Stuck and Stoned

Elizabeth just got out of an abusive relationship with Prince of Seduction- Stone Miller. Stone Miller- the guy noone gets- he's too loud and annoying and cocky. But to Elizabeth he's a sweet misunderstood guy and she fell for him instantly. Until- the incident. Now she finds her heart longing for real love. She's tired of liars and guys who want her body and the worst kind- Abusers. As she sorts through her feelings and cuts her losses with Stone, she finds her heart two-timing her. Her heart wants to be wanted and she begins falling for Prince of Seduction all over again. Her guy friend Bodhi tries shielding her, but she finds her needy self dependent on Bodhi to save her from her heartbroken wounds. She wonders if that's real love, or should she go running back to Stone?

The Difference Between Stone and Bodhi

"The Angel of death is here for me to tell me it's my time. But I keep fighting because I know I have not done my job that Destiny sent me to do. Every day I get weaker and weaker because what made me fight is fading away from me. It is my fault for letting people get in my head. I try to show I was wrong but it does not matter because she hates my soul. So with my time that's left I say to her 'I'm sorry for the pain I caused'; her sorrow she feels now. I see that I can fight no more, so I say to the Angel of death 'Come take me. I have no destiny but to cause pain to the people I love. I can not do it any more. Come take my soul."

The words glared at me from the page in my lap. I felt tears well up in my eyes. I stopped breathing. I choked down a sob before it escaped. I couldn't cry in front of all these people. Especally not Bodhi, the one guy friend who let me come to him when Stone had hurt me. Now Stone's poem mocked the resolve I had built in the two weeks he'd been gone. I felt a single tear slide down my cheek

and stuffed the poem, along with my shattered heart into my purse. I stood up to leave he cafeteria, avoiding Bodhi's awareness of my pain. He looked at me questioning across the table, but I dropped my gaze in shame and left.

I avoided everyone's eyes as I fled to the Band & Choir room, the one place on campus I found solace. I knew there were people this school year who actually cared for me, and I longed for the brutal invisibility of years past.

I knew two of my friends, semi-close- were in the band room. Eva, the cheery, slightly heavyset blonde who was Stone's cousin. And Leah, the skinny, quiet, nosy optimist who just listened.

Eva came to me by the set of lockers when I collapsed into the floor. I was crying and holding myself in a ball to hide the blood on my clothes. Eva pulled me to my feet.

"It's Stone, isn't it?" she asked. I gave her a hug and she held me until I calmed down some. Leah then came oer, shooing Eva away.

She studied me and asked "Why is there blood on you?"

I didn't want to tell her what Stone done, so I lied. "It's not blood."

"What is it?"

"I knocked a jar of salsa on me this morning at home."

"DOing what?" she asked.

"Making an omelette."

She again studied me. "Are you lying?"

She knew I was so I said "Yeah."

"Stone?" she asked knowingly.

"Yeah. One single word."

"Did you or he do this?"

"Me," I admitted sheepishly.

"Oh Elizabeth!" she exclaimed, hugging me awkardly.

End of conversation for Leah. Or maybe the bell ended it. I'm not sure. THe bell rang for first period.

I had choir with Eva, Leah, and my bestest-friend-slash-sister-slash-doppleganger Kendra. I wish I could tell her what happened but I haven't told her anything except the first time he'd hit me. After that I kept my mouth shut for fear that I'd be blackmailed by Stone. He knew my weak spot and the ONE thing Kendra didn't know about me. The one thing she could NOT know about me.

Noone knows. Except of course the people involved. And Stone. I'll just say he's very persuasive and even possible seductive at times.

I knew I had to get to class. Teachers don't really approve of a 20 minute break to wash the tears off your face. Not a choir teacher with a performance approaching. I stayed in the bathroom until the bell rang for 2nd period, lost in thought, sitting on the cabinet against the mirror.

I knew Stone was persuasive, or at least to me. I can't help it though. The way he touched me, the wild look in is eyes, his voice soft, husky, dark-whispered against my hair or against my neck. His hand icey against the skin on my hip as he held me. THe smell of his cologne enveloped around me. Okay I admit it, I'm a sucker.

