Its weird that when I see people I tell what their past was, that I could practically be in their head? I could see what had happened to them, but only the bad things only grief and misery. I saw many things, some alike.
I was abandoned at the age of five, I roamed the streets day and night, until one day a women who looked in her 20's found me huddled up in an alley corner, I looked into her eyes and I heard screams of people, crackling and snapping of flames, I saw a little girl my age outside of a house on fire. Sad and lonely that girl did what I had done, she lived on the streets. But no one took her in and she had to make it alive by herself.
The women reached for my hand with a kind smile and I looked at her. I had realized that she wanted to be taken in a good home when she was little and that I reminded her of her child hood. I hesitantly took her hand. She picked me up and walked to a big house not far from the alley. She gave me a bath and new clothes, she fed me. She raised me, and shes my mom.
Its terrible at school, but after finding out it doesn't happen again unless something new happened that was bad.
I do have friends. I have Jen, shes the one who uses sarcasm and jokes around, then theres Emma (Emily), shes the caring one, kinda like a second mom, Kim's a fun person shes hyper, and Sara, she tells people the truth no matter what.
I go to collage now, well soon. I graduate in two years. I haven't dated, at all. Every one calls me weird because I stare when I see into their past. I guess I'm also not pretty enough.

Well, today starts like any other. I get up, get ready, and out the door to meet my friends on the corner. When they came in view I saw someone else standing by Sara, a guy. When I could see clearly, I saw he had black hair and blue eyes. His hair hung over his eyes and he wore a jacket with jeans and Converse shoes. His blue eyes weren't normal, they were like electric blue.

I suddenly heard screams. I heard crackling and snapping of a fire. It all faded in, the dark black sky, the red and yellow flames of the house, my old house. I heard a voice as I cried, “ Its okay Macy, I'm here.” It was a calming voice, and I felt a warm body hug me. When I looked up there it was, I saw a face that resembled him, the guy at the corner. The picture faded, and the crackling and snapping faded out followed by the screams turning into faint whispers. I heard a car horn blare and noticed I had been in the middle of the road. Sara was screaming her head off at the car, “ HEY BOZO, WATCH IT!”
I ran to the corner, and I saw him more closely, I think he noticed who I was. Could that have really been him? Could he have really known me?
“ This is Carter, hes new to the neighborhood and he goes to school with us now,” Emma said softly after Sara was done screaming.
He looked at me with a smile, a shy smile, “ Hey I'm-”
“ Your Macy, Right?” he asked, his voice was deeper than the kid in my vision, or was it a flash back?
I gave him a confused look, then he smiled a bit more, “ Sara was yelling at you too. Why didn't you move? You afraid of cars?” he asked?
“ Uh, no I was just a little distracted,” I said, but the look in his electric blue eyes said he knew, and he never forgot.
We waited on the corner for the bus, and he kept glancing at me. It was weird, I kept comparing the two faces and thinking about it. Even weirder, in all the classes we had together, which was a lot, he kept glancing at me. His new friends would ask him what he was looking at when obviously they knew it was me, he'd give them mean stares.
When it was finally time to get off the bus he looked nervous, a little hesitant. He tried to speak, but he was too nervous.
“ Hi,” I said.
“ Hey. I wanted to know if we could...uh...hang out maybe?” he asked nervous and looking away, he also paused.
“ Mmm, yeah. Why not?” I said.
I could almost feel my heart rip out of my chest it was beating so fast. I don't know why but for some reason I feel weird around him. He makes me nervous and my heart thump. I must have been blushing because Carter gave me a nervous look.
“ I mean you don't have to hang out with me. Its not like I don't have friends, I umm,” he said.
I looked over at him and he was blushing with his eyes closed and his hand over his mouth.
“ Its fine. I want to-”

“ DAMN BITCH! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!”

Someone was screaming bloody murder. I ran further to see what was going on, it was near my house and I knew it. When I could see my house I stopped, but it wasn't my mom, it was Carter's, I think.
“ Dammit mom, when do you ever learn,” I hear Carter say as he ran past me.

I guess his mom was yelling at someone, probably a girl. Carter got to his house and his house door opened and flew out a young girl. She looked about 13. I could see Carter moving his lips but I was too far too hear it.
“ Mom, be quiet. Don't make a scene.”

It was clear, his voice. It was like I was right there beside him. His voice was soft but I could feel anger and hatred behind it, it was as if there was a wall between what he said and how he felt.
“ NO! THIS IS MY HOUSE AND I WON'T ALLOW THAT SL-”
“ MOM! Please calm down, we can go inside and talk this out...

