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Chapter 1

Even though there was nothing playing, I still kept headphones in my ears. I wished music was playing, but my iPod had died on the flight back home. They were a good excuse to ignore people who came up to me and tried to talk, I just pretended not to see them. I knew they could see me, it was just a habit for everyone to stare at someone in a uniform. Especially someone who was walking with a noticeable limp and scars covering all over their face. I pushed my way through the crowds and finally made it outside.
“Kelby!” a voice screamed.
I pulled out my headphones and looked around for the person screaming my name.
“Kel!” I saw my twin sister Ada’s hand shoot up in the air, trying to wave me down.
I sighed, it was time to face my insane family. It didn’t feel right though, it didn’t seem real. A part of me was happy to be back home, but another part wished I was dead with the rest of them. It wasn’t fair that I was the one who lived, I didn’t deserve it.
As I got closer to my sister, I could see the smile fading from her face.
“I usually have that effect on people,” I said point blank to Ada.
“I’m sorry...I just...”
“Don’t be sorry, Ada. I’m used to it now.”
“I missed you,” she smiled and held out her arms for a hug.
Instinctively I backed away, “I can’t...”
She nodded understandingly, then smiled, “Let’s go home!”
I followed her into the parking lot and wandered around with her until we came across our car finally. My leg was beginning to hurt more than usual, so I was grateful we could sit down. I closed my eyes and sighed in relief.
“Is it bad?” Ada asked, as she started driving the forty five minutes back home.
“My leg?” I asked.
“Yeah, I guess. I don’t know...everything.”
I hesitated. Talking was one of my least favorite things to do since I was rescued. They tried everything to try and get me to talk about what happened, but it was weird. Some of the things that happened to me, I just didn’t know how to put it in words.
“Yeah,” I replied finally.
The rest of the ride home we were silent. Nothing seemed to have changed much in the past few years, at least not in scenery. I saw a few old friends from high school walking along the street, none of which I was still in contact with. It felt so weird to be going home, without Colin. I still had my family, and for that I was grateful, but I never liked spending much time with them before I was deported, and since the kidnapping, I just liked being alone. I knew my mom was worried sick, I had Skyped with her a few times while I was in the hospital, each of which she cried and begged me to come home. She hadn’t allowed my younger sister, Dakota, to see me during our video chats, because she thought it would be too scary for her to see what I looked like. I didn’t really understand her logic on that one, considering that I would be seeing them both in person, but I didn’t argue.
Finally, Ada pulled into our duplex. Collin and I had moved into one side after high school, and Ada moved into the other side a few years later. She helped me bring my bags up to the steps and then unlocked the door for me with her spare key, but I hesitated to go in.
“Do you need a minute or should I be here with you?” she asked, holding the door for me.
I trudged up the stairs and took a step inside. The smell of pine and apples hit me in the face instantly.
“I...I think I need a minute,” I whispered.
She nodded then set the bags on the floor and left. My eyes began to sting as tears welled up in them, but I blinked them back. I started wandering around the house, like it was all new to me, even though nothing had changed. Ada had been kind enough to keep it looking nice while we were gone. Finally, I made it to the bedroom. Pictures of Colin and I lined the walls. We looked so happy and in love, it had been so long since we were like that. I took them down one by one and set them in a neat pile on my bed. I grabbed a box from the closet and started putting each on in it carefully, as if breaking them would make the memories of the happiness go away, and I didn’t want that. All I wanted was to not be constantly reminded of what I went through, but I knew that wasn’t possible.