The bell rang for 2nd period, startling me. I jumped banging my head against the mirror, causing me to cry. Again. I grabbed my bag and fled to my 2nd period computer class. I didn't want to see Stone and frankly Kendra either.

I sat down at my computer i the back of the classroom, realizing Bodhi sat next to me in this class. I started up my computer and got onto the internet, pretending to be busy. Bodhi sat next to me, and I felt a tiny bit guilty at my hyper awareness of Bodhi.

I couldn't help it. His cologne tickled my senses. His black hair with those curls at the end, begging me to touch them. I was sure they'd bounce back but I was too scared to see. His gages were lime green today, the same ones he'd worn to the senior's graduation last year. His lip piercings weren't hidden yet today, meaning he'd been distracted.

My heart sankwhen he chose to ignore me instead of tease me like he usually did. He didn't even talk to Cody, his best friend.

"Bodhi, what's wrong?" I asked quietly. He didn't hear me, so I tapped him on the arm. He jumped back like I was a snake. The look he gave me said it all. He hated me. He hated that I'd put up with Stone and that I just let Stone push me around.

Bodhi removed an earbud and looked at me. "What?" he asked, not mean, but not inviting.

"Are you mad at me?" I asked. I was sure I looked scared to death, as if somehow his answer weighted my existence.

"No, Elizabeth. Why would I be mad at you?" he looked confused.

"You know, because of Stone?"

"I'm disappointed. I'm not mad."

"What's the difference?" I felt my voice rise.

"I don't know. But you shouldn't put up with him. Tell him to leave you alone."

"I can't!" I said, choking. I felt my face flame and tears stung my eyes.

"Why can't you?" he asked, not mean. Just curious. An innocent question. But it got me thinking.

"I love him." I whispered and then I felt the tears falling silently. Bodhi turned back to his computer and replaced his earbud.

I realized my arms were across my stomach hiding the blood again. Bodhi had seen it. Oh God, that wasn't good. Bodhi would think Stone had done it. And if I told him it was me who'd done it he'd ask why. And I would tell him. I couldn't lie to Bodhi. I don't know why. I just couldn't. He was too nice. Too honest. Too good.

I know people looked at his emo style of clothes and his piercings and his dark hair falling across his eyes. They think "Bad boy." His quiet deliberate disposition didn't help much.

But I knew better. For some reason I thought of him as "my" Bodhi. Was he? Of course not. He was always just a friend to me.

But I knew his quiet deliberateness was him listening to me when I wanted to talk. His "dark" charisma was a mystery I hadn't unlocked yet.

I knew he was good though. His aura was pure. And it had a soft edge of green- a caring soul. Maybe that's why I trusted him. Maybe that's why I was drawn to him. Maybe that's why-

"Ms. Hall, are you paying attention at all?" the sub's nasal voice broke my thoughts.

Everyone was looking at me. "Um, I- I'm sorry Ma'am. I apologize." That stupid toothpick cheerleader laughed at me.

My cheeks flamed again. Bodhi offered a weak smile. "Can you answer the question, Elizabeth?" the sub asked annoyed.

I lowered my head in shame. My cheeks burned. "No ma'am." I said quietly.

"Excuse me?"

I raised my voice. "No, I can't."

I turned to my computer and stared at the wall behind it. Finally the bell rang. I didn't hear it.

"Elizabeth?" Bodhi said.

"Yeah?" I asked, avoiding his eyes.

"The bell rang."

I didn't move. I was hoping he'd go. He didn't.

"Are you okay?" He reached his hand towards me.

I jumped up and grabbed my things and ran from the room. If he'd touched me, I would have broke. I couldn't do that. Not to Bodhi. I alreadly looked like a fool in his eyes. Did I have to make it worse? He probably thought I was helpless and unworthy if I let people hurt me like I did.

God, why did my best guy friend have to hate my choices with Stone?!

Why did I hate my choices with Stone?

The Hookie Hooker

I trudged through the next two classes, avoiding anyone's gaze and staying silent. The only interaction I allowed was in math when Jonathan, a guy in Choir, asked if I'd be at Madrigal practice today. "Duh," I teased. "It's required, Jonathan." Madrigal was the dinner and show the Choir was hosting. This was the first year. He smiled.

"Are you excited?" Leah had asked. She sat next to me and behind Jonathan.

