ALL THE BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTERS
OF MARA


ASHOK AATREYA


(Unpublished)


1/THE TRYST
In a caravan of trucks, cars and motorbikes filled with supporters to the top, amid a sea of people carrying slogans and approving shouts, Anand was moving from Tihar Jail to the magnificent architectural grandiose of British Times and our nation’s supreme institution- the Rashtrapati Bhavan to be sworn in as the new solitary central minister. It was quite apparent from the slogans and overwhelming supporters that this poised khadi clad man was not that typecast popular politician or the elected elite; but a charismatic man having a different background and stature.
That was perhaps the most remarkable event in Anand’s life. A Few days back, there was news flashing across all media about him. As the country’s leading encounter specialist, senior ex police officer of Anti Terrorist Squad (A.T.S.), Anand had gunned down many terrorists. In the last fortnight, maximum coverage was given to that Maharastra-cadre police officer for many a reasons-good and bad. He was praised for picking at the terror groups and also arrested on a charge for using third degree methods for interrogation causing death of the convict following which Anand absconded from duties. He faced enquiries and trials at both departmental as well as judicial level. His lifestyle, relations with politicians and the underworld had also been under scanned
Anand had had a statutory lot of scandals attached to his profile. Surprisingly, the man who was interrogated till yesterday by the top- brass of C.B.I. team was offered a ministerial portfolio and red plate flag car that morning and was asked to administer the same department where his cases were pending. Although, there were speculations that Anand managed to get his hands off most of the cases. Probably that must have been the reason of his induction in the ministry. Of course, his gallantry awards, calculative moves, a good understanding of human weakness and of course friendly relations with public servants always kept him close to the power blocks and made him popular among his colleagues and others.
The upheavals in the last few days, dreadful interrogations, events unfolding one after the other, his underlying fantasies and tryst with life’s realities had altered that thinking altogether. The fact, that he was now invited to join the country’s most prestigious position, despite him not being an M.P. nor representing any constituency and chosen as minister in the central cabinet, all seemed like a dream.
What got him astounded was his meeting with his Guru in guise of a Jailor AN Dave in Tihar jail. His Guru prefigured all that was going to happen within three days of his remand. He foretold the events which will transform Anand’s life altogether. That was an exciting and revealing meeting.
Anand was summoned by the Jailor in his office. He went there to see him and the moment he saw Mr. Dave, Anand had felt as if the Jailor didn't belong to this world. His face emitted grace... there was an aura around him that touched Anand’s inner self!
“Good, you come…I have been waiting for you Anand”. He heard a voice from somewhere! Anand was shocked. He stood still…
“From this day on, you will be free from your past life and will enter into a better future. I am your Guru. I was your Guru. And I will always be your Guru…So I called you here. This is my abode, my hell”. Jailor smiled.
Anand had a strange feeling…Something like that had never happened to him before…he felt somewhat giddy, somewhat mesmerized and nostalgic, there was an ebb and flow of his past images before him. The Jailor had led him as his Guru. That man had unfathomable charisma. It seemed as if he was from the ethereal or spiritual world...
Guru led Anand in the office. Apparently, that was a Jailor’s office but as he entered inside, an ante-room, just behind the formal office, Anand was awestruck. The room was lit up as if it had some divine presence flowing from a prism made of crystal supposedly, the divine abode of goddess Tripura-Sunderi of Shri-Vidya of Tantra tradition…
“My son, your name in the previous birth was Sachidanand…” said his Guru. “Since you are a blessed son of the mother goddess; your name in this birth is again Anand which in its real religious and spiritual sense means the ultimate salvation. And salvation can’t be attained on the physical plane”.
“In our existenc, we come across three distinct stages. These stages are Sat, Chit and Anand. Since your past life suggests that you were a real devotee of goddess Tripura Sundari, you belonged to the Shakti cult and had taken Deeksha from me, I had given you the name Sachidanand”. But as you deviated from the religious path and started wrong doings; in your new birth, your unfulfilled desires caught you in the shackles of MAYA. But that was not your destiny. Hence, I have been asked to show you where you come from what you are and what you must do in this life henceforth. I''ll show you the path and help you to come out of the sins, from which, you have been unfortunately surrounded by in this life”.
Anand realised through his Guru that an inward journey had started then. His guru made him sit before the Shriyantra and unfolded the past, present and future events of Anand’s life. He predicted that Anand would be soon invited and inducted in the cabinet and just after the oath ceremony; he would meet his old beloved Shaheen! Anand was stunned…How did the man claiming to be his guru knowing everything? He knew every possible detail of Anand’s past and present, his flings, indulgence and fantasies, indication of failures and success in relationships.
Images of Shaheen, Bhairavi, Sonal and Divine, beside other women with whom Anand had alleged flings appeared one after the other on the crystal screen of Shriyantra… The guru told Anand that as he was going to start a new life, he must be cautious and deleberate .
The episode stirred Anand to follow his Guru’s path. He promised himself that he would be more vigilant and righteous, true to his line of spirituality, although, he had some obligations to meet in material world. However, since his Guru would then be the life force and guide, Anand was more or less relieved. Gurudev made everything seem so simple that anything happened in the name of investigations and interrogation sounded like a mere formality.
Anand was to face several inquiries to be conducted against him. After the revelation, everything seemed so easy to him.
There was a case of a casualty that had occurred during police interrogation. Anand had allegedly used third degree methods for interrogation to get information from the convict on his link up with some terrorists from Pakistan.
Anand was also charge sheeted for molesting a bargirl who had supposed links with a militant. As the girl happened to have close relations with some top brass politicians, they were trying everything to get him released. Anand refused to give into the demand of the politicians and hence he faced the charge. That was the first of that kind of a case in the Maharastra Police history when such a senior officer was accused of a heinous crime like rape. Anand’s case had some legal flaws and lack of evidence that it diluted in his favour. Eventually, the case was decided resulting in the acquittal of Anand and he got a clean chit.
A series of events unfolded one after the other and it came as a surprise that the man, whom the police and other officials were drilling till late night, was invited for induction in the cabinet to hold the State Home Minister’s portfolio.
Through Guru AN Dave, Anand had previewed everything that was destined to happen…
The beauty of that experience was such that after the seeing the future, his Guru washed away the experience Anand had just had, from his immediate memory.
He gained consciousness, and everything was normal before him…he felt as if he had woken up from a dream. Yet, he had an abstract outline of the things in his mind. Things that he had to do…sort of a handy guide to the path that he must then follow. Otherwise, Anand was like just his normal self- the amiable ATS officer Anand. Interestingly!
While leaving Tihar…he shook hands with the "Jailor" and not his ‘Guru’…
In the investigations that followed, Anand was given a clean chit from the CBI’s Investigations...And he was going to be sworn in the ministry. Thoughts flashed in Anand’s mind as he moved towards Rashtrpati Bhawan for his induction. After the oath-taking ceremony, he came out of the Central Banquet Hall. There were VIPs waiting outside the Central hall to receive him.
‘Aadab! Minister Sahib…congratulations!!! Anand’s eyes met with a Burqha clad woman. He got nervous. His face reddened as he saw her in the eyes… It was Shaheen. For once, it felt like a dejavu…
“Shaheen …it’s her!!! What is she doing here…Does she still have that mystic Monalisa like smile?,'' Questions popped up in Anand’s mind. Her presence seemed to change everything around him…he was as nervous as a young boy who just had his first kiss ever.
“ Oh God, Shaheen…Is that you?
''I… I am…how are you..?”
“I am fine, Thanks!"
Read a lot about you, in the last few days…You are making headlines everywhere. I learnt from a friend that today is your induction day in the Cabinet…” It is surprising…all this while, I wanted to see you, but couldn’t think of any appropriate reason…it looked odd. However, today, I couldn’t really resist coming here….congratulations''.
'‘Thanks… Yes, I am also surprised that you are here. The last couple of days have been exciting even for me…It seemed all messed up, those allegations and all…I thought I had lost it…but things fell in place… I don’t know how it all happened…but it did! And I am thankful to God for that. I hope you are happy ….Before Anand could say anything further, memories flashed in his mind…he however managed to clog his emotions, conscious of the crowd surrounding him. There were people all around waiting to meet and greet….in helter-skelter, he gave his card to Shaheen and moved away. In a short while, he had to meet the Press, and face all the controversies that erupted in the last few days. Anand took a leave of his supporters and dashed out to the Pressroom….
As Home Minister, that was Anand’s first address to the media. The media however, was more interested to take a dig at Anand’s personal life than his newly acquired Home Ministry. The very first question came from a close acquaintance, a senior reporter of National News- “Mr. Anand what do you feel and how would you like to react as Home Minister in the cabinet as just few hours back you were under the investigation and trial of CBI in Tihar Jail…?''
“As the Home Minister of the state, I would like say all of you that all pending cases and enquiries against ex ATS officer Anand, have been dropped and he has been given a clean chit by the investigating committee. And it's the only post the acquittal from the agencies that he was invited to join the Ministry.” I may assure you that person standing before you is all sober and blotless”. Anand said with a chuckle. The press also joined him with a good laughter.
“Minister Sahib…after your induction as Minister you met a lady in burqua and in the V.I.P chamber you did not attend to any one else…was that a personal meeting…”? A lady journalist from the Urdu daily, Jung asked.
“Ma’am I am free to meet anybody in this country…Like how you are here to see me, I am accessible to all. I also know that my freedom ends, where your nose begins…I do not think this question is too relevant.'' Anand replied, instantly.
He had not anticipated that the Daily Jung journalist would be a little ahead in her investigative journalism. She immediately posed another (next) question,
“Correct me if I am wrong sir! That lady is from Pakistan…”
“You are right ma’am…but I am sure she holds a valid passport,” he again smiled.
Before the journalist could ask something else, Anand got respine from a fellow journalist. That changed the course of the press meet, positively.
“Hope your induction in the Ministry will curb the terrorists’ activity in the country…since you have experience in...”
“I am happy I have been given a portfolio of my choice. We''ll soon come up with a plan; do our best to attack terrorism…fundamentalism and adventurism of any type.”
The Press meet was concluded. Anand’s special secretary Mr. Nair and Press Information Officer thanked the journalists and other media crews, invited them for high tea.


2/ THE BURQUA WOMAN
Anand could not sleep through the night. Something was pining him,and striving to forget his old love,- all in vain as he became the slave of his old memories. He was anxious about the coverage media would give, the morning after. Although, the electronic media was generally supportive… some reporters still wanted to create a controversy out of his meeting with the ‘burqua woman’ that did last for even three minutes.
Not only were journalists probing, PM’s Official sources were also speculating about his association with that woman. Early next morning, Anand left for the P.M. residence to give his version. On the way, he got a call on his mobile. It was Shaheen.
Anand’s meeting in the P.M.O took about an hour and since it was very urgently called by the Secretary of Home Department on the instructions of P.M. himself, it had its priority and timely need .The news papers' reports and his earlier connection with the security matters were also closely discussed. Anand had to specifically give all required explanations…He was also questioned about his meeting with the Pakistani woman…the officials were perhaps unnecessarily delving too much, Anand thought. He was also a little touchy about the issue as Shaheen was his ex love.
After the P.M.O. meeting, Anand went to his Ministry’s reception lobby, where his love was waiting again for him. The two went straight in the guest room to avoid being in public eye…just as Anand’s personal secretary had suggested.
“Anand, I don't want to cause any discomfort to you… I am here as I wanted to share my grief with you over the death of my son…our son…Ahsaas,” said Shaheen with tears in her eyes.
''I know Shaheen. And I don’t know if u knew, Ahsaas was killed by my bullet. I took his life in the encounter when I was in ATS. I am extremely sorry about that…and…
“You don't have to be sorry…unfortunately, he had become a tool in the hands of some people”… she said. Her voice was meek and sombre.
“..I can't say how it all happened, but we have strong evidences about his links with the terrorists. And I did what I felt was right”. Anand said.
“He also used to meet your daughter whenever he was India? Were you aware of that”?
“Yes I knew...they were close. But I never approved of it since I knew he was working for Pakistani Intelligence Services.
“So? Wasn’t he only serving his country just like his father”?
“May be, he was… But to me, he was my country's enemy…Unfortunately he became target of my pistol…He was killed in a very close encounter. It was a point blank distance…’’ Anand disclosed to her.
“A night before the fateful day…he had met my daughter in Connaught Place…”
“Shaheen, I am sorry for our loss. It is irreparable to me. I had warned him several times before shooting at him. I urged him to surrender but he wouldn't’t give up…he was frantically firing at my men...We tried to control him…and one point, we found ourselves facing one another, Before he could, I killed him from point blank distance.”
“I am sorry. Perhaps, I have hurt you”.
‘We both are hurt... He was our son…!
There was a long pause…For some time; there was no exchange of words between the two… A deep rooted silence grew between them…a silence that evoked countless emotions…a silence that spoke a thousand words…a silence that only they two could comprehend. Anand just wanted to embrace and shower all his love on Shaheen…He felt a gush of emotions…but managed to hold himself back. Past memories were resurfacing…how beautiful Shaheen looked then…even now she looked as beautiful…just that she seemed a little tired of something…what? He did not know! They two fixed the next day for a meeting… Shaheen was to leave for Jaipur in the coming days to attend a wedding in the family. Anand had to sit and plan for his Ministry.Attending to new responsibilities, was a tough job.
It was time for her to leave now. So, they decided to go to a promenade. Anand was still amazed by Shaheen’s sudden come-back in his life after years of separation. He still felt that longing for her. During the walk, she spoke a little about her life in Pakistan. It seemed life had not been too easy on her…Anand was quietly listening to her…a little excited, somewhat nervous. She told him about her ‘on the rocks’ married life. About how things shaped up since the day, she left India. During the conversation, Shaheen also mentioned that she wanted to move back to India.
Anand was listening to her…many questions popped up in his mind….How did all this happen? Why did she have to go? Now she has come back, like this suddenly. Such questions were haunting Anand…And he did not have immediate respite from them. He would eventually find all his answer. However, this was not the right time perhaps. For now, his new job and responsibilities demanded his attention, so he let his questions take a backseat.
Before he left, Shaheen handed over a piece of paper to Anand…that was an application for change of citizenship.
“Oh ok... I'll do my best but you have to wait’ Anand got a little closer to her… Shaheen was silent. She just nodded. Shaheen moved away, went a few steps further, then turned back to ask, “I hope you have my cell no”.
“Bye”, Anand happily gestured at her. He wanted to assure her that everything would be just fine as before.
It seemed a new chapter of his life had opened up… The changing time was casting some shadows… His shooting of his own son point blank in an encounter, then coming to power…Shaheen’s sudden appearance….these events were indicative of a big change that was to happen in Anand’s life. There was something altogether different in store for him…something, he had neither anticipated nor prepared for.
Anand knew just as much that Shaheen would not ever harm him. By the way, she could approach him just after his induction, it was apparent that Shaheen had some good diplomatic connections…For all one knew; she had some hidden agenda?
Now, in the meanwhile, whatever happened in his life till the day of his induction as Minister in the Cabinet and allotment of a special porfolio in Ministry of Home, and then a sudden appearance of his old love Shaheen ,his short but sweet meeting with her made him little disconfit and discompose.Shaheen was dearer to him than his own soul..and he was prepared to go to any extent even now, when he is a husband of Bhairvi and father of two beautiful issues by her.At the time he had to leave her and come to Bombay without knowing of any consequence, he was then in deep love with her and was not at all prepared to forget her for single moment but the wrath of society had broken up everything of his life and shattered his innocent love , disgusted at being turn to shame by her permanent departure from his life...her going away from his heart,unable to endure the fiery torture of separation any longer.Perhaps in protest, pretex or for his own helplesness he again and again thought within himself: I will return...very soon. But that all was llke a philosopher's wool or an exaltation of his mind, never a reality became.
And now again when all that was over, everythng almost buried in dejection on the slopes of the shifting sand dunes, her coming back at the time of another climax of his life perturbed him, it was perhaps an inbred moment.
3/THE FORGOTTEN DREAM
A young and pretty girl, Shaheen was Anand’s love since adolescence. The two belonged to the same city and her house was in the narrow alley of Peeraji, just a few houses away from Anand’s house. His infatuation with Shaheen started from their school days. He studied in a Government run school where as, Shaheen studied in Lady Elgin Convent. Every morning, she would cross his galli in a Tonga, covered from two sides with a black cloth. Anand would wait outside his house everyday to catch a glimpse of her. Shaheen came from a conservative Muslim family and was supposed to wear a veil in public. Anand had no idea how beautiful girl was really. He could fancy her….merely by looking into her dark, easy to read eyes. Probably that inquisitiveness to find out what beauty lies swathed in the burqua; drew Anand closer to Shaheen. He longed to see her everyday. And waited patiently everyday, for the Tonga to cross his house. Everyday, to catch a glimpse of the girl, Anand would sit outside with a manjan, to brush his teeth or would sometimes even pretend to read in the Angan. And when Shaheen arrived, he would keep looking at her in admiration. Shaheen also started to enjoy the attention. She would look forward to see that handsome boy every morning…
Soon as Shaheen’s Tonga would pass Anand’s house, he would take out his bicycle to follow it. The school was a bit far from residential area. The moment the Tonga would cross the potter’s hamlet; Shaheen would pull the curtain and take off burqua, giving Anand the much sought after opportunity to see her beautiful face. The routine continued. And infatuation between the boy and girl grew stronger. Just in case, Anand saw some relative with Shaheen, he would immediately change his direction. At times, he would have to make do with the veiled beauty ….that day he considered as a total waste. Nevertheless, he would eagerly wait for the next day…For many a days, the hide and seek game continued between the two… and they enjoyed it silently.
The Monday close to Shivratri, after crossing the Potters’ hamlet, Shaheen suddenly asked the Tongawalla to halt. She also waved at Anand asking him to stop Anand and since he was riding the bicycle; for the moment, he thought instead of stopping, he must run from the sight. His face became almost pale and he was tense… What would she just say to me? Anand wondered. Shaheen on the other hand, intended to talk to him. They had had their share of discreet silence and must then start speaking to each other. Anand was at loss of words. He stood there dumbfounded, nervous and excited. He preferred to stand a little away from her, maintaining a safer distance hence avoiding any possible complication.
Two days back, Anand had thrown a crushed piece of paper onto her direction to get Shaheen’s attention while she was on her way to school. That perhaps annoyed her, he thought for once...but Shaheen was on a different playful mood it… seemed she liked Anand’s initiative.
“You threw a paper at me…but why did u leave it blank…Couldn’t you think of anything to write”? Shaheen asked him.
“I did not know what to write, Anand whispered. The truth infact was that he was just playing safe. By throwing a blank paper at the girl, he would gauge her reaction. It would also be pretty non-committal way of expressing his fancy.
“In that case, I want to give you, your paper back! Here, take it. Shaheen handed him back the crushed paper and before Anand could react, she ran away. Anand unfolded the paper…and to his surprise, it contained a message.
“I… l o v e you…”
Shaheen had expressed her love to Anand. Anand flushed with excitement. He folded and put the paper in his pocket and speedily paddled his bicycle…Till he reached the public park. There, he opened up his letter…his first ever love note…from the beautiful girl he fancied… and read it over and over again… That moment was special to him. He felt as if he were on cloud nine, floating freely in streams of thoughts.
It was like a dream coming true. Shaheen, by being bold and fearless, had won the game. She had conveyed effortlessly, what he had been hesitating to, for a long time. She was bold and beautiful, his first love...Shaheen. Their affair took off and Anand and Shaheen continued meeting, only for a short while though. With time, their childhood infatuation, fell prey to societal pressures. The Hindu Muslim divided came in way of their love…it was no way; they could abridge this gap… Anand and Shaheen felt hapless and eventually parted ways.
Now, after so many years…they met again…Was that a design of destiny? Was their love supposed to grow and bloom again? Anand had no idea.


4/ FAMILY TREE
Anand’s life was full of upheavals, uncertainties, difficulties. As a child he lived in Bikampur. It was around the time, when Monarchy and feudal system were breathing it's last breath. Anand’s grandfather was the priest and Rajguru of the princely state of Bikampur and he used to perform a daily ritual-worship of goddess Durga in the old fort temple. The royal family had given several privileges to the Rajguru. One of which was particularly exciting for Anand, and in fact all other kids in the family-coming of Nathiya. Nathiya was royal Mahawat. Among various duties that he carried out for the royalty one was to take the elephant to attend to the Rajguru. Nathiya would often come on the elephant and offer joy ride to the children, which they thoroughly enjoyed. At many Occasions, Nathiya would bring the children to the temple for pooja performed by their Nana and after the ritual, dropped the kids back home.
Nathiya’s visit was an everyday thing. Children of the house would wait by the window of the divankhana that opened on the road. They would spot Nathiya’s elephant from a distance and get ready for their joy ride. Mahawat would stop the elephant right at the window so that even the youngest kid in the family could effortlessly hop on to the spacious brass seat, cushioned with colourful velvet bolsters.
During festivals and other special occasions, the state had granted grand Lawazma with the elephant in the honour of the family. That honour made Anand feel special, much to the jealousy of other kids in the locality. With the passage of time, things changed. Monarchy ended and with that; ended the privileges of the Rajguru’s family. Nathia’s elephant didn't visit the Haveli anymore.
Though the times had changed, nevertheless, his family still commanded respect and was known to have great integrity. Whenever people from the locality, passed by the Haveli, or met anyone from the Rajguru family anywhere, they would stop and greet them with reverence nce. And, for that reason, though Anand did no longer to have any material wealth, he always felt special...
A few years later after his mother passed away due to a chronic illness, Anand came to live with his Nani who was a school teacher. The financial condition of his nani was not so good. She managed the finances, raised the kids, and looked after their education all by her, as his Nana, who was an activist, had left the house a lot time back, to join the revolution against the British. In those days, revolutionaries were considered to be a bad influence on society and people generally considered, it wise not to associate with them. Following Nana’s absentia, Nani was thrown out of her husband’s house. She had nowhere to go after becoming rootless.
On the right side of the big walled structure of her husband’s house, there was a neem tree. For a few days, nani took shelter there. She didn’t have enough money…but she chose to stand with pride. She chose to stand bravely and did not give up. After few days of hardship, Nani was helped by her distant cousin, who got her a job of a teacher in Missionary School. Her cousin was a scholar of Sanskrit and was associated with a very big religious institution. And on his recommendation, she got the job. Though Nani was educated and deserving, she was paid a very low salary for being a revolutionary’s wife. Still that was barely enough to run the family… Nani somehow managed to build a kachha house initially and later, when she had more money, got it made as into a brick house. Nevertheless, she never looked out for help from anyone…
Anand’s Nani spent all her life in struggle and fighting against her bad time and the odds of society. She had seen hardships to the extent that sometime, she slept without meals for two days only to keep enough reserve for her kids. It was very unfortunate that she was expelled from the family along with her children when she was in her prime, youth and beautiful. Her ‘fault’ was that, her husband joined hands with the revolutionaries and was fighting for country's freedom.
Anand did not have early birth time memory of his Nana. When he was born, his Nana was in jail. But in his teens, his Nani told him about Nana’s first arrest outside the Baldau Temple. It was an early hour of the day. The pratham seva of lord Krishna "Mangala" had ended in the temple. Nani and Anand’s mother were coming out the temple when they saw his Nana waiting for them little away from the temple door near a barber’s shop. But as the two were approaching him, some 4 to 5 persons encircled his Nana. It was the police dressed in civil clothes. After the arrest they took him to the kotwali.
Months later, It was after a very long gap that his Nana again came to see them for little time, and that too without anybody’s knowledge that he was in the town. His entry in the erstwhile state was restricted and the warrant of his arrest was already made public.
His arrest was deeply registered in the mind of his mother and she always remembered him. Anyhow he managed to come out of the legal clutch and gone back to Mewar region leaving his family again in troubled waters.
Anand’s childhood was spent partly at Nana's house and partly at his father’s house. Wherever he went, he carried along the bad and good old memories. Anand’s life guiding force was the integrity of his Nani's behaviour.
Anand spent his childhood playing mostly with the street children or with the kids of low strata people of humble origin…He would spent his afternoons in streets in the dark alley of an old abandoned closed city theatre under the big Banyan tree with other children of his mohalla, most of whom attended properly by their parents for lack of money. The alley was generally crowded with gamblers, pick pockets and local goons. They would usually collect there to distribute the money earned in theft, loot or gambling. Within these goons, there were occasional fights too!! Among these goons, was Chanda the wife of oil mill worker, very shrewd lady, she was the gang’s ring leader. A stout, green-eyed, brown shorted haired beauty, Chanda always wore a shirt like a jacket over her sari. In case, her guys got caught, she settled matters with local police constables. She suffered from Polio and had two complicated operations because of which she had difficulty in her movements.
Chanda had great respect for Nani. She always bowed before the house whenever she passed it…even when there was nobody in the house. She would enquire about Anand whenever she met Nani and wished him a bright future…
Perhaps of everyone in the locality, only Chanda regarded Nana for his rebellious life and had high words of praise for him. Whenever Nani met Chanda, she gently urged her to give up her ‘agent’s’ role. Chanda would only smile and say, “Ai pulisia mhanain o dhandho chhodan koni devai ‘(Police don’t allow me to leave my job).
Another’s of Chanda’s speciality in that locality was that, she loved to play the role of Dooti…messenger of lovers. She would offer magical herbs to those who sought help. Chanda had some authentic knowledge of erotic herbs which were very effective and lucky for lovers. Chanda maintained a ‘character-voucher book’ of the people in her locality. She would keep an eye on people and knew all about the ongoing affairs. Anand learnt about that quite late.
Anand and Chanda had a strange association. Both of them would get out of their beds, would go to various thadis and pan shops to collect left over dibbees soda water and caps. It was a routine they followed religiously. After sunrise, they had little chance of getting the caps as sweepers would clean the pavements and roads and take away everything including the lids of soft drinks. Anand would return home only around lunch. Then, Nani would cook food in her mud stove using dried dung cakes and dried twigs. She would sometimes prepare the cow dung cakes herself and often got these from the nearby milk suppliers. The ladies and children of these milk suppliers collected cow dung from the open courtyard surrounding their clusters and made the cakes by hand mixing little dry fodder and after soaking and baking them properly under the sun, stored the old dung cakes for sale. Even the side walls of their mud clusters, roof tops and walls of abandoned old buildings, broken parts of the city fort and the entire ground of their huts exhibited beautifully new made cakes. That display was no less than any cottage industry producing alternative energy in those times. The regular fuel for the houses was also supplied by Ladawala’s the camel-owners who would carry fuel from nearby forest area…In those days wrought-iron Borsee was also in use. It was a sort of stove which was mostly used for heating water…also for cooking as it would produce less smoke. To make fire, saw dust was used. It was a specially designed stove, assembling different parts as outer orbit, Bhonga, a hollow iron pipe opening from both sides, would very perfectly keep intact and also separate the burning areas not allowing the dust to fall. Mostly Anand’s uncle would set it for use as it involved little mechanics also and patience. To Anand all this was a fun filled art activity. He would watch and appreciate each step of the preparation which normally took ten to fifteen minutes.
Overall, the area where Anand lived as a child and an adolescent became almost a melting pot for lower and middle class people who lived and met their day to day demands of life. Every morning in the locality, there would be a haat, where vendors would sit on the open pavements along with the road and sold their goods. Among the vendors were a bhajiwali, a cycle repairman and a cobbler…The cycle repairman and the lady used to come little early in the morning and after proper cleaning and sprinkling of water on their allotted space would set up their small shops. The lady shopkeeper Shanti was very social and humane in her dealings. She could well gauge the financial condition of her customers and accordingly would set her margins. As most of her customer took vegetables on credit, Shanti kept a diary for noting the credits and took help of Anand’s Nani who wrote her diary with pencil attached to it by a small piece of red tag. The cycle keeper Tulsiram had a small lime stone platform near the house. Every morning, he would come there, clean up the area, then put an old white sheet over a thin bed for his sitting and also put a canopy for shade.
Anand spent his childhood in the tender care and love of such people. His maternal uncle was more like a friend to him. He got Anand an old bicycle rim which he used as his sports equipment. Anand would put a small bamboo sick in the groove of rim and drive it fast taking two- three rounds in street and huge mud Chowk to the envy of other boys who only had old cycle tyres to play with. Little later, Anand learnt to ride a bicycle, hiring the small size yellow coloured bicycle from the same shop and for that he was charged one Anna per day. He was the first to learn riding among his friends. That was his childhood privilege and he always remained proud of that.
His Nani had a different approach to things…Though, she never objected his mixing with boys and girls of the locality, she rather encouraged him to play with everyone but whenever he came home, she asked him some questions to make sure Anand was not doing anything wrong. She would make him wash his feet, hands and mouth, say a prayer, then have his meal and only after that he was allowed to go for sleep. During afternoon, he was forced to stay in home because of scorching heat. Anand’s uncle would then fan him and gently put him to sleep.
Summers were really hot here. Temperature would rise up to 45 degree Celsius and the heat would be unbearable otherwise. However, as a feudal lord, Anand’s grandfather led a comfortable life. In the old days, the fan bearers toiled hard throughout ‘their lords’ sleep time’ to keep room temperature low. Back then, electricity was a privilege of rich and royals only. Even domestic water connections came in very late. People by and large, depended on public taps and wells. As for the accommodation, there was only one Barsali, an inner room, which would have no doors, but owing it to its typical architectural design and thick mud walls with roof supported by dried twigs, it would remain cool. It had only one closed window covered from the top by four bamboos for storing winter clothes, blankets and just opposite, a small old fashioned light blue Almirah of soaked wood to keep important papers, medicines and kerosene oil lamp, inkpot and pen, etc was part of the room…the back hardboard of that developed cracks and holes from rats often peeked in the room. The ugly lizards were permanent settlers as they felt at home in this house…
Besides, there was another room on the terrace. It was covered by tin shade and belonged to Anand’s uncle. It was mostly used as a store room to keep extra beds, quilts, pillows and durries, iron box etc. Anand made this room his study. Here, Anand laid his hands on some useful stuff- scattered papers of Vatsayan Kamsutra, kokkoka’s Kokshaatra and Bhartrihari’s Shringar Satak lying wrapped in an old cloth. That was the property of his maternal uncle and was kept secret on an aala. Anand would read the famous classical books on sex and after that put them back in its original position…He remembered to have read these books throughout the year…but then one afternoon he found them missing. The reason might have been his own carelessness as when he was pulling the books out, the inkpot kept behind them fell down and ink and pieces of glass scattered on the open floor creating cracking sound. On hearing that, his uncle came up … He saw Anand and understood the whole story. Though he did not say anything to Anand but after this incident Anand found his ‘treasure’ missing. Though he was benefited by these books on sex, he developed lot of fantasies in his mind about sex and women and he was eager to experience it. But in those times, one could barely get access to such books or any kind of sexual exposure. He never enquired about these books after these were lost into oblivion but always felt the vacuum created in his mind...This area, which housed his lost treasure was part of kitchen cum bathroom and was under the teen-shade which remained hot all through the noon… this entire living space gave shelter to six members and any one else who so ever came as guest also. For the daily toilet they all used a distant outpost at a nominal rent…and although, there wasn’t any regular sweeper appointed and that he would come occasionally, the place was cleaned twice a day by the pigs or street dogs who would come to lick and clean without fail case the half broken back door remained open.
There was a small cement reservoir just at the turning point of the toilet which had no door. but the water filled pot of tin put by the user of the toilet was the indicator of his presence inside toilet Anand also heard an interesting story of his one uncle who would make regular sound of cat when ever he used the toilet to alarm rats who would make the toilet a passage for reaching their holes in the backyard street…the tap had the additional little long wooden accessory attached to tap which was only touched at the time of washing hands. The brass part of the tap was tightened with the wooden stick by wrought iron wire and that would never come in contact with washing hands…. To clean hands, people used clay and no soap. That’s how life was for Anand…In spite of all this he enjoyed his days.
Anand would talk to his friends about girls and women. To fell close to film actresses quench their thirst and to have ‘sexperience,’ cinema was another medium. Anand and his friends would go to the cinema halls almost every day and spend time watching the publicity posters and pictures of movie actors and actresses in the outside hall or at the gates of the Cinema Talkies. His visits to nearby two theatres was almost regular…at least whenever there was a change of a picture in the city he would reach to see the display posters and related film material which would give him the most intimate information about the life of known and unknown actors of his times…Dilip Kumar and Shakeela, Geeta Bali and Devanand, Nargis and RajKapoor, their stories and romance stayed permanently in his mind, he had also collected lot of songs of their famous films. Anand had collected some discarded old reels of films from behind the theatre of which he and his friends would put a show with the help of pin-hole camera….In the movie, Dilip Kumar and Shakeela in their teens shared a romantic scene on the heap of grass…one weed in her half opened mouth and the hero’s eyes looking deeply into her eyes. A rare film of Alam Ara showing Delhi Kutub Minar, Chittor’s Victory Tower, many temples big houses and hills along with river-belt if framed in one and the same frame… a drop of tear sliding on the lower eye-brows of Nergis..’ That was the glamour-era of his life, which he shared with the characters of silver screen…His time of cinema travelled a long distance initially from the day when women of respectable families stayed away from the cinema and even the female characters were played by men. He shared the movie plots with friends after getting reviews from cinema enthusiasts, the ‘first-day first show’ goers. Anand befriended some local goons of the city and it was from them he got all the information about the films, at time if he got lucky, he would even get


5/LOVE BIRDS
During the festival of swings when monsoon clouds moved swiftly, he enjoyed the hennaed palms of his younger partners by clutching the strings of swing with them in his father's house. His sailing through the air when the land intoxicated by its natural scented smell, among fun, frolic and laughter, was his special gift of the season of Shiv- Parvati festival of Teej... He for the first time in his adolescent life enjoyed the pressures of well-developed bosoms of ladies and young girls of his colony and that feeling lived in his mind as permanent memory...
He still remembered the name of many girls and women. Among them Munni was a great trainer who gave him many chance to swing with her across legs, she gave him many exciting jerks and took her very high in the sky by putting full pressure of his body on the wooden paddle of the string. Wearing rounded skirt with many plates, she also used typical pressures of her waistline and private part of her bottom to create special sensation in his body. The string season came in his life every year and during the month of August-September when he was almost free from the burden of studies. The entire earth in rainy season would wear a green carpet during that Hindu month of shravana. He would wait for this time for whole of the year and took initiative and lead in putting string on Neem tree which was just behind his Haveli. To that portion the back small size ‘chor-derwaja would open.That entire area was almost in the ruined state and except huge Menhadi- Henna shrubs and old thrown away kabad, nothing was visible, as most of that part remained in semi-darkness and always bad moistured odour reigned the area.Old broken wooden stools and tables,rotten teather bags filled with rags, magazines, photo-frames and other innumerable articles were scattered here and there.It was also a store house of cakes of cow dung used as fuel when scorpions appeared anywhere.
When Anand met Munni there for first time, she was coming out from that back door after meeting his Aunt and was wearing a vibrant traditional costume of Ghaghara and Lugari (upper mini blouse exposing her shining whitish rounded portion of hip and shank. It was exciting to witness this game that very day from under the tree when she had taken high swings in air alone in good mood... and that too without short breeches. That was really a rare sight which kept him in day dreams and fantasies... He thought of such actions of Munni while going to bed that night, which developed typical stimuli in him.
Rather, Anand took many such tracks and he became adolescent in another few years and then different excitement started in his life. He was crossing his middle school days on one hand he started keeping physical distance with girls of his own age group, but on the other side his mental closeness and need increased...
His first infatuation started with a burqua girl, shaheen who was the daughter of inspector of schools and lived in the closely area of Piraji.. During her old grand father's time Shaheen used to enjoy two horse couch driven by a strong Muslim pathan, who used a long whip for removing the street boys and girls who jumped on the running carriage and wanted to enjoy the back lower pedestal seat for smaller distance till they were whipped lightly…sometimes mere sound of whip falling on the black canvas cover was enough to keep children away from the horse cart. The cart was normally used for Shaheen’s grand father to take him to old kutchehary (Office) and in the return Shaheen also took a joy ride as a loving child of her parents... later when she entered the school, she used to go by Tanga (Single horse-couch) Anand would go to his school on his foot with group of his friends, but when he entered his secondary school, one new bicycle was given to him for use.
Anand’s father developed the habit of gambling few days after mother’s death in family, His father was also facing court cases. In them her Aunt played a negative role. She was involved in some-scandal by, selling of her parents property to one Vaishnav Guru, with whom she had developed physical relations, although she was married she, created problems and was mainly responsible for the fall of father’s family and overall reputation of the family.
In those days Anand lived in his Nani’s one room house which was erected adjoining the big haveli of his grand Nana on a open space having a small three walled triangular boundary made of lime stone.His one maternal uncle and mother were also living in that ‘shelter- home’.On the left side of his house another lime-stone platform was raised which was covered by a teen-shed and on its right, one big Banyan tree was standing as a strong protector. The stem of the tree with a broad circumference and firm adventitious roots formed the beauty of the religious tree having significance for occasional worship by both men and women of the nearby dwellings. A more small size rounded platform known as the Chabootara was also developed by one well-off person and a good railing of wrought-iron was put for protecting this age-old tree from street-dogs and other social miscreants. Some two centaury old small rounded stone structure known as ‘Hardol’was also there. According to hearsay this mysterious demi-god came through the sky and established there by its own will, inviting his people to settle around that land which was considered pure. Directly linking the upper-strata Brahmin community of that area, migrated from distant township of south, and was also a place of occasional worship by people of this community only. The most of the people living in the area initially belonged to religious Tantra cult and by their spiritual virtues and occult powers got the favors of the King of this old state of Bikampur.
However, the story linked with this structure, odd stone only, was quite interesting as it was related to some false charge framed on the newly wedded wife and her ‘Devar’(Husband’s brother) of their ancestral family. A sort of confusion of ‘their’ illegitimate relations prevailed in their family for a longer time that ended in sacrificing life by the boy, just to prove that the charges were baseless. Actually he possessed a very strong moral character…and the stone was being worshipped in the memory of that boy in question!
In the old times all newly wed- couples visited this pious place and took a blessing before that small-stone for their happy married life. It also became a pilgrims place for the new and old generations of the members of this community who lived in another cities and seldom visited this place…even at times when new child birth would take place in their homes.
On many other occasions the Banyan tree was also worshiped and Anand’s Nani’s home-corner almost became a centre of festivities and celebrations all through the year…Slowly and steadily lot of shops developed in the nearby street surrounding one more attractive point of that area…and that was the old and abandoned haveli…now being occupied by four to five nautch girls of infamous background. There seated a one-eyed Mochee- cobbler known as Kaaniya just opposite the house of these whores. A well formed T-junction of Tangas and hubbub of foot-path vendors also established a new kingdom there…Over-all the place became crowded in those recent years. Anand used to bring pornographic magazines and books from small footpath vendors on one Anna per day rent for his past time and kept them under his pillow or bed or between the old newspapers so as to safeguard his image in the eyes of his elders. His Nani or cousin would come to clean his small room and he was always cautious that his ‘literature’ is kept hidden.
And in those adolescent years of his formatting, Anand learnt lot of things of life. He was subjected to varied colourful experiences…His childhood blank slate became very soon the diary of a mature adolescent boy with many secret ideas and stories…A future sex manual for lot many boys and girls of his future generation.

6/HIS ADOLESCENT YEARS
During his adolescent days he developed new interest of listening to Uda’s gossips, which would come very early in the morning to his haveli and both of them left for long walks towards city park end. Uda always called him from the road side setting on a public-tap and from early to late noon ladies and gents from all caste and communities would come there to collect water in their pitcher. Many times over few drops of water they would fight among themselves …even with closest neighbours and relatives. In those summer days Uda told him interesting stories connected with rich and poor folk of the city. In those stories mostly the subject sex the center of his interest.
After the call of Uda, he would take no time in coming from the top of his house where he would be busy at roof-watching the ladies in the nearby roots bathing in open sky or starring girls pretending to study his books. That was his regular sport which he enjoyed and devoted his major morning-noon and evening time. Mostly his noon time passed behind the vast gate of an old temple where cool breeze crossed and an old lady served free and ice cold water for public. On a large size wooden board known as Pata in the local dialect ten to twelve persons enjoyed sitting and relaxing to beat the head of the desert town. Some time youngsters would bring with them caroms or chess for play.
Whenever Uda called him from the street below, he would come fast almost running on the broken stairs, risking of falling any time since the stairs required repairs and those were also of small size. There were two different staircases not at equi distance reaching the lower part of roof, leading to the roof top where mostly he would watch fascinating young ladies married or unmarried prospective girls of his age group.
The stairs used by him had a small broken half finished side wall through which many times he would watch the newly wed couple of a business family sitting in the balcony of their bed-room exchanging interrupted kisses.He seemed to have developed voyeur tendencies in his adolescent days. By the time he reached on the road he would hear irritating voices of the cough of a young but beautiful lady who became widow just after two years of her marriage. Her name was Sarita. Anand’s earlier eye to eye contact with her was through his study window. He would see the sleeping semi- nude beauty of Sarita, before she was married to broker of grains, named Bajrang.She was the daughter of a grain merchant living just opposite his grand- father's old Haveli where he spent most of his childhood and adolescent years. The heavy strong entrance was beautifully carved with designed panels of iron and brass sheets and nails and was connecting the main street throwing big size stairs of red stone. The last ladder was wide which was used by Grocers, Milkmaids. Poraitni- the charming young sexi-girls bringing white maite-limestone for hand washing .These particular girls would expose their bosoms since they used the low-cut multicoloured mirrored Polka…and that was the main attractive moment for him…he always took initiative for completing the deal with them by giving them one or two Anna’s and would try to delay the payment sitting before them and talking irrelevant things regarding the quality of their material for which she asked for high price. Those talks were entertaining and the girls also enjoyed his penetrating eye’s falling, hitting and sliding over their out bursting parts .Sometime the deal would cause abnormal delays and his Aunt called him from the interior part of Haveli as she became his care-taker after his mother’s death.

Anand was passing through such a time, that-all girls and women were attractive to him, looking beautiful or sexy, were part of his day-dreaming. He pursued, the green ‘brigade’ of school going girls in scorching noon, crossing over small streets and mohalla even many times running to see any particular girl or group of his liking as his short cuts. After performing this duty following elderly girls going to college by bus or by cycles, rikshas were his point of notice… when ever he caught sight of such girls he used to think about making relation with them…he followed them to long distances. Anand enjoyed visiting Nautanki-local theatre at late night …. colony film shows, puppets groups and keenly observed the raised, curved and partially nude parts of young girls and housewives. He left no opportunity of starring at the private parts of village or low level community girls, women taking bath at some public -taps…which normally remained open-air. He enjoyed as a coach of cycling girls and house wives and tried to catch hold of the erotic parts of bodies by his hands which they also enjoyed … In marriage ceremonies, birthday parties, hotel and restaurants… In swimming pools and circus, religious places and other sports of girls activities he always took maximum interest in his youthful days …. His activities remained hidden…sex oriented. When Anand entered his final school and college, he took the best possible benefits from such gathering and opportunities…

7/ALIENATION
The end of British rule developed a frightening new strangeness in the changing society. There was a fast and huge transformation of power affecting the lives of all. Anand’s Nana had passed away. Not having been able to bear the loss of her husband, Nani had also taken to illness. On the other hand, Anand’s father- Vishwa had suffered heavy financial losses in business. He was over burdened by old and new debts. He decided to come back to Bikampur from Culacutta. Also because other than Nani, there wasn’t really anyone to look after Anand, so he decided to start life afresh staying in his ancestral Haveli.
When Vishwa reached Bikampur, he found his sister Manorama, waiting for him. She was also in troubled waters searching for some shelter. Vishwa invited the trouble himself and Manorama came with her bag and baggage, two children and her husband to live in Haveli, the third time. This was a privilege she had; rather she considered it to be her right. When Anand’s mother was alive, Manorama would come and stay with them for almost for more than half of the year.
Strangely the character of his sister remained evergreen .Perhaps she was a real follower of Charvak, who believed in materialistic pleasures and professed the philosophy of ‘YAVAT JEEVATE SUKHAM JEEVATE, RINAM KRITVA GHRITAM PEEVAT.’Enjoy the life even if you live a parasitic mode of life.
Afflicted Mars, affecting her seventh house, must have occupied her twelfth house of horoscope. She had the Eagle’s eye and mind of a Jackal. No doubt, her body was attractive too. A woman with a heart and soul, the Aunt would never want herself to hole up here and there and let her body and soul wither. It was never her history. She always believed in dreaming un-natural and designing wicked. Certainly, Anand’s father was plagued with his downfall and unhappy time and that time her only sister exploited him sentimentally and forced him to feed her, her husband and children as a responsible brother. Vishwa kept everything open for her and her children and never discouraged her to enjoy liberty and for her extravaganza, On the other hand she never bothered to figure out whether her brother had enough money to support her. She even exploited Anand, her own nephew, and used him to gratify her sexual needs.
Anand was a shy boy in his adolescence but always liked the company of girls and in his childhood whenever they played any game, he took side and support of girls... He took bath with her aunt and both of them enjoyed the game of water she often called this game water Polo. In that game both of them opened their clothes under the shower and in a big tub rubbed each other. His aunt often became a horse in imagination and allowed him to take a ride on her as a polo player... In the same game, she would tell him to take balls from her nude body and keeping them in ‘secret treasures’ that meant playing with her bosoms by his hands and then putting his small fingers to her private part. Those fantasies Anand enjoyed in his childhood and never knew the meaning of this type of Water Polo but later understood that his aunt sought satisfaction out of this game and liberated her sexual urge, getting him to masturbate her. He didn’t realise how and when these games came to a finish!
Aunt Manorama lived with them for weeks together and enjoyed the company of even their neighbour’s playing cards, Ludo, Business, Snake and Ladder with them. Her children encroached Anand’s childhood by misusing his toys, bicycle and even his clothes… he never appreciated that. However, when Anand’s mother lived, she too sought pleasure in helping them out and out by clothes and money. Whenever his aunt came with his husband and children very special care was taken and importance of his aunt was felt by all of them… more the care, their demands became many folded. The only thing which Anand did not like of his aunt after her mother’s death was excess show of love for him… she left no chance to keep him close to her...and by that show she wanted to prove that because he is motherless she loved him more than her own children. This sort of favour he did not like. She was also in the habit of using his mother’s clothes. After his father brought a Radio set from Calcutta, one pole connection reached their house, she spent most of his time in listening of filmy songs, ‘Binaca Geetmala’ through Radio Ceylon. Perhaps Manorama had a notion that she looked like Madhubala, who was then the most beautiful lady of the silver screen.
Paradoxically her husband was a man of many complexes. He was a chain smoker and would smoke his Bidis till their fag-ends. He normally remained out of home and whenever he came to their house, he would fight with Manorama, and left the house in protest. His exile would last a day or two and then he came back. In earlier days His father Vishwa liked his uncle’s company. He was a born gossip master and kept everyone laughing when in good mood.
It came as a sudden outburst when one fine morning , Vishwa felt too frustrated with Manorama’s undue interference and told her frankly that he could not support her any longer given to his own financially condition.
To his surprise his sister argued, “How long you will sit without money doing nothing? She asked him about her property rights also although she had lost one case. ‘Mano you have no right to talk to me that. All this while, I have been looking after you and your children, I am not bound to do so. Yet, after loosing the case, you went to the court again,’ Vishwa sounded furious. He clearly didn’t want to bear Mannorama’s burden. He never approved of her ways; moreover the fact that she took their family matter to court and was responsible for demeaning their family’s reputation annoyed him even more.


‘I am the same Manorama…what did I lose? And you want to know about your family reputation…don’t live under an illusions. All said and done our fore fathers were nothing but mere beggars who sought thriving on others. You want to live in a fallacy? But I am a woman. I can face the truth. And I may not have kept Anand in my womb for nine months but I cannot see him in trouble. That is why I came to live with you.’ She made an aggressively funny remark.
‘Anand in trouble! He thought. What she wanted from him now, he was perplexed.
“You can’t hide anything from me”, she said. For last one week, you and Anand are not eating with us knowingly and going to your in-laws place avoiding us .That way you insulted my family and me. I cannot tolerate all this.
‘And to my suggestions, to anything I say, you give deaf ear. I am again telling you …sell this haveli…you wont take it with you. I have a buyer who is ready to give you good money…’ ‘Give me my share. Think about it…I can negotiate to get us a good deal’… It seemed she wanted to take advantage of her brother’s poor financial condition and make money out of it.
Anand’s father was silent. Manorama left him.
Just after that, Anand entered the room.
‘From where are you coming, Have you had something to eat? His father asked him.
‘I dodn’t know where to have lunch. Nani is not well .She has not cooked. I went to Aunt Uma (Manorama’s son and daughter) but she refused to give me anything to eat. Anand started complaining.
‘Why did you go there at all? If you go again I will break your legs. Vishwa was angry with Anand for no fault of his. Anand left home without any meal or assurance of his next meal.

…… ……… ………

This episode made Vishwa very serious and concerned. He was hopeless to support even his lonely child. Every valuable or invaluable thing was sold…But still he had one thing in mind…he was in confusion and spent sleepless nights with that idea… two days back he had sold his most valuable ‘Ganesh ji’ to one unknown antique dealer for mere hundred rupees. The dealer showed his reluctance first in buying but when one prostitute sitting in the shop shown her interest in buying that beautiful dancing Ganesh statue made of eight metals, shopkeeper gave him money. He touched Ganesh on her fore- head and immediately kept it in showcase. The God looked grand in reflected light.
Vishwa brought floor. Sugar, tea and kerosene oil for his in-laws home that evening from market and came back without meals. The condition of Anand’s Nani was still not well.
On his way to home two odd things happened one after the other. His cycle tyres were punctured. Tulsiram Pancharwala was two steps away. He thought how many punctures it could be? May be more than two, for that he had no money. He tried to avoid Tulsiram but in that effort his cycle slipped from his hand and he broke the straps of his Chappal…Cycle in right hand and chappal in left with difficult grip of handle, Vishwa reached his haveli. His both pockets were empty.
He kept himself on tea whole day. At noontime, it was very hot. It was Saturday and he found ‘Shani Mahara Just before him when he opened the door and slid out of room. Shani Maharaj used to come every Saturday in his own mannerism and collected oil or metal coins from his patrons. His mere coming and standing was enough as he had a framed colourful litho-print of ‘demi god shani’ covering the oil pot as lid and that ‘posture’ was complete in itself for motivating his ‘client’ to put money into his bowl. Vishwa had no coin for him. Even If he has to search his entire house, he was sure he would not find a single coin that day. He closed his doorin clumsy way, disgusted and sad.
But now he had a plan…he thought about that again and again…This night he will do it…Nothing bad about it…after all it’s ‘their’ own temple…now deserted…nobody goes for worship there…at least for last fifty years nobody attended the temple …He was the witness…that statue of Blackstone (Kasouti) will fetch him good money. The four feet statue of goddess Laxmi was dancing before his eyes…He will dig out it tonight only and take it to Jaipur for sale. For digging he had already brought the axe …He will dig that out tonight definitely…!
In last few days two agents had already contacted him for the deal…sixty thousand rupees is not a bad amount…he will give some money to Manorama and close her mouth for some time after some time everything will be all right. He will also deposite some money in the bank for Anand’s further studies…He had the idea of starting some business too. Everything will be easy once the deal comes through.
In the backyard of the house, there was a Laxmi temple…It is his or her own ancestral property and he was the undisputed owner of that temple…
He thought about that statue of goddess Laxmi again…if possible and necessary he will replace that statue with another Laxmi…It will not make difference…After all that new statue will also be of the same material, stone….and when nobody is worshiping there, the statue is valueless…Vishwa’s mind was busy in his own logic and counter logic…still he could not make his mind final. He was in to be or no to be state. The stream of negative ideas were still operating…It should not be deep rooted since it was installed at his home temple, He thought.…It was not at a public place…he had all right to dig it out for any purpose…That is absolutely his private affairs-‘ Bubhikshitam Kim na karauiti papam…and Aapatti kale maryada nasti’…such ‘Neeti’ scriptures appeared in his mind and he felt relaxed for that moment.
…. ….. …. …..
Vishwa was restless. He had sent Anand to his Nani’s house to look after her as she was ill. Fortunately Manorama was also out of station and that was the right time to dig the statue.Two years back when he sold old illustrated manuscripts to the same agents he had the similar feeling. But, Manorama helped him in that deal. Actually, it was her idea because he was in financial crises and her sister had the readymade solutions. She was a mastermind in that deal and the money came to him through that transaction helped him lot….But now he will be going to make the deal directly without any medium and after the statue is delivered he will lock the temple.
Vishwa was afraid of most in the working of his own mind . He was most worried about his miseries …his starvation and madness .The images of statue were invading his mind. His conscience didn’t allow but when he looked at the axe lying in the corner of Deewankhana he stood up. He felt weak on his knees, somewhat feverish. His mind and body were in conflict. He was becoming soulless.
And at midnight, he was in a crisis of transition.
His dreams shattered. At the peak of his adventurous but ruined self, he took the axe in his hand and after closing the door he moved forward. He reached before the locked the temple, opened the lock. His body was shivering... sweating. Vishwa closed his eyes and hit….heavily at the side of the statue, he hit the second, third and the fourth time and there was a strong knock on the front door of his house…who could it be?, he thought to himself. He was chilled and nervous and ran towards the door, crossing two long court yards. He opened the door. It was Anand, smiling innocently, as if he knew everything! But Vishwa was wrong. Nobody except him knew what exactly he was doing two minutes back. Vishwa was shocked face to his own son Anand. The very moment, he gave up the thought of stealing. His son had saved him from committing the biggest sin of his life.
I am coming from Jagarna from Laxminarayan temple. Vishwa knew Anand was a good singer and he was in demand in Bhajan Parties.
‘What you were doing papa…Are you not well? He had asked him.
Vishwa took Anand in arm. He kissed him on his forehead.
‘Anand you have saved your father’. Vishwa was overwhelmed.
Anand didn’t have a clue about whatever his father was saying. He gave Vishwa a blank look, then they went to sleep. In the morning, with the first golden ray of light touching his body, Vishwa felt as if he had a new life rejuvination.
Anand’s father was serving in Calcutta at that time in Hindustan Motor's company as a cashier where his uncle too was working as accountant cum head clerk…They had to leave their native town under pressure and due to the financial liabilities and over burden on the family. Since Anand’s grand father had no regular income and earned his living by small pension from the state as an ex- worshiper of a vaishnava temple in the city. He was unable to support his children with the meagre income. Anyhow he was managing things with difficulty. But at the same time they had a very big four generation old Haveli, only a small portion of that was in use and the frontal Deevankhana and one hall, was being shared by Anand’s aunt after the death of his mother. She virtually became the care taker of Anand as his Nani was also engaged in teaching at Girls' school. Even after her mother’s demise she had taken the full charge and responsibility of Anand since his father was already hard pressed and he had limited source of earning…In the beginning he sold lot of antique articles through his aunt who had a larger circle of rich and established persons and managed to earn lions share from the sale of old family articles…particularly golden and rare painted manuscript of Bhagwat …set of Rasik priya paintings…and a very small but beautifully written and illustrated copy of Mahabharat.Besides this they had a very large number of big and small sized embroidered hand Pankhs (Fans) old toys and big size domestic utensils which all gone to antique dealers and their mediators at throw away-price. Due to that unmanageable conditions and burdens Anand’s father had to leave home and go to Culcutta to earn his living…Even the mishandling of affairs by his aunt, conditions further deteriorated and ultimately Anand was brought back to his Nani’s home for his education. He spent most of his childhood and adolescent day’s in his Nani’s home…Unfortunately she was also struggling those days and his Nana was also away from home fighting for the freedom of his country.
His father was dragged to civil courts in the changing time and he had to come again and again to his native place Bikampur .Strangely , In those cases , his aunt favored and taken side of the opponent party as later she developed some vested interest in the parental property of his father. She was also involved in one very big scandal as she sold some important part of their inherited property to one Vaishnav Maharaja of Bikampur with whom she had developed fishy relation, although she was married.
The Vaishanav Maharaja who gave ‘Bhramsambandh’ to his Aunt, was also involved in the Libel case in Bombay.As the time was changing the new educated class supporting the Western culture was creating problems against the Vaishanav cult of his city and they wanted to expose the licentious relations of the so-called Guru who exploited innocent ladies and abducted the property of his Aunt in the name of offering service as her disciple. He made her to surrender entirely with tan -man and dhan or body mind and wealth and helped her to forge documents of her dead father’s property in favour of her Guru.
In that Libel case against Maharaja of Vaishanav sect his father appeared as the star witness as he was advised and supported by the new emerging educated class of the city. To save his property he had gone to the extent of charging a seduction case of his sister against Maharaja. In the court he exposed the lustful activities of Raasmandali festival organized by the so called Guru were exposed. By his father’s evidence it was proved that lot of Vaishanav disciples were gathered in one particular date in the haveli in name of Raasmandali for promiscuous intercourse and in that particular night Maharaja cohabited with his sister also. That case created sensation in the history of Bikampur and the judgment was in the favour of his father.In that case his Nani‘s role was instrumental and she gathered good public opinion against the Vaishnav Guru who was taking undue advantage of innocent couples, who were his devotees.
After the loss of mother, at a very early tender age was brought up by his maternal uncle and Nana …the shades of his little kingdom did not contribute much in shaping of his future. The pathetic most part of his mother was her time of death and when she was dying and had no hope to live more, she had put Anand in the arms of her brother, his maternal uncle and told him- ‘Dear brother you are only my hope, I am sure my child (Anand) will be happy in your hands.’ Anand did not know much about his mother’s illness but he was told that she died of some tumour in the abdomen.
It was not the first death due to long illness in his house…actually earlier also so many members had the Akaal-mrityu yog [death in the unusual young age] in his Nana’s (even from his father side) family. His uncle’s four sons and two daughters died at very early age… average age was between thirty to fifty…It is rumoured that all this happened due to wrong and malefic practices adopted in invocation of Tantra goddess and misuse of power by his great grand father as he was very influential person in the old times of princely state and managed anything they liked for their vested interest. The power game made them corrupt. He had known ALL THIS from people belonging to the opposite camp of his Nana family. The changing time and the end of the dynastic rule brought a new life and values in his family.