My phone rang, distracting me from the sadness that was my new life.
“Hello?” I answered.
“Kelby!” My younger sister shouted excitedly.
“Hey, Dakota.”
“What time are you coming over?” she asked.
I rubbed the back of my head and sat on the edge of my bed, “I can’t make it tonight, but I’ll try to come tomorrow.”
“Oh,” I could hear the disappointment in her voice, “You sure you can’t come tonight?”
“Yeah I’m sure...but I’ll try to be there tomorrow.”
“Okay, I miss you, Kel,” she said quietly.
I paused, “I know. I miss you too. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Love you!”
“You too,” I said half heartedly, then hung up.
I set my phone next to me. It had been so long since I had seen Dakota, or anyone for that matter. My team and I had been held captive for five months, we had no contact to anyone during that whole time, except for each other. I was deployed when she was eleven, and only got to see her six times in five years. She had turned sixteen the day I was rescued, but I wasn’t able to talk to her for another three weeks after that. I always felt bad, not being able to help my mom raise her. Ada was still there, but it just didn’t feel right.
My dad was killed in combat when Ada and I were twelve, and Dakota was only two. By that time my older brother, Blake was out of the house, and pretty much out of the picture altogether. Mom had to work two shifts at the hospital most of the time, just to afford rent. We got monthly checks from the military because of my dad, but with three kids, it just wasn’t enough.
The doorbell rang, and I slowly limped over to it, knowing that Ada was there. I unlocked it and opened it, then walked back into the kitchen and sat down at the table.
“Hey, how’s it going?” she asked, setting at least five grocery bags on the counter.
I pointed at the bags, “You know Colin isn’t here anymore, right?”
She looked at the ground, then sighed sadly, “It’s just a habit, sorry.”
“It’s okay,” I forgave her, “I’m still not used to it either...”
She started unloading things into the fridge and began making it look like someone actually lived in my house.
“You didn’t answer my question,” she said, staring at me intently, “How’s it going?”
I wanted to reply with a sarcastic joke, like I would have before everything, but I changed, “It sucks.”
She nodded in agreement, “I know Kel, I’m sorry though, I really am.”
“Thanks.”
She finished putting things away, then sat down across from me. She nervously tapped her fingers on the table to a beat that I recognized, but couldn’t figure it out exactly.
“Are you okay?” I asked curiously.
“What happened?” she blurted out.
I was a little taken back by her question, then pointed to the scars on my face, “You mean this?”
She nodded sadly. I knew that she would ask that sooner or later, but truth be told, I didn’t want to answer, or really know how. So many people had asked me that, most of the time I found a way to change the subject, but this was my sister, I couldn’t lie to her.
“Honestly?” I asked.
She nodded again.
After a minute of silence, I finally found the words that I was looking for, “They tried to get me to tell them things...things about the military, and when I wouldn’t, they...well they did this.”
“Why didn’t they....kill you like everyone else?” she asked quietly.
I had asked myself that question so many times, it had become a constant thought. The answer was still unclear to me though. There was no purpose for them to keep me, or let me go but they still did. Even though I didn’t want to admit it, I think they let me go so I would be in pain without Colin and everyone else. It was just more torture.
“I don’t know,” I said, my voice cracking.
“I’m glad they didn’t.”
“I’m not,” I mumbled, then immediately regretted it.
She wrinkled her eyebrows, “What?”
I shook my head, “Nevermind.”
“Okay...” she said skeptically, “What time do you wanna head over to Mom’s?”
“I’m not going.”
“Why not?”
“Look, I just can’t handle it right now, okay? It’s too much!”
She held her hands up in defense, “Okay, okay! Calm down!”
I was starting to get angry, but not at Ada. Everything was so fucked up, I couldn’t even be with my family.
“I’m gonna go to bed...” I said quietly, then got up and went into my bedroom.