"Hell yeah," I said. I tried to smile, but not even my solace- music- could cheer me up. 

Jonathan asked me, "So how are you and your melodramatic guy? He being nice to you?" 

Leah looked down, back at her work. "Fine," I whispered, trying to hold the tears away. Jonathan didn't believe me, but he stayed out of it. I was grateful for that. 

Band was after math. Bodhi was in there but he didn't even look at me. I concentrated so hard on the music we played that I got pissed off when the bell rang in the middle of a song. I started to cry. That just wasn't fair. People looked at me concerned or confused but noone tried to console me. I was glad of that. After Bodhi put up his sax he came to stand next to me. I was putting up my clarinet. Before Bodhi could say anything, Kendra shooed him away. 

"Elizabeth, Baby talk to me," she said, putting my music in my folder. 

I shook my head. There was too much she didn't know. And she was close to Stone. I just wiped my face and walked with her quietly. As we left the Band room, we ran into Stone coming from the gym. I looked at Kendra weakly and fled to my locker. For once, I was sick of all my friends gathering by my locker because it was at the corner of the hallway. Everyone looked at me, confused and worried. Leigh Ann grabbed my wrist and pulled me through about three of our friends. She gave me one lookover. 

"Damn it, Elizabeth," she said. I looked at her weakly ready to run and hide. Her emerald eyes were lined and kohl and her eyeshadow was green and glittery. She studied me and gave me a hug. Stone and Kendra rounded the corner, laughing innocently. I broke away from Leigh Ann, but she pulled me back. Everyone else had left for class but Stone, Kendra, Leigh Ann, and me. Kendra gave me a hug then flounced away. She was too damn innocent. 

Stone eyed me with hate. I bowed my head. "I'm sorry," I whispered. 

"Does it matter? You hate me- you're the only one that kept me here but I'm going to try--" 

"Shut up!" I said. 

He began to walk off. I grabbed his belt loop and pulled him to me roughly. I felt the school resource officer eyeing us warily. "Talk to me," I begged. 

"I have nothing to say to you." he said cuttingly. 

"Don't go," I whispered. I knew I was crying. I grabbed the sides of his jacket desperately. I felt weak standing in front of him, knowing what he could do. He'd hit me, scratched me, shook me, and noone even knew because they believed him, not me. 

"Stone," I said. Just to hear his name. 

He pulled my chin up to look at his face. The proximity of him shocked me. I was standing against the wall, Leigh Ann and the SRO long gone. Stone was inches from me. I pulled him closer just to feel his hands on me again. "I love you," I whispered against his neck. He tried to speak but I shushed him. I grabbed his hands in mine and placed them on my hips. I wrapped my arms around his neck and closed my eyes. I let myself rest my head on his shoulder. His cologne intermingled with my perfume. 

"We have to go to class," he said. 

"Do we have to?" I said. He looked at me then dragged me to the double doors where the camera was broken and people rarely checked. I smiled wryly. I lay my purse down and he shrugged his black leather jacket off. I touched a button on his shirt. 

"Do you love me?" I whispered. 

"Yes, you know that." 

"Kiss me." 

"What?!" he said. "No. I'm not putting you in that situation," he said. 

"You're not." I insisted. 

"No," he said. He hugged me to him tightly. I cried against his chest. "I'm sorry," I sobbed. He stroked my cheek. Why did someone so nice have to be so mean? I wondered. How could someone good hurt me, scratch me, shake me, punch me? How could he look at me with such hate? How could his words scare me into submission? How could I need him so desparately? 

"Elizabeth, it's time for lunch. Do you want to go?" he said. The sound of his voice tickled me. Conspiratorial. That's the word. Sexy. Dangerous. Damn it! Bodhi would kill me if he found out I'd skipped the first half of English with Stone. At least I could go to the second half. Maybe. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. 

"Yeah, I need to eat," I said. Before he could go I grabbed him by the neck and kissed his neck softly. He tensed up. I melted. My cheeks were hot. I kissed the corners of his lips in turn, then the center of his lips. His skin was icy as always. Mine was always hot to the touch. He draped his jacket over my shoulders when I shivered and grabbed my bag. 

We walked to the cafeteria careful not to touch. It was like we had seperate bubbles. People eyed us suspicously. I sat next to him and waited for him to get a tray and sit down. 

