Blythe

I walked up the steps to the only home I ever want to remember.  The home I shared with my Granny.  I sat down on the cement steps and put my head on my knees.  I still couldn't bring myself to walk through the front door yet.  

As my head was lying on my knees, I realized how many memories took place on these steps.   Granny stood on the top step and told me that I never have to be hurt again.  I was home.  My best friend Marissa and I played on these steps from the age of four until we grew up.  We last sat on these steps together ten years ago.  We were both headed off to college.  I have only been back once since then and that was 4 years ago.  I packed up my Granny and moved her to Lexington, KY with me.  Granny always came to visit me in Lexington, so never had to come back to this small town which held some great memories with Granny and my best friends, Marissa and Cooryn, but it mostly reminded me of a past I want to leave behind.  Marissa grew up right beside me.  So, her mom and dad were a very big part of my life.  Marissa's mom (aka: my mom) would always bring Granny halfway to Lexington to meet me.  Granny would come and stay months at a time.  Finally, when she could no longer take care of herself, I packed her up and moved her to live with me.  She stayed in my little cottage house in my backyard.  Finally the best memory one these steps was when Cooryn kissed me.  We were in middle school.  It wasn't even a french kiss.  Cooryn taught me that night that not all boys were bad.  We were just becoming the best of friends when the kiss happened.  We were learning about each other's lives.  Cooryn's parents had just got divorced.  We talked about it at great lengths.  He was so upset and devastated over it.  It wasn’t just the fact his parents were no longer together.  It was how the divorce came about.  How his dad could hurt his mom the way he did.  He couldn’t stand the fighting.  He took the brunt of so many fights to protect his mom.  The question Cooryn wanted to know was why I was living with my Granny and where my parents were.  I remember looking into his eyes and telling him that neither of my parents wanted me.  My dad had his new family, and my mom had her boyfriend.  He just looked at me for a moment.  So he put his hands on my face and just lightly kissed my lips.  I froze.  He slowly pulled away as I was putting my head down to stare at the ground.  He put his hand under my chin to make me look at him.  I remember his exact words to me: 

"What did he do to you, Bly?"  

Tears just started streaming down my face and I told him I didn't want to tell him.  I was embarrassed.  He wouldn’t want to be friends with a freak.  So, I needed to go inside and get away from him.  I started to stand up from the steps.  He stood up with me.  He turned to face him.  He simply said: 

"Bly, he was a monster for hurting you.  Our friendship will never end.  You are not a freak.  I know what it is like to feel pain that you have no control over.  I wasn’t hurt like you in that sense, but I know what it feels like to be beat.  You feel helpless.  I felt like a failure.  I don't think any differently of you. I will never tell anyone what we talk about.   I know you have already told me that you would never say anything to anyone about what we talk about.  I know that is true, because you don’t even tell Marissa.  That Bly is what best friends do.  We talk about everything.  I know usually a guy and girl aren't best friends, but I am glad this has turned out the way it has.  I kissed you, because I knew when you said your mom picked her boyfriend, he hurt you.  Where is he at now?"  

I can see the tears rolling down my cheeks as I remember this night.  I remember telling him Chuck was in jail.  My mom left town.  My real dad wanted me to see him all the time, but he didn't want me.   The look in Cooryn's eyes told me everything.  He was pissed and hurt.  He said: 

"Standing on these steps I make a promise to you Bly, I will never hurt you.  I want us to stay best friends forever.  No matter what happens, I want us to always be best friends.  One thing I do promise you though is I will make you not be so scared of boys." 

I smiled at him.  I told him I was never scared of him.  I wish that night I would have told him I really liked the kiss.  I really did like his soft lips on my lips.  As I was finally done reminiscing about the past, I lifted my head and there stood Cooryn.  At first I thought it was just my imagination playing tricks on me, but he then started walking toward me.  I knew he was real.  I stood up on the steps.  He walked up to me and kissed me so very lightly on the lips.  A feeling that brought me straight back to the memory I was just reliving.  Oh, how much I really loved those lips on mine.  

"Hey Bly, I have missed you."  

I hugged him and told him how much I have missed him too.  Cooryn and I are still best friends, but we live in different states.  We talk through email, texting, computer chat and phone.  I told him I was coming up to finalize the sale of the home I grew up in.  I got to see Cooryn four months ago right after my Granny died.  Marissa and Cooryn both came to Lexington when she died.   I told Cooryn I was coming back to Greenville to finalize the sale of the house.  He knew how hard this was going to be.  So, here he is standing before me, and I can't believe it.  

I told him I haven't been able to walk inside the house yet.  It is a very small house.  It is not fancy by any means.  It was my home with my Granny though.  It is an 800 square foot home.  It has 3 bedrooms and one and a half baths.  I used to say it was the size of a Cracker Jack box.  Cooryn always used to laugh when I said that.  He grabbed my hand and asked for the keys.  I handed him the keys from my pocket.  He went and unlocked the door.  I hesitated as soon as he opened the door.  I knew this was going to be the last time I was in my childhood home.  This is the home that meant so much to me.  Cooryn grabbed his camera out of his pocket and started taking pictures of me.  I hit him but smiled at the gesture.  I stood in the bare house.  When I moved Granny out, Marissa's grandma lived with her.  It was ideal with mom and dad living right beside us.  I didn't make her pay rent.  She was family.  Marissa’s whole family was my family.  It took a long time, but I finally was able to call Marissa’s dad, ‘dad’.  He actually cried when I was able to hug him without being scared or shaking.  Dad died right before we graduated from high school.  He was killed at work.  The only positive thing that came out of the whole tragedy was mom wouldn’t have to worry about money the rest of her life.  She wouldn’t have had to worry about that anyways.  Marissa and I would have made sure she lived comfortably.  Mom just paid the utilities, but now, Marissa’s grandma can't live by herself.  I knew it was time.  With Granny being gone, I didn't want to come back to Greenville anymore.  I knew mom could come and see me in Lexington anytime I needed her.  Plus, we always gathered at Marissa’s three times a year.  There were so many memories here.  I had a lot of good ones, but the bad ones were bad.  A nice middle aged couple was buying the house.  They just needed something small and not expensive. It was perfect.  It was located in a great little neighborhood.  Mom really seemed to like them too.    

Cooryn kept my hand and led me to the back of the small house.  I knew exactly where we were going.  We were headed to my old bedroom.  He walked into my old room.  

"Bly, I can't even begin to tell you how many memories I have of this room.”

 He started taking pictures of me standing in my old room.  I took his camera and started taking pictures of him too.  We then took pictures of us both together.  He just held out the camera while he snapped a bunch of us together.  Then, I just turned and looked at the single glass window.  I remember so many nights that Cooryn snuck through that window.  I would call him, and he would be climbing through that window in no time.  I can't recall how many nights he would come and hold me after something didn't go right with a boyfriend.  Or, there would be nights Coor would come just to get away from his dad.  Coor lived with his mom, but he was forced to see his dad.  The courts didn’t really seem to care that his dad would hit him and his mom.  There was no “proof” so there was nothing the judge could do.  It was court ordered for Coor to see his dad so many days a month.  Well, one night Coors dad staggered home drunk when Coor was staying with him.  Coor showed up with a black eye, bruised side, and hurt hand.  I took pictures of him.  I also made sure to tell mom the next day.  She called someone, because Coor didn’t have to go see his dad anymore.  Coor kept thanking me for helping him get away from his dad.  I told him that is what best friends do.  Then there would be times we would just lay on my bed and listen to music for hours.  Sometimes we would talk and talk and other times we barely said a word.  Our friendship meant so much to me during that time in my life.  

"Bly, I will never forget the night that I had sex with you right there (he pointed to the wall) were your bed use to be."  

I just looked at him and tears began to stream down my face.  I told him that after that night everything changed between us.  We tried to make it work as a couple, but somehow we both started to guard our hearts from each other.  We weren't being open and honest about our feelings.   Cooryn already had walls built around him since his parents divorce.  I was one of the lucky ones who got a glimpse of the real Cooryn.  He wasn't the type of guy to show his feelings to people.  I remember the night we had sex on my bed.  He came to my window after he had been drinking.  I let him in.  We were just holding each other like we always did.  I was just ready to fall asleep when his hand decided not to stay dangling by my stomach.  It started to creep up toward my breasts.  The minute he touched my breasts, I knew I was headed down a very dangerous road.  I already loved Cooryn as my best friend, but I was always wondering if I truly loved him more.  I would never admit that to him in a million years.  As his hands wondered, so did mine.  Then, the next thing you know, we are having sex.  It was the best sex of my life.  He said it was the best of his life too.  I hope so, because the way he talked to me and moved, it was magical.  Cooryn didn't talk about what happened between us, but he would just randomly kiss me on the lips when he felt like it.  He use to give me a peck on the lips all of the time, but after having sex, that all changed.  The kisses were more passionate.  They felt more real.  I knew I was getting in way over my head.  I was getting scared now.  It was our senior year of high school.  Cooryn and I had been best friends for over 5 years.  Nothing had happened between us until now.  We were both going to go to college, so why now?  As I am remembering the past, I felt an arm coming around my waist and a head resting on my shoulder. I come back to the present day.  

"Sorry.”  

"What were you thinking about Bly?"  

"The past… us."  

"Oh...I hope it is all good."  

"Yes.  I was thinking about our magical sex on my bed.  How much I really did love you, Coor.  I think I loved you more than just my best friend.  I was just trying to fool myself.  I should have been honest with you." I said.

Cooryn turns me around to face him.  He looks deep into my eyes and begins to talk to me like we used to really talk. 

"Bly, I too loved you way more than a friend.  I think we were both scared that if we reacted on those feelings we would lose the friendship we built.  I would have our friendship over sex any day Bly.  We both went to college, found someone that we thought we loved, and now have wonderful careers.  What happened between us here in this room all those years ago, it was special... magical.  Then, four months ago when your granny died, we repeated that magical moment again.  I know we were drunk four months ago, but it was magical all the same.  Love is what makes it so magical.  I will never regret a single thing I do with you, Bly.  We have a special bond that nobody can ever break.  I thank my lucky stars everyday for you.  I tried to talk to you about what happened after granny’s funeral, but you never talked to me about it.  I knew how hurt and upset you were, so I didn't push it, but now, I am here to push it."

I knew after seeing him, this was going to be hard.  I knew us living in two different states made this so much easier.  I never thought he would have ended up here with me today.  How was I going to talk to him about what happened four months ago?   

"Coor, I would rather not talk about what happened four months ago.  I was grieving, I needed to feel.  I was walking around so numb and in pain.  You took that pain away.  Let's just leave it at that." 

"No, we will not just leave it at that.  Why have you pulled away Bly?"  

"Coor we both want different things in life.  I am an Architect.  I already have the house with the picket fence, but I don't have my prince charming.  I thought I had my prince charming a few years ago.  Look where that got me, a few broken ribs, black eyes, raped...he thought why not. She is already knocked up and well, other things that are too disturbing to mention."  

Cooryn is standing there looking at me so pissed off at the moment.  

"Bly, I know we want different things.  I don't want children.  I don't want them to suffer like I did growing up, that isn't fair to them.  I am sorry about you though, Bly.  I knew how much you wanted that baby.  I am sorry that the dickhead of a so-called boyfriend beat you so badly you lost the baby.  Will you be able to have more children?  I have always wanted to ask you that."

"Since I would never consider an abortion, he knew the only other way would be to beat it dead...or me. Why do you want to be a daddy, Coor?"  

"Hell no, Bly." 

I just sank to the floor.  Cooryn was there to sit with me.  I had tears streaming down my face.  I am so upset and exhausted now.  All Cooryn kept saying was he was sorry he brought up my past.  He said that Tanner had everyone fooled.  I told him:

“ Tanner never once touched me in a violent way.  One night the condom broke and boom I was pregnant.  I truly thought after I had an ovary and tube removed due to cancer when I was right out of high school, the doctors thought my chances of getting pregnant would be difficult.  I told him he could leave. I didn’t want a damn thing from him.   He told me it didn't matter, if I kept this baby, I could later come after him.  He didn't want any f***ing children.  My heart just sank, Coor.  How could a man be so cruel?  I didn’t want anything from him.” 

"Bly, some men are just like that."  

"Coor, what would you do if a woman said she was pregnant, and it was yours?"  

"Bly, I don't know, truthfully I never put myself in those situations.  I make sure we are both protected very carefully. I prefer her to be on the pill, and I use a condom.  Two forms of birth control will help that very easily."  

"Still, Coor, what if both forms fail, and you got a girl pregnant, what would you do?"  

"Honestly, Bly, I have no idea."  

"What if the girl told you she was pregnant but didn't want your help?”  

”Bly, I would never hurt a woman like Tanner hurt you." 

"No, Coor, I know that.  I was just wondering if you would walk away from your child."  

"I truly don't know, Bly.  Honestly, it would be very scary.  I just make sure to never put myself in that situation."  

I told Cooryn that I needed to contact the realtor to finalize all the paperwork for the house.  He asked me where I was staying and told him the hotel in the next town.  He said he was staying there too.  He wanted to meet up for dinner later.  I told him dinner would be fine.  We decided to meet in the lobby at 5pm.

After I signed all the paperwork with the realtor, I knew I could actually just go back to Lexington.  I was wearing my really baggy UK sweatshirt when I saw Cooryn   He put his arms around but didn't say anything.  I don't think he even noticed.  I need to tell him I have to get back to Lexington, and I can't do dinner with him.  I have too.  I can't wear this sweatshirt to dinner, but the only other outfits I bought will not cover up my belly.  How, how am I going to tell him?  It has been four months.  He will hate me.  He will say I lied and kept this from him.  I will lose my best friend.  Marissa and Cooryn are my only true best friends.  The sad thing we all three live in different states.  I have a few friends at my firm, but none of them are Marissa and Cooryn.  Thane and I are becoming good friends since I started working on his skyscraper designs.  I know sooner or later I am going to have to tell Cooryn that I am pregnant with his child.  I hate to tell Cooryn and if he really thinks about it, we didn't use any protection at all four months ago.  I have to tell him tonight at dinner.  Cooryn is going to hate me.  I just know it.  I need to call Marissa.

"Hey Blythe...did you sign the papers for the sale of the house yet?"  

"Yes, I did it just a little bit ago.  Guess who showed up at the house?"

"I don't know?  I could call mom and ask her."  

"No, that is cheating, you can't call mom and ask her."  

"Have you talked to your real dad since you have been back?"  

"No, I don't know if I want to.  He has called and left me message after message for the past million years, but I refuse to talk to him.  Do you think I should bury the hatchet and call him Marissa?"  

"Blythe, I think you should tell your dad what has happened to you over the years and tell him he is going to be a grandfather."  

"Maris...I am going to tell Cooryn tonight about the baby."  

"It is about damn time, Blythe."  

"I know Maris, but I know I am going to lose him once and for all.  We talked about that earlier.  I put him in situations, but Tanner came up.  He doesn't want children.  Period end of sentence.  I don't know if I can do this, Maris."  

"Blythe, you can do anything you set your mind to.  No matter what, you created a baby with Cooryn, he might be hurt and pissed off, but I don't think you could ever truly lose him.  Blythe, do I need to come back home?  I can bring my munchkin, and mom can watch her."  