It was only eight, but I was pretty exhausted from jet lag, and my pain pills made me drowsy. I pulled out a pair of Colin’s shorts from his dresser and one of his shirts and slipped them on. The bed was already made because of Ada, and I wished I had thanked her, but I could do it later. I slipped under the covers and shut my eyes, trying to fall asleep.
I struggled to try and slip out of the rope tying my wrists together.
“It’s not going to work,” said a man towering above me. His gun sat nicely in his pocket and a baseball bat dangled from his hand. I was worried about what was going to happen next, but I had to stay strong for my team and for my country. The tape covering my mouth was ripped off by him. It felt like a giant slap in the face, but I swallowed my pain.
“What do you want?” I croaked, my throat raw from days of screaming and going without water.
“Tell me where your base camp is.”
I glared at him as hard as I possibly could, “No fucking way asshole.”
His steel toed boot collided with my chest, knocking the wind out of me. Pain radiated through my body and again I swallowed the pain.
“Tell me,” he repeated.
“Fuck off,” I spat at him.
“Fine, have it your way,” he smiled evilly, and raised the bat in the air, then crashed it down on my leg. I heard a crunch then let out an ear shattering scream. Colin lunged at the man, but was held back by the chains on his leg.
“Are you going to tell me or should I do the other one too?” he asked, bending down to eye level.
I bit my lip so hard that I could taste blood.
“Answer me!” His voice echoed through the small room.
“Please don’t,” I begged.
“If you touch her again...” Colin warned.
“What are you going to do? You’re chained up!” The man laughed.
“Don’t fucking touch her.”
“What you mean like this?” the man grabbed my shattered leg and squeezed it as hard as he could.
I shrieked in pain and finally let the tears fall. Colin tried attacking the man again, but the chains held firm.
“Kelby,” I felt a hand on my shoulder gently shaking me.
I sat up and grabbed the hand, twisting it to the point that I could break it.
“Ow! Kel! Let go!” Ada whined.
I opened my hand and she pulled her wrist away, “Sorry...what are you doing here?”
“I heard you screaming through the walls.”
“You stayed here?” I asked, wiping some sweat off my forehead.
“No, I heard you over in my place.”
I sighed.
“Are you okay?” Ada asked, sitting on the edge of my bed.
“No.”
She moved so she was sitting in the middle of my bed staring at me, “Kel, talk to me. We used to be so close! Please?”
I struggled to find any words, “I want to tell you Ada, I do I swear, I just...I can’t...it’s just...I...I can’t.”
She reached her hand out and tried to grab mine, but I flinched away like I was in pain.
“What did they do to you?” she asked, withdrawing her hand.
I smiled internally. Ada was always one to push for the answers she wanted, it was one of the reasons she was such a great lawyer. But as hard as she would try to get answers out of me, she wouldn’t get very far. I wanted like crazy to tell her, but there were so many things that happened to me that I didn’t want anyone to know, not even my own sister.
“You don’t have to tell me, but I’d like it if you did,” Ada said sympathetically.
“Okay” I said, then grabbed a bottle of pain pills off my side table. I took out four and popped one after another in my mouth.
“That seems like a lot Kel, are you sure you aren’t taking too many?” Ada asked, taking the bottle away and reading the little strip of side effects on it.
I shrugged.
“Have you read the side effects of these?” she asked.
I nodded, “The doctor went over all of them when he prescribed them to me. I don’t care.”
“You do realize that sudden death is one of them?”
I nodded again. Death didn’t bother me as much as it used to, it had become a very repetitive thing in my life.
She sighed, “Well if you’re okay with it, enjoy.”
I took the bottle back from her and set it on my side table again. I had only been asleep for an hour and a half. The most sleep that I had gotten at one time since I was rescued was three hours.
“I’m going to stay on your couch tonight, just to make sure this doesn’t happen again,” Ada said.
“Okay. Thanks,” I said, tossing a pillow at her.
She smiled then left the room. I sighed, it was going to be a long night.

