Chapter one Daniel


I was lying on something hard. And for a moment I wondered about that. Was I on the floor? My mind was foggy from sleep. I decided I should just go back to sleep.
I tried, but I was too uncomfortable. I shivered. I wanted to asses my situation and find out where I was. I was too tired to move though. So I just lay there, trying not to think too much.
I had almost drifted back into sleep when I felt someone shaking my shoulders.
“Wake up, young man, you must wake up!” I heard a man say through the fog in my brain.
I tried opening my eyes, but I couldn’t. I felt like I was being weighed down by a ton of bricks. I tested my body trying to move something. I found that I couldn’t. Was I paralyzed? What had happened to me? I tried not to panic. Think logically I told myself. What could be wrong with me? Had I been in an accident of some sort? Perhaps I had hit my head and was suffering temporary paralysis. Or maybe not so temporary. No. There had to be other possibilities. Perhaps I had been drugged. Yes that would explain the fog in my mind as well as why I could not move. If that was the case then I would be able to move soon since I was already conscious. I listened carefully wanting to know what was going on. The man who had been shaking me had given up. I heard his footsteps walking away. No! I thought come back! I heard a door opening and closing. Muffled voices reached me. I couldn’t make out what was being said.
I tried moving my arms. I couldn’t move them, but I could feel them now. I could feel the drug wearing off.
Or maybe that was just wistful thinking on my part. I tried to remember what I had done to end up here. Wherever “here” was. I couldn’t remember a thing. I searched my mind for information. I knew I was a lying on something. A wooden surface by the feel. I couldn’t locate any memories. I didn’t know where I was or where I had been. I knew the concept of a home, but I didn’t know where I lived. I also knew that selective memories like this were sure signs of amnesia. Yes I must be suffering from amnesia. I was distracted from my thoughts by raised voices.
“Ohmygod! Is he all right? Where is he? What happened to him? Is he hurt?” A frantic woman’s voice exclaimed. I listened for the response to this, but only heard a soothing voice trying to calm the lady down.
It was the same person who had tried to wake me. Were they talking about me? I didn’t recognize the voice of the woman who had been shouting.
A door opened and I heard the clacks of heels on wood as someone rushed to my side with a cry. “Nathan!”
“How did he get here? Is he alright?” the woman’s voice again.
“I don’t know. He was sleeping on the pew when I came in this morning. I called you right away. I thought you would be worried.” I felt someone’s hand brush my forehead. Checking my temperature?
“Has your son run from home before?” the man asked.
“No he was never the rebellious type. I don’t know what came over him.” answered the woman. My mother? I think I could move now.
I opened my eyes and blinked into the concerned face hovering over me.
“Nathan! Thank goodness! I was beginning to worry you had fallen into a coma or something!” She joked looking relived. I sat up slowly making sure that everything was in working order. I was sore all over, but fine for the most part.
I looked at the woman. Was this really my mother? I didn’t recognize her. She was a small lady with dirty blond hair and affectionate blue eyes that at the moment were full of concern for me, her son. She was dressed simply in a white t-shirt and jeans.
She had called me Nathan. That didn’t sound right to me though. What was my name then? I couldn’t remember. I had amnesia after all.
My mother watched me waiting for a response I realized. I gave her a hesitant smile trying to reassure her that I was fine. I think she saw the lack of recognition in my face though.
“Nathan? Are you all right?”
I didn’t know how to answer this. Was I all right? I was fine physically. But mentally I was not all right. I had no idea who I was.
I told her I was fine. Then as an afterthought.
“Where are we?”
“We are at the church right now. Pastor Mike found you asleep on a pew and called me to come get you” she answered studying my face carefully.
“Oh.” I could not think of anything better to say to that.
“I think your son could use a warm bath and some more sleep Ms. Simon. You should take him home.” The pastor interrupted helpfully. I looked in his direction. He was a very tall man with a head full of gray hair. I guessed he was in his early sixties.
“Yes of course! Thank you, pasture, for your help” my mom said to the man.