8/PARADISE
The cow dung area, the forest land, known in the local dialect as Goberiyafield. Little back in history, it was the pasture land, Jangloo-province. Still a migratory rout of sheeps, camels and cows and thousands of these animals pass through this land to nearby prosperous pastures of adjoining states.Where as many interesting stories are attached to this desert kingdom, one special love story of Dhola-Maru is sung in the sand dunes of these areas the seat of romance, Pugal. The famines have been described as a perennial monster spreading different parts of his body at a stone through distance of this province. Very close to this baron piece of land there are traces of an earlier Bhati-Rajput kingdom and some ruins of a small fort known as the Bikaji Ki Tekari in the name of the founder of the five centaury old kingdom.
After the scorching heat of the midday this area literally comes to life with the coolness of evening and shadows of babul trees, houses lengthen at the same time snakes and reptiles make their appearances , lizards begin scuttling, jungle birds stir creating soft music from the shelter or some times while crossing the sky through the civilian colony.
The romance of past is not completely wiped out here…and that is also reflected in our present time…particularly relevant is a parallel and fresh romantic adventure, exploits of our hero Anand. To be very specific this Goberiya field is the focal point of his present past and future romantic activities in unlimited way …This is a point of a pendulum around which life of Anand is oscillating…His latest activity being that of his captaincy of local cricket–team only….that brought him close to the cow- dung area. For beginners of this great game of cricket, Goberiya field is the local version of M.C.C play- ground. There is distinct far- end of pavilion. Our new generation of cricketers decided to name it as Khejadi end. From here, under the shadow of an old Khejadi tree, both the teams send their batsman to open innings and execute the other strategies for their players. The bating order for the toss winning team, the fielding positions etc are discussed with their respective captains and the players. In the local cricket, bating order does not remain the same. It changes according to run rate. It is also an interesting point to note that in those times the toss winning team always chose to bat…

The Goberiya field has made history in sending their players to represent higher schools and college teams…at state level tournaments. Among them two players were picked for played Ranaji-trophy? National and international batsman called them over net-practice…
The cow-dung area! a close land to that famous "Laila Majanoo temple" was an fete , in love with itself Here too Anand opened another love… this time with a married lady Sonal which also affected his life deeply perhaps. Cricket and his affair lasted long and that became his life time adventure. This time his treasure tove was house, south-facing two-storied building erected by the father- in-law of Sonal. She is already married to a P.T. teacher...who is a tall and fat person. He has the rounded black eyes combined with parrot nose and his jaws were like claws gone inward in the irregular manner, being depressed from both the sides. His sound is hoarse as if spoken from the horse’s mouth. Normally he prefers to wear dhoti-kurta as his day to day dress but on duty-days he uses khaki trouser and white full sleeve shirt .In the house compound he is comfortable with red little transparent towel locally known as gamachha (lower part cloth) the upper part showing his belly in full measure would be mostly bare. His name is Nandu Maharaaj (N. M.). The title of 'Maharaj is normally given to that special person of the community who is a self styled man and not ordinary manageable by standard norms of society. Such person some time acts as self made guardian of his community as he has some inherent trails quailites of leadership.
Anand met him for the first time when, he along with was team members were surveying the area for the cricket–match. It was an interesting encounter with Nandu Maharaaj, who became N.M. for him later. He was a simple man. His main weakness was bhang, an Indian intoxicant, made of local herbs… but he had a long list of other weaknesses… and these were also very interesting…
Besides becoming self imposed patron of the local cricket team of Anand, N.M often entertained the young cricketers by his interesting talks. He often spent tense with the young breed of cricketers in gossiping, his most favourite subject was love and sex.
In the matter of love and romance he advised his new cricket friends that if they wanted favour of any girl, they should make a juice of eleven leaves of Neem tree and drink before the lover that will certainly win her love. He also suggested them that a mere display of a tortoise shell can attract any girl of the world.N.M himself said to have used a paste of some herbs, put that on his forehead and had won the heart of his wife before marriage. These talks were definitely in addition to his blind support to the young cricketers, by helping them some donation from his pocket and arrangement of cricket –kit from his school game’s room, whenever the team played a match with the neighbouring colony.
He became very friendly to Anand and wanted to see him as country’s best all-rounder ‘Test- player’. Actually their relationship entered a new phase of when, at the time of dusk, Anand was measuring the field, along his friends, by walking on the ground from one point to another. At that time many school kids were playing Kabaddi and N.M just appeared as 'ghost' on the first day. He was under the influence of bhang. His tone was soft but because of the voice, typically local, his enquiry was jovial…he talked to them in total local dialect… mixing wrong phrases of English.
‘Bhayala(friends)..Are you measuring this land for some aerodrome?-N.M was in the joking mood.
-‘How it can be possible in the Dhingarianbasti( forcefully grabbed land) ? One of the team-players put a counter question
.‘This land was already ours, rather the government had wrongfully declared this as forest area’ N.M put it diplomatically
‘We are all your chelaz (disciples) sir... we are going to play a cricket match here tomorrow…’ Vice Captain from the opposite team made it clear.
‘Oh... that’s it… I am also a good cricket player…I can play from the week side… I will make a century’. N.M. was in mood of compromise. Agreeing with the players ‘N.M the great’ allowed the young cricketers to play the game regularly. The team also took blessing of him and decided to come for the game next morning. The cricket match of the two different colony teams was played very successfully and the support from the N.M. and his family was really encouraging. N.M.’s father inaidently, Nathiyamaharaj who brought elephant in Anand’s Nana’s Haveli was their special guest. The old man had deep ties and obligations of his Nana and other members of family.
N.M’s gorgeous wife Sonal was also viewing the game from the balcony of her house but later came down and enjoyed the game from khejadi end along with other women and colony children. Cold water for the players was her special offer. It was a very hot day and playing in the desert in the semi-arid hot wind was not an easy job… yet Anand scored eighty runs and his score was highest from both the teams. His team won the game.
It was the cloudly evening, the time of setting sun and he was putting of his leg-guards, N.M.’s wife expressed her feeling and complemented Anand’s for his superb batting and victory batting.…He didn’t know how all of a sudden she told him in vibrating exciting note that... she will also make his son a good cricketer… It was an indirect invitation for him. That way she expressed her hidden feelings, the very sight of charming lady Sonal made Anand mad. He could not know what happened to him…since he was finding himself breathless...lost...and losing contact with his soul.


9 /TURNING POINT
A few years after they separated, Anand and Shaheen got the opportunity to meet each other again. Their different social and religious background and imposed strictness on them and they could not meet on roads or any other public point. Now in their prime, they were relatively liberated and had the opportunity to learn new lessons of taxonomy with the practical exposures, they found the best way to know each other. Now they had enough time and unlimited space, they were little bit pre- prepared to explore their intimate moments.
Shaheen was a student of science then with him, they were in the final year of B.Sc. and had a chance to go to field for practical lessons of Botany. As the part of curricula, every student was supposed to collect and classify herbs from nearby flora. For convenience, the students were divided in groups to explore the field visits.
Only during the practical classes and field visits, the students would get the chance to come closer, otherwise during the whole of session the class ran in compartments between boys and girls…In that so called ‘coeducation’ system, there were hardly interaction between boys and girls.... On the way to college sometime their cycles crossed and they passed each other without saying anything…simply some exchange of confused gestures and perhaps that pressure of forced distance, frustration and feelings, caused little or no communication.
Anand’s first two years in college passed without any interaction with Shaheen. Beside her, there were two more girls in the Zoology group. They would attend the practical together dissected frogs, earthworms and scorpions. Shaheen was the best at dissection and always would be the first to finish her assignments. While most of the students would prefer large sized frogs for exposure of venous or arterial systems and naturally took more time, she would select small frog from the chloroformed bucket with the help of fork, took no time to pin-up it on the solidified wax-tray and by filling it with minimum water she finished her dissection soon and diligently…The head of Zoology department was fond of Shaheen and appreciated her work…the way she would put flags with proper cutting and stretching of skin and exposed only those parts of the Rana-tigrina, the frog which were to be shown as the demand of the scheme, she became the most popular student of the class. Many of the students who didn't’ understand how to differentiate arteries and veins would wait for either the lab assistant for help or request the lecturer to guide them… So was the case with Earthworm or Scorpion dissections although those were simpler. For Shaheen, those were mere ten minute jobs. The central nervous system of earthworm was the easiest and the book-lungs of scorpion could also be exposed in less time…For every dissection, she would take a lead in her class. However, in Botany, no one could beat Anand. He could easily spot transverse or longitudinal sections of stems or leaves. Even his drawing was superb and he was the favourite student of Mr. Singh the botany professor. In chemistry practical, most of the time the lab would remain closed because of the paucity of alcohols or aldehydes or salts for analysis. But the fact was that the HOD consumed most of the alcohol. He was a very senior professor and assured all his students that nobody will get less than 40-45 out of 50 marks if they kept his secret. The external examiners would all be his students and hence gave good marks to the students on the professor’s recommendation.
It so happened, a bolt from the blue, that for the collection and identification of xerophytes plants, three separate groups were formed and in one of the groups, Anand and Shaheen were instructed to identify flora of desert area of Kolayat, which was thirty kilometres away from the city. The fieldwork was for a week. In addition, the fieldwork brought the two-short time lovers close again.
On the last day of the excursion, Shaheen looked incredibly beautiful. Under infinite blue sky, It was wonderful to see a girl of her shade and scale of beauty. She tossed her thick silky hair and again they swirled forward. Anand glanced at Shaheen’s dark deep eyes from a very close angle. That very moment sexual permissiveness replaced repression. She seemed free of all inhibitions, willing to unlock herself from a perplexed situation. Emotions were gushing in Anand’s veins. He was fully ready to exploit that long awaited chance. They were no strangers and that was the right time to embark on the journey of love. Their love was melting…
“Anand isn’t it strange that after many years we met again”? Can I ask a question…? If you don’t mind that is…”
“Shaheen you can ask me anything. I am anyways prepared for the Viva, He replied with smile.
“Oh Viva? Yeah, I know you can answer every question when it comes to Botany. But let me see how you fair in this one. “I will take your viva on Love! Anand do you love me”? She asked.
“I love you from our school days…Remember that piece of paper? That is still safe with me”.
“Oh? You still have it? Crap”!! She exclaimed.
“It is special for me”. He firmly told her.
Did you ever give our relation a thought? How long will it last? You are a Hindu and I am a Muslim girl.
“I love you and you love me, that’s all I know and I care for.” Whatever Anand had just said, he did not really mean it. His testosterones were steering his mind. As Anand uttered those words to Shaheen, she felt a certain tingle in her body. Kamdev the sex god was all set to initiate the spark. He launched his bowstring made of line of bees and five invisible arrows, and cast the love spell on the two. The scorching sun disappeared in clouds and the surroundings became beautiful as if it was springtime… The barren hot and dry terrain was then the bed of roses for the two lovers. They stood under the old age Khejari tree near the shrine of Kapil Muni, a Hindus’ sacred place, hungry and wet through pleasure ready to explore each other’s basic instinct in the unbound sensuous atmosphere.
How gorgeous she looked! Anand thought to himself He was close to her and could sense the fragrance that her body emanated …He had never seen any girl before so closely. Her face emitted grace; her complexion was brilliant…and her features; so beautiful and inviting. Anand could not resist… As he drew close, Shaheen moved away and started running. She was playful and wanted to tease Anand. The sand was dry, hot and porous. Therefore, it was difficult to run. Who wanted to run? She was running away to eventually return to him. She wanted to evoke a strong desire in Anand. She wanted to turn him wild… As Shaheen sprinted, her ankle bent and she fell on the dune. She called Anand for help. Anand was right behind her. That was his moment. He gave his hand… and pulled her up, drew her close. Shaheen was somewhat nervous then. He held her in his strong arms and pulled her beautiful face closer to him. She could feel his warm breathe. He could see her body tremble with desire. He kissed her lips, gently. His lips brushed hers, causing them to part. His hand went around exploring her body. He caressed her back, then her full breasts For once, she seemed hesitant, and then she gave in. Anand was kissing her deeply. His tongue was rolling in, getting the taste of her sweet breath. He kissed her cheek. Holding her neck tight kissed her passionately. He wrapped her in his arms and squeezed his body on to hers in deep embrace. Sheer bliss!
Anand had been to the place as a child. He surveyed the place. It seemed time had no influence here at all. It was just the same. He got nostalgic. A little after his mother’s death, Vishwa had come back from Kolkatta to spend time with Anand. He remembered how they had come to Kolayat with another family, living opposite their Haveli in a bullock cart. The journey was pretty interesting… old retreated tyres made horrible sounds in each circle on the muddy road and every part of Anand’s body was aching due to jerks, thanks to the potholes on unfinished coal tar road.... For lunch, they stopped over near the famous Shiva temple. Anand remembered having enjoyed Kair sangari pickle brought by the neighbour’s wife. She offered and served with her beautiful slender hands. Her red bangles flashed in his eyes and for that moment he could not resist to see the fallen sari Pallu from her bodice, exposing the full rounded bosoms like landing moons. Her face radiated charm. She noticed Anand looking at her and got a little nervous and to hide it, she clinched her pallu in between her teeth….
That place was a like an oasis…everyone had sweet well water, then they all rested under the banyan trees. …. Anand was thinking about the lady. And then he suddenly became conscious of his surroundings. He was there, at the same place, again but now with another young and irresistible girl. Shaheen. Anand started fantasising about Shaheen. He was excited and conscious with the feeling that Shaheen was so close to him.
Anand took Shaheen’s hand in his and started to read her palm. He scanned through the lines of her palm, specially the love line, soft hairline coming from the mound of mercury, her girdle of Venus and her marital line and below it. But Shaheen’s hands were reddened by henna that he could hardly see any lines. Shaheen told him a story of a tribal girl Laila who belonged to Al Amria, a tribe. That ancient love story was very popular in the Arabic world. Laila fell in love with Qais who was a poet. Qais, to express his feelings for her wrote numerous poems about her beauty. Laila’s father was enraged by this. He saw the reputation of his daughter getting sullied. He did not allow the lovers to marry. Laila was married to another man. Qais, hence went crazy with grief.
Does that love story have any relevance to their lives? Was she trying to say something? thought Anand. He looked in her eyes and Shaheen’s face went red. She looked ever more beautiful.
‘Do you also compose poems like Qais?’ Anand asked her.
‘Shaheen, does this love story have a relevance to us? He also questioned.
‘I don’t know’ but this story is related to my henna …my aunty told me this story few year back but I still remember it and it came to my mind suddenly”…
Anand looked at her in admiration. She had a glowing profile, mixtures of tradition and modern beauty and thoughts. She told him that henna application on the palm is considered to protect from evil. Henna designs have different social and religious motifs in the Islamic and Hindu world. The decorated palms, hands and feet add to the beauty of the one who wear it. Anand observed special pattern of the henna placed in the middle of the palm. It was simple yet impressive. He asked her if that pattern meant anything in particular. She replied, it wards off evil. She also told Anand that she had been learning to apply Henna as per modern Indian designs, accentuating solely the fingers, which appear to be covered with lace.
While reading her palm, Anand told Shaheen yet another interesting story set in the backdrop of Kolayat. That was the story of Kapil Muni, the sage who created an oasis in the desert. He was a great scholar, who propounded the concept of Raj, Tam and Sat and divided mothernature in three parts… Stree or Prakriti, separated from Purush and the Ardhanareeswar, half man and half woman form of lord Shiva.
The mother of Kapil was Devahooti, who was married to one of the sons of Brahma (The creator of Cosmos). She was also the daughter of Manu and Shatrupa. Manu was the originator of human race on earth..
The husband of Devahooti was Kardam who remained absorbed in his penance. His face was glowing and when he opened his eyes after 13 years, he saw a very charming, beautiful graceful lady, offering him a glass of milk...
Kardam asked –‘Who are you, lady?’
‘I am your wife - Devahooti replied.’
‘Oh dear, where were you all the while? Am I married? - asked Kardam.
‘My dear husband you were busy in your penance for last thirteen years and I was waiting for you all these years. You have now opened your lying... please have this fresh glass of milk which I have brought for you.''
‘It’s strange... Thank you for the glass of milk... it’s very sweet... what you want from me- Kardam asked his wife...
‘A son’ - Devhooti very politely replied
‘Oh, you want son from me… so shall you will have one!’
In the next moment, Kardam made a heavenly world for their honeymoon.In the genltle breeze, the fragrance of sandal wood, cooling rays of moon, he embraced his lady; she became a creeper of the age old Aswattha tree. The hot love wind thrilled her existence,the charming spring was dancing in the desert...Devhooti was a real woman of taste for this yogi. She made him agreed for the tender sports.The reverberation of this relationship was magical and Kardam gave Devhooti his son. The son was later known as Kapil. While still in his mother’s womb, Kapil taught her the meaning of life…and gave her the knowledge of religion…
But Anand made this sacred place Kolayat the "Cloister's Pale" of their first love University. Behind the facade of this love building activity lays story of their repeatedly missed bus.

10/AS DAYS PASSED

In the old township of Bikampur inside the fort area, Anand lived under strict discipline. His Nani had nursed in him a deep sense of confidence since the death of his mother. At Nani’s place, Anand initiated his formal education and had supportive hand on life. He learnt about various modes of living, explored a whole new world. During those years, there grew an amazing bond between the two. Everything, imbibed in him was transparent, lovable, inocent and it eliminated all the possibilities of weaknesses in life.
Soon his childhood gave way to adolescent and adolescence to youth. Anand remained, far from his father’s life. Nani spent all her life and energy in Anand‘s care. She had limited social interaction; she chose to stay away from the usual gossip of the locality. One person, she liked to spend time was her colleague at school, Razia a Moslem lady from reputed Mirza family. She would also take him to her class. Ms Razia taught Arts. And she was quite fond of Anand. She gifted him a set of toy table and chairs that she had got made specially made for him, by her students. Jokingly, Ms. Razia would tell Nani that she would marry Anand to a beautiful Moslem girl…
Anand told Shaheen whatever Ms. Razia had told Nani.Reacting on this, Shaheen replied-‘Then why didn’t you marry some other girl? She could have been more beautiful’.
‘Not as beautiful as you…
‘How would you know without meeting some one? Wouldn’t it be better if u married her, huh?
‘You mean that imaginative girl…
‘No, your dream girl…
’‘My dream girl is Shaheen.
‘Don’t lay okie? I know you since we were in school.
…‘And still you doubt me…
‘Anand, sometimes I feel, whatever we are doing is not right.. Shaheen changed the topic. Perhaps she was scared of their relationship.
‘OK, let’s not talk about that. Talk about something else. They continued to talk of ‘something’ else for hour's altogether.

Those were the final examination days and fifteen days preparatory leaves were declared. In this vacation Anand and Shaheen got no opportunity to meet each other but they found the way out. The next day was Saturday and as per their plan they decided to meet at the public park on the way to college. She told her aunt that she was going to college for extra-class but instead of going there, Shaheen went to a nearby lake Gajiner with Anand in the name of 'search of herbs' for their botany practical..... She kept her burqua in her bag and went around the place like a normal Hindu girl. There was something vague going on in her mind.
They wanted to spend the day together, free of inhibitions, full of love. It was a day of liberation for them, to vent out their suppressed emotions. They didn’t seem to care about the taboos of society. The only truth for them was that they needed each other at that point of time. They decided to occupy separate seats of a private bus.
The journey was very short. It took hardly half an hour. Fortunately, nobody in the bus was a known face and the bus was going to kolayat, their destination however was Gajner. Sun was shining through window panes of the bus and it was very hot. Shaheen had covered her face with her long black scarf and only her eyes could be seen through that. She looked like a tourist.
Anand deliberately sat a few seats away, just to avoid any hullabaloos in case they met head on with an acquaintance. He had booked a room for them through a close friend Sampat, who worked for the palace hotel. He had assured them total privacy for some time. Both Anand and Shaheen were impatient; they so wanted to be with each other and were ready to go to any extent in love making.
As they entered the hotel lobby, the two got a little nervous, a little excited. Anand‘s friend received them warmly. He had already arranged a special suite for them. Just in a while, they were all by themselves in their maharaja suite. Shaheen glanced down the big hall. Anand closed the room. He stood there for sometime, quiet and observing Shaheen. The look on Anand face got Shaheen somewhat nervous. And yet at the time, she so wanted him to just seize upon her. But she wouldn’t make the first move. She knew that! On one side, there was a big round shaped bed.. She noticed the side window was half open.
‘The window is open’-She said in whispering voice.
‘I will close that- Anand moved forward and closed the window. By now, Shaheen had surveyed the small changing room. She sat on the sofa and brought out small mirror to see her face.
‘How long we will stay here? Her first question was showing her worries. For that moment she thought, her coming to this place was not right. But then suddenly she asked Anand-‘You have come here for the first time?
‘Ofcourse, What did you think otherwise? And why did you ask? Anand came close to her. The big mirror on the side wall was showing their charming image. Both smiled and Anand took her in his arms. She too surrendered herself and rested her head on his broad shoulders.
‘Don’t you feel you are looking tired Shaheen? He asked her
‘I am not tired. I am feeling, we should not have come here.
‘Don’t be a fool. Anand looked her with his intense eyes. He gave her a warm kiss on her forehead. She felt relieved.
‘Let’s get on to the bed and talk…and without caring for her reply he lifted her with his strong arms and carefully made her to sit on the bed. She was quiet.
‘I think we should wait. We shouldn’t do this! It should be done after marriage, do you know’. She said.
‘Why don’t you make a radial move and come here. Anand was in the middle of the bed.’
‘We will marry soon’ – He assured her. She crept close and stared at his face with a soft smile.
He nestled her hair. Shaheen trembled with excitement. He put his arms around her and kissed her deeply.
They were now exploring the wonderland of sex… the cupid was in hurry to act.
It was the devil’s darkest kingdom where two creatures were busy in searching and creating fantasies of life-most interesting, arresting…disturbing…restive… throwing in all sort of absurdities...as they involved more and more in their passionate act. It seemed as if everything was pre-empted, yet never explored. Their body and mind were in search of a new language…new notions. They needed of some in-depth enquiries about each other and by the grace of the invisible, the fact finding became automatic…. so far as this new wonder was there. Eye to eye...lips to lips...fingers always searching a new direction…their bodies were totally in restless rhythm…they were floating in air…there was no room, no roof no window, no stair-case, no balcony no road outside the hotel room, no people... anywhere... Just them, the two wild entities...
Only two of them existed in the whole of the Universe ...in the cosmos. in their wonderland there was no place for God... and hence no sin or evil as the opposite force.
Anand was facing flashes of intuitions revealing vast vistas of mystic and magic of a woman’s body and mind. A pearl turned into a woman’s body ...the soft curves of infinite range and the feeling knew no end. But like all good things come to an end. Anand and Shaheen had broken all the barriers of age old morality in the most luxurious environment of Palace hotel. Anand's sexual adventure Shaheen was lying half nude…He un-buttoned her and his fingers were playing the game so freely and fantastically, she was really moved.
They bonded themselves as love-birds in a golden cage, the Gajner Palace Hotel. Everything beyond them seemed invisible and meaningless for that moment, their body –language changed spontaneously. Lavishing each other with their erotic feelings and designs...they were ready to satisfy one another as it was their only inner urge then and there.
Anand’s tongue was exploring her body…he kissed and licked her beauty bone, her full round breast, came upto her shoulder, back of her neck, then her armpits…with one hand supporting her head the other stroking her buttocks… when he tried to go down on her, she accepted his act with moderate passion…the love battle was charming as both the players were thoroughly aroused… although she took long time to cum.
Shaheen kept lying in the bed, for a while after they were through with the love game, then wrapped her with a sheet and headed for the restroom. She put on her clothes back, tossed and combed her hair then came out. She was not a little stressed. She asked Anand to leave the hotel immediately.
It was risky being there; moreover the two had different religions. The two however decided to stay on till evening. Later, they boarded the bus back to the city…on their way back, just as Anand was ready to leave, Shaheen held his hand. Now, she didn’t want to separate from him. But then, circumstance were such, they had to let go.
Unfortunately, the setting sun brought heaps of darkness in their life. After their blissful union, they had to writhe in hell, bear the pain of separation. It was perhaps, also, a closure of their ‘moral life’. They were now setting off to a new journey to doom and darkness. The road Anand and Shaheen had taken for their journey was exciting, but risky. In those times and days, pre - marital sex was considered not just immoral, but heinous as per the norms laid by the society, a crime in the eyes of their elders.
And that way, the coming of Shaheen in Anand’s life could not be a happy affair but sad turning point of his early karmic phase of life. Her affair resulted in her pregnancy. Anand then, didn’t have the courage to stand up for his act and take responsibility. Due to his lily livered attitude, Anand not just lost Shaheen’s love, but hurt himself. He suffered from guilt.


11/TWO CENOTAPHS
The inside Haveli, life and times of Anand’s Nana and his brother Brijendra, had left deep impressions on him. Soon after his Nana had joined hands with the revolutionaries of the Province, Nani was forced to leave the Haveli.
As privilege Anand’s great grand father enjoyed the status of Rajguru of the erstwhile state. While one of his son’s left home because of his connection with the freedom fighters had, the other one was attracted toward a royal mistress, Bageechi. She was given as dowry to Maharaja Bhim Singh. She had a distinctive charm and a beautiful body. She was accorded a special place as a mistress and was given a house outside the fort by the royalty. She also fell in love with Brijendra.
It was a slow drippy spring when the mistress had also caught the fancy of Maharaja Bhim Singh’s uncle Thakur Roopsingh, while soaking her long hair in sun. On the roof top of her house, she was barely clothed, when Maharaja’s chopper took a flight over Bageechi’s house. Thakur Roopsingh, was fascinated by the sight of the young beauty relaxing carelessly exposing her charming body. He was restless and within no time known, he figured her out and by hook or crook coaxed Bageechi to be his keep… Bageechi consented, but she continued to have a secret affair with the Rajguru’s son. Time passed and on one rainy day, RoopSingh caught both of them red-handed in a compromising position. He got furious and in front of Bageechi’s house, got his clothes ripped off and had his bare body lashed with whips.
The inhumane public torture caused Brijendra, deep sense of pain. He couldn’t bear the agony and within a year passed away. Incidentally, his beloved Bageechi also died on the same day and she was cremated next to her lover.
The torture had caused rage in Anand’s great grandfather‘s heart. Following the incident, he stopped going to the fort temple till one day Maharaja called him personally to his office and requested his Guru to take charge of the temple again, forgetting the old unfortunate event of flogging of his son by Thakur Roopsingh, who died just after a fortnight after whipping the elder son of Rajguru family.
Rajguru requested to re-join his services. In the memory of his son, the entire city was offered ‘Ichha-Bhojan’ for seven days by the royal family. In the memory of Brijendra and Bageechi, two Cenotaphs were erected outside the fortified city. Those Cenotaphs were known as ‘Prem Chhatreese‘…and visited by lovers of the city and also by tourists.
In his days of romancing Shaheen Anand would often visit the cenotaph. But with the passage of time, the area became a dump for municipal wastes, filth and drainage and all disposable medical materials...expiry dated medicines , injections syringes, bandage ,removed Plaster of Paris covers of orthopaedic wards…and all other hazardous bio-chemical drugs ,broken test-tubes etc. This was further joined by a narrow road ending into the lime- workers’ oldest kuchi-basti and a water-tap stand where from grey lights of dawn, men and women came to collect water for their daily usage.
The broken exterior walls of the fort were also used by women and children as cover to attend nature’s calls. Early mornings were hence never missed by lecherous people who would keep sitting there to catch a glance of female bodies. Some pervert would pass by the place in the pretext of morning walks.
One afternoon when Anand and Shaheen were sitting under one of the Chhatri …they heard some noises, coming from a very short distance…The two went up there and were horrified to see a newly born child lying in that garbage as if waiting to be dragged and devoured by dogs…the cries of the baby coupled with the barking dogs had got people alarmed. They rushed in the direction. The baby’s face and body was covered in blood. Women and kids who had gathered there started pelting stones at the dogs to rescue the baby. They were crying in their own way to call attention of public…Unfortunately, there was no one except Anand and Shaheen. The two however got so petrified that they fled from the scene. The whole event thrilled and shocked their existence.
Anand told Shaheen to take little rest near Shavanbhadon…so called green house of the public garden…By the very after thought of the baby,.Shaheen was shivering when she came down from her bicyle…Her body was in temperature…She threw her bike at one side of the road and fell down on the little path of green grass almost in semi- conscious state…Anand took her in his hand…fanned her from his practical note-book…brought water immediately from garden pipe and sprinkled it on her face…Shaheen became normal in few minutes.
‘What happened to you…Shaheen? Anand asked her.
‘I could not tolerate the horrible scene…She told…and the way we both escaped …as if…
‘Shaheen we both knew our limitations…our coming in public light was not right. Anand told firmly but with a very cautious stand.
‘Who might have done that…I am afraid…She could not complete the sentence.
‘For god-shake…please…
‘You know I am pregnant too…What we have to do now…?
‘I am equally worried …and decided to call my Nana for all help…He is a strong man…we will fight out the situation…’
‘Anand I don’t know….For last few days I felt like ending my life…’
‘Shaheen you are a brave girl….How could you think all that rubbish….We have vowed to fight…and Anand took her hand in his hand…They remained silent for a very long span and then departed by separate roads to their homes.
But in no time their shady relationship exposed and now everything was coming to blows. Initially both the families of Anand and Shaeen wanted to keep this matter hidden but the sudden parental activity in both their houses, and particularly because of Hindu-Muslim religions background unearthed the seriousness of the case. Shaheen was not allowed to come out of her home and Anand too was changing his hide-outs. There was rumour in the town that Anand will be punished for his heinous crime he will be pierced and given to dogs. The relatives and community of Shaheen was in emotional state of anger and series of rumours spread in the city that could cause communal tension any time and aggression on the roads of that old fashioned suburb Bikampur.
One thing and another, Anand got on his nerves. He was not in home and declared absconding although he was driven away far from the madding crowd mood. Times were bad for him now and also for Shaheen. Anand became quite uneasy, unable to bear his stress, his own home, his own city.
He started thinking in terms of other problems, new challenges in mind .Every moment of his existence was falling heavily on him. In his cowardice behaviour as an escapist, had also thought to revive his life… He wanted to come out of bitter memories of his old city and town. …
As a matter of fact, after seducing Shaheen for a long time and by foolish act of making her pregnant, he tried that the child was aborted. For that he also got the timely support of his Nana … Shaheen’s uncle Usman, a close friend of his Nana was also prepared to help them, in-spite of the fact that he and Shaheen committed biggest and un-pardonable sin of their life, but unfortunately, before any solution came in, his Nana was arrested…This was his second arrest since there was again a search warrant against him and police was keeping close and constant vigilance on his movement


12/BEYOND THE BORDER

Unfortunately Shaheen was made victim of the social and religious taboos that existed in the society. The two could not marry. To avoid any future problems, she was sent to her Nana’s house to Jaipur at Cheete Walon Ka Mohalla, Ramganj. Since her being pregnant from a Hindu boy could cause Hindu-Muslim conflicts, to the extent that it could be a reason for riots, a relative brought her to Jaipur. Her relatives had planned to abort the baby as nobody could allow her to carry a child of a ‘kafir’. Shaheen was adamant and she decided to keep her baby as to her it would be another heinous crime hence her abortion was not materialized.
Incidentally, Asad from Pakistan was also staying at that time with some close relative of her maternal uncle. He fell in love with Shaheen at first sight… He had not seen any girl, so beautiful in his life time… He at once accepted her even in the condition that she was carrying a baby from a Hindu.
Saheen was told that Asad was a progressive poet and an intellectual man and he saw nothing wrong in a pre- marital relationship. To him it was only natural... He brought her to Pakistan and kept her there as his cousin for some time, later changed her nationality.


13/SALE KI HOLI
Thousands of nuptial-knots are tied every year in the age old tradition of Aboojh Sava, popularly known as marriage Olympic. That event waves the small town of Bikampur in the state of madness .Here every possible effort is made to bring close, the prospective girl or boy regardless of their age, for wedding ceremonies and that certainly engage good number of kids as prospective couples during this Olympic..
Anandalso enjoyed one such marriage of a distant sister of Sonal earlier when her sister was a child of four years only. At that time also his centre of attraction was Sonal. Anand was not able to move his eyes from this living beauty. The waist and bust-line of Sonal was emphasizing by the wide turn of her white silk sari which she wrapped tightly around her semi-transparent blouse. It was so much intact to her body that she was looking like a nude sculpture subtly revealing her curves of body in her standing posture. She was transcending warmth and her transparent blouse, trying in vain to conceal her body, enhancing her beauty, adding special and good features to her attractiveness. That time Anand was not that intimate with her but the moment his eyes met her eyes, that created magic.
Soon after that event another right occasion came for Anand when the entire city witnessed the famous colour festival of (sex-god) Holi, he caught her glimpse again and she too looked at him. Holi was in full swing in Sale Ki Holi where Nandu Maharaj was enjoying colours & bucketful water to play with his salies (sister-in- law) by splashing colours on them. Sonal was also enjoying with them.
He had reached there with groups of some known friends colour with gulal moving around everywhere, after visiting each known and unknown house, dancing with beats of drum and chorus them some unknown persons joined calling bad names and filthy remarks in was part of the fesitval. Anand had also consumed Bhang. He was enjoying with beats... his face was almost unidentified because of colours. All of a sudden when his eyes followed Sonal, something melted in his heart and he came out of the crowd and went straight to Sonal’s house. There she was smearing gulal,(colored powder) on some of her friends and relatives. He gazed at her. Her eyes glittered. Both were silent for a while. Then instantly crossed the barriers of propriety, since could not stop him to overlook Sonal's irriting eyes.
So you are here. That's fantastic, Anand told her.
'How you know I am playing holi here?
Sonal was little bit hesitant to play with him as he was not that familiar in her family ‘Where is your gulal…you want to play without colours with your bhabhi? She asked smilingly.
‘It’s holi bhabhi and I will use your colours on you ,and with these words he again caught Sonal strongly in arms, without any delay,as if under some spell of bad air, started dancing with her... with the beating of drums... Both of them came so close that one time they looked in the locking posture. He thentook a bucket and taking full liberty he snatched deep brown and blue colurs from her closed palm and forcefully rubbed her cheeks, arms…bare part little below neck trying to reach the treasure-islands of her body. It was really an odd exposure for everyone standing there because accept Nandu Maharaj no one knew him.
Then suddenly he separated himself after a pause told her-‘I never knew this is your house in the city…
He was not known in the house of Sonal’s father where people were enjoying... In the local term his act was ‘Rang Mein Bhung’ .Something really unexpected… undesired happened. A strange episode it was.

…. …. …. …. …….


His adventure made it clear that coming events cast their shadows before and nothing seemed fair in their future love... the evil of serpent was creeping in his veins…he was being carried to un-known world of fantasy. That reptile was moving in all the directions… it was visible on the five hundred years old fort of his city...He had seen the same snake, one day, on the bench of public –park… another time in cinema screen, the worst part … it appeared at his worshiping place also. Under his matters too but this snake was harmless. It kept him breathing...no poison…but...it was the deep feeling of exciting love.
Sonal also knew, this relationship might take a dangerous turn. But like him she was also helpless. The regular game of cricket at the cow-dung field close to her house put butter-oil in the fire. Every Sunday and almost on every holiday Anand came to play cricket there. For him mere sight of Sonal was so satisfying, it would add additional colours to his dreaming and more heart beatings.
One day in the field he could not understand what wrong happened to him when he was standing below the shade of Khajari tree waiting fan his chance to bat, he got a dazzling glimpse of Sonal. She was smoothing her abnormally long hairs’. Sitting in her chair and stared slightly in front him. A married woman so extra ordinary to look at must surely have emptiness in her life. The thought about her and was badly moved by the sight. She was still starring at him from half open window. He just left pavilion went behind the Babool tree and in a very awkward manner took to fast masturbation. At the same time, somebody from his team was announced clean- bowled. But behind khejari his enjoyment was at peak, beyond words. He was fully engaged in his wonderful but foolish act. It mentally associated him closely with Sonal… He his in imagination total mental and physical self in to Sonal’s self. It was the most erotic feeling. His gestures wore entirely a cover of a ghost at that time. Some unknown devil really entered in his body which made him excited. His name was announced twice- thrice and he had to run to take bat…the bowler was ready to bowl… His co- players, perhaps none on this earth knew, what game he played, behind the tree ten minutes back.
Actually, now onward, Anand started depending on his hidden agenda.
He was no longer faithful to himself but became unfaithful to N.M, the husband of Sonal also He was becoming frivolous in terms of his old family ties and social attributes… He now remained in internal conflicts. Since his sexual wage was off the hinge, he struggled against himself. Sonal too was prepared to go to any extent. On both the sides, some sort of sin was ripening in therir hearts. Sonal was also different now and that all was due to her newly mounting feelings with her new cricket hero-Anand.
They both had already come beyond limits during the last Holi festival. Rather, carnal adventure was becoming their need now. The festival of colours added sensuousness in them and there was seemingly no come back but more and more indulgence was in the offing.


14/INDOOR ENCOUNTER

Anand’s another encounter was more real but thrilling. Since both of them developed desirability for each other and the graph of intimacy advanced moment by moment, day by day how, they started inventing fantasies to come close.
It was horrible heat stroke that Friday as it was the month of game.So the cricketers (since parents always objected) decided not to go to Goberiya field that evening. But in the mind of Anand some other ‘cricket’ was being played. It was going to be an indoor cricket. Between two individuals only on the bed, no fielder was required for that game even any empire. Anand in his deep heart, felt very strongly of Sonal and in the scorching sun. He took his bicycle and paddled fast. He wanted to reach his destination as early as possible. He contemplated …it was right time to jump into the running train. The train of erotica was in full speed leaving all the stations, even big junctions on the way... not taking any halt no red light.... all green, green & ever green signals. For that moment he thought, as if thousands and thousands of green flags are wavering giving him entry in the golden gates of heaven, of his desired fairy-queen land...As if two human size unlike poles were going to meet at the point of fortune. It was a call of the wild....!
Anand soon reached his paradise. His search engine stopped and Sonal's house was the end point. The water from the bathroom was coming out and the sound of beating of clothes was being heard mixed with the hot.... blowing air.... He was little bit relaxed for a while, reaching the house without any hurdle but soon his face become pale. This was postman's time. He wanted to knock the door, what for? He thought within himself. Had he anything to deliver at that odd hour? To his relief he soon saw some letters already delivered by postman. There were three letters two post card and an envelop indicating name of the address and emblem of. Rakhi time...event of tying threads on brother’s hand...! The green gate was closed.... also windows... transparent curtains of upper story, were shining by glittering sunlight. There was a small shrub of ‘Karonda’, covered by tree- guard! And very close to it was sleeping a brown hairy pup...who waged its tail just after seeing him. Fortunately it did not bark like its seniors.
The letters outside the terrace were scattered on the trace of dust, as throwing letters was a usual practice of postman... he usually do not want to disturb the inmates, particularly ladies at this time. Anand for a moment was mentally in the state of fix but at the same time his other self wanted him to knock the door immediately... without delay..... He could not restrain.
He was certain; Sonal must be alone today.... His lady Midas must be eager to hear the knock.
He knocked. True to his expectation Sonal opened the door. Before that, there was a slow movement & voice of her 'noon-dream' lady... who is there? And as soon as he replied with trembling words... it is I'm, I'm Anand, the door opened half and behind it, what Anand could see was beyond his any flight of imagination beyond and beyond. Sonal in most bold and beautiful posture!, as if a fairy queen just appeared from an unknown world in her latest escapade. She was in her white semi-transparent petticoat, half-wet filtering her nudity. Her She-elephant’s- trunk like legs were visible to him. Her breasts were in the shady area and the upper portion of half curved bosoms were battling, compressing the middle line to expose. It was a real golden deer for Anand and the hunting was in prospect.
Anand's penetrating eyes, filled with lustful desire also made her amenable for anything... Rather it was her inner urge to meet Anand in privacy. She had a penchant for him and the moment she opened the door at the odd hour, she became breathless. No words in her mouth! But a light stirring in the body was there. She was alone in the house and that too in the semi-nude condition. It was certainly her inviting posture.
As a matter of fact since long she was thinking of calling him for English tuition. That idea cooked in her often, after she felt some sort of closeness with him. She intended to appear for graduation as a private candidate after a gap of two years due to her marriage. Anyway her dream came true and her cricket hero was before her eyes...!
Did he come to collect the cricket-kit his team left regularly... but why at this time... it’s very odd hour of the day. The game starts around four O' clock in the evening and this was a hot midday time... He must be going to meet some relative. One question after another, and then, Sonal suddenly told Anand to wait for a little while, from behind the half open door. She could not hide her smile and moved little inside in the right direction. He thought for a moment… must be in the bathroom side. She indirectly communicated without words that ‘she was going to change her cloth and after that she will come back to meet to him again in formal sari and blouse as a house wife’ ... Anand was also busy in his train of thoughts, but his twinkling eyes followed her. His heart was coming out... He was restless. His hunt was going showing him back. The 'inside hunter' of Anand became red-alert... She left the door already open and her fast rhythmic body movement on the Kota stone floor was in Anand's eye…. the inner portion connecting bath room. The way became slippery due to the fall of water drops coming out of her wet body, clothes and long open hairs.
He took no time to come inside the house without her permission and with broken and wavy words he followed her - 'Bhabhi, where are you going F..i..r..s..t listen.. I have... urgent work... and before she took some more steps and reached inside bathroom, Anand crossed the passage speedily and took her completely in his arms. It was a very strong grip and without wasting time he put his hot lips over her vibrating lips. His eyes were hot. He was smearing her lips with deep kisses. He employed his total body force and cupped her bosoms, tightened his clamping arms. The body of Sonal was totally surrendered with closed eye, spell bound. Her mind for that moment was... under the influence of her young lover. She was resting on his shoulders... she did not know what was happening to her...!Although she was (in her unconscious mind) prepared for this moment.., she suddenly became conscious of her existence and family status, just behind ten steps the door was opened, she applied little force… separated herself form Anand in fear of consequence, after a while, her lips and eyes were in discipline and Anand moved little away from her leaving her completely... not understanding anything... what happened to him but the game was played… Some street beggar was playing in Rawanhattha (Desert harp) at little distance … soft melody of desert, outside. But inside the house, the wilderness changed the world of two individuals for ever.
She could utter only few words.’Anand, it is not good. You should not have done it. Please now, you go... don't come again." Sonal told him in little harsh tone. He really left. He was in a state of vacuum…while leaving Sonal's home… he was lost in some other world.


15/THE GREAT VICTIM
There is nothing new and unfair in this game of love. Even it happed once with the creator of the universe. The lord Bramha himself became a victim of this concealed pleasure of life. After creating his own daughter Saraswati, he was fascinated by her unparallel and exceptional beauty. Very charming and starred her with his evil eyes. The daughter sensing wrong in her father's eyes changed her direction but to her surprise in all four directions, her father was there staring at her with his lustful eyes by put-thing four faces on his neck to fulfil his desire. The nude Saraswati was beyond his imagination, although she was his own creation. Out of sensuous feeling he wanted to pursue her and for safeguard he made himself a wild deer her daughter deer and in that guise the creator of the cosmos played the game of sex with his own creation. On seeing this all the gods of heaven assembled and opposed the heinous act of lord Bramha and complained to the lord Shiva, the Pashupatinath, who out of his anger destroyed the neck of the deer indulged in the copulation with the female deer... this event caused new formation of a universal body known as Mrigashira Naskhastra (Star) out of the neck of the deer... such stories and events of heaven and this world illustrates that whatever happening surrounding us is not necessarily to be branded as sin, may be it is abnormal, unnatural and beyond acceptance in human society.
Anand could not sleep whole the night as he was not able to free himself from the images bouncing his head, With that the hard tone of Sonal's voice, telling him, not to come again, anytime in future, was also carcinogenic…What he did was perhaps the pre-destined liability to disaster. He was feeling himself alienated from rest of the world and thought for a moment of going away far from the city... wandering in search of peace. He moved aimlessly here and there on his bicycle... went to Railway Station, Public Park near the black statue of the old ruler of the city, even to Zoo and outside the city skirt to Bhairav Temple,It was burning in the scorching heat since the Bhairav temples did not have roofs. It was also in a state of ruin... The deserted place, where no one visited in normal time... one old kettle-drum and the beating stick still left unattended in the dark, locked but broken door of the temple. He found no peace anywhere, because from inside he was feeling himself like a moving corpse...
Anyway, day broke with the golden light of the sun with a promise to all creatures that they could go ahead with their ideas to make life more comfortable and worth living, but Anand was still not normal. In the home his Nana asked him about his tea and called him twice for some urgent work. He unwillingly left his bed, went down the stairs... had his one cup of tea, without brushing his teeth and wanted to go back to his separate study room, but was stopped by his grand mother (Nani). She smelled from his dull posture and sleepless eyes that there was something wrong with him.
She told him – ‘Sit down, my son. What happened to you since yesterday? You are not well... you came late in the night... what is the problem? Any thing happened wrong in your college? Any teacher told you something? Are you worried about the fees? What's wrong Anand? Tell me what's that which is troubling you. You have never hidden anything from me... your cricket friends also enquired about you in the last evening, late in night... and again today morning when you were slept. ! Did you fight with anybody yesterday?’
Anand was silent; he kept his head bent for sometime without answering, went back to his room, and locked himself again from inside!
His Nani was worried. She called immediately his distant uncle from the nearby Haveli, discussed about the unpaid fees of his college…also for replacement of old cycle with the new one. for which he fought his father few days back , they all wanted to talk to him, but he kept his door closed... simply told all of them one thing, that... he was not well, he will be alright after some time and ‘not to be disturbed’ him any more! It unnecessarily became rig morale.
By ten o'clock, three senior members of his cricket team came to see him but he told every one of them to meet at the play ground Gobariya field in the evening where he would definitely reach before the match begins.
The cricket match was decided between two strong tams. Anand was the Vice Captain of the match from his side... The other team of sikka masfid boys gave them the challenge and declared in advance that in the first one day - cricket of twenty over each, Anand's team would be defeated badly... With the challenge they also proposed for a running shield (prize from their side which will go to the winning team..!) For that match Anand's presence and active participation was necessary and without him, his team was not in a position to accept the challenge of the other team...
The position of Anand was little bit in gloomy as he was not interested to talk to anyone... his friends were worried and around one o'clock at the noon he received a message from his captain Vilas that they would postpone the match for some other date, as - he was not feeling well. The message Anand got in writing and the letter was dropped from some side hole of his study room which he locked from inside. By that time, the stage had reached that everyone from his home started a detachment campaign against him and he was left unnoticed... and unheard and even his morning breakfast was also put outside his room.
When Anand read the slip of Vilas, he got up from the bed, brushed his teeth, washed his mouth, changed clothes, came out of the room, placing the breakfast on the table finishing... and without talking to anyone in the home... he went directly to vilas house. He was bit normal and told Vilas that he would reach before the time in the match and they postpone the match... they would win the shield... both the young players shook hands and within no time, all the other members of cricket team gathered and every body started crying and jumping in happy mood.
"What happened to you Anand...? His close friend Vilas enquired.
"Oh, nothing it is the tension of my physics practical classes which I am not attending regularly - Anand told him a lie.
"But for that, you were so serious?
"Because I left two important practical classes.... they would not be repeated? Anand told...
"O.K. lets play cricket today, we will meet the principal for your extra practical classes. Vilas assured him like a senior sportsman. He was the nephew of the principal of his college...
They laughed together. The match was certainly to be played then. There was no question of any postponement ... but... And that "but" for Anand, was a big BUT. Sonal had forbid him to see her home in future after the yesterday noon incident... and there was a challenge and pressure of his team before him as a cricketer... to go to Goberiya field...! What to do, what not to do... Anand was in a state of "to be or not to be...! Between the unfortunate incident and his promise to play cricket for his team....! Both were in conflicting terms. Anand was feeling himself quite unable to solve the puzzle, but the match was definitely to be played...!
Against his promise, Anand did not reach Goberiya field before the cricket match started .By sheer chance Anand's team won the toss and they decided to bat first. That was necessary because Anand was not only a good bats man but the opener bowler of their team. He had the capacity to change the trend of the game and after his captain Vilas, Anand was the only hero of his cricket lovers, as well as the audience specially of girls & ladies. His not reaching in time, worried Vilas and his team, but since he had promised they thought he would definitely there. His position in the batting order was at two down but as a middle batsman he always scored good run and made his team to reach a comfortable position and even, by bad luck, any awkward situation arrived, he would compensate and recover his team's position, then & there by his brilliant bowling for which he was number one in his city.
After the toss the game started. The pavilion end was the side of Sonals house. Very close to that there were three khejari and one peepal tree under the shades the players and audience of cricket game witnessed, enjoyed and participated in the most popular game of city youngsters.
Unfortunately in the very first over the opening batsman returned to pavilion without opening the account and the second over also proved fatal taking the most precious wicket of the captain Vilas…The beginning was not only devastating but it created terror among the players of Goberiya side..The Sikka’s open attack and the way the bowling was offensive, almost made the picture clear before every one that the game was decided in the favour of the guest team.
Anand had not yet come… his position in the bating was in the second down and the anxiety among the players as well in the audience was creating nervousness…They never thought that such a bad condition can arrive in the very beginning… at least Vilas was such a strong batsman that his going back to pavilion in duck was out of anybody’s mind…but that happened…and the entire team was on the mercy of Anand who was not there …Nobody knew what happened to him..?Why he did not come…he promised to his captain that he would reach before starting the match …but he had not reached even when their position was in doldrums…
Sonal in her heart also felt bad. If Anand was not participating in the cricket-match, she was responsible for that…Anand was not coming to play at the crucial hour when his team required him badly. She again and again thought of yesterday noon incident. She was partly responsible for the happening. The situation was out of control for both of them…her coming out of bathroom in such an exciting posture could create anything…and Anand was no exception…what he did with her was not un-natural in those odd hours and when no one was there. except herself…rather it was she who invited him to act in such a manner…and that developed overwhelming desire in him for her…his youth inside him insisted him for the advancement…he was aroused…because of her inviting gestures…she was since long thinking to call him for tuition with definitely some hidden intention of fulfilling her own amorous desires...rather Anand un necessarily became a guinea pig
Sonal was feeling a sort of guilt in her...as she was solely responsible for Anand’s not turning to his most favorable cricket game… and at the time when he was in great demand…when his team needed him badly…Sonal was out of her bounds…and immediately called for Ganesh the extra-player of Goberiya team and told him to go to Anand requesting from her side that he must come without delay to save his team…Ganesh took the message of Sonal to Anand…delivered it…and to everyone’s surprise Anand was there …as if he was waiting for that moment in his life…He joined his falling team and scored a century in the remaining overs and made the position of his team very strong…
With his inner zeal and unknown enthusiasm his bowling attack on the opposite team was also marvelous that sent the entire team of Sikka Masjid out in ninety runs…God only knew what motivational factor was working all this behind..? The Sikkas rolled out due to the terror created by Anand both in bating and bowling…Perhaps Anand only knew who was behind his forceful performance.
Every one took him in arms. Vilas was the happiest person...even the players from the opposite team commended his contribution…after their victory the audience was thrilled. They clapped for Anand and danced… It was a real good cricket they enjoyed in their life...

Sonal was speechless…her eyes closed…her heart was dancing. She had seen a real Anand that day…Anand her hero…she could not stop herself congratulating him for the extra-ordinary brilliance and Dexter he had shown to turn the loosing battle into the historic victory for his team. Coming forward and taking the due advantage of the occasion she even invited Anand to come her home next day…for a cup of tea…something still exciting was there in Sonal’s home. Anand accepted the invitation…

16/ SLEEPLESS NIGHT
It was a sleepless night for Anand but with the changed meaning…
Sonal had called him for tea the very next day of his triumph of his cricket team. Was there still cooking something in her mind… and the gap of these two days might have changed her mind about the incident of the previous noon …In case she had told anything to N.M ?
All that mis- happening …and N.M might be interested to talk to him…the same fat and strong P.T.I. teacher who allowed them to play in the Goberiyafield and helped them to the extent of getting free cricket-kit from his school games room, just to encourage cricket at his personal cost… his mind immediately reacted to his own stream of ideas.. In the yesterday game Anand did not see Sonal’s husband…was he not in the city or might have gone to Shivbari with his friends to enjoy Bhang (intoxicant)
He also thought of his prospective tea time. Morning was fixed for tea at his home. N.M mostly goes late to his job. Rather N.M tells everone that the government job is a pension with a facility of full pay, allowances and increments… Anand was in his thoughts, was peddling his bicycle with deadly slow speed…not in a hurry to reach Sonal’s house today as compared to that scorching mid-day time when everything had gone out of his mind. He knew no boundaries…he was perhaps under some influence of ghost who had taken a ride on him and made him a victim of his vicious designs…when Sonal told him not to come again. It was because His act was such…not at all noble. It was not expected of him…as he belonged to a highly respected family…where her father- in-law had served as elephant keeper…! Was anything of the kind could be expected from Guru’s family. No…never..! But it happened …how …only god known perhaps…Anand reached Sonal’s home…little late then never..!
And to his surprise…Sonal was waiting for him outside her home. She was washed collecting clothes from string. He sourced the bicycle bell to call her attention, and both of them smiled. She was in parrot-green sari with a matching blouse…beautiful Mogra fresh flower on her serpent coiled hair style. Was her husband in the home? He asked himself- just kept his bicycle under the shelter of the Khejari tree…it was a shady tree. The pavilion of his players…Anand thought for a while… he will apologize for his shameful act of previous day and will not take tea but say thanks ,goodbye and go back to his earlier ways of pretending of practical class? No sooner did he pre meditate all this in his mind, Sonal’s husband Nandumaharaj came out from inside the house and told him to enjoy tea and Rasgulla’s (sweets) with his Bhabhi (Sonal) in his absence since he was going for some urgent meeting in the Inspector of schools. He took his left hand in his two folded hands in a rushing way and in a joking mood congratulated him for his yesterday’s wonderful game…he again told him almost running that if Anand sat for an hour he might come back and join him in the second round of tea…and before Anand wanted to tell him anything…he just left…waving his heavy hairy hand…as if giving Anand a green signal of still exploring some hidden treasure-trove to the best of his advantage.
‘Come Anand.why are you late today? I have been waiting for you since morning…our first tea time is around 8.30…when my husband leaves for his school…’-Sonal told him.
‘Yes I also got up late…Bhabhi.I have only come for an apology…I really feel extremely sorry for what I did …day before…You will please excuse me …I will not take tea today…I have my practical class early …I have to leave I’ll come next time …any other day…Bhabhi I only want to hear from you that you have pardoned me for the misdeed. ’Anand expressed his guilt in a very broken and dull way.
Sonal smiled in a very soft manner…and with a slight flash in her eyes she told Anand—-‘O.K…Please relax now…I have invited you for tea…and your P.T.I Guruji wanted that you should be greeted with Rasgulla…he personally brought from the market for you Anand…Please Relax…now I have nothing in my mind…Anand now feel normal. Forget everything…like I have forgotten…come inside. I have prepared tea…Your yesterday batting and bowling been great…three wonderful six, uncounted boundaries and bowling…? I have never seen you playing like this… Anand I have become your permanent fan’… Sonal became little bit emotional…then suddenly she took her another stand….She told him-‘I will only pardon you when you will accept to come to teach me English everyday…I have already taken permission for that from your Guruji…’
Anand and Sonal settled in the drawing room…On the left side of the wall there was a painting depicting Omer Khaiyam’s very common theme of his poetry...love...wine and woman…Anand stared at the painting and Sonal served him tea… a with golden design glass bowl of Rasgulla and Bikaneri snacks..
‘Anand… when is your practical? Sonal asked him.
‘Oh it’s not today’…He replied.
‘But you told me for today? She questioned.
‘I pretended. I told you lie’.
‘You also lie?’
‘Sometimes ’
‘Sometimes…means..?’
‘Whenever feel something beyond my limit.’
‘But what was the limit here?’
‘I was again and again feeling myself guilty’.
‘You need not feel anything of that sort…and now finally I want your reply…are you coming to teach me English from tomorrow..?’
‘From tomorrow..?’
‘Yes I am appearing this time for my graduation exam’s…’
‘But then how I can teach you? I have never taught anyone in my life before’…
‘Your English is very good…that I know’.
‘But that’s not enough…Bhabhi…’
‘O.K I will tell you how you can teach me’…Sonal smiled and then all of a sudden she told Anand to come with her as they were going to a new good place…
‘You mean we are going out of the home…Shall I take my bicycle? Anand questioned innocently.
‘We are going to our uncle’s house…that has a beautiful airy basement. It will be good for our studies’ Sonal just stood up…. took old ring of keys hanging on the wall and came out of home. Anand simply followed her not knowing what all was to happen…?