"I would love to see Emmison, but you don't need to travel 4 hours to take care of me."  

"If you need me, Blythe, just please call me."  

"I will Maris. I will.  I love you."  

"I love you, Bly."  

"Oh, I get the Bly now."   

"I know Cooryn started the Bly, and I usually call you that, but I thought you might want me to call you Blythe."  

"I like you calling me Bly.  There are only two people who call me that.  The two people that mean the world to me are the only ones that ever tried to give me that nickname.  Granny used to say it every once in a while when she was mad at me. Well, Thane is beeping in on the other line, I better answer that."  

"Bly, how do you feel about Thane?"  

"Maris, he knows about the baby.  He is actually a great guy.  He was devastated when his wife left him after she found out he couldn't father a child.  She didn't want to adopt.  Even though my plans for his skyscraper are done and it is almost complete, we still have dinner; go to the movies, and talk.  He has never tried anything sexual with me either.  He did ask about the father of my baby.  I told him it was very complicated.  He figured it out though.  He immediately put two and two together and came up with Cooryn.  He told me that if Cooryn didn't want this child, he would help me.  Thane said he would be my baby's father Maris.  He told me that right before I came back to Greenville today."  

"OMG, Bly, what in the hell are you going to do?"  

"Yes Maris, this gets very complicated, very complicated.  I don't want to lose Cooryn as my best friend.  Yet, he deserves to know the truth about the baby, or I keep my mouth shut and let everyone think that Thane is the father."  

"Bly, you know you can't do that...right?"  

"I don't know what to think or do now.  Thane is loving and caring and hasn't even got to second base with me Maris.  I told you how he is numerous times.  I was going to tell you what he said about telling everyone he is the father, until Cooryn shows up here out of the blue."  

"Bly, maybe it is a sign that Cooryn is there."  

"Yeah, maybe you are right.  I better call Thane back.  Until next time…I love and miss you"

“Ok, tell Thane I said ‘hi’.  Until next time…I love and miss you too.”

"Hi Thane, sorry I didn't pick up when you called, I was talking to Marissa."  

"That is okay Blythe; I just wanted to make sure you got to Greenville okay.  How are you feeling?"  

"I am feeling okay.  My feet hurt, and I am tired, but other than that, okay."  

"Blythe, what are you not telling me?"  

"Cooryn showed up at my old house today."  

"Oh, did you tell him about the baby?"  

"No, I don't know what to do.  We had an interesting talk about children, and his point of view has not changed at all.  Even though he said he would never act like Tann....oh god."  

"Blythe, what are you talking about?"  

"Thane, never mind, please never mind."  

"No, Blythe, you were about to tell me something very personal.  I know we talk about a lot of things, but this is something that is very personal.  I hate to pry, but please, Blythe, please finish."  

There was a long silence between us, I blew out a long breath and just said it.

"I was dating Tanner a few years ago.  He was my so-called prince charming.  Oh my, Thane... I had cancer right out of high school and lost an ovary and tube."  

I heard Thane sigh very deeply, but he didn't say anything yet, he let me continue.  

"Anyhow, the doctors didn't think I would be able to have children.  But, one night after Tanner and I had been dating for about a year, the condom broke.  See, I couldn't take birth control pills because of the cancer.  Low and behold I ended up pregnant.  I found out a couple of months later.  My periods were always screwed up since the cancer.  When I got morning sickness, I found out I was pregnant.  I told Tanner I was pregnant and was keeping the baby.  I told him he had no obligation to the baby.  First let me say that Tanner made it perfectly clear he never wanted children. I thought that was okay, because even though I wanted children, I didn't think I could have children.  I told him I would raise the baby without him, but if he wanted to be a part of the baby's life he could be.  He went mad.  First he told me I would get an abortion.  I told him hell no.  He then started kicking and punching.  He kicked me in the stomach so hard so many times."  

By this time I could barely talk due to crying.  

"Blythe, stop, please just stop talking now, honey, stop.  I can't believe a man would do that to you.  I know the end result; you don't even have to say it.  I am so sorry honey. God, I am so sorry.  What happened to the prick?"  

"He is in prison for a long time."   

"Good, he deserves a hell of a lot more than that though.  He needed to have the shit kicked out of him."  

I had to sigh and giggle just a bit.  Thane is the only one that could have said that and backed it up.  He was a well built man.  He has broad shoulders; an eight pack and an ass to die for were only a few of his awesome features.  

"Thane, I don't know what I am going to do about my baby.  I know what you said before I left.  I am just so confused and upset.  I didn't think I would be seeing him like this."  

"Blythe, do not sit and worry about this.  It is not good for you or the baby.  I just wanted you to know that you are not alone in this.  If you work things out with Cooryn then I am truly happy for you, but if things don't go the way you want them to with Cooryn, then just know you can always lean on me."  

"Thank you Thane, I know you mean that.  I hope I never lose you as a friend.  Cooryn and Marissa have been the only best friends I have ever known, but you are becoming one of those too.  It is nice to have a great friend to see and talk to everyday in person if I need to.  You don't know how much that means to me.”  

 

 

Cooryn’s Point of View

I made my way to the hotel.  I am glad I asked Bly to come to dinner with me tonight.  Something is very off with her.  I have noticed it since her Granny died.  I know she is still grieving, but something else.  I can feel it in my gut.  I need to start thinking about what we have talked about over the past 4 months since I last saw her.  I know she landed two really nice accounts over the past couple years.  She is developing a skyscraper for a self made millionaire.  Now that I think about it, Bly has talked about Mr. Thane Mansfield.  He became a millionaire after he developed a software program to help the military.  I know he has taken her out to dinner a numerous number of times.  Marissa and I met Thane at Granny's funeral, but since Bly was a mess, I never paid much attention to him.  But, now that I think about it, he wanted to pay extra special attention to her.  Maybe that is why I jumped in and got too close to Bly.  I didn't think I was the jealous type at all.  Maybe I am jealous because she has a friendship with Thane, and he is here living in the same damn city as she is, and I am hours away from her.  I wonder if Bly really cares for this Thane guy.  I am going to have to find that out tonight at dinner.  I have to make sure that no man ever hurts her like Tanner.  I couldn't be there to protect her from him.  I will make damn sure that doesn't happen again.  The two times that Bly and I slept together, was magical.  I have never felt so connected to a woman before.  High school, well, I called that fun and lust.  But four months ago, I was grieving.  I didn't know how else to take her pain away.  I know it was stupid to use my body to help her do that.  What in the hell was I thinking?  Bly and I have a lot to talk about at dinner tonight.

Blythe - POV

Cooryn and I met in the hotel lobby at 4:50pm.  We went to a nice little restaurant right down the road.  Once we were seated and ordered, Cooryn decided to start asking me a million questions.

"Bly, are you seeing anyone in Lexington?"  

I was sort of stunned by his question.  I sort of didn't know how I was going to answer this question since I am going to tell Cooryn about the baby.  

"No, I am not dating anyone exclusively.  Thane and I have been spending a lot of time together.  He is turning out to be a great friend."

"Oh, I was wondering about him."  

"What do you mean you were wondering about him?"  

"You two seemed really close in Lexington when I came up for Granny's funeral."  

"Coor, he was being a friend just like you.  Oh, wait, he didn't have sex withe, that is the difference.  Sorry, I didn't mean that Coor, I have no regrets about what happened between us four months ago.  I am sorry."  

"Bly, what the hell is going on with you?  You seem too jumpy and moody.  Your emails seem so distant.  You can't lie to me.  I know you better than you know yourself."  

"Coor, if you knew me better than I knew myself, then you would be able to help me."  

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"  

"Nothing, never mind.  Let's just enjoy our time together before we both have to leave tomorrow.  Who knows when we will actually get to see each other again."  

"I know Bly; my work schedule is going to be so hectic for the next 6 to 12 months.  I have to go to Canada for a few months.  We are opening a new facility there so I have to go and get it up and running."  

"Wow, that is wonderful that you get to open up a cancer treatment center there.  You are truly doing amazing things Coor.  I wish I could have had my treatments done in a center like the ones you keep opening up all over the world."  

"Bly don't you realize you are the reason I got into the field?"  

"Yes, but just to hear you sit and talk about it, it is just overwhelming."  

I started to cry.  How much I wished these treatment centers could have been available and not cost an arm and a leg.  My granny didn't have a lot of money, and I never let her tell my dad I was sick.  She had enough money to get me things, but I never took advantage of that.  My Papaw left her a nice chunk of money when he died in an accident at work.  But, treatments for my age and what was wrong with me were not cheap and centers were a long ways away from our small little town.  My dad found out after the fact.  Once I moved my granny to Lexington, she handed me a savings account book.  I told her that was her money, and I didn't want it.  She told me it wasn't her money, it was mine.  My dad had been giving her money all along.  She wanted to save it to give it to her great-grandbabies.  As I thought about this tears were now just streaming down my face and Cooryn was immediately at my side.  He was saying my name over and over.  I could hear him, but I was still in the past.  I was seeing my Granny hand me that account book.  It was a lot of money.  Enough money to live very comfortably for a long time.  I still haven't touched a penny of that money.  It can draw interest, and I will get it to the little bundle of joy in my belly.  My hand immediately goes to my belly.  I start rubbing my belly.  Cooryn puts his hand on top of mine, and I snap out of my daze with a very skittish jump.  

"Bly, are you okay?  What is wrong, talk to me baby, just talk to me?"  

My hand is on my belly.  I know I need to tell him the truth.  Maybe if I just tell him I am pregnant and not mention who the father is at the moment, he will be okay with that.  

"Coor, I am not okay.  I am drowning within myself.  I miss Granny.  I want a simple life.  My life is never going to be simple again.  I am going to lose everything.  I just know it."  

Coor wraps his arms around me and rubs my back.  

"Let's eat and then we can talk back at the hotel."  

I just shook my head yes.  We sat in silence while we ate.  Coor paid for the dinner, and we went back to the hotel.  By this time, I was nauseated.  The sickness is what I called it.   People call it morning sickness, bullshit; I call it sickness all day long.  They told me it should end after my first trimester.  They lied.  I am still sick all of the time.  We get onto the elevator.  Coor asks me to come up to his suite.  He is on the top floor and has a living room space.  I agree to come back and talk.  As soon as Coor opens his door, I bolt pass him and head straight for the bathroom.  I am throwing up.  I was trying to pull my hair back as I threw up. Then, all of a sudden, I feel my hair being put into a ponytail.  Cooryn is right behind pulling my hair up, wetting a washcloth and rubbing my back.  He hands me the washcloth as soon as I am down throwing up.  I wash off my face.  He hands me a toothbrush and toothpaste.  I thought he was going to leave, but he didn't.  He told me I looked pale and should lie down.  I told him I needed to brush my teeth and pee.  I didn't move.  He said he would wait right there in the doorway to make sure I was okay. I told him I would be just fine, but he didn't listen.  So, I brushed my teeth and peed.  When I was pulling up my pants, I noticed his eyes glued to me.  The minute our eyes locked on each other, I knew I was in trouble.  

"Bly, are you pregnant?"  

"Why would you ask me that, Coor?"  

"Bly, answer the question." 

 I didn't answer the question.  I just walked right past him and opened up the door and walked out.  He was following me down the hall.  

"Damn it, Bly, what is wrong. Please come back and talk to me.  BLY."  

I just stopped and crumbled to the floor.  My stomach is cramping.  I am scared and start to cry out.  Cooryn picks me up and takes me back into his room.  He put me on the bed.  He is frantic.  

"Bly, are you pregnant, please I need to help you."  

"Yes, I am pregnant."  

"Have you been cramping any other time today?"

"No, I started when I left."  

"Are you cramping now?"  

"No."  

Coor comes over and pulls up my shirt.  He can see just a small little pouch.  

"When are you due?"  

"July."  

"So you are about four months pregnant then?"  

"Yes."  

Coor just freezes.  He looks at me.  

"We need to talk to Bly."  

"No we don't Coor.  I don't have the energy to talk."  

"Bly, who is the father?"  

"That is not important, Coor; it is none of your business."  

"If it is Thane's, then we need to call him." 

I just rolled over on the bed.  I just wanted to go to sleep.   I felt him rubbing my back and slowly drifted off to sleep.  When I opened my eyes, Cooryn was lying beside me looking right at me.  

"Hi beautiful."  

"Please don't say that Coor, I just can't handle that right now." 

"Sorry Bly, I was just trying to get you to calm down."  

"I called Thane.  He will be here very soon."  

"You did what?"  

"I called Thane.  I told him you were cramping.  He was freaking out on the phone.  He said he had a private jet and would land in the next town over at a private air strip."     

"Coor, you should not have done that."  

"Thane deserves to be here Bly.  I know you haven't been with anyone else.  You have only talked about him.  By the sound of his voice, did he know you were pregnant before I called him?"  

"Yes, he knows I am pregnant.  He has been a wonderful support person.  He goes to my appointments with me and everything."  

"Good, I am glad to hear that."  

"Why, why are you so concerned whether or not he steps up?"  

"Maybe he is like you and doesn't want a child."  

"Don't go there, Bly."  

"Yes, I am going to go there Coor and maybe Thane can't be a father."  

Cooryn never caught my words.  He never listened when I said Thane could never be a father.  He just kept going on and on.  I was about ready to ask him what he would do if this baby was his and there was a knock on the door.  

Cooryn went to the door and opened it up.  Coor invited Thane in, and he immediately was at my side.  He grabbed me and put me in his arms.  

"Blythe, are you okay honey?"  

Cooryn did not like it when he heard Thane call Bly ‘honey’.  He just sat there and listened to Blythe and Thane talk to each other.

"I got very sick and was throwing up.  Then I was leaving to go back to my room and fell to the ground in pain.  I was cramping really bad.  Thane, I thought I was, I was..."  

"No, you will not lose this baby Blythe.  Honey, listen to me.  I will do anything and everything in my power to make sure you have a strong healthy baby.  I would do anything for you honey.  Do you hear me?" 

 As tears stream down my face, I just nod my head yes.  Thane just held me in his arms and kissed my cheek.  It was really strange to be held by Thane, and Cooryn was sitting on the couch just watching us.  I needed to get out of Coor's room.  I had to before I told him the truth about the baby.

"Coor, I am going to go back down to my room.  Thank you so much for dinner.  I am sorry I freaked you out earlier.  I am sorry I didn't tell you in our previous conversations over the past few months that I was going to have a baby.  I was in shock first of all.  I never thought I would ever be able to carry another baby.  Oh, god, I can't lose my baby.  I can't lose my baby."  

By this time Cooryn was up and over to me as fast as he could.  He took me out of Thane's arms and put me in his own arms.  Thane politely stood up and moved out of the way.  Cooryn was looking down into my eyes.

"Bly, what happened to you with Tanner was not your fault.  He was the bastard that beat you.  You are being blessed, baby."  

He lowered his mouth to my lips and grazed my lips.  My lips grazed his back as well.  I truly love my best friend.  I was wrong to keep this from him.  

"I stood completely up and said I needed to use the bathroom."  

I knew in my gut that Thane was going to ask Cooryn something about children.  So, when I went into the bathroom, I didn't shut the door completely.  I wanted to be able to hear.