Chapter 2

"Tell me about Colin.”
I nervously twirled my engagement ring that I couldn’t bring myself to take off, “He was perfect. I honestly can’t say a bad thing about him. I loved him.”
“Loved?”
“He’s dead.”
“Does that mean that you can’t love him?”
I shrugged, “I don’t know.”
“Do you still love your father?”
“Yes.”
“So why not Colin?”
“I didn’t say that I don’t love him, I just don’t love him the way that I used to.”
“Okay.”
“Are we done yet?”
“Not quite. Tell me about your sister.”
“Which one?”
“Ada, she’s your twin, right?”
I nodded, “Yeah. I don’t know what to say. We live in the same house, but its a duplex so we don’t technically live together but she’s there if I need her.”
“That’s good. Having someone to help you out when you need it, is a good thing. Not everyone has that luxury.”
“I wouldn’t really consider it a luxury.”
“Well what would you consider it?”
I shrugged again.
“Now tell me about your other sister, Dakota, right?”
“Yeah. Um...well she’s sixteen, I don’t really know what’s going on with her, I haven’t really seen her in since I got shipped out to Iraq. She called me last night.”
“What did you two talk about?”
“She just wanted to know when I was coming home, but she sounded pretty disappointed when I told her I wasn’t.”
“Why didn’t you want to go home?”
“I was tired. It was a lot to deal with in one day.”
She nodded, “Yes it was, but you handled it well.”
“Thanks.”
“Well, I think that’s about enough for today don’t you?”
“Yeah, I guess.”
She smiled and stood up, leading me to the door, “I’ll see you tomorrow, Kelby.”
“Okay. Thanks Dr. Reid.”
“No problem dear. Bye Ada!” she waved at my sister who was sitting awkwardly on the bench outside her office.
Ada smiled and stood up, “Thank you!”
I started slowly walking to the car, knowing that Ada would take a few minutes to talk to Dr. Reid about my session. When I got outside, I leaned against the car and took a deep breath. I hated talking to Dr. Reid so much, but in a way it kind of helped me. I wanted someone to know what happened, but without me having to talk about it. She wasn’t as pushy as everyone else, and I really appreciated that about her.
“Kelby!” a voice yelled.
I turned my head and saw a slim figure rushing towards me. I tried backing away, but somehow I forgot there was a car behind me. As the person got closer, I realized it was my friend from high school, Nicole.
A smile formed across her face as she approached me, “I can’t believe you’re back!”
I nodded, “Me either.”
“I’m so sorry about Colin...” she said sadly.
“Me too.”
We stood in awkward silence for a minute, and then Ada came outside.
“Hey Nicole,” she smiled and gave her a quick hug.
Ada and Nicole had been close friends since freshman year, but the two of us were never very close. We kind of just tolerated each other until Colin came along.
“How long have you been back, Kelby?” Nicole asked turning towards me.
“Since last night.”
She half smiled, “Well I’m glad you’re back.”
I nodded and gave Ada a look, telling her that I wanted to get the hell out of there.
“Well, call me later, okay?” Ada said to Nicole, giving her another hug then unlocking the car for me.
I jumped in as quickly as possible and rested my head against the window. The last thing that I wanted was for people to see me, let alone at the therapist.
"How was it? Ada asked as she got in the car.
"Hmm?"
"Therapy. How was it?"
"Oh," I shrugged, "Fine I guess."
She nodded, "Good, as long as it helps you get back to normal."
I sighed, "I'm never going to be the same person that I was, Ada."
"I know, but I can still hope right?”
“I think it would be best if you just didn’t,” I muttered, buckling the seat belt.
“As long as you’re back, I don’t really care,” she smiled, then started driving.
The roads quickly turned to gravel and trees began to surround our car. I leaned my head back against the headrest and stared up through the sunroof, watching as light shone through the tunnel that the trees made. It was almost as if there were little spotlights on different things.
“Where are we going?” I asked nervously.
“Home,” she replied, as if it were a stupid question.
“Ada, we live in town.”
“We’re going to Mom’s today. Remember?”
“Right now?”
She slowed down and pulled the car over to the side of the road, “Why are you so scared of seeing your family?”
I shook my head, “I don’t know...”
She gently touched my hand with hers, but I pulled mine away.
Ada sighed, “I’m not going to hurt you, you know that right?”
I nodded, feeling my eyes start to sting from the tears that were forming, “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize! Kel its fine, I’m just worried about you. I want things to be back to the way we were, and before you say that we can’t, maybe we can.”
I stared out the window, avoiding eye contact, “Okay.”