All this moment he had another girl in his mind. His college friend Shaheen, and if had been almost six month over that both of them entered into the dragon of sex. The fire of lust was such that they were ready to die in it. It was becoming a game of 'Shama and Parwana'. Anand could not understand, what temptation must have part him on two parallel boats to appease his sexual appetite day after day unfortunately his relation with Shaheen ended in his self created exile and social isolation.


17/SCHOOL OF LOVE AND GAME OF MAGIC MIRRORS

The Haveli was grand… made of red stones; the carving of the windows was marvelous and the opening gate was very massive. All the portions of the building were locked including the basement, which had two side openings towards the roadside.
Sonal unlocked the main gate and after turning to the right side she asked Anand to help for opening the wooden cover of the basement which was directly connected through its descending stairs. The cover was not very heavy and Anand opened it without much difficulty. From the left side of the interior veranda blue sky was spread like a big blank sheet covering the square of the open space having four side walls with intricate Jharokha’s opening towards the open area of the house. There were scattered houses here and there but another building which was a replica of Sonal’s uncle’s Haveli was just standing diagonally opposite at the little distance belonging to Chhabeeli, a famous prostitute of her time, and after that imposing building there was a long valley stretched up to the renowned temple of Laxminarayan…
When Anand asked Sonal about the similarity of these two attractive architectural grandeurs, she told him that his uncle who was Architecture, first made the haveli for his beloved, the prostitute and then for himself …He gifted the haveli to his beloved as a token of their love.
After opening the lid of such an interesting history and romantic chapter Sonal descended the basement. Anand followed her. He followed her .Since Sonal had the idea of the semi-circular stairs almost absorbed in the darkness...she insisted Anand to step carefully. not touching the right hand wall because the plaster of the wall was very old and it was losing it’s ground…She also told Anand to wait for a little time when they reached the last step.. But due to his hurried action and not following her instructions properly, Anand jumped over the last but one wooden stairs and fell on Sonal’s back who had taken left turn by that time. That irregular step ended into another round of his arms, taking Sonal’s incomplete charge unknowingly in his fold…but with a new word-‘ sorry’ he just freed her and stood in darkness…Sonal told him to wait till she opened the windows..
It was a very normal move in the dark... when side windows were opened light yellow beams of filtered light fell on the carpeted floor…the fishes floating in the beautiful garden tank surrounded by heavy bushes…the motifs of the carpet were in Persian blue color .The design was fantastic. Sonal told him. We may make that table our study-table…the window behind it opens a beautiful panorama of the valley. Sonal and Anand enjoyed each other’s company in the old haveli…Sonal told him about those strange human size fantasy mirrors of haveli which shown the viewer’s image in different typical shapes and disproportionate sizes. These antique mirrors were brought from France, Germany and Belgium… She also told the story of one of the mirrors now not with her, brought from some magician of France which would show the nude image of any person standing before. It blessed and cursed the viewer to enjoy impossible things of the material world but limited his or her age for five years... and after that mirror had gone back to the magician…Sonal told Anand that the life of his uncle and his beloved Chhabeeli, the prostitute ended in five years after the possession of the magic mirror and since then no one else in India had tried to possess that mirror…Even the haveli was not in use for two generations because there was no issue of her uncle...and that building naturally came to her father who was his younger brother…After her marriage it was gifted as dowry to my husband by my father... The story of haveli and magical mirrors impressed Anand deeply and he believed in every word of the tale. Rather Anand was excited to have visited such a place…He was lost in his prospective of fantasies that were directly related to his being a tutor of English and about Sonal as his student…sitting close to him…they closed themselves in the basement the new world of adventures opened before them…!
He had opened another window of his adolescence as he was not able to control his emotions. At such occasions he passed through most volatile, indecisive and difficult times. Between Sonal and Shaheen he had to travel on rope dotted with disturbed peaks and valleys. He was already attracted towards Shaheen his first love a the true of her breast budding. With Sonal at the verge of adult status he passed through a critical phase of strangeness and paradox of attiudes.
Anand by now had already entered his college life… His going to Goberiya field for playing cricket became occasional and he started playing for his college team…The junior members of early cricket days still called him whenever there was some match with other city teams… But his going to Sonal became more than a regular activity since he started taking her tuitions at her home and in the basement of haveli…these two points became his new pavilion ends of different type of cricket which he started playing with Sonal.
During these summer days of vacations, all seven days of the week from Monday to Saturday Anand and Sonal enjoyed life in its own way. That was the beginning but the game seemed ever lasting and ever living. Although Anand was not a fresher but he was in the safe and experienced hand. Sonal being careful and intelligent in handling the situation… and since Anand was fully depending on her, for pleasure, he had to wait patiently… sometimes he lost this patience, and had to return to pavilion without scoring single run( without meeting her or seeing even a glance). He took balls at half-bally (met her on the middle of the road) drove straight, sending ball to boundaries in all possible directions and enjoying the game with full spirit.(made all attempts to meet her where ever he could meet her). They attracted to each other still the attraction was not the guarantee of smooth sailing.
Their mixed fantasies of body heart and mind included regular and irregular time to start the ‘tuition’, ‘exercised’ to learn new words and brand-new acts of transforming body language.… there was enough scope to know the un-known… there were adequate possibilities to find ideas.. there was tremendous hope to touch heights…there were devices, means, desires, efforts and in build confidence to make anything happen because the biggest asset which both of them possessed was surfing youth of their sea like life which was beyond and beyond…
Sonal’s husband Nandu Maharaj on contrary, always acted mechanically in his sex matters, not caring for his partner Sonal, only after his one sided act he wanted undisturbed sleep… as if it was his birth right. Nandu was observing that routine practice since his marriage. Sonal initially accepted the reality as part of her life…she had no complaint from husband and her instead of reacting to her husband’s style of life ,she even under the narcisstic behaviour of her husband, produced two kids… as a house wife ,respected elders, performed her duties and lived life of a normal lady.
It’s only after her first eye to eye contact, attraction and encounter with Anand, Sonal started thinking beyond her limits…beyond her home…and within the shortest span of time her life took the reverse direction a U- turn…Particularly after the ‘noon – incident’ her life totally changed…she felt more and more closed to Anand…her relations and feeling for her husband malformed…She all of a sudden became another lady…another Sonal took birth in her. Her body language ,her heart, her mind was in a state of transition…Perhaps for all this Anand….only Anand was responsible….the young innocent Anand was behind this. Fortunately the game was being played between two individuals…and no third man ever took a notice of it…
Were they lucky…? Was it not wrong…? Was it at all justified? These entire questions perhaps required no answer… may be the answer was also not justifying… who knows..! Both of them were fullfledged members of society but their thinking and actions denied the norms of society. It was an experience of learn to live in a new mode of life.
The haveli was a beautiful place... On the extreme left side there was a sofa-set and in the corner a rounded table with a Type-writer Remington... a big wooden tray placed properly on the mat. Perhaps that could be their study- table, It was the ‘first teacher’s day in Anand’s life and his only student Sonal…Incidentally Anand needed some plain papers for planning the curriculum of the study and immediately opened the big drawer of the side table lying below the Elmira. To his excitement what he had seen was not expected by him…A big bunch of nicely finished erotic paintings were lying in the drawer…Anand immediately closed; he came back to his study table where his disciple Sonal was waiting.
‘What were you searching in that drawer..?’ She asked.
‘It’s nothing,’ actually I needed some plain papers I thought …Anand did not complete his sentence, but he was interrupted by Sonal-“.In the drawer there are some filthy paintings…don’t see them, these are the paintings of the same prostitute Chhabeeli…who was my uncle’s kept..”
“Well I have not seen them yet but these seem to be in numerous…done by some grand - master.’’Anand could not stop himself telling his mind.
“Yes they are…the painter was some Usta… he was the painter of the royal family but when he heard about the magic mirror of my uncle… he approached him and wanted to experiment the truth of mirror…his uncle told him about what high price he was supposed to pay for merely knowing the truth of mirror …the painter out of curiosity agreed to pay the price .It was nothing but the life of painter’’…Sonal was telling such an interesting story to Anand. that he never thought of ,even in his imagination. Her words created a reality
‘So you mean to say the painter had to pay his life as price to face the mirror.’Anand asked.
‘Yes all three of them…but the result was the innumerable collection of paintings which came out as the wealthiest collection of it’s time…All three of them became renowned art collectors of that time and earned name fame and wealth …My uncle,Chhabeeli and the Usta painter died on the same date after five years of seeing their image in the mirror…The death was also not natural… All three of them consumed wine beyond their capacity at Chabeeli’s kothi…Chabeeli that night danced exclusively for my uncle against the wishes of the Maharaja of the state… who invited her to his palace for dancing in the celebration of his birthday. She rejected Maharajas offer but she adorned her body with Solah Sringar and danced for her uncle…Unfortunately, all three of them could not see the next day light…their intimacy took their life…
The morning funeral was attended specially by Maharaja’s chief of army-cum-A.D.C, to give honor to all three of them…’’ Sonal also told Anand about the background of these paintings…only few of them are still lying… Carelessly as nobody takes interest in them…and including herself considers these paintings filthy and obscene….in some of these rare paintings, the face of Chhabeeli and her erotic nude beauty was exposed by Usta artist…It was interesting to know that the Usta artist did most of his nude works ,seeing reflections of Chhabeeli in mirror who modelled for him…For that she did not expose her body before the artist and remained in her normal attires but the magic mirror showed her naked , artist drew her from a different angle and the paintings were finished in such a perfect manner by the color strokes that these became master works of that time .Besides all this the haveli of his uncle became art-studio.extremely private and privileged work of very high quality was executed there and was sold to rich people at exorbitant price.


18/LADY OF MIDAS
After discovering a new den for their activities, Anand had good number of regular and irregular classes conducted by his lady teacher. Now it was not seven days in week. Initially it was decided that he would teach the lady some fundamentals of English just to make her base strong as she intended to appear for her Board examinations the current year. But from the very first day she changed her role and instead of her role as student she became a teacher of her ‘love- parrot’ and started coaching him…iloo-iloo, I..l,,o..v…e.. You! Anand was in golden cage of romance. He was learning new lessons everyday…If called for extra class, he would come running.The curriculum was only for practical periods since there was no need of any theory there.…. The school was so typical that it had only one student and one teacher… both made for each other...no black-board… no attendance register...no fees…no boring studies... no set timings...everything was decided between those two individual; the teacher and the taught…and he was so badly involved in its curriculum that the school became his life... as if he was born for it .. as if the instructor...definitely his lady –teacher, had come on earth only to teach him every details of sex…it was a natural, most appropriate learning and teaching game ,where perhaps both the parties learnt from each other .Yes that was more like a game…even a ‘game-century.’
The tail end of this story: Parents of both the parties were well connected. Sonal… her name was printed in the latest edition of new ‘sex-ford- dictionary’…she was his lady Midas… she was his body… she was his heart... she was his mind …she was anything and everything to him on the earth .He would not think of anything beyond her, they were two bodies in one soul... their psycho-somatic separation was only a biological- worldly known fantasy.. Anatomy was a destiny for him.
Perhaps there was some Freud hidden in them…in the body and soul of both the individuals… that was shaping their behavior... Anand and Sonal ‘were destined by their dissimilar bodies to develop different needs and abilities and to play distinctive part in life... Yes that is briefly about their golden days…and to prove that they never gone wrong…!
Anyway both Anand and Sonal started sailing well…Once his Nana visited his home after a long gap and expiry of warrant against him. He got to know that Anand was engaged as tutor to Sonal who was daughter of Kishanji married to Nandu P.T.I, son of Nathia, their old elephant keeper…the only thing his Nana expected of Anand was that, he should not take any tuition fees from Sonal, who was like his ‘sister’!
At one Sunday after noon when Anand was about to leave for Sona’ls house his Nana called for him and wanted to know where he was going. Anand did not tell lie. He told him that he went to teach English to wife of Nandumaharaj in Dhheenganiabasti.
“I knew you go there regularly…I simply wished, you don’t charge tuition fees from your sister Sonal. Her mother was almost a family member and father was our disciple”-told his Nana to Anand. …He only nodded in affirmation…but one word ‘sister for Sonal’ uttered by his Nana was creating trouble in his mind…and all the way, while paddling the bicycle…he fought mentally against the conservative system of attaching stigma to any sort of relation…Anand knew in his heart of hearts, long ago he had already broken that stigma of sisterhood at least with Sonal…although he principally agreed to the point of not charging tuition fees in cash, as he had already charged the same in ‘kind’ .With the word ‘kind’,there was a little smile on his face which he himself did not like.. .It reflected his cunningness. A sort of feeling against his Nana , whom he respected too much. But from inside he knew, he was on the immoral track…against the norms of society…breaking all the barriers of his family traditions…and what not..?
His Nana left for Mewar after meeting all the members of his family. At that time his country was on the verge of freedom.

…. …. …. ….. ……..

‘So you have come. (It was a spell-bound meeting after parting, reconciliation after the first battle) Nice .I forgot to tell you, my mother and Papa also knew your Nana’--Sonal told him, when he reached next day. She had been working hard for several weeks on a project of cleaning and decorating the house .For that she brought some wall hangings (paintings) and old toys from her father’s house .Her father was no more interested in keeping the old valuable collection of his Grand parent’s time.. Even he wanted to dispose of his antique furniture and told Sonal several time to take anything she liked as he had nobody except her and he was passing through his fag end of life. Sonal took only some good paintings and toys which her grand father had brought from Paris along with that magic mirror…and she was planning to decorate them properly. For which she called Anand early in the morning to help her in decorating her house…and he was there.
‘Yes my Nana also told me only yesterday that you're Mom and Papa had taken some short of ‘Deekhsha from my grand Nana in our haveli…’Anand told her.
‘Do you also have interest in your family’s Tantra tradition? She just asked out of curiosity.
‘I am too young to practice that’-He told.
‘Still you must have known something from your parents?
‘I am told that Tantra practice asks for no faith in advance…
‘How it can be?
‘Because it is self verifying…’
‘It is related to sex? She asked a direct question with a smile.
‘I am told it believes in enjoyment …material and spiritual both…
‘Did your Nana teach you anything practical? She was curious in more things.
As a matter of fact even my Nana was entirely a man of new ideas…You know…he is in touch with the revolutionaries…!’Anand informed her out of any context…but that all did not attract Sonal much…what was she really liked was the old and rich heritage of her country…and she was from her childhood thought of taking some Deeksha of Tantra from a reliable Guru (spiritual teacher)..She had heard of one good Tantric , belonging to an old township Phalodi near Jodhpur…but she was keeping all that in her mind and did not think it proper to discuss in details these things as it was advised by her father ..
‘I don’t know Anand I don’t like the revolutionaries…Please don’t take it otherwise.’ She told him. Her frank opinion but within seconds of her expression she became conscious…She realized she was unnecessarily criticising Anand’s Nana indirectly and she felt sorry for that.
‘Do you know my Nana- ? Questioned Anand the very moment she gave her opinion about revolutionaries and without caring for her answer he told her –‘Bhabhi my Nana is not of that brand of revolutionaries…as you people thought about…He is..’
And before the discussion on revolutionaries would take any serious turn, Sonal surprised him by telling—‘O.K, I have taken my words back…but now onward request you…Anand please don’t tell me Bhabhi…call me Sonal…call me by my name…’ and that simple sentence uttered by Sonal traveled miles long in the heart and mind of Anand…he was not expecting such a turn in his life in so short a span…!
Sonal was nailing a big wall hanging of Dhola-Maru, the folk tale based special embroidery work done by some master-craft’sman and for that she also needed help .Anand also smelled the absence of N.M and children in the house as Sonal’s behavior was very informal and intimate, still, as a good gesture he asked about N.M and her children—‘Where are children gone…? Is your husband also not at home..? Since long I have not seen Baba (everyone in the home called Nathiya by Baba) for a long time.
Anand’s enquiries seemed very long...and to brief all that Sonal with a cunning smile and inviting gestures of amorous embrace, liberating her arms free like a bird replied—‘Today on earth we are only two …Anand you know …I love you…I have spent sleepless nights after that noon, you took me in your strong arms’-her words were rolling in passion...She was sucking her lips, her eyes straying about like fish in the aquarium…she was wearing flower in her hair…her breasts showing in eagerness and in jumping mood…she was touching her pallu again and again as to avoid its slip from her girdle.
Anand was seeing a different woman in Sonal today... some dream of total surrender for Anand was in her heart.
It was a cloudy noon and since morning raining .Sonal’s husband N.M had gone to Jaipur on tour for a week with his school sports team for inter-district tournaments…her children to city in her distant cousin’s home. The changed situation made their togetherness more intense.
The rain was now splashing doors and windows of the house and the sound of thunder was making the environment romantic. That was the most exciting moment when he came down from the big size stool, towards the sofa cum bed lying in the semi dark corner …her arms thrown in the air, eye’s half open…lips displaying two rose petals …inviting him by full of feelings.

Anand could not stop himself from surrendering...he was overwhelmed by such an invincible call…a daring and dancing demand from the deepest passions…designed for pleasure. …he gave her a low blow with his right hand palm…and smiled…then another feather touch from his left palm on her cheeks…whole hand outspread…now back sides of ribs…moving fingers on the divided line of breasts and then from her fore-head to breast again he moved his fingers took, Sonal in his strong fold… kissed her lips...gone little up kissed her eyes…her neck below. gone again up...kissed her fore-head…then without waiting for anything…he took compete charge of Sonal...from his fingers going in opposite directions he advanced further…pulled and peeled her blouse off and more wildly, the red bra…Sonal told him to be little slow and keep patience…and helped him to take away her bra which was becoming a barrier in their love-game.
Anand after managing the wonderful planet called the body of a woman…gone further...more and more deep…Sonal helped him in every move…she did not oppose him for anything... Anand passionately cradled her in his arms...they exchanged deep and warm kisses, again and again… caressing each other in various positions and postures, and their emotional fervor and ardent longing merged into each other and in the process...he even stealthily loosened her lower garments… Sonal became bare nude…Anand was bare naked, he embraced her again and again and caressed various parts of her body … Sonal in her life, experienced for the first time the real excitement of love making. With Anand she explored diverse ways of enjoying sex with wide range of emotions.
Their love game gone beyond the genital stimulation. In the face to face over position Sonal slept on her back, she drawn her knees slightly upward and Anand was above her. He was very eager and excited to explore her body, she also permitted to caress, kiss every part of her body, When he sucked her breasts like a child Sonal felt deep emotional attachment but soon he indulged in rough ways of showing his lust…He was playing with his nails on her nude body and wanted to sign Anand …he bitten her breasts…Sonal resisted a bit on his this sort of act but as a true monitor gave him a deep kiss to his lips...brought his body more close. Anand was full of drive to release his sexual tensions. He kissed her vagina which gave Sonal a different stimulation. His lips again and again nibbled her erogenous zone which she allowed him freely to let him express his feelings and in a process she drawn her legs to clasp them about Anand hips increasing the angle of her lower parts and after this Anand could penetrate himself deeper and deeper into her, she spread her legs and prepared for Anand’s next move. They both repeated the same unendurable game,Anand sensed Sonal’s uncontrolled desire for deep penetration…she was close to her climax which Anand realized for the first time…-Oh Anand…ooh…What magic you are doing…she was almost crying…all sort of
Sounds characteristic response to erotic feelings cries…h..im…s..ut…dut…phu..t…dheere…dheere..maar…. diya….you will kill me like this… He tightened his grip over her nude body and started moving fast…and after some moments …they lay side by side. …they were really one…two individuals separated biologically but united mentally ,two bodies in one soul….still some fear of unknown started creeping between their distance…
Still Sonal with her closed eyes decided that she would have no one accept Anand in her life now…she put her hand over Anand’s penis and kissed him again and again silently…
‘Anand have you loved anyone in your life earlier? After coming back to normalcy Sonal asked him…believing…that must be the first encounter of him with any woman.
Anand was lost in the unknown world. He was in no mood to answer any question of Sonal at that moment…the only image of Shaheen flickered his mind for a moment but he kept eyes half closed and he was silent..!
He had experienced the real pleasure of life…as Sonal had given him free access to explore her body mind and heart in totality. He looted the sensuous treasure of a woman who earlier had a chaste life. But it’s not her fault alone…The real fault was of God, who created her for this day. She was a ‘Padmini’, the lotus lady for him...with divinely fragrant body, scared gazelle’s eyes floating lotus breasts ,her figure not too tall not too small.
This happened in a natural way: whenever there is an involvement and inter-action of opposite sexes. When these both ends meet, a realistic and genuine sentiment is expressed as long as they do not see their beloved, their one longing is for sight, when they see each other, they have only one desire to enjoy the embrace, when embraced… their one prayer is that, their two bodies made one and this way Sonal and Anand became one.
But something was still incomprehensible! Some distant images, some voices, some feelings, some memories, Anand remembered Shaheen at this Juncture poetry of CLOOGH. Moved him:
How often I sit, poring o'vr.
My strange in vain, in all my stive,
One feeling based on truth,
So fickle as it must
'T were well for others and for me
'T were dry as summer dust
(Kolayat reflected in his memory).
Excitements come, and act and speech
Flow freely truth: but no
Now they, now amight beside can ranch the bruised world below.
After a pause Sonal again asked Anand the same question "Anand have you ever loved anyone earlier in your life?
"That is possibly what I wish to talk to you about.
And after that there was silence!

19/SHE SMELT FROG IN HER HUSBAND
But severeal uneventful days passed after that meeting of Anand with lady Midas. Sonal started smelling lot of odd things in N.M, a frog in her husband and she started disliking him after she developed intimacy with Anand. She never liked her husband heavily into orthodox-religious leanings which almost kept them away from coupling. Even before and after their marriage they remained two individuals, marriage did not bring them to-gather. Their living less than one roof almost became frivolous. In the beginning of her married life she thought all that to be part of life but when she discovered Anand she changed herself and decided to submit herself totally to Anand. Actually she realized that she was not that calm woman and perhaps waiting for someone exciting in her life. After meeting Anand she had no regrets for her life and followed whatever her instincts ordered her.
She was not ready to cook back as a traditional woman since Anand filled in her new adventures of life and perhaps she needed since it was the call of her wildness. She felt-always a win-win situation with Anand and developed a new love making skill and bedroom quotient with him.
It was an indulgence after 5-6 years of her dull marriage life having no chemistry with her husband. After meeting Anand, there was a great change in her. She would go again and again against mirror and whisper-‘Oh you are the most beautiful woman on earth for Anand …your skill…your intelligence is superb…how long you have wasted your life for such an amphibian braved husband as yours…! Where in wrong direction your fate had taken this youthful beauty so long? Till now everything was vulgar and cheap in her life…without blood… without skin …bare mass of body.’ She felt as if she was crying in shame for a long time and there was no body listened to her cries…but then came Anand …On the contrary Anand was an original guy life like, with whom she was feeling constant flow of love and wild passionate sex .He was a silent traveller but a graphic lover. His acts were mind blowing, which stopped her to have any judgment about his sexual spirits. On opposite side Nandu had everything but proper sex, which was a fundamental tragedy. Of late she realized that she was quite insecure with him and to avoid future fights and conflicts she had to jump to another person and perhaps wooed him forever, at least mentally. He became her romantic lover and she spent her nights dreaming about him.

Cheating with her husband became a routine affair for Sonal. She was not the type of mythological woman who was weak and selfless, ready to sacrifice her own happiness in the name of husband, She was not faithful then as she reached about the edge of the believable to the woman of her new times that she was not going to accept the stereotype image of sati-savitri or earth goddess… that's why, she was driven to break the pledge of fidelity since it was the deep-rooted demand of the extra-marital affairs with Anand. She very well knew that she was someone else’s women of not a wife…the new relationship was out of all morals…but it was at the same time question of marital compatibility!...now she had gone to think beyond everything…her sleeps started losing…she came frenzy and lost all sort of shame with Anand. It was becoming a day-to-day need for both of them and it was beyond control for them now.

Romance and sex died quite earlier between Sonal and N.M. No doubt their marriage was on the rocks…Sonal had issues from N.M but she was on a regular false show of their couple-hood and kept pretentious relation with him…she was feeling being crushed day and night by him but could not plan boldly to escape…rather she fulfilled her lust by deceiving her husband as she desperately needed the company of Anand all the time. She was mentally in a stage that she did not want Anand out of sight for a moment now …She told him several times that even if he went to hell she would accompany him. There was no watchful eye from N.M on her still she felt always in chains and wanted total freedom. In their married status there was no alternative left except extra affairs. At many occasions it became crystal clear.
This goes without saying that the relation beyond marriage is not a portfolio belonging to man alone, although the reason for this all is different for men and women and in this matter it was not or never a perfect bonding between Sonal and Nandu.
For Sonal the case was different as by that time she was already a mother of two beautiful kids by Nandu but they were never apple of her eyes. For Anand it had different outcome. Since he was still a bachelor and had values stick to his traditional family, he had to think again and again about all that was happening to him... as everything was becoming out of control. ..It was clear in her mind that he was paying personal respect to Nandumaharaj and his father Nathiyaji, who had old ties with his Nana, but once he entered in the domain of Sex he was helpless. All his relations came to an end and what left was nearly the sensuous pleasure. He very well knew, he was seducing a married woman and that too, she was not a stranger…his impulse became compulsive…sometimes he would feel himself surrounded by a brooding silence…as if unable to see even beyond normal broad day light …he had certainly entered into a forbidden area…perhaps not scheming collapse any time…was it not equivalent to murder or suicide, he thought many times?
For, Sonal it was again a matter of breaking all the barriers and that too in a very normal way. Even for her children she started feeling distance. It was her very selfish and blind turn of life. She was sad with them too. She closed her eyes for anything but Anand. It was difficult for her to gouge him out now and be faithful to her spouse for all the life as she knew it was only a scriptural advice.
Their love was blind again a matter of heart and gone beyond the mind. Such relations are normally outcome of boredom. There was no feeling of guilt behaviour them. Circumstance changed or once they entered in to this new life, they never wanted to look back or adjust. Compromise was not the word in their dictionary. There titration was being conducted in a laboratory of the love god with infinitely designed burette and pipettes with the intermediate solution of unending lust. Rather it was going more mystical. The fire once kindled became more and more strong day by day as the butter oil of their lust was being added to it. They were in a state of amuck. The amorous sports of different dimensions were being played between them and that once began did not have any indication of the end. Sonal had lot to offer to Anand-- Her curvaceous body… her grace and the voluptuousness. At the time of their love making her transparent apparent displaced by the air of table fan at many occasions. The scratches on her body by his nail and teeth were like impressions of hoops of horses on the war field of epic Mahabharat as described by the great poet Ved Vyas
The relation between Sonal and Anand mostly restricted to the boundaries of house limited to two places. First was Sonal’s own home and the other was the haveli of her grand parents, where they both went as teacher and pupil. In the name of learning and coaching both of them were enjoying the wonderful world of love making. They spared no place for their game and used living rooms, kitchen, bathroom, staircase and even the store houses for their pleasure.
Although initially it started with very awkward encounter mixed with confusion and to be or not to be feeling but later it ran in its full acceptance from both sides. Their frequency of meetings increased. In the beginning, once in a while then twice a weak and ultimately they wanted it everyday. Sonal was a house wife and for Anand, as bachlor, this became a difficult proposal altogather... to some extant temporary insanity.


20/THE RAPID DECLINE


The rapid decline of his family reputation and emergence of a new society changed values of Aanand. His relations of his adolescent days with Shaheen and house wife Sonal transformed his total self into an adventure seeking youth…that period also spoiled his social image and he also felt depressed at many occasions… At the same time he was preparing for his college examinations and during this time. His Nani’s financial condition was also very rotten him. His maternal uncles were jobless but his youngest uncle was in touch with one rich family and Anand got a part time job in a Railway-canteen run by that family.
Looking at the past, this Canteen boy Anand had come a long way. It was a day of strong dusty wind noon when entire town was covered by darkness and he was busy in counting the money at the counter. Suddenly a group of agitating workers of Northen Railway Union of one faction entered the Canteen mounting slogans against the other party workers and within no time the other group unionists also entered there with hockey-sticks in hands just in a mood to give a tough fight to their opposite group…The situation became very tense and both the parties were almost ready to indulge in physical fight when Anand came forward and rationally separated them and made them to settle their differences peacefully…That was Anand’s first day of mediation and surprisingly his involvement in negotiating the rival groups boldly and diplomatically suggesting them the solutions of their problems perhaps seeded in him the new spirit of a future politician.
On the same evening when he reached home he found three elderly persons waiting for him…His Nani did not like their visit since they belonged to one outfit organization of R.S.S(Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh )and his Nani could very well assess the hidden intentions of those elderly persons who although enjoyed good standing and reputation of gentlemen ,their ultimate goal was to catch young persons like Anand and to indoctrinate them into specific ideology of R.S.S…Their coming home effected Anand’s mind so fast that he started going to evening play centre (Shakhas) of Sangh…the branch behind the Saturn temple of R.S.S became Anand’s new fascination point of life…From the fourth day of his visit to Shakha Anand was made Ghatnaik(Group leader)…soon he became Mukhya Shikhsak(Chief teacher)…and was being considered for the post of Pracharak (Advocate)…but unfortunately his relations with Shaheen were exposed. and under pressures he had to leave his city…that was the turning point of his life..He had gone far away from his loving Nani…away from Shaheen his love…away from the adventures of Sonal…away from the prospective new commitment holding the banner and commitment of Hindutva…in the Broadway .!But from his inner core of heart he also realized that his way of living life…was demanding some rational justification as he almost lived a life of a philander …and his decision of leaving home his people his city was perhaps going to be justified

21/CONFRONTED WITH THE DILEMMA
Confronted with the Dilemma, during the years of his making, Anand had a chance meeting with the maharaja Kishansingh of erstwhile princely state, Bikampur who was the leading light of Indian shootings sports, the ace-sheet shooter. A true blue royal maharaja was invited to inaugurate the newly elated students union of his college and in his honor a cricket-match was also conducted. In the match Anand’s performance was fantastic. As an opener bowler he took seven wickets including a headtric. He not only scored a century but also impressed by his batting and bowling. It was also a chance that the crowning personality of that time Indian cricket team, the captain Veenu Mankad was maharaja’s guest and he invited Anand for a cup of tea at Lalgirh Palace, the residence of Maharaja and after tea he was immediately offered a scholarship of Rs. 250 monthly for his further studies from Maharaja's personal fund. He was also told by him to be in touch with him whenever he was in town.
Anand in a very short time came close to Maharaja’s family and almost became an intimate member of his house, even to the extent that he was made incharge of Public Relations during the campaign for his Member of Parliamentary seat. It was true that he was the youngest member of his election contest which Maharaja won with brilliant margins of votes. He remained MP for 17 years.
Anand later on became interested in the shooting also since many a time he was also invited to practice the shooting skill and used to travel alloy with maharaja or her daughter for national meets, he developed deep- rooted passion for the sport. Although he never participated in any of the shooting competitions except once… he specialized in pigeon trap and skeet while practicing regularly with the Maharaja as an aid.
At that time his age was just twenty and he came out of his teens. He had developed such a strong tie with the Maharaja’s family that he was sent to participate in the 14th. All India Shooting Selection Trials held at Ahemadabad along with the Princes who set a new record of 358/400 in Air Rifle Shooting by beating her nearest rival an army man by a big margin of 33 points…and that way Anand’s performance in the selection trial was beyond anybody’s imagination, since he was behind 40 points from the royal princess…
On return to his city he was given a warm welcome…and Maharaja himself invited him for a special dinner to honor him, as a new emerging star in the Shooting Sport…but most unfortunately his this meteoric rise and fame suddenly collapsed and eclipsed by what became a big scandal and talk of the town burning sensational story…for everyone….Anand’s becoming an illegitimate father of a prospective child from a Moslem girl, his class fellow Shaheen…It was really a big blow to his career and life...his image was shattered…that doom’s day thrown him away from the scene..
Anand's next destination was Bomay.It was almost forced upon him.Actually it was his Nani's decision that he should leave his studies and go for a diploma course in J.J school of Arts in Bombay. That was the safest place for him and would also divert his attention from Shaheen.The situation in the city of Bikampur was worsening day by day and communal tension was also mounting.On the other side his one distant relation maternal uncle, who was more of a fanetic type Arya Samaji was ready to go against the stream to the extend that he was ready to marry Anand and Shaheen by 'Arya Samaji way .For that he had already made arrangemts, cotacted the chief of his organization fo changing the religion of Shaheen. He even told his cousin that Shaheen and Anand would be taken to Udaipur and they wil be taken to the fold of Arya Samaj after purifying Shaheen she will live a secured and happy married life.Both of thaem would also get a job of teaching in some school. In those days many persons and families from Muslim community had adopted Arya Samaj as they were the earlier convert to Muslim religion by the 'invaders'. So in the openion of Anand's uncle his case was not difficult.For few days his house bacame the acive center for Arya Samajis and top local leaders had easy access with prined liteature, copy of Satyarth Prakash and Swmi Dayanand's fiery discourses. For the new ideas and enlightenment of society 'they' encouraged this bold step to be taken without deay before it it is too late.But his Nani ultimately used her 'veto' and decided to send Anand to Bomay.All hectic activities of Samajis came to hault as she had bitter experiences of life...'Doodha ka jala chhachha ko bhi phoonk phoonkar peeta hai'.She did not want her home to became another seat of experiment although she had high openion and regards for Arya Samajis and had no doubt in their capabilities and commitments.
Anand had to abondon his loving people.He had his cardboard satchel of his belongings ready, Haldol, some money in pocket, rail ticket and two letters in the name of close relatives living in Bombay given to him for reference etc.He also wanted to carry his newly purchaged parchment cricket bat with him but since he had another links of memories attached to it and his going was also not a happy affair so he had to leave his 'cricket' at the back foot and gave his bat to his close friend
Gomati, the washerlady used to bring every forth day his clothes after washing. She was a very confident lady of his Nani and shared heavy moments of his departure, expressing concern silently but blessing him for his happy future .Perhaps she brought his last 'washed white pant and shirt' and gave to him by her both hands very lightly as if a child is being given with total care. Her eyes would shine with extra emotion as if serving her own son. Gomati's Gathari (bundle of clothes ) was like a lottery- ticket for every member of the home( At that time there was no existence of lotteries )She was the true replica of 'Barahman ki dhoban' which Anand had seen many time as child in two paisa( A real three panny opera of his memories ) in the biscope came every sunday to entertain people of all age in his bastl.
Anand had to leave many more things behind.A sort of nostalgia:His regular visits to Railway Platform, every evning one hour earlier the departure time of Jaipur-Marwar train with his friends, even if there was nobody of his acqaintance to go...just to take 'vitamin G' for eyes (G for girls or women tavellers ) he and his group of friends would enjoy those twilights beat without fail.That would be the time of diya-batti in every home and her Nani used to clean the glass-cover every evening by a loori, small piece of cloth ,put kerosine in the lantern and another small lamp with the help of a small shining 'musical' tin pump which was kept over the closed water tank near 'Tulsaji'. It was he who gave Tulsi leaves to his Nani every morning before she would go to temple.
His other silent memories had impressions of Hauman temple, every afternoon visit to nearby cenotaph eating grapes and winter dry-fruis with a very fast friend who left his studies and took to job earlier due to his family circumestances...going to Shivbari by cycles many times with him crossing black-yellow thunderbolt.
Anand could not forget his last day meeting with Shaheen in the library.The lady Librarian had some hint of their affairs as she often kept a supervisory eye whenever they craved to go beyond rare-books section.Actually that section was reserved for researchers and not for students of undergraduate classes.But as Anand was a promising cricketier and played good cricket for his college , the Librarian lady had some bonus points and concession for him and allowed them to ' enjoy' the liberty,Which perhaps she could not enjoy in her life. She became a widow in her very early age.It was a routine that after his entry in the library, he would directly go to the rare-books section and that too would be Shaheen's move.It was also a fact that plant texonomy section was adjucent to that part of library and that too perchance was their previlaged area .
It was also a matter of coincidence that the cricket ground of the college was adjacent to the library building and the librarian lady developed deep interest in cricket too and particulaly she was impressed by stylistic batting of Anand who always played glorius ennings.From the window of her room she would see cricket matches often played with other colleges in that ground and enjoyed every stoke of Anand's batting who was a fast scorer and always supported his team by his sixers and fours. The boundary wall was the far end touching the library...and perhaps Anand's that sport'sman and his glaring youth thrilled the lady who started feeling a sort of intimacy with him too.From the wall of books shelves and store proper she would watch his movements and made him her mental hero in her otherwise borring dry and detached widowhood .It was just a chance that one afternoon when she was taking her tea in the winter time, from her steaming tea kettle,Anand just entered in her chamber with Shaheen and he himself asked for tea which she very happily offered to both of them...and that evening the lady became the 'Barometer of their love.For some space of time when the Librarian lady had to go to issue some books in the counter and after that turned her back just entering in her room she found both of them in cudle. She stopped for a while in between the door, could not stop her smile which she did not show to them by putting palm on her face and then joined them in tea. She did not know that that tea would be the last tea of Anand and Shaheen in the library because after that the love birds never appeared in the library premises .The lady very soon heard the news that their lustful conglutinations ended in the wildeness of sin which pressurised Anand to leave the city.For many days the window of her library opening towards the Gajner road also reminded her of Anand's adventurous journey, set out for unknown, remained a memory of 'her' great cricketor.The lady anyhow collected two rare short love letters written to Shaheen by Anand in the white spaces of one Plant Taxonomy book which was last issued to Shaheen as the letters had very clearly ended with the letter''s'' and ''A''.That book was issued again and again to them only and was rotated between Anand and Shaheen for three months.

Leaving kernels of his heart desires Anand left his all time 'sporting city' rather a hunting sanctuary…gone to Mumbai…lived there for one year, tried to disconnect with difficulty himself from anything of his old town. Even from his best passion of Shooting, his illustrious cricket career he became a humble student of J.J. School of Arts.He wanted his future map very clear...at least that time no 'scupper'.
He still remembered , how much supportive was his Nani in his worst phase of life.As was her daily habbit she would read Gita at the time of twilight and only after completion of two chapters everyday she would call him and advise for his next moves of life.She also told him that he should not feel ashamed of what had unfortunately happened in his life.In young and innocent days anybody can commit mistakes but for future he must be true to his carreer.He must not divert from the path of righteousness in the coming time. She also assured him for all possible guide-lines but also reminded him that God also helps them who helped themseles.At that time she put off her spectacles and rubbed her eyes...they were not wet but helpless.


22/NEW LIFE
In the attempt to forget bad days he reached Bombay -the financial capital of the country. The moment he touched the Bandra Terminus, he had the intense feeling of meeting his college day’s friend from business community Chopra, who had promised to receive him and help him find proper place for his stay. His eyes were searching him here and there in the crowded station and to his surprise his friend caught his suitcase from his back and told him to follow. They came by taxi from Bandra terminus to Bandra local station to catch local train for Goregaon where his friend Chopra lived.
It took no time in setting in Bombay for Anand. He studied paintings in the J.J.School of Arts and completed two years diploma in Applied Arts from this well known institute then he was confronted with a dilemma: should he live there for a limited time as decided by his parents or choose this ‘Alma mater’ his final destination for his future living.
The very second day of his arrival in Bombay he completed the formalities of his admission in J.J School and wanted to see Jahangir Art Gallery…he was advised by his college friend Chopra that the entire Fort area is very monumental and it is centre of art activities of Bombay…Beside Jahangir Art Gallery the hotel Taj , Gateway of India, V.T station ,famous Nariman Point and choupati and lot of other good hotels are at walking distance to each other …but he should not move much initially for a month and should try to come home early in the evening…Anand tried to follow his friend’s advice but when he was moving from Churchgate to Nariman point just to have a glance of the seascape of Bombay, he found a big brass- plate of some ‘Puzo-Studio’ on the opposite site of station while walking through the closed veranda near Brebon Stadium…Anand ascended the broad brown colored wooden staircase and pushed the call-bell over the gate of the studio.
A girl in her thirties with long slender legs and bobbed hair opened the door…she was in
long pink skirt up to her knees and with a soft smile in her face asked him –‘whom you want?’
I want to meet Mr Puzo…
Do you know him?
No this is my first meeting
O.k please wait…and she gone beyond the side room and disappeared…after waiting for around five minute a middle aged man with French cut beard appeared before him…He was Mr Puzo.
You want to see me…how you know me?
I have taken admission in J.J. School and after seeing your studio sign plate I became interested to see you…I thought you should be a big artist…
Oh that’s it…you perhaps don’t know I rarely meet people these days…I remain busy with my pending plans…O.k ..No problems…come… come in my studio…and
Anand followed him …In his life time Anand had seen for the first time such a big art studio of any professional sculptor. The windows were opening over a vast lush green ground …and in such a beautiful environment Mr Puzo had his residence cum studio…Anand felt himself very lucky to meet such a big person in Bombay on third day of his existence in this grand city…Puzo gave him a seat and remained busy in some sketch work for another twenty minutes…During this space and time he was feeling himself again and again lucky. The large spacious room was decorated by antiquarian maps, engravings, lithographs, water colours and rare photographs all set beautifully on the walls of studio…Anand was looking out of window when the same graceful lady ,who opened the door for him, brought a glass of water in a small tray and told him to wait little more as her father will be coming after finishing some outline of his new sculpture…
‘Mr Puzo is a sculptor?
‘Yes you can imagine, all his studio’s sculpturs have taken his entire life…He is still getting orders from his old dealers…The entire studio was filled with busts, standing and sitting marble and bronze works of art...the sculptures were gracefully covered by transparent linen and silken cloth’s.
‘His medium is stone…?
‘Yes mostly marble from Italy or black granite from South Africa although he had used silver,bronze,ceremics for his wide range of subjects…but I have forgotten to ask you…are you also artist..?
‘Well I wish to be an artist…presently I have taken admission in J.J.
‘Oh that’s wonderful All of my parents- my father also are J.J’S products…My father was in the J.J in old times. He was a senior faculty member….’
As Anand and Puzo’s daughter were interacting with each other, the grand master entered in the studio…Anand stood in his honor…but Mr Puzo told him to be comfortable. He then pointed towards his daughter-‘ Mira…now you can oblige me and our young guest by hot…hot pot of tea.’
Anand first of all could not believe his ears…what he heard was correct..?then out of curiosity and innocence he asked Mr Puzo- How you are calling your daughter…her name is Mira sir.?
‘Yes young boy…She is Mira …and I have one son also his name is Gandherva.’
‘This is really wonderful sir…I like both the names…Anand was little bit excited by these Hindu names…
‘But … are you Christian sir..?
‘I am an Indian first…for me religion comes next…cast… creed …colors are all man made…’
‘Yes sir…Anand was unable to argue in favor or against the subject…as he was already overwhelmed by the grand master’s personality.
But slowly and steadily he tried to express himself…Now all three of them were enjoying tea…Anand was highly impressed by Mr Puzo’s past contributions in the field of realistic sculptures and deep study of international scenario of modern as well as tradional arts…He also told him about his past days experience as a teacher in J.J and his personal relations with the established contemporary artist of India. He shown him the real sketch of Mahatma Gandhi who gave him personal sitting for making a historical sculpture of him (Bapu) He really enjoyed each and every moment with the artist and her daughter .It was a short but very important achievement and meeting of his life-time…and within this brief span Anand won the heart of this highly sophisticated established cultural two member family of Bombay.Mr Puzo and his daughter Mira both liked his company…the young boy Anand was really given a warm welcome and was assured by the most senior sculptor that he should always feel free to come their home… he felt very fortunate …rather astonished by behavior of a person of such high stature in Bombay…When he was moving to Goregaon by local train. He was also thinking about that parallel journey which he had already undertaken…perhaps he was passing through a gripping drama of life…In his heart he had no malaise for anyone but he was surrounded by a fog-bound situation from his head to toe and finding no easy escape from this…Will he be able to start a totally new episode of life from the pious and progressive city of goddess Mumba..?
Anand was mainly interested in his future now but he had the ready made memory to germinate seeds of lust and feeling of days spent with Shaheen and Sonal…It was not so long since no one of them had the opportunity or guts to rewind or renew the past in the changed circumstances. It became a matter of sentiments and loftiness. Both were isolated and immature being and their ripeness was far beyond the physical needs. Sonal was extremely sensitive but at the same time intelligent enough to hold her feelings within herself…and that part of her personality kept Anand in touch with her…at least mentally, as visiting his old city was not possible under the new circumstances.…Both of them maintained the fire burning and their intimacy utterly balanced in it’s unchaste way…As a matter of fact he was physically in Bombay but his heart and mind remained with Sonal…It became more deep after he had to face a very tough time in Shaheen’s affair.
He knew that Bombay was a wonderful city of lovely people... The people from all walks of life from different parts of the country travel towards Bombay in search of their bread and butter. They make this place their final settlement and grow in horizontal and vertical directions for betterment of living
-Anand’s friend Chopra came to Bombay ten year early with his uncle and started his independent business in the line of Aluminum utensils and within these years became a big businessman and was married to a girl from Bikampur..It was a chance that Mrs Chopra knew Sonal as they both studied together up-to middle school level and after marriage they had to leave studies…She had a faint memory of her school day’s friend Sonal…and when Anand talked about visiting her old famous Haveli in Chhabeeli Ki Ghati Mrs Chopra immediately recalled her memory and told him that she was very close friend of her…Her memory was so sharp that she told Anand that Sonal opposed her early marriage and did not take meals for three days but when her grand father assured her that she will be sent to her husband’s house after Gauna (after four years) then only she agreed to marry some school teacher. Mrs Chopra remembered to have attended her marriage also but after her marriage she came to Bombay with Mr Chopra who wanted ‘Chat mangani pat byah’, an early marriage with her.
.Anand and his old friend Chopra enjoyed talking about old days life in Bikampur…Chopra was only knowing about his involvement with Shaheen.and later developments and problems associated due to her pre- marital pregnancy of Anand’s child…although he never discussed this matter with his wife, since he thought it might un-necessarily create wrong impression of his school days only intimate friend….Soon Anand got one paying- guest accommodation in Andheri and shifted there …although he remained in touch with his friend Chopra…obviously because of his two fold relations, intentions and pretensions…. One …purely on being intimate with his old friend Chopra, second…to feel himself emotionally close to his old love Sonal…remembering her often through piece-meal gossips with Mrs. Chopra…her intimate school day’ friend. He also tried to know where about of Shaheen but unfortunately he found no proper clue or connection to open the dead-lock…At one or two times he wanted to contact Soni, his GajnerPalace Hotel friend…but he was informed about Soni’s leaving the job, from the hotel only few days back, besides that, he left no address with the hotel staff….So temporarily her old memory gone in the cold store of Anand.


23/EMERGENCE OF NEW ANAND

Anand’s new adventure was literature art and theatre…and Bombay developed his new image, identity and personality on these aspects of life…He was a good student of Fine-Art and also started writing poetry and short stories in established Hindi and English journals and magazines…During his student life he was seriously involved in theatre as a critic and regular column writer of art activities of Bombay for a well- known Hindi weekly published from New Delhi. That all, brought him closer to Mr Puzo, daughter Mira his first big contact of Bombay.
His one more charming discovery was Mrs Khanna’s café’ Sarovar at famous Jahangir Art Gallery. The café’, its lady owner and the informal ambience added wonderful colours in his creative life and leanings. As he remained a student in J.J for two years, he had the ambition of meeting people of art field , visiting Samovar almost regularly he felt himself a part of that community of artists, writers, journalists and lot many persons connected with culture.The Samovar became the metaphor for a generation of this community. Anand enjoyed his best afternoons of Bombay in the raining seasons …still remembering garam doodh and jalebi of Samovar. Actually Café’ became the fond memory of lot of struggling artists. Writers and journalists shared the bonding of belonging to one particular creative community.
He also put his first pencil drawing exhibition outside Jahangir Art Gallery on the outside space close to Samovar and his entire work was purchased by some Parsi lady Mrs Daroowala. She was wife of a shoe-merchant who also owned two big show rooms of Bata Company in Kalaghoda area. That lady visited his exhibition on the very first day and liked the ‘softness and light and shade effects of his very different and outstanding unconventional pencil drawings.’ Those words of the lady touched his heart and he formally thanked her for her precious opinion about his art…
‘But I am not going to buy any single piece of your drawings…each one is very costly’…but then after a pause she told him.. ‘I will take home your total frames…definitely with paintings’…and then without giving him space to think she opened the zip of her purse and after handing over her signed cheque book she told Anand to fill the price of all his drawings.
Her total style of talking…and dealing with him in interesting dramatic way impressed Anand and he returned the cheque-book to lady,requested herself to decide for any 'reasonable price'…The deal was over in ten minutes. It was Anand’s historical day to win him his ever first buyer in Bombay…But that was not the end game. She told him further-‘If you intend to work on oil I can help you in procuring the best art material from U.K, and for you free of cost…but again it will be conditional…You will have to leave ten percent income as donation for one ‘Senior Citizen’s Home’ being set up by our Parsee community in Udwara in Gujrat…where we have our oldest fire temple.
His Pencil Work was a success as it was sold as hot cakes on the very first day of opening of exhibition ‘Waiting’…Perhaps people liked the theme and innovation both of his Pencil work. The reviews were also artist-friendly. His work of pencil were appreciated as ‘final and finished art and not as the preparatory stage of conceptualization….there was a feeling of romance mixed with nostalgia. and in addition telling something about direct happening world,’ His subject of pencil sketch was local and main railway stations of Bombay .It’s running and waiting transit life of travelers ,coolies , ladies ,old and young persons, couples all traveling in another train of thoughts parallel. Anand’s another novelty was in choosing of a coolly forinauguration of his exhibition. The coolly was from Bandra Terminus where he got down on the first day from Bikampur and his eyes were busy in searching for some one.
On the closing day Mrs Daroowala gave him another surprise. When he handed over her all his works, she told him- ‘Now I want to tell you two things .Hope you will honor my words…First, I want to return to you all your pencil work…
‘What happened madam? You don’t want to purchase them..?
‘No artist saab…out of these paintings I want you to pick upback your one Bandra drawing as gift taking a promise, you will not sale this to anyone in your life time…and then the second commitment…keep this brief case I have brought for you…don’t think there is any smuggled article inside. ..Open it Anand.’
When Anand opened the brief case he was overwhelmed to see unbelievable treasure of basket full of brand new foreign color tubes, paint brush of different numbers and a small golden diary…the first page of diary read---My best wishes for your next exhibition..
….Next evening after his wonderful deal, when Anand reached Jahangir Art Gallery he was in very good spirit, stepping on the front stairs Mira was before him…he flashed a smile…but in the next moment he was surprised and sad to hear news from Mira…Anand Mrs Daroowala is no more…she died of heart attack…her demise is jumpy.
Anand could'nt beleive it! He had decided to meet Mira's father at afternoon time when I got free from his class… but then he thoufgt to meet him in the evening…he wanted to take his blessings…as he had sold his drawing the very first day…but then he thought he would rather meet him tomorrow…tomorrow is Sunday also.’Anand told Mira about all that running in his mind.
‘Yes tomorrow he will be absolutely free as he has finished one big assignment. I have told him about the sale of your work .He was happy too.’
‘And I wanted to give you treat also…but unfortunately …’
‘Oh don’t bother for treat…we go towards Gateway of India. I will have my favorite Chanajorgaram there…’
‘It's a good idea. I always enjoy the Gateway of India. It is a fantastic sight…It always reminds me of the majestic architectural imagination of British…their important entry point in India.
Anand usually come there alone on foot from his School and thinks about his past days crises and wants to get rid of negative feelings but that day for the first time he came with Mira whom he did not know much…He was neither interested to know much beyond routine formal relation nor Mira had tried anything to dig about him although their contacts were not recent.
‘Anand what you intend to do after your diploma- She asked him.
‘I have not yet decided…but I have faint idea of touching the land of revolutionaries in the remote tribal area’s of my state where my Grand father engaged his life fighting against British and their agents , rulers of erstwhile princely states. ’Anand became little bit sentimental in telling that. He had recently received the telegram of his Nana’s death.
‘So you belong to a family of revolutionaries?
‘Not exactly., my background is feudal…only my Nana- grand father took side of revolutionaries…and in his youthful day’s left his family and joined hands with them…He died in jail even after the country got freedom. he even fought against the new lords of our democracy.’
‘Quite sad that such a person had to see that day…’Mira then became silent…
Anand too was in grip of his Nana’s memory who till his last days wanted to help him in the matter of Shaheen. But unfortunately he was arrested again in connection of politically framed murder charge of some congress leader who was aspiring for M.L.A seat in the first coming election…
‘He died in Jail by protesting hunger strike which deteriorated his health badly and by the time he was being sent to hospital he died on the way. He was a fiery opponent leader of ruling congress party…
After a long pause when Mira felt, he was lost somewhere, she changed the subject.
‘Anand have you ever seen the collection of old masters in Taj Palace Hotel?
‘’No I have no idea of that…Even for coffee or tea I avoided visiting Taj…It must be very expensive.’
‘That way I am also not a frequent visitor but my father has a very reputed position there .He is in purchasing committee of art objects, paintings and sculptures so I am also known to curators of Taj’
‘Can we have access to that treasure trove of art?
‘We can try today…at least the display works of masters can be seen.’
‘It’s my pleasure…
So Anand and Mira entered the heritage wing of Taj
‘Anand in very recent times there was the famous Rendezvous in the corner but today it’s a memory…It no longer exist.’
‘Was that a grand hotel?’
‘Not exactly grand in size but it was a place of ultimate glamour and sophistication for Bombayites…My mom was a regular visitor - She emphatically told him that. Then she told him one more interesting thing…when Taj was first opened it’s Ballroom pillars of spun iron were shipped from Paris.At that time its founder builder Jamsetji Tata was in Paris.
Anand was fascinated by the interiors of different section of Taj.They moved in the intercontinental wing.
‘From that point my mother enjoyed the unbeaten view of Arabian sea. She often talked about those glimmering and vanishing memories…the reflection of ships lights falling on sea and the rest of Bombay. She described all that as dream when ever she visited that place. Mira became emotional.
Now they were passing through the Bell Tower suit where famous painting of contemporary most celebrated artist Jahangir Sabavala was hanging…It was ‘Outward to unknown’, another enormous canvas highlighting M.F Hussain’s new work behind the frontal desk of new wing…it was a riot of colors of his established style. For his viewers he used a new mechanism and expressed through decorative motifs the usual rhythm of daily chorus of life. Mira got Anand introduced to the curator of art who gave him wide range of information of paintings in the heritage section. As friendly and traditional gesture they enjoyed ‘tea with fruits’ at curator’s desk and left Taj with special privileged feelings.
He enjoyed few more months in Bombay, came in lime light as short story writer and art critic of repute. During those months he also developed relations in the Bollywood circle also but then all of a sudden decided to leave Bombay as he had already completed his two year’s diploma in fine arts from the prestigious J.J School with flying colors. He thought to return to his roots and his own people. Perhaps it was somewhere his craving of coming out from another sin which went deep into his mind…the sin that became his agony and the emotional set-back…His Shaheen’s affairs…


24/ HIS UNSUNG HERO
Anand was newly appointed as a teacher in a small village Mojera near Eklingji, Uaipur. Before that he did ‘Darshan’ of the principal God of Mewar.He had completed his art diploma from J.J. School of Art and willingly wanted to opt for some tribal area for his first posting. Since he was attached emotionally with his Nana and heard about his days of struggle in those tribal pockets, against the British Crown, he wanted to respectfully touch that land by his own feet.
After coming to the pious soil of Mewar, Anand first of all visited ‘Haldi-Ghati’ and offered his homage to Maharana Pratap, the lone crusader of independence who struggled very hard, fought bravely throughout his life against Moghel Badshah Akabar.Anand still remembered one poem which he had read in his school days-‘ Mai ehda poot jan jehda Ran Pratap , Akbar sootyo oujha ke jaan shirane saamp.’…( O mother give birth to a son like Maharana Pratap, whose mere thought kept Akbar sleepless and scared as if there was some snake hidden under his pillow.’) He took the sacred sand of the narrow valley and did a tilak (mark of respect) on his forehead. There was a vast and impressive memorial, a statue of Pratap on the back of his loving blue- horse Chetak before his eyes. His head bowed automatically…he was thoughtless for some moments then he contemplated about his pride motherland…no dust particle of his vast land was free from the blood of heroes who sacrificed for their country…he remembered the historian colonel James Tod who was the great admirer of velour’s and outstanding fighting spirits of Rajpoots.He wrote in his Annals-‘Not even the smallest territory of Rajasthan is less than any Thermopolis and no land is without a warrior un-equal to Leonades there…!
Anand became very emotional as he deeply thought about his Nana who almost gave his entire life in fighting against the British colonialists …The British from its early days had to contend almost ceaselessly with resistance from number of such persons like his Nana .It was actually the misrule of British against which his Nana fought. He wanted to support indigenous institutions, he wanted social justice, he was for the happiness and material well-being of his people and for that he was engaged in the Independent movement, his ways were radical and he wanted to over through the crown by totally violent means.
It was the uprising spirit of his Nana’s revolutionary group which gave the British a hard-tough time. That group separated and spread all over the south part of Mewar and organized agitations. That rocked the government.
He lived to see the dawn of freedom; … Anand’s Nana was no more feudal lord…He was rather against the whole new system of freedom. He was still thinking that freedom had come to immature but corrupt hands…It was in the hands of black ‘Angrez’ (English men) .There were lot of cases still pending against his Nana since he was a staunch opponent of Mahatma Gandhi and his non-violent congress leaders…he had still the fire of revolution in his heart and did not favored the making of Pakistan…His game of hide and seek was going on. He died in agony in jail. As he never compromised with his revolutionary ideals and never agreed with Gandhi’s ways of non-violence, his revolutionary day’s friends left him alone…and ultimately he died as an unsung hero. But in Anand’s heart his Nana had made an image of an idealist who was never a practical person and due to his rigid stand in life he had to suffer a lot… actually as a matter of fact lot of qualities made him an unfit man for the changing society….in the newly developed political market his Nana remained an ingot only and people lately, after independence, needed finished products….sort of thick skinned persons!
Anand left the statue with wet eyes ….(’Shaheedon ki chitaon pe lagaingai har baras mele)There will be festivals on the martyrs lands … that will be the only mark left, in the memories of those who gave their life for the nation. (Vatan par marne walon ka yahee baki nishan hoga…)’these words were still echoing to his ears.