"Cooryn, can I ask you a question?" Thane asked.

"Yeah, sure."  

"Blythe doesn't go into detail about her two best friends, you and Marissa.  I know about you two.  She does tell me how much you two mean to her.  She talks about Marissa's little girl, Emmison all the time.  She has never said anything about you having a family.  Do you have a family?  I am only asking, because you called me when Blythe was not feeling well."  

"I felt Blythe needed you here.  If something was wrong with the baby, you deserved to be here with her, not me.  Plus, I will never get married nor have children EVER.  I grew up with a shitty home life.  I will never do that to a child ever."  

"What if you found the perfect girl that would give you the perfect family?"   Thane said in a whispered voice.

"It doesn't matter.  I could have already found the perfect girl, yet, I will never father a child, ever."  

"I guess you definitely know what you want, that is for sure."  

"Yes, I do.  I set up cancer research centers all over the world.  I don't have time or want to settle down with just one woman.  One time I thought I knew who the perfect girl was for me.  I knew it could never be.  We both wanted two different worlds.  I would never want a woman to give up her dreams.  I have two nice women friends who feel like I do when it comes to marriage and children.  They both don't want children.  Neither of them can have children, so we can have a no strings attached relationship when we are in the mood.  I know that might sound bad to you about me, but it is what it is."  

Thane then says: 

“I guess I would still be nervous, how do you know for sure they can't have children, how do you know they haven't lied about it?"  

"No matter what, I always wear protection with them.  Always.  One time we met up by chance at a nightclub.  I didn't go with Paxton, because I didn't have protection no matter how much she begged."  

"You are a much smarter man than Cooryn."  

"Thank you, Thane. I am glad you are taking great care of our Blythe.  Do you have a problem with Blythe and I being best friends?"  

"I don't have a problem with it at all."  

I had been sitting on the toilet listening to these two men talk back and forth.  Cooryn has made it bluntly clear about his life and what he does and doesn’t want in it.  He truly thinks that Thane is the father of my baby.  I can't tell him the truth.  I get up and walk out of the bathroom.

"I am ready to go, Thane."  

"Okay, honey, let's go."  

"Goodnight, Coor, thank you for coming to my old house today.  It was great to walk through it together.  I can't believe all the memories that came flooding back.  I will miss the house, memories, but most of all, I miss Granny.  She is never going to be able to see my baby."   

"She will see her Bly.  I am glad I came to see you too.  I will call you whenever I get where I am going.  I love you Bly.  Until next time, love and will miss you"  

"Until next time, love and will miss you too!"  

"Bye Cooryn." 

"Bye Thane."

Thane and I walk to the elevator.  As we get on the elevator, I break down like a total mess.  Thane just picks me up in his arms and soothes me like a baby.  As soon as the elevator opens, he gets my keycard out of my purse.  He opens the door.  He lays me on the bed.  He takes off my shoes.  He asked me if I wanted to take a nice hot shower.  I told him that would be great.  I went to get up, but I felt so weak.  He helped me into the bathroom.  He said instead of a shower, why don't I take a bath in the jetted tub.  I totally agreed with that.  I wasn't sure what to do.  Hell, Thane and I have only kissed a handful of times.  I knew he was scared to leave me alone in the bathroom.  I was scared to tell the truth.  

"Blythe, I am going to help you, is that okay?"  

"Yes, Thane, I truly need help. Thank you."  

Thane started running the water to the jetted tub.  He had me sit on a little bench that went with the vanity in the bathroom.  He took off my socks.  He then took off my shirt and bra and then my jeggings and underwear.  He was such a gentleman about it all.  Instead of letting me walk to the tub, he picked me up and placed me in the tub.  He said he wasn't sure if I wanted the jets on or not.  I told him to leave them off for now.  He immediately redid my hair, but put it in a bun instead.  I leaned forward to stretch my back, and Thane immediately took a sponge and started rubbing my back.  It felt like heaven.  

"Wow, I didn't realize how sore my back was until now." I said.  

He then sort of moved behind me as best as he could and tried to rub my shoulders.  I could have died and went to heaven.  He also massages my arms and legs.  He said I was very tense.  As he massaged, my body began to relax.  Finally, his hand found its way to my belly.  He hurried up and pulled away.  I grabbed his hand and placed it on my belly.  He just smiled so big at me.  All I could feel was fluttering and small movements.  The dr. said I could probably feel movement because of how thin I am.  Thane felt a flutter and froze.  He looked straight into my eyes.  Our eyes locked, and he said: 

"WOW".  

"I KNOW."  

He just kept looking into my eyes.  Finally without thinking he kissed me.  It wasn't just a quick goodnight kiss, it was a passionate kiss.  I couldn't resist.  I kissed Thane back with so much passion.  I put my hands around his face, and he did the same.  He slowly stopped kissing me and told me that he would wash my body now.  I just leaned back against the tub and closed my eyes.  I heard him put body wash on the sponge.  He started with my feet.  Then massaged my feet and worked his way up my legs.  As he got to my thighs, his hands began to shake.  He washed my thighs without touching my private parts.  He washed my belly so carefully.  As he got to my breasts he paused.  He asked me to sit up, and he would wash my back.  I leaned forward and he washed my back.  He then handed me the sponge and told me I needed to finish washing my delicate parts.  I started to joke with him.  

"You can't wash delicate parts Mr. Thane?"  

"Oh, I can wash delicate parts, Miss Blythe, but I don't think you will like the outcome."  

"Try me!" 

He grabbed the sponge from my hand.  I was nervous yet excited.  He slowly rubbed the soapy sponge over my breasts.  He made sure to rub the nipple extra long.  I let out a small noise with the touch.  His blue eyes told me everything.  As he made his way down my belly, he stopped but instead of rewashing my belly, he placed a kiss upon my baby pouch.  A tear formed in my eye.  Never in my entire life has anyone ever treated me this way.  Besides having sex once with Cooryn our senior year, the only other guy I had been with was Tanner.  When I was battling cancer, it was just too much on me emotionally.  I just didn't really care about sex that much.  I thought my life was ruined forever.  As soon as he kissed my belly, his lips found mine again.  As soon as he kissed me, the sponge moved down to my crotch.  As he was washing my feminine parts, the blood in my veins was on fire.  I couldn't think straight.  Four months ago with Cooryn, I was a little drunk, but I was always comfortable around Coor.  He had been my best friend for years and years.  Thane, I have known each other for a couple of years.  I know he would never hurt me, but Cooryn didn't even do these things to me.  Hell, Tanner never did either.  I was getting a little nervous, yet excited at the same time.  Thane must have felt something was off.  He immediately stopped washing and kissing me and got up off the floor.  

"What is wrong Thane?" I asked in a very low upset voice.  

"I thought I was hurting you, honey."  

"Thane, you could never hurt me.  Why would you even think that?"  

"I am sorry, Blythe.  Let's get you out of the tub, and we can lie on the bed and talk for a while."  

"Okay, sounds like a plan."

Thane helped me out of the tub.  He helped me put on a night shirt and underwear.  He told me to stay right there for a moment.  He needed to run down to his rental car and grab his bag and book a room.  I told him he could stay in my suite.   

"Blythe, I will sleep on the couch then."  

I didn't even argue.  I knew no matter what happened, and I wanted him to just hold me.  

"Okay, whatever you want Thane."  

Thane rushed down and grabbed his bag.  He hurried up and jumped in the shower.  In less than 30 minutes we were both lying on my bed watching a movie.  I was curled up around his body with my head on his chest.  He would kiss the top of my head from time to time.  His other hand was running down my back.  He was taking his thumb and making circles around my skin.  I don't know if it was on purpose or just nervousness.  The more he did that the more my body wanted to respond.  Finally, I lifted my head and looked into his beautiful marble blue eyes.  He looked right back down into my blue eyes.  Before I could blink, his lips were meeting mine.  I turned and was lying on top of him.  We both realized that we were in a very serious position.  Yet, I didn't care.  We were kissing and rubbing against each other.   Before we could continue, Thane asked me a question.

"Blythe, I don't want to hurt you.  You were cramping early.  But first, please talk to me about Tanner."  

I went numb.  I rolled off of his body and turned over on my side and curled up in a ball.  He brought his body to contour against mine.  

"Blythe, please, I know I shouldn't be asking, but please I need to know."

"I already told you our condom broke. I got pregnant.  He didn't want children.  He asked me to get an abortion and when I refused he hurt me.  He hurt me badly."  

"How bad?  I know I made you stop on the phone.  I didn't want you to tell me on the phone.  I never thought we would end up in the position we are in either."  

Tears were streaming down my face.  

"He punched me in the face two or three different times.  I tried to fight back.  He was just too strong for me.  I was already having morning sickness and was weak.  When I got into a ball to protect my belly, he just started kicking me in the side.  When I went to turn around he grabbed me by the hair of my head and threw me against the wall.  He took his shoe and started kicking me in the stomach numerous times.  When I started to bleed between my legs, he ripped off...off my clothes.  I can't finish Thane."  

By this time Thane had turned around facing me and holding me so tight against his chest.  He was rubbing my back and whispering soothing words.  

"He raped you didn't he?" 

All I could gasp out was a "yea."  I looked up, and Thane had tears in his eyes.  

"I am not scared of you Thane.  I know you would never hurt me.  My first time having sex was with Cooryn when we were seniors in high school.  Oh, God, my past."  

"Blythe, what about your past?"  

"I can't do this.  I can't let you get wrapped up in my warped world.  I am poison Thane.  You deserve a woman who will give you what you need and no baggage.  I have too much baggage."  

Thane took his fingers and lifted my chin to look at him.  

"Blythe, I want to know about you, and your past.  No matter what it is, I will never walk out on you, never."

"Yes you will.  You will never be able to handle my past.  I never told Tanner my past.  Cooryn and Marissa are the only friends of mine that know."  

"I hope you can tell me what happened to you, Blythe."  

"My past was just as bad as it was with Tanner."  

Thane's grip tightened around me.  I could hear him swallow hard.  

"When I was in middle school, my Granny got custody of me.  My real dad was remarried and had another child.  I do have a brother, Jasop.  My mom and I were living with her boyfriend, Chuck.  Chuck was a bastard.  He was a sleazy perverted man."  

Thane must have known where this was headed.  He switched us on the bed.  He was sitting up against the headboard, and I was straddling facing him.  

"At first he would just say sexual things to me."  

I couldn't look Thane in the eyes.  I kept my head down, and he didn't push for anything different.  

"Then, he would get into a tickle thing with me.  Of course it was just so he could touch my breasts, but then one evening while my mom was cooking dinner, he put his hands under my shirt.  He started really touching my breasts.  I bolted from the room and locked myself in my room.  He came to my room and told me to open the door or else.  So, I opened the door.  This was the start of a monster.  He would send my mom on all kinds of errands.  At first it was all oral sex.  I vomited every time.  He would bite me and leave marks all over my feminine parts.  It used to hurt so bad.  He would get so mad at me after I got sick with the oral sex.  He would punch me.  He made sure to leave marks where no one would see them.  He told me if I told he would kill me.  After the first month, I told him to just kill me, I didn't want to live."  

Thane just gasped and kissed my forehead.  

"Once I said that, that is when he started to rape me all of the time.  He said if I wanted to die then he was going to make it worth my while.  After he raped me five times in one day, I stopped talking.  I hurt so badly.   It wasn't long after that that I started to get very painful periods.  So, the rapes didn't happen as much after that.  Finally, during my sixth grade year, I told a teacher.  I was taken straight to the guidance counselor.  After telling him what happened, he called my parents. Yes, there sat my mom and dad in a room together.  I got to sit in a small room off from the office.  I could hear what was going on.  My mom denies everything, and my dad is so mad.  I was so relieved when I heard my dad yelling.  I knew he would come and take me away from Chuck.  Whenever the counselor was done talking to my parents, he told my parents he wanted to talk to me with each of them individually.  So, my mom stayed in the room while my dad sat in the hallway.  I walked into the room, and my mom was so mad at me.  She just started calling me a liar and said I was jealous of her relationship with him.  I had enough.  Right in front of the counselor, I pulled up my shirt and I had two boot mark bruises on my stomach.  The counselor gasped and my mom got up and walked out.  My dad immediately ran into the room and froze.  He came to hug me, and I froze.  I started to hit him and scream.  I told him not to hurt me to just leave me alone.  The counselor then tried to talk to me.  The counselor knew not to approach me after what just happened.  My dad kept trying to tell me that it was him and not Chuck.  Finally after I calmed down, I let my dad touch the bruise.  He asked where else I have bruises.  I told him on my upper arms and thighs.  I wasn't sure about my crotch area. My dad's face went pale.  By the time this was all said, a woman walked into the room."  

"Blythe, you don't have to continue if you want to just stop."  

"No, I need to tell you everything."  

"Okay, honey, tell me whatever you want, I am here.  I am not going anywhere."  

As soon as I took a deep breath I continued. 

"The lady was Dr. Hampton.  She asked me to come with her.  I told her everything.  She told me she had to photograph my body and take some samples from my body.  I was humiliated, but she was wonderful to me.  I felt so comfortable with her.  After she was done, the counselor and a police woman were waiting for us in Dr. Hampton’s office.  Dr. Hampton's office was only a block from the school.   I heard Dr. Hampton tell the police woman that I had multiple contusions and had been raped.  I had a torn labia and my vaginal wall was raw.  She found bite marks all along my thighs and genital area.  I saw tears in Dr. Hampton's eyes.  I was already crying.  Dr. Hampton gave me medication to take.  I asked the counselor where my dad was.  I thought he would be there to take me home with him.  The counselor got a really weird look on his face.  He told me my Granny was coming to get me.  I asked him why my dad was not taking me.  He said that my dad couldn't take me.  I asked the police woman what was going to happen.  She said that Chuck was already in police custody and confessed to hurting me.  My nightmare was finally over.   It really wasn't over though Thane.  My mom left town and never came back.  My dad didn't want me.  So, my Granny came and took me in.  She was the only one that wanted me.  I will say this.  If it wasn't for Cooryn teaching me to trust a male again, I don't know what I would have done.   Here is the part you might find very disturbing.  If you decide to walk out that door and never speak to me again, I totally understand.  Thane, I tried to kill myself when the abuse was happening, the night I got turned over to my Granny, and right after that I lost my baby."  

I went silent and went to get up off of Thane's lap.  He held me in place.  

"Blythe, you didn't have it easy.  I had somewhat of a crappy childhood, but honey, you lived through pure hell.  I think you are a strong woman.   You lived through some horrible beatings, rapes, and yet here you are.  I am proud of you for what you have accomplished in your life.  You took the bad and made something of yourself."  

I just stared deep into his eyes and leaned in and kissed him.  

"Thank you, Thane."  

"No, honey, thank you for sharing your life with me, and I know it wasn't easy.  I feel honored that you felt safe and comfortable enough with me to tell me your most intimate life secrets."  

"Thane, you have done more for me than you will ever know.  You are willing to help me raise a baby that is another man's.  That my dear is an honorable man."  