After a few seconds, she started driving again. I was hoping that it would take us a long time to get back home, but it was only a few more minutes. She turned into the driveway and I felt like someone had just punched me in the stomach. I didn’t know why I was so nervous, it wasn’t like my mom and I had left on bad terms or anything.
“Ready?” Ada asked as she turned off the car.
“No.”
Before I was able to beg Ada to take me back to my real home, Dakota rounded the corner, one of the biggest smiles that I had ever seen just plastered to her face. Her light brown hair was cut much shorter than I remembered and her skin was pale, almost sickly. Her height hadn’t changed much, she was still about 5’ 2”, but she just seemed really small, fragile even.
Ada stepped out of the car and gave her a hug and kissed her gently on the top of her head.
“How are you?” Ada asked quietly.
“Fine,” Dakota smiled.
I took a deep breath and stepped out of the car too.
“Kelby...” Dakota whispered, walking up to me.
I half smiled, “Hey.”
“Oh my god...” she wrapped her arms around my stomach tightly, but I didn’t want to push her off.
Ada looked at me nervously, as if asking if I was okay. I nodded, then hugged Dakota back. It felt right, to be back. She was my family, and I missed her like crazy.
“Kelby!”
I looked up and saw my mom standing by Ada. Dakota slowly pushed herself off of me and lead me over to our mom.
“Hi,” I said nervously.
Tears exploded out of her eyes and she attacked me with a hug. I had to fight my impulse to push her off, but after a few seconds, I couldn’t hold it any longer and pushed her away by the shoulders.
“I...I’m so sor...”
She smiled softly, “Don’t be. Come inside!”
I followed all three of them into the house. On the table were mountains of food, and a little banner that said ‘Welcome Home!’ hanging on the wall next to it. In the center of the table was a small picture frame, with a picture of Colin and I, seconds after our engagement. I stared at the picture, then my mom who was just glowing with pride.
“I thought you weren’t going to put that up,” Ada said irritatedly.
“You don’t like it?” Mom asked, facing me.
“No, I mean...it’s fine,” I stuttered.
“You sure?” Ada asked.
I nodded. As happy as I was to be back home with my family, it still felt unfair that I was the only one able to make it out alive, and I couldn’t stop thinking about everyone that died. It was my fault, and nothing would ever be the same. I watched Colin die along with my best friend, and I didn’t do anything about it.
Ada nudged my side, “I know what you’re thinking. Stop it.”
“Sorry,” I whispered under my breath.
There was a few minutes of awkward silence between the four of us. I could see Mom looking me over, up and down like I was a different person. In some ways I was, but I was hoping that once I was home, people wouldn’t see me like that.
“So...” Dakota said, quietly clearing her throat.
Mom laughed sheepishly, “I’m glad you’re home Kelby.”
I was really getting tired of people saying that, but because it was my mom I just gave her one of my best fake smiles.
“Are you girls hungry? I made your favorites,” Mom said.
Ada and Dakota nodded so I played along and nodded too.
“Well what are we waiting for? Let’s eat!”
We all sat down at our usual spots at the table, leaving Dad’s seat and our brother Blake’s empty. Mom reached for Ada’s hand, Ada reached for Dakota's, and she reached for mine.
“Let’s pray,” Mom said softly, “ God, we thank you for this food. For rest and home and all things good. For wind and rain and sun above. But most of all for those we love.”
During my time in Iraq, I couldn’t help but lose all faith in God. I was born and raised into a Catholic family, but after my father died I began to question everything about God and Heaven and Hell. None of it made sense to me until I was kidnapped. It was then that I knew I was in hell, and even though it seemed like I wasn’t anymore, I still was. Images of gooey, dark red blood covering dead bodies and everything else in sight ran through my mind non stop.
“You okay, Kel?” Dakota asked as she passed around a tray full of pre-made sandwiches.
I nodded and gave her a weak smile, “Yeah.”
After a few minutes my plate was filled with food as was everyone elses. I watched my sisters as they began to plow away all their food on their plates and my mom just picking away at hers. A few minutes later mine still sat there untouched.
“Excuse me,” I said, standing up and rushing to the bathroom.
Once I got there I just stared at myself in the mirror. Despite all the nasty scars and bags under my eyes, I still seemed the same. I was still Kelby. But I wasn’t. Everyone wanted me to be, but I wasn’t. I couldn’t. I didn’t even want to be a part of my own family because I felt like such an outcast. They said they still loved me, but they would all tense up when I was around and I knew why. I wasn’t stupid, it wasn’t hard to figure out. I was weird, different, and I didn’t fit into their normal lives anymore, and honestly, I didn’t care.