A black ally, smokey and dark, cars blaring their music. I felt fear and my heart was pounding. Then I heard loud footsteps creep closer and closer, one by one. “ Hey baby, where ya goin'” a drunken guy said. I stopped dead in my tracks, my body wouldn't move, not one inc. I felt like screaming. I knew exactly what he was thinking, and it wasn't pretty. In the blink of an eye he had me pinned.
Reality flashed back and I was on my knees crying. I was shivering, that was the girl Carters mom threw out. She was-was... its terrible. I looked up and Carter and that girl were on the porch step, but someone was missing...the mom! How long was I out?

I started to run over there when I saw Carter put his arm around her and pull her into his chest as she cried. And some how I was jealous, I wanted to be the girl he pulled into his arms. Why? Why was I feeling this way? I don't even know the guy! And how could I hear him so clearly when he was so far away, and how was I able to feel he was mad?
This is all so confusing.

Macy! Shes in tears, I wonder if shes okay?
What the hell?! Carter?
Macy?! Am I in your thoughts?
I guess, but how?
Macy, we need to talk.
I looked up and saw him looking at me, “ Kim please go inside, I'll be back soon.”
he ran toward me after making sure Kim got in the house. He looked worried.
Are you-
“ I'm fine, I just-”
“ Got distracted?” he asked his eyes looked so knowing, and they weren't electric blue, they were bright blue.
“ If I tell you something you wont freak out will you?” I asked?
His ace forced a smile that wasn't his, wasn't real “ Freak, we can hear each others thoughts, of course not!”
when I see people for the first time I see their past.
Their past?
Yeah, but not good things. Terrible bad things.
Huh, thats not crazy.

I could see his face and his eyes were bewildered, wide. I felt a warm hand latch to mine, I looked up and saw his face. He was blushing and smiling, his eyes were calm and electric blue again.
I saw what happened with Kim.
Shes my cousin, her family kicked her out, and now shes pregnant.
How old is she?
Only 14.
Oh my god, so young.
My mom didn't want anything to do with her because she thinks that it was planned, so when I told her she freaked and left.
Do you know when shes coming back?
No.

We were walking, I don't know where to but somewhere. My phone rang.
“ Hello?”
“ Hunny where are you? I heard some yelling and you haven't checked in,” my mothers calm but slightly panicked voice rang through.
“ I'm sorry. I'm with a friend, I'll be home in a little,” I said, I felt a squeeze from Carter.
“ Okay, I love you bye.”
“ Bye,” I said and hung up the phone.

“ Who was that?” Carter asked?
“ My mom, she wanted to know if I was okay,” I said.

Its weird, just holding his hand gives me butterfly's. He makes me so nervous but yet I'm calm too. And I can tell him anything. Why is this?

“ I've met you before. What you saw in that vision was when we were little and your house burned down. Your mom died and I held you in my arms that night, I didn't know what to say, I was still nervous and I did like you a lot, I wanted to be a man,” Carter said laughing a bit.

It all came back, the school days we'd spend together in class, and the moments when he'd give me that charming smile. The summer days that we spent swinging on his porch swing and laughing. Until that awful night.

“ Carter,” I said looking at him, he turned his head to look into my eyes,
“we were in love, weren't we?” I asked him.
His face got blood red and his eyes wide and bright blue. “ I was in love with you, I don't know about how you felt about me,” he said still shocked.
I knew I felt something for him,I was little but I knew it wasn't just a close feeling. I remember my old mom saying that love is confusing, you don't know its love at first, at least I think thats what she said. I don't really remember my mom.
“ What if I -I ...” I mumbled, feeling way to nervous.
“ What if you what?” Carter asked, he stopped walking to face me.
I swear I could have died at that moment.
“ What I I told you that...that I love you? Would you still love me after all this time?” I asked, I just blurted it out?

His face was blood red and he looked shocked. I'm not sure if it was because I loved him after one day or because I shouted.
“ Macy?”

I turned around and saw Emma and Kim walking near us.

Oh my god, they just saw me confess my love to the new kid! What are they going to think? How will I explain this? Ugh!
Don't worry Macy, we can explain thing.

I looked at Carter and he was still bushing but he had love and passion in his eyes, and they were electric blue again. He gave me that same charming smile as when he did when we were kids. I think thats what I remembered most.

We all sat on a bench at the park, it was awkward.

“ So, uh...you like Carter Macy?” Emma asked?
She seemed so nervous, and these questions weren't her thing, she didn't like to prie into peoples life.
“ Ummm, yeah. I guess,” I said, my face flushed. Secretly Carter was holding my hand, he squeezed it.
“ Macy and I were friend when we were kids, then Macy's house burnt down and she moved so we didn't see each other for a while. And I guess we didn't recognize each other being grown up and all,” Carter explained.
“ So now your in love?” Kim asked, she had a joking voice.
“ Well, we were when we were kids, I still like Macy,” Carter said looking down, his voice was all to serious.
Carter, I love you.
Macy, why don't we talk about things before we get into this. I still love you but I want to be sure abut you feeling the same.