Leah, who also had English with me asked, "Where were you?" 

I dropped my gaze. Stone answered "She was sitting by the lockers crying, so we sat in the front lobby together." 

Eva raised her eyebrows. Leigh Ann looked at me across the table, knowing that was a lie. I shook my head at her, begging her silently not to say anything. Thankfully she didn't. She ate in silence. I nibbled on some crackers and fruit off Stone's tray. He wrapped one arm around me, drawing me close. 

Eva bombarded us with questions which we skillfully avoided. She believed the act, and Leah did too. I was kind of glad Kendra had a different lunch so she didn't have to see this. Soon Eva and Leah left, leaving just me, Stone, and Leigh Ann. 

Two exes. One I was way too close to, the other holding me to him. 

"Elizabeth?" Leigh Ann said, a million questions in one word. 

Stone tensed up beside me. I placed one hand on his thigh palm down. He calmed down but didn't loosen his grip on the curve of my hip. In fact it tightened. It hurt, but I ignored it. 

"I'm sorry Leigh Ann," I said. Stone wrapped his other hand in front of me. His hand slipped underneath the hem of my white off the shoulder shirt. I shifted in his arms just slightly. My hip hurt where he had a hold of me. The hand I had on his thigh shook. My right hand always shook when I got upset. And Leigh Ann knew. She always just knew this stuff. 

But the thing that had brought us together- majick- is what drove us apart. We'd had a bond, but when she'd bound me from working magick, I'd gotten hurt badly bu someone else. My animosity towards her escalated until my Anger is what saved my Abilities. It had grown until it broke her binding spell with all the energy from it. My amber had shattered when it happened, and I couldn't fix it. But I had my moonstone. 

Anyways, totally irrelevant. I began to tell Leigh Ann everything. Stone got pissed and left. When he did, my moonstone seemed to get darker. It was around my neck. It burned my skin, but again I ignored it. After I'd finished talking, Leigh Ann hugged me, and made me go to class. 

She wasn't mad, just quiet. Which somehow was worse. 

Madrigal Prep and Landing on Two Feet

I somehow, by some miracle, got through the last three and a half periods without incident. Or having to be near Stone or Bodhi. I was too embarassed and scared. Oh so many emotions. It was 3:15. Now I had to make myself go to Madrigal practice. That would last until after 8, and Bodhi would be there. 

I was just a serving wench, like most everyone. But there were 12 people as the royal court. They were the Chamber people and Bodhi was one of them. He got to dress up in an actual costume and speak and walk with gorgeous-beyond-words Mariska, who had also made Chamber. 

I felt a tinge of jealousy as I thought of Mariska. She was naturally beautiful. She had ebony hair that fell flawlessly around her shoulders. She had a gorgeous complexion and skin pale and glowing. Her eyes had a twinkle in them and she always smiled. Despite her gothic style, she was an individualistic person and she had a beautiful voice. 

Somehow my thoughts drug me to the cafeteria where the practice was to be held. First we had to decorate. We had until 5:30 to decorate, and from the looks of it we had a long way to go. I smiled wryly as I watched Kendra hanging tinsel and lights from the seiling. So focused was she that she didn't hear me call her name. I didn't really need anything, so I didn't call her name a second time. I didn't want to scare her when she was atop a ladder. 

Bodhi and a few other guys, including Jonathan were cutting sprigs from evergreen branches they'd picked earlier today. I waved then approached outgoing redhead Melony. She was starting to unroll paper to tape to the walls. I helped her, and as we worked, slowly albeit, we talked casually. Soon Stone came into the cafeteria with a coke and his hand and spoke to Ms. Hally, our Choir director. She nodded emphaticly at him. 

He approached me and Melony and I lowered my head. "Hey Melony," he said, intentionally ignoring me. Well fine. Two can play that game. 

"Hey cuz. What you doing?" Melony answered him. 

"I didn't have nothing to do. Ms. Hally said I could help in here until I have to leave." 

"Hi Stone" I said. 

"Uh, hi Elizabeth." Why'd his response sound forced?! Not fair! 

"How long you staying?" I asked as innocently as I could. 