Chapter 3

Yay chapter 3 is finally over! This took so long for me to write! I got really busy with school the past few weeks and I didn't have a lot of down time between that and work. But here is chapter 3! :) I hope you enjoy it! Comment vote whatever :p

 

-Naomi

“So how was your visit at your Mom’s?”

 “It wasn’t as bad as I was expecting.”

 “That’s good!”

 “Yeah."

 “You saw your sister? Dakota right?”

 “Yeah.”

“How’s she doing?”

“Good, I think. I don’t know, she looked kinda sick, but it was nice to finally see her.”

“When was the last time you two saw each other?”

“Two and a half years ago, but I was only home for like three days. I feel like I missed out on her entire childhood.”

“But you’re back now.”

 “I know.”

“Having your family around is going to help you get back to your normal self, or as close to it as you can get.”

“It isn’t my entire family.”

“Well, Colin isn’t coming back, Kelby, and neither is your father. But just because they aren’t physically there, it doesn’t mean that your family isn’t complete.”

“Blake is never around either.”

“Blake?”

“He’s my older brother.”

“How old is he?”

“I think he’s like thirty-six or something.”

“Have you talked at all since you were rescued?”

“He sent some flowers and a card. Ada tried to call him a few times but he never answered. Mom says he’s coming to town in a few weeks. 

“What does he do?”

“I have no idea. We kinda lost touch after Dad died. Something with the Army.”

“Is your whole family a part of the Army?”

“Blake and I were the only ones who went into it after dad. Ada is a lawyer and my mom just stays at home with Dakota.”

“What motivated you to join?”

“My dad. I never really wanted to do much else.”

“How did your mom react when he went into the army?”

“I don’t remember, to be honest.”

“What about when you went in?”

“She was really pissed. Ada said she kind of lost it for a while. She didn’t even talk to me until two years after I was enlisted.”

“What made her talk to you again?”

“I begged her to talk to me. It was the first time that I actually needed my mom since I got shipped over to Iraq. 

“What took you so long?”

“I don’t know, I just needed someone to talk to other than my sister and Colin."

“It’s good that you recognized that, most people don’t.”

I nodded, not knowing what else to say as Dr. Reid took notes in her little book. After a minute of silence she looked up at me, as if she was waiting for me to say something but I stayed silent.

“How did you sleep last night?”

 I sighed. The entire time I was hoping that she wouldn’t bring that up.

 “Kelby?”

“Um...same as usual.”

“How long were you asleep before the nightmare?”

“About an hour.”

“Thats shorter than usual.”

“Mhhm.”

“What was this one about?”

“Amy.”

“Will you explain it to me?”

 I scratched my head, “Amy collapsed next to me and our Sergeant told everyone to get moving while he stayed back to try and get her up but I refused to leave. Then next thing I know he’s dead too and there’s a gun pointed to my head. We wandered around looking for people for a while but they had already been captured. There were only eight of us left at that point.”

“Did you ever get back to sleep?”

I shook my head, “After I woke up I started stressing about physical therapy.”

Dr. Reid looked up at the clock above the door, “Oh crap! I forgot about that, I’ll walk you down, if that’s okay with you?”

I nodded, thankful to leave, but worried about going to my first session of physical therapy. So much therapy! Ada sat outside the door as usual, typing away on her computer. She didn’t even notice we had came out of the room until the door slammed shut.

“Jesus Christ!” she yelled as she jumped in fear.

“I have physical therapy, remember?” I asked flatly.

She looked at her watch, “That was supposed to start fifteen minutes ago, Kel.”

I nodded, pleased that the session would be shorter than intended because of Dr. Reid.

“It was my fault Ada,” Dr. Reid admitted, “I’ll walk you two down there.”

Ada gathered her things and walked alongside Dr. Reid while I followed, trying to stay at least a few yards behind them. Every once and awhile Ada would peek back at me to see if I was still there, and I would just stare at the ground until she turned back around to continue her conversation. After many twists and turns around the hospital and one very awkward elevator ride, Dr. Reid dropped us off at the physical therapy station then left with a quick goodbye.

“Hi,” said an overly cheery lady at the front desk.

I stood at the counter with Ada. Both of them were waiting for me to stay something, but I just stared at the ground, hoping that I could just leave.

Ada cleared her throat, “She’s here for her physical therapy session.”

Thank you captain fucking obvious.

“Name?” asked the lady.

Ada glared at me until I answered the lady.

“Kelby Summers,” I muttered quietly.

“I’ll go get your papers,” she smiled, then walked into the back of the little room she was in.

“Why are you so nervous?” Ada asked, turning to face me.