Thane didn't say anything; he put his hands up to my cheeks and kissed me so delicately and yet with so much passion.  I got lost in his kiss.  He started to rub my back with one hand and play with my hair with his other hand.  I ran my hands through his hair.  He slowly began to take off my shirt.  He paused for a moment waiting for me to say something.  I then reached down and pulled his shirt over his head.  He then finished pulling mine off.  I just got out of the tub earlier and didn't have a bra on.  Lucky for him I was only wearing my shirt and undies.  His hands immediately went to my breasts.  

"You are so beautiful, Blythe."  

"You are absolutely ripped Thane."  He just chuckled. 

We were enjoying each other's bodies.  

"I know I am not that attractive with my little baby bump." I said with a smile on my face.  

"But, I wouldn't give this baby bump up for anything in the world."  

"I wouldn't want you to give that baby bump up for anything in the world.  I will protect you with everything I have, Blythe.  I want you to have a happy healthy baby.  I will help you as long as you will have me."  

"I just don't want you to help me with my baby, Thane.  I want you to have me too."  

"You don't have to ask me that twice.  I have wanted you for over a year now.  I just knew we were working on my project together.  Your Granny was ill, and I didn't want to push.  I am just worried about you now.  Are you going to tell Cooryn the truth?  No matter what you do, I will support you.  The question I have is if you tell Cooryn will you be with him?  I don't want to make love to you and then you regret it."  

"Thane, I won't regret a thing with you.  I am not sure if I will tell Cooryn.  You know how he feels about marriage and children.  Even if he wanted anything to do with the baby, he wouldn't want me.  He is my best friend.  Twice, I slept with him twice.  Once our senior year and then right after my granny's funeral.  We were both drunk when we conceived this baby.  He knows we had sex, but hell, he doesn't even remember not using protection.  Thane, he thinks my baby is yours."  

"I will love this child like it is my own, Blythe.  I promise you that."  

After those words, I stood up on the bed and asked Thane to remove his boxer shorts.  After removing his boxer shorts, he removed my undies.  We got under the covers, and Thane made love to me.  I had only been with Cooryn and Tanner.  Thane was gentle and loving.  He talked to me while we made love.  I told him what I liked, and boy did he respond to my every need.  As soon as we both climaxed, I felt on top of his sweaty body.  We were both sweaty, yet it was the best feeling in the world.  He just held me.  I had never been held so tenderly after making love.  I was in a foreign atmosphere.  I didn't know what this was all supposed to be about.  My hormones must be all over the place, because I started to cry.  

"Oh, honey, what is wrong?  Did I hurt you?  Is the baby okay?  Please, Blythe talk to me."  

"I am fine Thane; I have never felt like this.  Nobody has ever been so gentle and held me like this, ever."  

"Oh honey, you deserve all of this.  You deserve to be happy and loved."  

"You do too, Thane."  

"I hope you keep feeling that way after we get back home." he said in a low husky voice.  

"Why do you say that, Thane?"  

"Blythe, I can't have children."  

"I know that Thane, I don't care.  If we can't have one together, we can adopt.  I have nothing against adoption.  My Granny raised me.  She was the only person on this earth that gave a damn about me when I was growing up.  If you want to be with me, and I am with you, then you have to trust what we are starting."   

"Blythe, I want to go to the next level with you.  I want to love you and the baby, forever."  

"Let's go home, Thane. I don't want to stay here anymore.  I have all of the paperwork done."   

"Don't you want to say goodbye to Cooryn?"  

"I will knock on his door on the way out.  I can leave my rental car here, and the company can pick it up here in the morning.  I can leave the keys to the car at the front desk.  I will say bye to Cooryn while you grab your car."  

"Okay, sounds great.  I will take your keys and check you out and get the car.  How about we meet downstairs in the lobby in about 20 minutes?  Will that be enough time to say bye to Cooryn?"  

"Yes, that is plenty of time to say goodbye."  

We both got dressed and gathered up our stuff.  I gave Thane my rental car keys.  I left the room before Thane did.  I made my way up to Cooryn's suite.  When I got to the door, I knocked.  I heard Cooryn's voice, but I also heard a woman's voice.  I decided to leave.  I was halfway down the hallway when I heard the door open.  Cooryn was standing in the hallway with shorts and a t-shirt on.  His hair was a mess.  I knew exactly why he didn't answer the door.  I shouldn't be mad, hell, I was just downstairs making love to Thane, but dammit, I was carrying his child.  He is the one that refuses to face life.  He doesn't want a wife or children.  Just something deep inside of me hurt.  

"Bly, wait up." he said in a hurried voice.  I just turned around and what I said must have sounded really hurtful.  

"Coor, sorry I interrupted your sex with whomever you decided to pick up tonight.  I just wanted to tell you that I am going back to Lexington tonight.  I am just going to fly back with Thane."  

His eyes looked really sad after I said the first part.  By this time he was standing right in front of me.  

"Bly, what is wrong?"  

"Nothing, I am just tired and this trip was a lot harder on me than I thought it would be.  I just wanted to come up here, see you for a few minutes, give you a hug and say until next time." 

‘Until next time' is a saying Coor and I have used since we were in middle school.  

"Come here Bly."  

Coor extended his arms out to me.  I immediately walked right into his arms.  He gives me a hug that always makes me feel safe.  His hugs picked me up so many times throughout my life and let me know that he loves me.  

"I am going to miss you Bly.  I am glad I came back to see you and look at your old house one last time.  We sure do have a lot of memories to take with us from that place.  I will call you next week to check up on you.  We will text everyday right?"  

"Yeah, we will still text everyday and talk once a week."  

"What is wrong, Bly, did something happen with Thane?"  

"No, Thane and I are just fine.  I just, I just, I mean, I came up here to see you, and I am embarrassed that I interrupted your hot sex with your blond mimbo in there."  

"Ouch, that hurts Bly."  

"Good, I am glad it does."  

"What the hell is this all about Bly?"  

"Nothing, I am just tired and want to go home.  My feet and back are killing me.  I am sorry I ruined your night."  I snapped back.  

"You did not ruin my night, Bly.  I would drop anything to talk to you even if I was having sex with a blond bimbo."  

He said with a smile on his face.  I don't know what got into me, but a tear trickled down my check.  Cooryn immediately wiped it away.  

"What did I do to you, baby?"  

"Nothing, nothing at all, I guess that has always been the damn problem.  Why, why did you sleep with me four months ago?  Don't use us being drunk as an excuse either.  You are my best friend.  We had sex once in high school.  We were able to bounce back from that night, and our friendship stayed completely intact.  But, four months ago, you walked into my world, helped me bury my Granny, had wild passionate sex with me and left.  We used to text everyday and call once a week.  You broke that damn promise.  I didn't hear from you for over a month.  I called, texted, everything.  I got the runaround from your staff, and you never answered my messages.  What if I would have needed you?"  

"Bly, I got the message.  I am sorry I didn't keep my promise.  I should have never slept with you.  It was a mistake.  A horrible, horrible mistake.  I am sorry if that hurt you.  I should have never done that.  Did you expect things to change for us after that night?"  

"I didn't know what to think.  I was so damn numb.  I buried the one person in my life who gave a crap about me growing up.  She took me in when everyone abandoned me.  I thought when you made love to me that night.  It was like everything was coming full circle with us.  You taught me how to trust a boy when I was in 7th grade.  It took you almost a year to make me understand that not every boy would try to touch or hurt me.  You showed me that, you Cooryn.  I thought after that night four months ago.  I thought just maybe, just maybe you had rethought what you wanted out of life.  I thought just maybe you love me.  Not our friendship love, but real honest to god love.  Boy, I was way wrong on that.  I should have known you would never love me.  I was stupid to even think anything beyond you being my best friend.  I know you are a bachelor and will always be that.  You don't want a wife or kids.  I get it.  Okay, I finally f***ing get it."  

Cooryn just stood there.  His mouth was standing wide open and his eyes were darker blue than I had ever seen them.  I did tell myself that our child would have beautiful blue eyes and light colored hair.  I just had to hope and pray the baby looks like me.  

"Bly, I had no idea you felt that way.  I just thought you wanted my body to numb your pain.  I didn't think you loved me beyond friendship.  I never want to lose our friendship.  I care about you way too much to ever let that happen.  I am sorry we were drunk and had sex four months ago.  I am sorry if I hurt you in any way.  I never meant to do that to you.  Please tell me you understand.  I never called or text, because I just knew that deep down inside you needed space.  Hell, maybe I knew how you felt deep down inside and needed to shut you out so you would move on and not dwell on me.  You know I will never change.  No matter how hard I try, I will never marry nor have children.  My dad beat my mom and me. After so long, she left him, but still made me see that madman.  It took you, you Bly to make it all stop.  I slept in your bed more than I ever slept at home Bly.  You were my best friend.  I never had a best friend until you.  You bandaged my broken body.  You kissed away the pain.  You let me know that life was worth living.  You made me whole.  Our friendship is what kept me going.  I would never risk ruining that for sex.  Do you understand?"  

"Yes, Coor, I understand.  I am sorry; I am so hormonal and bitchy anymore.  I just don't want us to leave Greenville, and you decide you are not going to call or text for months again.  I can't handle that either.  You are either in or out of my life." I said in a very low voice.  

"I will never abandon you again, Bly.  I will keep my promise.  I will never take our friendship for granted again.  I love you baby.  Until next time."  

"I love you too, Coor. Until next time."  

We hug each other.  I have had enough of the emotional rollercoaster.  Coor walks me to the elevator.  As the door opens and I step in, Coor puts his foot in the elevator door to keep it from closing and then presses his lips to mine.  I kissed him back and put my head down.  I really wanted to tell him the truth.  I played back our conversation we just had.  He didn't want me.  He doesn't want me or any other woman as a wife or mate.  He sure in the hell doesn't want children.  Thane is my baby's father.  I have to let everyone believe that.  

Thane was waiting for me in the lobby.  He automatically knew something was wrong when I got off the elevator.  I wasn't going to tell him everything that happened though.  He immediately rushed to me.  He said everything was taken care of, and he just wanted to get me back to Lexington.  I totally agreed with him.  I told him we could talk on the plane.  We boarded his private jet.  The first thing that shot out of my mouth was: 

"Thane, please understand that I do not want one penny of your money.  I have my own money.  I don't expect you to pay for anything for me or the baby.  I don't want you to think I am with you because you have money. Please tell me you believe that."  

"Blythe, if I thought for one minute you were with me for my money, I wouldn't be here. I have always had to keep my guard up when it comes to women.  I made the mistake of marrying one gold digger.  The only positive thing with that marriage was I had a prenup with her.  I wasn't supposed to give her a dime of my money.  I am too soft hearted.  I gave her one million dollars to go away and never come back.  I know that sounds horrible, but I didn't want to watch her have a child with another man."  

I froze in my seat.  

"Thane, then what do you truly think of me then?  Here I am having another man's baby, and you want to be a part of his or her life.  What happens if you get sick of the baby and me or decide you don’t want to raise another man's baby? Are you going to pay me off so I will leave?"  

"Hell no, Blythe, I want to be with you, Blythe.  The circumstances in that situation were so different from this one Blythe.  You know that.  I have cared about you for over a year now!  I would never feel I would have to pay you to leave my life.  NEVER!"  

"Thane, I really need to call Marissa.  Do you mind if I call her?"  

"No, I don't mind at all.  Would you like me to leave you alone while you speak with her?"  He said in a very soft and caring voice.  

"I don't care if you stay."  

I got out my cell phone and called Marissa.  I forgot about not telling Thane everything that happened when I went to talk to Cooryn before we left.  I knew he was listening, but he was pretending to be going over some documents in his briefcase.  I knew he was listening because when I told Maris about the blond mimbo, Thane’s eyebrows raised up a little bit.  I don't know how he took what I said to Maris, but I don't want to keep any secrets from him.  I hate secrets.  They tear people apart.  I know, I lived with a horrible secret for years.  I did notice a smile go across Thane's face when I told Maris that I wasn't going to tell Coor he was the father.  I would just let Coor think that Thane was the father.  Maris was actually happy with that answer.  She knows how Coor is.  She knew he would hurt me if I told him.  She knows how complicated it all got.  I talked to her for a few more minutes.  I told her I loved her and would hopefully be able to see her and Emmison in the near future.  Maris and I always tell each other before we hang up 'Until we talk again....I miss...love you.'

When I hung up, a tear fell down my cheek.  Thane was right beside me wiping it away.  He said that was the sweetest thing he has ever heard.  I asked him what the sweetest thing he has ever heard was.  He said the way we hung up with each other.  I told him that Maris really liked him.  He smiled.  He said we would be landing in Lexington in about 5 minutes.  I needed to sit and buckle up.

After we landed, Thane asked me if I would go back to his house with him.  At first I was really reluctant, but his house was very close to the private airport.  I finally told him sure.  We got to Thane's house around 1am.   It was a beautiful three story home.  I couldn't wait until tomorrow to go exploring.  When we got inside, he asked if I was hungry.  I really was hungry.   He carried me up to his master bedroom.  All I can say is "wow".  He told me to get comfortable, and he would be right back.  I stripped down and found one of Thane’s white t-shirts on his dresser.  It smelled like him.  I put it on.  Thane walked in the room and stopped in the doorway.  I asked him if everything was alright.  He said his shirt never looked better!  He had two different kinds of sandwiches, homemade noodles, pickles and juice on a tray.  I had to chuckle about the pickles.  He stripped down to his boxers.  He placed the serving tray on the side table and sat on the bed with me.  He asked if I wanted to eat on the bed or on the couch that was in the corner by the fireplace.  I told him it didn't matter to me.  We opt to stay in bed.  We ate everything.   I remember Thane taking the tray and walking out of the room.  When I woke up sometime early morning, I felt a warm body surrounding me.  At first, I panicked.  I then realized where I was at, and who I was with.  

"Good morning beautiful." he said in a sexy voice.  

"Good morning to you too." I said back in a very tired voice.  

"What are you doing today, Blythe?"  

“I don't have any plans."  

"Great, I have somewhere I would like to take you."  

"Where?" 

"It is a surprise." 

"Are you up to flying in my plane again?"  

"I can fly, but where are we going, Thane.  I am really bad with surprises.  I can't wait until next month so I can find out the sex of the baby.  It is killing me not to know."  

"Patience, honey, patience."  

We got up, showered, and ate breakfast.  I noticed that Thane already had our bags loaded in his car.  We headed straight back to the private airport.  I heard him say something to his pilot, but I didn’t hear every word he said.  The minute we landed, I knew we were in Michigan.  He brought me to Michigan to see Marissa, Emmison and Geoffrey.  I grabbed him and gave him the biggest kiss I could possibly give.  He held me and kissed me back.  

"Thank you Thane, you have no idea how much this means to me.  I haven't seen Marissa since my granny died.  We talk everyday, either by phone, texting, or email, but seeing her and my god-daughter in person, nothing compares to that.  This will be the first time I get to see her new house.  I need to call and tell her I am here.  I hope she isn't busy."  

"Blythe, she isn't busy.  I have already talked to her." Thane said in a very happy voice.  

"You are the best, Thane.  I truly mean that with all of my heart.  You are way too good for me."  

"No, you are too good for me, baby."  