I looked at him, he didn't look up. His eyes were a navy blue, the darkest I'd ever seen them to be.
“ Macy, we'll see you at school. I see you too have to talk,” Emma said as she dragged Kim with her.

Carter, what is it we need to talk about?
Macy, I need some time to think things trough, I'm sorry I'm not concentrating on this but my cousin is in a mess.

I let go of his had and got up. “ I'll see you later Carter,” I said.

Bye Macy.

Ugh! What a jerk! He couldn't even say goodbye right. Whats his problem? Oh, his cousin Kim. Wow, now I know too Kim's. But why? Why is he all of a sudden disagreeing with what he felt? I know hes hiding something, I can feel it.


MACY!!!

I woke up shaking and sweating. When I went to bed last night I was pissed off. I can't blame him, I wouldn't be concentrating either but he led on that he wanted to date, why?
I walked out of my house ready for school, still mad. I walked to the corner and saw Carter looking at me, I gave him a dirty look.
“ Macy! Hows it goin?” Sara asked?
“ Fine, why?” I asked?
“ No reason, so a new guy? How long has it been?” Sara asked again?
“ Nope, single. Forever and always single,” I said commenting to her remark.
“ Jeez what crawled up your but?” Sara asked?

I didn't answer, nobody needed to know.
Macy, I'm sorry.

I also wasn't in the mood to speak to him.

The first half of school was okay, but after lunch everybody knew about my little confession, it was recorded. By who you ask? Daniel, the girl who’s hated me forever. Apparently I stole her friends and her old boyfriend.
It was accidentally played at the assembly. I watched all go down, the foolish words that came out of my mouth, the bitterness of it all was left in my mouth. I immediately walked out, but there was her crew. “ Your not missing this, suffer bitch,” one said pushing me into the auditorium.
“ Look heres the loser!” The other girl screamed.

This was the time to use my escaping skills. I jerked my arm lose and with the palm of my hand hit the girls nose right where it would break. She screamed and the other girl let go of my arm. Th teachers didn't go after me, I escaped the school.
One problem, mom. I also didn't have my books.

I couldn't stand it, Carter didn't even look at me, he didn't show any emotion at all!

My mom flipped. I'm grounded for a week, thats fine with me, I don't care. I was in my room with a book and I heard a knock at the door, mom was at work, so I had to answer it. I ran downstairs and opened the door hoping for Emma, so I could let it out, all the bitterness that I had said and believed. But unfortunately it was Carter.
I stepped out so I could speak with him.
“ I'm sorry, I'm trying to help my cousin,” he said.
“ Carter, as long as your not going out with me theres no need to apologize,” I said, he looked confused and relived.
“ Really?” he asked?
“ Yeah, and to add to your time, lets pretend we never met like before, and completely ignore each other this time. Don't bother me, kay? Kay,” I said, opening the door.

He grabbed my arm. “ Please don't do this,” he begged.
“ Do what? Who are you?” I asked with an innocent voice?

I turned to see his reaction, his eyes were a dark blue and he looked like he was going to cry, but he let go, and I went inside. I sat by the door and cried, truth was I didn't want to be like this but if he was going to act like he doesn't want to be together then fine, I want him to put his full heart in this, not just half. I want him to focus on me.I know it sounds selfish but I just reunited with him.

My mom eventually got home and and wondered what I was doing, I told her it was nothing but I could tell by the look on her face that she knew it was more than nothing.


A month's gone by, I haven't talked to him, looked at him, nothing. I don't know if anythings happened with him yet but its not my problem.
There’s a new student, his name is Arex, yes he. Hes cute I'm not going to lie, he has black hair and tan skin, hes tall and has brown eyes. I offered to tour him around the school, he said he already had someone doing that, but he gave me a kind smile, a sweet smile.
I sat with my friends at lunch and Arex came over and sat by me, all casual. Sara looked at him weird “ Watch out tiger, shes already confessed her love once, you should have seen how that ended,” Sara said taking another bit of her fries, Emma hit her in the arm and Sara almost choked.
“ I'm sorry,” I said to Arex.
He gave me that same smile “ No problem, my brother do that to me all the time,” he said.
“You have brothers?” I asked?
“ Yeah I'm the middle child,” he said.

Lunch was okay, but I couldn't help but feel ashamed, I was still in love with Carter, no matter what happened. I know I hurt him, it hurt me to tell him I love him and him go completely on something else.