“Because I am.”

She sighed, clearly sick of my attitude.

“Kelby, this is going to help you,” she stated, “I mean you can barely walk.”

I nodded, “I know.”

The lady came back with a few papers in her hand, her smile even bigger than before.

“If you could fill these out and then bring them back to me, that would be great,” she said handing them over with a pen.

I nodded and walked over to the waiting area. There was a little boy sitting in one corner playing on his mother's phone while she watched nervously over him. Other than them there was only one other person. He was wearing a dark hoodie and sweatpants, much like me. He had a pair of Beats around his ears and he had his head leaned back against the wall as he quickly tapped his foot to the music. I sat as far away from everyone as I possibly could and began to fill out to forms. Ada had gotten her laptop out the second she had sat down.

“What are you working on?” I asked her.

“Hmm?”

 “What are you working on?”

"What do you mean?” she asked, not even glancing up from her computer.

I sighed, “Never mind.”

A few minutes later I was finished with the forms, but I was too scared to go up to the counter by myself. I felt like a fucking five year old. Everyone and everything they did scared me, I wasn’t sure what would happen to me. Anybody could be out to hurt me but I wouldn’t be able to tell. The old me would just laugh at my foolishness, but the new me was just terrified. There was just no other way to put it.

“Ada,” I whispered.

“Hmm?” she repeated.

“I can’t do this...”

She looked up from her computer, “What?”

My hand was shaking as I showed her the papers.

“Do you want me to give them to her?” she asked.

I nodded, then paused, “No...I mean yes. But...I want...”

She took the papers gently from my hands and walked up to the counter and started to talk quietly with the lady. She stayed there for a few minutes, most likely discussing me. She gave me a gentle smile as she sat back down next to me a few minutes later.

“I told her that you have some issues with people,” she said answering my question before I even asked it.

“Thanks,” I breathed.

She smiled then went back to work. Half an hour later the lady and her son went in for their appointment. My heart started to beat faster and faster as time kept moving, inching me closer to my appointment. Ada would take breaks from her work to make sure I wasn’t freaking out too much but I couldn’t help it.

“Kelby Summers?” a short pudgy woman called.   

I looked up at her with fear in my eyes. Ada stood up and gathered all of her things.

She stared at me, waiting for me to get up with her, “You can do this, come on,” she whispered.

As I slowly stood up, the lady motioned for us to follow her. She lead us back into an exam room with a hospital bed in an upright position and a few machines and chairs.

“If you could just have a seat, the doctor will be in here shortly,” said the nurse.

I nodded and sighed in relief when she left.

“You okay?” Ada asked, setting her things on a chair.

“Mhhm. All of this seems really excessive though,” I groaned, trying to push myself onto the bed.

“Want me to help?” she asked when she noticed me struggling.

I shook my head and just stayed standing. After a few minutes of awkward silence there was a quiet knock on the door, followed by a very tall, young man coming in. He had jet black hair that was gelled slightly at the top and a small beard. Even underneath his lab coat his muscles were still visible.

“Hi,” he smiled, “I’m Dr. James Walter, you must be Kelly?”

“Kelby,” I corrected him.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” he apologized.

“I get it a lot.”

“Well now I know better,” he smiled again, then turned to Ada, “And you are?”

She stuck out her hand for him to shake, “I’m her sister Ada.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you both. I apologize if I get you two confused," he chuckled, referring to the fact that we were twins.

 He sat down at the computer in the corner of the room and began scrolling through my medical history.

 "How has your leg been feeling today Kelby?”

 “It hurts,” I said, deciding there was no point in lying to him.

 “Can you get up onto the bed?” he asked, turning in his swivel chair to face me.

I shamefully shook my head, embarrassed that I couldn’t do such a simple task. He stood up and pulled out a little step from the bed.

 “How about now?” he asked.

I slowly got onto the step and pushed myself onto the bed, wincing in pain.

“It’s really bad,” I groaned.

He nodded, “Well lets see if we can fix that. Can you roll up your pant leg?”

I looked nervously at him, then at Ada. The only people who had seen my leg since the accident were the doctors that took care of me when I was rescued. I was ashamed of the scars that covered my leg. The two of them stared at me, waiting for something to happen but I just sat there nervously.