There was a convertible waiting for us in the parking lot.  We got in the car, and the GPS took us straight to Maris's house.  I walked up on the porch and was getting ready to knock when Emmison opened the door, and Maris was right behind her.  I picked up Emmison and gave Maris the best hug.  We both were crying.  Emmison is rolling her eyes and wiping her mom and my tears.  She made everyone laugh when she looked at Thane and said: 

"They are so silly.  I don't know why they cry all the time.  They are so crazy."  

Thane just giggled.  Emmison extended her arms out to Thane.  Thane looked at Marissa, and she nodded her head yes.  Emmison threw herself into his arms.  He swung her around in the air.  Emmison just laughed and laughed.  

Thane was excited when Emmison jumped into his arms.  She started talking up a storm to him.  Marissa and I headed to the kitchen to start getting lunch and talking.  Thane said he would play with Emmison in her play area off of the living room.  

I told Marissa what was happening with Thane and Coor.  Even though I told her on the phone, telling her in person let me see the reaction on her face.  

After spending a few days with Maris, Emmison and Geoffrey, Maris’s husband, it was time to head back to Lexington.  I couldn’t have asked for a better surprise from Thane.  He was truly an amazing man.  Thane and Geoffrey really got along too.  They have a lot in common.  Geoffrey said he would bring Marissa and Emmison to Lexington in a couple of months to stay at Thane’s.  Emmison will love the indoor pool.  

As soon as we got back to Lexington, I needed to finish up a big account.  It was my last major account before I had the baby.  I had to call the doctor’s office on Tuesday to make an appointment.  I was excited when Dr. Harman’s office told me he could see me on Friday.  

Thane and I had dinner Tues, Wed and Thursday night. I stayed at his place on Tuesday night and he stayed at my place on Wed. night.  Tonight, being Thursday, I am not sure what I will do.  I told Thane over dinner on Thursday that I had a doctor’s appointment at 3:30pm on Friday.  I would not be able to have dinner with him until later Friday evening if he wanted to still have dinner together.  

I really wanted to ask him to accompany me to my doctor’s appointment, but I was afraid too.  I know he said he would be there for me and the baby, but the ‘what if’s’ always come to play in my mind.  I called Thane right before I got to the doctor’s office.  He knew I was calling, because before I could say a word. 

“Blythe, are you feeling okay?” 

“I am okay; I am just thinking and wanting too much.”  

I say and put my head down.  

    “What do you want, Blythe?”

    “Dinner with you later tonight.”

    “Blythe, we were already going to have dinner.  What is wrong, baby?”

    “Nothing, just wish I could see you.”

    “Soon, baby, very soon.”

    “Okay, see you soon Thane.”

    “Bye baby.”

    “Bye.”

I walked into Dr. Harman’s office at 3:10pm.  I signed in at the nurse’s desk and sat down.  Right after I sat down I looked up and there stood Thane.  Relief overtook me and Thane noticed that right off.  

“I wasn’t sure if you wanted me to be here until I heard your voice on the phone.” He said.  

“I really wanted you here, but I was scared to ask.  I didn’t want you to feel sorry for me or obligated by any means.” 

“Never be scared to ask me anything and if I didn’t want to be here, I wouldn’t.  Honey, I will always be here for you and the baby always.” He said in a soft caring voice.  

The nurse then called my name.  Thane and I walked back to the examination room.  After a series of questions, Dr. Harman came in to measure my belly and do an ultrasound.  He started rolling the ultrasound wand over my belly, and we could hear the heartbeat.  We could see the baby’s entire body on the screen.  Its fist was in his/her mouth.  I had tears just streaming down my face.  Thane was holding my hand.  I could see Thane’s eyes, and they were misty.  Thane wiped my tears away and held my hand tighter.  The doctor said he could tell us the sex of the baby.  I told him I wanted to know.  I asked Thane if he wanted to know.  He said if I wanted to know then it was fine with him too.  He seemed shocked when I asked him.  

“It is a girl.” The doctor said,  

I was so excited.  

“I am going to have the little girl I always wanted, Thane.  I always wanted a girl.  I want to be the mother to her that I never had.”  

“Wow, I get to spoil two girls now.” Thane said.  

After the doctor left, I got dressed.  

After we left the doctor’s office Thane took us out to celebrate.  As we were eating, I asked Thane what girl names he liked.  Thane looked straight into my eyes and tears escaped his eyes.  

“What is wrong Thane? I am sorry if I hurt you.”  I said in a very scared, sad voice.  

“Nothing is wrong, Blythe, they are tears of joy.  I am just surprised you asked me for my opinion on something so important.”  

“Thane, you said you wanted to be a part of our lives.  I am holding you to that.”  

“Thank you, baby, thank you.  You have made me a very happy man.”  

“So, what girl names do you like?”  

I could see Thane thinking about it.  

“Pacey, Breyella, Zoey, Faith, Hope, Belinda, Jasmine, Kendra, Gracelynn, Braelyn, just to name a few.  What names do you like?” He asked.  

“I like Gracelynn, but I really like Braelyn.  I know what her middle name will be.  So, I will be giving our baby the middle name, Dawn.”  

Thane grew very pale, and his eyes lit up.  

“What did you just say?”  He gasped.  

“Dawn will be her middle name.”  I said.  

“No, tell me what you said word for word.”  

“Thane, I am not sure what I said word for word.  I said something like I have to give our daughter the middle name Dawn.  I don’t understand Thane, what is going on?”  

He put his head in his hands.  His shoulders were going up and down.  I left my chair and went to him.  I lifted his head.  He was crying.  I grabbed and hugged him.  

“What is wrong Thane?  I don’t know what I said to upset you like this.  Am I pushing you too much?  If I am, I don't mean to.”  

“Do you not realize what you said?  You said ‘our’ baby.  Yes, our baby.”  

“Oh, I said.  Thane, what do you want?  I am so confused with all of this.” I pleaded to him.   

“No, I am overjoyed.  I am not upset, they were tears of joy.  I just can’t believe you said ‘our’ baby.”  

“It just came out that way.  You are going through this pregnancy with me.  She is ‘our’ baby in every way.”  

“Blythe, why is Dawn so important to you?”  He asked.

“My granny’s middle name was Dawn.”  

“She was a wonderful woman, Blythe.  I am so glad I got to know her while we were working on my skyscraper.  I never knew her real name, because you always called her granny.”  

“Her name was Juanita Dawn Brownstone.”  

“I think Dawn would be a beautiful middle name to honor your granny.”  Thane said in a very proud voice.  

“Braelyn Dawn, what do you think of that name?”  

“I like Blythe.”  

“Now Braelyn Dawn what?” I say in a very serious voice.  

“What do you mean, Blythe?”  He asked.  

“Her last name: Slidenger or Mansfield?”  

Thane’s eyes grew really wide, and I immediately said: 

“Sorry, that isn’t fair to you.  I don’t want you to think I am doing this for money or anything like that.  I just thought..I thought..”  

I just couldn’t even talk anymore.  

“Blythe, stop it.  I would be honored for her to have my last name.  I am hoping you will take it too.”  

I was speechless.  

“I..I..I’m not ready for that yet.  I can see us married down the road, but not anytime soon.”  

I then bolted from the restaurant.  I heard Thane coming after me.  As he approached me, I started to walk down the sidewalk.  I just couldn’t think straight.  I thought Thane would make a great dad for my baby.  I just never thought about myself long enough.  I wasn’t thinking.   I truly loved Thane.  I just couldn’t tell him that.  I was hurt so badly by two men.  I just can’t get past my past.  I just needed more time to get used to the idea of becoming a mother first.  Hopefully Thane will understand that.

“Bly, stop.”  

I froze.  Nobody but Granny, Maris, and Coor had ever called me Bly.  Why did he just call me that?  What the hell was going on?  Then he was standing beside me before I could even open my mouth.  I had so many questions running through my mind.  

“Why did you run, Blythe?”  

“Why did you call me Bly?”  

“I heard Marissa call you that for days when we were in Michigan.  I just thought it was your nickname.  If you don’t want me to call you that, I won’t.  It just popped out of my mouth.”  

“Granny, Marissa and Coor are the only ones that have ever called me that.  Even mom doesn’t call me that..Well, maybe she did sometimes.”  I said with a smile on my face.  

“Who?”  

“Marissa’s mom, Iris, she is my mom too.  I call her mom.  I think I have only called her Iris a handful of times to her face.  She is a wonderful woman.  She lives in Greenville right beside the house I grew up in.”  

“Oh, I understand.  I was confused for a moment.  I thought you said you haven’t talked to your real mom.”  

“I don’t have any other mom, Thane.  Iris is my mom.  She always has and always will be.”  

“I would love to meet her sometime then, Blythe.”  

“I would love for you to meet her too.”  

“Thane, I don’t care that you call me Bly; I was just shocked to hear you say it.  I am sorry I ran out.  I just get scared when it comes to relationships.  I don’t know what is wrong with me.”  

“Nothing is wrong with you.  We will just take this slow and see what happens.  I don’t want to push or rush you, Blythe.”  

“Okay, thanks.”

He laced his fingers through mine, and we headed to his car.  As soon as we got to his car, my phone vibrated.  It was a text message from Cooryn.  

‘Hey baby, how are you?  How is the baby? I will be in your area next month. Can we have dinner or something?’ 

I texted back: ‘I am doing great.  The baby is a girl!  Yes, Coor, I am having a girl.  I am so excited.  My dream is finally coming true.  Yes, I would love to see you when you are in town.  Just call me whenever you get into town.  Until next time…love and miss you…XOXO.’

‘Sounds like a plan Bly.  Until next time…love and miss you too XOXO.’

“Cooryn just told me he would be in Lexington next month.  He wants to get together and have dinner.” I said.  

“I am glad you will get to see him.” Thane said.  

The next month flew by.  My doctor’s appointment went well.  She is starting to kick up a storm now.  Cooryn just called and said he was in town.  We decided to meet at a little restaurant downtown.  I invited Thane, but he said he had a meeting.  After dinner Coor and I went back to my house.  I told him he was more than welcome to stay in my cottage if he needed too.  He said he was only in town for a couple of days, but he would take me up on the offer when he came back in Mid-July.  He was opening a new cancer center and this trip was to finalize the paperwork for the building they were purchasing, but in July, he would be here for at least 4 weeks to get the center up and running.  

As we were sitting on my couch, Braelyn decided she was going to start kicking up a storm.  I asked Coor if he wanted to feel her kick.  He placed his hand on my belly.  

“Wow, Bly, that is amazing.  You look so beautiful pregnant.  I am so happy for you and Thane.  I know a real family is all you have ever wanted.”  

“Thank you and yes, Braelyn will make my life complete indeed.”   

“Welcome, baby.”  

“So, are you seeing anyone, Coor?”  I asked in a very curious voice.  

“I was going out with a nurse from one of the centers, but things were getting a little too serious for me.  Plus, she ended up having a child from her first marriage.   He was a cute fellow, but I will not go down that road.” He said in a very stern voice.

“Coor, one day you need to tear down your walls you have built up so high around you.  You need to love.”  

“I do love Bly, I love you and Marissa.  I get enough love on the side too.” He said laughing.  

“What if you had to grow up Coor?”  

“What is that supposed to mean?” He asked in a very curious voice.  

“One day you will have to grow up and take responsibility for your life and actions.”  

“Where in the hell is this all coming from, Bly?”  

“Nothing, never mind.” I snapped back. 

“No, you started this conversation now tell me what you mean by that.”  

“If a woman told you she was pregnant, and you were going to be a father, what would you do?”  

“It doesn’t matter, Bly.  It will never happen.”  

“Humor me Coor, what would you do?”  

“Depends what the woman wanted.  I guess if she wanted child support I would send money, if she wanted to give the baby up for adoption, I would really be for that.  I will never hurt a child like I was hurt.  I don’t know how to be a dad.  I am damaged.  I will not damage a child.  I will not raise a child and be forced to stay with the mother out of obligation.  I am not an old fashioned kind of guy.  This is just a hard question to answer Bly.”  He said in a very confused yet pissed off voice.

“Wow, I can’t believe what I just heard from you.” I said back to him.  

“You said you wanted me to be honest and when I am, you don’t like my answer, Bly?”  He said.  

“Sorry, I am just tired and was curious about what you would do.  I will not judge you.  I just have so many things running through my mind.”  

“Well, Bly, I am going to go to bed. I am tired and have to head back to Ohio in the morning.  I will make you breakfast in the morning.”  

“Okay, goodnight and see you in the morning.”

I debated all night whether or not to tell Cooryn the truth about the baby.  I knew he deserved to know, yet I knew he didn’t want a child or me for that matter.  He liked being a bachelor.  For now, I would respect that.  When I went down for breakfast, Cooryn was just about done with it.  He had the table set and everything.  We ate and just talked about random things.  All of a sudden Braelyn kicked me really hard. I sort of grabbed my stomach.  Coor jumped up and asked if everything was okay.  I told him everything was fine.  The baby was just being very active this morning.  Finally something came over me.

“Coor, can I ask you something?”  

“Yes, Bly, you know you can ask me anything,”  

“What would you do if the baby I was carrying was yours?”  

“Bly, why would you even ask me a question like that?  Damnit, that isn’t funny.  You know that would ruin     everything between us.  Why are you so fixated on this?  Do you think since Marissa is married and has a     daughter and now you are going to have a baby with Thane, I need to be with someone?”   

“No, it is a question, answer it.”  

“Bly, it would be hard to answer.  You wouldn’t like my answer.  I guess I would give you money and keep our friendship the way it is.  I would never jeopardize our friendship.  Our friendship means too much to me.  We almost lost our friendship in high school, I won’t do that again.  Then when your granny died grief hit us both.  I apologized for that.  Being drunk isn’t an excuse.  I would like you to be happy.  You have always wanted a family.  I wouldn’t want to ruin that for you by accidentally getting you knocked up.”  

As he finished, I had tears streaming down my face.   Coor hugged me.  

“See, I told you I didn’t want to answer that stupid question.  It would only hurt you.”  

“Coor you have made it perfectly clear how you feel about marriage and children.  I guess I needed to hear you see it out loud.”  

“I gotta go Bly.”  

“Okay, Coor, have a safe trip home.  Call or text me when you get back to Cincinnati.”  

“I love you Bly, you do know that, right?”  

“Yes, and I love you too!”   

“I really hate you asking those questions.  You seemed really disappointed with my answers.  I am happy for Bly.  I am really happy.  I don’t need a complication like a baby or a woman tying me down for life.  It just isn’t me.”  

“Coor.”  

“Yeah, Bly.”  

As pointed to my belly, I said: 

“The baby in here, she belongs to you!”  

“What in the hell are you talking about?”  

“After Granny’s funeral, it happened then, Coor.”  

“This baby is Thane’s; he came to Greenville when I called him.  You didn’t tell me then.  How do you know that it isn’t his?  It could be either one of ours, Bly.  Don’t do this to me.”  

“The first time I ever slept with Thane was in Greenville that night, Coor.”  

Cooryn’s face went pale.  

“How could you do this to me, Bly?  How?”  

“How could I do this to you?  It took two people to have sex.  As I recall you were enjoying yourself just as much as I was.  I am sorry that I didn’t think about a condom.  I was in shock over just burying the only woman who wanted me when everyone else walked out of my life whenever I needed them the most.  I couldn’t take birth control.  I had cancer dammit.”  