25/REINVENTING THE NEW SELF


In the matter of his loved birds, Anand was always lucky, although he had never moved in that direction in any planned manner… and whenever he was skeptical about the fair sex, he thought of staying away and tried for reinventing himself. When he met Bhairvi for the first time he never knew that she would become an important part of his life.
It seemed the life had turned, in the right direction. Although she was a victim of nature but in her ebony young lady the living fire was burning and she was true to his choice. Cupid stroked him again, in the picturesque, hilly surroundings of Aravali valley. He was ready to take the plunge again. No problem, this time with a pretty and smart nurse! The entire episode took little time as it was a game of heart, heart knows no bounds. The chances of risking and loosing were there but his temptations to travel on a different path, was his part of life. He was not an escapist. His tendency was never of a commoner. It was a time when he was working in a small primary school as a drawing teacher in the southern part of tribal area of Rajasthan. Bhairvi was a nurse and she belonged to Kerala. She was a black beauty as if crafted by God himself… The delicate side of the girl was her so called stigma of being a leaper. Her hands and some part of the neck had the brown, black patches of the disease. Anand also heard about her that she was once made the victim of attempted rape by ex Health Minister to whom she opposed with her courageous and bold spirit. It was a difficult decision of marrying her as her background and cast factor
The sun was coming out of the clouds behind the Arawali Range and the town of Delwara creating silhouette effect because of sharp clear light falling on each and every building of that ancient township. Everything below the hills was moving slowly with life of limited people scattered in patches around tea stalls. He was in the relaxing mood. The bus from temple town Nathdwara was on the way to Udaipur. From that Roadways bus the local village nurse of Primary Health Center of Delwara just came down…. She was turning towards the Bargad Ki Gali (Banyan- tree). …And an above average slender good looking black beauty in white tunic and socks blouse covering her hands fully was before him. Her movement was very graceful and face was radiating calm emotions with charming sleeping eyes half open…He watched her with some butterflies in the stomach. She was bending little toward right side and putting her weight on her right shoulder. On the first sight she projected a complete impressive caricature of her personality... No doubt she was a nurse
.“She is coming…” in local dialect, a beedi smoking mine worker laughed meaninglessly, opening his half mouth and showing his broken yellow teeth. She is the ‘Universal- sister’. Someone standing below the broken branches of Banyan tree, made some intelligent but irrelevant comment. Anand kept himself silent and did not think proper to talk about the nurse who had already made a good impression in his mind. She in slow motion entered the street where she was residing.

Next day after leaving his School in half time Anand reached Primary Health Center (P.H.C.). The nurse was busy in routine work of bandaging some old man. The P.H.C. had only one compounder and one nurse as a staff that is all and visit of any doctor would only take place when there was some V.I.P. visit. He had some pain in his neck and for last one month that pain was not subsiding. When he asked about his pain and wanted some pain killer she gave her simple Aspirin tablet with Vitamin B-complex small yellow tablets. But the same time she advised him for x-ray… The meeting with her was initially for formal introduction but made a lasting impression of her sensitive behavior.
There was a narrow rivulet on the opposite side of P.H.C... And the school was situated on the other bank of the river which was not perennial.
In a short, sweet and brief meeting Anand and Bhairvi came close to each other.Bhairvi wanted to share Anand’s dreams as a struggling young man who came to that small town by his own will. It was no less then an adventure in itself to come there for a job for a city dweller like him…Also in the very first sight Anand felt that Bhairvi was made for him. In no time they started a common feeling that they could go to gather, hand in hand to long distances and share the burden and responsibility of life as partners.
By that time Anand was a simple teacher .He left his cricketer far away .He wanted to forget all his past and other colors of life, his characters- more of a fiction than of real world,.
On one eventful day, Anand and Bhairvi were going to Udiapur in night bus from Delwara and in that journey they had the good opportunity to come close. After fast and frank talks from Anand’s side she asked pointedly-‘Don’t you feel your life has been like a free-wheel?’
‘Yes to some extent as the dissatisfaction always kept me on my toes.’
‘I believe one should also have some values in life and fear of the almighty.’ She expressed her ideas firmly but in slow tone.
‘I know, I have started feeling like that now. And you have known, by now little about me and my Nana . He was a great freedom fighter… The values Inherited by my Nana and Nani always inspired me, although it is difficult to tread upon the path because the path is hard and full of spines.’
Anand also thought it better to tell her about Shahee’s affair as he felt no harm in it After hearing his story in brief Bhairvi asked him-‘Do you still remember Shaheen ?’
‘Very often but she is now a history to me.’
‘And what’s about your son? You told me you got some issue from her….’
‘I have no information about them now although there was some rumor about that matter. As of now what happened to the child who had not seen sky just because he was considered illegitimate.’
‘What was that rumor? Was the child aborted?’
‘No after a long gap someone close to Shaheen met me in Bombay and told me that the child is not aborted but after the birth, he is given to some Fondling-home… still nothing is clear and I now believe the history will not repeat as there was religion, borders and politics between us…. Any way I have told you everything about my old affairs and I want to be transparent in these matters.’
‘I am happy… I just wanted to know…. Anand I love you…!’
Then there was sudden apply of break and their Bus took a little turn towards left side and slanted in the deep valley. It was a narrow escape since one truck fully loaded by marbles slabs was about to collide form their Bus…. Everyone thanked God… The intelligent handling by the driver saved them…. Although one left wheel of the Roadways Bus in the saving exercise came out and that made bus to slant. The passengers came down one by one. The bus was very close to the Eklingji temple and it was a full moon night….
Anand and Bhairvi enjoyed the moon lit night as they had gone little deep in to the forest coming down the valley of Arawali hills. Some of the other passengers of the bus had gone towards the temple since the driver and conductor told them that until next bus came from Nathdwara, they would not be able to move. The Stephanie of the bus was also punctured and there was no other way out since the night buses from Nathdrwara to Udaipur were few in number and the bus by which they were traveling was last but one.
Within no time the bus passengers broke into groups and went to different directions. Two-three Tea stalls were also close to temple where some of the passengers had gone to enjoy tea and sweets… Anand and Bhairvi often traveled by the same bus when ever there was any holiday or some other official work to be executed by them in the district office.


26/TRAVELLING PARALLEL WITH HEART

Anand remembered his old days with his sweet heart Bhairvi. He even took her to remote hilly tracks where his Nana was engaged in the prolong war against the British Raj.He was happy and excited to see that Bhayrvi, his future life partner was equally and emotionally involved in his pursuits of life…specially interested in the freedom struggle of people in the area. She gave him good company and when he wanted to traverse the path of history of their martyrs. She shared Anand’s sentiments that the idea of an armed revolution never completely ruled out the protests of people as many groups involved in the freedom struggle still believed in the cult of violence and took to manufacturing of fire arms and bombs well as assassination. His Nana too had not seen in any hazards of armed resistance against the rule of tyranny.
Anand’s Nana in the deep forests of Mewar was engaged in breeding revolutionaries how to prepare bombs through a booklet and pamphlets with a misleading title-‘Van - Seva’…actually his Nana had the direct links with the Gujarat rebels who settled down in Europe.
Anand and Bhairvi had visited first of all that territory of Menal where his Nana took his shelter in the guise of an assistant Pujari.Being Brahman he was immediately accepted by the masses of that tract.
‘Do you know Bhairvi, my uncle remained a Pujari for a pretty long time in this temple? Anand told her while entering in the age-old shiv temple worshiped by Nath sect of Sadhus.
‘This is the most beautiful sight I have ever visited in my life…so vast and beautiful…
so much charming.’ She told him.
‘And could you imagine my Nana was in touch with the European revolutionary Sardarsingh Rana based in Paris’
‘I read about Bhikaji Cama…’
‘Exactly…they were a group who helped young revolutionaries monetarily’ Anand explained to his lovebird …Rana was the least known though he was the only one who remained in touch with my Nama to see India getting independence and lived in Paris almost 50 long years…’
‘How do you known all this Anand…? She was impressed with what information Anand possessed.
‘ I had a friend in Bikampur whose father was the Director of State Archives and a very senior professor…he helped me to get all that what is today the rare documental history in the archives. I was fortunate enough to have all that as he died of heart attack… immediately after a week. otherwise anybody can think… how difficult it is to gather information from the government source…His frind’s late father appreciated the radical spirit, of his Nana’s struggle in the freedom movements who lived his last days in privation… His Nana always inspired him to fight for the second line of struggle, the fight for the still oppressed people of his country after independence. Anand was speaking continuously without interruption as he was emotionally moved by memories of his unsung hero…his loving Nana…Bhairvi was silently observing his glittering face.
‘Bhairvi, I am fortunate enough to have his one last letter written to my Nani after freedom and in that letter he had cleared his mind in these words- ‘…My dearest love…I have no words to acknowledge your pains of life…I have the offers to join the present government in a bigger capacity of my reward as they told me…but I still feel good if I die as un unsung commoner than joining hands with corrupt and power seeking brokers of orthodox polity of new brands of politicians. I prefer a loss to a dishonest 'game', the one brings pain at the moment, the other for all time. I hope you understand this more than me…!
… ……
Anand and Bhairvi moved in the direction of old ruins of temples. They both reached Maurakuro, where Anand’s Nana lived near a deserted palace and his hideout was the remains of a Nauchowk in the beginning of his fight against the foreign rule. The modern fort of Bijolia Rao was built by using old stones of ruined temples and palace and the main entrance was also beautified by statues in design.
They visited huge Shiv temples in the nearby town…Revati tank with an old inscription saying- ‘whosoever will take a dip in this tank would be blessed by prosperous family.’After reading the inscription when Anand smilingly Invited Bhairvi to take a dip for their future prospective married life, Bhairvi simply took water in her palm and put it on her head and sprinkled her eyes with due respect. Anand just repeated her act.
This historic and religious place is surrounded by sky high Aravali range of hills. From the hills fresh humming streams glittered, flowing into the four hundred feet deep dark fissure. This scenic beauty not only enthralled them but stirred fear in their mind. The fissure was covered by natural forming lid of dark green dense offshoots of trees.
‘How refreshing to be a part of this enchanting gift of nature…!
‘It’s overwhelming to be here…Perhaps the goddess of bountiful beauties has created this to stop restlessness of life’-Bhairvi responded as if she was lost in deep meditation
‘My Nana had a great fascination for this land and in his diaries he had mentioned that these temples were erected by the last Hindu ruler Prithviraj Chauhan and often visited by the kings and knights of Chittore along with their families.’’ Anand told.
‘That means your Nana was well versed in history…
‘I think so… I want to visit all those places where my Nana was active…as I plan to write a book
on the unsung hero’s of our freedom struggle…and to start with Mewar will be quite exciting-He expressed his future desire.
‘Anand I shall too be happy in case you associate me with this project’-Bhairvi gave her consent.
‘Now you are part of my life…I feel you my real partner.
Bhairvi and Anand came back to Kailashpuri by bus. They had to join duties on the next morning.
It almost became a routine pas- time and passion of this new love couple to visit pockets of the activities of freedom fighters. For couple of months Bijolia became the center of attraction of them and they moved around the old capital in search of material for the book. In earlier times this feudal terrain was reachable either by foot or horse or by camels ,land was rocky with almost no irrigation for farmers, still the common men was crushed by different types of taxes imposed from time to time…and the ways of collection of these taxes were oppressive . Anand’s Nana fought against the practice of ‘Beggar’ which was almost common in the feudal system…during those days there was no use of capital and the barter system was operative for exchange of services or labor with goods. But later the system took a form of unimaginable exploitation.
In the smallest village Cobler,Potter,Barber,Gardener,Tailor,Carpenter,Sargara,Dholi,Bhil and even traders were supposed to give free service to their feudal lords or his representative.
The Cobbler besides his job of making and mending of shoes would give his free service to his lords. He was used as messenger, for bringing fodder for animals, as cooli, for grass cutting and storing, arranging, making and managing food for the horses etc…Potter were responsible for water-service and would give earthenware, even keloo (slabs) for roofing, Barber was called for washing clothes, cleaning house and utensils, their women were engaged in services of the ladies in the house.. Hair cutting and head massage was their regular job, Dholi played drums and sang songs in praise of the lord, and Gardener had to take vegetable, fruits and flowers daily and would get nothing out of this. The farmers were badly exploited as there was strong tax-system and they had to look after the fuel, fodder and food for visitors. Even traders had to arrange for all sort of facilities needed by the guest.
Anand’s Nana was against all that and he organized agitations against the feudal lords with other revolutionaries.
Since his direct links with Ajmer, Kharva, Nasirabad revolutionaries were exposed at the time of a bomb explosion near railway track of Kharva , British government had announced a prize of rupees 10 thousand for his arrest. At that time the visit of Viceroy was due in Mewar. He had a program of hunting in the forests of Mandalgirh. Maharana of Mewar, and many other high dignitaries were reaching for the game of wild animals specially Lion and Boar. All the tracts of forest were cleared and needful repairs whitewash etc was completed. At every electric pole one strong buit Bhil was appointed with torch in hand to make the arrangement tight with security.
Pujariji as his Nana was called in the local area was adamant to protest against the visit of Viceroy and his coterie. There was a collection of thousands of farmers outside Bijolia as they were ready to sacrifice their life at one call of Pujariji…There were only two entry gates in the fort and those two gates were closed and locked. Some important leaders of movement were already arrested and they were in the jail of fort.
The famous song written by the great local patriot Verma was creating new wave for freedom. The song was in their colourful ‘ghaghara-loogari’ was sung in the night gathering just a day before the proposed visit of Viceroy. The patriotic song ‘Panchhida’ was highly inspirational and became very popular. It was voiced over by his Nana also in several gatherings.…the words were magical…when it was sung in public that night it created sense of fear among the supporters of rulers….the spirit of song was ‘ calling people for liberation’…
Oh people
Why you are sleeping in the dark cloudy nights
Why you are bare
Why weeping helplessly
Immersed yourself in tears
Why you are beaten by police,
As if nobody to save you from this tyranny
Why you are still a bonded labor.
Why…why?
Agitation of farmers demanded immediate removal of game sanctuary from Mandalgirh and when the news reached the higher echelons of British Raj, the visit of Vice-roy was cancelled…and that made the position of Maharana apprehensive...although a warrant of arrest of his Nana was issued by the Collector and due to that Pujariji(Nana) again gone underground but continued his activity to support freedom struggle.
Maharana had already committed mistakes by not handling the newly emerging agitation of his own people in the liberal and democratic manner and by giving deaf years to leaders …( and that proved that the ‘state’s- emblem’ showing ‘bhil and Maharana’ standing together, was nothing but a farce) only few days back he ignored to hear public who wanted to tell him about their problems.
Maharana was on his hunting mission. Thousands of persons composed his army of hunters. They camped in Ladpura….and very closely a parallel movement against the game-sanctuary was in full swing .The farmers of Bijoliya in the leadership of Pujariji thought this time proper for requesting Maharana to consider their genuine demands…The farmers gathered on the same route by which Maharana had to pass for hunting…The moment Maharana’s horse passed from that patch, people in one voice uttered the common word of salutation-‘Duhaee hai…!’
Maharana was not prepared for any such situation…rather he was more interested to see what prior arrangements and preparations have been made for the British Viceroy whose visit was following soon. He hurriedly enquired about the matter from his close associate by asking-
‘Kaee kaive hai (what they say?)
‘Annadata kaive hai ki mhanaih shoran kau ghanon dukh hai. Ei vaste rakhat uthano chahije( My lord ,they complain of pigs problems and want removal of sanctuary)
‘Ye karshan atha ka hi rehva vada hai’ (These are local farmers?)
‘They are from Bijoliya and have no land right here’-Maharana was misled and all of them rode deep into the forest. Maharana too became unhappy over the issue.
As hunting was Maharana’s special hobby…and he was enamored of wild pig-hunting.Half of the year he would spend in forests touring his state and for this reason the forest reserve were very rich in wild life around Udaipur.On the top of hills numerous ‘haudis’ for the game were made. He had also employed hundreds of Tribal for baiting and used good number of wild dogs for his game. In those times in Mehwar the killing of wild bore lion and cheeta was restricted. In spite of all the arrangement and good environment for the hunting the visit of Vice- Roy and AGG was cancelled as the news of agitating farmers against the Maharaja leaked and spread like forest fire.
Even till next day farmers waited and hoped their appeal would be heard but the ruler of Mewar was not in a mood to listen anything and he returned to his palace through another route. Farmers remained hungry whole day and night as the collector of Bijoliya forbade local shopkeepers to extend any help to the farmer even if they want to pay.
After this incident the strategy of agitating farmers took a U-turn and people started non-co-operation with the government administration. In whole of the country there was no such movement. In the land people refused to entertain any representative from government and their terror wrecked from their minds. Even the mind-set of government employees changed and they started helping freedom fighters…some of them would work in the office in the morning but after evening they would reach the meeting grounds crossing over dense forest keeping gun on the shoulders…several times the meeting places were changed so that the police or government spies would not reach there in time...overall peoples struggle for freedom took a new direction and dimension.
Anand’s new love Bhairvi was very much impressed with the spirit of freedom struggle of his Nana. She realized and felt proud that Anand belongs to a family of a great and brave patriot, impetuous but obstinate and the masses of Bijolia had implicit confidence in him. She toured with Anand to many such places and hideouts of the freedom fighting heroes of Mewar and after around an year, also serving as nurse in small Dispensary she left for her parents home with a good feeling for Anand. She had already given her heart to him and now a big decision had to be taken by her parents about their marriage. -
Bhairvi remembered her last couple of intimate moments when ‘they’ were silently watching the tranquil waters of Pichhola lake…when the sun was setting…The image of Nehru garden like a big Shikara, stopped in the middle of flowing waves of golden water.Anand had to leave her that evening in the station and that was their departure meeting. He was still lost in the memories of his Nana.
‘Do you really love the revolutionaries? Anand asked the simple question to Bhairvi.
‘If I had not visited Mewar with you, perhaps I would never have known the value of our freedom- She had replied him emotionally.
‘But you have only one heart Bhairvi…?
‘I know that is for you …and also for every other thing you love Anand…’ each one has to believe her heart- she replied
Do you have love for your spirit?
I don’t know much about spirit but what I know is – I love you wholly from my body from my mind and the soul about which I don’t know much. She was rationally defining her own self.
If you are aware of the nature, you are also aware of the body because in the Indian philosophy of Sankhya- the body and the nature are considered one. Both are reverent. And one has to travel through the good path of nature to attain the peak experience… Anand was speaking through his internal mind.
What is that peak experience – Bhairvi inquired?
‘That is the holistic love’ – Anand replied. That can be achieved with or without marriage also…since for many marriage can be corner stone for money and kids…but for many wedlock ends in a deadlock…hence by love alone one can reach that path and change his personality if one desires. Love is the most potent tool of Psychoanalysis… but unfortunately… Anand stopped..
What but?
Unfortunately we have lost love everywhere…. In home… In office… in factory in…. traveling …. While climbing the hill or swimming… If we loose the grip of love we will die soon Anand was in a mood to describe love in detail.
You mean no one is in love in this… Bhairvi … could not make her sentence complete.
Yes in the physical world… Yes in mental state… yes in heart If love is not guided by our soul… Anand cleared his ideas.
Bhairvi was silently listening to him… She was thinking… do they love each other?
What is important in life is purity of intention and basic emotion, if this is there then nothing around matter…And since both of them were mature individuals, they were enjoying the liberty in the right direction. There was no problem of the caste or regional difference. Their growth was not in tune with age, because they were ahead of time and outside world was there to accept them since their thoughts and emotions were strong enough to prove that they could carry the cart of their married life happily without any problem.
Bhairvi remembered they had their first warm deep kiss…when the whole nature merged in them….Perhaps in that moment they were an ‘Integral’… Knowing…without going, seeing without looking and accomplishing without doing. The train separated them that late evening.


27/GINGER –BREAD MADE IN INDIA


And Anand was returning by the bus, back to his job. He was feeling and seeing a new India, emerging after independence. He was in his streams of thoughts… ‘Doubtlessly a new national ethos was being encouraged in the name of development…In all spheres of life the elites were talking of revolutions and everybody was interested to see that the benefits of developments should go to the grass root level.
Suddenly he became excited to see the latest issue of literary magazine ‘AAYAM’ in the hand of a fellow traveler. He couldn’t hold his curiosity and asked the gentleman politely- ‘Sir, do you read this magazine regularly?
‘Yes I subscribe this too…I get it by mail. Are you interested to see this-The person seated closely wanted to present him that…’
‘No sir I have already read it.. Anand answered.
‘How so early…It’s not available in the book-stalls?
‘Actually I got my complimentary copy before publication- Anand answered in the dignified manner.
‘Are you Pablo Picasso…the cover page Artist..? The stranger seated next was taunting on him.
For a minute Anand was silent, then suddenly in attacking mood he boomeranged his way of questioning , told the gentleman- ‘I am not Picasso but Anand and my forty page long poem on Guernica is published in this same issue.
While replying the strnger he was little bit perturbed but then the tone of his fellow traveler changed-‘Oh so you are Anand. I am really glad to meet you. But I am sure you are not from Udaipur! Hope you don’t mind of what I told you.’
‘I never mind all that, still may tell you, I am not that Picasso’s or Satyajeet Roy who rarely tolerate others of their acts…
‘I did not know that’
‘Picasso once told his acidic critic , when he was asked about the meaning of one of his paintings exhibited for public-‘If you understand Chinese language, you can understand my paintings also….Similarly our great film maker and the pride of Indian cinema also reacted against one reviewer ‘First make a film and then talk…
‘But what is your opinion about our great politicians and leaders, Mr Ananda?
‘ I am told by a very seasoned Politician and a senior Minister of the first Ministary of our State, when he approached Prime Minister Nehru after independence, with bundles of files complaining of high level of corruptions our beloved leader simply told him- ‘Don’t waste my and your time in these matters…let the country grow first.
‘So what that growth exactly meant to you?’
‘Actually the speed of our free democratic country is so fast that only limited persons were able to get into the running train and majority of people had not even seen the train, what to say of traveling and reaching to the desired destination. And if this way we are growing, I think…may god help us! Anand made his point clear.
‘On contrary, don’t you feel, we are absolutely stagnant people, who never want to come out from our own shells like snails?
‘Actually our stagnation remained godlike. A foreign Journalist Morris wrote in the latest issue of Imprint very clearly understood this public ethos-and if you have read his article, she felt that ‘India is the one place in the world where the habitual visitor may watch the static happening…the population growing un proportionately, side walks more packed, buses more overloaded, the trains alarmingly scrambled over by desperate commuters, the country roads more jammed with carts and bicycles and half derelict trucks…beggars apparently dead, their sticks still in their hands, flat on their backs in the gutter…the country struggles along in a miasma of hopelessness. Nothing is getting better, nothing is catching.
Anand talked about all this with his fellow traveler very freely in a bus coming from Udaipur to Nathdwara till the formality of introducing each other was over…and the moment they knew one another, there inbuilt complex started taking a distorted shape. Their relations and way of dialog took a U-turn as Anand’s fellow passenger was no ordinary man but a top Bureaucrat in the state functionary and was holding the charge of Education Secretary. Although he was not of the hobbit to travel by local buses, it was just a chance that his Ambassador car punctured on the rural route hence he got into the bus…Anyway it was an interesting journey and for the first time a government officer of his level had encountered and realized an intelligent but an ordinary man of social strata. With little chance in tone and body language, now the ‘secretary’ invited Anand a teacher to meet him any time in his office as he might help him to find better opportunities for his future career…at that moment a thought abruptly came in Anand’s’ mind that one should always see his position carefully, as standing behind the Donkey and in front of an officer could any time be harmful
…But his philosophizing and old sayings were not enough as fortunately or unfortunately he got a transfer order from his department Anand happened to be away mostly from Politicians and kept safe distance from Bureaucrats, rather he was shy of such special brand of persons because whenever he encountered them he was unnecessarily involved in fights but after joining in government job as teacher he developed a sort of frustration in his life and identity-crises…Recently he was worried as he got a transfer order and was under stress. He was asked to join his duties immediately in the Directorate of Education at Bikampur on deputation as Artist-cum layout Designer in the Editorial wing of their Publications.
It was again a sort of calling to his own old city which almost two and a half years back he left under abnormal pressures and circumstances. The memory of Shaheen was still persisting in his mind and he was himself unable to come out from his disgraceful numbness. His Nani was also not well and after the incident of Shaheen she became indisposed.
Even the old parental Haveli was also sold since his father was unable to pay his debts and finally compromised with his Aunt in-spite of his winning the court case…the only thing in his mind still tempting him to go to his roots back was the living-memory of his Nana and unfortunately after his demise he even could not reach to attend his death-ceremonies…His anniversary was also falling very close…and that gave him some impetus to join his duties at Bikampur.
Then there was another reflection… of Sonal .That relation too coagulated in his mind…and that was also the trivial and sinful (?) act of his life…after coming close to Bhairvi in Udaipur he was not prepared for any odd situation to overlap in his life and wanted to be true to his new love with whom he finally decided to settle his future married life…Still he was scared of Sonal’s possible libidinous interventions. It might again be another undesired happening.
There was a big gap in their relations and during all these years he was not in touch with her. Only old memories disturbed him many times but except fantasizing he did not initiate anything
It was an arduous journey but in the reverse direction. It was an up-rising against his own nature. That way for a longer time he tried to mentally kill himself.
Anand thought about his ‘return of the native’ realities. But then suddenly he thought of abstaining from his new duties and not going to Bikampur on transfer and new posting. He also thought of meeting his ‘big-boss’ who was still in the Circuit House.Only three week’s back he had the chance meeting in the bus with him.
In due course of time Anand had known many positive and negative in's and out’s of his departmental Commissioner cum secretary-. He was a very bold and efficient I.A.S officer but a man of his own style and convictions… Actually different persons had different opinions about him. His near and dear and distant relatives had enjoyed the Principal positions in the feudal times and they were instrumental in prosecuting freedom-fighters and revolutionaries and always stood in support of British Paramountcy…and after country’s freedom the same power brokers, opportunists and careerists were again on the ruling side and by hook or crook managed to occupy the frontal and top positions in our hierarchy.
Anand thought of the state of affairs of his country .He passed through many ideological battles within himself. The left bent of mind also reflected in his writings but he never subscribed to its party line. Actually whole set-up needed revolutionary change. One more thing always agitated in his mind as his Nana was in favor of armed struggle, but that was the colonial time and his country was fighting for freedom also. After freedom that idea took a back seat for some time but the condition of his people did not change as they expected and their leaders promised to them…and that was the reason he wanted that solution at least through his writings although the impact of literature was slow. Still he fashioned his postures by his medium of words…there was massive roads blocks in all walks of life. Is all that was clear to Mr Murdia, who acted instrumentally to transfer him to Bikampur . He took a chance and took a formal appointment with his boss who called him in the evening time for meeting.

Unfortunately his meeting was not fruitful. Rather it again changed his direction and he decided to quit the government job. He reached Circuit House at right time and sent his slip to Mr Murdia who had called him to meet. Mr Murdia was enjoying his evening with some foreigners and other friends in the Central lush-green lawn and after seeing his slip he sent him the message to wait for some time.Anand waited for their gossips to end but seemingly there was no indication of call from Mr Murdia. It was almost an hour passed and Anand felt this delay not only irritating but insulting and he again sent one more slip but no response came from his Commissioner Sahib. After another impatient half an hour the reception clerk called him and told very coldly that Mr Murdia will not be able to meet him today as he is busy with his foreign friends. He wants you to contact him tomorrow morning.
That was his first taste of ‘superiors’ but he became stronger in his convictions about the the game power always played. Anand felt little upset and nervous when he left Circuit- House but then firmly decided to fight against this anarchy of the system.
Anand wanted to analyse this situation of his life.He was certainly a have not.Still he had his own freedom to decide what to act and what not! He must be clear, how to react against particular situations in life. He was certainly not a puppet in the hands of circumstances and he strongly thought to give a tough fight to such happenings which make him weak, helpless and give him dippressed ideas.He will certainly fight.He needed no book or philosophy or ideology to help him encounter such conditions .He also was not going to wait for GODO who will never come.
The next morning Anand had an ugly spat with his boss Mr Murdia.It was not a meeting but more of a scuffle. In the entire dilog his boss did not think it proper to offer him even a seat in his special large room.Perhaps some hidden animal emerged from his boss’s body and he seemed scuffing not in a room but behind some unseen bush.
‘ I have read your latest book of poetry’Earth in Fire’ only yesterday evening when I had called you to meet.( We were talking only on recent trends in literature of today)
‘So what was your opinion about that sir? - Anand asked politely.
After a pause his boss was charged again and told him-‘It has two extremes…sex and violence but no poetry.Is that the reality today? Your writings are indigestible.some time indecent.
‘I am not a romantic poet.and also do not subscribe to any ideology. Anand wanted to make his position clear…what I feel I write.
‘Then what about your poem on ‘Naxalbari’? Its shere propaganda again not creativity.I strongly feel such writings should be banned.’Mr Murdia was in the mood of confrontation.
‘Who is going to ban that, your government or you?
‘Anand don’t forget you are a government servant.’
‘I keep your government on my foot’-Anand was agitated.
‘And still you need favors.I hope you know, beggars are not choosers’
Anand became sensitive and walked out of the room.
‘Where are you going Anand.Don’t be foolish .Come back.Have your cup of tea.It has already come- Mr Murdia changed the charged atmosphere of the room .The waiter had already entered in the room.Anand came back and joined Mr Murdia at round- table tea.There was some silence for sometime then the ice was broken by his boss-‘So you don’t want to go to Bikampur…It is in your own interest I get you transferred…I think it’s your home town.
‘But you never asked me before…because…perhaps you meant what you said just now…beggars are not choosers…Anand still had the feeling of his bite.
‘O.K but I have another good option for you, you don’t go there. Go and meet Mr Mehta in his Seva Sangh.There is a post of Dy Director in his heath project.You will be on deputation there…and then there was some urgent call for Mr Murdia from Education Minister.
Anand left him telling that he will think over the new proposal and meet Mr Mehta in case he intends to join …But at the same time he felt, perhaps a piece of ‘ginger-bread’ has been thrown to him…now it’s up to him which way he should move.
He got soon a stay order from court, did not join his new post at Bikampur and remained on a long leave, enjoyed his creativity.

Anand’s thoughts moved around this ‘Ginger-bread’ thrown to people (Dogs) like him by establishment from time to time whenever ‘they’ find slightest danger from ‘them’. It’s a permanent game of have and have not’s.
He was having his resignation in his hand and wanted to post it to his biggest boss (E.C) instead of submitting formally to his Head Master Saheb who was a very simple and nice person. Rather he had good respect for Anand and was proud of being a staff teacher in his school. He also knew about the background of his revolutionary Nana who engaged in the Mewar areas with his untiring and uncompromising spirits against the colonial rules.

He had read his resignstion letter again and again. He even counted the words…Only eleven words final communication…He felt by writing this letter he has become a free spirited man.Till the moment he penned his eleven words on the white blank sheet he stretched his legs, thrown his arms and relaxed himself.His mind, body and atman in total harmony.Then he put his letter under the pillow…that letter again created some sort of sensation in him, he took it back and read each and every word again. He was excited. Perhaps he has given a proper treatment to a Bureaucrat.He took his pen and wrote some words in his diary-…You are a Bureaucrat, I am not•/ You travel by Ambassaor, I do not/ You wear a double cuff fullsleeve shirt under a brown coat•/
I don’t/ You are the God of file, I am not/ You remain busy on long trunk-calls, I Do not/You urinate in your inner office toilet, I do not/You give dictation, I do not/ I am a teacher/Every moment I feel a knife of uncertain future, hanging over my head,You do not feel it/ One day that knife will fall on my neck,The black board over my head will be covered by my blood/Before I leave school/ I am under a permanent stress/God is opium to me/Politics prostitution/Social Work,another madness/School a sanetorium/Businee is brokership/ All other jobs innocence/We all think corrupt,act corrupt/ Corruption is our culture/Art/Civilization. He felt his existence in stake.He felt himself even smaller to insects .One house lizard looked to him like a Dynosaur.At his own door he felt his dead body lying.Everything looked dying and decaying.

And still he had to go miles before he slept.Before he wanted to take a sound sleep he thought about Bhairvi since his resignation was then also going to affect his future marriage prospects. His realities of life were beyond any poetry, philosophy, politics or art.In ‘Plato’s Republic’ there was no place for a poet. To him also the mathematics of life should be as clear and practical as two plus two makes four. There was no Confusion about that .The real poem of life was related tobarefacts like-
HOUSE,LIGHT,WATER,FOOD,ROADS,MARKETS,SCHOOLS,HOSPITALS,TEMPLES,THEATRES,RESTAURANTS,CROWD.WIFE,FATHERS AND GRAND FATHERS,ALL OTHER RELATIVES ,FRIENDS. Besides that all other innumerable small but beautiful things…milk.potato,sugar,fees of your child,changing numbers of spects,tavelling,toothpaste,Rudramahayagya, kalashyatra,abortion of the next door adolescent girl,dead body in the courtyard,Garud Puran, uncleared accounts of news paper agent,greeting cards,Iloo Parrot in the cage,and last but not least …the made in India GINGER BREAD for people.
Anand for the time being joined another rival N.G.O in Udaipur which also indirectly supported in his ventures to write against the establishment in local papers. Now he was also a column writer in a small weekly News Paper-Rashtradhara. It had a circulation of two-three hundred copies and more complementaries going to all important persons in the administration so he was happy to express his views through that medium.His column was popular.He used his shadow name ‘Sanjaya’ as a column writer.As the character of great epic Mahabharat, he told (wrote)the running commentary to blind Dhritarashtra ( according to him blind administration and leaders).In that column, once he exposed a shadow deal of the modern printing press donated to Seva Sangh by some International N.G.O for the purpose of their literacy campaign ,supported by the same I.N.G.O but sold in ten lacs to one prestigious media group of Jaipur and in that deal Mr Murdia played an important role.That exposure created sensation for some time but the matter was ignored by the government.He also covered ‘Bhagalpur Blinding case and wrote a detailed story after witnessing and interviewing victims with wounding photographs and his that coverage reached Mrs Mira Gandhi, who was P.M at that time.The blinding were the result of ‘mob fury’ as reported by national press and unfortunately no action was taken.Even the Chief Minister of Bihar refused to resign as P.M also did not show her willingness to tell him to step down.His writing made sense to him for some time then he withdrawn himself as without reaching and targetting to bigger audience it all seemed a wasteful exercise.


28/MATTER OF MATRIMONY


For around a year of their affairs, Bhairvi got a new posting in the Hamidia Hospital of Bhopal. That city was her parent’s home, and that made her to move away from him. They departed on the halfway of their journey of love. Although the meetings in the lake city Udaipur were very frequent. Anand could only keep himself in touch with Bhairvi through letters and very often by telephone. At that time talking to a person in distance was a difficult task and one had to speak loudly which was rather embarrassing, since the talks could be over heard by anybody sitting close to the telephone. Anand and Bhairvi both could not talk more on telephone because the bill was high and not affordable.... still they could not live without dialogue, as it was the demand of their intimacy.
There was a mediator between them in the initial stage in Bhopal who received the mail. His love letters, written to Bhairvi, because by that time she was not feeling settled in the hospital, she was transferred to different departments and she was also not confident and secured to receive mail in the hospital address. The letters were initially censored through the office of the Superintendent of Nursing, who was a very strict, senior and unmarried lady... Naturally any love letter in her hand could be explosive. When she got a posting in the Medico-legal unit, she was little bit relaxed since the environment was suitable to her. She could get the mail directly in her hand there. Sometimes, since, the department was close to the post office unit, in hospital, she would normally receive her letters there itself.
The stage of the mediator was little bit risky although the woman was a distant relative of Bhairvi. One or two time, when she received her letters through her, she found the envelop open, that meant, the letter was opened and read by the old lady out of her own curiosity and frustrations. Bhairvi could not complain to her but after a very short time when the old lady demanded to share the letters of Anand, Bhairvi felt bad about it and ultimately switched off the connection of her mediator.
The parents from both the parties in the matter of matrimony were still not agreed and Anand decided to move to Bhopal for formal talks with the parents of Bhairvi. Her father and mother were settled in Bhopal. His father was a retired G.P.O. in-charge of Philately Bureau and mother was a housewife. Since long they were living in the city and made a house in Kohefiza. Her maternal uncles were in Kerala. As a matter of fact the pressure of un-approval was more from her Kerala relatives, who were far from Bhopal but since they had strong sentiments for Bhairvi, they were reluctant to marry her to any of North-Indian-Marwari (for them anybody belonging to the state of Rajasthan was a Marwari)
In India people still hesitate to extend their relation beyond their cast and in distant lands, although lot of water is flown from the river Ganges, since this country had been the victim of her own conservative ideas and after awakening in the modern days. It is again a strange reality that people still have a biased opinion for Marwaris who are great entrepreneurs and adventurers so for as the mixing, outgoing and developing the new ways of life is concerned. This community at large had a global presence and deep-rooted ties with all the other communities of the world and that way the Marwaris have proved that they are the free people and believe in the cosmopolitan culture.
In this respect the prejudiced feeling of Bhairvi's maternal uncle's was not justified. Anand wanted to see that the bridge is made and the gap between them is over at the earliest so that he may have a good settled and happy married life with Bhairvi. His visit to Bhopal was only related to his wishful thinking and he was keen to see the both ends meet so far his parents were concerned he was ready to go against them. He was sure that after the marriage everything will be all right.


29/IN THE CITY OF KHWAJA

.Anand had left his teaching job of Udaipur and joined a daily news paper as Chief Sub Editor in Ajmer, the famous city of khwaja the Garibnawaj. He was also contributing a regular column for the city edition of the news paper which created controversy. The latest one being his sensational series "N" which was emotionally very touching investigative reporting about the under ground sex rackets of city and through that series he exposed one after the othermany white collar prestigeous persons from community of students, teachers, doctors, photographers and nursing college and even religions ethnic groups, who were involved in that girlie activity. This sensational investigative column—‘N.’in the world famous city of Dargah Sharif exposed number of persons who were indulged in the dubious sex activity and spoiled the moral fiber of the city. The inside story was related to one educated girl of reputed family, who was tempted to become a part of the organized prostitution. Before that as a young ambitious girl she was like a 'fork in the road' that was unfortunate for her as she joined as a receptionist in a local guest house, but very soon she was taken to different farm houses to entertain high up people of society.
The first letter of the name of that girl was “N” hence Anand only used that letter exposed her underground connections with some people involved in the licentious activity in city… Anand received lot of phone calls and even letters of 'dire-consequence' at his home and in the office for stopping the publication of column ‘N’ but he never cared and simply handed over these letters to the proprietor of the paper and informed him about the matter. He usually received the threatening phone calls after mid-night. As a seasoned author and a mature journalist he wrote bold and untold story of immoral health of the city and deteriorated condition of its people which could spoil the entire society at large…
It was an interesting meeting of Anand with –‘N’- Neena.She was a true sport girl of beautiful five feet nine inch height.Her complexion was wheatish..Since she was representing her state in Basketball and was selected for the national team..she would mostly be seen practicing in the Basketball court of Sophia College for which she was given a special permission, although she was not student of that college .In addition the liberal Principal also allotted single room in girls hostel so that she could practice day and night on the court.She was winner of a national merit scholarship for her past performances.
Anand met her only during some sports event and was impressed by her zeal and one point program, which she decided.her goal of her life.As Basketball only.After that meeting, Anand published her half page interview in the last page highlighting her ambitions and dreams for becoming number one national player..For which she had proved her caliber in several championships meets of her most favorite game.
Unfortunately the very story published about her achievements became her point of adverse return and she was doomed to a serial exploitation of sex-hunters which blinded all ways of her return to normalcy.
It was evening time when Neena was practicing on the Basketball court with two junior girls when suddenly one old and one young person appeared there .The young boy was holding a camera in his hand and the old one was standing behind him near a sport Bike.In the distance closed wing near the girls hostel were visible a peon and watchman sitting on the openings of the gallery taking out their legs in a relaxing mood.The gate keeper perhaps allowed these two persons to enter the premises after some preliminary formal enquiries.
Neena after her short practice of throwing ball in basket from different angles and distances came to relax a bit on the side green bench where her juniors were offering her clean white towel to clear dust and sweat from her face and body.
‘You are miss Neena ?’The Photographer asked her the first normal question..
‘Yaa.I am.’She replied, then stood up and with her stylish jump and about turn , moved back to court ,after instructing one junior girl for right steps for aiming successful throw towards Basket, she came out of the court for continuing talk with the young Camera-man who was waiting for her.
‘Sorry. I had to give some hints for prompt and calculated moves’She told as a professional trainer.
‘You also train your juniours..?’
‘Not exactly, but I do help those who ask me.’
‘The article in the News Paper is very informative. .It beautifully explores your talent and prospects…’
‘Well it’s O.K. What exactly you want from me. Please tell me little early as I have to go for my three kilometer running walk- She wanted to come to the point.
‘Oh then briefly I am a professional Photographer from Jaipur and he is a very senior freelance- Journalist Mr. Patwardhen,who covers internation sports events and personalities for South Asia Sports Weekly .He is here in Ajmer for three days and wanted your Action Photograph of Basketball…’
‘But there is no event going on here, how you can make action Photos..?
‘Madam I was observing you from distance and your very movements tell story of your inner spirit..Your body language is fantastic…and my experience and Swami’s perfect camera- eye will make sky fall on the court only where you are practicing day and nights.It will be natural if we catch you here on the soil…It makes difference…and the type of…’The elder man was not giving her space to think.
‘O.K, you both know your job better. She politely told them…Then immediately the Photographer brought an Album of Photographs of young and old professionals of different Athletics –Meets which he covered just to convince her that he was not fake but true Photo- Journalist…Neena soon got into their fascinating clutch and initially allowed to take her some ‘so called action photographs’ on the court but told them that after seeing the result she would go for further moves.

Sunday morning was more exciting for Neena when her door of the hostel was knocked..Yesterday’s duo brought eye opening photos of her actions the camera angle was beautiful and the compositions of her movements of legs and hands were so perfect that she could not believe her own eye’s. All was spell-bound…It was all so much impressive in enlarge size that she even forgot to tell them to sit although there was only one room chair and small wooden Deevan for sitting. The moment she realized also she told them to sit…!
‘No madam we will not sit now. First of all please tell us, do you likethese photographs-The young Photographer named Swami asked for her reactions..’
‘Oh they are really fantastic and true to the spirit of the game. .’They are un-matched. .At-least I have not come across such a professional Photographer as you are…Can I keep one or two photographs. I can pay for that if you don’t mind..-Neena became very polite and almost submissive before them…
‘Oh madam you are really great…these all photographs are for you only. .but if you like them, 'Please give me one more chance of photography…I want to make you International Sports Star of Basketball…Swami knew the art of flattery.
And then came out the elder man.-‘what ten thousands words can not express is expressed by a single photo…And I know Swami’s deep-rooted passion…He is beyond and beyond. .My work is simply of giving captions to his art. .I hope you will not disagree with me’
‘Sir with regards, I disagree…as without your words and write up my Photographs are like a beautiful woman who is deaf and dumb.’He added these words in praise of his senior.
It so seemed they definitely came here with some hidden agenda…and soon the ‘Agenda’ was open. They exploited her to the best of their advantage.


30/BASKET BEAUTY WITH BLUE EYES

It so happened that on last Friday when his last page story in his news paper on Neena-‘Basket beauty with blue eyes’ was published it was taken warmly by readers but just after two days , Anand got a call from the Principal of Sophia College that the hostel room allotted to Neena was locked for last saturday and there is seemingly no information of her where about. Even her blind father was unaware of her missing from the hostel.
Anand immediately contacted his city reporter and wanted him to dig into the matter seriously. After some suspicion Anand himself investigated the case and got startling facts about the underground sex-racket which was operating in the city for a long time.The result of his investigative report was his follow-up story and sensational column-‘N’ and.his very first dispatch was on the ‘Missing Links of a river bed of flash’.The exposure of Neena’s case created a wave of terror among the civilized society of Ajmer Sarif…
The News-report started with the fact that the persons who met Neena at the Basketball court were no photo-journalist and a freelancer but blackmailers and international gang of blue- film makers. .They were not Patwardhen and Swami but local Ajmeries, named Hasan Chisti and Umesh Punjabi…The Police were behind that notorious gang which was operating in the vicinity of Faee Saagar and running a sex-racket.in a lavish guest house.. .and unfortunately Neena was perhaps the latest victim of the gang.
In last Saturday, Neena was taken to that sex-den which was situated in a beautiful natural surrounding in the name of some exclusive- studio- Photography but the end-product of their continuous Photo-Session came out as a blue film with quick changes in the settings.
The guest house had all amenities .The studio wall was decorated with variety of photographs, but most of them were of nude girls and ladies .In the studio lot of her photographs were taken in different lights and shades with movements of legs hands and head..Then suddenly she was asked to open her kurta and with bare bra and high heel sandal and a very thin under garment she was exposed for a special fashion magaszine for which thirty thousand rupee cash in advance was offered to her…For some bold poses, she was given some soft drink which completely over-ruled her normal behaviour and then with total licence the photograper’s helper roved his hands on different parts of Neena’s body…every inch of muscles and nerves…
On the front another video was in operation with sound-track, commentary and soft music blue and red lights on her nude body were taking her to another planet. All possible actions of bedroom- sex were exposed in the camera as long as she was unaware…
Whole dizzying and delirious range of sexual possibilities…acts of Wild fox ready to bite…and that way they did everything with Neena to develop a blue film on her life.
Anand’s special column “N” was exposing disgrace on the civilized face of the city and he published the detailed story of ‘Basket Beautiful’ by his by line which created a stir from the very first day it appeared on the third page of city edition in the prominent daily Herald in Ajmer, the pilgrimage old city of Muslims, Hindus, Jains, Sikhs, Arya Smaji’s and so many ethnic groups.


31/TWO STRANGE INDIVIDUALS
But to his astonishment, at one night shift when Anand was busy in his news paper office,he encountered two very strange individuals, one was in Burqa, the other fellow- stout Muslim man was in green Pathan suit. They were husband and wife and entered the office at about eleven O’clock. Initially they were not allowed to enter in the office but, when the watchman approached Anand and told him that one Muslim couple was interested to see him and told him that they knew him, Anand allowed them to come.
Anand was busy with Tale-printer. He was cutting news pieces from the roll and arranging them in order for translation… By that time both his so called known persons entered his room and settled before the editor’s desk, waiting for his attention
The man in Pathan suit was rough and tough in his look and the lady in burqa was silent behind her black attire. Anand’s attention was more towards the man who formally said him Aadab Janab (Hello gentleman!)
“Hello” – Anand replied to his aadab and extended his hand for shake-hand. Man on the other-side of the desk accepted his Shake hand, in a very strong and warm grip.
Anand could not make it, who the gentle couple might be and how ‘they’ told the watchman, they knew him…. He was little bit disturbed but did not show slightest sign of impatience or hurry…. Rather he was anxious to know their introduction….
The man introduced himself as Soharab and congratulated him for his column “N” which he told to have read in New Delhi few days back. He also showed his interest for having earlier copies of his write up.
“Well, thank you very much for your interest in my column, but you can only get the earlier publication tomorrow from the office." Anand told Mr. Sohrab but wanted to know from him, how come he is known to him; since his watchman informed him they knew him!
"Mr.Anand we were helpless. Had I not told it to the watchman, perhaps, we would not be able to see you… but now we have come here to have your favour!
“What is my favour? Anand enquired, he wanted to get rid of the couple at the earliest. “I don’t understand what favour I can do to you…” Anand was little bit excited, but kept his voice low.
“We request you to drop the story of Hassan Chisti from your column “N” which may be explosive for all of us”…. Soharb told him- “we may give you any price for that...”
…And before Mr. Soharab completed his sentence, the lady in burqa brought out from her purse two bundles of thousand rupees notes and a small pistol …. And while putting both the bundle of notes and pistol on the table, she with a very dramatic manner told Anand “Now the choice is yours”
What is all this? Anand for a moment could not understand this nonsense! He, for a moment, thought strongly about the dignity of his position and reputation of the paper for which he was working.
"It’s pitty on both of you! How dare you enter in my office with such a dirty idea to bribe me… how? Mr. Sohrab you please immediately leave the room or I will call my watchman… and then out of excitement Anand took another move… he took hot line telephone in his hand and before the voice of the Chief Editor was heard from the other end…. Anand in a shouted tone expressed his mood…” What type of people can come here, I feel sorry to say you sir, and this is our reputation?" … But before the drama reached the climax point…. there was an anti-climax before his eyes…. The burqa lady opened her burqa! She was none else ……..but…. Shaheen…!
“Yes I am, Shaheen and he is Mr. Asad… my husband and not any Sohrab. Hope you liked the drama of this mid-night… we have reached from Pakistan-today only… my husband was very much interested to meet you… Shaheen was very normal. Her husband Asad laughed… laughed and laughed … the room echoed with his laugh.
‘So you are Mr. Anand, you are a true and really a brave journalist. Shaheen always talked about you…" Actually it is her drama…. not mine… She is now doing repertory- theatre in Pakistan… Hope you don’t mind it… you know her better, she is your old friend.
And before Shaheen put back the thousand rupee bundles and a toy pistol in her bag, Asad gave him a big hand. All three of them decided to meet next day near Daulat Bagh.
Outside the paper there was hot and excited air. The Chief Editor was in his night gown, quite serious. Two police jeep reached there to meet any eventuality and challenge… but when Anand came out with his “friends” in smiling mood, as if nothing happened, they all relaxed. He already conveyed his chief that what happened few minute back in his chamber was a mid-night drama and a friendly gesture from his old friend from Pakistan. That was all.

When Anand entered through the Nashihan side gate of Daulat Bagh, the next day at dot 5p.m. as decided, he was surprised to see only Shaheen waiting outside the park and Mr. Asad was not there. Before he wanted to know the reason of her husband not turning, Shaheen herself came out with the statement- “Asad was busy with his second wife Nighat in Durgah Sarif and sent me alone to meet ‘my old friend’ (you) here…” and with these words, she smiled and looked at Anand. She also told him that Asad would be reaching at Baradari after an hour leaving his wife at Khadim Guest House.
Anand did not react to that and in a very normal mood stepped in the Daulat Bagh with Shaheen moving towards the Baradari. In the garden there was little crowd as it was still not cool and the hot air was blowing. Here and there some old persons, middle aged ladies with children were relaxing and playing and a group of mixed age of persons was busy in the game of chess, very close to the Mahadev Temple, under huge Banyan tree spread in many branches and thick foliage. It so seemed to Anand as if the tree is witnessing his visit with Shaheen again and again and since several births they are visiting the same place and will be coming here again and again, like this… till the journey and their relationship culminate and ends at one particular point finally. He was emotionally moved by the Hindu doctrine of rebirth and for few minutes he was lost somewhere. Only Shaheen brought him back to normalcy fanning her palm before his face with thinking eyes. They reached the beautiful Baradari made of white marble on the north east face of the Anasagar Lake, developed at the time of the Mughal Emperor Shahajahan.
The water of lake was touching the feet of the architectural grandiose, going back to the times of Shahjahan. It created nostalgia in Shaheen's mind.
"Do you know Anand, where did we meet freely first time in our life..?"
"You might have forgotten, but that memory is still in every beat in my heart - Anand became bit emotional."
"How you say so easily. I remembered those intimate moments for years, even after I got married to Asad... and Kapil Muni's Kolayat has become my weakness. Perhaps you cannot imagine I made several tours to the adjoining land of Kolayat where Indo-Pak boarder meet... rather I initiated some social work activities of Madarsa’s to promote literacy among the poor and illiterate population in those remote places just to feel and keep alive our lost love, which is mature in me yet... and that too Asad accepted initially, like a good friend and liberal husband.
"Shaheen, you people feel, its only woman who suffers from love. But I never wanted to touch those silent areas which have gone very far from me now, since I started taking life like a traveller... No attachment to past, only enjoying the present. Past is a history, not for indulgence although that is fascinating." Anand briefly wanted to make his point of reference clear just to avoid farther complication in their relation, as Shaheen was a married lady and her husband Asad supported her to the extent that he accepted Ahsas as his own son... what else one can expect from a man made from the same bones and gravy... Anand thought there was now no need of grating sounds in their life, which seemed to have settled very well by now..
I am sorry Anand if I have disturbed you, now tell me, Are you married? How many children do you have...? Your wife is in Ajmer...? Where does she live?" So many questions, one by one, not gving space to Anand to answer one single question!
"Shaheen I am still a two legged man but feel, habits die very hard, you still have the same questioning mind as you left in the desert area, searching the xerophyte herbs Anand could not reply her basic enquiry and for that he suddenly became conscious to have contradicted his own philosophy to leave past and..!
I don't understand, what do you mean? She asked him.
"Well, I can answer your one question, at one time, not all the questions at one stretch - my memory is very short." Anand told her.
No I don't accept that... you have been only appreciated because of your fantastic memory... you remembered each and every herb of, Kolayat desert at that time when we were class fellows - Shaheen took him back to past... !
O.K., you win, I lose, as always... Hope you don't impose your ideas on Asad like you have been... And there was the interruption... Asad was just behind. Shaheen and Anand were busy in their digging the past gold mine of romance... directly or indirectly.
"Dear Shaheen I have reached in time to disturb you. ! Asad was smiling just behind their back.
"Oh, Mr. Asad we were rather waiting for you where were you lost? Anand asked him pointedly.
That you might have known from "Shahee !" Asad did not call her Shaheen but Shahee..!
No, I did not tell him anything about your new adventures - Shaheen told.
"My new adventure, what's that? It’s a news to me mohtarma (Madam) Asad countered."
"OK leave the matter, please come and sit... here Anand has kept this space vacant for you! Shaheen told Asad in happy, good mood but with pleasing satire!"
"Oh, really, your Anand is g..r..e..a..t ! Was it not my place?
"Well sir, it is too much, please don't bring me between your love & war, for grace of god… Anand did not want to touch the sensitive issue further so he stood up; Shaheen did not move from cool marble floor and simply tured her neck and told Asad - "Now it is already late. Please be seated like a disciplined boy!”
So that's the case. Anand thought in himself. He was happy to see them in good sporting term...!Even to that extent that Shaheen told before Asad that as soon as she found free time from her husband’s busy schedule,she will visit India alone and meet him as she always felt close to him .
‘I am really happy to see Shaheen happy with you Asad’- Anand told his fellow sitting next to him.
‘Since how long you are a journalist, Anand sahib?Asad asked him
‘Any doubt?’
‘No doubt at all. But you have not yet understood your old love.’
‘What do you mean Asad?’
‘Because whatever she told you, you accepted it as a line engraved on stone.’
‘I am still not clear what you mean to say.’Tell me what you people want to prove like this?’
‘First of all the man before your eyes is Sohrab…not Asad…glad to meet you Anand…But please don’t doubt about the lady…mohterma is Shaheen’
NOW SOHRAB AND NOT ASAD.wondrful nautanki this time! Anand thought.
It was a drama like situation.For that moment Anand kept himself little ready to see the next part of play.
It was Shaheen now- ‘Anand what Sohrab telling you now is hundred and one percent correct.Meet Mr Soharab now in his real identity...He is head of the department of Dramatics in Lahore University…a chronic bachelor and my friend. We are not married.We were in National School of Drama in some international seminarin Delhi and thought to meet you that's all’-Shaheen told him another ‘good’ story.
‘So now I should admit, I am no more with Asad. Isn’t it? Anand asked.
‘Yes, Asad is behind the Jail with his old friend….MY ONE HOUR HUSBAND SAADAT.
‘Your one hour friend…and Asad in jail…what happened to him…He married you? Anand was perturbed by hearing all that.
This is a long story.Better to forget all that.I don’t want to remember him anymore…She was serious.
‘And what about….when you left… you were pregnant…I heard…
‘I did not abort the child…He is safe and sound…I have given him name…AHSAS…our A..H..S..A..S. Do you like the name? Shaheen asked him.
Anand was silent spectator.The lone ‘audience’ of the drama.’ Good name, he murmered…Shaheen put out bunch of photograps of Ahsas…in cradle…on floor…in the tub in swimming mood…and cycling..,
‘I have not taken any photograph of Ahsas after this cycling photo…Shaheen’s eye’s were wet.
And after a pause she told Anand… by grace of ALLAH, he was saved on the same day…He was in the trap of kidnnapers.That was his happy birth day and his loving uncle Sohrab had brought cycle for his ‘youngest friend’.
……..
They coud’nt talk more .The Annasagar lake was silent. All three of them looking beyond the sky.It was a cloudy day with difference
In that nostalgic evening, the old wines of memories were served in the new bottles but in shaddy glasses... The present past and future merged & lost its straight line path and became part of circular time, happened earlier was happening and will be happening as all again. All three of them left...-‘ Khwam Khwah Ke teen Darwaje," the unfinished Bharadari... of the time of Shahajahan. What a strange, the emperor who build Taj Mahal, couldn't finish the last Baradari..! And it was left unfinished for ever. What a tragic mystery!Perhaps men and matter sometime meet the same end.