“I can leave if you want me to,” Ada offered.

I nodded, “I’m sorry.”

She stood up, “It’s okay Kel. I’ll just wait outside the door incase you need me, okay?”

I nodded again, “Thank you.”

She smiled at Dr. James and I, then left. As soon as I was sure that she was gone I began slowly rolling up my sweatpants. The moment I saw the first scar on my shin I could feel tears come to my eyes. It took everything that I had not to let them out.

“You can stop there if you want,” Dr. James said when I got to mid-thigh.

“Okay,” I leaned back against the bed.

I closed my eyes tightly as he began to examine my leg.

“Let me know if this is hurting you.”

“Okay.”

My eyes could barely stay open, but even when they were everything was blurry. I was tired, sore and hungry. A layer of sweat covered my body as well as lots blood, but it wasn't all mine 

A body was laying next to mine, but I couldn't tell who it was. I was pretty sure that it was Karl, one of Colin's friends. I tried to pretend that he was still alive and breathing, but even in the low light I could tell that he wasn't moving. So could Colin.

"Just try not to look at him," Colin said softly.

"I'm trying," I said, slurring my words together.

"Hey, Kel, look at me."

I slowly turned my head so I was facing him.

"You and I are going to be fine. We're going home soon. I promise, okay baby?"

"How the hell are we going to get out of here? I'm pretty sure you and I are the only ones left."'

"We will be fine. As soon as we get out of here we're going to get married and start our lives over and just forget all of this," he said sternly.

I loved that about him. He always tried to stay positive. Unfortunately, I wasn't the same. We were going to die.

The giant cement door that blocked us from our freedom opened for a brief second, light flowing in. I was still looking at Colin when the light appeared. His eyes were as blue as ever, but full of pain and fear.

 As quickly as the door opened it closed again, and a large figure appeared. I knew who it was, even though I didn’t really know him. He was the only one allowed to come into the room, usually to kill someone, or take out a body. The same bat that he used to crush my leg was dangling from his hand, as well as a gun from his other. He walked over to Karl’s body, purposely kicking my broken leg on his way there. I bit my lip so hard to keep my screams in that I felt blood begin to trickle down my chin.

“It doesn’t hurt anymore?” asked the man smugly.

 I stared at the ground, not allowing myself to look him in the eye.

“Does it?” he yelled, “Answer me!”

I shook my head no.

He kicked my leg as hard as he possibly could. This time I couldn’t keep my them in. Pain exploded from my leg into the rest of my body, making it impossible for me to move any part of my body. I felt stiff and frozen, but my body was burning. My shrill screams echoed throughout the small room. They just wouldn’t stop.

“Kelby!”

I opened my eyes and saw Ada and two other nurses holding my flailing arms and legs down to the table.

“Don’t scream, you’re okay,” a nurse in purple scrubs said softly as she let go of my arm and motioned for the other nurse and Ada to follow her actions.

The bright lights of the hospital room confused me. It all felt so real, like I really was back in Iraq with Colin. He was still alive one second, but then he wasn’t.

“You can leave now. Thanks,” whispered the nurse in purple scrubs to the other one.

 She waited for her to leave to start talking, “Are you taking anything for these anxiety attacks?” 

I shook my head no.

“This is the third one since she got home the other day,” Ada said as she sat on the edge of the hospital bed.

“Okay, well we’re going to prescribe some meds for you and...”

“I need to go,” I mumbled, sliding off the bed and rushing out of the room as fast as I could.

I turned down a long hallway and then onto another, and another until I reached two big doors. I tried continuously  to open them, but they were locked.

“Shit!” I grumbled, my voice echoing throughout the cement walls.

I leaned back against the wall and slowly slid down onto the floor. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and commenced to go through the pictures of Colin and I. The happiness that was attached to our faces was gone. Tears flooded over my eyes and onto my cheeks. The pain was so real, so agonizing, so intense. All I wanted was to hear his voice again, to just look into his eyes one last time and tell him that I loved him. My life was so empty without him there. I needed him to help me make it through and get back to who I was.

 

 

 

 

 

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Tag der Veröffentlichung: 06.01.2013

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