“What do you want from me, Bly?  I know it takes two to have sex.  I forgot that you were not on birth control pills.  I just remember you used to take them in high school.  I totally forgot you couldn’t take them after you battled ovarian cancer.  I am sorry.”  

“I don’t want a damn thing from you.  I want you to remain my best friend.  I want to raise my daughter.  Thane wants to raise her too.  Do you have a problem with that?”

“If Thane wants to be a father, I think that is for the best for everyone involved.”  

“Are you sure Coor?”  

“Yes, I am sure, Bly.”  

“I just had to tell you the truth.  I knew how you felt from all of our previous conversations about marriage and children.  I was upset and needed to just get it out in the open.  I didn’t mean to keep it from you or hurt you.”   

“I gotta go to Bly, until next time, I love and will miss you.”  

“Until next time, I love and will miss you too.”

He left, and I felt like he took a knife and stabbed me in the heart.  I needed to call and talk to Thane.  

It was the last week of May.  I have approximately 7 weeks left until I can meet Braelyn.  Marissa and her family were up last month and had a wonderful time.  Marissa is still very upset with Cooryn.  Yet, Marissa is happy that Thane will get to be a dad.  

I was doing laundry, because Thane had a business meeting and wouldn’t be stopping by until later that evening.  My laundry room is off of the kitchen.  So, when I was taking my last load out of the dryer, I got an intense cramp in my stomach.  I sat the basket down and stood up.   I slowly made my way to the living room to lie down on the couch.   By the time I sat down, another cramp hit me.  I called Thane’s cell phone and got his voice mail.  I didn’t know where his business meeting was at.  I called his office and nobody answered.  I called Marissa.  I told her what was going on.  She told me to call an ambulance.  So, I called the ambulance.  The ambulance came and got me to the ER within 30 minutes of my call.  After the ER doctor saw me, he sent me to the OB/GYN wing to be admitted.  I was told by Dr. Harman that I was going into early labor.  They were going to start pumping me with medication to help stop the labor.  Finally after about an hour, Thane called my cell.  The nurse answered it for me.  She told Thane what was going on.  Thane arrived at the hospital within 20 minutes.  He told me his phone was turned off in his pocket.  He wasn’t sure how it got turned off.   He took it out of his pocket to call me and ask me if I wanted something to eat and that is when he noticed it was off.   He then listened to my voicemail and read my text.  He kept apologizing for not answering it.  I told him I wasn’t worried about that.  All I was worried about was getting the labor stopped.  The doctor said I had to stay calm.  

After being in the hospital for five days, I got to go home.  I was going to be put on bed rest for the rest of my pregnancy.  I would only be allowed up so many hours a day.  Thane insisted I come and stay with him.  He had a cook, housekeeper and would get a nurse to come in to monitor my condition.  I was grateful for all the support.  I called Cooryn to tell him what was going on as well too.  He said he was going to come and see me.  I told him I would be staying at Thane’s.  He didn’t have to make the trip.  He said he was making the trip.  He seemed like he really wanted to be involved.  I was hoping that this situation wouldn't turn out bad.  I know I could handle it if all of this started to blow up in my face once I had to start remaining calm.

Five weeks before my due date, Coor shows up at Thane’s house.  He said we needed to talk.  I knew things were probably going to get bad.  I had a bad feeling that Coor was going to start wanting to play a role in Braelyn’s life.  I just had to get this under control.  I couldn’t do anything to hurt Thane.  Yet, this was Coor’s baby girl.  But, Coor let it be known months ago he didn’t want to be a dad or anything else. 

“Bly, I don’t know if I can walk away from our daughter.” Coor says.  

“What has brought this change of heart now, Coor?” I said in a pleading voice.  

“The more I think about you and Braelyn, the more I don’t want to sit on the sidelines anymore.”  

“Where were you when I told you about her and needed you?  You made it perfectly clear you didn’t want all of this.  I am building a life with Thane and now you want to come in and complicate that.”  

I am crying now.  

“I don’t want to hurt you, Bly.  I just feel I have a right to change my mind.”  

“Oh, I see, you finally want to grow up, and I am supposed to just drop everything and accommodate you now?”  

“I don’t mean it like that.  I love you, Bly.”  

“You know what Coor, I love you too.  I have always loved you.  But, I can’t do this.  You can say you will be here now and then in a month or two are gone.”  

“I would never just abandon you, Bly.”  

“You won’t abandon us, but you will want your freedom.  You will want those other women.  You won’t be able to just live with me in your bed.  I will not move to Ohio.  I know you will not move here.  So, it will be a part time dad on your part.”  

I am talking in a very defensive voice.   

“I just want you to move back to your house.  I will stay in the cottage and help you.  I need to see this through Bly.”  

“What about Thane, Coor?”  I say.  

“What about him, Bly?  He isn’t Braelyn’s father.”  

“How dare you.  He has been to every doctor’s appointment.   Stayed at the hospital with me when I was having trouble with the pregnancy, plus he invited me to his home for someone to take care of me.  So, how can you even dismiss him like that?”  

Yelling this.

“Bly, I never said he couldn’t be a part of your or the baby’s life.  I just think I would like to try and be a part of Braelyn’s life once she gets here.”  

“You know what, I will think….” 

and before I could finish, I was doubled over in pain.   I couldn’t breathe, and started to cramp really badly.  Coor started to panic.  I hit a button on my phone and Thane was in the room within a minute.  He bolted through the door.  He knew whenever he got that pre-made text, something was wrong.  

“What is wrong, Bly?” he said.  

Before I could say anything, Coor told him I was having bad cramping.  Thane picks me up and carries me down the stairs.  He grabs the small bag from the closet and bolts out the door.  Coor is behind him asking him what he’s doing.  

“Coor, I have to get her to the hospital.  She has high sugar and blood pressure.  If it gets too high it could kill both of them.”  He said in a very stern tone.  

“She isn’t supposed to be under any stress whatsoever.”  

“I will take her to Thane.” Coor said.  

“No, I will take her; you can ride with us or follow me.”  He snaps back.  

Coor doesn’t say anything else.  He just hops in his car and follows us to the hospital.  The minute we get in the door, Genève is on duty.  She is a wonderful nurse.  She immediately takes me to an examination room.   She tells Thane to follow us back, but Coor is right there too.  Genève doesn’t know that Thane isn’t the real baby’s father and tells Coor to remain in the waiting room.  Coor tells her no that he is the baby’s father and will be going back too.  I told them I would go back by myself.  I just couldn’t deal with it right now.    I saw the hurt in Thane’s eyes, and Coor was just pissed.  Genève just didn’t care.  She told both men to wait in the waiting room, and she would let them know what was going on soon.

As soon as she got me back and started to help me undress, she asked me if I was okay.  

“No, all during my pregnancy, Thane has been this baby’s father.  Coor, he is my best friend.  When my Granny died, we had sex when we were drunk.  Coor made it perfectly clear he didn’t want a child or marriage.  So, I let him off the hook.   Now, after all of this time, he wants to be a part of Braelyn’s life.  I want him to be, but Thane is going too!”  

“Oh, Blythe, I am so sorry.  I wish I could make this easier on you, but you have to stay calm.  You have to for your and the baby’s sake.” She said with a tender and loving voice.  

“I will try. I will try, but I am scared to death at the moment.”  She said Dr. Harman was paged.  

Once I was in a gown, the fetal monitor was put on my belly.  She said that the baby’s heartbeat was a little too fast.  I really needed to just breathe and relax.  She said my blood pressure was too high as well.  She said she was going to give me something to relax me.  I told her once she did that, then she could have Thane and Coor come back.  But, before any of that could happen, I got a sharp pain ripping through my stomach.  The fetal monitor showed it was a contraction and then all of a sudden, my water broke.  

“No, she can’t come yet I was screaming.  It is way too early.”  

Genève said: 

“Blythe, there is nothing we can do, she has to come now.  She will be fine.  Everything will be okay if you calm down.  You can’t be upset.  You have to stay focused.  Can you do that?”  

“Yes.” I said hesitantly. 

Genève got me cleaned up, and said she would be right back.  Dr. Harman came into the room and then Thane and Coor came in right after.  I asked for my cell phone.  I needed to call Marissa.  As soon as Thane handed me his cell phone, I called Marissa.  She talked me through some things I was going through.  I kept telling her it was too early.  She kept trying to reassure me things would work out.  Just hearing her voice made me start to relax.  I told her about Coor.  She said to hand the phone to Coor.  I handed the phone to Coor.  I told him Marissa wanted to talk to him.  The minute Coor took the phone; Thane was hugging me so tenderly.  All I kept telling him was how sorry I was.  He kept telling me not to worry about anything.  For the first time Thane kissed me on the lips and said: 

“I love you, Bly, but if you decide to have Braelyn and go with Coor.  I will not be selfish.  I will let you go.  It will be the hardest thing I will ever have to do, but I love you and would do that.” 

He is saying this in a choked up voice with tears streaming down his face.  I look right back into his eyes and say: 

“I love you too, Thane.”   

Coor steps back from the corner of the room and hands me the phone.  His eyes met mine, and I saw so many emotions in his stare.  I started talking to Marissa again.  Before I hung up with her, Thane asked to speak with her.  I handed Thane back his phone after I told her I loved her so much.  I couldn’t wait to introduce her to Braelyn.   While Thane was talking to Marissa, Coor came over to talk to me.  

“Bly, I will not make this difficult for you.  Please, just let me see how this goes after Braelyn is born.”  

“Coor, do whatever, I can’t worry about anything now, but staying calm and having Braelyn.”  

“Can I ask you her full name?”  

“Braelyn Dawn”  

“That is beautiful, Bly.”  

“She will have my last name Coor.  I am telling you that right now.”  

“That is fine, Bly, I won’t argue that with you.”  

“Good.”  

The Doctor came in and said that he needed to check me.  He needed the guys to step out.   I was 6 cm dilated.  He said I must have a high tolerance to pain.  I told him I was a cancer survivor.  If I could beat cancer, I could have a baby.  He just smiled at me and said I was right.  

About three hours later, it was time to push.  Coor was on one side while Thane on the other.  I started to push, and then everything went black.  

I hate dreaming.  I keep dreaming about my dad.  I keep hearing his voice in my head.  I hate that he is trying to talk to me.  He is acting like he needs to talk to me.  I don’t want him to act like he cares about me now.  Man, why do dreams seem so real?  I really need to wake up from this dream now.  Wait, now I hear Thane and Marissa.  They are all talking to me.  What are they saying?  This is one really weird dream and I really want to wake up.  I really need to open my eyes.  Why are my eyelids so heavy?  I can’t be that tired damn it.  Finally, they are starting to open.  As I open one eye, all I can get out is 

“Maris, Maris, where are you?”  

“Oh my God, Bly, I am so happy to hear your voice.” 

She is then lying in my bed with me with her arms around me.  I am trying to hug her back, but I am so sore.  My whole body hurts.  I then put my hand to my belly to touch Braelyn.  

“Oh no, oh no, where is my baby, no Maris, no.”  

“Bly, Braelyn is fine now.  She is in the nursery.  Braelyn Dawn is doing great.  She was born June 10th at 8:30pm and weighed 4 pounds 3 oz. and 18 inches long.”  

“Maris, she is too tiny.  What have I done?  I should have done better.”  

I am crying hysterically now. Maris grips my face and is looking at me.  

“Bly, yes, at first things were really scary for Braelyn, but with one blood transfusion, she was great.  You are the one that scared us to death.  You lost so much blood Bly.  You died on the table.  Don’t you ever do that to me again!   God, Bly, I love you so much.”  

I couldn’t even talk.  

“Can I hold my baby girl?”  

“I will go check and see.” 

“Bly, there is someone here that needs to see you.  He saved your life with three blood transfusions over a two and a half week period.” 

“Maris, you mean I have missed two and a half weeks of Braelyn’s life?”  

“Bly, it wouldn’t have mattered.  She has been in the ICU since she was born.”  

“Has anyone got to hold her at all?  She will feel abandoned if nobody has held her.  I haven’t breastfeed her either.”  

“Calm down Bly, everything is going to be fine.  Yes, we have all got to hold Braelyn.  I even got to feed her.  You will get there very soon.”  

Marissa said in a very soft and loving voice.  

“Maris, who is here to see me?  Who donated blood to Braelyn and me?”  

“How about I go check on Braelyn and Thane can fill you in on that.  They are all sitting right outside in the waiting room.  We have been taking turns sitting with you.   I am going to go get him, okay?”  

“Okay.”  

Marissa left the room and then all of a sudden the door bursts open and Thane comes running to me.  He wraps his arms around me while saying.  

“Blythe, you can’t even imagine how great it is to see you awake.  I have been wishing for this day for so long.  You scared the hell out of me.  I love you, baby.  I love seeing your beautiful blue eyes.”  

“I love you too, Thane.  It is great to see you too.  Thane, who donated the blood to Braelyn and me?” I asked in a curious voice.  

“I donated blood to Braelyn.  Um, I think the person who donated blood to you three times needs to tell you.  Can I go get him now?”  

“Yes.”  

Thane stepped out of the door, and the man that walked in right behind him made my heart drop.  I can’t believe my father, Ian, was here.  

“Why, why did you come, Ian?  Why did you donate your blood for me?  Why, why now?  You didn’t care if a man hurt me years ago, but now, now you are here, why?”  

I was just so upset seeing him.  He slowly walked up to my bed and sat down in the chair beside it.  He had tears flowing down his face.  He softly said: 

“I love you Blythe.  I did it, because you are my daughter.  You could have died if I didn’t come.  I didn’t even know you were having a baby.  I am a grandpa now.  All I ever wanted was to be just a small part of your life.  I was so wrong not to take you in when you were younger.  There are no excuses; I just felt I didn’t deserve you.  I failed you.  I let some man hurt you so badly.  I should have known and stopped it.  I felt guilty.  I tried to contact you numerous times.  I never heard back from you.  I tried Blythe, I really did try.” 

He then put his head down.  

“Ian, all I ever wanted was to belong.  Granny raised me the best she could.  Did you know she died in October?  I miss her so much.  The only positive that came out of her dying was getting pregnant for Braelyn.”  

“I know she died, Blythe.  I also know you are a very successful architect here in Lexington.  You designed some outstanding skyscrapers.  I know Granny lived in your cottage.  I have kept tabs on you.  I do love you.  I love you more than you will ever know.”  Ian said very calmly.  

“Thank you for saving my life, Ian.  We can talk more later.  I just want to see my baby.”  

“Okay, Blythe, that sounds great.” 

Maris came walking into the room.  I tried to get up too fast and almost fell forward.  Ian was there to help me.  At first I wasn’t going to let him help me, but I did.  I then asked Thane to come over for a moment.  

“Thane, will you ask someone if they can take the catheter out? It is really bothering me.”  

“Yes, honey, I will go out and talk to the nurse.”  

“Thank you.”

Maris said I would be allowed to go down to ICU and hold Braelyn.  She said a nurse would be here shortly with a wheelchair.  

“Thanks.” 

“Welcome.”

“Maris, where is Coor?”  