32/IN THE CITY OF NAWABS
Anand took little rest after creating sensation by his column ‘N’ and left for Bhopal to meet his fiancée to settle the long pending marriage issue.It was his first visit to the erstwhile city of Nawabs. The station was like any other old railway junction and when he came down from his three tier sleeper, there was nobody to receive him. He was not very much known in the city and except Bhairvi no one was also that intimate. He had to straight away go to some nearby hotel to settle. And after some formalities, he was supposed to reach Hamidia Hospital to meet his love.

Anand wanted to reach at the Post Office little earlier to the scheduled time. Bhairvi had been talking to him yesterday till late night. Over the telephone many issues regarding their marriage were discussed. The main emphasis of Bhairvi was on keeping the chapter of Shaheen and Ahsas closed for ever. She was not in favour to disclose the past history of Anand to her parents and expected the same from him. She thought this necessary in the interest of their happy married life.

On the other hand Anand wanted to be transparent in the matter but because of her strong objection, he dropped the idea of revealing everything to Mr Narayan Murti, The father of Bhairvi about his old relations, his illegitimate son from Shaheen and her marriage with Asad in Pakistan,


It was raining when he moved from hotel capital to Hamidia Hospital. Anand was in his glad rags, since he had come to meet Bhairavi after a gap of about six month, he made his mind to finally settle - all matters with her and her parents. He was not in a mood to delay, as already more than two years time had gone just in waiting for the confirmation from her parent’s side

He knew that Bhairvi was adamant to marry him and she declared before her mother & father that except Anand there was nobody in her mind and he was the ultimate choice, If she is not married to him, she would remain unmarried throughout her life. It was her tough decision and that kept her parents unhappy for at least one year, after they knew about the extent of development of their relationship..She became pale and weak day-by-day and due to all this, her parents after around a year and half decided to arrange a meeting with Anand, who was then in Ajmer.
Just a week back, he had put an end to his series N, not becauseof any pressure from his Chief or the proprietor of the paper but it was because, he wanted to take little rest and see what was the real feedback of his write-up.. he also wanted to take a week leave to meet Bhairvi and her parent in Bhopal for final settlement of their marriage as the matter then required urgent attention, Bhairvi became so nervous, too much tired, that she told him by telephone that any further delay in their marriage might cause her to say goodbuy to him for ever/ Her two-three earlier letters were also written in most disturbed mood which shown her losing confidence in life... she was not normal and wanted to see him immediately and settle the issue of marriage with her parents without any further delay.
From Capital hotel, he contacted Bharirvi by telephone to fix place and time for their meeting. He wanted to meet her somewhere close to his staying place, since he was not familiar with the city. She told him to meet her at the Post Office branch of Hamidia Hospital and even instructed him to come through Nursing Hostel side gate. This entry point was close for both of them.
He handed over key of his room at the reception, got some idea of Hamidia Hospital, hired a three-wheeler and reached there within ten minute. The road leading to the post office branch of Hamida was dividing the outdoor, emergency and Nursing Hostel and the main hospital complex was looking like white clothes spread over the stretched muscles of rockyland. He was moving in the upward direction of the slope and felt himself for a moment like a mountaineer.
It was another fall of Anand. For person like him there was perhaps… no code of conduct! As it was clear from this one instance that just after two minute, he was going to meet his third "love" Bhairvi but before that long awaited contact, he met anothe casuality. He faced one more attractive hurdle, and in the simplest word, it was something beyond his perception. It was again a girl; he was hypnotized by her beauty. She was in her group of five to six other white Ducks…Nurses in day to day terminology… and they were all moving on the right side of the road, perhaps to turn towards the nursing hostel after completing their night shift. The center of attraction for Anand was shinning statue like very proportionately build in her usual white tunic and long stocking shoes, descending the slope. Her eyes half slept but the moment Anand focused his eyes on her face, she became little bit conscious of her own existence as to feel his penetrating eye’s hitting directly her body heart and mind…She pushed another nurse took turn and shielded her gorgeous look. She managed to shift her face on the right side, giving Anand a hint that she was touched by his lustful attempt beholding his image in nanoseconds of her shifting eyeballs. Anand fortunately was not at a long gap and in a delightful mood asked the same young lady of his - choice-‘Madm willl you please tell me, which direction I have to go for post office..?
‘Same direction .Go straight’ - she obliged him by giving reply. Almost siding by her force another nurse, and took two-three steps little fast and looked him again from her back, when Anand himself was standing on the same place, almost free in appreciation of his thrilling new discovery.
Anand waited on the road for few minutes without taking any further step in the direction of Bhairvi.. He wanted to confirm that the group of these ducks (Nurses) moves towards the right slope... in the direction of Nursing Hostel. His expectation was true to his feeling. The ducks turned and disappeared leaving him alone in this world!
... No he was not going to be defeated like this. He knew his life and leanings very well. An idea floated in his mind that he will definitely not lose the chance to meet her new discovery- He decided to come back to explore further his brand-new game of adventure....!
Unfortunately he was moving ahead to meet Bhairvi for whom he was in Bhopal but his mind became a sandwich between two toasts.For him both were delicious but the latest 'lady-swan' was more delicious to his eye’s.
Anand met Bhairvi at the Post Office. Fortunately he was in time but Bhairvi came bit late.
"It's strange that I am in your city and made to wait for you" - Anand received her in little bit satirical manner
"Yes, This is perhaps first time in your life... hope you have not met somebody attractive in the way" - Bhairvi looked at Anand and smiled.
"Who can be more beautiful than you in Bhopal. If you feel there is anybody in your circle, you can at least tell me (incidentally the image of two minute back girl in waiting was in his mind)! well now let me know what is your programme and when I can meet your father"... Anand asked.
"I have taken leave today and informed my father about your visit. He is keen to see you today only... its better we both go home in the evening and before that, we sit somewhere and hear stories from each other... at least I have many things to tell you and also interested to hear about new happening in your life."- Bhairvi told Anand and after few minutes they left in the other direction to hire a three wheeler. Bhairvi told the taxi man to take them to new market.
They had coffee in Coffee-House… visited nearby British Council Library where Bhairvi introduced him to Mrs. Menon… their mediator of love letters in Bhopal, went to Birala Mandir, where Anand cut a joke—‘Do you have anybody of your old lover in the temple you are going to introduce me.?’ Bhairvi did not like this joke and bluntly came forward with the reaction—‘Yes there is one lady in burqua... hope you would like to see her…She is…Anand interrupted and told her—‘Sorry for my comment..! Both of them started for Kohefiza…home of Bhairvi’s father.
The meeting of Anand with Bhairvi's father was very congenial and fruitful. He along with Bhairvi reached Shiv-Villa, the house of her father little earlier then the schedule time. When he entered the main gate her father was washing his old Fiat Car. His look was like a true South Indian man and he was dressed in only one knee- half printed cloth-Lungi. There was no cloth on the upper part of the body which was showing his normal health. Perhaps he never thought that he will reach along with Bhairvi directly and also before time, but when both of them got down from the Three-wheeler, her father felt little embarrassing. Any way after a formal introduction by Bhairvi, he was greeted humbly by her father and Anand with folded hand told him Namaskar (Hello) and with regard touched his feet.
The reception of Anand in Bhairvi's house was very warm. Her mother and aunt were also there at home, already prepared South Indian dishes for him. The discussion about their marriage was also in cordial atmosphere and briefly the decision of the possible date of there nuptial-knot was also discussed and it was decided that by the end of November the marriage ceremony would be formalized. It was really a happy turning point of their life.
Beside the important decision certain other factors were also discussed. Bhairvi's father was a straight forward but simple man and he told him that their would be no pomp show of any kind in the marriage but the marriage would take place in a South Indian Temple in mixed customs. He also told him to convince and prepare his father and mother so that the marriage would solemnize with the consent of both the parties.
After all that, Anand left Bhairvi at her home and departed from there to hotel capital where he was staying. All the members of Bhairvi's home left him till the bus stop where from he had to collect taxi. Bhairvi told him separately that she would meet him nextday at the same place and same time in the Post Office.... Anand was little bit excited to hear.... same place and same time... there was one more image in his mind and that was the image of the fourth love.... perhaps he would meet her.... would he meet her? Would she be there again nextday? Would she be a part of his life?
"What happened, are you not coming tomorrow?" Bhairvi asked him lightly after seeing him little perplexed.
"No, nothing... I was thinking something else. I will be there but please ring me after an hour in my hotel, and Anand left them all waving.
Late in the night since Bhairvi was on the line over the telephone. Lot many issues were discussed. Bhairvi gave more emphasis on keeping the chapter of Shaheen and his son Ahsas closed for ever. She strongly advocated, the matter should not be discussed with her parents, since she was little bit worried that if Anand’s past life is brought in light before her parents that may cause the cancellation of their marriage. She also did not expose the matter earlier before her parents and it was always kept secret… rather it was just between him and her and that all caused tension in Anand In Anand's mind the latest meeting with Shaheen and Asad in Ajmer was also creating disturbance. He felt himself again guilty of not telling anything about the event, which brought before him, a very different image of the most liberal couple from Pakistan, with them he enjoyed three days, which became unforgettable, for ever... rather he, even did not think in his dream that such relations of husband and wife are possible on the earth. Asad took him very-very friendly and gave total freedom to Shaheen to meet him (the old friend from whom she had a son) what a beautiful, bold, courageous and clear understanding was growing between Asad and Shaheen, it was beyond his imagination... but on the opposite side, he felt very much oppressed, in labyrinth. He proved himself as the absconder from the realities, coward and weak, so for as the transparency in the relations was there between him and Bhairvi was concerned. They both perhaps did not attain that maturity as was seen and expressed in the life and actions of Asad and Shaheen.
Since he wanted that before marriage there should be total transparency between both the parties and he also thought that on the part of Bhairvi, it was not right that she kept her parents in dark. Anand thought again and again that he would try his best to take Bhairvi’s father in confidence and would tell him the realities of his past life… at the same time he did not want to go against the feeling of Bhairvi… rather it was such a perplexing situation that Anand never thought of… and that too in his life became a problem, the solution was not visible even at a far end.

Anand was in the Post Office. His mind was busy in planning for his next progamme with Bhairvi…but in his heart was dancing yesterday’s attractive white swan…the event that distracted his path once again. ..And he was seeing the possibilities of meeting both Bhairvi and the new wondrous beauty…a swan in the group of ducks…and to his surprise both of his targets were approaching close to him from opposite direction..Bhairvi getting down from a three-wheeler and his lady swan from the other side ascending the slope.Anand became a middle man in a state of pendulum. He could not dare to look in the direction of his point of lesser return, moved swiftly towards Bhairvi to give her a warm reception. She was coming with her slow steps. She was looking very attractive and sensitive and was in her, unusual printed blue-black silk Sari and blouse and not with her formal nursing dress. Her face was gracefully expressing her inner peaceful self.

‘Anand do you have some change? Bhairvi asked
‘Yes… how much?
‘Give him six rupees.’
Anand paid the taxi man.
‘Now I’ll take your five minute more…I go and come…simply for formality. I'll show my face in the office… I have already taken permission from our head…you please wait here or come with me in my department…’Bhairvi told him lot within a very short time..
‘O.K, please take your time…I’ll be comfortable here only…He permitted her to rush since he also thought to at least have one more close-up glance of his new discovery…She was moving like a star among her friends in a very informal manner… her back… sharply focused within his reach also. Without giving a second thought, Anand steamed off, took little fast steps…and followed his adventure...he passed through the ducks… not looking at the target… posing himself as a busy man, Anand took some more fast steps… reaching at a point below a tree took his position there just to have a full-flagged glance of the girl swan… while she was turning towards right …and according to his calculations everything just happened on the same way as he conceived. He could not stop himself to follow her more closely by that time almost touching her body he moved little fast. She took his notice and another nurse pointedly remarked-‘See D’ your hero has come again… the group laughed...they all entered into the Nursing Hostel and disappeared for a while… but after break-up one section appeared on the long balcony… his target ,the lady-Swan was not visible.. Anand waited for one or two minutes but after realizing his position and the Bhairvi’s relation, he immediately detached himself from that place and moved fast so as to reach at the post office before Bhairvi found him disappeared…He almost ran to touch the point where Bhairvi had already reached.
‘What happened… you had gone somewhere? She asked him pointedly.
‘Perhaps I have lost my valuable Parker…I just went for search..Anand told a plain lie…
‘Oh, bad. Shall we search again? She enquired.
‘I don’t see any possibility now…It’s gone with the wind.
‘O.K, its upto you…Now what I decided.I think now we can move to your hotel …there we may plan for our next moves-’ she told.
‘No problem…’Anand walked down with her for some time then called for a taxi . ..Both of them reached hotel Capital.Anand got the key for his room from the reception… ordered for single- tray of tea…and without using the lift they reached the second floor...opened the room…and settled…
It was a good double-bed room.Bhairvi took the window side sofa.Anand felt comfortable on his bed…both were silent for a while then Bhairvi came forward..She asked Anand-‘I think you’ll be here for a week…’
‘Yes I thought so but after favorable talk with your father I felt relaxed I think I could go back and join duty.’Anand told.
‘So you want to relieve me soon…Is’nt that right?
‘I can live here till you like…but you know after all both of us are in new jobs…I don’t know about your office…In my case my management don’t believe in granting leaves ...and since I am in a very senior position they depend on me very much…’Anand explained his problem…
‘Yes I can understand your position…Bhairvi accepted his version.
There was knock on the door…Tea boy entered in the room…he kept the tray properly and left the room.Anand brought Bhairvi to his opposite bed. He did a little exercise for that …stood from his bed…told Bhairvi to be bit free…took her fingers in his fingers… and after a light and smiling hands-up show both settled well in informal setting.Bhairvi served him tea. ...when she was mixing sugar in the tea pot , her earrings diamonds twinkled…she put her pallu of light pink Kota-doria sari gracefully on her right shoulder and with her silent but sharp eye’s looked Anand.. Perhaps Anand was waiting for the gesture which has been her most Killing angle.
‘When ever you at look me like this I feel nervous.’Anand took cup of tea from her hand and looked her with intimate smile.
‘And when you stare at me like this I feel myself insecured..She gave her point of view on Anand’s ideas…Both knew at their ends that the path they have chosen culminates finally into a wed-lock and they were happy that some dead-lock came to an end.
‘So you are feeling better in your new job? Bhairvi asked him.
‘To some extent..I am satisfied…but as you know of my nature…
And before Anand would tell her more, she with little stress interrupted him saying—‘Anand you have already enjoyed maximum freedom and all that cost us delaying every important descision..For god’s sake please tell me no more of your n..a..t..u..r..e..please no more. Now be responsible …’
‘Bhairvi I don’t contradict you….I agree for what you said…but…
‘No if and but’s now in our life… take me with you right now… I can’t wait for you Anand..I can’t…She was sobbing and put her hands on her eye’s…Anand also felt himself responsible for this delay and for the long indecision. He stood up and gone close to Bhairvi… took her head on his left arm… from his right hand fingers he attempted to remove her and kissed her first at her fore head and then…her lips.. Bhairvi with little push kept him away from her with hardness in her voice, she told Anand –No Anand don’t do all this with me…sit at your place..! I am all right now… Anand came back to his position…For some time there was silence in the room…then suddenly Bhairvi got up from her bed gone back to her original sofa paced distantly, put her disturbed pallu of sari at the right position ..just moved inside the bathroom ,washed her face and again came back…with changing her tone and trying in vain to become normal, she told Anand just standing like a statue—‘Anand I want to go home…please leave me out of hotel..’
‘What happened, Bhairvi? Please be comfortable for some time…we both move out…but please relax..!’
‘No I’ll not stay here ...and after a pause she told Anand—O.K you stay here I am going alone. She without waiting for a single second just came out of the room as if she had some strange and strong feeling against Anand.
Anand also came out of the room. Both of them left the hotel premises without talking to one another …Bhairvi was pressurizing continuously to go alone but Anand anyhow managed to call a taxi, he got into it with her and told the taxiwala to take them to New Market, for which she did not oppose. They reached Coffee-house.
‘What happened to you in hotel…why you were so upset? Anand asked her.
‘Anand I am really fed-up of this sort of life…’ She replied.
‘What sort of life? Anand wanted to know her problem.
‘Anand you will leave me alone again and go back’
‘But this time everything is clear from your father’s side. Do you have any doubt in that?’
‘No I have no problem from my father’s side. I feel you have not yet made your parents agreed for this marriage…as there is still some stigma in your mother’s mind about my being a leapor..’Bhairvi opened her card of frustration.
‘Dear, now there is absolute change in the public-opinion of leprosy and your case is very different as you have very successfully over come the disease by taking regular treatment…You are an exceptional case rather the ideal one and our marriage will be examplory’Anand assured her again and that filled new confidence in her ..
‘Anand you are really a different person...I don’t know what you have seen in me. Except full faith in you I have no other base. .’Bhairvi put her hand on Anand’s hand …There were very few groups in the Coffee-House.
.They discussed about the marriage formal ceremonies to be executed from both sides…and decided to go to some movie in the nearby Rang Mahal takies..Both of them did not know what picture was running, but after reading the News Paper they felt happy. The movie was Mera Nam Joker, a grand Raj Kapoor’s Production…
The movie was very good having a philosophical base. .Bhairvi was moved by the character the hero RajKapoor played. .It was a marvelous love story with humanitarian base and international appeal. The music and lyrics were fantastic that specially impressed Anand. Overall the film was successfully knit around the theme and characters which was the beauty of R.K.banners. After the film Bhairvi took Anand to the lake connecting the garden and both of them talked in detail about the time passed. The days, months and the years gone in waiting, waiting and waiting.
They enjoyed a beautiful sun-setting point at Bhopal Taal(lake) standing over the bridge of Kamala-Nehru Park..The golden red images glowing and splitting colors and in the right the silhouetted impressions of the old city was playing magic .Anand had the privilege of holding Bhairvi in his right arm circling her with slight pressure expressing feeling of heart…and Bhaivi had also passionately surrendered as she did not want to detach herself from his love Anand for a single moment now onward..
‘Bhairvi are you going to join your duties from tomorrow?’ Anand asked her.
‘I don’t want to know about the next moment of my life. .I am at your disposal..do whatever you like. I even don’t know what I’ll do after you leave me alone. ..again…It’s all beyond my tolerance now.. Please help me to come out from this madness’.. Bhairvi started sobbing again. And Anand took her close in his arms.
Bhairvi I also feel. What life I have been living without you…Shall I tell it life..? Without you I am lifeless. .You are my energy dear, you are my only love now. .I left everything in my life…just in waiting and waiting for my Bhairav..! (Out of love Anand told her Bhairav not Bhairavi)..He brought her lips close to his lips and gave her a deep kiss.. This time Anand was lucky to have enjoyed the passionate kiss of her lady-love. In the darkness both of them merged with the nature…they became part of the nature..!
They had dinner together. With Bhairvi’s Papa and Mom with one erstwhile M.P, known to Bhairvi’s Papa, since the time he was state level Minister in the state Ministry that dinner was decided by the Minister himself just to show closeness and old ties with this South Indian family and to impress Anand of good prospects of marriage from their side…They had interesting talks regarding how Bhairvi’s father had come in touch with this purely ‘Barroot kaat Bhopali’ politician (son of the soil).Besides that the minister known about Anand’s credentials in an informal manner.


33/THE SAME LADY SWAN

Next morning Anand got a very early call. It was to his surprise that Bhairvi arranged for an outing at Bhojpur, the old site of king Bhoj and famous for India's biggest Shiv Lingam (Phalus of lord Shiva).She informed Anand that she would be reaching hotel Capital with one of her closest friend…also a nurse in Hamidia.
And what Anand never thought in his dream was before his eye’s…The same lady Swan! He really could not believe his eyes. Is she the same nurse whom he encountered the very first day when he was going to meet Bhairvi in the hospital and the lady before whom he had totally surrendered like a mad person…even to the extent he had pursued her till her hostel…yes it was she, who came out of an Ambassador taxi along with Bhairvi. Anand was not in a position to face them together.His heart was beating quickly at seeing her with Bhairvi…was anything wrong? He felt a bit nervous; his movement towards the road side was very slow as if some one had taken his heart outside his body…What he will do if his one day old tale is told by the lady swan to Bhairvi, her close friend. Will he at all survive the chances of marrying with Bhairvi after it. He was speechless. His brain was hot…his body almost trembling..! What is going to happen now..?
Anand had to receive his guests formally. Bhairvi with her friend…and Anand on the other end..!
‘Anand meet my only good friend of Bhopal…She met me recently. 'I am miss Devine Fer….and before she completed her sentence, she became conscious…but then within a second’s time ,she completed her broken words.. Miss Fernandes..!’She also looked at him with little stress but then smiled with softness, as if something …abnormally happened.
Anand with bit serious node told her Namaskar (hello).
‘What happened ,how both of you are so serious suddenly…as if you already knew each other and I am a wrong person to introduce you’ —Bhairvi expressed her feelings.
Before he could speak, Divine came forward in his defence.
‘Bhairvi you had already told me about Mr. Anand so many things... that I was rather excited to see him at the moment’. The new entrant in Anand’s life intelligently handled the situation…although from her inner heart Divine was not happy to see Anand, her friend’s future husband in this ‘Road Romeo’ situations..,still as a mature individual she wanted to observe his case in ‘wait and see’ stage.
Anand was feeling a sort of moral crises for which he was not at all prepared…still he also wanted to observe Bhairvi’s friend’s case in wait and see stage. Rather Anand and divine were moving on parallel boat…seeing and observing one another and keeping an attitude of-‘let it go naturally. As if it was going to be a joint venture for both of them…Bhairvi for few moments was not able to understand what was going inside in others mind…? Still she was purely concerned with her final target …to make Anand happy…and enjoy the company of Divine too who was her true friends of last one and half year… with whom she had shared each and every part of her private life as in divine she had real good faith so far…! Will she deliver the same good as of now she was doing it…Bhairvi was little bit nervous this time…why, perhaps she did not know !
Their destiny brought them to an old and ancient kingdom…Bhojpur …the grand historic sight of the old capital of the famous king Bhoj witnessed the greatest architectural beauty of medieval Hindu creativity…and besides the vast Shiv-Ling, there was a small township and the quit flowing of the river Betwa in a valley surrounded by forest... It was the closest sight of glamorous grandeur and could be the best place to visit along with Anand as suggested by her friend Divine.

Even she took fast initiative in arranging for an Ambassador car for the opportunity. .Coincidentally she never thought in her dream that her Bhairvi’s Anand would be the same person whom she encountered in Hamidia two days back and had eye to eye contact which went deep in her heart and also touched her sensuously. .Had she known all this, she would have not come to see him ... suggested an excursion to the tourist point. At this juncture Divine was feeling herself guilty of this proposed visit which was definitely her move…and her friend Bhairvi innocently accepted that as an exciting idea, rather she felt flying like a crane in the blue skies of romance.. Moreover her best friend Divine was with her… what else she wanted.. And in real sense she was enjoying those golden moments of life with Anand with whom she was going to be married, by the end of the year. It was also not in her mind that the visit might open a new chapter in her life..!
All three of them reached Bhojpur. The moment Anand came out of the Ambassador taxi, he felt as if he had come to a dreamland. The site was mesmerising. The time Bhairvi Chosen for coming over there was no doubt imaginative.
They reached the historic site named after Raja Bhoj. The sleeping town was founded by the legendary Parmar king of Dhar in the eleventh centaury, as Anand Known it later after reading the monument plate put by Archaeological Survey of India.
Very close to the new capital of Madhya Predesh, Bhojpur was perhaps the best site, renowned for the remains of its magnificent Shiv temple, which has earned the nomenclature of the Somnath of the east. The temple is known as the Bhojeswar. It was never completed and the earthen ramp used to raise it to dome level still stands.
While Anand was busy in the study of the inscription, Bhairvi started taking photographs of the surrounding area. Anand was taken aback, when he had seen Bhairvi at the top of his head over a rock taking his photograph, without telling him to he prepared for the pose. Was she that professional? He thought. There was hardly two feet distance between Bharivi and him and she took a top angle of Anand, also covering Divine who was very close in background in blue silk sari and matching boat necked black blouse, the back side showing gracefully the lower part of her neck, could be very well compared with the long neck of water pot 'Surahee.' She was wearing blue, black and yellow colored bangles only in one hand; the other hand was beautifully decorated by a golden sketch of a bracelet.
Anand was lost in dreams. Divine was looking like a Matsya-Kanya (mythical fisher-girl) ... and the whole area was really giving him a feeling of some grand river shore... Bhairvi had attempted close-up, long distance shots, even artistic portraits of Anand and Divine, taking the best advantage of the platform which was above eight feet from the passage, where they were standing and moving, giving her opportunity to explore her hidden talent of her inborn photographer. She definitely proved within few moments a professional lady camera person, having used zoom lenses of different dimensions within a very short span of time, she gave Anand no time to thinck, as how and from where all this photographic talent had imbibed in Bhairvi ?... After taking 10-15 snaps she came down and joined them.
"So that way you have proved yourself a professional photographer Bhairvi..? Anand told her.
"No I am not that professional, of late I realized that I should learn Photography, my father has given me his old Nicon with good number of tale lenses, Bhairvi told Anand all this in a flow as if she was waiting for this moment in her life. She was excited, after taking good shots to her choice .To her, the angle and deapth played an important role for selecting spots...and one top angle of Anand with Divine was fantastic where only the Semi-circle, cut porson of her blouse exposing her front covered with colored bangles ever shadowing the reflecting beauty of her out-bursting bosoms with cute eyes had been captured.... and that to at the time when Anand was busy in reading the inscription of ASI put on the plinth level of the passage. The new born photographer Bhairvi believed in spontaneity and she gave no time to her object to pose for her camera, she wanted natural settings. And after this show of Bhairvi, Anand also took out his canon and requested to Bhairvi and Divine to pose for him against the backdrop of the lingam in the sanctum, raised to awe-inspiring height of more than seven feet with a circumference beyond anybody's imagination, set upon a massive platform and composed of three super imposed limestone blocks. Anand realised that the whole architectural grandeurs, harmonizing the lingam, platform and two living beauties Bhairvi and Divine created a superb synthesis of solidity and lightness. Anand was also happy to capture in his camera the beauties of the 21st centuary with the best setting of temple architecture of 11th, 13th centaury.
"So you use Canon - Divine asked Anand, her first question of the morning, excursion session.
"Ya, from the day I picked up Camera, Canon became my life partner - Anand replied looking at Bhairvi, who was observing him talking with Divine.
But now your life partner is going to be changed... Divine asked him smilingly giving stress to her words.
"She (Bhairvi) is not going to replace the camera, I am sure she will not be jealous of my camera rather she will be complementary to my life.
"Anand my friend is a special gift to you, you must have realised it in your life... Divine told him.. She was looking at the eyes of Bhairvi.
"And what about your divinity...?
"It’s simply a name please do not confuse it with anything biblical.
"So you do not want to be a Divine gift for anybody for someone in waiting. Anand Asked pointedly.
How can she be a gift? Bhairvi interrupted, totally in a mood to contradict her old friend, "she is not a bunch of flower, she is a five feet long living being.
"Then how can you be a gift for me my darling?
Oh, leave it its all boring... logic counter logic illogic... come out of this idiosyncrasy, lets relax, have one more cup of tea my flask has still hot tea in it. Sit over the rock; let’s enjoy tea now- Divine made things normal.

Perhaps the hidden triangular game started some where in the heaven and the shadows were going to be reflected on the earth..as if everything was pre-destined…The visit of Anand to Bhopal...his going to Hamidia Hospital to meet Bhairvi…his old Udaipur love...an encounter with Divine…his deep first sight attraction towards her…not knowing her closeness with Bhairvi…and the ultimate visit to the old and ancient site Bhojpur by all three of them…! And all this definitely opened new chapters in the life of Anand and Bhairvi and also the third angle of the emerging new love triangle was playing its major but hidden role…this angle named D for Divine.

All three of them were advancing downwards after seeing the ever biggest Lingam of the country in Bhojpur, like flowing streams of a river.. their movement was so silent that even the air blowing was creating murmuring sound in the ear …The famous little Betwa was still away to listen to their flights of life…it was certain that it would beat its rhythmic music creating sound of a whisper with its shining silver line behind the scattered unordered forest valley when all three of them approached close to embrace her first sight…The rocky part of a hillock was taking care of their visitors by not allowing them to move faster.
Anand had the warm hand of his beloved Bhairvi…Divine was little behind thinking about the new adventure of her life…would she betray her close friend Bhairvi? Hadn't she betrayed her by not telling the truth about Anand’s earlier encounter with her? To the extent that he had persuaded her till the tail end of the Nursing Hostel, the very first day before he was going to meet Bhairvi, her friend..! Why she was hiding the facts of his immoral behaviour.. Why.. for whom…for which day or time…after all Bhairvi had been telling her each and everything related to Anand and perhaps she was not aware that his projections of life are like a ‘roady’ man…and he might certainly prove a pseudo-intellectual.. Or a ghost writer or a yellow journalist or anything of a fake, flirt and fraud kind of person if explored…with such sort of running ideas, Divine was moving slow keeping a safe distance from the prospective life partners.
‘I don’t know why I am feeling we all three have come here sometime earlier also.’-Anand while pressing Bhairvi’s hand uttered this in little louder words as to impress Divine also of his mystifying feelings.By that time Divine had come more close to them and Anand could very well feel her at the edge of his shoulders, pointing his eyes at Divine..
‘You mean Divine too ’Asked Bhairvi.
‘Yes in the same manner, my hand in yours and your intimate friend Divine keeping the same distance.’-Anand wanted Divine to react to his feelings but when he felt there was ‘not any reaction from Divine side, Anand continued his stream of thoughts-‘I never faced in my previous life such a situation although we had several meetings in Udaipur earlier with Bhairvi…Anand after a pause again tried to seek support of Bhairvi as he asked her-‘Bhairvi, what you feel…I may be right?
‘I don’t know what is in your mind and how absurd you can talk any moment..!’ Bhairvi was little annoyed with what Anand wanted to impose on her. She asserted-‘You are free to think anything, but for God's sake don’t talk like this... this reflects bad on your part... please for god is sake don’t talk further on this line…and even if you have something mystic in your mind, who is going to stop you to talk…the mouth is yours...the words also…Bhairvi wanted Anand to stop all this, but to her surprise Divine came forward contradicting her feelings to stop Anand to talk irrelevant things. She just abruptly expressed her mind, saying ‘It is not mere coincidence and mere imagination but something else Bhairvi…and that comes under para - psychological studies such sort of feelings are the products of some super normal behavior and can not be explained by routine interpretations. If you believe, Bhairvi it happened with me also once. It was my first day in an operation theatre with Dr. Abhinav and it was a case of padiatric surgery, as the helping nurse and to my surprised, when the child was brought in the theatre I felt in the same way as if I had helped in the operation earlier also…in the same manner.. similar situation…and with the same Sr. Surgeon …I did not have any explanation for that but when I told Dr Abhinav about my feeling, he simply smiled and advised not to be emotional in such occasions…Any way my search was not that serious at that time but I later realised in so many times that certain things are not understood by normal mind and heart and that all require some special interpretation…I can’t justify Anand’s position.. Since I am not known to him.Still what he said is interesting.’-Divine made her point of view clear. But at the same time she felt sorry about not supporting Bhairvi’s point. She also knew that it all was happening beyond her wishes too. Anyway they reached at the river-bed flowing quietly. There Divine became little informal and ultimately warned Bhairvi, her friend to be cautious of Anand’s liquid behaviour as it took shape according to the shape and size of pots..Bhairvi took it lightly.
By late in the evening Anand had to catch the train to Ajmer, since he had to join his duties…When the train was leaving Bhairvi waved her hand ...her eye’s were wet... she took her paloo of sari before her face…Anand also felt emotionally moved but when the platform crowd diminished and the train took little speed the image of Divine flickered again and again in his eye’s…and he was not in a position to control his feelings for her too…Perhaps the third angle of the triangle wanted to show it’s existence, position and power. Anand, Bhairvi and Divine had good time at the historic monument.
When his train was leaving Bhopal, both Bhairvi and Divine were waving him good-by …but Anand was only thinking about gazelle-eyed Divine who seemed him clever in tying love-spels.
Anand reached Ajmer by Marudhar Express, an hour late then the scheduled time. From station he walked up to his hotel K.E.M. directly. He was staying here temporarily ,since the earlier accommodation set for the senior Editors was not of his choice, he was offered to stay there .K.E.M was an old building erected at the Time of Britishers for their Resident but now was used for class 1 officers of state services orother VIP's. This hotel was also very close to his Press and particularly for night duties the venue was ideal. It was just opposite Railway Station... almost walking distance.. The surroundings remained busy throughout night .The main highway connecting to Martyndal Bridge and through the bridge Mayo- College was connected. The first residential school developed for the feudal Loard and Kings of India to train them according to the administrative needs of the colonial Emperor of England. That way Ajmer was a modern town with the background of mixed ethnicity of Hindu’s, Jain’s, Moslem’s Sikh’s and the latest sect of Arya- Samaji’s. Besides this there were other groups also and all that made this city a beautiful tapestry of multi- colored cultures, history and civilizations.
As a matter of fact Anand liked this city but for more reasons. In the close-by area his Nana was active in the freedom movement, the place being the home of activities of revolutionaries agitated his young blood…and also he liked the city since it was little close to his heart…Bhairvi could be contacted from here by the direct train …since she was then in Bhopal…
The first thing Anand did after reaching K.E.M was calling on Bhairvi by telephone immediately.
‘Hello, Bhairvi? How are you?
‘Hai An (she used the short form of Anand..)
‘I am fine ...Are you O.K..?
‘Yes I am O.K.’
‘My visit to Bhopal was exciting... It’s nice that our marriage is now final’
‘Yes, it’s good. When you are joining your duties?’
‘From to-night.I’ll call you back in the evening.O.K..?
‘Good-bye … Anand.’
‘Good bye Bhairv... My best of kisses to you ’
‘Oh you dirty spoiled boy
‘O.K. Bhairav, I am putting off the phone.Bye. Bye.


34/CATCHING THE BUBBLE

Anand's dealing with Bhairvi from very beginning was like catching the bubble before its bursting because she was always particular and methodical in her approach to life and wanted to dispose off every responsibility in time.
After visiting Bhopal and finalising the issue of marriage with her, Anand was informed about each and every details of the development regarding marriage. To the extent that Bhairvi suggested him many things for execution at his end so that their most romantic day would not turn into a nightmare. She believed in making a stress free professional wedding and planned to make the big day hassle free.
The same evening when Anand was going to join his duties in Ajmer, he got a telephone call from Bhairvi.
"Anand, what you think about my bridal-wear? Should it be a trendy Lehenga and blouse or a traditional sari -outfit?
‘’I think it can be either of the two, I can only assure you, You'll look ever best bride both in traditional and trendy wear both. Anand told her but he thought within himself, how early she is asking her all this !
"Do you think, I am asking all about this earlier? Bhairvi asked him the same question, which took shape in his mind.
"No, I don't think so, earlier is better. I know, you are a perfect planner." Anand encouraged her.
"Then tell me one more thing if you propose a classic collection my mother is going to offer me. Her traditional Jadu with Polki diamonds... She told her in excitement.
"Oh, that's fantastic, no comparison to all that which comes from classic collection, Bhairvi, its my choice too... Anand assured her that he also share her sentiments.
"So you want to see your Bhairvi in traditional Kundan Nath, Tikka and Jhoomar ... Bhairvi told him.
"Ok but the make- up should be very simple... Anand laughed and added... I know you will not go for towering bouffant as your hair is very natural and healthy.
"So you want to see me in free- floating hair as bride... Bhairvi asked her.
"I don't know much, but I'll prefer your natural radiance in whatever your form you appear ... Anand told her.
Fortunately, she told him. "I feel you have to go to your duties tonight only, I put off the telephone now, well thank you for you suggestions.
... O.K. Bhairvi lets talk tomorrow, not late night .You know, I'll be free by 2:30pm.
"And after that you go to station for your cups of tea... Bhairvi told him in good mood....
"So by now you know every bit of my night life."
"I am happy you are not a spoiled genius".
‘O.K. Thanks for your compliments... tell your papa my best regards.
The conversation ended. Anand left for his newspaper office.


35/HAPPY WEDDING


Bhairvi, for her most romantic day set realistic dead lines for each every and item separately. She kept in touch with Anand to make it a stress free affair.That way they both enjoyed sharing the thunder of wedding with each other, consulted minutest details of the ceremony.
Besides them, there was Divine, Their true friend philosopher and guide who made every effort to see their big day hassle free affair. She focused on all important arrangement and event and planned everything in details right from organising ceremonies, picking up the guests, wedding decorations, catering, florists, photographers, and gifts ideas. She also helped in the arrangements of proper Pandit for religious functions, from issues related to brides nail colour to wear to bride attire and fashioning the doli. She advised Bhairvi to be ready for legal registration after marriage which only took one day through the known advocate in the collectorate.
The successful marriage ceremony, involving both the parties was possible because of harmony in relation between Bhairvi her friend Divine and definitely Anand who visited the venue in Bhopal and to help them solving any problem ... all three of them enlisted friends and relatives who could delegate some flexible jobs. Even they took advice from some happily married couples in the honeymoon affairs in this way Bhairvi planned the minutest details of her marriage taking all possible help from Anand and her friend Divine.

Both Anand and Bhairvi wedded happily. Anand was accompnied by few of his solicitous friends and relatives but did not like to take a procession in the formal Achakan-Choodidaar Payajaama or headgear but he looked charming in his special Jodhapuri suit. He did not ride on horse as a traditional bridegroom. He took limitted persons to Bhopal. The marriage festivities were however colourful from the bride side and was solemonised in Hindu spirit before sacred fire and auspicious Vedic hymns.Bhairvi was in her embrodered red wedding dress. As the wedding was over, Bhairvi and Anand Picked up for Devigarh … their romantic heaven for their first holiday as husband and wife as the honeymoon destination. It had the enchanting palace with royal elegance and the total environment was free from the hubub of city culture. The place they dicided since they had the memories of Eklingji temple, and their old days love with each other and the stance experience they waited to fuel with multiplied effect. It was just fun, fear and curiosity that kept them close and intimately alive for a year.

In her first honeymoon night Bhairvi wanted to be reasonably certain that she looked attractive, she wore a contrast dark blue nylon gown, transparent enough to show her saft breasts to excite Anand, her first love.She indulged in a desire to enhance mutual pleasure of love making and when her husband looked her in this semi-nude gown proved her right by his grin and whisle of admiration.
Anad moved across the blue carpeted room, special suit booked for their honeymoon.
‘You look fantastic,he commented.He took her in his arms.slipped his hand beneth her mini blouse and with one swift movement took her to bed fully covered by rose petals, He was in a haste to see her naked.
‘Cant you wait for….She could not complete her sentence.
‘You look so sexy, I can’t wait now.
‘Don’t be ceazy Anand…the whole night is before you…She wanted to take things easy but Anand was not ready to bear the delay.Their longing was still unidentified even after a good space of their courtship and Anand was in a mood to reveal it without delay….He thought of John Steinback at this moment -‘you can’t imagine how many clothes you have to put on a girl when the sole purpose is to get them off.’… He was in ardent position but Bhairvi did not comprehend his eagerness and cry.Instead of passively accepting Anand she wanted an elaborate; well set and defined love game with her.
That way she was not prepared for one way-indecency of any sort. Before divert indulgence in the sexual act, she imaigmend of many other sorce of sexual imanigation as she read many articles in women magazines and books about fore play in sex. She was not in the heat at that moment like Anand but also did not want to show him that she was disinterested in sexual game. Bhairvi also did not want to have sex in her own term but very rigidly she had some idea for mutual respect of body and mind--- and that way, unfortunately, in very first night Anand developed a misconception about Bhairvi that she was behaving like a frigid women….Still they had a brief sexual game and slept happily without any battle.They even shared feelings about their old days in Udaipur when they were romancing.Bhairvi and Anand had different dreams about enjoying life…and that was simply the beginning.


36/THE LOCKED LOVE

But the bottom line was that, Bhairvi’s friend of her nursing days, Divine started partial romance over Anand. It was rather avaricious since she thought of her immediate benefits and interests and believed that Anand might help her in matter of new placements in her life for which she was deeply worried. She already told her friend Bhairvi and conveyed directly to Anand that she wanted to change her nursing profession to that of art or music teacher for which she had proper training and diploma. She also knew it that Anand had good contacts in Jaipur in some good public schools and he would definitely be able to help her get a job of her choice there if she perused him without hesitation.
Besides that Anand was not a sort of suggar dady for her since she never felt like climbing the ladders on his behalf totally and didn't had her eye fixed in his top drawer filled of pretty diamonds.He was a poor intellectual only but certainy a man of influence. That was very clear in her mind that she would not go beyond her limits but the poor young lady could not follow her own inner self. Fortunately lot of favourable things happened to her through him later.
She got an opportunity to come to Jaipur, met the appropriate authority in one of the top public schools of Jaipur and luckily got an offer to join as Hobby Class Teacher which was worth her choice. Very shortly she shifted along with her ailing mother and established in the changed circumstances. Her brothers also left Bhopal and came to the capital of Rajasthan and settled there very well.
After this change and a new setting, their first meeting was out side the St.Marry Church in the teacher’s campus at the far end of the shool ground after she joined the school but then, Anand cften met Divine there as and when she would collect her Riccsa from the road side of Church.
He started attending the in-camera meetings of Alcoholic Anonymus which fell usually on each Friday.Actually it was a very private gathering of those persons who wanted to come out of drinking habbits and it was attended by different types of persons…from habitual drunkard to a novice. From a very rich man to most ordinary commoner.From top bureauocrat to an ordinary clerk or a teacher..but the beuty of the gathering was…everyone felt equal there…without any ego of status whatsoever, everybody shared the emotions of the informal group….and in that meeting ‘they’ discussed the problems of de-adictions and helped each other to make some strategy by which any individual would be benefited.It was also a coincidence that one Friday there was no meeting of the group and Anand was sitting out side the room..There was nobody visible in the entire campus as human entity. Even the flutter of bird was not heared…teachers, students, staff every one had left earlier as it was declared a local holiday also.Only Anand and Divine were there alone.
‘So you come here every Friday…Divine asked him.
‘Yes just to attend Alcohlics Anonymus meeting- He replied.
‘You are alcoholic?
‘Not exactly as per their norm.But I enjoy listening to their problems.I wish to write a story on them.
‘Oh that’s the point…’
‘But this is a coincidence we meet today.’
‘So there is no meeting today…
‘I think they will not meet…It’s already late’
‘Then come to my home I am free now.Have a cup of tea with me…’
‘Oh thanks, I am reaching after half an hour.
‘O.K.I will wait…

After Divine became a hobby- teacher in Jaipur, she couldn't get along without Anand for a considerable long time. Actually they developed liking for one-another .This relation seemed inconceivable but it was a meeting of mind with body, he would keep his arm around her and lice her home in spite of the fact that he was married to her very close friend Bhairvi. It was now out of his control and whenever he got time and little space, he was certainly with her and always felt the sensuousness of her body. She was highly sexual in nature and possessive too and whenever Anand missed her she complained.
Besides taking her hobby-classes Divine was deeply interested in art activities and exhibitd her paintings in two shows. She also became a member of executive committee of Art Academy of the state.
Her elder brothers and a sister were married and lived separately. After the death of her father, she looked after her ill old mother.
In those days she was doing her dissertation in music also about the effect of music on the sexual behavior of animals and plants. It was always interesting to talk to her about the classical and western music in relation with sexual urge of living beings. And the effect, which was, different from humans with respect to plants and animal for which she was doing a detailed research study. She told Anand lot of stories connecting to the animals- especially of "Zoo’s wolves and jackals" who responded all too readily to the music offered. And they felt sexually tuned, since they called their partners for mating if music is played regularly. Anand always enjoyed these talks as thrill behind was motivation that developed in them extra-sensuousness.
.Her research was based on theoretical aspect although these studies have been conducted in the western countries and she was interested to do the practical work in Indian zoos…
But as a matter of fact Anand was least interested in such research rather he would only wait for her after her school time...whenever she came from her school, he would catch sight of her on three-leg puller- Riksa, he would follow her up to her home... only after a short conversation he would try to move to any other direction. First to show her that he was going to attend some important work... sometime, he would also tell her that he was coming from the Press- conference of the Chief Minister and did not stay for tea since he thought it better to have tea at her house which was very close to C.M's house. She had known about every thing of his style and would give a brief smile.
‘I know you are a very busy man and always give emphasis to important works.’ She would tell him when ever they met on raod side, then as per routine after that meeting, he would reach in just half an hour to her house because delaying more, meant loss of precious time and of opportunity... The first thing for both of them would always be a brief kiss.
God only knew the realities of what was cooking behind the doors since their love game did not become a public affair... Both of them were handling this activity in intelligent manner. Divine’s parents never thought of anything wrong in their meeting... It was because, Anand was helping her financially also, since, besides music she developed good skill in sketching... calligraphy and painting, and he got her regular jobs. Since daily, weekly, papers a tabloid and publication of books needed good designs and publishers liked her calligraphy for books and magazines covers...and he was directly connected with newspapers and had a good circle in the printing medium, she was helped through him for a considerable long time. Through him she was able to make extra-income and that was always a pleasing factor for her mother, brothers and to herself...
Anand was fascinated by her impatient behavior and their meeting almost became a necessity for both of them. She would complain in case he delayed the meetings. In such case, he often took her to some isolated areas of the city, out of the madding crowds and for hours; keeping hands in hands they enjoyed the company of each other…Divine was no more a potted plant now…what she needed then was proper trimming… and projection of contours of her sexual body
The best places in the towns for them were those isolated incomplete, government or semi-government projects or areas which were stretched in long landscapes and since there was no regular care-taker, ever got posted…such places were exhibition- grounds., eco-forest lands, nurseries and definitely scouts and guides head quarters which mostly remained deserted and out of reference from public activity.
Their affair was taking roots. Such affair had to be kept a secret as Anand was now a four- legged- man. Divine also understood that he often gave her bulshit about how he and Bhairvi just stayed together because of such hidden relations. That was a general understanding with everybody whosoever was engaged in such extra-marital contacts.
One after-noon he took Divine out of town in a deep-dark social forestry project of Chhandel. The afforestration was seventeen years old and was inaugurated by the Governer of the state.They were received warmly by a junior Forest Officer and they moved deep into the area for a long two kilometer patch of Jangalee Babool trees-
Divine was in her usual blue and white printed Salwar-suit , used hand painted beads necklace and a beautiful thin gold chain with a diamond small cross .
‘It’s un-believably darkness in the noon time…I feel completely lost here.Divine was impressed by the road side social- forestry very close to hubbub of city life.
‘Yes this is a wonderful project and in that there is no room for almighty Sun even…It’s a real ‘Asooryampasha’ area..! Do you know the meaning of this old cultural word Divine? Anand asked her.
‘I am interested in Indian mythology…but have little knowledge of that.Better you tell me about what you told me just now , something like Asoor’…Divine was curious about this new long letter word..
‘That means ,away from light , even the reach of Sun…This word was specially referred to those puritan ladies of our old times who lived far away from the sight and even shades of male..!’
‘Then what about the man-woman relations..? I am especially confused about the worship of Lord Shiva in the form of Lingam. I am bit interested in knowing about this.’-She told him.
Anand explained her that the female principal is given prominence in Hindu religion. It is the Yoni that is active and not the Lingam. The idea is no doubt linked with the Sankhya philosophy in which the Purusha or the male is conceived as passive and Prakriti, the female a dynamic. In the Advaita philosophy too, the Atman is conceived as Nirguna or with or without attributes while the attendant Maya is active and feminine.
Anand also told her that in Indian society, culture and religion sex was not considered out of context and was depicted in religious art of some of the temples which depicted Maithuna figures in various postures of love making. That art was viewed from the background of those conceptions in which sex appeared to its devotees not only as a natural function but the tangible expression of those mysterious forces of creation that operate in the universe. In contrast, Anand told Divine that in Christianity the sex is never considered to be divine but it is forbidden and considered as sin….. Divine laughed and suggested Anand to read some more literature of Christianity…..
‘O.K ,I will read Christian literature’ .He immediately changed the subject ,once the Asst Forest Officer took their permission to be little free for some time and suggested them to visit the nearby Bhairav Temple which was visible from that point.
‘Divine do you know you have slightly depressed cheeks..!’He asked her
‘So that has also some hidden meaning in your literature..?
‘Yes, according to ‘Samudrik’ it is a sign of luxuries of life. Anand told her that one day her depressed cheeks will make her a favorite of a Minister.
'So you mean to say one day you may be the Minster? Divine asked him with her smiling eyes.
(He never knew, he would become the Minister one day!)
'For your favour I don't need to be a Minister...and I may also tell you I hate politics. It's a game of scoundrels.' Anand made his position clear.
'' There are good people also in politics.At least I feel strongly if good ppeople don't take interest, the country will go to dogs.'' Divine countered Anand's views.
'' You perhaps know power corrupts every one.How the world watched in complete bewilderness the impeachment of the topmost person of Amirca Mr Clinton, the first to have to give blood sample for a DNA match.''
'' Yes he was the frozen grin on the face of America.'' Divine gave her intellegent reaction.But was it not an intersting case? Asked Divine.He was exceptionally a good liar also.''
'' He was the most daring flamboyant politician and a womaniseralso a bon viveur.''
'' And what about you Anand ? Divine asked him with the satiristic tone .
'' I had no option when I met you. There and then I decided we will be in love.''
'' And one day when you will be a minister, I will become your Paula Jone. She cut a joke.
'' Not Lewinsky?''
'' I don't believe in third rate romance.'' I also dont want you to face such disgraceful end- She smiled.
‘Do you know your eyes are like lotus-petals, with a quaint curve at the corners..! Anand was in good mood to gain favors of Divine by flattery.The virus of sex was travelling in the forest and they were getting into that.
‘And your sugar coated words also have some hidden meaning. Isn’t Anand..?.
‘Yes according to our oldest treatise ...Lotus eyes also indicate that you will have a good sexual life’
Both of them reached that isolated deserted temple having no roof but the statue of Bhairav was very huge in size.It was carved in one singe stone.
The mansoon was in the offing…and after a scorching sun it suddenly started raining…Anand and Divne were almost out of the forestry….and the clouds in the the blue sky were hanging over the small hill-top very close from this area.
How nice it woud be having garam garam pakodas and a cup of tea here- Divine expressed her desire…
‘For that we have to go down that hillock…Anand told her.
‘Not the bad idea…should we call the driver…’
‘Let’s enjoy the splendour of the rains…
‘ I feel like dancing…and with these words Divine left Ananda and ran fast in the rain ….Anand felt like watching a romantic scene of a movie…
‘You look like Vaheeda a heroine of guide film….Anand made a comment from the distance…
‘Why don’t you come also…She called him..The mood was becoming rainy…the smell of wet earth was playing magic.Both Anand and Divine danced to-gather soaking their soul unleashing the energies to please the god of rain…they embraced each other and showered warm kisses on each other in the wilderness .
When they left the place arm in arm it was still raining and the jeep of the Asst. Forest Officer was visible coming in their direction.


37/A GOOD PLACE TO VISIT
Actually after his marriage with Bhairvi, Anand had already shifted from Ajmer to Jaipur, where he got a job of a Bureau Chief of a newly launched weekly News Paper. He had his good office-cum residence at Bani-Park and his relations with Divine took another turn, in the changed situation, Living in Jaipur, Bhairvi joined regular M.Sc classes in the University of Rajasthan, secured first class and got into a lectureship job in chemistry. And like that everything in life now seemed to be going smoothly.
But it all was certainly at the surface level as the under current of life had its own different demands. One particular afternoon, when Anand was busy in writing a dispatch for his New Delhi Office, Divine just stepped in his office. It was not a surprise but beyond his expectations. His office was very close to Divine's school where she was taking her hobby classes and it was just half the distance to her new residence. She used to go to school everyday by a rickshaw and normally left her school around 1:30am. Saturdays were half days for her... these all information Anand already had from her as and when Divine visited their home. That would be mostly on Sundays... but now this office visit was her first visit.
"So this is your office - Divine asked him entering his office. Good place to visit." She gave a good smile .
"This is one man show, we are only three persons here, and one is my city reporter gone for reporting another Accounts clerk who will come in the evening and the third one as you see... I Am., I am Anand- Anand told her in very light mood.
"So with this staff you manage high politics? Divine asked surprisingly.
"Yes this is the general practice of all the bureaus."
"That means no peon etc...
"I personally don't believe in peons but you will get a glass of water, tea, cold drink" whatever you please from nearly restaurant within one minute... Anand told her and took the telephone in his hand and ordered.
"Send somebody... and water also.. He kept the telephone."
" Its nice arrangement. She told in an appreciating tone."
"It’s so so! In news paper office, we don't require any paraphrenia." Now tell me, are you on your way home?
"Yes, I usually pass through your office by its back road everyday. I thought today to visit your working place.
"Nice of You!"
"But when you are coming to my new house? I have made some new paintings"
‘ Any day, any time, just think of the devil...
"Anand you have helped me a lot. I am in this city due to you."
"That you told me several time... Please for god sake don't repeat....!
"O.K. Are you coming today? I am free....? Divine asked him abruptly.
Today...? But Bhairvi is not here, she has gone to Bhopal for delivery."
I know that, and that means you will not come without her. Is it?
"No, Divine its not that! I have some urgent work today. There is a press conference of C.M. at 2:30 today. I'll come tomorrow; it's your half day also.
"O.K. come to-morrow. I am going now... and Divine left his office.. Her Rickshaw was waiting her outside.
Next day when Anand met Divine she was completely a changed girl...and that change was the change of body, mind and heart. Her total body language changed. Her ailing mother was in her slumber as she was used to strong sleeping pills. The Pommerian doggy gave him a warm reception along with Divine who opened the door for him...Her brothers had already settled in separate house.And Divine was alone to look after her old-aged ill mother who was a patient of Asthema.
"I am happy you fulfilled your promise by visiting the poor-girl hut."She told Anand.
'It's very well kept beautiful house. I think its three-room accommodation... If I am not wrong you told Bhairvi about this changed place." Anand told her.
"Ya.. Before she left for Bhopal.. But she did not come here ..."
“O.K I have done that. I'll tell her about your good new house."
“What you would prefer... cold or hot?.."
"Depends… If I stay more …may be both." Anand replied in a smiling mood.
That day Anand felt that, Divine's eyes were ultra-tempting. These were bigger and better. She used pale gold cream for shadowing eyelids and into the unicorns to make them most appealing. For lash impact she used mascara, to make her fantasy come true. That all consumedly had given special sex appeal to her beautiful figure.

‘Do you know, what was the opinion of the great Chinese phiolosopher Confucius about role of woman in a family life? Anand was in a mood to share some literary, philosophical and psychological thoughts with Divine who always shown her interests in such talks.
‘I don’t know that…was it something in our favour..?Divine asked.
‘The great ancient philosopher had the opinion that ‘ the woman duty is to prostrate herself submissively before her man in such a way as to have no will of her own, but to demonstrate a perfect form of obedience..’Anand quoted him.
‘Was it not foolish..? She smiled at him for no reason and for every reason. She started liking his company deeply, overwhelmingly and instantly.
‘Certainly in the days when we talk of equal rights.’But Napolean also thought on similar lines after a long gap and transform of society.He opined that ‘woman is given to man to bear children. She is therefore his property…Shakespeare and Milton advised the betterhalves of the world to keep silent, be modest and accept a lesser place…’
‘But from the women’s freedom point of view these all are rotten and irrelevant today…Don’t you agree Anand…Divine wanted to know what Anand’s point of view was.
‘I agree with you , but still feel our society needs another hundred years to see woman and man totally free from old values of society..’
‘Then what was the opinion of father of psychology, Sigmond Freud about woman position in the society…? Divine was curious to know more about modern times.
‘Freud was another creater of fantasies .He believed, ‘female had little sexual energy, nature having discriminated against her, he assumed a pitying attitude towards woman, as indoctrinated by him…the moment they discover they don’t have a penis, they dissolve into a traumatic heap…’Anand wanted some strong reaction of Divine against this discovery of Freud and Divine was there to defend the stand of females of the world..She abruptly reacted-‘Dr Freud was a partial Victorian…I think , we women don’t need penises as the males are not in need of vaginas…Our roles and goals are different still we have some common interest and that we should all respect instead of inventing lies and creating fantasies…’
Anand and Divine were developing that sort of closeness because both of them were also interested in knowing the sensuous as well as intellectual aspects of man and woman relationship…This relation and freedom he could not enjoy with his wife Bhairvi who almost became a routined house- wife thinking ,talking and behaving not beyond set family….Bhairvi was not interested in making the love exciting and satisfying from the angle of Anand while with Divine it was a free-lance intimacy designed to meet the current needs of their living relations .
Anand was such a handsomeone almost five feet tall ,intellegent broadlooking forward man of next generation that anyone could at least once fall in love with him under any given space and time.
It was a birth’day of Divine and except Anand there was nobody in her home.She was in a line skirt in pastel colour showing her beautiful tanned legs. She was looking tall and slim gazing out the window when Anand came.
‘I came to congratulate you on your birthday and brought a cake specially ordered for this day.
‘Oh thanks.Do you know Anand how old I am now…six year earlier I was sweet sixteen.’
‘But you are still sweet…Anand told her smilingly.Happy birthday to you Divine.He handed the small packet…Divine took the cake and with happy gesture she told him thanks again.
‘Anand you are really great. From where you got this fantastic cake…wonderful Taj Mahal in shining white and pink shade…very fresh.
Anand got it from Agra…
Divine came along with her gift, kept it on the rounded small table put only one candle after kindling…blown it off…both Anand and divine celebrated the b’day symbolically.
‘I don’t celebrate my birthday…but I got phone calls from my Bhaiya and bhabhi…but I think you were supposed to go to Bhopal to leave Bhairvi…then how are you here…?
‘ I got her the connecting train at Agra…there was my literacy conference…and after formally attending I came here…I remembered your birthday and got this Taj for you…Divine I love you…and then there was a brief kiss Divine was swinging in Anand’s arm.It was noon time and air was cool. Outside it was drizzling. It is a proverb in local dialect-'' Tavadiye mein meh barsei, bhoot bhotani parneejei.''(When it rains in the noon the devils marry!)