“It was no trouble Ms. Simon. I’m glad you found your son. And I hope you will consider coming to service next Sunday.”
“We’ll be sure to make it this time.” My mom assured him.
“Excellent. I will see you both on Sunday.” He beamed at her.
I got up and followed my mom out of the church. She led me to a green minivan pulling out a set of car keys. I looked around the parking lot. There were only two other cars in the lot. “Are you coming Nathan?” Ms. Simon asked me. I got in the car. I studied the land we passed not recognizing anything. We were in the suburbs. I didn’t know the name of the town we were in though. I looked at signs we passed, but none of them had the name of the town written on them.
And why would they? Everyone knows what town they are in. Everyone except me that is.
My mom was quiet. She kept glancing at me every few seconds as if to assure herself that I was still there. I wondered if I should tell her about my amnesia. I don’t know why I hesitated in telling her. I didn’t believe she was my mother. I knew she thought she was. But I also knew she wasn’t. It was just had a feeling. I knew it was ridiculous, but that was how I felt. I decided to keep that piece of information to myself though.
“Where are we?” I asked her. She looked at me in confusion.
“What do you mean ‘where are we?' we’re going home.”
“I mean what is the name of the town we are in.” I explained.
“Nathan are you sure you are feeling all right?”
“I think I have amnesia.” I told her.
“Amnesia?”
“When you lose your memory.”
“I know what amnesia is Nathan.” She sounded angry for some reason.
“Why are you angry?” I was at a loss as to the cause of her anger.
“Are you telling me you don’t recognize me?” she said, ignoring my question.
“Yes.” I said.
“This is not something to joke about Nathaniel.” She responded icily.
“Why would I lie?” I was starting to get annoyed with the woman.
“To get yourself out of trouble!” She exclaimed.
“What am I in trouble for?” I was really confused now.
She stopped the car. I looked around. Then I saw we were at a red light. I looked back at Ms. Simon to find her staring at me.
“You really don’t remember anything?”
“No.” I said. “What is it that I did?”
She sighed. The light turned green and she moved the car again. She kept her eyes on the road avoiding my eyes.
“You ran away.” She sounded sad as she said this. It made me feel guilty. She looked at me with tears in her eyes. “You were gone for weeks, Nathan, I was so worried I-“her voice cracked.
“I’m sorry.” I said I didn’t want her to be sad. She sniffed. “Well the important thing is that you are back and you’re safe. That’s all that matters”
I felt very awkward about this whole situation. I wasn’t used to this kind of emotion. I didn’t belong here. I looked out the window to avoid her caring gaze. We were driving through a neighborhood now. I watched the houses go by.
Trying to find one that looked even remotely familiar to me. But they were just houses. The car drove up the driveway of a light blue two story house. I wasn’t surprised to see that I didn’t recognize it either.
We got out of the car and Ms. Simon let us in the house silently. Directly in front of the door was a living room with two open walls connecting it with a dining room and a small kitchen to our right. On our left there was a set of stairs. I presumed they led to bedrooms. I walked up the stairs with Ms. Simon trailing behind me. There were four doors in the hallway on top of the stairs.
I turned to the woman. “Which one do I sleep in?” I asked her.
She looked at me in dismay. “You really don’t remember anything?”
“No, I already told you I have amnesia.” How many times did I have to tell her?
She pointed to a room. “You just need rest that’s all. It will probably come back to you when you wake up.” She sounded like she was trying to convince herself as well as me. “And if it doesn’t?” I challenged.
“Then I will take you to see Dr. Mall first thing tomorrow morning.” She answered. “Okay” I said. I walked into the room she had indicated.
The room had plain white walls with nothing on them but a bulletin board covered in ribbons and metals as well as a shelf with awards on it.
I passed a plain bed with a forest green bedspread to read the metals and ribbons.
Perfect attendance, student of the month, commended performance in reading, in science, in social studies. There was only one for math. Apparently I was a very studious kid. Then I spotted the desk. It had a laptop on it along with a lot of equipment and gaming devices. I had no idea what most of it was. I understood the concept of computers and the internet, but as far as I knew I had never used a computer before in my life. I shook my head and looked at the digital clock on the nightstand.