“He had to go back to Ohio, but he will be back soon.”  She said,  

“What happened with that whole mess?  Did Thane and Coor get along while I was in a coma?”  

“It is complicated, Bly.”  

“Damnit Maris, it can’t be complicated.  Did Coor hold Braelyn?”  

“No, he didn’t hold Braelyn, but he signed the papers to be her father, but it won’t be official until you sign them.  He didn’t like the fact that Thane was the one who ended up being the one to donate the blood for Braelyn’s transfusion.  They sort of got into a fight about that.  Thane and you have the same blood type.  Thane said you would want him to save Braelyn first.  He knew with her being early she needed the blood first.  Coor disagreed with him.  He said that you were more important.  If he had to choose, you would have got the blood first.”  

Maris said with a very concerned look on her face.  

“How could he do this to me, Maris?  He would sacrifice Braelyn’s life like that.  What was he thinking?”  

“He wasn’t thinking, Bly, that was the problem.”  She said,  

I was livid.  

“So, the hell with a baby, he didn’t want children anyway.  What if I can’t have any more children?  He could have taken the only child I could ever have away from me if he would have made the decision.  By the way, who made the decision?”  

“I did.  You have me down as your next of kin.  I knew what you would want.”  

“Thank you Maris, thank you for making sure Braelyn lived.”  

“You never have to thank me, Bly.  I love you and Braelyn.”  

“I love you too.  Maris, I want Thane to be Braelyn’s father.  He deserves to be.  He has been with me the entire time.  What in the hell am I going to do?”  

“You are going to get in a wheelchair.  Then, you are going to go hold your baby girl.  We can figure out the rest later.  I am just glad you are awake…alive!”

As soon as I got to the ICU and saw Braelyn’s little body lying in the incubator, my heart stopped.  I can’t believe she is here and that small.  I am so scared I will hurt her.  I go into a small room.  The nurse hands me Braelyn.  I am rocking and talking to you.  It feels so right to have her in my arms.  I asked the nurse if I could breastfeed her.  She said I could try.  They made sure not to give me any medications that could affect her if I wanted to try.  I slowly move Braelyn to my breast.  She won’t latch on to my breast.  The nurse comes over and shows me what to do.  Braelyn finally latches on and starts breastfeeding.  It is the most wonderful feeling.  As I look up, Thane is standing in the doorway of the small room I am in.  I wave for him to come in.  The nurse said he was allowed to come in.  He walks over to me and kisses me.  He doesn’t even care that I am breastfeeding Braelyn.  I knew then and there that Thane loved us both, unconditionally.  As Braelyn was eating, Thane was running his hand over her hair.  She didn’t have much, but she had some fine blonde hair.  The minute Thane started talking; Braelyn stopped sucking and tried to move her head.  I truly think she recognized his voice.  I told Thane to sit down beside me in the other chair.  He sat down and grabbed her tiny little fingers.  It was a precious moment.  I didn’t want to leave this moment.  I wanted this moment to be embedded in my mind forever.  The nurse came back in and said Braelyn needed to go back into the incubator for a little bit.  She would come get me later.  

Thane started to wheel me back to my room, but I asked him to stop in a small little area right before the nurses’ station.  

“Thane, thank you for saving Braelyn’s life.  Maris said that you knew what I would have wanted too.  I am so glad she had the say.  If Coor would have had his way, Braelyn might not be here with us.  How could he do that, Thane, how?”

“Bly, I have no idea.  I know how much you love her.  I knew we could find a donor sooner or later for you.  She was just so tiny. I am glad Marisa could come.  My private jet was being prepared right after I hung up my cell phone with Marisa.  I just knew you would want her here, and she would want to be here.  I do what I do for you, Bly, because I love you and Braelyn.  I don’t care about anyone else.  I did meet your dad.  I know you have some major issues with him.  I will never take his side over yours, ever.  I am here for you.  If you need my support with him, you got it.  If you want me to tell him to leave, I will.  You tell me what you want and need, and I will make it happen to the best of my ability.  As for Cooryn, I don’t know what his plans are for Braelyn.  He hasn’t really said what he wants.  I am sorry, but I need to tell you this before he does.  I did tell him that I love you.  I will fight for you, Bly.  I will not let him just come in here and take you and Braelyn away without a fight.”

“I love you, Thane.  I don’t know what Coor wants either.  I guess sooner or later I will find out.  As for now, let’s just go on with our lives.”  

“It sounds like a plan to me, Bly.”

Braelyn and I stayed in the hospital for another week.  Marisa went back to Michigan a few days ago.  While I was sitting on my hospital bed waiting to sign our discharged papers, Coor walked in my room.  

“Hi Bly, I came to take you and Braelyn to your house.”  

“I am not going to my house, Coor.  Thane is going to have a nurse stay with us at his house for a while.” 

“No, Bly, I am going to stay with you at your house for a while.  I will help you with Braelyn.”  

“Coor, why are you doing this?  You made it perfectly clear your whole life and a few months ago you never wanted children.  You are turning my life upside down.”  

“Please Bly, just do this for me, don’t make this come down to a legal battle.”  

“Don’t even start legal shit with me, Coor.  I need to talk to Thane.”  

Thane walks into my room.  

“Coor wants to stay with me at my house and help take care of Braelyn for a while.  I tried to talk him out of it, but he said ‘don’t make this come down to a legal battle’.”  

“You have got to be kidding me, Blythe, why would he do this to you now?”  

“I don’t know Thane, but I have to do this.  I want you to come over and see Braelyn and me whenever you can.  Okay?”  

“I don’t like this at all, Blythe, but you need to do what you have to do.  I will come and see you and Braelyn.”  

Thane had tears in his eyes.  I was crying.  I knew this was going to take a toll on us.  I knew how hurt he was.   My dad went back home, but has been calling and texting everyday.  He said he would be back to see me soon.

Well, Coor has been here with us for two weeks now.  Braelyn is getting bigger everyday.  Coor doesn’t do diapers or late nights.  Imagine that.  He wants all of the fun stuff.  Well, one evening he seemed to be getting cabin fever.  It is in the middle of summer, and he is getting stir crazy.  Thane is only coming over a few times a week for a couple of hours.  We do talk on the phone everyday though.  I can tell he is upset with me and the situation.  He won’t push though.  I am scared I might be losing him.  I have asked him several times to come over and eat dinner with me, but he says he has a meeting or something to do.  When I called his office, his secretary, Jill, said he wasn’t there.  Every time I called his cell phone he would pick up, but lately it goes to voicemail.  Finally, I got him to pick me up.  

“Hey, what are you doing, Thane?”  

“Nothing much, just sitting at the pub with some friends.”  

“I hope you are having a nice time.”  

“Yeah, I am.” 

I then hear voices in the background.  I hear a couple of men and some women’s voices.  

“Sorry to interrupt your date, Thane.  I will let you go.”  

I hurry up and hang up.  Thane calls right back.  

“Bly, I am not on a date.  I am out with friends.”  

“You know what Thane, I get it.  I hurt you.  I am trying to do what is best for Braelyn.  I don’t want Coor to try and take my little girl from me for one day.  I was hoping he would get bored.  Realize this isn't life for him.  I know he is getting restless. I know Coor.  I know him all too well.  He won’t be sticking around.  That is okay though.  I am quite capable of taking care of Braelyn.  You have fun with your friends.  I just want you to be honest with me.  How many guys and how many girls are there out with you?”  

“Bly, don’t do this.  I still care about you and Braelyn.  I just can’t get attached.  There are 3 guys and 3 girls.”  

“I told you a long time ago I would never be with Coor.  He is my best friend.  I am making him see that this isn’t the life for him.  But, I guess what you have been telling me for months doesn’t matter either.  It seems nobody keeps their word anymore.  I can’t sit and argue.  I am tired.  I am barely sleeping and eating.  I am so tired damnit.  Have fun on your date, I hope you are happy.  I hope you do find a special woman who won’t hurt you like I guess I have.  Bye.” 

I hung up and turned the ringer off.  While I am feeding Braelyn, Coor comes up to me and says he is going to go out for a little bit.   I don’t even say anything.   He leaves.  At about 2am, Braelyn is awake and wanting to be fed.  As I am rocking her, I hear Coor’s car pull up.  I hear two doors shut.  I decide to get up and look out the window.  Coor and a woman are heading back to the cottage.  They go into the cottage.  I have had enough.   I know I can’t call Maris at 2am.  So, my dad said to call him day or night.  I am going to take him up on it.  I am so tired.  I dial his number.  He answers on the second ring.  

“What is wrong, Blythe?”  

“Braelyn and I are fine, Ian.  No, I am not fine.  Coor just took a woman to the cottage, he has cabin fever.  Thane is out on a date with another woman.  What in the hell am I going to do?”  

“You are going to pack up and come and stay with me for a while and not tell them where you are going.  You tell Maris, but tell her not to say anything to either of them.  You will find out sooner or later if either one of them is truly worthy of your love.”  

“You know what Ian, you are right.  I am going to do it.  I will come first thing tomorrow morning.  It will take me about 5 hours to get there.”  

“Blythe, don’t worry about furniture, etc.  Just bring her clothes or anything she is attached to.  I will take care of the rest.” 

“Thank you, Ian.”  

“Blythe, I love you.  It is the least I can do.”

Coor was not in the main house at 7am.  I decided to leave both Thane and Coor a nice text message.  I told them both that they were Braelyn and Blythe free.  They don't need to worry about us.  They can have whatever woman they were with the night before.  I truly wish them both the best.  I made the text out to Coor & Thane.  So, they both know what each other did the night before.  I know it is childish, but I am hormonal and tired.  I just don’t give a shit at the moment.  I called and told Maris what I was doing.  She actually said my dad was a genius.  I got Braelyn in the car, and we were off to see my dad in Greenville.   

After two weeks in Greenville, Thane and Coor had left me multiple texts and voicemails.  Coor said he was sorry for going out and getting busy with a woman, but he was going stir crazy being tied down.  He wouldn’t try to get any custody rights to Braelyn.  He said he would always be there for us if we needed anything.  He loved us both.  He was sorry.  He was trying to do the right thing, and he failed.  If he couldn’t give us both his whole heart, it wasn’t fair to us.  I sent a text back telling him everything would be fine.  I loved him and didn’t want to lose my best friend.  

Thane, he has been going crazy with messages and voicemails.  He was drunk when I was talking to him the last time we spoke.  He was hurt and didn’t know what to do.  He loves Braelyn and me so much.  He was stupid to think he could just go on with his life.  I wasn’t as nice to him.  I should have been, but dammit I was hurting so deeply.  I expected Coor to do what he did but not Thane.  It seemed when the going got tough, he got going.   I told him that he gave up too easily.  He said he would never leave us.  I asked him to trust me.  I told him I would never ‘be’ with Coor.  I love him.   What happened to forever?  He tried to call and text me, but I just didn’t answer them.  

Ian was now being called ‘dad’.  He truly made things so much easier for me.  I hadn’t been feeling well for a couple of days, and he, Jasop (my brother), and his wife, Ivory, helped take care of Braelyn.  When I woke up on the third day of not feeling well and tried to get a shower that is when everything went to hell.   I woke up in a hospital room.  My dad was sitting right beside me.  I noticed he had tears in his eyes.  

“Dad, why am I here?  What is wrong with me?”  I asked in a pleading type of voice.  

“You have a mass on your uterus, Blythe.”  

“Oh, God no.”  I say through a wave of tears.  

“Where is Braelyn?” I scream.  

“She is with Jasop and Ivory.”  

“Dad, what am I going to do?”   

“First, we are going to find out if the mass is benign or malignant.  Then, we can determine what to do from there.”   

“I need to talk to Marissa.  I have to get a will made out dad.  Can you help me get that done?”  

“Please, Blythe, don’t get ahead of yourself.  But, if you want me to do that, I will call my lawyer and have him here today with papers drawn up.”  

“Yes, I need you to do this for me.”   

I called Marissa and told her what was going on.  She said she would be in Greenville in no time.  She would bring Emmison, and they could spend time with mom.  I told her to tell mom where I was.  I really wanted to see her.  Within 25 minutes, mom was standing at my door.  I introduced mom to my dad.  I explained to dad that mom was Marissa’s mom.  She helped raise me.  My dad was very nice and appreciative to mom.  I never called mom, Iris.  Her name was always, mom.  I don’t think I could call her Iris.   I asked dad to go get Braelyn for me.  He said he would just have Jasop bring her.  Mom was so excited to meet Braelyn.  She sat and held her for a good hour.  She fed and changed her.  

About two hours later, there was a knock at my door.  Dad was sitting in the chair while Braelyn and I were asleep in my bed.  As soon as I heard my dad say “Come in” I opened my eyes.  Marissa walks through the door, but right behind her is Thane.  My heart drops.  I can’t believe she told him where I was and what was going on.  She runs up to me and hugs me.  She then snatches up Braelyn.  Thane immediately takes Braelyn from Marissa and heads over to me.  

“Just go away Thane.  I don’t need or want you here.  Thank you for flying your fancy plane to Michigan and bringing Marissa to me quicker than her driving, but I don’t want to see you.”  

As I am saying this, tears are streaming down my face.  

“Bly, you can’t mean that.”  

“Yes, I mean it.  Give Braelyn to my dad or Marissa and get the hell out.”  

He handed Braelyn to Marissa.  Marissa and my dad leave the room immediately.  They both said they would be right back.  Thane sits down in the chair by my bed.  

“Thane, just leave.  Go back to Lexington and be with your mimbo you were with when you were drunk.  I bet she was just so f*ing great in the sack.  I bet she is so much better than I could ever be.  I am sorry I made you go through this hell with me.  I am sorry I told you all about my pathetic life.  I am sorry I drug you to doctor appointments.  I am sorry that Braelyn and I interrupted your life.  I will pay you back for the care you gave me.”  

“Damnit Bly, I don’t want your money.  I never slept with any other woman.  I might have been drinking at the pub, but I never slept with that woman.  I dropped her off at her house.  I never even walked her to her door.  I love you.”  He said.  

“Yeah, you promised forever.  You bailed.  When the going got tough, you left me.  I needed you, and you left.  I am used to it.  Everyone always leaves me.  My real mom, dad, granny, Coor, you and the people who never left me are Maris and mom.  I will get over this.  I have Braelyn and my family.  Dad and I are getting along.  I have a brother and sister-in-law who are wonderful as well.  Besides, don’t come here now because you think I am sick and pathetic.”  

“What do you mean you are sick?  I thought you were in here because your blood worked from the transfusion.”  

“No, I have a mass on my uterus, Thane.  I needed Marissa here so she could sign some paperwork.  I just made out a living will.  If anything happens to me, Marissa will raise Braelyn.”  

“What have they said about the mass?” Thane said.  

“I don’t know.”   

“Give me a minute, okay?”  

“Whatever, I need Marissa.”  

Marissa walked in with Braelyn.  She said she signed all the papers.  

“The lawyer was out in the lobby with her dad.”  

“Thanks Marissa.”  

“Welcome girl.”  

“I don’t want Thane there.  He didn’t want me weeks ago.  He gave up on me and Braelyn.  I just can’t do this.  I put my heart and body out there.  I am tired of the promises that always get broken.  I can’t do it Marissa, I just can’t.”  I said.  