38/TRANSFORMATION

Anand , for the first time realized that inside outside self of Divine was transforming fast and he was seeing an emergence of a new divine in her .It was perhaps state of self taught self change reality ..She wanted to come out of her longing feeling of being stupefied and to some extent still conservative in behavior… All of a sudden she thought, her personality was becoming repellant and she was not ready to keep herself in chains anymore…and there was a voice alarming –‘Come out of your odds, you will loose nothing but chains…’whose voice was this…Oh Karl Marx…the great revolutionary thinker of the world…! The man alone… changed the world order.
These words were certainly inspiring…but for proletariats. .not for a girl of her type…then she thought, the slogan was raised for exploited people at large…and she was definitely being exploited by her own self. .in that respect she had to first think of her own shortcoming ,her contradictions ,her split personality…her alienated inner existence…then only she could feel or opt for that freedom for which she was craving…
‘Anand, do you think, I should be that calm or clean person, as people generally expect of me?. Shall I remain a saint throughout my life…?’Divine asked him pointedly.
“To me it’s never…rather from the very first encounter..! Anand smiled ….
I don’t remember; which first encounter?
“In Hamidiya Hospital when I had first seen you”
“Oh! That day, you represented your ever worst image-isn’t it?
‘But you perhaps liked my following you’
‘I never thought in my dream; you are that same Anand about whom I heard very high from Bhairvi’, she told.
‘Yes I can understand but your first encounter was beyond my comprehension, at least in term of your Aphrodisiac body language---that day and that moment I was lost forever.

Divine wanted to change herself into a kind of a person she wanted to be .For that transformation she was trying to instill in her that confidence which was necessary for worldly success and to her Anand was the right person to help boost her ambitions. His contacts ,his nature ,his way of making relations.-all that was considered to be assets, were his plus points and that were all imbibed in one single person…but at the same time both of them had their limitations…Anand being married and she being still a bachelor were not in a position to come openly in the worldly matters and help one another to fulfill their hidden desires…that was the point where both of them were little bit hesitant to go little beyond the boundaries .Under such conditions he was not supporting her fully…beyond his family life…as he had also to give his spare time to Bhairvi whenever he was free. She being his wife was also did not want to be liberal too much since she could also feel; there might be any wrong outcome, due to such liberties.

Since the day she went to Bhojpur, Bhairvi had some hidden feeling of Anand’s weakness of being fishy in context of week-sex…since that time she became alert and did not want to see him too much in touch with Divine…She was only interested to see that nothing wrong should happen in her life and for that she prayed the almighty to bless her a long happy married life.But perhaps the reality was not that as, beggars are not the choosers. and also the life is not fully guided and controlled by one’s prayer…for men and women the nature provides tremendous scope of going close to one another, to feel, to touch to meet, to sit, to dream, to move…even to sleep to-gather under the infinite umbrella of men-women relations, their attractive life styles…It’s only depending how an individual take the life…how to make the best use of that opportunity. .how to win the favour of hearts…to influence life ,to make it more and more suitable to another person’s need of mind and body…It’s such a game when the third eye is always penetrating on the players. .and for that one has to be extra cautious .extra vigilant…extra careful to see that you are not exposed even when you make fouls…one has to very safely play the hidden game. Very- very sensitively other wise, in any moment your stupidity can make things topsy-turvy. The game of love or lust is like traveling on the sharpened edge of sword…it is like moving on the rope tightened from both the sides .If you are not that trained like an acrobat there are chances of losing grip and falling flat on the ground…your nose, your head colliding showing you the blue skies any time.
Anand was bit trained man as he had acquired the skill of a good event manager…although to his credit there had been a flop show earlier with Shaheen but then he completed a successful marathon race with Sonal,a real treasure -trove of romance,one hundred meter race with Bhairvi who became his life partner and other mixed games and sports with Divine etc...

Divine on the other side of the game had been disturbed all the times .She felt restless and hemmed. , at least insecured since this relation had ultimately developed in her a sense of immorality .Still she felt a sort of pressure to continue that and she was helpless too ….more and more she wanted to keep a safe distance from Anand more she came close .more she fell prey of her false pretensions , designs and ideas and inventions. That all would contradict her own self…sometime she would feel strongly, if this state of affairs continues, she might be mad…unfortunately that sort of feeling became her pastime. She was inviting troubles but that was like loving one’s own enemy.
Anyway the show had to go -the steam of an engine had to pass out, water had to flow .towards the gravity. .the air of emotions had to blow hot and cold…the idiosyncrasies and absurdities of love and lust had to come out of the hidden passion of life…the inner jungle of confusion and adventure had to be traversed, encountered…
Since Divine now decided to prove herself the champion of the genre of the changed world .Was she prepared to go to any extent to win Anand? .his favours at the cost of losing her best friend Bhairvi.? The very feeling of this idea scared her. She thought she was… she was allowing herself to be pulled up in the wrong direction. She thought, her actions would not cause her harm. .here she was absolutely wrong as she was not finding the true solution of her own problems. ..Her heart was finding a sort of satisfaction in winning a man whom so ever he was…She laid on the sofa-cum bed, opened her rounded breasts which were inviting. .she undressed herself completely and went before the long mirror to see and admire her own beauty. .She felt -she was a perfect, gorgeous girl…still at her age of twenties .For whom she was exhibiting her incredible nudity. .Her limbs and legs were long and attractive. .Against the mirror she was feeling herself provocative but in the hearts of her heart she was feeling herself utterly confused and hung somewhere in the sky not finding the surface.

She took help of Dale Carnegie in her this state of confusion.—‘There was only one way under high heaven to get the best of an argument and that is to avoid it…She several times asked herself, was she right. ? Was she not dead dishonest? .The way she was speeding along her journey towards Anand…was that justified? Was she not responsible to change and ruin the silent and happy home of Anand and Bhairvi? Only in the interest of her own self? Perhaps all the questions and answers were becoming futile in one way as she was driven to a new state of heavenly madness.
Perhaps she decided to taste the forbidden fruit….she was ready to enter the gate of hell by committing sin-…and that sin brought her in the world of dogmatic drugs…under the spell of drowsiness sometimes her inner self would express---‘I don’t disapprove of your intentions and actions…I approve of your dogmatic hit…I approve of your smile your anxiety…I am glad to see you jump out of your skin…so naturally I am glad to see Anand also jumping in the same way and hitting the gate of heaven or hell. .whatever it is..! You both would like to call it in your future arguments…Yes I can feel about the insincere grain of insecurity…No that do not fool anybody…You know it is mechanical
You resent it …My dear Divine I give back to you your desired smile… a heart warming smile that was lost in your life…a smile that comes from within…a smile that will bring a good price in the market place....I am telling you I love you Divine…as you now started loving Anand….your best friend for ever..Dale Carnegie…!
The words were sounding high. But she suddenly came out of her drowsyfeeling…..Whaaaat…she questioned herself…the smile that will bring good price in the market place…!she felt little uncomfortable with the word market…bit bitter ,the value of her smile in the market?
She immediately went to wash her face inside. Is she a commodity?
The mirror over the basin show-cased her many faces…she became scarred…the latest being that of a new Divine…with her pet Doggy she was hitting the large gate of hell.


Think of the devil and devil was there …At 4.30 a.m there was the knock on the door.
Who should it be? Divine was unable to decide, who it could be…she opened the door…
Oh! You !! How? Are you coming from out station? Divine never expected Anand at her door at this odd hour…So early in the morning.It happened only first time! Doggy was behind her like a dwarf comrade.Rolling wool,a patch of cloud in the room.
-‘Will you allow me to come inside…I am coming directly from the bus-terminal…please lend me fifty rupee.
‘Oh, please come inside I get you the money. ’Divine went for money. She handed over hundred rupee note .Anand went back to street turning point, cleared the fare and came.
‘Relax first. .She told him.
‘Someone snatched my purse.’
‘Oh I could guess it…was it big amount..?
‘For me it was not small.Anand smiled.
‘I am surprised you journalists could also be a victim of pickpockets.’ She told.
‘Are we not human beings..?’
‘.But the pickpocket is more alert people.’
‘Anyway it was not a big loss but a warning for future…
‘From where are you coming?
‘From Bhopal.’Anand completed her word.
By bus…I know its terrific journey.Any good news..?
‘Yes Bhairvi got a son.’
‘That’s great…Where my treat…is
‘That you will get but there is one more news…I have left the News paper job..
-‘.What you say…I don’t believe…
‘Divine it’s a fact ...but I have an offer in the hand …the better one…A job in the University…’Anand did not feel good to give details of prospective post..’
‘It’s in the teaching side. .’She asked out of curiosity.
‘I am not that educated a man to teach others…The job is in the Adult Education Department as Chief- Coordinator ...’Anand told her.
‘It’s fantastic...when you are going to join…?
‘Today only…the offer came to Bhopal directly…they want me to join immediately..’
‘I am very happy to hear all this. ..Another feather in your cap…’
‘Actually it’s not the feather but a fall in Anand’s life.
‘I don’t understand that…’
‘Let me join first then I will tell you about the whole episode.Anand told her and kept the ball in his court…He left her after ten minutes taking good warm tea…but did not forget to take his long dues…deep kisses..They embraced each other, kissed breathlessly and he departed .Only Doggy watched them .It was still little dark outside when he left for his house.The remaining part of night was still removing her rags.


39/NEW HORIZONS

.It was just a chance that Anand met the member of the upper house M.P, Devidan Charan in connection with a press- conference as Charan was interested to share some of his success- stories regarding the Mass-Literacy drive launched by him in association with the University of Rajasthan. As a senior journalist he was specially invited for the coverage.For that purpose, two phone calls from the personal secretary of Charan were also received by him .He told the P.S. that the press coverage is done as routine and for which he was not supposed to be called.…but then Charan personally wanted to speak and influence him on the phone…Then as a courtesy he told the M.P that his program would be covered properly…and just for a friendly gesture Anand himself reached at the guest house where they called the Press-Conference. .His press-reporter was also there.
As a matter of fact, Anand knew about the non-serious nature of the literacy campaign and he had information of lot of irregularities of this program.In the Press-conference exposed them pin- pointedly,for that Charan was not prepared and put to a very embarrassing position.Due to his initiative entire press turned totally against Charan and no statement or story of his campaign was taken seriously or found valid by the press reporters…rather there was an uproar and demand of enquiry against those who were responsible for frauds.Charan. took all that, as a shrewd politician.and smilingly thanked the press for showing him the right picture …but at the same time he became alert and used his strong P.R.O to see that nothing is published against the program…He even delivered half and full page advertisement in the favor of his program…
Anand was surprised to see that all the news papers including his own did not published anything against the literacy campaign…rather two to three good success stories were planted with attractive photographs and captions…all was very nicely arranged byCharan and his PR team. He had direct links with the emerging youth leader of national Congress, the man who allowed no criticism against his extra constitutional powers…he believed in suppressing anybody big or high. .whosoever tried to oppose him and his programs…his behavior was totally un-democratic and for his support he collected huge brigade of young people including some gundas. Charan was a strong supporter of his leadership and he was blindly in favor of his politics and programs
The state level leaders of his party and the centre party people were ready to surrender their total existence for this adventurism. .The leader was nobody but the young son of charismatic lady Prime Minister Ms Mira Gandhi. .Unfortunately the literacy program taken up by the M.P, Charan was the dream-baby of that young leader Vijay and any attempt against that was considered as a reactionary measure, that too was blamed to have vested interests and connections with C.I.A.Those were the days of Emergency…the pseudo- intellectuals of this country labeled that time as Anushasan-Parve, the Era of Discipline ….


Anand was not happy to see the fate of his story in his own news paper .It was not only distorted but by using his by-line another success-story was published favoring the literacy-campaign…He took no time in understanding the reality behind that scene. .For that moment he felt tortured .As if his pen was snatched from his hand. .and there was total darkness in the day light…There ran a half page advertisement of Aakher-jyoti.the flame of letters..in support of the so called campaign…He was emotionally and intellectually hurt badly and immediately took telephone receiver in his hand connected the number of the Proprietor and Chief Editor of his news paper, .within seconds the chief was on the line…Anand had no words to speak except…-‘’.Sir kindly accept my resignation. I withdraw as Bureau-Chief from this moment. .Hope you can understand me better.’
‘What is the matter Anandji…Are you all right? .I am sending the Press- Manager to your house…please come immediately...we will discuss the matter...But Anand kept the phone..There were two three calls continuously after that but he did not respond.For the time being he had shown.that nothing can be bigger then self-respect and love to one own self…
After half an hour the Manager Mr. Mathur came to him .At that time he was just alone in his house.His wife Bhairvi had gone to Bhopal for delivery.There were lot of talks about his importance for the news paper.His responsibilities.His personality.But nothing worked as he did not change his mind of resigning from the paper When Mr. Mathur left him he had one line resignation of Anand in his hand .But within an hour he got another call from Charan…The dialogue was bit interesting…
‘Anandji.I am Charan this side.’
‘Oh… good morning sir.What can I do for you, now..?Anand answered him in a satirical way’
‘What I heard is right…?
‘I don’t know what have you heard?’
‘Definitely not good news…Have you resigned..?
‘Yes news is not distorted.It’s a fact sir.
‘But why Anandji…why..?’
‘Perhaps I may not tell you. .the reason is very personal…’
‘Can I be of any help..?’
‘You have already helped me in taking this decision.’
‘Me…?..I feel your decision is very sentimental.’
‘Sir I am not sentimental I may be little emotional.’
‘Oh thanks…. you corrected me.’ Charan was in a polite mood but tell me if you are free right now I want to meet you ’
‘Sir I am leaving for Bhopal by 11.30 Bus
‘Today…?
‘Yes M.P. Saheb.’
‘No problem…still we have time.I am reaching your home alone.please wait for me.’


Member of Parliament D.D.Charan was at Anand’s house. The politician had perhaps a deep understanding of life..He talked to Anand in a very nice manner, tried to satisfy his ego to the best of his words..He talked around his resignation and it’s background...his contributions as a senior Journalist and Writer..Social worker back-ground etc…and then all of a sudden Charan proposed for him a good permanent job in the University..He told him that everything would go according to his wishes and he had to simply supervise the entire program…there would be no boss of him… Charan shown his total willingness of leaving his program on his shoulders…The meeting was positive and ended with the note that Anand would be back from Bhopal in a week’s time and join as Chief Coordinator in the department of Adult Education….

Anand met the Registrar of the University for his formal Appointment letter .He was very warmly received by the Registrar.His letter was lying on his table.After taking tea with him he went straight to his new office where everybody was almost receptive...except the Director of the office under whom he was not supposed to work as a subordinate.His post and position was independent and he was given absolute freedom to plan and run the literacy program…His immediate boss was only Charan who became a super power at that time ..Unfortunately beyond all made to him by Mr Charan, he realized that the program had its own vested interests and directions. .It was running purely on the political grounds as it was directly or indirectly related to influence people and win them for making the hands stronger of the ruling party…spreading of literacy was not the objective of the program and the funds were allocated just for un judiciously distribution among party workers or for those who had shifted their loyalties…Anand did not remain a silent observer to this state of affairs and many a times objected and disapproved of such practices or favors which were basically against the very spirit of the program..He even complained to Mr. Charan about certain irregularities but after seeing his political ways of manipulating he started on his own way of keeping away from the corrupt lobby who was only interested to take maximum benefits of the flowing waters of the campaign…It almost became a game of a blind man who always shares his pleasure with those persons whom he can feel by his touch…the real workers the real purpose the real object of the literacy was forgotten and the whole concept of making illiterate masses literate was badly defeated…Unfortunately that years national literacy award was announced for that same program as conceived and run by the M.P. Charan and he as a key person was awarded by the President of India for his contribution..

Anand was at a loss to understand what was happening in this country in the name of developments.He felt bad all about that.He had seen the learned persons to bow before the corrupt politicians…the surrendered bureaucrats to support the absurd designs of person in power…the so called intellectuals writers, journalists,advocates,artists to stand erect in the honor of the filthy games of administration…even community of bankers and capitalist to play the harp in the chorus of corruption…that was the scene he witnessed in his day to day functioning in life..To which he became a silent observer after crying in dark for some time.


40/DIVINE THE GREAT

The most interesting game Anand seen in his life was the rise and fall of ‘Divine the great’.He never thought in his dream that she would be so clever and expert in the use and throw culture of life…that she would so perfectly use the ladders to rise and very soon forget or ignore those who helped her in elevation…that she would take the maximum use of the given opportunity and subscribe to the philosophy of give and take in her all moves of forward march…
Anand introduced her to. D.D. Charan at that time when Divine was anxiousy seeking another change in her life...She was tired of the teaching job...and since many a times she told him to take her to Mr Charan.He took her to him and that was also a chance meeting.It was raining that day from morning to evening and they waited for stoppage of rain …there were heavy clouds in the sky and due to that it became little dark. It was also Sunday.
He was sitting outside the Xavier Church with Divine; she too was stuck there due to heavy rains. Actually from Church he received a call in his office from her, requesting him… if he could take her home leaving his desk for some time .Anand had the prior fixed appointment with Charan who called him to guest house to discuss some urgent matter regarding the visit of Vijay Gandhi to Jaipur and meeting with him to inaugurate special Literary Mela (Festival)…It was just because of rains he was not moving out..but then there was a call from Divine…Two urgent things mixed and he came to Xavier side to take her first then after leaving her he decided to attend to Charan’s call…After reaching he told Divine about the possibility of meeting with Vijay Gandhi the known youth leader as he was specially invited to discuss that matter and for that he told Divine to forget the rain and come with him …he would leave her at her residence which was on the way to University..Divine thought for a while and just jumped like a child and told Anand ---‘Why don’t you take me along to guest house …that will save your time too...I will wait outside…and if you feel ..You can introduce me to Charan after your meeting.I can request him for his favors in my case
Anand was not willing to take her to Charan but when he realized there was a deep feeling in Divine to see him …and since long she was also pursuing him for meeting, he decided to take her to guest house.They were on the scooter and it was intermittent raining..After fifteen minutes they entered the gates of Guest House.

The meeting with Charan took another fifteen minutes.The big-boss was surrounded by his Darbaries(Attendents like old time princely court)..Anand’s very entry was taken in a satirical mood by Mr.Charan ,by flattering words… ‘Padhariye, Anand Saab (Please welcome MR. Anand The meeting ended with a sentence…This is your program…we are all your followers…but between these words the serious points regarding Vijay Gandhi’s visit was also discussed. When Anand requested Charan to hear the problem of someone known to him (Anand)
;Who is that person ?Chasran asked him.
Miss Divine, he immediately responded –
‘..Who is she? Bring her inside. .why she is standing outside?
And after sympathetically listening to her, the self styled M.P told her very very pleasing words and assured her of all possible help from his side..He told her to meet him next day but before coming,he wanted her to fix time with his P.A.

Next day Divine went to meet Charan at Khasakothi since the M.P was busy in some urgent meeting with the Bank Officer’s Union. They had some problems which they wanted to highlight in the Parliament and for that they wanted the help of a senior political stalwart Charan.
He had already smelled the hidden odor of Divine’s beautiful personality in her last evening meeting. .Her specialty was her informal and bold way of her expression which was inviting for the old but mature politician. .and he decided to use her to best of his advantage…as she was prepared to go forward to any extent in the interest of her future….Charan invited her to discuss certain positive points in a special lounge and V.I.P room of Khasakothee.

‘If I remember correctly you are Divine…’Charan started the dialogue smilingly..
‘Yes sir.’
‘Good name. Who has given you this beautiful name?
‘Sir my Grand Papa.He was a Priest in Nani Daman…She extended her introduction.
‘So you belong to Daman?’
‘No sir,My Grand father was a teacher there but later he took up a job of a priest ..’
‘How it comeYou people are not Portguese?’
‘Sir we are Indian Christians. ..I don’t know much about my Daman background’
‘O.K.I have known little bit about you from Anand…his wife had been your friend and you have a degree of music and interest in art..’
‘Yes sir.’
‘And before you are here I had a talk with two persons. .One is the Vice Chancellor of Kota Open University…and the other fellow is a senior Bank Manager.I have called him again once something is decided about your possibilities of job.I wish you also join our campaign…and for your appointment etc.V.C has agreed to appoint you against the vacant post of Asst.Regisrar in the Kota University. But your posting will be in Jaipur…Are you happy with this proposal…?’ Charan put before her a good proposal
‘You told for the other possibility…with Bank sir …what is that sir’..Divine was bit comfortable with the M.P...
‘Oh you are interested in the Bank …but that is not for any job…that is for a loan for your car…The Sr Manager will sanction loan to you any day you want.You need a car now..The Manager will come just now.’ Charan showed her a very bright picture of her future. .She was excited…It never came in her mind that she would be taken so nicely. How great is Mr. Charan..He is really great.’
‘But what job I have to perform sir? She asked..
‘You will be on deputation here for our campaign and work as the executive of the Literacy Campaign. .Details we can discuss later.’

Then after a small break a Senior Manager of Bank of Baroda came in the room.He was introduced to Divine and since all was going like magic, Divine was told to sign on some forms so that the loan advance is processed. Charan told his P.A to connect him to the V.C of Kota Open University for finalizing her appointment etc.
When Divine came out of the lounge of Khasakothi, she was floating in air.Her legs were not falling on the ground.She was totally lost in day-dreaming…even to the extent that she decided to drop immediately the proposal of her marriage or at least postponing it.
The first thing she did after reaching home was…she telephoned Anand…She told him-‘Anand .I never thought in my dreams that I would be Asst Registrar in the Kota Open University…’
‘..What..?..Are you going to Kota..?Asked Anand..
‘No Mr. Charan had already talked with the V.C of the Kota University to keep me on deputation in the satellite branch in Jaipur.’
‘Oh that is fantastic…that means you will be in Jaipur..
‘Ya…working with Litercy Program…under your guide lines ...You will be my boss…’She told in warm and emotional words…’
‘No it’s not like that. .In the program every one’s boss is Mr.Charan the great. .Well forget all that and tell me where is my treat..?
Anand was happy to hear all this but his mind was busy in thinking something else.What will be the reaction of Bhairvi on this matter..?Will she not think that Divine got this job only due to him…although it’s not at all right?’
‘What are you thinking…tell me frankly what treat you want…are you coming right now..?
‘I will let you know…’
‘That means you are not coming ...’
‘I am called on by Mr. Charan to discuss the Literacy Mela…’
‘O.K…ring me after you are free.’
‘.Bye Bye.


Anand could not talk Divine the same day as the meeting with Charan took longer time.He was also taken to the Chief Minister’s house for discussing the proposed visit of the youth leader Vijaya Gandhi. As the Literacy Mela was a very big affairs and it involved practically all possible factions of power, the meeting with C.M.was important.
After that meeting Charan called in guest house high officials of Banks…prominent business groups, selected representatives of press etc to work out the final plan for Mela which was another ambitious plan of Charan, as he wanted to show his strength to the youth leader and the potential of his campaign which was taking its final shape. .as by now good publicity in printing and electronic media had projected the drive as best national program for elimination of illiteracy…and that all kept Anand busy. He could not speak to Divine about his meetings and movements and came to his house quite tired …gone to bed directly since he had taken his dinner in the guest house giving final shape to Mela affairs also..But then around 11.30 there was a telephone ring...he got up from his half sleep…It was Divine on the other side… Usually she did not call him in the odd hours…but now…
‘Anand are you in sleeping mood…’
‘Oh not exactly.I am little bit tired and was unnecessarily busy the whole day…’
‘With whom…any body new in your life? Divine cut a joke.’
‘No …the same old guy Mr. Charan whom I want to leave now…’
‘Where were you the whole day…I was waiting for you? ’
‘We had lot of meetings one after the other…from the level of C.M to the peon of guest house…’
‘Oh that’s the matter…I know you don’t tell lie to me. .Anand you are an important man, important for Divine…but you have broken your promise…’
‘What’s that I really don’t understand?’
I waited for you whole the day … took mom to my brother’s home to have full day for you…I was waiting for your call…’
‘Divine we will meet tomorrow…’Anand told her.
‘No Anand, please come for five minute and then you can go…are you coming. ?..And she kept the phone…

Anand felt uneasy. .What happened to Divine. Why she was behaving like that..?
Anand was roving in the boat of uncertainty. He thought perhaps a new adventurous phase had started in his life…that all seemed to be the outcome of his coming closer to Divine…He did not change his clothes and came out in his night dress…but then suddenly there was another ring…he was about to start his scooter …first he thought of not attending to phone…but then he thought if this is Bhairvi’s call…what he will say?
He placed the lock on the scooter …came back to the other corner of the room…took receiver in his hand… and…
‘Anand dear, please don’t come now…I really feel sorry to disturb your sleep at this odd hour….Sleep well. ...have good dreams… let’s meet to-morrow.’ She put the phone. But Anand was still holding it in a state of confusion. .The wave of insecurity could take of a tide any moment, he thought…he was feeling bit shivering…his eyes burning…throat was dry. .he was just alone…few days back he was in Bhairvi’s arms and both took high flights dreaming about the new baby’s future. She had come back from the nursing home to stay for few more days with her mother in Kohefiza…Perhaps it might take a week…after that she would come to her new dream house …her husband’s real home.
She was very happy when Anand told her about the new University job…actually she took it as a blessing of mother godess and a good sign and co-incidence attached to the birth of their first child. …Anand was feeling relaxed with the positive streams of thoughts remembering the recent days he spent with his wife and child…he thought of giving new name to his son…Ashutosh…by now every one was calling him by the nick name Pintoo…Anand had to again go to Bhopal for conducting some worship etc, as according to the astral chart the new baby was born in melefic mars sign that was considered inauspicious for her mother …with these thoughts he was struggling to sleep..
And there was another ring. He was scared by the very idea.if the call was of Divine again.But when he took the receiver it was Bhairvi…after few minutes he informed her that he was tired and was almost gone for his sleeps.Bhaivi told him good night.

41/NEW SEEDS

Anand could not sleep whole night as there was another phone bell.It was 3.30 late night.Who it might be now…was it Divine.?
Anand was thrilled by her wavering voice…she was under influence of wine.
‘Dear Anand …now this is my order this time…never see me in your future life….how long can anybody wait for you…You have become so special …you made promises and then broke it…I am half Divine and half Anand telling you not to come to me again…after you gave me your first kiss…I have become half Anand …’She was floating in romantic mood…Are you silent Anand…I am sleepless without you now…you have taken all my sleeps…!

Anand did not have courage to even reply to her words…this was the most dreadful night of his life…The situation was worsening…the mistakes he was committing…he was solely responsible for all that.The seeds of sin were germinating in their new relation, that was absolutely immoral and the situation was alarming. Rather both of them were moving on the wrong paths
…
Anand remembered each word of Divine, as she was speaking with interruptions, calling him again and again on telephone, expressing herself in the most absurd manner… that he never heard before from her. Any way he decided to go to her house as early as possible so that he can bring her to normalcy…He locked his house and reached there within an hour. The morning walkers were on the roads. in the PublicPark, on benches .old and young enjoying the fresh air of nature…even at the time when he was entering the house of Divine a newly married couple living in her neighborhood took notice of him and glanced at him in a typical questioning way as if they were the parents of Divine. .He also felt that they were feeling bad about his visit so early in the morning…for that moment he thought ,his visit might be exposed and they might communicate about his frequent visits to her brothers…for his own satisfaction he thought that if anything wrong happened he would make clear with her brothers that he visited her in the morning because there were urgency regarding the literacy mela being organized…as Divine was already offered the job for this program…but then another afterthought took birth in his mind…he would talk about some urgent sketches pending to be completed by her…but then he decided not to bother himself too much for these petty matters..
Divine opened the door.She was not in her proper dress…Anand for a moment wanted to console himself that the affect of wine was not there in her behavior…that way she was normal..
‘Come Anand come…’She went inside her house,changed her dress ,after putting a night gown on her petticoat told him to wait till she brings tea for him
‘My congratulations to you…for the offer of Asst Registrar post in Kota University.’
‘Oh thank you Anand .but this is all due to you.’She told him.She was normal but her mood was in little tension’
‘What happened to you at night….did you…’He could not complete his sentence..
‘No…. never Anand .were you scarred …it was just my drama…don’t you feel it now…’
‘You could also do that I never imagined. .Anand felt relaxed… The tea too was very refreshing.’
‘But you are still under stress. I have never seen it on your face before. .’He wanted to know the reason of stiffness on her face…’
‘I may not join the University job-She told him in the dead-slow manner.
‘Is it not a good offer?’
‘Not that .Actually I am going to be married in the next month. ’Divine told her.
‘It’s good news…’
‘Not really good…the boy is in U.K.He is there with some INGO, perhaps working with CROSSFAM, a British donor agency and will be here in India for only seven days… and after marriage will take me with him..’
‘But then what is bad about it?’
‘Anand he is not a proper match. I have known from my cousin his past credentials are not good. .He was thrown away from St. Marry Catholic Church because of his misconducts with ladies in Bombay.’
‘But you never told me all that…’
‘The proposal is from my Bhabhi’s side…She thinks he is a very good match.’
‘When exactly did you know about it? Anand asked.
‘Just a month back and I was in a state of confusion…I even decided to go against the wishes of my parents but they all feel, if I don’t marry now. .my mother will be shocked…she is also on her last legs and wants to see me married. .’Divine told.
‘So this is the matter…’
‘My so called fiancé will be here for a conference at Buharu near Ajmer.For two days earlier, but would be little bit free to meet me..He will be busy in installation of a Windmill there.’
‘Had he met you earlier in your life? Anand questioned her.
‘Never…and he had also agreed for marriage by seeing my photograph only’
…..Then all of a sudden Divine became conscious…She told
Anand-‘I am unnecessarily pulling you in my personal matters…now tell me how is your Bhairvi?
‘She is good …happy with the new baby.’
‘Fantastic…She is really very lucky.’
‘I thought to give my son a name Ashutosh.’
‘Is she coming soon?
‘She will attend your marriage .Now this will be her time to say you good bye, wishing you a happy married life.’
‘If it’s really happy .I don’t think it will be a happy marriage Anand…!
With this ending sad note by Divine, Anand left her home…He was unable to think anything in the forward direction. But one thing he decided that sooner or later he will leave his University
job
What had been smoking in the mind of Anand since long took a shape of fire in his heart…Just after meeting with Divine, Anand too started thinking that before Mela he will leave the ship of corruption, boldly and bravely expose the hidden loot and financial irregularities and other wrong practice of . Charan was by now a living symbol of corruption. He thought of disclosing some filthy facts of his character to his close journalist friends so that at least one day before the Mela his shaddy character and the frauds are brought to the notice of Youth leaderMr. Gandhi.Anand had still wishful ideas and wanted that the proper enquiry was conducted, against the so called literacy drive and the manipulative game of Charan.He was chalking out his strategy of exposing the literacy campaign, then and there his door was knocked and to his surprise…Divine was there before his eye’s.-‘Oh, Divine…please come in.’
‘No please, I don’t come, now you come out and see what a surprise I give you.Be ready for that.'
Anand could not understand what was there to see. It really glittered in his eyes... outside his house. New red Maruti car..!
‘Anand this is from the first lot first car .The manager of Baroda Bank himself had brought key of the car for me, as it was special instruction from his head office…I had to simply sign on the papers ..Now I am the pride owner of the car…the driver is there. ..Let’s enjoy the ride. .’Divine was telling him all in excitement.
Anand was really surprised by such initiative and favor from Charan’s side…He was not in a mood to join Divine..who was definitely interested to take him out for a joy ride on her new car…Divine told him good bye… and a young un-known boy drove her away from him…Anand understood the inside game of Charan, who had thrown a long rope for Divine ..Under his political advice and favours he wanted to exploit Divine then, which had been his most favorite sport .
'Divine too was in her best opportune time to go ahead- Anand thought.the green signal of her progress or fall became visible to Anand very clearly.
He did not encourage her.She was also being fooled by the crazy boss.No matter how nurturing or gentle the bully leader looks from outside.He would soon be after her true female assets It is never good to drain energy for him..the dirty politician.Anand decided to go according to his plan of exposing Charan’s corrupt practices and mis use of power by him in his own vested interests. He called his old journalist friend to help him expose the Inside- story of corruption of Literacy program.This time with more burning facts. When he asked him to meet him for a very urgent matter, Anand was surprised to hear from him that by tomorrow morning flight with he was leaving for Delhi with Charan, to meet Mr. Vijay Gandhi, just for inviting him to inaugurate the Mela .His journalist friend also told him that some Art teacher from St. Xavier school would also go with them for meeting the youth leader.(By that time Divine did not join the campaign officialy)
Anand was not surprised. Perhaps someone shot him right between the legs .He was feeling defeated by his own self. .His best journalist friend and then Divine had broken ties with him leaving him alone to fight against the corrupt establishment…he found himself rather lucky that he so far did not break the news to anybody and he was little bit safe…But to his surprise one thing he was not able to understand, how Divine changed her decision. .After all she told him last morning that she was not going to join University since there was a marriage proposal before her. .Is she gone so far away from him that she did not share such important thing as going to Delhi with Charan for meeting Mr. Gandhi…he was feeling himself unable to articulate his mind in any proper direction…

And out of his expectation, Anand received a phone from Divine. He picked it up. .Her voice was not that firm as he usually heard.
‘Can you believe Anand, I am calling you from University guest house ’She told him
' I can believe anything about Divine.’Anand reated in a very dull voice.
‘Mr. Charan is interested to talk to you, he is on the line.’
‘O.K connect to him. .But where is the P.A? Is Naiyer disappeared?
You are working on his behalf? Do I need any mediation of your now?
Atleast he never expected this cheapness from Divine….
‘Anand Miss Divine is extremely intelligent girl I ever met…She is now not only my secretary but a confidante and saviorfair of our program’— Charan perhaps overheard his dialog…’
‘Mr. Charan …I know she is a gem.Please tell me what I can do for you sir?’
‘I discussed some important aspects. Since we could not meet.I had called her for detailed talks. .you know time is short. .and lot of things to be done…Anand can you come to guest house right now? Charan started playing his game Anand felt badly frustrated Things were going bad to worse…out of his hands..Anand could not make his mind to go to guest house then to face more humiliating situation. .Then after an hour he received another call. .It was again Divine. .She very politely told him that she was coming to his house as Mr Charan wanted me to discuss some pending matters hoping that he was free for ten minutes…


42/VOW


Everything was beyond his reach then. .but he was not prepared to surrender so easily.
Anand told Divine, he will not be at home till late night. .He just put the receiver .There was ring again after five minutes…ring …ring…and rings. .he did not respond. .He locked his room and gone to meet the religious lady Shridha Mata to Hathroi Fortress. .An isolated place away from the madening crowd of city and did not come home till late night. He did not attend the late night call of Divine…He talked to Bhairvi for pretty long time and felt relaxed…Anand also took a vow not to contact Divine again and forget about the Literacy Campaign till the visit of Mr. Gandhi was over…He sent his leave and became inactive. Because he kept himself away from the program, Divine took over very easily .She was designated as Associated Director in University and rose to new heights. .not looking back once she started ascending the ladders of progress…
After successful completion of Mela and visit of youth leader, she was awarded as ‘Lady of Literacy’ .that year and finally started her own project of social work near Bandra Sindry on the road side of Ajmer-Jaipur close to the habitat of prostitutes. It was a program of counseling and welfare of prostitute’s children. .She developed a Pre- school and hostel for them and conducted regular health care for that community

At Bandra Sindry there were scattered pockets of prostitute’s family and the typical age old tradition of this established institution of prostitution was a custom under which the eldest daughter was forced to adopt the profession of a prostitute. The other members of the family were depending on her .All male members were working as brokers, imps .It was such a tradition that nobody from their community opposed, but in new times whosoever heard about this, felt bad about it .The eldest daughter was not allowed to settle and lead an independent family life. When Divine knew all this while working in the University, she decided to start her own project at Bandra Sindry. She was supported by Ministry of Human Resources and some top- brass of bureaucracy in the central government.
It was the evening after the Literacy award and a special party was arranged by Charan in a famous five star hotel in honor of Miss Divine to commemorate her achievements in the field of eradication of illiteracy from the township of the Pinkcity.For that party Youth leader Vijaya Gandhi was a special guest .She was already known to him as the young leader had seen her in Jaipur.In the party she got lot of appreciation from Mr. Gandhi and was assured of all possible help in her activities. .As a matter of fact the project of Bandra Sindry was the idea of the youth leader who wanted that Divine should come forward in real social work.
The party ended well but after the party Divine was invited for drinks by a very senior leader and a very close friend of Mr. VijayGandhi . She could not refuse and took drink beyond limits. After three scotches only her speech started to slur, and her walk became lopsided, face went slack. Her body was imbalance.
Charan warned her to cut her intake but she gone for the fourth scoth…That was the first time that Charan took her away from the bar- room and advised her to take rest in the special suit of the hotel.
Charan glanced at her incredible beauty in sleeping posture .He had so far not seen her in such condition and even did not think that she would go for drinks to this extent..! but suddenly another thought came in Charan’s mind…Divine often expressed her resentment for the way women were used by their own close relatives and friends…Her words made sense to Charan…as his past life had been fully encircling around that type of exploitation of woman whenever he got an opportunity…and his experienced inside man convinced him that Divine would be no exception Then he thought again, was this the right time to go ahead with his past experience.She was drunk and all his friends left the party. It was mid-night and Divine was in her half –sleep. Charan again stared at her beautiful face.
Before sleep she vomited badly on her red gown and Charan helped her in cleaning .In that way he first time handled her body
And took of her leather jacket and helped her wash her mouth, eye’s hands and part of waist .She was still in her non-sense and talking absurd. She again and again asked him why she was brought over here…will Vijaya Gandhi.. Came there… and… slept in her room?
Charan felt awkward about her this type of behavior but he had the experience of handling ladies of high societies at such occasions, so called social workers and lady journalists often created such scene in the high-ups gatherings and he had tackled all that…Taking away such novice and new-breads from such occasions, escorting them unto their homes or hotels had been his job in the initial stage of entering politics…But by now Charan himself was a mature politician and understood all the cunning corridors and passages of politics. .and these happenings were very casual for him…rather these were also designed and created or organized by themselves.
Wine and women in that way had become a necessity in the societyto-day and politicians are part of this game. The only thing of care in certain matters was to see that these things are not exposed in public and the game is played safely and peacefully.
That way Charan felt satisfied that Divine was in safe hands another custody .Such custodians of his types also believed in the idiom-‘The pen, woman and book don’t remain withit’s owner if it is passed from one hand to another .Charan remembered that evening, no sooner did Divine was introduced to him by Anand then the next moment she became part of his lifeand property. Charan Smiled cunningly in himself.. He was in the bathroom after washing his mouth again and again and combing his hairs at mid- night opposite mirror. .he went to his bed, did not disturb Divine. She was in her good dreams…

And in the morning in fresh air and with nice tea, Charan handed- over that sanction letter of Human Resource Ministry to Divine in which her ‘Project of Bandra-Sidry’ was thru .It was a project of twenty lakhs for construction of building and running of a hostel for the children of prostitutes in that area.
‘You are really great Charan Saab. .Divine was happy and excited.
‘Divine please don’t tell me Saab…Tell me comrade. .You know I am an old leftist, ’He laughed cunningly.
‘Sir I know some pseudo-leftist but you are sitting on my right side, keeping a safe distance. .Am I so much un-touchable?..
‘Divine you are gem of the gems, you are Divine! Charan was in good mood to flatter her.’
‘Mr. Charan, my comrade .I love you. .!’It was a sudden and un- unbelievable embrace. Divine locked him in her arms. .She was sobbing and tears appeared on her depressed shining cheeks.


Mr. Charan returned Jaipur by the same Maruti which Divine got as gift (not by product)… before she joined the Literacy campaign.
‘I think as Hindu you also believe in re-birth? Divine questioned him..He was driving her car.
‘Why you have asked this question Divine.?
‘Because I feel you are so caring and attached to my life now that I feel there must be something behind all that’-Divine wanted to give reason to her thoughts.
‘You will laugh at me,I had to meet you in this birth that’s why I have taken birth as human being…who knows in next birth I might take birth as a Rat.!’ Charan replied her.
‘Are you in a mood of joke sir?’She asked politely.
‘Not at all, you know we are Charans…and we also take birth as Rats of Karni Mata temple.’
‘As Rats ?why not as Rabbits…I love Rabbits the best species on earth the best creation of almighty God..’She reacted immediately.
‘Divine what I told you is a Myth and it is attached to Charan community in particular.’
‘Oh, take care there was a rabbit running on the road. ’.She told him .He relieved the accelerator and applied break to slow the car.’
‘Now please don’t tell me you may take birth as Rat in the temple’
‘Only in Karani Temple not anywhere else.’Have you seen that temple of Desnok
Charan asked her.
I would love to see the place of your next birth…She told. They both laughed….


At Mid-Way, Charan decided to take rest .He met the Manager and one Super-Deluxe room was arranged for their staying…Charan ordered for tea in the room, he went in the bathroom and came back fresh. Divine was pouring tea in his cup. .She also knew how much sugar he takes. One and half spoon..!
‘Divine I think it’s not a bad idea to relax a bit here. .They are all my friends…I mean..
‘The Hotel Managers .She completed his sentence.
Charan laughed and took cup in his hand.
‘If you don’t mind comrade, may I ask why tears rolled on your face last night? .He became little bit serious.
‘…This was due to one mix feeling…I can’t tell you about that.’
‘O.K…but. .if anything wrong or mistake I committed? He wanted to impress her.
‘How could you be?’You are a great reliever of my pains of life.
I know what you have done for me comrade.’
‘So now it means. ….you can share your problems with me.’
‘It was no problem, but inside me some rotten thing was burning’
‘Divine you have to tell me that now. .I am rather worried now. .If you don’t tell me I will feel bad about it .Charan told her and he came more close to Divine. .Dear, do you need some drink to feel relax.
‘No, drink will create another problem. .now I am better.’
‘So that means opening the closed chapter..!
‘It was the black day of my life….and with this beginning she opened her heart before Mr. Charan …her God father!


43/DEVIL’S DAY

Divine took the driving seat now. She was feeling relaxed after telling her story of sensational encounter with her fiancé Robin who visited Buharu in connection of installation of a Windmill.
Divine was requested to visit that Social Action and Development Organization to meet her fiancé .Since he was in a short visit to India and his one of the itineraries was to finalize the marriage proposals with her, Divine reached there for an informal dialogue.

She was also under pressure to marry Robin because her Bhabhi was in favour of this marriage as he was in some distant relation of Bhabhi…Divine was told that Robin was a specialist of intermediate technology and moved around the world as an expert of Windmill.
When Divine met him, he was engaged in the adjustment of a wheel which he brought from the local market. He elevated himself at the height of forty feet with the help of bamboos and ropes and was almost hanging in the air.

She waited for him for at least half an hour, just sitting on the mud under a Babool tree .It was a dusty and warm afternoon Sunday. Robin was almost looking like a dirty casual worker wearing a Shandow and rag-jeans. His face was burning and shining in spite of the setting Sun .He was not a good looking boy but also not ugly. His height was very impressive with rounded shoot-black face and dark black eyes like a Negro. .He came down from his post and told Divine to come along to canteen for tea where they would meet lot of other social workers .She followed her and on the way he told her-‘Divine, Are you ready for marriage on next Monday? She was surprised by his first question.
‘Well, I have not yet decided anything regarding marriage. .but …yes mybrothers and Bhabhi are interested that this marriage be solemnized on the next Monday, as you are going to leave India on Tuesday evening to London…I am told you are here for the conference only and in due course you also want to marry a girl of your choice…I don’t know what you have decided about me…’She asked him.
‘Oh… you. ? Divine you are beyond my expectations, that way you are my dream –girl. .I will be happy to marry you. .I have sent my consent to your brother the same day, I have seen your photograph’.—He told her smilingly.-‘Rather I was anxious to meet you…he again smiled. His white teeth shined –‘and you lookmore beautiful, better than the photo I have seen. ’He told her.
..But without your personal confirmation I do not want to marry. That’s why I wanted to meet you before…and perhaps you have seen me…how I work…’
Divine was not impressed by his way of working and remaining dirty, although she enjoyed tea with other members of the project…and came to Guest- House along with him…there were three to four rooms in row and a small closed court-yard. .then simple hut like structures of bath-rooms separated from the living rooms .In rooms there was an arrangement for staying for two guests in a single room. These rooms were re-structured as the entire project area was an old and deserted T.B .sanatorium allotted to this organization for their community development programs. The entire area was totally an isolated place and the project office and other residential houses were far away from this place.

‘When is your conference of CROSSFAM? She just asked him out of curiosity.
‘After three days but by that time I will be free for marriage for one day if you give your green signal.—He told her.
‘But so far nothing has been planned or decided, it will be better if you give me more time.’
‘What planning you want…I am only interested in the ring ceremony and few necessary sermons by a priest. That all hardly will take two hours. .and after that formal registration of marriage on the same day…and we will be ready for the flight…I am told your international Passport and Visa is already made so there will be no problem to say bye- bye to India.’ Robin was very fast in thinking and deciding things at his own level.
‘Still I think we need some time…It’s not that simple as you think.’
‘It’s as simple as the simplicity. .if you have decided. .Just think.. and it’s done.’
‘Well that way I have not yet decided, I still want some time…’She told in a dull voice.
‘Then I feel you have some other problem –Robin was revealing his rotting teeths.
‘Do you have some ...boy friend ?He asked her with a burly man’s gaze. ‘Don’t mind if I tell you frankly- a gruff character coming out of him, ‘I normally screw two to three married or un-married friends in a year…It’s an average.—All of a sudden his behavior became abnormal. .He even gone to the extent of using filthy words and his body language was in- tolerable.
‘What rubbish you are talking.’ Divine was scarred of his obscene expressions.But by that time he had tightened her .She cried with deep breath-Leave me and immediately got up, wanted to leave the room but a very strong and rough hand caught hold of her slim and slender body again. .He was changed into a monster by now.
‘Now listen… dear bitch. .I know that bloody donkey who fuck you everyday…don’t think they are all blind, your Bhabhi told me all your stories. .Now call your hero for help. Nobody will come to help you.. ’And with total power and pressure of the devil, Robin brought her to bed, restlessly kissed and after breaking the kiss, he gulped the air and gasping with a big smile, told her -‘Ohh,Saltee,
‘I wanted you ever since I had seen your photo…He lowered his passion –filled hungry mouth and with his teeth he smeared Divines red blouse and voraciously suckled her tits first one and then the other and did not care for her crying and opposing from both her hands. After a minute or two he raised his body, just enough to convince her that there was nobody to come to her help,
and after full control he buried himself completely inside her… forcefully wrapping his legs around her waist…her body was trembling, she wanted to resist with her full strength placing her hands over her stripped private part, but with shining anger filled in his red eye’s he opened the jip of his jeans and raped her brutally.
He stopped only when the cot broke-down and they fell on the ground. .damaging his frontal teeth showing drops of blood which stained the white bed- sheet stretched over the cot.
The last night train brought her back to her home; with tears rolling from her eye’s Divine unlocked her door and fell on the blue carpeted floor like a rootless tree.The whole night lightning flashed the sky and heavy rains flooded the streets.She wanted to pick up the phone to contact Anand but there was an omnious silence at the other end.

And after a fortnight she joined Kota Open University as Deputy Registrar.

Divine told this bitter story to Mr. D.D.Charan – her ‘ new god-father’ after a very long gap… and felt relaxed…From her hearts of the hearts Divine wanted to take strong legal action against Robin who molested her in Buharu . She was prepared to go to any extent.Mr Charan expressed his concern and assured all sort of help but advised her to wait for the right time so that with best possible way a proper legal battle can be fought .He was thinking to take her case to Fast Track Court, since the matter was involving a Social Worker who had international connections and was serving an INGO of reputation.


44/SEA CHANGES

By that time sea- changes came in Anand’s life also. Fortunately he also came in touch with Ms Mira Gandhi at the time when she was elected back from south after abdication from throne as Prime Minister..It was the real turning point of Anand’s life that brought him into the arena of top- brass of the country.
Anand remembered his first turning point of life when he met Mrs. Mira Gandhi without any formal appointment. It was about five o' clock in the evening and under the cloudy sky and filtered light, Anand was enjoying with his stretched legs and palm-pillow, the surrounding beauties of the cultural capital on the scattered green lawn of Ravindra Bhawan, opposite Mandi House..He came there with some of his close artist friends to witness the fourth –Trinale, the international venture of art. There was an impressive sculpture in the middle of the circle and all the buildings around this epicenter were hubbubs of the creative activity.
The depots Prime Ministers Mrs. Mira was coming out of the art gallery of Ravindra Bhawan, and all of a sudden he caught sight of her. She was just alone and to his surprise, there was nobody to even company her till she reached at the end of the pavement. It so seemed as if even her own shadow had gone away from her... Those days were perhaps worst in her life and she was facing Badshah Commission's dogmatic inquires. She was ousted from power after emergency... Anand was excited to see her outside Ravindra Bhawan. It was beyond his imagination. He just jumped on his feet and with a feeling of an inner happiness; he rushed to the direction of her ordinary old white Fiat Car. He also told his other friends to come and meet the great lady...since all of them were her admirers she enjoyed talking to the young art- lovers. Anand also invited his photographer friend to take some photographs of Miraji with their group for which she agreed and gave to-three poses smilingly. .She was in happy responsive mood when Anand congratulated her for her recent return from Chikanpur constituency .She smiled and thanked Anand.She perhaps thought that Anand was a different type of fresh-faced young boy She even invited him to meet at her home, some time whenever he was in the capital... and that was the beginning of his golden time Two shots outside the car and one impressive portrait looking through the side screeen of her car.She also waved them all smilingly. He visited her home after a month, had good talk and his luck and circumstances brought him close to Mrs. Mira Gandhi who very intelligently became the wizard of politics again and was elected back as P.M soon.
At that time Anand was facing tough time fighting with the new University Job.He was encouraged to leave his old job of University immediately by one of her close associate and was helped to joine Research and Analysis Wing (RAW) which was P.M's special cell at that time. only at that time he got an opportunity to meet Shaheen again who came along with the Pakistan Prez to Jaipur to witness a friendly match with India.He was shifted to SIB later and other intelligence service as an officer and ultimately got shifted to Anti-Terrorist Squad (ATS), the job was very close to his hobby of shooting, which he had developed earlier in his student life at Bikampur.
After joining Anti Terrorist Squad he got a call from her old friend at his residence…She was coming to Delhi to meet some foreigner friend…and Anand too felt like helping her once again .For a long time he was not in touch with Divine and was not much interested to know about her activities but after receiving a call he thought to meet his old friend.
It was definitely an interesting day for Anand who happened to be an officer of Anti-Terrorist-Squad and it was the beginning of his career too..As a matter of fact the so called phrase ‘Encounter Specialist “a self styled and self imposed cultural contribution in itself.At least not meaning exactly that in terms of dictionary, what is glorified in the Police wing..It is also said that no language owns its that meaning that is particularly referred to in the glamorous world of general public.In the mind of the people this simple phrase has become a synonym of death…In the crime branch that word is used for those shooters who are identified with the number of goons each killed in the encounter…
Anand was from the officers rank and did not come under the category of Inspectors and Sub- Inspectors yet he went out and enjoyed the killings out of his position until he was truly absorbed in the Anti- Terrorist Squad…He was not among those so called Encounter Specialists who scored more hits…whose score was beyond !00 sometimes…His position in the A.T.S was of a very different type…He took killing of terrorist as a real adventure in his life…He was an officer of a kind who took personal pains and risks in organizing the encounters and acted in the front line of his junior cops…He had seen the days of Dadas of the business capital, using country made kattas…and also the most organized crime of Terrorists .having international links and even strong local connections with big politicians…those goons had been connected with the black- marketers and hoarders of essential commodities…till late bomb blast game …in that the accused had connections in European countries …and Dubai. .some of them had their hide-outs in Pakistan…Anand had even faced directly those hard core criminals who managed to escape due to the loop- holes in the law..
He had seen the divide of gangs in Hindu –Muslim formations…which created lot of development of syndicating of criminals on the broad- base. .and only after that phase Anand left his Encounter Specialist job and joined politics directly. .It was definitely an interesting side line and the off-shoot of organized white collar crime of the country. Anand remembered his first interesting day of his being with the Anti-Terrorist Sqad.
.By now he was almost settled and had a happy married life, still he was in touch with Divine. As a painter and by now she had put three to four important one man shows of her painting in the capital New Delhi at Ravindra Bhawan and Jahangir Art Gallery in Bombay.
Anand was living in the south Delhi area and Bhairvi had changed to Chemistry teaching from her earlier nursing background. She was still in touch with her old friend Divine. It was around evening that he got a call from Divine that she was coming to Delhi to receive one of her painter friends who was a new acquaintance. He was coming with his Roman Catholic Nun wife. Anand was requested by Divine to come to Santacruez Airport for some formal clearance from Custom etc.
Anand had no previous idea of any other relationship developed between Divine with her so called artist painter friend. He immediately informed his close friend Narang who was a custom officer who had been known for his smuggler's eye and good nose. In due course of time Anand was informed by his friend that the person for whom he is coming to Santacruez was under sever vigilance right form Addis Ababa. His so called Nun Catholic wife was also a suspect and Anand was advised not to come to receive him, since his contact could be further put to long investigations at Airport. He was also told to be in touch with his friend Narang who would soon discover their criminal credentials... To his surprise the painter and his so called Nun wife were held due to passport irregularities and giving wrong information to Custom Officer. The so called catholic Nun was carrying 400 watches hidden in her girdle and round her waist. She was in a dress of a Roman Catholic Nun and the suspected painter was nobody but a terrorist connected with the Pakistan Intelligence who was active in Kashmir Insurgency... That was Anand's first exposure to such incident and he saved not only himself but warned Divine not to go to Airport for receiving her painter friend. The same evening when the entire episode was exposed in the evening bulletin of Times of India, all three of them enjoyed, laughed and took a vow not to believe any stranger in future... Fortunately Anand did not use his sure shot pistol at the stranger as A.T.S. Officer and saved himself from the first possible encounter with the Pak Terrorist who could be his target also.
After this event Divine was requested by Anand’s wife and her intimate friend to stay at least for one night with them in Delhi. All three of them talked all through the night under the twinkling stars on the roof top balcony remembering their old meeting in Bhopal before Anand and Bhairvi were married. Divine was still a bachelor and couldn’t find a proper match for her.At that time only Bhairvii asked divine some positive questins and tried to understand the problems and realities of her unmarried life
‘Have you not come across anybody so far whom you could give your heart? Bhairvi asked her.
‘I am not that lucky as you are, still my search is going on…but as you know I have never been a type who run after the boys..At least so far…but don’t know of future.’’
‘The instinct of liking and disliking never dies in a human being..And she has that spirit’…Anand just intervened..
‘Yes I know better than you…She has a spirit of Phoenix…This time Bhairavi commented.
‘ Not exactly that…but I never really give up…She told very politely.‘
She left in the next morning for Pink city inviting both Anand and Bhairvi to Kota, when ever they felt free
….. ……. …….. ……
It was just a chance that after his joining RAW and her last Delhi meeting when Anand wanted to meet Divine, she was still working in Kota Open University. Her house was locked from outside. It was a holiday but knowing her old habits when he knocked the door he found her busy with someone else . .An Ambassador Car with the name plate of Literacy Campaign was there on the road side
In the last year Divine was also in the capital and she got the national award for her contribution in the field of Literacy …Anand was certain that the parked Ambassador car must belong to Charan , who these days became Divine’s shadow… On the same side red color Muruti car of Divine was also parked. .Her first gift and favor by Charan.It was odd time but he knocked the door. After some time, she opened the Jaffery and after glancing at him she told him politely-‘Oh Anand, wel-come. Please wait for two minutes. She was boozed. He thought it was not the right time to come here .In the first reaction Anand thought of going back but it was too early and immature of him that he thought of such a nonsensical thing in his life.., perhaps for the first time... he was not ready to face such a situation. Perhaps the very appearance of Divine and her body language “was not to his expectation... and incidently, he was one day earlier, and also without any notice, he was knocking door of an unmarried status girl in very odd hours. Was it justified? He asked himself but within few minutes. Divine was again before him. It was not a good gesture for Anand since what a new drama he was seeing by his naked eyes was not worth believing! ‘Come Anand come to my bedroom directly .Today is holiday, Mr. Charan has gone from the back door after knowing that some senior police officer was knocking my door…He did not know Anand it was you.’
In the fumbling voice,fibbing eyes,contempt of chin , nose-tip and cynical dancing hands-legs togather like a ‘lady villain’ Divine was uttering her words in varied emotions .Her earlier sober behavior and grace was sharply in contradiction to the way she was dressed in brief panty. Her skin tight halter neck topper shoewcased her protruding nipples, like calling attention motion, Like some western model all that was in full of sex- appeal showing her exhibitionistic tendency.
‘Anand perhaps you don’t know, I have finally accepted Mr Charan my god- father although he is a by-product lover of my first lover …but that doesn’t mean… I don’t love… you .Anand I… again and… again wanted… to break… one barrier. That’s of Bhairvi…and I couldn’t do that…we all can’t be happy…You take my notice once in a year now…give me only occasional hug and kiss of gratitude …darling I really appreciate that…for so long Anand, I couldn’t stand the thought of living away from my heart…and you know in that heart there is no body but Anand …my great Anand…but you are far away now…and then…I need Mr. Charan… I need more sex now …people like you…… often oblise me in installments …but what I do…my urge remain overdrive…he is my god father… you know it since long…You are the first imigrant in my heart….but at this age… he needs me more than his wife…. and he is prepared to take me home as hi…s second wife, but I don’t want it…I don’t want to be a spinster…Even if he loves me I will end as spinster in other’s eye’s… He has unmarried daughters of my age. Can I do that…?. I will never do it … But he is my fantastic god-father…!.You had given a forced bachelor tag to your Divine ….is it not right? She threw off the clothes that covered her.Turning this way or thatway she moved in the room occassionally gazing into the mirror.
Anand was puzzled by all this.It was a sort of new metamorphosis in her life and for the first time not a good experience for Anand since he never thought of such a low level of inclination and lust before on part of Divine, who had been in touch with Anand for a very long time.Any way, since Anand also knew his own weakness of sex, he didn’t bother about the newly developed relationship of Divine with any Tom, Dick and Harry…..! No…he immediately gave his mind second thought….. All this all will not make any difference and will not affect his relationship with Divine.
For the first time in their long relations they had very long but almost silece sitting…as if from both the sides nothing was left to be told. There remained no need of any sort of explanation or excuse from any side.The things moved in their own way and life took shaped was self explainatory.What was the need to think about that again and again…Their closeness and at the same time their distance was to be understoodin relative terms also.So far Anand and Divine both have been observing and understanding their lives with different angles… the raods were zig-zag some times meeting some times going apart as if there was no relation between them and that was life!Rather it’s very nature with those who are in love (?)…It is always advised that dignity without bitterness is the best way to be in intimacy in life.
Yet It was an immature but cowrdice but inarticulate behaviour on part of Mr charan to have left Divine when he heard of his visit…but that was a reality of life also…for keeping dignity of both, rather all three of them,he left the place….and after all he was still a member of Parliament !
And realistic approach kept him in Divine’s touch.In another occasion he visited Kota again…and it was a different meeting.