2:18

What would Nathan normally be doing at this time? I had no idea. I looked at the calendar on the wall. Days were crossed of with sharpie. The next day to be crossed of was November the tenth. Was that today’s date or the date I had supposedly run away? I looked down at myself. I was wearing a faded black t-shirt and cameo pants. I opened the closet and looked through the clothes.

Nathan really liked the color black. He had several black t-shirts and jeans. He also had cameo jackets and pants. In the back of the closet I found some green t-shirts and a pair of blue jeans. I pulled those out. I would change into those.
I took off my shirt and something fell to the floor. I picked it up. It was a dog tag.
In bold black letters there was something written on it.

PJ52208

Hmm… What did this mean? I flipped the tag over in my hand. There was something written on the back in a faded scrawl. I could just make it out.

Daniel

I said it out loud. “Daniel.” This was my name. I could feel it. It was just right. I was Daniel not Nathan. I was Daniel and I shouldn’t be here. I didn’t belong. But then where did I belong? And where was Nathan?


Chapter two Nathaniel


I was lying on a stiff mattress under a thin sheet. I felt horrible. My head was pounding. I felt like I had been run over by a stampede of elephants several times over. I tried to open my eyes but I couldn’t. They were too heavy. I gave up after a moment and fell back into the worm embrace of sleep…


When I woke up for the second time I sat bolt upright in bed instantly alert. I set the book down on the floor non to gently and got up. I was in a small white room. There was absolutely nothing in it besides the white bed I had been sleeping on. The walls and tile floor were white too. Everything was white. The door had a window with bars on it. The window afforded me a view of a deserted hallway. I tried the door. It was locked of course. What the hell?
What was I doing here? Was I in a prison or something?
I hadn’t done anything! I banged on the door.
“Hello! Anybody out there? Hello! I don’t know what I’m doing here!” I yelled through the window. No response. I started pacing the length of the small room.
I was trapped. Caged like an animal. Why? What was I doing here? How had I gotten here?
It was at that moment that I realized I didn’t remember anything. I racked my brain, but nothing. It was like my mind had been wiped clean of any kind of memory. Not only did I not know how I had gotten here, but I also didn’t know anything about myself. I had no past. No Identity. What was my name? I didn’t know it! I didn’t even have a name!
Geez! What the hell had happened to me? Okay don’t panic. This is all just a bad dream I told myself. Yeah, and any moment now I’m going to wake up in my bed at home. Where did I live anyway? Shit! I was really starting to freak myself out.


After pacing the room for a couple of hours and yelling though the door a few hundred times more someone finally answered. The lady that came in was a short redhead with glasses and wearing a white lab coat. She had a huge fake looking smile plastered on her face and too much makeup on. The name tag on her coat told me her name was Dr. Diana Delgado.
“Hello Nathanial I’m Diana. I need you to follow me to the lab so we can have some quick tests done before we place you.”
“What? What tests? Place me where?” My name was Nathanial?
“Don’t worry, Nathanial, Dr. Filler will explain everything after the tests.” When she said tests I got an image of myself strapped to a bed surrounded by men in white lab coats and holding sharp objects. She walked out of the room expecting me to follow, but I hesitated. She turned around.
“You have nothing to worry about Nathanial. You’re in good hands.” She gave me an encouraging smile and beckoned for me to follow her. I sighed. It seemed I had no choice if I wanted an explanation. So I built up my courage and followed Dr. Delgado out of the room.
Hoping the tests weren’t anything like I imagined.


Chapter three Daniel


“Have a good day, Nathan!” Susan Simon said cheerfully. She preferred I call her mom the way Nathan did before he disappeared, but I insisted on calling her Ms. Simon until she gave me her first name to use instead. Also I had been wondering about the Miss thing and had finally gotten the courage to ask her what had happened to Mr. Simon at breakfast this morning. It turns out that Susan isn’t actually Nathan’s mom, but is in fact his aunt. Nathan’s parents had died in a car accident when he was three. Susan had become his guardian and moved out of her apartment in New York to come here and take care of her orphaned nephew. Also Nathan’s last name wasn’t the same as Susan’s. His last name was Stephenson.
I bid Susan farewell and walked into my new school. Susan had informed me that since I had been gone for so long I would have a lot of makeup work to do. She told me that each of my teachers had prepared the work I would need to do and that I would be welcome to go to them after school if I needed any help.
This would be challenging. Like with the computers I knew what a school was, but I don’t believe I had ever been to one. Had I been homeschooled? It was annoying the way amnesia worked. You could know certain things about yourself without having any solid memories to explain how you knew them.
There were many kids hanging out around the courtyard. They chatted with one another or else had something to keep them occupied such as listening to music, doing homework, or reading. There were only a handful of kids reading I noticed. I was heading for the school, intending to go the front office and request a copy of my schedule. But before I could make it across the courtyard someone ran into me with a cry.
I looked down at the little girl hugging me in surprise. She was talking a mile a minute and I couldn’t keep up with most of what she said. Just before I was about to pry this strange little girl off me she let go and glared up at me. I realized she wasn’t a little girl after all. She was a teenager about my age probably. She was a very small teenager though. I think she was probably about five feet. She had shoulder length brown hair and brown eyes that were filled with anger and relief at the same time. She was holding in her arms three books and had a backpack slung over one shoulder.
She stared at me as I studied her and her expression changed from rage to bewilderment. I guess she hadn’t been expecting for me to just stare at her. I cleared my throat.
“Do I know you?” I asked. I could guess what her answer would be, but thought it more polite to ask. She reacted similarly to the way Susan had. Disbelief and confusion.
“What you don’t recognize me?” She asked. Wasn’t that obvious?
“I’m afraid not.” I answered.
“B-but-but it’s me! Cassie. Cassie your girlfriend! You must remember me!” She sounded so distraught I found myself automatically trying to comfort her.
“Hey it’s all right,” I said gathering her small frame in my arms. “I just hit my head or something while I was… away. I can’t remember anything, but it’ll come back I’m sure.” This wasn’t an outright lie. I couldn’t remember anything. I did think my memory would return to me eventually. I hoped so anyway. And I might have hit my head, though I didn’t think this was likely it was still a possibility.
She put her head on my shoulder and sighed. “I have missed you so much Nathan! I can’t believe you just left like that.” I could hear the tears in her voice. I patted her head in a way I hoped was comforting.
I didn’t want to tell Cassie I wasn’t her boyfriend for many reasons. The main reason being that she wouldn’t believe me. I looked like her boyfriend, Nathan, so therefore I must be him. I had already compared Susan’s pictures of Nathan with my reflection and we did look almost exactly alike. We both had the same dirty blond hair and blue eyes. We both had the same pale complexion. We both had the same slim build. There had been some differences between me and the boy in the pictures, but they were very slight differences. The kind of things that could be attributed to time such as how my hair was longer than Nathan’s. Or the way I had straight back, but the boy in the pictures was always slouched over, hunching into himself. I had only these small differences as proof that I wasn’t Nathan. Not much to go on. There is only so much you can see in a photograph.