"I don't know. It depends." Conspiratorial. Stupid little bitch. I knew why he was here. I wasn't that blind to his ways. He didn't like Bodhi because he knew I trusted him. He knew if me and Bodhi got talking I'd end up telling him. Maybe I wouldn't mean to, but I couldn't lie to him. And Stone knew it. He didn't want me to be near Bodhi. Just like Bodhi didn't want me near Stone. But I couldn't control other people and I wasn't a forceful person.

I walked to where Kendra was. "Stone's here!" she said cheerily. 

I put on a happy smile and said "Yeah, I was just over there." 

She laughed. "I knew it!" 

"Knew what?" I asked. 

Her cheeks flamed. "Nothing." 

"Do you need any help?" I asked. 

"No," she said dismissively. 

"Do you know where my wallet is?" 

"What's it look like?" 

"It's my purple alligator skin wallet." 

"Oh it's over there on that table." She pointed. 

"Thanks." I needed caffeine. I was intending to buy a coke except that I had absolutely no money. 

I ran over to Stone from habit. "Hey Stone?" I asked. He always had a dollar or two. 

"What?" he said rudely. I cringed. 

"Do you have a dollar?" I asked. I blushed cuz my voice sounded whiny. Then I realized I was asking my VERY RECENT ex for money. I immediately felt guilty. 

"No, why?" he said. 

"I wanted a coke is all." 

"Oh." He turned back to Melony and Jonathan's brother who'd come to help with the paper. 

"Is there not any money in your bra?" Melony joked. 

"Good idea," I laughed. Then I felt Stone's eyes looking at me like I was insane. But it WAS a good idea, and I wanted caffeine really bad. It had never stopped me before from checking for money. So why should it stop me now just because Stone was there? Indeed I had some money. Melony and I laughed and Stone rolled his eyes. "He's a guy Mel. He don't get it." I said teasingly.

"I know right?" She joked. 

By the time I bought a Sprite and came back Stone had left. I ran up to the stage where Bodhi was. I sat next to him on the stairs. Turns out we were all taking a break. "So why was 'he' here?" he sneered. 

"I don't know. He's not in choir." I answered. 

"Well I kind of ran him off. He didn't belong in here."

"Ms. Hally said he could help."

"Why would he though?" Bodhi asked. 

"I don't know," I answered blinking away tears. Bodhi got a drink from my Sprite. "Hey!" I yelled. I reached for it. He held his hand out so I couldn't get it. I laughed. "Fine. Get you some." 

He took a huge drink. "Thank you," he said handing it back. We talked back and forth casually, sharing Sprite and the pizza Ms. hally ordered for everyone. 

"Can I tell you something?" I asked. 

He looked at me. Really looked at me and said "Yeah." 

"I think Stone is trying to get with Kendra. He's flirting with her and stuff and I don't think she even realizes it." 

He thought for a minute and said "Okay". No hidden meaning. Just okay I was listening but I have no response.

After we ate, I helped Christian, Jonathan's brother, paper a wall. It took forever and it was very crooked. I laughed at us. "We're two very screwed up screwballs." I said hitting him on the arm. 

He looked at me funny. 

"Do you think Jonathan can fix it?" I asked. 

"No," he laughed. 

I decided to work on something else until I got someone to help fix it. 

I'd all but forgotten about the screwball wall until I heard a familar voice say "How the HELL do you mess up that bad?" I turned around to see Bodhi shaking his head. I laughed and walked over beside him. 

"This is my screwball wall." I said. "I don't get along with ladders. And I was working with Christian." He was in hearing range so it was okay to tease him. Bodhi laughed at me. I blushed. "Can you help me fix it?" I begged. 

"Yeah," he said. 

We argued about hte best way to fix it but his way won out. I got Jonathan to help. Bodhi ripped a piece of tape off the roll with his mouth and taped the paper lower down. He spit a piece out and it landed on my collar bone. 

"Hey!" I teased. I tried to get it, but it fell down my shirt. "Hey!" I yelped. "You got a piece of tape down my shirt!" He laughed. As I got it unstuck off my bra, Jonathan said something out of my earshot that made Bodhi laugh. Again. I loved his laugh. It was intoxicating. When I stood back up, Bodhi stuck a piece in my hair. "Ow!" I yelped again. "Get it out you asshole!" He was laughing at me. He got the tape out but messed up my chignon in the process. "You messed up my hair! Fix it!" I demanded. "Bodhi!" He acted like he was going to put more tape in my hair. I screamed and ducked my head. He pulled my hair back into a ponytail like I said. I got the tape away from him and Jonathan took it from me. He taped a HUGE piece across Bodhi's hair. 