“I can’t tell you what to do, but maybe you should really listen to him.”  

About an hour later Thane and a doctor walk into my room.  Dr. Hamilton is a specialist in Gynecology.  He wants to check me out.  After he ran three tests and did a biopsy.  The mass was malignant.  He is going to remove it in the morning.  I would then need to start chemo and possibly radiation.  It is very small, so I should make a full recovery.  I thanked Thane for flying in the specialist.  He said he loves me and that is why he did it.  He begged me for another chance.  He wants to take me back to Lexington where Dr. Hamilton’s office is.  He would hire a nurse for both Braelyn and I until after I get through all my treatments.  I knew I was going to have to do it.  I didn’t have any other alternative unless I stayed with my dad.  I didn’t want to do that.   I called and told Coor.  I told him if anything happened to me that Marissa would take care of Braelyn.  He said he would be in Lexington in a couple of weeks.  

I have had 4 months of chemo now.  I am so sick.  Coor came and saw Braelyn and me at Thane’s for a couple of days.   He finally broke down and told me that if Thane wanted to adopt Braelyn, he would let him.  I told him I would keep that possibility open.  Thane has been great with Braelyn.  He was taking care of her at night after the nurses left.  I was doing all I could.  I refused to not take care of my baby girl.  Braelyn was getting so big.  She is 6 months old now.  She is spoiled rotten indeed.  Thane and I haven’t really talked about us.  I don’t even know if I want to.  My dad, Jasop and Ivory have made trips to see me several times throughout my chemo sessions.  Marissa has come to see me too.  I had some tests run.  The cancer is gone.  I am cancer free.  Finally, my life can start to get back to normal.  

Coor came to visit a couple of days after I was told I was cancer free.  I don’t know if he was trying to do the right thing, but asked if Brae and I would like to come and live with him in Ohio even if it is temporary or permanent.  He wanted to see if we could try and be a family.  Thane then walked over to me. 

“Are you leaving and going back to Ohio with him, Blythe?  I guess your worst nightmare has finally become a reality.  You are going to have to choose between staying here in Lexington or going to Ohio and having a family with Coor.  The big question is what do you really want?  I hate that you are being asked this.  I hate you have to pick.”   

“I don’t know what I am going to do.  I just found out I am cancer free.  I have been through hell and back.  You have opened your home to Braelyn and me.  I can never repay you for all you have done for us.  Yet, both of you have made promises to me in the past and haven’t kept them.   I know everyone acted the way they did with me, because I had cancer and could die.  Cancer always brings people around to hover and do what is right.  Coor was here for some of it, but he treated me like Bly.  He never treated me differently, because I had cancer.  He did that the first time I battled cancer and now the second time I battled it.  Do you have any idea how nice it is to be treated the same?”  I said.  

“So, to me it looks like you are giving Coor a shot at being a father and possibly a husband to you and Braelyn.”  

Thane said with a painfully hurt look on his face.  

“I don’t know what I want.  Coor is my best friend.  He will always be my best friend.  I just need to figure this out on my own.  Hell, Thane, you haven’t even asked me to be more than just a friend with you.  I don’t think either of you want a relationship with me beyond a friend.  I am broken.  I had cancer.  It is all pity.  You both love Braelyn.  She is what makes you want me around.  If I was strong enough I would leave with her.   I can’t do this right now.  I need some air.”  

“Please don’t do this, Bly.  Please don’t leave like this.  I didn’t mean to upset you.  But, you will have to choose.”  

I was getting so pissed by hearing that I will have to choose.  They thought I would need one of them to raise my daughter.   By this time Thane had just upset me, and so I blurted out: 

“I have known Coor most of my life.  He has always been there for me.  I will not lose his friendship.  He helped me through things in my life that I couldn’t even begin to repay.  But, the most important thing he ever gave me was Braelyn.”  

Thane says in a soft hurtful voice: 

“I guess you made your decision then.  I am sorry, Bly.  I am sorry for anything I ever did to you.”  

I couldn’t even respond to that. I walk away and step out back onto the back patio.  Coor followed me out.  Whenever he stood beside me, I blurted out: 

“You promised that you wouldn’t do this.  You said that if Thane ever wanted to adopt Braelyn you wouldn’t stop it.  You said you would never try to take her.  Why are you doing this now?”  

I was begging for an answer.  

“You are cancer free.  Braelyn is getting older.  I just wanted you to know that you had options, Bly.”  

“You can not come here and ask me to do this Coor.  You promised best friends.  Please, just visit and go.  I will not choose.  I need to get strong for Braelyn’s sake.  I can’t run off and try to take care of her by myself while you will sooner or later get bored and want a piece of ass on the side.  Don’t you get it, we are a package deal.  If you want Braelyn, you get me.  You don’t want that.  You want to whore around.  You don’t want to settle down.  Please, please don’t do this.”  

“Okay, sorry Bly, I was just giving you a way out of here if you wanted it.  I never meant to hurt you, baby.  I love you and Braelyn.  I will stay for dinner and then leave.”  

“Thank you Coor, I really need to get stronger.”  I said.  

“Hey Bly, you do look beautiful.  It is great to see you looking so much better.  I am sorry the chemo kicked your ass like it did.”  

“Yeah, losing my hair wasn’t fun at all.  It hurt falling out this time.”  

“You beautiful bald, baby, you are my beautiful best friend, forever.”  

“You are my stubborn, pain in the ass best friend, Coor, but I love you anyways.” I said giggling.  

We joined Thane and Braelyn in the living room.  Coor went over and picked up Braelyn from the floor.  She was just talking baby talk.  It is fun to listen to them just jibber jabber like that.  

Coor was getting ready to leave after dinner.  He gave Brae a hug and kiss. I walked him out to his car.  

“I love you, Coor.  Thank you for trying to do what you thought was right.  I will never keep you from her.  You are always welcome.”  

“I know Bly, I love you too.”  

“Until next time.” 

“Until next time.”  

Coor got in his car and headed back to Ohio.

When I walked into the house, Thane was holding Braelyn.  

“Thank you for not leaving Bly.”  He said.  

“I didn’t choose Thane.  I just told Coor I wasn’t strong enough to do anything right now.  I just want to get stronger so I can take care of Braelyn all by myself.”  

I made sure to watch his face as I said this.  His eyes told me everything.  He was glad I didn’t leave, yet he was confused.  

Exactly one month after my cancer free news, I knew I needed to talk to Thane.  It was time for Braelyn and me to move back to my house and start our lives.   I decided to cook a nice dinner for us.  Braelyn was sitting in her high chair talking up a storm.  Thane came into the dining room, kissed Braelyn on the top of the head and said: 

“Hi munchkin, how is my girl?”  

She just smiled and out of the blue she said: 

“da da.”  

We both froze.  I immediately said: 

“Brae, what did you say?”  

“Mom mom. Da da.”   

I almost fell out of my chair.  Thane took Brae out of her high chair and picked her up.   He was hugging and kissing her.  Tears were streaming down his face.  I knew then what I needed to do.  I asked Thane if he would be okay with Brae for a while.  I needed to go out for some air.  He said they would be fine.  

As soon as I got outside, I called Coor.  

“Hey, beautiful, how are you and Braelyn?”  

“Coor, did you really mean it when you said a long time ago that Thane could adopt Braelyn?” I said in a very soft and unsure voice.  

“Why are you asking me this now, Bly?”  

“She called Thane ‘da da’ tonight for the first time, Coor.”  

I am now crying as I am saying every word.  

“Bly, is this what you want?”  

“Yes, Coor it is. Brae deserves the love of a father in her life.  You can see her anytime you want.  You will forever be a part of our lives.  You can be Uncle Coor just like Maris is Aunt Marissa.  Can you do this?   Will you have any regrets giving up your daughter?” I asked with a plea in my voice.  

“I want to be Uncle Coor.  I know she will be loved and taken care of.  You need stability and so doesn’t Braelyn.  If I can give that to you by doing this, I will.  I love you, Bly, haven’t you truly figured that out by now?”  

“Coor, I have always known you loved me.  I will always love you.  I thought deep in my heart that you would magically appear on your white horse and take your queen and princess to live with you in your castle.  I guess I was wrong.  You taught me so many things while I was surviving life.  I can never thank you enough for that.  I would rather have you as my best friend than ever lose you.  Thank you for doing this for Braelyn and myself.  I love you.”  

“I love you and Braelyn too.  I will sign the papers as soon as they are faxed to me.”  

“Thank you, Coor. Love you, bye.”  

“Bye, baby.”  

After I hung up, I knew no matter what that Brae was going to have a father in her life.  Even if Thane and I didn’t work out, I knew she would always have a dad to love and comfort her.  

I called my dad and Marissa on a two way conversation line to tell them what was going on.  My dad said he would contact the lawyer and have the papers faxed to me at Thane’s house ASAP.  The lawyer I used before was in Greenville.  He is the lawyer that drew up my living will.  I didn’t want one of Thane’s lawyers doing it.  I wanted to do this on my own.   I told my dad and Maris I loved them and would talk to them soon.  My dad told me he would call me as soon as he talked to the lawyer.

When I walked back inside, Thane and Brae were playing on the floor.  I got down on the floor with them and started playing too.   

“Are you okay, Blythe?” Thane asked.  

“Yeah, I am okay.  I was just thinking that since I am cancer free and stronger, Brae and I will be able to move back to my house.  I haven’t been there in so long.”  

“Oh, you don’t have to go back to your house yet.  Maybe you need to keep building your strength up.” He said in an anxious voice.  

“Thane, I have disrupted your life enough.  You took pity on me when I was sick.  You have helped take care of Brae and I all of this time.  It is time you got on with your life.  It isn’t fair to you.  You deserve so much better than what I can give you.”  

I was saying this to see where I stood with him.  I really didn’t know how to feel.  I knew deep down inside he still loved me.  I knew he loved Brae without a doubt.  

“Bly, how could you say any of that?   I never once took pity on you.  You were never a burden or anything you might be implying.  I love you, Bly.  I always have.  I guess I should have shown you over these past months.  I was just scared.”  

Before I could answer him, my phone rang.  It was my dad.  I told Thane I was going to take this call out on the back patio.  As soon as I got outside, my dad told me that the lawyer had the papers all set up.  He would fax them to Cooryn.  He needed Cooryn’s fax number.  I walked back inside and grabbed my purse.  I then walked back outside to the patio.  I gave him Cooryn’s fax number.  He was reading it off to the lawyer.  He said his lawyer lived right down the street from him.   I could hear the fax machine working now.  I told my dad that Cooryn would be expecting the papers.  Once we got the papers, we would have Thane’s lawyers do the rest.  His lawyer friend said that would be just fine.  I couldn’t thank my dad or the lawyer enough.  I told dad I would pay for the lawyer.  He just needed to let me know how much it costs.  My dad told me not to worry about it.  He said he would see me soon.  

“I love you, Blythe and that grand-daughter of mine too.”  

I was shocked when he said this.  I wasn’t sure what to say at first, but then I just went for it.  

“I love you too, dad.”  I could hear him choking up on the phone.  

“Dad, are you alright?”  

“Yes, Blythe, everything is perfect.  I just never thought I would ever hear you say those words back to me.”  

“I gotta go dad.  Talk to you soon.”  

“Talk to you soon Blythe.”  

I walked back inside.  

“Is everything okay, Blythe?”  Thane asked.  

“Yes, that was my dad.  He is going to come and visit sometime soon.  He told me he loved me and Brae.  I told him I loved him back.”  

Thane froze.  

“You told him you loved him?  I am so proud of you, Bly.  I know how hard that must have been.”  

“It was hard, but he has stepped up since Braelyn’s been born.  He saved my life.  He has done a lot for me.  You will learn how much he has done for me.”  

“Okay, but you don’t have to convince me, honey.” He said. 

I knew before those adoption papers came through I needed to find out where our relationship was headed.  So, it was time to lay it all out there.  

“Thane, can you help me pack tomorrow?”  

“If you really want to leave I will have someone pack it all up for you.  I don’t want you to go though.”  

“I love you, Thane.”  

“Oh, Bly, I love you.  I want you and Braelyn to live here with me.”  

“Thane, we have been living here.  Not once in the past few months have you let on like you wanted anything from me.  I know I was going through chemo.  You never once tried to kiss my lips.  I know you held me when I was fragile and not feeling well, but not in a romantic sense.  When I was pregnant, you were with me every step of the way.  Then, as soon as I came home, everything changed.  I guess reality set in for you.  Was it not what you expected?  Was it too much?  Was I not enough?  Braelyn being Coor’s finally turning you off from me?”  

I pause to compose myself and continue.

“I just don’t know anymore.  You love me then you are out with someone else.  I sat at home with Braelyn while the two men that were supposed to be the two men that would never abandon me did.  I didn’t care that Coor hooked up with a woman.  It was you.  It hurt that you were with another woman.  You broke my heart, Thane.  I know I probably broke yours too.  I was honest though.  I told you I would never move to Ohio.  You knew I was never going to leave Lexington.   I asked you to come over to my house over and over.  You were too busy.  I called and texted and half of them never got returned.   So, how am I supposed to feel?  It isn’t about me.  It is about Braelyn.  She is who you want, not me.  I get it.  I really do.”   

“I never did anything with that woman dammit.  I was upset and mad.  I hated that Coor was living with you.  I wanted to be the one living with you and helping with Brae.  I was jealous and let it get the best of me.  I want us to be a family.  I want you to move in here and marry me, Bly.  I want all of it.  I love you.  Is it too late for us?  Will you give us a chance?”  

Before I could answer him, his fax machine went off.  I could hear him say that he wasn’t expecting any faxes.   He said it must be something really important for something to be faxed without anyone from the office to call him.  I told him to go get the faxes.  It was fine; we had all night to talk about this.  I picked up Brae as he walked down the hall to his office.  Coor text me and said he just faxed the papers to me.  I told him they just came through.  I thanked him and told him I loved him and would talk to him soon.

I continued down the hallway with Brae on my hip.  I stood in the doorway of his office.  He had his back to me while he was reading the papers that were just faxed.  When he turned around to say something, tears were streaming down his face.  “Da da” was all we heard.  Brae said it and held out her arms to Thane.  Thane dropped the papers on the desk and came to us.  He took Brae in his arms.  He hugged me.  

“How did you do this, Bly?”  

“My dad helped me.”  

“I can’t believe Coor signed the papers.  I am so shocked and numb, Bly.”  

“Thane, the question is do you want to adopt Brae?”  

“I want to adopt her.  I love her.  I have loved her since she was in your belly, Bly.  The question I want answered now is….are you going to marry me, Bly?”  

“Yes, I will marry you Thane.  Do you know how long I have been waiting for this?”  

“You don’t have to wait any more.”  

“Braelyn Dawn Mansfield & Blythe Leigh Mansfield, doesn’t that have a wonderful ring to it?”  Maris said to me.  

“Yes it does, yes it does.”  

After the wedding, I walked out onto the balcony and looked up into the night sky.  

“Granny, I finally did it.  I got a beautiful baby girl and a wonderful husband.  I miss and love you.”

 

 

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 17.06.2012

Alle Rechte vorbehalten