A boy walked up to us a huge grin on his face. “Stop hogging him Cass I haven’t seen him in weeks either.” Cassie slowly let go of me and turned to the boy.
“He can’t remember anything Russel. He lost his memory.” Cassie told the boy. I studied him carefully. He was a little taller than me and had light brown hair made stylishly messy. He was holding a big case. By the looks of it he had an instrument in it. He was wearing a green and white striped sweater and blue jeans. His expression was one of surprise but only briefly before turning friendly.
“You don’t remember anything? Did you hit your head or something?” He asked me. I shrugged. “I don’t know. I just woke up and didn’t know a thing.”
He nodded as if he discussed amnesia every day. “Well don’t worry about it. We will tell you anything you need to know. Did your mom already tell you what classes you have?”
“No I was going to go to the front office and ask for a copy of my schedule.” I said.
“You don’t need to do that. Your first class is geometry with me.” He said.
A curious ringing filled the air and students immediately stampeded towards the doors. I supposed that was our cue to go to our first block. How crude. We followed the crowd into the building Russel grabbing a hold of my wrist so as not to lose me. I soon lost sight of Cassie as she dove between bodies in another direction.
I was beginning to feel claustrophobic walking through these overcrowded halls. Someone’s shoulder was always jostling mine, or my elbow was bumping into the wall, or I was tripping over someone’s feet. There were people everywhere. I don’t think I had ever seen so many people all in one place. I felt like they were closing in on me.
Then, mercifully we were in an almost deserted room. Russel let go off my wrist immediately. He went to sit at a desk in the back of the room and I followed him sitting in the one next to him. He shook his head at me and pointed to the desk on his other side. I had sat at the wrong desk. Once I was situated I looked around the room, trying not to be too obvious about it.
There were only a handful of students in the classroom. The teacher wasn’t here yet. Perhaps she or he was in the restroom.
“Mrs. Cypher usually gets here at least fifteen minutes after class is supposed to start.” Russel informed me having been watching me study the room. I raised my eyebrows.
“Is she allowed to do that?” I said. He shrugged. “No one has complained yet.”
A shadow fell over us and Russel scowled at the person behind me. I felt a heavy hand land on my shoulder and give it a rough squeeze.
“Hey geek where you been hiding? We missed you.” A loud voice says to several loud snickers. I turn around slowly. Three guys were standing over me. The one who I think had spoken was in the middle. He was wearing a football jacket and had long pale blond hair up to his shoulders with bangs almost covering his hate filled green eyes. At least they looked hate filled to me. “Well geek?” He said.
“Where have you been hiding.” I corrected.
“What?” He looked so confused and surprised by this answer I had to bite my tong to keep from laughing.
“You said ‘Hey geek where you been hiding?’ when you should have said where have you been hiding.” I answered.
“Why the hell are you correcting my grammar?” He sputtered. I shrugged.
“Well……shut up!” He said angrily. His face was turning red.
“I wasn’t saying anything.” I pointed out.
“Oh yeah well-“ He cut himself off when the teacher walked into the classroom. After giving me a resentful glare he stalked off to a desk on the other side of the room.
I walked over to the teacher’s desk and asked her for my makeup work. She gave me a folder with my assignments and told me that I needed to have them all done before the semester ended. “You’re welcome to come to my classroom after school if you need any help. I usually stay until around five.” She informed me. After thanking her and I went back to my seat, uncomfortably aware of all the eyes on me as I walked across the room. I pretended not to notice, though.
A note was thrown onto my desk as I sat down. Russel’s name was written on it in a messy hand. I glanced over at him. He was miming opening a note and raising his eyebrows at me. The note said:
were the hell did that come from?
I looked at him. He mimed writing with his pencil. So I responded.