I laughed. "Not fair," Bodhi said. I carefully got it off, trying my hardest not to pull his hair. I was tempted, oh so tempted, to see if his curls bounced but I didn't. 

Suddenly Jonathan asked "What's on your back?" I stopped, confused. 

"What?" 

"It's like scratches." Jonathan answered. I froze. Bodhi eyed me suspicously. He'd noticed the blood drain from my face and me tense up. I totally forgot about Jonathan. "Oh my god," I breathed. 

"Why don't I take a picture and show you?" Jonathan asked. 

Time was frozen. How could I be such an idiot that I'd forgotten about the scratches? I looked to Bodhi desperately gambling with the gods for his silence. I'm not a good gambler because Bodhi did not stay silent. Anger flashed in his face and he asked Jonathan to go ahead and show me the picture. I cried out and grabbed Bodhi's arm for support. So many things ran through my mind, and I was getting claustrophobic. I looked at his face and before he could speak I fled. I sat on the bench in the lobby, and forced myself to calm down. This was bad. This was really really bad. Madrigal practice had another two hours. I sat calmly until Bodhi joined me at a slow time of decorating. "So what really happened?" he asked inviting me to scoot closer. I moved the other direction. 

"Nothing, it's not a big deal." 

He studied me, not believing me for a minute. His green eyes flashed darkly with anger. My chest ached seeing his sincerity. I cleared my throat. "Stone was upset at me. And well, he didn't mean to." 

"Really Elizabeth?" he exclaimed. "Why?!" 

"Why what?" 

"Why don't you do something?" 

"Cuz I can't! Why do you care?" 

"You're my friend. Why wouldn't I?" 

"But why!" My voice was growing shrill. 

"I care about you, you're a good person." 

"No. No I'm not." I stated. 

"You are my friend Elizabeth."

We sat in silence. "Bodhi?" I finally whispered. 

"Yeah?" he said. 

"You're too good to me. Why?" 

"Like I said, you're my friend."

"There's two kinds of friends," I answered. "There's the kind that are good just because they are, and there's the kind that want something in return." 

He looked at me shocked. "I don't want anything." 

"Which one are you?" I asked.

"I don't want ANY thing from you. You're just my friend." 

"Why?!" I began to cry. Bodhi gave me an awkward hug, and said "I gotta go. I'll see you tomorrow." As he left, his cologne lingered around me making my head spin. 

 

Enchantment of Hate

Madrigal happened with few incidents. Me and Bodhi didn't get a chance to talk again. I cried myself to sleep Sunday night, knowing I'd have to face Stone the next day. There was only this week and three more days until school let out for Christmas break.

It turns out I was able to drown out almost everything all through those two weeks and most of break. I began having horrid nightmares again, and I'd wake up screaming and crying and choking. And it was all Stone's fault. I swore to my friend Lisa I'd kill his ass. It wasn't long until I was almost delirious. Stone had somehow cast his spell over me again; it couldn't just be my stupid self coming up with these ludicrous ideas. 

My mind has transformed into a trance since the breakup. I wasn't so sure I was sane anymore. Could it be that I had tripped up my life by laying my head on him on that stupid bus on that forgotten trip? No, it had to be him. He'd cast a fucking spell with that bloody poem. It wasn't fair that Stone could drive this knife through my heart and go on like nothing was wrong. My life had come to a shocking halt, while he'd moved on like I was nothing. I was trapped; he was free. It simply wasn't fair.

My head began to spin with the crazy notions that were flying around me, choking me, tightening their grip until I was absolutely drained. 

Lyrics began to run through the choked atmosphere around me: 

"Well Baby I have done my duty. You completely trust me. And it is now my duty to completely drain you. I don't care what you think. Take the poison apple. It isn't me. I got free. . ."