45/LIVING MIRACLE ON EARTH
Anand the encounter specialist was in the holiday mood. He again thought of opening a new accont with Devine.Actually he became frustrated in the last meeting in Kota so he took one-week leave from his official duty and wanted to enjoy discussions on poetry and arts with Divine again. She was promoted as Dy. Registrar in the Kota Open University and he was in Bombay. Before leaving the most happening wonderful world of Mumbai, where he was posted for a week, he phoned Divine that he was coming to Kota for refreshing himself for two-to-three days and would like to visit a strange place very close to Kota city famous for a living miracle on earth, (as he heard of him but never believed till now) known as Vani Pandit (the seer and orator predictorof anything on earth, past, present or future). He told her that the details of the Pandit he would tell later when he reached there.
It was raining heavily that day, in the morning when all three of them started for Badod by a private taxi. The conversation between them was quite interesting and full of ideas.

The V.C. of Open University Mr. Sharma was also curious about the so called Vani Pandit and hence he came along with them. It was also because of his academic and intellectual background and being a good friend of Anand’s girl friend his company was worth sharing.
‘Don’t you feel, what I’ve known about Vani Pandit through Miss Divine, may be not factual and our going there may not satisfy our purpose- Asked V.C, pointing his preliminary doubt about Badod visit.
‘Well I’m not very much doubtful since I had shared the experience with our Chief Army Commander Mr. Joshi, who had visited Badod and was quite convinced with the miraculous powers possessed by Pandit Gowardhan Sharma who is quite known among higher elite as-well-as common people living in the village.’ …Anand replied V.C..
‘But whatever we have heard is beyond any intelligence and can be doubted by anybody…
It is still interesting to explore all this’. Miss Divine Fernandes said.
‘I feel, the human faculty has limitless possibilities to go beyond and beyond and miracles definitely prove this… Anand was almost certain about the Vani Pandit and what Mr. Joshi told him few months before was going to be the reality for him and his two friends who were accompanying him’.
Badod was a sleeping town and after heavy rainfall, now a pleasure of drizzling! There was a play of sunlight and clouds moving very fast in blue background sky. Very few persons were visible here and there and the settlement was seemingly on the right side of the road. A small street between the Pucca single storied houses was seen when all three of the visitors came out of the car. An adolescent girl just crossed them and Anand enquired about Gowerdhan Sharma’s house. The girl responded fast and pointed her finger towards the same street which was visible to them for reaching Vani Pandit house.
The street was blind at a very little distance and in the left side of the row houses an unassuming person was seen sitting there. He was a middle aged man enjoying beedi (Local smocking). He was purely a village man, not shaven for two-three days and his face was mixed light black. He was wearing a small piece of Dhoti and Gandhi Kurti only his legs were not truly bony but looking feeble. By this time all these three persons – one being a senior police officer, the other an intellectual – artist and young bureaucrat and the third one again a highly placed person known as V.C. of Kota Open University were approaching closely towards the person sitting on the legs like white Crane with black long nose and elongated face. ‘Can you tell us, where Mr. Gowerdhan Sharma lives?’ Enquire Anand from the sitting man.
‘Hukam, I’m Gowerdhan…, please tell me what service I’ve to offer to you gentlemen?’ Very politely Vani Pandit replied.
‘We have heard very high of you and your miracles, we want to take some part of your valuable time’
‘Yes, please come with me’. and he just stood, turned left, gone few steps ahead and further turned left in the small court yard of a very small house and without any hesitation and formality told them to sit on the left side of the entrance, erected for seating made of simple stone slabs. On the opposite side Goverdhan Sharma, Vani Pandit took his position and asked all three of them if they had any problem! Anand decided not to talk in beginning and requested the V.C. to know the realities… ‘Well, we have come here not with any problems but I am particularly interested in knowing something about the special faculty you possess I have heard about you that you can answer any question of any background and I will be very happy if you can very kindly reflect upon the meaning of religion in context of Indian and Western Philosophy…! For giving replying to V.C.’s question, Vani Pandit (V.P.) brought a piece of an old newspaper just lying, on the right hand side of his seat and put it before his eyes, as if he was going to read something printed on it. He was holding the paper by both his hands and started reading the text abruptly…
“The meaning of religion which is known as Dharma in India is different in the Western Philosophy. The sun is the highest and the biggest beholder of religion who in constant penance and austerity and devotion…there is no day and light for sun who is the preserver of the entire universe...! The Religion is reason…Duty and obligations and dharma totality in our country… In the west it's a belief and particular system of faith.
It was really surprising and to to their great satisfaction, all the answers of any type of their enquiry were just ready-made there and Vani Pandit was very quick to speak, whatever he was seeing on the printed sheet of newspaper, he was reading and on that basis he would express himself. It was a miracle and in their life time they had not yet seen or heard of such a miracle. Vani Pandit was half-literate and in reality could not even read and write much. But when he used Sanskrit stanzas and contexts from Kabir, Tulsi, Meera and even quoted Urdu poetry for supporting his versions, ideas and thought of well known epics...that went beyond anybody’s imagination… V.P. was truly a miracle on earth. He replied all questions of science, politics, literature, theater and even future predictions of existing political parties of this country even about spreading of Aids and its dangers on the global scale. Besides so many other interesting things V.P. also told them about their old age-connections and previous birth stories which was full of excitement according to him…Before this birth they all three were in the employment in the house of Kuber… the lady Registrar was a milk maid and Anand was the In-charge of the biggest Dairy Farm of heaven under the kingdom of the Indra… the present V.C. was holding an important portfolio in the kingdom of the heaven … because of some miss happening and irregularities all three of them were expelled out of the heaven and taken birth on earth as humans as they are today. V.P. also told Anand that this is his 32nd birth on earth again as human because of his partial but true religious commitments and before that he has lived so many lives of different creatures also.
Vani Pandit answered Anand's many other questions, particularly about the distinct characterstics of Shaheen, Sonal and Bhairvi and their special role behavior in his past present and future life.
Anand never thought of his previous births before and since he was not very much seroius about his last birth he was keen on contemplating new ideas through these fantasies. There were definitely certain hidden facts.
Anand’s first birth was in some ancient city famous for business and the name of city was Kanchanpur where he was born as a son of a businessman. The entrance of the house was always crowded by people from different walks of life, since everyone wanted the blessing of his father. His father had the direct access to the king of that time and was a very rich and privileged man having all comforts.
Decorative elephants, horse, camel and palanquins carved with silver & gold were at his doorstep. Anand was growing like full moon and had the unparallel handsome face and strong built body un-matching to anybody on earth.
His name was Chandra Bhan who was perhaps waiting for some mis -happening in his life. It so happened that the court-dancer of Haven, Rambha fell in love with him and managed to meet him in some beautiful garden.
The love was endless and both of them were enjoying the life on earth… but there was something else cooking in the mind of Rambha, who had also thought suddenly about her exciting time in heaven. She wanted to dance in the court of Lord Indra again from where she came here and fell in love with Chandra Bhan… her state of mind was in confusion because she also didn't’ want to lose the company of his lover… she made Chandra Bhan a black bee… and put him under her bra.
The dance of Rambha in the court of lord Indra was in full swing and she was so excited that she did not know when she fell down… she was sweating badly and her falling down in the middle of dance was an insult of the court of Indra, which never witnessed such a seen. The whole spirit and excitement of the audience was lost in the wind and faces of the accompanist became colourless.
It was a worried affair for Ashwini-Kumars, the Doctors who immediately was called for Rambha, the court dancer and ultimately found cause of her depression was discussed. The black bee was exposed from the bra. Rambha along with Chandra Bhan were thrown out of the heaven and took birth as pigs on earth… this curse was due to the lust and falling from duties of court dancer for Rambha. Chandrabhan was cursed for his adventures for sex and playboy spirits.
Anand’s other births on earth were in the human form of Vidyadher, who was also in love with another Vidyadhari. ''They both could change their form and bodies in the air, their affection is unstable; they are ficle: thei feelings are variablre as their shapes.They can be just as hideously ugly as unaimaginably beautiful...'' Only after that birth he and Shaheen had taken rebirth to complete one more cycle of life.
'' What exactly was the story of my preveous birth and how could it be extended in this life? Has all that any relevance or significance to our present life? Anand asked this question to Vani Pandit.
'' I have very little time to tell you the details of this all, but since you have come with a special background, you'll yourself will get the answer in my chamber.''Please follow me alone.
Anand left his other companions outside at the entry point and went with V.P to his chamber. That was a place of worship where Anand was instructed to sit before the statue of goddess Durga. ... And what he heard was something never experienced in his life.He was almost in his slumber for some time and some voice was commanding his senses. What he heard in his meditative posture was very clear. The voice said: I know you would come today. Good. You would very soon meet your real love again. She is dearer to you than life itself.It was a chance that she had seen you in a compromising position with a beautiful wife of a priest of Shiv temple and to take revenge against you, she changed her mind, her senses of shifted loyalty, tempted and mis-led a lower clan Bhisti, who was taking his bath outside the garden of the adjoining Dargah, into sex enjoyment with her.Her mind was completly agitated.
It is said, women are not like rocks, but sky And at the thought of any mistrust suddenly arose, they burn like dry chips or straws easily taking fire., and tossed here and there by the gusts of hope and desperation.As a woman, she could tolerate anything in the three worlds but not ready to see her love lying in somebody's else's arms.
Shaheen as Vidyadhari played her game as a beautiful juvenile with her amorous gestures, of the eyes of Rati which freely and incessantly directed like the flashes of lightening towards the poor Bhisti by which the poor fellow was possessed by inward feeling of indistinct love.
With the hue of her tender lower lip she expressed her feelings-'' Oh my dear love I have not seen such a handsome person like you on earth so far .The irony of fate has thrown us togather. You have exerted a lot in your life, enough is enough. Now enjoy the syrup of a bee.''
'' But who are you my lady so charming and graceful...am I dreaming? The man of low status asked .He rubbed his eyes as if really coming out of a sweet dream.
It was early spring in his small town and for last twenty generations 'they' were serving Dargah as water workers.This was perhaps first twilight in the whole of their great grand father's order that some 'Hoor' has appeared before him.He would always awake early in the morning before the sun rise ans after washing his face and putting on an old head-gear would work tirelessly in the Dargah...and only when it was evening he would go for little rest.There were no days for dreaming in his life.He smiled and then blinked his eyes again.
''What you are thinking, I am not a dream but a reality.You can touch me...you can feel me...You can do anything you like with me...I am your love. I am Shaheen.She looked him straight in his eyes.
And then and there, there was no come back.It was some sea-shore, the wind was wild.Perhaps some sea-bird ( Shaheen) wanted to take rest for some time over the beautiful dome of the same Dargah which was made on the debris of an old Sanskrit Paathasala...known as kANTHABHARAN school of learning...The great mughals the son of marsh dwellers,claiming Arab descent, destroyed this beatiful small town when their army passed through the town.


But at last and not the least Anand had now taken a birth again in a reputed Rajguru family (he was later adopted by his Nana) of erstwhile state which will be his last birth as told earlier by the Vani Pandit and that too was to be confirmed from his Guru … who will perhaps meet him in Tihar Jail.
It was interesting to note that Anand was invited again by Vani Pandit, as and when he found time…Anand had to wait for that time… he visited V.P. at Badod one more time and known some very interesting aspect of his previous life and present happening in his career. Assured by Vani Pandit, he was happy to have known that this is going to be his last birth as human being since he had already met his Guru in Tihar Jail and will again meet him in proper opportune time.… His Guru will guide Anand for his future actions also and that meeting will be the turning point of his life…from that point he will see the real light of life….Anand believed in the words of V.P…but he was not remembering…whom he met in Tihar –Jail…accept the Jailor Mr Dave and some C.B.I officers who were unnecessarily trying to put him down by conducting false enquiries…and ultimately everything against him was proved wrong…but his sudden induction in the Ministry was a miracle…that is still a mystery for him which Anand was unable to solve. …and somewhere in that unseen there might be some hidden blessing of his Guru…when he wanted to ask aout his Guru …Mr Goverdhan Sharma,Vani Pandit told him…that will automatically come to your mind… presently due to some more Karma left in your life the memory is washed wrom your brain…don’t try to ask such physical questions…the answer will also come automatically to you …please wait and see…with these words, the mystery of his meeting with Guru still remained an unsolved story…Anand could not understand when and how and where he will meet his Guru…for that he thought to come again to V.P in Barod. ..V.P told him to be in touch since his life will take a great turn shortly.V.P also assured him that he will be in touch as and when needed through wireless ….Anand knew that when the Ex-Army Chief Mr. Joshi visited Barod, he was very much impressed by Mr. Goverdhan Sharma and wanted to keep regular contact with him. He insisted Mr. Goverdhan Sharma to put a wireless set at his residence....for his (Mr. Joshi) convenience because he wanted to talk to him …
Vanipandit was a real miracle not following the laws of nature and was a 'living- belief' certainly caused by some super natural power.


46/ANOTHER SORCERER

Anand and Bhairvi were married in sixties and that was the beginning of social changes in the traditional frame work of society, the change was slow. Bhairvi since that time, besides her jobs too was more of a house wife and liked to stay at home, was happy in the role of a house keeper and she also became a mother of his two children
She had little, almost no knowledge about Anand's past affairs with Sonal and what could also be described as fishy in context of Divine, her close old friend.She was more and more interested in day to day orthodox religious practices...It was only in that line she met with one mysterious old sorcerer lady very famous for her predictions . She also suggested corrective measures of evil spirits. She had a sort of inner feeling that some unknown evil had done its work on her husband Anand. But the sorcerer lady, foreseeing her danger, had instucted her to be little vigilant against one lady in particular whose name start with the capital letter 'S'.That lady had already entered in her house and living in the invisible form, although she was hundred percent harmless to his husband but will divide the love of her house and rule over her master whenever he remains out of his home.The lady also suggested her to go for help to Goddess Daridra (Kulakshmi).The elder sister of Lakshmi..only the perilous adventures of this ancient goddess can save her from the shadows of that invisible lady...and by the grace of the goddess Bhairvi could be free in three nights.The indication of that first night would be given to Bhairvi by the sorcerer.
Bhairvi started thinking in that direction since the moment the sorcerer inducted in her that psychological fear. She became worried about her family.
''Who could be that invisible woman? She asked this question to herself.This only question kept her engaged for whole of the day and she could not restrain herself to meet the lady again the same evening.Bhairvi reached her home. She lady was busy in her ''Black worship''. She was in her black gown.To her surprise the sorcerer was worshiping very ugly image of a goddess with inverted and black Swastik.Her forehead was marked by black mark.It was all time new image she had seen in her life of any goddess. Bhairvi could not witness this cult for a longer time and immediately came out of the room joining the open pooja platform in another small space.But her leaving the room was responded immediately by the call of the lady.
''Come inside Bhairvi, you have come in the most opportune time. This is 'Trisandhya' time .good for your cause.Take 'Bhabhoot'' from me and blessing of goddess.''
Bhaivi had no option but to go inside.''
''Combat your enemy, the invisible woman...look she is there...'' The lady ordered her .She was in trannce.
Bhairvi very silenty reached in the temple room. ...Perhaps towards antidote to evil...or towards some unknown world meaningless abstract or full of mystics beyond her reach...some supernatural feeling was there in the environment...some vague communication...or pervasive influence...she could not realise what all was happening to her at that moment...
The lady came close to her. She put her hand on her head which was covered by sari. Lady very politely asked her to put off the pallu and keep her head bare before the goddess.Then all of a sudden question session started.
''Do you get along well with your husband?
'' Not always well, but sometimes...
''Would you try to know who can be the invisible woman in your house ?
'' I am interested.''
''Are you jealous of he ?''
'' Perhaps''
''You are interested to get rid of her?''
''Certainly''
Then see what is before your eyes...And there was suddenly a black curtain before her eyes. She was feeling a slow sleep.
The entire scene changed.She was in an old Vishnu temple.The door of the temple was closed so she was sitting on the floor of the big entrance. Her face was before an image 0f Garud. All the side walls of principal statue were crowded by crows.She was in the escarpment of utter confusion. She was so much confounded that everything running in his mind was beyond understanding.
And then in another scene Bhairvi was requesting the king of crows to find out and investigate into the matter of her hubsand as he seemed to be going away from her life.and that was a great concern for he rand her family.The king of crows then answered-'' O dear lady, we crow can know everything about everybody and can see beyond the limits of men and even this Universe as we are sons and daughters of god of Dawn Garud. And as we know you have come here with a special mission we have flew all the cities of the world and discovered that the wife of Anand's fomer birth, the sea-bird ( Shaheen ) is all set to come to replace you in your home.It will be not long before she finds him.She has a history of disappearing, without leaving any trace, but that is all due to some curse on her.Anand too will never dream of any other woman than Shaheen once he meet her again any time.She is in some westward direction taken away from his love by some false spirit taken a mortal shape. He is some shady character. Although it is still in the scheme of our goddess.But sooner or later these two souls will meet again as they will not remain inseparable ultimately.''
''O.K. Over.'How you feel now?'There was another voice in her ear.
'' Better.'' Bhairvi answered.
''Good.'' Now you can go home. You are free from the shadow and known the reality. You are very lucky.'' The sorcerer lady assured her of her well being. She was happy. She left the place.
Was it a ghoulish game or cleaning of mirage? What was all that? Perhaps coming events cast their shadows before.


47/SHAHEEN’S NEW TROUBLES

After his marriage, Anand very soon left Ajmer and had come to Jaipur. Here again after a very long gap he got another chance to meet her old beloved Shaheen but by that time lot of changes had taken place in both’s life.But time was a factor... Asad married two more females. One was an innocent daughter of his own car driver changed to a call girl and other was some ex-wife and a divorcee of an Army Officer of Pakistan … From them, over the years, he had three more issues… One daughter and two sons... and then after... and there after the game of torture started in Shaheen’s life... In spite of the fact that she accepted both new wives of Asad happily, adjusting with them in best possible manner .Being elder in her position she also wanted to exert some pressure on the new comers and shared responsibility to keep harmony in family but her plan and feeling of keeping the family intact fell flat
That was not the end. Shaheen started facing everyday a new trouble in her life, unfolding before her… but as a brave lady she never surrendered. After few years of her happy ‘adjustments’ and not a nikah, she even faced a legal battle, against her in the Shariat Court.At that time her son Ahsas was only three years old but the case took years to reach the final settlement.
The case of Shaheen had reached the Federal Shariat Court under the offence of Zina filled by her ‘ex-husband’ but because she made a counter attack on her husband who was engased in the activity of kidnapping her son, she made an un-precedental up-roar in Pakistan and his husband was found guilty of that heinous crime and was sent to jail.But after some time he came out of jail by manipulating the case .Asad became popular and powerul and more important figure in the extra constitutional corridors of Pakistan after that case.
It was during the same time when Pakistan Cricket team visited India, and she was also one of the members in President Zia’s Council of Visiting team, and enjoyed in Jaipur one day Cricket match between India Pakistan played in S.M.S. Stadium opposite the famous Rambag Hotel, where she stayed as special guest of Pakistan. The stadium was fully packed in that one day international on February 1987, when Pakishtan President General Zia reached India to watch the second day’s play as part of his ‘Cricket for Peace’ initiative. The game sputtered to a draw. The third day’s play was abandoned following heavy rain and a controversy over the alleged deposition of sawdust on the wicket which Pakishan objected.
Looking into the new scenario and so-called liberal policies of Pak- government under the military regime of President Zia-Ul-Hak, Shaheen started, taking active part, as an interpreter of Islam and the Islamization of the inherited law. She took active interests in the meeting of council of Islamic Ideology and the new Shariat Court. She was also appointed as one member woman representative among 20 other members appointed by the President to hold office for three years.
She came close to President Zia and as an advisor suggested some fiscal reforms for the lavvy of Zakat …. Her coming close to President, fell-heavy…. For those who were strong in the opposite lobby of the president and …. Anyhow Asad,one among many , managed to file a false case against her, based on the distorted facts and rumors, published in some cheap Pakistan tabloid about her visit to India… and her relations with Anand a senior RAW (Research and Analysis Wing) officer of India…
Actually Shaheen’s stay in Jaipur for three days created more wicked ideas in Asad’s mind to take revenge from her.He still thought to act like her’ ex-husband ‘… filed another case against her in the Shariat Court. The fresh report at the Police Station alleged that the woman in question Shaheen Bibi had been committing Zina with a senior Indian Police officer Mr. Anand which was a thereat to Pakistan’s security. It was also stated in the report that Asad fell in love with Shaheen Bibi some years ago when he had visited India. At that time she was already pregnant of Anand and that fact was hidden from him.She borne her first illegitimate son of a Hindu –Brahmin, the result of her old illegitimate relations with her college days lover Anand… Ashad asserted in the court that he had not divorced Shaheen Bibi.
But the Additional Session Judge acquitted her under the offence of Zina ordinance, on the plea that Asad Ulha Mirza was indeed never married to Shaheen Bibi earlier, As she came to Pakistan after prolonging her pregnancy and delivered her child in Rescue Home as an orphan boy ….. and after that she was the unofficial wife of Asad, they lived together as friends, for considerabally good time, hence, the woman in question was not guilty of adultery or fornication and hence the charges against her of being the mother of an illegitimate child also dropped as Asad never complained of it earlier, rather it was concealed by him as he accepted Shaheen in her pregnancy and their ‘marriage’ too was a sort of adjustment between them. .
Shaheen was not given a punishment of flogging in public with a hundred stripes and stoning to death since she was not found guilty of adultery or fornication.In case of her guilt, she would have been punished in public by flogging.
At that time, Shaheen met Anand in Rambagh hotel’s special suit and gave him one fat envelop and requested him to read that in total privacy .She also took a promise from Anand that he should read the letter only after she leaves for Pakistan…He did not break his promise.
They had brief talks but every thing was simply centered around Ahsas, who was that time working as a young trainee journalist in some well-known daily of Pakistan but later joined Police Training Institute as an officer..The hospitality extended to Shaheen in Pink City Jaipur was memorable. It was definitely a very exciting day of her life, when she even met Bhairvi, Anand’s wife and his Son and daughter Pranav and Deeksha. All of them enjoyed one day cricket
After Shaheen left for her country, he opened envelop in his office and after reading a part he was badly disturbed .Anand was shocked as that changed the entire picture of Shaheen’s married life…and that also meant that whatever she told her earlier was just a wrong show of of protecting the image of her husband Asad. The realities behind their relations was being hidden from Anand till that time.Even before his wife Bhairvi Shaheen concocted and highlighted some fantastic good and happy stories of her married life so far…but all that was a drama.
Words by words it read like a melodrama.The innocent face of Shaheen was before him when he read the letter…


48/LETTER FROM THE KNOWN LADY


‘………………’
No name of the addresse!
.It just ran….in Shaheen’s hand writing in first person.
‘I left my Nana’s home of Jaipur, on one bad Friday.I was dreaming of a new life then.For reaching Pakistan, we reached Bombay by morning flight.
Asad told me after reaching there that some formalites are stiil pending regarding passport.For that agent required our presence in Bombay. If everything goes well we will fly to Lahore directly.At Bandra Airport lounge we met an Arab, introduced to me as my ‘temporary husband’ and he had my ticket and passport with him. There was only half an hour left for next flight to Lahore and still some paper formalities were to be cleared with an advocate sitting in the lounge next to us,I had no option but to believe Asad whatever he told me and signed on each and every document which made me a paper wife of an Arab.
He was going to travel with us by PIA.He spoke to me in very sweet Persian accent that he would be only a travel companion, not life partner.He laughed after that and blessed my happy prospective married life with Asad.Asad traveled in the same Airline seated on the window side.In the three seat arrangement of left side I was occupying the middle seat. On the gallery side at my right side my ‘temporary one hour hubby’ Sadaat, in middle the bride that was me and at the window side seeing sky, was my prospective husband Asad.It was all for safe traveling and reaching the destination, my future home in Pakistan.The marriage documents signed by me were dated two months back and that too was to show that everything had been done with proper planning.Even the responsibility of my pregnancy was also taken by the Arab who was a very close friend of Asad…I was told all that after reaching.I pondered in that totally unexpected situation little skeptically but I knew everything was out of hands, Insaallah… submitted myself to the almighty.
During the journey the Arab’s changed his behaviour suddenly and started trespassing my modesty to best of his advantage. I told about that to Asad, but found him linient, dull and detached and not taking the matter seriously.Even the Arab made some nasty comments about me, he talked filthy.But that too was perhaps meaningless to Asad…‘Asad bhai, ‘my’ Shaheen bibi is beautiful beyond boundaries’.-He uttered dirty words.
‘Shaheen is your time-bound bibi…your limits ends after the journey- Asad answered him
smilingly
‘O.k Asad bhai, but she is very hard nut to crack- He foolishly talked as if I was an easy
commodity.
‘Saadat boss I am highly obliged for your help…hope our friedship will last long’.
Asad was certainly helped by his friend I knew what he meant. Other wise her jorney would not be possible’ I thought innocently.
‘I will come and take my price any time…with interest.
‘Taking Interest is a crime in shariat Boss’.
‘It will not be in cash but in kind.You should be prepared for that.’Saadat was talking in a way as if some hidden deal was made between him and Asad. I was scared. I also felt depressed. Perhaps Asad understood my feeling.
He told with smile to Saadat-‘Boss you can cut good jokes…but don’t you know, your jokes make Shaheen bibi deeply disturbed.’
In the plane Saadat’s obseen pretentions and acts, anchroaching my body continieously offended me.I had to tolerate all that since I was his one hour bibi. It was a verbal contract between ‘two very good friends’.
The behavior and words of Saadat dared to cast a slur on my character. I felt bad about it and thought to react in the appropriate time.
When our aeroplane touched the land of Pakistan I was in slumber. I did not know when Saadat left us.
‘We reached Lahore.Sadaat had gone to enquiry for finding the time for his next flight for Abudhabi. Just after crossing the runway and lawns we entered in the lounge, Asad expressed his extreme religious attitude. He took out the bedsheet from his bag and after spreading it offered namaj at the side of the wall close to enquiry office.I felt well. Good that he was a god fearing man .Again we waited another two hours as somebody from his close relation was supposed to come here to receive us from some old township, Rahmatganj.
‘Why don’t we move out…it’s already late- I asked Asad.
Saadat was still starring her.
‘Saadat will be with us till we make exit but before that a senior Police Officer will clear our papers’. While telling this,Asad was also not feeling easy.
Then came another man. He was from custom.
‘Your papers are clear gentleman? The long and stout custom man enquired.
‘We are waiting for Usman Saheb’.
‘Oh no problem but if you are in a hurry I can make some routine cheking and releive you in fifteen thousand only ….only. As you are known to our senior boss.After a pause he told Asad-‘ Usman Sahib is on leave today.’
‘On leave? Asad seemed depressed.
‘Yaas… sir, He answered politely.But his answering was timid.That smelt of his cunningness.
His way of talking, made me little worried.
‘Pay the dog his due and go home’- Arab cried. ’My flight is due in next twenty minute.
The trouble was not over and in another twenty minute when Saadat left, three more custom persons joined the old one.Then there was a long round of enquiries.
We were brought to the Downstairs to big Custom Intellegence cell.Their way of functioning and questioning was more of amusing nature and not serious as their interest was in delaying only.One senior officer was moving in his night gown also and he was reading some cheap novel….He was sitting across the table and would speak every after ten minutes …interesting… very interesting…was it about us or a reaction of his novel reading was not clear .Now Asad alone was facing the problem, although being a journalist and writer he was confident of his talking with seniors. Still things were not that easy.
It was already night folloewd by dusk and staff also changed…and their enquiry did not come to an end and the whole matter became as portentous as prison….they meant, they might detain us…but what for …they said our pasport was fake .
‘Fake….what you say…it is issued by the valid authority’.Asad argued
‘But then where was Mr Saadaat? And how Mrs Saadaat was here? Simple, absurd and illogical question…Asad answered each question but I became worried about my future. Fortunately in the late night custom team waved us through the gate.One small size….three feet tiny man Bauna… opened the gate with his left hand while his other hand was engaged in smoking.He asked us for tip.I gave him fifty rupees. There was another checking on the last gate, if we had any firearm.
Outside the gate, it seemed to be a long way down the home town.The flat shanty houses disappointed me further. I was badly tired.

Asad’s father was known as Haji Sahab.He had recently returned after holy prilgrimage from Mecca…He was thoroughly a gentleman but was not ready to accept me as wife of his only son and advised his son to take me to one so called other home.
In reality it was more of a social service Centre for Mentally Retarded persons and Home for Psychiatric patients and a Dawakhana.Also affiliated with some Rescue cum- fondling home for destitute children and ladies cought in crime and immoral traffic. Run with the help of one old practitioner of Unani and Tibbiya Hakim Saheb and owned by his Anglo-Indian wife who was a nurse in Lahore before division of India and became his Bibi. She changed her name as Roshan Ara. The bus stop near the centre became famous as Roshan Bibi ka Pagalkhana later only Pagal Khana.
When I was introduced to that lady( Perhaps the feed back was already given to her ) who was the Superendent of that institution,she gave me a mother like smile but told me,'' I know ‘beta’ you are running in trouble…Allah will make everything fine. Don’t worry.I am now your mother.'’Her softness and concern touched my heart.Tears rolled from my eyes and she took me close to her heart.It was a warm feeling,first time in another country.
I remembered I left my parents in Bikampur…what might be happening to my grand father who loved me more than anything in the world.I wept for whole day and whole night…and then came Asad ,with all his assurances, being helpless for sometime he cut a sorry figure for this decision.
The lady was very hard working social worker and gave love to all the inmates. She had no issue of her own and since she descended from a converted Anglo-Indian family who took to Islam after the division of India, she felt special affection for me. I forgot everything what happened to me in last few days .Asad continued coming to me and both of us maintained physical and emotional intimacy…It was decided between us that he would marry me after I become mother .My being pregnant from ‘A’ still remained an untold story to anyone except Asad. He made an agreement and entered into settlement with me to marry me and decided to pay ten thousand rupees in case of divorce .But nothing of that sort was settled legally. It was all verbal.
I believed in him as he was introduced to me as a Writer and Journalist of reputation but very soon I realized, he had all the problems but none of the attributes of a writer. He ultimately proved to be a fundamentalist and an impulsive fanatic.
Then and there, I faced many twists in my life. Ahasas was being looked after by Anglo-Indian lady…we all called her ‘Amma’.Like her hundred’s of other sons and daughters, Ahasas was also looked after as her own son. I did'nt understand, why he became a pupil of her eye. Ahasas remained in the Institution till he became young.
I shifted to Asad’s house after the demise of his father. But in all these years Asad was changing fast. Even the near and dear relatives of Asad started drumming into his ears that my living with Asad was not acceptable to them…Asad started treating me as a kept and never gave me the status of wife. After the death of his father he adopted his easy profession of pursuing and preaching prostitutes in their Kothas for leaving their sinful profession and take path towards virtuous life. Perhaps for his ‘bright’ future his late father had left for him the old hand written copy of Koran which was in use in their family for last six generations. No doubt his earning was good. In such conditions, realising my position I started making good political contacts outside and I made my status stronger in the society and political circle…The changed circumstances brought me close to Pakistan President and I came with him in this visit to India. But that all , was not tolerated by him.
Now I am fighting cases in shariat courts of Zinna and Asad has declared an open war against me.
I now wish to come to India and live here if god blesses me or there might be a curse on me and if I loose the case I might be punished for that charge in Pakistan ….
Nothing more…Hope you will forgive and forget me if I am no more in this world…But only request you, You will take your son Ahasas in your arms for at least for one moment…I have protected him from all evil eyes…..Khuda Hafij.


… …. ….. Another letter was written on the letter head of Rambagh Palace Hotel without any date. Even in that letter she did not put her signatures .It read like that-
‘Respected Anand Saheb,
Aadab, I have no right of any sort now to write such letter to you as we are travellers of two different boats. We are two families now. God bless you, your wife and children a very happy and prosperous life…
Since the day I met you again, I still had the feeling in my heart that I should boldly expose before you my false face…I was again and again in the state of ‘to be or not to be’ but then my mind and heart both agreed to tell you certain truths about my life. I don’t know how long I will live now but ‘your and my AHSAS is still before my eyes. He might some day meet you in my and your life time, as he is the only living entity and inspiration which keeps ‘my old Anand’ in my heart. You might have forgotten your Shaheen, but I have not.
My life in Pakistan is not well, still I am fighting. Shaheen has inborn qualities of struggling against the odds .I am fighting a case in different courts and any day I might say Khuda Hafij to everyone whom I loved…. I will come to India again if I WIN…..
( …And like that Shaheen wrote another letter…rather more of a fact finding story on another sheet of paper…not on hotel letter-head this time. It was more of a diary… but for that she used another small envelop. Envelop in the envelop)
‘……………..’


49/ MORE GHOSTS IN THE ENVELOP

Before opening envelop, Anand thought again, was there any ghost hidden in this envelop? Might be one old letter written to him long long ago but not posted. Or letter from a son in the name of his father or some eye opening document or another press cutting of Ahsas’s achievements, may be another story of her battle with her so called husband that begins again. And the naked realities of life, The ‘Dropadi the helpless woman, demanding protection from some Dushasan…Abla calling lord Krishna…and the unending cloth saves her ‘womanhood’.
That’s the untold story of life being told to him. The ‘Jinn’ from the bottle will come in the fresh air, but its going to relieve whom…or putting in someone in trouble ?Perhaps the mystery of another envelop was going to be a mercury of facts. To be revealed to Anand .
This time, bunch of pages no full sentence or description but notes, ambiguously written, sometime in clear hand writing. But overall conveying meaning with difficulty. To him it was more a poetry than prose, something different.
What she wrote after that was in these words, her statements and words often repeated but the bare truthful tragedy of her life was surfaced. —‘I am in the battle…I was in the battle…I am worried…Ahsas has no father at least before his eyes…I will not let him drop…He will swim across the sea…no anchor still. he is fighting against gravity…he is conceived out of wedlock…Asad proved a big fraud. no name no house no shelter but played ,played and played all bad games…I am fortunate. I am not a prostitute…still a fire…I am tempered steel…no ordinary woman…they wanted ‘Nikah’ after delivery…they wanted to kill my Ahsas.BY Grace of god…He is moving on earth with his two firm legs. He will prove good racer…They planned to kill him.Asad too was party. He was being paid for a deal, counting bunch of notes. Was he a broker? The Anglo-Indian lady whom we called ‘Amma’ was involved in the heinous and criminal activity. I OVERHEARD them.Ahsas with twenty other adolescent girls and boys were being sent to Arab countries. The ship was ready. PAPERS and Documents were being signed. Ahsas, your and my Ahsas was going to be a big entertainment for cruel camel race. The girls as house workers or sex workers or slaves whatever the ‘term’ best suited to use and to be made ‘legal’.I RAN AWAY from home with Ahhsas.Exposed the matter to a top Police Officer.He gave me shelter. I was shaking. The raid made everything clear. Asad faced long trials.He was sent to Jail.
I exposed the mafia.I never dreamed it.I fought the entire MAFIA.I was their target.They were my taget.We both were dager’s drawn enemies.I made my position strong and became arch-critic of fundamentalists.Asad was the top new leader seducing Pakistani youths for a new Jihad.It was nothing but new face of Satanism imported from America. One night before I approached the Commissioner Police I was locked in a Police custody……three more women were also locked in the nearby room …they were arrested in the charge of treffiking… …it was almost late night…I was brought from Roshanbibi KA Pagalkhana. Some one knocked at the door….The lady with Ingrid jewelary and long kurta -salwar…some reputed social worker and human right worker…She talked to me about wrong charges framed against me and assured me all help.A very sr police officer came in the morning…he hoped we had good sleep…he had bundle of Asad’s papers and also wanted me to identify a photo …IT WAS SAADAT! In police language INTERNATIONAL HARD CRIMINAL…They took me in confidence and told me about their activities.To my surprise Asad and Saadat were handcuffed.Sitting on the back seat. They were planning to kidnap Ahsas…our Ahsas.The ship was ready for Abudhabi…and by that ship Ahsas was to be transported as a prospective small rider child slave and a camel jockey. He was only five years old at that time.Saadat waited for this day .My number was next.this was in their plan.Large sum of money was thrown for this sport. I was told by the senior Police officer that after kidnapping they are taken to foreign country without any legal status, even no one to protect them. They are tied with ropes and forced to live under hardship of extreme heat and dust for weeks together without any rest. They live in fenced training camps with their camels seven days a week in heat, when complain, beaten and kept without food to keep them low weight and without flesh .I was shown the photographs of the pathetic conditions of children who suffer and when kidnapping plan of Ahsas was exposed by that activist lady before Police,Asad and Saadat were nabbed with the gang. She put tremendous efferts and persuation. Her name was Shabana,she was a wife of a University Professor. I thanked god with tears rolling on my face.
.Asad was the local Pakistan agent of local gangs for this heinous act and he was involved for child kidnapping and women trafficking. The lady Pakistani activist, who was also a journalist. She was a campaigner against the cruel practice of camel- sports.
I was determind to give a tough fight to these ELEMEMNTS.
I was happy to see my so called husband Asad and my one hour husband handcuffed .Asad was ridiculously sitting as a poodle in the back-seat of his boss my ‘one hour husband’.
I PROVED MYSELF VICTORIOUS BY GRACE OF THE ALMIGHTY.
(Your SHA…)


.
.50/THROBBING AND PUZZLING SHOTS
Some memories of old encounters were still fresh in the mind of Anand, the way he tackled the terrorists, in western Rajasthan’s famous Mallinath animal fair near Utterlai, Barmer. From Circuit House Anand moved his Anti-Terrorist squad in high spirits. It was in the very early hours of morning. It rained heavily last night and was still drizzling. Although he had no hard intelligence, information he moved with excitement with whatever little information he got from his higher officers and after making a sketchy plan and briefing his colleagues he drove directly in an old jeep.Last night few villagers who were the informers also reported to have seen some Pakistani infiltrators in the fair ground and their motif was not known. In the history of the Mallinath fair no such presence and activities of Pak agents was informed earlier and after a lot of permutations and combinations Anand could plan his strategy to safe guard the security of the people place and property. The area was very sensitive since the Under Ground Air Base of Air Force of strategically importance was very close to Mallinath Animal Fair.
Anand reached there with his team before the sunrise and sent his messengers in all four directions to gather more, intelligence information of the infiltrators. He wanted this information at the earliest so as to plan the next move in the right direction. He also discussed every possible eventuality.
And before something unpredicted happened, Anand enjoyed a cup of tea from a local stall and talked in normal manner like a city-dweller with the tea vendor.
The climate was good in the morning but at noon it worsened as his commandos moved ahead. Heavy rain had reduced the possibility of direct action although the target was not far away. It was difficult to walk. Most of them slipped and fell in different direction. There was a clear possibility of encounter with insurgents at any moment. Anand with one of his scout fell to a depth of about four meters while probing forward. Luckily it was a rudderless situation for him. He reached his respective position by targeted time. The enemy was very close but there was no hint of them yet…. Just before “first shoot and sight action” his team had to follow him from the rear position. And from three other directions before the possible escape of infiltrators.
It was a little isolated area with smoke blowing from the scattered fire places of fair visitors. Hundreds and thousands of camels, horses, cows, and buffaloes were visible in the vast stretch surrounding fair ground of Mallinath in Tilwara area of Barmer district the nearest border town from Pakistan.
It was actually a river belt. The strange thing and the miracle was this, the river would go underground only for three days but the water was not deep more than two- three feet and that could be collected from any place under the silvery sand of the river by digging by hand.
As per the intelligence report two Pak-Military officers not less than the rank of Majors had already infiltrated the fair area and they were hiding themselves in the disguise of animal traders. “They also made a deal of two camels from some Utterlai camel trader… The money was to be transferred as the outcome of the final transaction for which they were waiting for the owner of the camels….”
But on the reverse side the story was just different. There was no camel deal or the trade business as such… but the “two informers of Uttarlai areas were coming with some secret documents of Utterlai Air Force Office and these documents were going to be handed over to Pak officers… Anand came to intercept the so-called camel deal and wanted to arrest the intruders living or in pieces.
His team commandos were prepared expecting them any minute. Every step they took was with great care. Anand was under the watchful eyes of Dasrath who, as a stalwart of many such actions, was absolutely cool and composed. Suddenly two suspicious faces appeared just from opposite side, when heavy rain fall took a halt…. Three more persons with camels approaching near them were definitely the informers. When they came close near a Khejari tree, Anand took position and shot in the right leg of one of the insurgent which was a sure shot, has he fell down on the ground ? The firing from both the sides continued and suddenly one of the other officer logged a hand grenade towards them which could not reach the target and within no time Anand and his aide used heavy smoke bombs, circled them as per plan and arrested both the senior Pak officers. These officers had the dubious links with one senior officer of state police who had close associations with the Mafia don of Bombay blast.…Anand seized an important C.D on that basis a large cache of arms including A.K -47 riffles, A.K -56 guns ,hand grenades were also unearthed from the border area of Barmer. A truck load of these arms were on the way to another terrorist outfit stronghold in a nearby Dhani…two residents of that area were on regular pay role the Pak officers.


51/HE KILLS HIS OWN SON
The most unfortunate part of Anand’s last encounter day. It was prosperous part of Mumbai, a suburban small colony of Andheri (west) where about 200 families lived. The colony was well connected to market which always remained crowded .Anand got the information that two Pakistani intelligence officers were hiding in one of the flats of this locality and they kidnapped a young unmarried girl (News papers reported wrong that she was Anand’s daughter Deeksha) who was living in the capital with his father. The kidnapers were planning to move from here to some other place and already threatened her of dire consequences if she opened mouth In this case. One of her boy friends was also entangled. Since this apartment and its seventh floor suddenly became a suspicious activity centre, the information leaked through some very reliable source that made Anand to take immediate action…It was a sensitive move and everything was to be handled with delicacy. The day was 14 August, the independence day of Pakistan. India got freedom just after this day.
He got a short notice of high alert for reaching the spot. With one of his aides he reached by motorcycles within 20 minutes. They were both briefed by the informer on the spot that the Pakistani officers might use any weapon from the hide-outs, if challenged and because of this Anand had to move very tactically. He also spotted one of the officers in the window and to his surprise and astonishment the face seemed very familiar… once he could not believe his own eyes. He was at loss and for that moment his mind was blank… ‘Was he really Ahasas..?’ Then who is the other chap hiding in the room… he thought of sending his aid first to knock flat no. 703 in the seventh floor of the multi-storey building.
And this was Anand’s heart throbbing and puzzling moment of life… his other self was before him… his own being, his own image, his own blood was before his eyes as an enemy of his nation and a big threat to the national security and people. He had to decide within the smallest fraction of the second, what was to be done, because the picture was very clear and there was no chance of any confusion in it. Anand knew this that Ahasas was senior intelligence officer of Pakistan Army and was regularly visiting Indian territories in different capacities… his connections were also known to him but this time the visit of these two Pak officers was with dangerous motives… as he knew these two officers had to join hands with a terrorist group coming to share some information with them and creating terror at the time of flag ceremony of independence day 15th August next day at Red-Fort, New Delhi.
As per his secret information one terrorist group was already nabbed in one five star hotel of the capital and through that source only the information about these two connecting Pak officers was sent but before arriving here he did not know that one of the officers would be Ahasas… !
Anand’s aide, after necessary briefing and exchanging formal secret codes, had been sent to knock flat no. 703 and the following action and strategy was to be decided by him now… he was prepared for anything… but would try his level best to arrest ‘them’ first. Unfortunately the scenario changed very fast and the game was going out of the normal possibilities. His aide sent him the messages that the other officer had already left the place and the same whitish skin curly haired long officer was about to come out of the hide out of number 703 within few minutes and he would accompany him in the lift to see that he doesn't’ disappear.
His aide was in simple civil dress and looking like a poet wearing simple khadi, kurta & payjama but in his jhola (bag) he was hiding a pistol to meet any consequences. As per the strategy the aide would turn to left side of the Pak agent and keep a short distance from his back side and after the agent takes to some. 10 to 15 steps he would warn him to stop and tell him - ‘hands-up’.Anand had to come forward from the right end of coconut-trees and handle the situation. Everything went right in the initial few seconds but it ended in a point blank encounter killing Ahasas. The instinct killer was nobody else but his own father.... Anand… this fateful day was perhaps destined and the next unknown journey had to take its own time.His own son’s dead body was in lap. Two drops of warm tears wetted his heart. He never thought this way he had to fulfil the wish of his beloved Shaheen-‘taking Ahsah in his arm for a moment.’

52/TOWARDS ILL FAME –HOUSES
This was another occasion when Anand was returning to Jaipur from Delhi by Jet-Airlines with Divine .By that time Divine was developing a Health and Child care project of sex-workers at -Sindry.She had completed the building of her centre and after survey, ten children including a twin of adolescent girls were given admission in the residential school of ill fame- houses.
Since the local and national press supported the project, one interesting story of the beautiful twins also published in the national dailies and after reading this story, Anand became curious about the project, he immediately contacted Divine telephonically and congratulated her for her dedicated work and wanted to visit the project area..Divine also felt happy to talk to Anand and told him that since she was leaving for Jaipur by the morning flight if he intended, she would reserve a seat for him for the same flight Anand thought for a moment and then immediately gave her consent .They both reached Jaipur by the morning Jet-Air lines flight and reached-Sindry by road directly .The journey took another hour from Sanganer Airport.
But to their surprise when both drove towards the Residential hostel building one ex-M.L.A who was known to Anand stopped them on the road side, he requested Anand to come out of car for some personal urgent matter .Anand knew him since his old days of Editorship of the news paper .The M.L.A had bad reputation and lost three elections after winning the first one…He was also a broker of sex- workers…….
What Anand heard from that ex-M.LA was a very sensitive matter and Anand immediately called Divine for further briefing about the happening in her hostel in the last night…Both of them took M.L.A with them and reached Dudu Police Station for knowing about the details of the incident before filing the F.I.R.
The S.H.O of Dudu Police station after knowing that Anand is from a very higher position in the A.T.S, he briefed him that the ex- M.L.A who accompanied him was himself involved in the abduction of the twins from the hostel and he advised Anand to keep a safe distance from that notorious- history- seater.
The situation was grave, serious and alarming since both the adolescent twin girls, who were living in the hostel, were kidnapped from the hostel and taken to some un-known place by brokers and relatives of the girls, for formal ‘Nath-tudwaee’ ceremony last night .He was told that the girls had their consent for this and they left the hostel with their maternal uncle who came along with the broker and after bribing the watchman and beating the duty supervisor the agents took away the twin from the hostel.
The S.H.O of Dudu came to Anand and told him that the incident of ‘Nath-tudwai’was celebrated yesterday night in the presence of one American lady Journalist Kath , who was working as a researcher of AIDS and in particular came to Dudu for this twins’ coverage and was interested in the modus-operand of Child-Prostitution in India…As to his information a film was also taken by her of the real ceremony of ‘Nath-tudwai’and how the training was being imparted to these child-sex workers with the help of the senior members of their own families.
The matter was really serious and Anand advised Divine to take any step very cautiously and with patience as there seemed to be an involvement of criminals of strong political background .Since Anand had to attend to some urgent work, he left Divine at some renowned advocate’s home in Jaipur and left for Delhi .
In an hour’s air journey Anand was busy thinking about the life of the established institution of sex-workers and the age old roots of this flash-trade which almost became the part of the modern society.
The story of the twins of Sindry was also very exciting. As he was briefed the facts, The ex-M.L.A himself was the chief of the celebration of ‘Nath-tudwai’(breaking of chastity-bone). In that fateful last night actually it was he who acted as the major agent of this event .He even invited a foreign lady-Journalist to witness the old- age tradition of this particular community of sex- workers and for this event management he got a very handsome amount also. The local Police net-work of some village near Chaksu was also helping this game as money was thrown by both the hands to these corrupt officers through that Ex-M.L.A.

The sex-racket of-Sindry took a house in rent of some established broker and conducted the whole celebration in the previous night. After dinner they all pilled in the rented house where the twin girls were brought for their first experience of sex with a so- called renowned Ex M.L.A. Except the lady Journalist who was their special guest that night every one had the privilege of enjoying neat wine with Tandoorichicken. The journalist was busy in her camera and lenses adjustments and she was given a separate hiding place from where her camera could focus all possible angles of the prospective sexual acts .and a training tradition of these sex- workers. In the gathering there were ladies, close relatives of the twins who had their special contribution and share in the game.

After the green- signal, the twin arrived by a big foreign car and after parking elderly ladies of the house took them in their arms and gave them kisses on their fore-heads. The girl in turn bowed and took their blessings by touching their feet. There was some box in the hand of one elderly lady.That box fell in the ground and lot of bundles of notes (money) just came out which the ladies immediately collected with the help of an old man who was the father of the twin.

Both the adolescent girls , sisters were going to enter a new world of their ‘heaven’ and the provider of the sweet nectar to them was none else but the old M.L.A of their area who had the traditional birth right to break the chastity-bone of the girls since their grand-fathers had been doing that.
He was also a regular visitor of their homes in spite of being married and having two wives that old feudal lord, Thakur had lost his land, and other properties in the routine game of wine and women in legal battles attached to his properties which passed to power brokers and since after him he had no issue, he was living a life of vagabonds.

From the time of birth he had the eye on the new born kids who were very beautiful and told their mother that he would take his last breath after playing his last innings with her twins, since he had that right to ‘Nata-tudwai’ of this prostitute’s home. On his this remark, Lichhimee, the mother of the twin, laughed and told him-‘Thakar Saab ,by that time your sons will take over your role and you will be old enough ,even not look this side ,as a prostitute I know ,you people only love us till we remain young and sporting in giving you whatever you demand ,your house wives can not fulfil your demands of fantasies in love making ,then she also told him that his grand father was also a man of adventure and paid any amount for fresh flash…when she was a kid of eight years, he took her to Bombay by car ,stayed in some grand hotel and fucked her day and night till she became ill.’
With these memories in mind, Thakur kept his promise which he gave to the mother of twin girls…For that day he waited for another ten years after their birth.

The twin ‘Pinkies’, almost in the bridal dress, followed the directions and when they entered the house, for the purpose they were brought ,they met another senior old lady in the doorway…She by swinging her hands and arms in the air, blessed them and gave each, rupees hundred note in their small palms took them with her to the lavish room which was decorated in Bollywood filmy actress and actors posters, for their first nights with Thakur Saab .Then from the inner curtain room one young lady in her twenties appeared in the main room .She was wearing Ghagara and Loogari and Dupatta with choondri motifs, totally local dress. She had attractive big speaking eyes decorated by fine lines of black Kaajal. On her forehead golden Borala of bigger size was hanging. She was the mistress of the rented house and had connections in the big cities. .was in demand as a sex-worker .She made a welcome to twins in the room. .The innocent faces of twin girls over-played in make-up but their virginity made their slim bodies graceful and sexy .As their mother did not want them to get their first experience of sex in the back of any truck on the national highway, and they had the tradition of ‘Nath- tudwai,’ she made a special arrangement for her daughters .Thakur Saab very-well understood, how to deal with the girls tenderly so that their first sexual-sport becomes a pleasure for them…As a matter of fact Thakur Saab was also waiting eagerly for the moment. Since long he had not enjoyed such a fresh-flash, the golden opportunity of handling twin at one time which was an adventure in itself…It was a rumour that he had handed over the keys of his old fortress to the mother of the twin and signed on the papers of will-full transfer of his that property in the name of the twins.