Where did what come from?
I passed the note to him he read it and wrote a response. Then he gave it back to me.

Youve never stood up to brad like that before!

I raised my eyebrows at him. It would seem that Nathan had himself a bully.

I just corrected his grammar.

He read the note and shook his head.

Yeah what was up with that since when do u care about peoples gramer?

It had just bothered me. And reading Russel’s notes I had to resist the urge to tell him he had misspelled grammar. He made a lot of mistakes that I wanted to fix. Instead I wrote back.
I don’t know.

The teacher started the lesson so Russel put the note under his folder without reading it.
She started talking about the declaration of independence. Everything she said I already knew. I thought the purpose of school was to learn? Maybe I was academically ahead of the students here? After a while I tuned her out.
I wonder if I should try to look myself up on the internet. Maybe I could find an article about a boy named Daniel who has gone missing. Is anyone even looking for me? Am I worrying someone right now by not being where I was supposed to be? I had a feeling I wasn’t. I don’t think I have an aunt or a girlfriend or best friend to care if I just don’t show up for weeks.
Nathan was lucky to have a family. I hope he isn’t missing against his will. But maybe that would be better than him abandoning these people on purpose.


Chapter four Daniel


Cassie stared at me as I ate my pizza. It was starting to get unnerving. I pretended not to notice as I chewed my food. We ate our lunch in silence. I was looking at my food and trying to think of something appropriate to say. Finally Russel broke the awkward silence.
“So you like pepperonis now?” Russel asked. It took me a moment to realize that he was addressing me.
“Yes?” I said it like a question. I didn’t know if I liked pepperonis or not, but I didn’t see anything wrong with eating them. So I ate them. Nathan evidently hated pepperonis though. If the look on their faces was anything to go by. That was why Cassie had been staring at me. Nathan never ate pepperonis. Having realized this I removed the ones that remained on my half eaten pizza.
“You don’t have to do that. If you like pepperonis then eat them.” Russel said. I ignored him and left the pepperonis on my plate. If I was going to pretend to be Nathan I would have to learn to act like him. Cassie looked relived.
“Can I have them?” She asked me tentatively.
“Yes.” I answered.
Russel sighed. “Would you like to come to my house after school with me and Cassie? We could help you catch up with all your work.” Russel said after a moment.
“Sure.” I had already finished the work Mrs. Jackson had given me for World History. And I was almost done with the assignments Mr. Garcia had given me for Spanish. Still I needed to learn more about these two and their relationship with Nathan.
“What’s it like.” Cassie asked me suddenly.
“What’s what like?”
“Not knowing anything.” She clarified. I thought about it for a second.
“It’s hard to describe.”
“Try.” She looked so little and curios. Like a child looking to her parents for guidance. So fragile and small looking. She was adorable. I was surprised by the jealousy I felt at that moment. Nathan had a beautiful girlfriend. He really did.
“It’s like…..it’s very confusing……you know certain things, but you don’t know how you know them. You just...” That was the best I could do to describe it.
“You just what?”
“I don’t know.” I sighed.
“You sound different.” Russel said.
“Different how?” I asked.
“Your voice, your vocabulary it’s just…different than the way you used to sound.” Maybe this was because I had been schooled differently than Nathan had. It had become aparent that my intellect was slightly above that of the students at this school.
“Your right he does sound different. More…..experienced.” Cassie agreed. She frowned. “What did you do out there? Where did you go? You don’t remember anything from before you got back? When exactly did you lose your memory?” I explained to them how I had woken up in the church.
“It must have been so bizarre waking up without even knowing your own mother.” Russel commented. I shrugged. I got up and threw my tray in the nearest trash can with Cassie and Russel following on my heals.

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Tag der Veröffentlichung: 23.12.2010

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