Is that a Nirvana song? Nirvana sings stuff like that. Nirvana- an idea of peace and harmony just out of reach of fools like me. Onnly geniuses achieve true Nirvana and only by the escape of the drama of acceptable society. So Nirvana was this swirl of delirium I couldn't achieve, I could only taste. A bittersweet piercing taste. Just one chance and I'd been hooked by the absolute freedom of the unattainable. 

I'm certain I'm losing my mind now- speaking of insane shit like Nirvana and tasting Nirvana. I can imagine Stone's Nirvana and it was the exact thing that made me catty and jealous. I pondered over the ways to crash his nirvana- foolish me, silly girl. No wonder Bodhi called me catty. 

Bodhi! Was that it? That was it! It was Bodhi's fault. I trusted Bodhi and Stone got upset and that's what happened. That makes sense. But Stone trusted Kendra, so that wasn't fair. She's my best friend and she liked him back. Oh, I was insane. 

But I knew. I knew! A nirvana of Stone's I could crush by my own hand. Was I crazy? Absolutely. Could I get hurt? Almost certainly. Was it worth it? How would I know in this insanity I was trapped in? Besides it was Stone's fault. He did it, not me. If he got hurt, it was by his own hand rightfully. Because he hurt me, if he was hurt by me, he hurt himself naturally. That makes me feel better. 

Whispers of Nirvana's music slipped through my mind as insanity turned to pure cattiness. I knew come Monday I'd break Stone's enchantment of hate with a spell all my own. Dodhi would kill me. Cody would kill me. Kendra would. Leah would. Eva would. Hell! I would. 

What about Abby? I wondered. THat was Cody's lover and quickly becoming a confident for me. She was gorgeous, way more than even Mariska. And more than her looks. She was so self assured and her opinions, no matter how brash, were worth listening to. 

I wonder what she'd say. "You are a whore!" she'd laugh. I'd argue but she'd cut me off and say "Elizabeth," with her mother hen voice. I'd reluctantly nod and attempt to change the subject. I knew how that would play out. But disapproval? I don't think quite. Just statements and laughs. 

"Damn you, Stone!" I called into the night air. I imagined seductive gorgeous sirens singing their alluring song, drawing Stone closer and closer before revealing the hideous creatures they really were. 

I was about to become a siren too and crash his Nirvana and probably my own in the process. 

"Damn you, Stone," I whispered again. 

Whispers 

Catty!

"What on earth are you wearing?" Lisa exclaimed. "Oh dear- Elizabeth!" Exasperation filled her voice. She rubbed her hand over her bulging pregnant stomach. "I'm glad my baby can't actually see you," she teased. 

"Too much?" I asked. 

"No! Not enough! You don't 'halfway' wear an outfit like that." She studied me. She was sitting on the side of my bed as I analyzed my self in the mirror. "Straighten your hair, do your eye makeup in black not blue. Put on more glitter. Lotion, rings, and perfume." She laughed again teasing me ruthlessly. I stuck my tongue out and straightened my bangs and sweeped black shadow and kohl liner on and choked on glitter, while trying to put it on. "Meanie!" I exclaimed. 

"Yes, yes I am." She curled up on my bed and hid under the covers. "Who you bangin' today?" she said muffled. 

"Lisa! I'm not "bangin" anybody! And so what if I was? I'm single," I declared. 

"You don't act single." 

"What? How?" 

"If you're still trying to make Stone happy, he's either controlling or you are still attached to him." 

"Thanks, 'Mom.'" I said sarcastically. "I gotta go, you be safe, okay? I'll be home around four I think." 

As I went out to the bus stop Lisa's words rang in my ears. Was I still attached to Stone? Is that why I felt so catty? "Thanks for crashing my Nirvana, Stone," I whispered to the sky. When I heard a soft laugh in return, I swung around. I didn't see anybody around me. However, I stilled and waited. I felt like a kitten hiding from a huge dog. If I moved or made a sound, the dog would eat me up. If I pounced', it would tear me to shreds. I cringed at the bloody picture my mind had just painted. Was I in over my head? Could such a graphic bloody picture be from Stone? His stupid Enchantment of hate and nirvana and here I am- a fool- thinking of poor dead kittens. Stupid me.

Abby would definitely disapprove, and if she didn't kick my ass, Bodhi would. 

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 25.01.2013

Alle Rechte vorbehalten