Carter, can you hear me?

There was complete silence.
Yeah, I'm here.
How is everything? Is your cousin okay?
Wouldn't you like to know.

The response was hateful, I know I really hurt him, I glanced across the room and saw him at a table a ways from where I was sitting, his face showed pain.
“ I'm sorry, excuse me,” I said and got up to follow him out.


He was heading for outside, he glanced back to see if I was still there. The halls were deserted. He stopped and I ran into him, I backed away.
“ Why? Why did you back away? I know you love me, and I love you to. My cousins fine, don't you still love me?” he asked?
“ I do, I just wanted to focus on us at the time and you were busy, so I had make you leave completely or I wouldn't be able to live with myself, it still doesn't matter, I can't live with myself now,” I said.
“ Don't you feel something with the new kid? I saw how he looked at you,” he said, the pain returning to his face.
“ Well, I like him, but I love you,” I said.

I was telling the truth, I didn't really know Arex. I've known Carter ever since I was little, I felt a connection with Carter and doing what I did made me feel numb and not like myself.
He took me in his arms and I felt like me again, I felt safe and warm. Carter whispered into my ear “ I'm sorry I couldn't concentrate before, but now we'll be a couple and I'll put my all in it. I love you Macy.”

Know that things were going straight I was feeling pretty good, and my birthday was coming up so Carter has to meet my mom.

A MONTH LATER..

Well to days the day. Carter meets mom, I'm so excited! Its only going to be a small get together, Emma,Sara,Kim, Jen, Carter,me, and mom.
Its not much but since the past month of absolute heaven, most of my friends got boyfriends. Its a bit weird.

I had to help my mom with the party, the decorations, the cake, the whole 9 yards.


The cake was a round lemon cake with vanilla icing. On it it aid in purple icing Happy birthday sweetie! Well I didn't write it of course.

About 7:30pm Emma and Kim came ( Emma with her boyfriend Jake, and Kim with Tyler.)

They brought gifts, they didn't have to.

A few minutes latter Sara and Jen arrived, they too brought gifts.

At the last minuet Carter came, he came as late as he could because he was nervous. He wore a button up shirt with regular jeans, he was carrying a big gift bag. That made me feel bad.

My mom beat me to him, she met him at the door. I ran behind her, I could see his face, it was surprised.

“ Oh hi! You must be the famous Carter!” mom exclaimed!
“ Uhh, I guess,” Carter said a little thrown off.

Now I was embarrassed, I tell mom a few things about Carter and she acts like this, like I've non-stop talked about him. I was blushing.

After mom let go of Carter with her bear hug, he came toward me with that big gift bag in his hand. He smiled, “ Hey,” he said, hugging me.
Now we had the whole group, it had to be the best birthday. We all had a piece of mom's great lemon cake. We picked out a movie to watch, some how it ended up being the nightmare before Christmas. Sara fell asleep trough it, Jen didn't like it, she kept making sarcastic jokes about it all the way trough. My mom about had enough of her jokes and told her to shut her trap, Jen was quiet after that. Carter found that funny.


After the movie, that was about an hour and a half, I opened presents. I opened Emma's, it was in a medium sized box with white wrap with purple flowers and a small green bow. I opened it carefully not wanting to ruin the pretty wrapping paper. In the box was converse shoes, purple ones. They were the ones I had wanted to get at the mall but couldn't because I didn't have enough money. I was so happy, I had the biggest smile on my face.
“ Emma! Thanks this is just what I wanted,” I said, she smiled.

Kim's gift was wrapped in white with multiple-colored dots, it had a pink bow. It was a small box, a rectangular box. I opened it and it had a bracelet that said Friend on a half heart. I looked at Kim and she held her wrist up, she had the best part. “ Thanks Kim, ts beautiful,” I said and put it on.

Carters bag was the same color as his eyes, I opened up the bag and pulled some stuff out. First there was a bath basket with body wash,lotion,bubble bath,bath fizzers, and a loofah. Separately there was a big bottle of perfume, its scent was Japanese cherry blossom. The last thing was a letter.
“ Wow, you didn't have to get me all this stuff. Thanks Carter, I like it,” I said.

It was starting to get late, every one went home.


The next year went by fast, Carter and I shared a lot of good memories, and we were off to college, but collage was difficult. There was a lot of classes and work, pulse all the years we had to stay there. Carter and I didn't go to the same collage, so trust was an issue. Every now and then he'd call . I could always tell what he was thinking about, it wasn't bad but his work was a lot harder than mine.


But after a long time and a whole lot of work, collage was over. And that meant Carter and I would finally get to see each other again...


Look for the second book!

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 29.10.2011

Alle Rechte vorbehalten