53/TWINS
The girls were all set and the eye of the camera opened in the hidden attic which was only at six-feet height attached as a part of the sex-court .The woman in thirty brought the girls, the twin with respectful bow told the Thakur-‘Mujro,Hajoor’…and within second the woman disappeared from the room .
The twin girls sat down on the couch on either side of Thakur who first of all gave them (beetle-leaf)..Paan for chewing and then held the hand of one of the girl, telling her –‘You are very gorgeous’and held her in his arm caressing her shoulders ,necks, and open part of mid-rib.He held another innocent beauty in his fold and kissed her square on her face.. Then an old lady entered in the room and moved them to master bed-room where other nude ladies were waiting for imparting training…For photographic details another aperture was arranged and the Journalist lady was ready to take the photographs for her research- work. Once reaching there, all three of them got naked. .the naked twin girls looked identical.. They had small and excitingly young formed breasts. The bed was big and abnormal in size…Their aunt first took the initiative and embraced and kissed her love mate, Thakur and then dragged both the girls for the sexual sport. The experienced Thakur before going further, put his fingers in the cunts of both the girls and searched around for their G-spot.He felt happy to discover that his finger did not slid easily.. He did it two to three times. Against this odd situation, the mother of the girls angrily told him –‘How you are testing my children like this, they are hundred and one percent virgin.. I knew the value of taking the keys of your fortress .It’s a perfect deal. If I am not the real blood of a whore, you can change my name Thakur.’ With this hot filmy dialog, mother of the twins came out of the inner-room.Thakur did his job silently and came back to his town…and one dark night the hero of the Sindry, Thakur committed suicide…
After this incident the story took another turn, within a very short time there was uproar in the news papers and questions raised in the Legislative Assembly about the happenings in the-Sindry and Divine raised the issue herself vehemently. .Lot of other social activists supported her cause. Anand also made efforts to see that the proper investigation in the matter take place, the case was referred to C.B.I after pressure from public and the entire episode of twins got publicity of international level. .Lot of media coverage highlighted the problems of sex- workers in the new light.
Divine became a ceaseless campaigner for down to earth women specially, she wanted to be a real symbol of advocacy for uplifting the life of sex- workers.
In due course of time ‘Twin girls were rescued and brought back to the hostel that was a great victory of Divine.
She established door to door contacts with the community and convinced them for leaving this age old dirty profession. Her health care and schooling programs for the children of prostitutes got deeper and deeper .Divine also travelled all over country to gather support for her campaign .She spoke in strong outright voice. The community women swelled around the area of Sindry .The place became the living symbol of change. This message’ of change spread loud and fast across the country like wild fire.
But…when Divine became a hurdle in the way to those who still wanted to run the show in their interest, those brokers and agents and promoters of ‘child prostitution’ who opposed the permanent settlement of Divine’s organization, who did not want the home for the children’s of sex-workers, joined hands again and in opportune time attacked her in the mid-night time..She was abused and the opponents forced her to abandon her project immediately…She was alone that night but she opposed the anti-social elements sternly. The reaction came in the form of physical beating and molestation
Divine slumped to the ground while her opponents continued to beat her from boots, iron bars and hockey sticks. Blood came out of her head …in due course of time she was rushed to the nearby Kishangirh Hospital…Hysteria and panic set in. She remained in comma for seven days but then she came out safe from the clutches of death.
But after that event she became a national leader and became renowned in the field of ‘Women empowerment’


54/FALSE NOTIONS
Anand's involvements and adventures made it crystal clear that nothing is fair in love... except the love itself…and he also knew, the coming of Shaheen, Sonal and Divine in his life was the bolt from the blue breaking all kind of barriers of morality in him...the evil of serpent was moving in his veins. in all the directions...from his body it came out and was visible on the five hundred years old fort of his city...it was seen one day on the bench of public –park...in cinema screen, the worst part that it appeared at his worshiping place also...the beauty of this snake was it’s harmless nature... at least it kept him breathing...no poison…but…and this but was his problem of the exciting post facto affects of his love- games.
Anand was too much after his material self, although his indirect association with his Guru was bringing him on the track.But he had to pass through some ‘Karmic phase of life’ Liberation was not a one day’s job.Putting up new clothes on body, giving up old ones and his soul similarly accepting new material body had to take its time…only the mystic touch of his Guru could arrange time and place for such arrangement…Presently he was facing problems of different types.
His thirty years old relation with wife Bhairvi, unnecessary turned soar and she became a roiling mass of hatred and despair and felt hostile to-ward him. Within last few days her behaviour changed. His mere meeting with Shaeen had sown the seeds of suspicion inher mind and it seemed she was not prepared to change .Anand also knew that her better hear was too much in touch with the sorcerer which he never liked but being liberal he allowewd her to do whatever she liked to do in her pastime.
She too was becoming hysterical… aggressive and unworthy of her past life. She was tormented by mere one or two meeting of Anand with Shaheen that came to her knowledge and developed suspicion that her husband was still having affair with his old friend and trying hard that she comes back to India after the death of – Ahsas who was Anand’s own illegitimate child.
Anand was unable to face Bhairvi. To recall affairs of Shaheen was a painful experience for both of them…And only god knows from where she heard that they exchanged kiss while departing that late evening when her husband and Shaheen met again in the ministry.Someone perhaps mis-led her or it was absolutely her own fantasy or expression of abnormal behaviour.
Anand’s reassurance unsettled her more. She told him bluntly she was no more interested to know how many more if and buts are still pending in their new game of “old age love”!
It was intolerable for Anand… but he was silent! Anand unfortunately also read one incomplete Suicide note, which they both torn and that day finally decided that nothing of this sort will take place in Bhairvi’s life… Actually he also thought of taking her to south her own state… Kerala the city of Gods to which she happily agreed also.
But it so seemed she suddenly became obsessed with his past love with Shaheen.
It was very late hour of the day that Shaheen suddenly appeared in his chamber in the Home Ministry in the third day of his taking charge as minister. She brought with her a small bag of shining deep blue colour made up of and just keeping that bag in his hand, she told Anand- “please keep this belated gift from your old lover for your loving bride… I hope you will accept it as a friendly gesture…”!
What is in it… isn’t it very late and not the proper time and place for such a gift… asked Anand…
You know I was never formal from the first day when I replied your blank paper in school time and I am still the same Shaheen for you… you may take it or not… to me this is but a reality and what I have given you is not for you but for Bhabhi… Shaheen wanted to continue with his sentiments but was interrupted by Anand… “I think when we met in Jaipur at the time of cricket match perhaps that could be the right occasion for such a gift…!”
No, I was a diplomatic guest of your country at that time. And it would be a breach of relations. She told Anand.
And now you feel I am not going to reach the same relations, since I am sitting here as Home Minster… Anand countered her.
Ok, I loose you win… now please keep it which is from my heart.
Anand opened the bag which was scented by very high quality of jasmine flower and the timeless Jaipur Kundan (earring), Hyderabadi Peals (Kangan) and Mumbai Diamonds (Necklace) were glittering in the soft transparent red paper in the box.
They are very precious… Anand uttered these words in a very soft tone.
Not more precious that our relation…
And that was a very brief dialogue with sweet memories they left each other… Before that Anand wanted to know if she needs his car for use. She replied in negation but with thanks. They departed.
Anand was not very much comfortable with the gift and her sentiments, which she was still not in a position to part with. He also thought of not disclosing this meeting to Bhairvi who was now her only life and he never wanted to see beyond her.
When Anand reached home he saw his wife not in good mood. Her face was not normal but pale and her eyes red with weeping.
“Are you alright, Bhairvi?” he asked. Is there anything wrong? “What’s the matter?”
“For God’s sake, please don’t speak, why you got late? Did you meet Shaheen in the office today… you never cared to even answer my phone calls… did you not receive my message? I know you still hide things from me… I believe you are a cheat and it was beyond the imagination of Anand to see Bhairvi in this state of affairs… it never happened before… was it a jealousy of Bhairvi that she could not even hear the word Shaheen in her life… It was really an awful situation....”
“Just wait… pleased wait… Please smile for me for a minute… Bhairvi I still love you… I love you” Anand muttered, but his words were ineffective and hollow…
There was a long silence between them…
Anand followed his Bhairvi, listening to what she told him, but she was too much unfriendly and agitated, to understand her word was a difficult task he left all this as it was.
The gift was still in his mind and it was also not good of Shaheen that she spoke about their meeting to Bhairvi the same night after leaving him at the lounge of Shastri Bhavan… and more troubling fact in the mind of Anand was the gift and he was unable to know what to do with that… suddenly Anand was scared since his mind was boggling and he was mentally perturbed. Some sort of wrong idea was also floating in his mind and he felt some insecurity in him… the diamond might bring chaos in his life… he already heard about the malefic affect of this stone which if does not suit some one, can even cause accidents and that can be fatal also.
He was feeling as some spirit was over ruling his head… that spirit travelled all over the house… from roof to his bedroom and dancing in the dim-light on the stairs with a candle in her hand…
Anand felt as if that spirit was chasing Bhairvi also and tried to grab her by neck… Is she going to kill herself, a very faint idea encroached in mind… the night was coming close and he was worried… he will definitely hand over the gift back to Shaheen and will tell her the truth… Shaheen and Bhairvi, Bhairvi and Shaheen… B and…. S… S. and B… and the diamond Necklace was hanging in the sky… the pearls multiplying Kundan piercing his head… Anand was really in trouble… rather he himself had invited the trouble… he could very well stop Shaheen for all this… who was stopping to him for not stopping Shaheen to create problem for him now… she was under the observation of intelligence too… and he was unnecessarily behaving like a irresponsible person.
Bhairvi had waited for only few days to conclude chapter of her life with his husband and unfortunately that fateful– night she committed suicide.
Anand again and again remembered those words of Bhairvi which were written in her old diary which she often used - “I’ll never forget the night he given me the first kiss of my life. It’s like an incredible gift which I will remember for whole of my life I know that night will not come in my life again…! Unfortunately she ended her life by proving him wrong… even those thirty year old family ties and faith.
Bhairvi’s false notions about his affairs with Shaheen started after thirty years of his happy married life and certain wrong information went deep into her unconscious mind. She buried their three decades good family life and left him alone in this world…
After the death of his wife Bhairvi, he would walk along to long distances for the solution but the solution was not there, sometimes he had to wake up suddenly during his half sleeps and thought about his past life, present obligations and uncertain future.
Anand remembered that happy evening when he had reached his home with his wife Bhairvi, after all the fanfare of the oath taking ceremony following a press conference. He was tired but happy. His wife Bhairvi was happy and excited because that particular day was special in her life as she herself felt the centre of attraction of the whole country. It was also interesting for her that so many formal and informal questions were also asked by journalists and media persons in the lobby where she was sitting separately and waiting for his husband to come.
Most of the question were related to her happy married life and the press very closely wanted to know how Mr. Anand Mohan Sharma came in her contact and how did they fell in love with each other .She answered all the questions in very light mood because she knew that whatever she will utter before the press will be sugar coated in tomorrow news paper.
And after that hectic schedule when Anand and Bhairvi both were about to enter in their bed room and wanted to relax, there was the telephone call from the P.S. office.
‘Sir, some old man is waiting for you in the guest house and he is known to you from your college days… he is some Mr. Soni’.
Tell him to wait, I will come and meet him after ten minutes.
Anand met his old friend Mr. Soni and got the news that Mrs. Sonal was admitted in the mental hospital in Jaipur and she was now a serious patient of Schizophrenia under the treatment of Mr. Vyas and her son wants to meet him, because ‘they are badly in need of some help.
Anand went to bed with his wife Bhairvi but his sleep was away from his eyes. As a matter of fact Anand was finding difficulty in adapting to the new change in life.He was under constant distrust of his own self. and the sweet but cruel past memories and experiences of his adolescent days, his involvement with Sonal and Shaheen and Divine often blocked his sleeps due to bad dreams... on the other side of the bed Bhairvi was a simple, natural and happy person having full confidence in him and was certain about his seemingly clean life... It was because Anand told her everything about his past relationship with Shaheen to the extent that Shaheen was his first love and she had a child from him, who was then in Pakistan, and there were no chance of his coming back to Anand's life again... one big fact which Anand could not - tell Bhairvi and that too was rather more deep rooted in his personality, was the hidden- outside marriage relationship with Sonal, in his earlier days... Anand thought about that relation... his adolescent adventures that started and ended in their life as a come and go affair... Since for a pretty long time the fire between him and sonal-cooled and he decided not to look back in the interest of his future married life. What was not thought of by him was the fact that such affair took little time to come to surface even if these were deeply rooted...
Perhaps Anand did not realise that whatever mistake one makes in his life, is registered in the sub-conscious layers of mind and can be harmful to an individual at any stage of his or her life... That state of mind cost more! ... It often becomes a point of no return! And that is a real painful journey in one's life when hidden past experiences overlap present life and blocks the future passage... It becomes altogether a complex situation.
The relationship developed between Anand and Bhairvi, passed through many phases of intact love and minimum meltdowns. It had a strong foundation of the emotional homework done by Bhairvi and she was particularly obsessed to support it with most minute details, for future commitments regarding their marriage.
On the other side Anand was little bit fishy but intelligent enough while keeping and continuing parallel pre-marital and post-marital relations beyond his spouse. He was always careful not to indulge emotionally with any of his love meets in his extra marital relations.
With Sonal and Saheen in particular it was matter of history and he enjoyed all the fantasies attached to these relations, but for Divine it was rather a irregular come and go relation which never developed deep roots. From his side it was a flirting and from Divine side, it was just a good past time. More over from the very beginning she made it very clear that she believed in give a take relations and had a graphical picture in her mind about with whom or whom not to keep in touch and for how long time ?
Anand very well remembered their first telephonic conversation after coming from Bhopal to his working place Ajmer, after setting duties of marriage with Bhairvi Divine made it clear to Anand that she believed in keeping rational relations and did not want to involve herself in any sentimental outbursts. She never riddled with any sort of anxiety may be big or small. She believed in the principle of not taking anything in heart as she often told him that the people’s memory is very short... but perhaps the memory of the triangle of Anand, Bhairvi and Divine lived long in everybody’s mind even after Bhairvi committed suicide.
In the beginning with Bhairvi it was truly a marriage, not just a wedding. They both enjoyed each other's company and nuptial-knots were also strong..... Till, the second time entry of Saheen shocked her foundation and beliefs and by mere sceptical feeling she took her life for which Anand always repented..
Just one day before that fateful night Anand had shared a real deep love with her wife Bhairvi. That was the day of their marriage. He gifted her special chocolates and celebrated it with champagne .He knew that these things have their romantic association...and stimulate the love centres of a woman.He uttered in filmy style-‘ Ek chand asman main hai ek mere pass hai’
And after this magic he persuaded her to put off her clothes. Both of them became nude and in nudity enjoyed bath...cooked the meals ...listened to the music..They had their lunch and dinner and slept in the bed of rose petals which Anand arranged specially for that day.their sex drive that day was endless... Anand was a sort of man who believed in making love all the night to his spouse although during sexual intercourse he talked of such a pornographical language, which was never liked by Bhairvi. It was just to show his intensity of feeling and true involvement with his partner. It was also to feel that the sex drive between both of then was strong and higher.
... Anand wanted to discover new bhairvi that night …he was very impulsive that night and kissed even the private part and also wanted that Bhairvi should reciprocate in the same way…fortunately she was also aroused…but he wished to be more intimate by proposing for an oral sex
‘Don’t do like that it is dirty…I can’t do that.No Anand no…She was feeling nervous with this idea…
‘Have you not seen in Khajaraho’s temple-sculptures all that…even the gods and goddesses and all the Gandherva’s did it …and with his exciting feeling he did what he wanted…Bhairvi’s pupil’s of eye’s dilated…perhaps she became supportive for a moment……and tried to enjoy fellatio, the oral stimulation…since with same deep feeling he enjoyed the act of cunnilingus .Anand tickled Bhairvi’s clitoris and labia minora with his tongue. They were in head to tale position.
‘You are really great Bhairvi…I love you , Anand told her in cool darkness…Bhaivi shaded her eye’s ,squinting them against her glare she went to the chair opposite the dressing table but then all of a sudden willingly escaped in the bath-room.,soaking in the marble tub, she thought again and again about few minute back sexual act…her blouse and petticoat open, nothing underneath…she was down on her knees sucking his ‘privacy’ ,which she now felt quite repulsive…Her firm young breasts partially concealed by the shower water…then suddenly some feeling of annoyance swept over the face …she thought she should not forget that Anand had deceived her by keeping regular contact with his old beloved Shaheen…she heard knock on the door…she jumped to conclude that Anand ‘s manners are becoming atrocious…yet she fought her impulse to lose her temper…she was little bit psychic and was in mental shake…Was Anand used her as a domestic pet..?why she had not grabbed Shaheen by her hair and threw out of her husband’s arms… she questioned herself…!she was not a casual play for him …not at all…still she was unable to feel why she allowed him to entertain his absurdities…all that happened in the name of sex was disgraceful to her…!!
… … …
On the other hand with all that happening Anand never thought in his dream even that his sweetheart Bhairvi would deceive him by committing suicide. On the contrary both of them liked their nude day so much that they had decided to spent the entire coming weak without clothes on...they laughed on their own idea as Anand holding a post of Central Minister decided to act in these fantasies...he would be definitely replying the telephones in his nude posture too that was all funny to think but they really enjoyed the new discovery of being naked... but all these ideas and the bed of roses enjoyed by them just one day before turned ugly and prickly suddenly.
It was really a sad day for him. There was some noise outside his old house
He came in the balcny.The noise was penetrating his ears creating harsh metallic sounds, coming from the garrage end.The voice was terror sick.loud enough to wake him. It was mixed with some cry of a lady. Anand was in his half sleep and when he got up from the bed he was surprised to see that Bhairvi was missing from the bed… He got scared and jumped from the bed, came out hurriedly and ran towards the voice resembling Bhairvi’s voice… why she is crying? He was breathless.It was an intolerable sensation. Where she might be? What happened to her? He was in excitement and wanted replies of these questions in one word…He moved fast.
There were fast movements and activities of Guards outside his house in the dim light of morning sun. Perhaps some worse thing happened to him… he thought and again cried “Who’s there? His voice became violent when he called- G- U- A- R- D. By the time Anand reached there in the direction of cry of Bhairvi…all was over…
She hanged herself with the help of a strong rope used in the servant quarter by children of guards for swinging…It so seemed ,she already made the preliminary preparations for that…By her side the guards were standing in fear and innocence ..Anand felt completely blank and shaken, sunk and lost, completly dazed and frightened.Tears burst into his eyes.
It was the third Thursday of Anand as a State Home Minister in the newly formed cabinet…and his wife Bhairvi committed suicide.


55/AS DAYS PASSED
Most people forget the death in a very short time, because the life is bigger than the death. There is a saying in our country-‘Aaj mare, kal teesara din.’ One who takes birth will definitely die. The body and this world are like an Inn where no one stays permanently.
For two-three days there was terrific media coverage about the death of Bhairvi, the wife of the Home Minister Mr. Anand… there were stories and gossips here & there for few more days and ultimately this national lead in newspapers and electronic media became a blank page of history. He remembered many events of their happy married life where everything was going very smoothly and there was no space in their life which could give any indication of such a step by Bhairvi.
Anand remembered that romantic night in the desert with Bhairvi when he was in the hunting operation in the western part of Rajasthan...There was some information from IB that two Pakistani terrorists had already entered in the border area near Jaisalmer. That time he was enjoying the Desert festival listening to the melodious voice of Langas and Kalbelia nauth girls at famous and splendour sam Dunnes with Bhairvi as a special guest of Tourism Minister.And there was that sudden change due to urgency.He took her wife Bhairvi along with him to the nearby desert location by jeep stayed there over night in Bheemsinghji ki thaani to colect information about the infiltrators. That area was known for a very special breed of poisonous ''PEEVANA'' snake and when Bhairvi heard about the stories of that snake (who would attack anyone when in sleep and would intake all the oxygen cover of his targeted person till he isdead), she couldn't sleep whole the night and put herself on red-alert duty to save her 'husbaand' from any eventuality.
That way Bharvi always shielded him from evey angle in his life and Anand had to depend on his 'diplomatic' agenda at several occasions in terms of his family and social attributes… He always remained in internal conflicts, since his material desires were not limited to his wife alone; he struggled against his on self.
He met people, went to places, exchanged his views with others and found everywhere one common thing that everyone was struggling in his self style way… rather half way to fulfill his or her hidden desires. In his family or outside, Anand did not find the natural habitat of growth, that caused aggression and other dark, urges in him since his store-house of powerful, instinctive impulses, were never satisfied.
It was blind and ruthless search and he made the search through his intimate love and lust affairs with his partners… he realized that this was Universal search.
He was at the mercy of his sub-conscious, in many area of his life he was unaware of certain inside and outside factors which were beyond control. He was also not very malleable.
Anand was in deep stream of thoughts… scattered images gathered from direct or indirect involvements were taking irrational shapes. He was thinking about ‘archetypes, echoes…man’s primordial animal, pre-human and human heritage.’ A realm lying even deeper of “collective unconscious, Anand was convinced by what Jung told about human psychology, because it was not only useful but full of wisdom and constituted the experience of uncounted centuries.
Anand was confused about rebirth… but anyway he believed in the cyclic theory of time. Where there was no past, no present and no future as seen in the liner direction and so called straight line… in the subtlest moment of experience, he could feel it… his only existence… bare existence! And was sure about his life… this life… which he lived earlier and will live again… the same life with slight change.
He thought-‘Life was battle for everyone, both female and male; unfortunately no one wins the battle because they fight for “defeating one another”… not for winning…!’
In the eye of the world, Anand with all his love-birds had played games of life that brought them to an area of darkness and if anybody entered in to this black hole, there was almost no possibility of coming back to normal life. So far his another weakness, Sonal was concerned , he was being followed by her in shadows, his passion, evil and sexual animal living inside him was like 'a pashu Gayatri' of his previous birth . He was under the stress and some sort of domino effect always disturbing his activities since long. He was under the pressure of thinking of Sonal again and again and always on the similar lines.
Her attempts to commit suicide two to three times worried him most, and the helplessness of his being away from her from the scene, from her life to which, some time, he was almost a part. Sonal was becoming hysterical, she would cry in an uncontrolled way any time while working in the routine household affairs... Many times while cooking before a gas cylinder she felt victim of hysteria and behaved in an exaggerated way as if she was under gone shock... Anand had known all this through his very intimate friend Mr. Soni, who often came to meet him in Mumbai and Delhi, whenever he was on special duties.
Anand many times thought himself guilty of Sonal's such state of mental sickness... and that too caused disturbance in his mind and her internal clock of body was not being monitored timely…hence she lost her balance of life… since she was a weaker sex.
Sonal was reaching further into the dark recesses of her unconscious, expressing previously blocked suppressed emotions that surrounded her conscious mind was powerless to bring it to the surface.Sonal was developing Crying spells, anxiety and tension. She was suffering from depression as she was shaken at the time of attaining her middle age. She developed at this stage insomnia, sudden headaches and heart palpitations with some time psychologically combined in her feeling of sin due to extra-marital sex relation with Anand which were known to her only.
She was also disturbed by disturbances, which normally caused by harmonic imbalances although by this age she attended menopause which was a biological phenomena and that also caused physical aggressiveness in her. The changes were both awesome and bewildering that caused rapid and devastating upheavals.
She was almost becoming a psychopath and would not stop talking about anything particularly related his past. He also felt nervous whenever he thought of Sonal in particular. What made him think this? He felt no answer to it but a bodily sensation travelled in his body pointing to a rapid end, and consciousness of horror.Sonal was passing sleepless nights like him but her conditions were more serious. She had also developed the habit of forgetting things and blamed other persons of her family for any work which was executed by her several times; she put off lights of the house hastily, drank many glass of water but forgot within few minutes, what she was doing earlier. She would rush over to the open windows and murmured the name of Anand in her very early stage of mental disturbance. Oh, there was she! Standing before the window and fixing her eye’s for some unknown object even some times without her clothes wearing some old head-gear of her grand father and smiling against the mirror .For all that she was also taken to psychiatrists, Ojahs and other aids including going to temples and worshiping different Gods, Peers and contacting astrologers.
And after sometime she was also cured but little later some short of Hysteria developed in her and the cause remained unknown.She was on attack of melancholia.
Anand had passed beautiful days and nights with Sonal and he still smells the air fragrant with the scent of new-jasmine flowers which she used to decorate her hair. He still remembered the remote area of the Shiv Temple where she would often meet him during the evening time and they discussed the following noon programme.
Anand felt that in life everything was suspending in time…but like many things of beauty, his adolescent love was also becoming a deep concern, he asked again and again. . .
Anand heard about Sonal’s serious condition from Soni,the ex-manager of Gajner Palace hotel, a very closed friend of his old days who was his class fellow also and often met him in Mumbai or Delhi when ever he had program of staying in that city for more than a month due to his duties…. The news and the whereabouts of Sonal and her family always came to him through his this old friend.
56/VALLEY GAZING

Unfortunately in later life, Anand’s life was becoming more and more complicated. He was also informed about Sonal’s behavioural change, spreading its ugly tentacles. Her roseate glow faded very fast to dull whitish complexion to the extent that all of a sudden she became scared of seeing her own image against the mirror. She stopped going to vegetable vendor, her close relatives and even going to temple stopped suddenly.
In later years when Anand had to leave the city and go away from her life, one day o Sonal abruptly left in the middle of a marriage function of her cousin and went alone by a tonga to her old Haveli, unlocked it and opened the doors and windows of basement and gassed herself there for quite a long time, simply looking beyond the valley gazing the horizon…That all happened in her life after Anand left the city and she also had known that he had parallel relations with a Muslim girl Shaheen who was his classmate and she became pregnant from Anand.The day she heared that news from his own husbabd innumerable poisoned needles pierced her ear.It was a great shock and she with difficulty could stop herself from crying.She felt as if an ocean of intoxication had dried in her life.Now she was a moon without beams

The grass was no greener now,still she could not keep her away from Anand's memories.Her strange behavior was noticed but ignored by her husband but when her activities and day to day routine were becoming perplexing , she was taken to Jaipur for investigations and treatment to Dr. Vyas, the psychiatrist, .Her husband Nandu Maharaj had never thought about her deep involvement with Anand whom he always considered a sensitive good boy and almost a member of family to the extend that he even requested Anand to stay at his home during those nights when ever he had to go to some out station because of government duties…and what all was going between his wife and Anand had never come in his simple mind…Unfortunately all was not that rosy as he thought ..Only at one or two occasions he definitely expressed her anger on Sonal…when she ignored her children and went to see movie in his absence and left his children in their relatives home …But all such things also did not sow any seed of suspicion in N.M’s mind…He was happy in his own ways of doing things and thinking about life from his own point of view.
Although a thing of worry and reaction for Sonal was this that his husband spent most of his time in the company of very cheap type of persons from lower strata of society. She specially did not like the coming of Girdher in her house who was son of a washer man but became a Physical Training Instructor in some private girls school…Actually he had seen Sonal and Anand taking a special box ticket of one movie ‘Anajana Safar’ and reported that matter to his husband…The day following their motion picture day , there was a tough fight for the first time of Sonal with her husband that even climaxed to Physical beating of Sonal by him…and that day he used some strong abusive words for Anand also which went deep into Sonal’s heart and from that moment a feeling of inner sin stormed her mind. Actually the mistake was from her side….
It was very late in the odd hours of night that Nandu Maharaj returned from Shivbari, a place of his regular visit and there was intermittent rains ,thunders and dark clouds…the light of moon was very thin…it distributed in the desert land of limited Khejari plantations outside the home of Sonal giving a pale grey landscape image to the surroundings of Dheenganiabasi…Sonal as usual stopped Anand since she was alone…Nathia Baba had also gone to attend to some urgent work…the dogs often barked and made weeping noises some time. .Overall the night seemed horrible…From distance N.M was returning in his slow paddled bicycle .He kept his bicycle in support of the mud-wall locked it and strode rapidly towards Veranda of his house where both Sonal and Anand were sitting on straw chairs, waiting for his return. Instead of looking formally towards them or telling anything he went inside like a thief in his own home. The very next moment Anand also left Sonal’s home although she requested him to stay and sleep there only since it was very late night hour…and the moment Sonal observed some tension on her husband’s face, she reacted in her angry mood on him—‘First you come late…and even don’t bother to talk …we were waiting for you …you never cared how badly it is raining …and what hour of your coming…you don’t think all that…even no words for Anand who…stayed here because…I am alone in the night…you did not utter a single word of thank for him…’
Nandu Maharaj was still silent…as there was something wrong with him…He had taken some liquor…and in Sonal’s married life. it was the first time that her husband came home in this state…His body and face smelling with some cheap local drink…Tadi.
It was beyond her tolerance. She became violent—‘Nandu have you taken some cheap drink..?...Where did you go …Not Shivbaari…where were you so long…Now go back to your same Girdher…who is after you…He will take your life one day…why have you come home…with what face…I say you leave this home immediately…If your children see you in this state what they will think of you…Nandu…do you listen me…I say go to your Girdher who is going to feed you all of your life…How he left you in such condition…I say go to some well and both of you fall in that…die…I say die…’Sonal was creating a scene and N.M was hearing all this silently ..But then all of a sudden he broke—‘You swine…Whore… will you keep silent or I come to stop you from crying.’
It was beyond Sonal’s imagination that N.M will at all react to her words like this...and before she would react further her husband came close to her and bashed her over the head with his hard punch…which she cold not bear and fell down on her bed, almost lost to realize what exactly had happened to her…She was shivering and almost became speechless. The whole night there was no dialogue between them and when she woke from this dreadful sleep she found Nandu out of home…For three days he did not come home and took over saffron clothes wanted to become a sadhu…but ultimately discovered from Shivbaari by his father and Anand and was brought home…Nandu told Anand that he felt sorry for what happened that night…since he was under the influence of liquor…his mind was beyond his own control…But since that day Sonal was became increasingly disoriented in her social obligations and even started a short of detachment in the family matters, like schooling of her second kid, with whom she spent maximum time outside her husband's home and lived in Jaisalmer for a change. Her maternal uncle wanted her to be free from her family burdens and he called her to this golden city for relaxation temporarily.


57/ AT THE MERCY OF EVIL,


Sonal was at the mercy of the evil … Her past life and her own self was shattered inventing shocking thoughts. Her heart was throbbing emotions, threatening to pierce her existence. Packed with abnormal feelings, she was losing her own posture. From tip to toe pressures of different kinds were over-ruling her normal mind.
She was being surrounded by unknown and absolutely un-concerned persons, those have never been important in her life. Her head was blowing hot, eyes boring deep, melting mass of graphite in ears, lips stitched, shoulders, hands, legs, fingers, nails and the skin- everything disagreeing with her. She was in the hot bed.
The evil in her was ready to destroy her out and out but after a prayer and submission; the lady of mercy, the most kind hearted one the almighty Goddess had granted her a sigh of relief… the darkest cloud of distress was running from her over-head.
In dreams and sometime after insomnia and half sleeps she would come under the spell of a long torture and felt as if from chins to her head she felt non-existent, eyes sunken with sneaky expression like a criminal. Her brain was almost damaged and it so seemed that the lethal out burst was inevitable. She came to a state of mind when she often asked herself - what was the basic essence of her existence? Was it insomnia? For getting out of the trouble she would several times change her clothes and brush her teeth, wash her face and stand before the mirror but her every action had the equal reaction and that reaction proved her wrong. She many times made a practice of undressing himself and got into bed always at the juncture of the last hours of night and the next morning, which was never a welcome sign to her existence.
She felt pressure of sleep almost at once, but got up with a shock, feeling as if she had not slept at all. She got out of bed and lighted the lamp. She tried to occupy her mind by remembering the old age text of religious books and uttered one thousand words of Vishnu Sahasra Naam, several days for keeping her mind in peace which was becoming very difficult.
In the morning many references had gone far away from her and she was consciously trying to avoid some names and places from the frame-work of her mind. From any single word or reference she would jump to another word of no importance in her life to avoid unrest but her effort would turn to a new conflicting situation…She was helpless.
One fateful night, overlapping images and conflicting ideas were floating in her mind as hot wind. The unfortunate part of her life was that –‘She had already passed through many such tedious sleepless nights before and that was becoming a routine now. So she was ultimately referred to Mr. Vyas mental hospital and was admitted there for treatment.


58/SHE WANTED A DIAMOND
Anand left for Jaipur after completing some formal ceremonies of death of Bhairvi. There was urgency of him since the condition of Sonal was deteriorating day-by-day.The public did not know what type of special relations he was having with her no relation but to him Sonal was his piece of his heart. Her life was very precious to him and he never thought to miss her. Even at this stage, when he was almost remained away from her, she stood in his memories and her feelings never died in him. These were as fresh as the morning breeze, like petals of lotus... as bright as the North Star shining in the sky.
Anand opened the door of the private ward of Sonal. She was under the treatment of Mr. Vyas who was a very senior specialist and profound friend of Mr. Anand... still it was a surprise for Mr. Vyas to see him… the cabinet Home Minister in his age old mental hospital in Jaipur. Although in the student life when Anand was also writing some column in some local daily he used to meet him often in search of some sensational stories for which he never encouraged him. But now he was the Minister in the central government.
His visit as Home Minister was very important for Mr. Vyas and he was also curious to know about the underlying connection of Mr. Anand Sharma with his patient Sonal who was a serious case of schizophrenia.
…’Person’ unable to limit his thought, emotion and behavior, leading to withdraw from reality and personal relationships, normally suffer from it.
Vyas told Anand that his treatment will help his patient to ‘re-live his past and understand the motivations that up to now have been out of her mental frame work. The understanding can free her from her guilt and repressions, with resulting beneficial changes in personality’.
It was quite a bizarre but hidden urge of Sonal that she wanted a child of some “unknown” person who was an ideal icon for her…It was in a very difficult manner she was convinced that among all mammals only the human female and the cow-elephant out live the years of child bearing…and unfortunately she can not conceive any child now.. She might adopt another child… She was against the very concept of adoption…as her two children were gems for her...still she wanted a diamond… She remembered that some one important in her life had presented her a diamond…but this was not true as there was no gift of any sort in the name of a diamond ever presented to her in her life–time …and as such there were lot of confusing ideas floating in her mind...over- lapping each other.
It was also a strange behavior of Sonal as reported by her husband that some haunting memories were troubling his wife since long…and those exaggerated whenever she visited the basement her uncle’s house which was little away from their own house…although it was a part of their property… But was not very much in use…Anand remembered to have met her in the basement many time and they spent good time there…
Such was the state of Sonal’s mind…and as the condition was serious Mr. Vyas keenly observed her minutest change in behaviour. Anand discussed some much hidden aspects of his relations with Sonal with Dr Vyas Which helped him in detecting the root cause of her illness and Dr Vyass assured after this important meeting that Sonal will very soon recover from her serious illness
Dr. Vyas was with him for considerably long time and it was a very private visit for which special care was taken that Anand’s coming over to Dr. Vyas Hospital is not made public.


59/GOLD, WOMAN AND APPLE
After visiting Dr Vyas’s Psychiatrics Hospital Anand realized that the old saying about ‘Gold, women and thorn apple’ was not wrong. The lust for women is thousand and one time bigger than the greed of gold and intoxication of Thorn Apple…He knew that by merely contemplating the senses a person develops attachment and that ultimately ends in lust…The attachment for all these three things have a common factor that proved that nobody in the world remained away from them, and Anand was no exception, hence he also enjoyed all these three “vices” in his professional position as they are considered the status symbol in today’s society… Anand also agreed with another saying: women in once life play always an important role… For success and failure of man, women have a big share…
It was even in king Vikramaditya times 32 virtues of women were considered necessary for any King who wanted to sit on the judgment seat. These 32 virtues were symbolised as 32 characters of the throne and when the successor of king Vikram of Ujjain wanted to sit on the throne…he was stopped by these 32 ladies. King Vikramaditya started the Hindu calendar to fix time for the convenience of his people.
There is one interesting tale of King Vikrmaditya, showing how he delivered his Judegments… ‘Dharamatta was an ugly looking, but an intelligent upercaste man who performed rituals for conducting marriages… he was unmarried but remained frustrated since no girl wanted to marry him.. Once, he was about to complete the rituals of the prospecting couple, he was fascinated to see the beauty of the girl.. and wickedly planned to fulfill his sexual desire through her.. He told the husband not to carry his wife home the same night of marriage because that may cause death to him. Since the girl in question was having some malefic planets in her astrological chart, Dharmadatta advised the husband to leave his “would” be wife with him for the whole night for necessary corrective measures.
Husband of the bride agreed immediately so as his parents because, no one wanted to carry death with them… And for one night nothing will happen. Rather, Dharmadutta will pure her by rituals. The husband convinced the girl also to stay with Dharmadutta for one night only.
Unfortunately the newly wedded bride was exploited by him who managed to rape her for whole of the night in the name of rituals and enjoyed the first night of his client’s bride and fulfilled his lust.
The bride reached home next morning in a normal way. She did not tell anything to her husband what happened to her the previous night …but when she became pregnant everything came in lime light and Dharmadutta was also exposed.
The unfortunate married woman was thrown out of house because of her misdeeds but when the matter reached in the court of king Vikramaditya he delivered his judgement in these words… The bride can not be considered utility; she did whatever she was told to do… Dharmadutta was also not penalized because “Sexual urge was – very natural… although his conduct was wrong …. But the penalty was imposed on the husband and his father and mothers, who believed in the false story of Dharmadatta about the malefic effects of celestial planets… This way such judgments showed the right direction to – this world by kings 32 virtues… one after the other, through interesting tales….
Anand thought …why the tale of Dharmadatta came in his mind? Has this story any relevance to his life ?or it’s merely a reflectin of some after thoughts abstracted in his mind ?...Yes there is a direct link of this story to his life…he had very cleary played a role of Dharmadatta, who exploited the life of the beautiful and charming lady Sonal…that way it’s crystal clear application on his life style…might be because of the malefic planets influencing both of them…as in the case of the would be wife of the client of the priest…Taking the benefits of the planets, Anand had also exploited the wife of the Physical Training Instrutor and seduced her. Sonal did not tell all this to his husband rather she was herslf enjoyed the thrill of this indulgence…but was ultimately surrendered before the psychiatrist Dr Vyas and her relations with her love or lust were exposed (only to doctor by Anand transparently) for her clinical welfare.After knowing the root cause of her illness Dr Vyas could treat her in very short time.
His own horoscope had certain features which can predict lot of happenings and expose his positive and negative character of life…His ascendant sign being Venus in ‘Pisces’ in it’s exalted position, thereby the lord of seventh, third tenth and fourth house and their planets directly influence his birth chart and predict his intense relations with opposite sex or his spouse, his position in society etc, That way the placement of Mercury in third house and Jupitor in afflicted virgo sign and mars in ninth opposite third house very well speak about him.


60/ALL THE BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTERS OF MARA
In the story of his previous lives, Anand noticed a common factor. Rather central theme of all his previous and present birth. His life's inner-core was an unfulfilling desire for love and unending lust for sex.He followed women without making them feel insecured and then only took them for a ride.Throughout his life he liked voluptuous women. He was flamboyant and temperamental and many time expressed an unconventional image of Casanova. He lived a life of a different materialistic man and was never interested in any sort of abstract meditation like Gautam for he was a part of this world and never tried to escape from the sensuos pleasures rather he persued them…so there was no feeling of sticking to his home…he lived and loved this world with ten-fold intensity and he was not waiting for any state of spiritual attainment so he always felt himself surrounded by the beautiful women of his world.Daughters of Mara.
Anand experienced the temporal realities of ‘so called love’ in his life.He also liked stories of love birds and lust masters, who bluffed the world by inventing wicked designs to win the full package of sensuous pleasures, an endless game of life.
He pursued very sincerely his underground world directly and due to intelligent handling different women entered in is life. It was a natural exploration. He simply enjoyed all levels of infatuations, seeing and believing, and indulging with his partners. Known and unknown women always played an important part in his.He remembered famous writer Hemingway’s life who (as one of his wives told him once- You need a new wife for each new book) enjoyed the company of all good and bad type of women. Anand also enriched his beautiful and ugly treasure-trove of life’s most interesting and exhilarating Audio-Video-psycho-somatic game called sex.A permanent biological clock controlled blooming of flowers of blue eyed wild iris grass in him…
Anand to his totally contrast life style, knowingly or unknowingly, once submitted his existence. to one godess Lalita, He wanted to become her bow of sugarcane with five arrows in her hands… he wanted to destroy his pride, sin, anger, greed, doubt and all the differences and barriers of this world… He wanted to destroy known and unknown, he wanted to overcome and transcend-virtue and vice… he wanted complete- transparency in life… He surrendered himself to goddess to know his and her own self… He wanted brilliancy, manifestation, and sweetness, depth, fixity, energy, grace and generosity… He was certain; one day goddess will bless him all these qualities which she possessed…but his search remained an endless desert…and his life became shifting sand dunes. In reality he could not yet come out of his Tam-Raj and Sat three fold conflicting existence and never in Union…perhaps he was in grip of all the beautiful daughters of….M..A..R..A.. which was naturally his limitation… he had to still wait….wait… and wait…. The time was not yet mature… Anand reached in his thoughts in the ancient caves of Ajanta. Different caves had variety of visiters-of different castes or creed or colours or region or religion.Urban -suburban.
Village folks,college students ,old and young, arts groups, religious people,international tourists .Every one was busy in his own way of seeing and believing… some ladies were in groups…some beautiful and more beautiful…some charming, some more charming. different female figures,different faces but the figures of caves were exclusively attractive.In the very first cave the lord of lust and material possessions, fear and greed with semi-nude gorgeous ladies carrying madan- kalas in different lustfull posture were trying to attract Buddha ,threatening him in every possible manner…Anand also tried to touch earth just by copying Buddha by seating himself opposite in the cave itself and wanted to test his own roots… but he timely realized, he was not Gautam in vajrasan (amative seat) and moved by the presence of the beaters, who with their combine evil force seduced him… Anand thought about those beauty’s… In his mind, flickered the images if Bhairvi, Shaheen, Sonal, Divine and others too, here and there in the line of his lust.
Shaheen, his first innocent and pure love…perhaps from heaven…she came like an angel in his life…or from some ancient time! … she might have met him in his earlier life in the same Ajanta cave waiting for his eyes to adjust tothe darknessand light in some mixed excursion group of boys and girls of some school… while passing through the coloured minerals crushed over the Mara painting , both of them suddenly fell in first sight love…she became the image repertoire of one Apsara of the painting…afflicting with some compulsion to speak to him-‘I L..O..V...E..You…. the same three words she repeated of her Lady Elgin school days, when she had returned his blank piece of paper… and to his surprise she wrote in that paper too …I ..L..O..V..E..you.
The second darling of his life Sonal (floated in parallel boat with him) had to live in exile Due to him only as she was forced to live away from him and remained in insomnia for an uncertain period…That was her worst time .She flayed herself for her lack of tacts as she could’nt save her love and became a mass of irritable substance…skinless without Anand….But her rebellion did not accept the realities in the changed circumstances.Sonal remained in the intense mood of hallucinationatory psychosis of her desire of Anand...once again amorous desire of her lost love….to the extent that she wanted his last embrace before death…Anand’s this love Sonal, the another beautiful daughter of Mara, unfortunately could not be a clever adultress througout. She was not ready to lose him even in absentia and for that remained in continuous stress and developed sense of some fear.
His relation with the most charming damsel Divine remained throughout ‘coitus reservatus’…Both of them were deeply in need of each other and rubed, rubed and rubed skin, exchanged fantastic language, caresses but there was no orgasm between them…They winked, they blinked, they came close togather, they enjoyed most intimate moments shared emotions and intellect…walked long distances arm in arm, still remaining an easy piece of paper and not a certificate but…. Divine never remained jealous of Bhairvi’s position and always tried to keep a safe distance…Her mental and physical urge unfulfilled desires and high ambitions , rational behavior and accommodative life styles brought her in touch with lot many persons later and she also accepted Mr Charan her ultimate god-father with wom she developed physical relations also but Anand never entered into any sort of rivalry with her…she remained good friend of him throughout…even he had some sort of rivalry in the initial stage with Mr Charan, but after analyzing the situation,the ‘odiosamato’( Anand got this word from his Italian friend who worked in the Embassy) was also liked by him…atleast all three of them became mirrors of one another.
Anand remained partial husband of Bhairvi.There were countless minor differences between Anand and his wife Bhairvi. She was also an achievement of his vacuum days…She remained his friend philosopher and guide but left him in the middle of his journey…She gave him one dimond and one ruby…son and daughter…but their misfortune and misery separated them…took her far away…beyond and beyond their existence.She committed suicide …There was a pea of suspicion under ‘the princess twenty mattresses…and unfortunately that pea was a shadow…not reality…that pea was the tapestry of illusion…the black veil of destiny…Thagini (Cheater ) MAYA.
He started believing in Nietzsche : Fulfilment needs an abolition of inheritances….Joy has no need of heirs or of children, Joy want’s itself eternity. The fulfilled love has no need to transmit, to reproduce…In the Indian context Anand very well realized that there is no possible end of inheritance of any sort until one attain eternity!. As there is no end of material desires there is no way out for abolition of inheritance…Yayati remained unsatisfied even after indulging himself totally in his lustful designs for years…and that too to the extent, he managed to use the youthful years of his son for his own carnal desires. And then ultimately he realized, if all worldly pleasures are given to one man, and he is given the liberty to enjoy that in his many lives, he would not be free from his lust of life.
In the same light, The king saint Bhartrihari while discarding the total worldly pleasures wrote:Bhog na bhukta, vayamev bhukt…we have not enjoyed these worldly pleasures, rather the pleasures enjoyed us…since our desires did not come to halt…Anand also believed that in his own life he had seen no end to his worldly desires…that way he was always in the crucible of his unending desires…In this world too all bodies and all mind merge together in search of that game. They need no other language but the language of lust.
The assault and temptation of Mara’s apsaras hindered his progress of his possible future enlightenment as he could never defeat Mara of his times .Gautam could win over it without any Guru…by becoming his own torch.
But for a man of his background and born and brought up as a homo-rationalist but becoming in modern-day irrational man ....a. new breed of twentieth century…a journalist-artist-teacher turned politician… His journey through life as an individual as a husband, as lover or a man of lust and politician mixed with lot of other careers, a journey of a hunter, a journey of a pseudo- intellectual, a journey of a so called psycho-analyst and of so many other brands of persons he wanted to reach everywhere but could not reach anywhere.
He had been a passion seeking person throughout his past life, sometimes questioning the riddle of life, the dichotomy of good and evil, the bad and the strong shades of his life and his own people.In his passions he had become slave of unlimited desires and longings and that was nothing but hankering for material happiness…a sort of darkness followed by ignoring spirituality of life.It was a competitive rat-race ending in madness.and that way knowingly or un-knowingly he had closed the gates of illuminated knowledge.
He kept a safe distance, enjoyed every bit of the adversity... as a passenger of the road of life particularly sex. since he had realized by his hide and seek games, that all the roads go to that point of lot of returns, Anand lived and learned more in his early forty year (Gautam attained the Bodhisattva at the age of thirty five) than all of his life that the only path of ‘his salvation’ by contrast to the great Buddha, was his passionate involvement to life and not detachment. It was more of a outward journey and less inwardly ... As a matter of fact, Anand lived life more physically more rationally and less and less spiritually... yet his life was invincible and that way he was more close to Gautam and not Bhuddha…
Since he was a small creature with lot of carnal desires of this world and unable to attain the smallest part of status of Buddha, Anand had seen life with new outlook, he had undertaken this long journey by changing spirit by changing eyes of seeing this world, by changing ideas, by changing himself totally.But again and again the big army was before him …he was in the permanent stage of vishad yog of Arjun …no Krishna came to his rescue…he was definitely in war with himself what to say of other’s….Anand knew without proper direction he was always defeated in the struggle between good and evil…between wrong and right…between truth and error…between knowledge and ignorance…between light and darkness….the world around him was full of vicious designers,demons , in fear of losing face he admitted like Goethe… that we are our own demons, we expel ourselves from our paradise…really awful monsters but very few angels….furies,vampires,hobgoblins armed to the teeth and no one in mood to free him from the clutches…
Anand could very well imagine how Gautam might have encountered millions of frightful faces, their limbs like mammoth scorpions and serpents, their heads like blaze of fires…and how fire became his halo round his head.The fire or poison also changed into flowers …even the enchanting sixteen daughters of Mara could not lure him he remained calm and impatient…while in Anand’s life he had been attracted by smallest temptations and danced on his one foot whenever any celebrated lord of evil swing into action….as he had been thousands and thousands miles away from supreme enlightenment attained by Gautam who became Tathagat in the full moon day of month of Vaisakh.


61/TIME FOR TRUE CALLING

Anands was now passing through his midlife crisis. What a time of his true calling? For him there was no beginning, no middle and perhaps there should be no end in his life. Anand thought that in most of the cases people miss many trains of opportunities or fumbled on the way of reaching their destinations that leads to stagnation, a state in which an individual’s essential vitality sinks too low for further development. But if the crisis is confronted and resolved, it can lead to enormous gains in perspective and creativity. The greatest gain of all is ‘generatively’, which one western sociologist defines as a concern for and commitment to the next generation of mankind.” Anand very much agreed to this point of view of a western social scientist.
His whole life was a living example of how he had struggled hard in the middle age and survived to attain success in his life. For that entire he most the time even crossed the moral barriers of society… although often he had repented for that. Although in particular way thought about the existing boundaries between man and woman and strongly felt the need of questioning them, once such relations erected or exposed, they tend to persist as a constant provocation … may be it is better that way. For it is also a welcome gesture that a boundary offering challenge of its demolition. It is through the fissures in the boundaries that the process of change flows.
Anand thought in his middle age of life that now the limited time is left to live, he should change his perspective of life. His long affairs…. adolescent sex, adultery, beyond marriage and boundaries of sex class creed and colour, sex of any type had been the domain of Anand’s discovering mind. As an immature young guy earlier he was trying to penetrate the impenetrable.
He thought, who is there controlling and creating all this….and what is all this non-sense... is life really a tale told by an idiot..? If so for whom these stories are meant... who is the real taker of all this happening around them...good or bad. Is there is any reason behind all this or it’s just irrational. All these questions and no clear answer… where questioning is crystal clear... why not the answer... who is responsible for all this... who ultimately. Let’s perhaps wait... yes this is also one way to think of the answers or something else, whatever.
He remembered at this right juncture.., the case of a prostitute and an artist or poet-the dialog was interesting.
What can you do for me, if you really love me..?
'I can think', poet rightly said
What else you can do?
'I can compose poems.'
O.K, what Else?
I can fast..! .
Novelist Hermann Hesse was perhaps right to put the solution in his own way. As the nature of his character was different, Anand thought to place the world ‘wait’ instead of ‘fast’ as to his thoughts if one can wait, one can solve his many problems
Anand wanted to experience the real truth in his life as it was of no use in running behind abstract things or absolute ideas…!. That way perhaps he wanted to explore the rational, relationship between his body mind and soul.... it was not very easy. In once life time it was not possible... but he decided, he will make an effort in this direction... and the best way he thought for this realization was to leave his self free from all bindings and possible barriers of life.... again it was a difficult journey and he was not finding the real out-let.
He knew he made so many mistakes in life that even if he thinks about those, his whole life will pass. Life is not that easy as it is taken generally.
Then what was the way to know him? Then why to know all that, separately? Where to go for that search... Whom to meet or contact ..?.. When the time will come in his life or when he will be satisfied to some extent that he is travelling in the right direction is also not known to him.
Is there any need of a path finder in his life or he was himself the path finder.....! Was there any need for a Guru for "Self realization.....? or he was his own Guru (teacher) ... He knew, if he started his search, he would have to travel more and more inside of his own self.....!
That doesn't mean he should sit at one place and commit mistake and through mistakes know his life…as people mostly think .To him this was also not the right answer to his problems. He definitely needed some help... perhaps help from some unknown agency... but who is that... where is that? ... He was still in the search. His own path finder!
He met lot of people ... He went to lot of places.... but one small thing changed his direction... He was reading one article in a world's well known magazine -Life International... and that reading changed his ideas, his thoughts his direction! Off course!!
The article was about some old Sofa.(It may be any furniture.) That sofa was taken to different places... like, it was kept on the lush green lawn of White House.... it was taken to one of the world's largest fall Niagara, against the flowing adventure of nature..... It was also perhaps taken to Paris and opposite Eiffel Tower. Many interesting photograph of the sofa were taken.... perhaps the intention of the photograph or the editor of the magazine was to interpret the life in its own way.... Even by placing non-living thing in surroundings... but in that way some intrinsic meaning of human life or the hidden treasure of nature... man to his environment... culture and civilization... art and its adventures.... could also be realized to some extent... He appreciated fully the effort of the editor and talked about the mind-set of any thinker with his close friends.... perhaps few of them also appreciated the idea of the magazine.
Then he again thought of some more things .Definitely the second thought appeared in his, otherwise normal mind... Could he also know his life like that? By going to places ...by meeting different people, wise, normal, ordinary, extra- ordinary minds.. Again and again the answer was yes or not... It was between the lines… two opposite poles … just opposite and unlike world's. That existed out side him.
Hence again he thought of the meaning of life from within himself ... thought of his own introspection... by-hunting deep end deep inside his own body mind and soul... and that way perhaps he could get the answer! Self-realization by going beyond and beyond ... but introvert... in the many ways of life... to see new dimensions fresh horizons.... opening of lotus like sun.... awakening!
How could it be possible in a very Small Span of life.... in limited days? Why limited.......... He thought, the time is limit less... the life is limit less.... the realization of the truth, the essence of life is also perhaps... His thoughts stopped to suggest.... He should wait... Could he wait....? He asked the question to himself...!
This search for the truth of his life was going to dogs… in broken thoughts and words he was trying to avoid the problem of life-time in a limited short time... rather in half sleep.... is that not a pretty.... affair ?
In one midwinter night moment Anand seen his wife Bhairvi in her sound sleep…but her face was looking disturbed. It was perhaps disturbed sleep. She was sleeping fortunately all his ideas were floating in his mind only... He did not even try to cross the bed of his wife… and put on the light.. He knew by this action he would disturb his wife more who was in deep sleep...
Anand thought. She must be dreaming of completing their unfinished house... which was lying without roof because there was no money for R.C.C. work. (Those were the days of his struggle in life, her wife Bhairvi had come from Bhopal after her first delivery…and he named his child Pranav!)... and there must be quarrel going on between him and her... the blame always coming on him for improper planning... ambitious designs and all other impractical things attached to his life...!
He set out for a journey to map more interesting details from dreaming mind of his wife....
‘His wife were standing before a ‘dream house Badal Mahal.’.. heaven on earth... dream.... coming true.... in real sense...The dialog between them started with interesting but irrelevant contexts as it normally happens in dreams---‘ Oh Anand you are dressed as Badshah Shahjahan ? ‘I thought when you have dressed like Mumtaj Begam…why should I not be like your husband…you are really looking gorgeous in while silk embroidery gown…and the Pashnina is wonderful…you are looking queen. ‘Oh why are you flying in the sky Anand? I am bringing you’re Pashmina from stars. …Anand was then suddenly reached in the court of Badshah and exchanged his turban with him…and again a change…in the Magazine of Ajmer in the side Jharokha Bhairvi was sitting along with the other Janana’s and the Ambassodor of East India Company Tomas Roe was presenting his credentials to Anand seated in the Mughal crown Takht-e-Taus. Outside his old haveli of Bikampur one flag was hoisting and two horses with the seal of Mughal court were standing waiting for his command…and his old Haveli was covering space of three open court yards with beautiful terrace garden..Jharokhas of intricate marble jalis…palace like huge opening gate with hanging balconies of transparent coloured cut glass and mirrors for ladies speaking about the royalty of the inside of the building that could overwhelmed the visitor…three independent staircases connecting galleries with frescos running from one end of the edifice to the other told the glories of his past heritage…But suddenly the scene changed…and both of them fell down from sky….searching in darkness the walls of their Haveli…. His lady Bhairvi was standing on the balcony of an incomplete house... all other houses of surrounding area of the Municipal colony were well finished… completed... Only her house was left roofless because of lack of money.
-‘Why you are not completing your house...? Your incomplete house looks like a jute patch in the silk carpet’.
-‘Yes, I am also worried.... but ‘he’ (She didn't call Anand by his name as the Hindu-wife is forbidden to take the name of their husbands! IN other words She would ‘allude’ to him but never’mention’ him by name !! ) is short of money... They were waiting for the cheque from their grand father... that was their own money.... which was lying with their grand father since the time they got married... his wife wanted to handle the answer intelligently.
-‘But from where the money came... was it not a dowry given to your husband…? The grand lady Mumtaj Begum wife of Shahjahan asked this question directly. Being the.... authority and the queen of Hindustan, her asking this question was not wrong.
"No... No dear sister... that money came as gift... the words coming out of his wife’s mouth were broken in speech…and suddenly the balcony collapsed… his wife got up from her sleep...
What happened? Did you see any bad dream? He asked his wife...
Why you always, think of bad dreams? She complained!
Anand did not complain of anything type of dream in life He knew she was a victim of passion throughout…and her goodness had been defeated by absurd ideas…that way Bhairvi was forced to close all the gates of her mind by her false-ego…she remained a slave of uncontrolled material desires…bewildered…lost, engaged in her own destructions…On contrary to it, Anand felt satisfied in gratifying his senses…as if these were the prime necessities of human civilization. Of late perhaps he realized that the sense of enjoyment in thee materialistic world was his great degradation and fell down into hell…where in the name of life he was under the cover of darkness, inertia, madness and illusions of life.
His relation with Shaheen, Sonal, Bhairvi and Divine were to be understood from different interpretations of dreams of their lives. And so was about the relations of all the individuals. Even with animals, places or things…relativity in all the relations was important. Loving of any cosmopolitan city was different than love of a small town .It was different in house in balcony in staircase, in the drawing-room, on roof-top. Even different out-side house on roads .In garden and … in cinema, everyone’s role was changed in given space and time .In broader sense sex could be a passing phase for some person but for others might be appetite or undying love. Then what was his or her fault..? Are we not creatures of this planet called love…?
He remembered to have met Divine after a long gap when late Prime Minister Balbir Gandhi visited Banswara in Rajasthan and he was holding special charge of his security. By that time she attained the height of a very senior politician in congress and she was the chief observer of changing political scenario of the state. She had also acquired the status of M.P in the upper house after the post fell vacant due to semi- retirement( as politicians normally never want to retire ) of Charan. Anand knew that Miss Divine was brought into politics by Charan.and very soon she emerged as a very strong national leader .Once she came in touch with Mr. Vijay Gandhi. Anand remembered her old days when he got her a job in a public school in Jaipur and there and then he introduced her to Mr. Charan… and since that time she raised her status very fast in society did not look back and became very popular in the power corridor of ruling party. Under the changing political scenario and on parallel footing, Anand also enjoyed the power politics and had attained positions as high as Ministers in both Congress and Opposition Party governments …although in his earlier life he never thought that politics would become his destination at all…!


62/END OF THE ECLIPSE
The new moves in the changing political scenario of the country brought the major opposition parties and unlike minded smaller parties under one umbrella after another general election....Anand had already resigned from Mr. Rao Bahadur’s Congress government, from the post of Home Minister before the demolition of Baori Mosque in Ayodhya as he started diverting his mind in the favour of the Ram-temple issue and almost became an active political member of National Alliance Party…This made his position stronger in the organization day by day and he elevated his position as a strong national leader who attracted the masses by his firry speeches body language,timimg and pauses to connect with his vote –bank and saffron colored- life-style.
Besides this he had his adolescent days and youth time devoted to basic R.S.S ideas and had enjoyed the confidence of senior stalwort and leaders of saffron party.He was a regalar visitor of Shakha, the non-formal evening schools of indoctrination of 'Hindutva' run by R.S.S.He was also raised to the status of Ghat-Naik and then Mukhya-Shikhsak in a very short time.In his adolescence he was hardcore Swayanmsevak and The Pariwar had an eye on his development…and already tested him on many occasions in his youth time…Even when he was a journalist he published lot of stories in support of Janasangh,the first national political offshoot of R.S.S.He often visited the senior leaders of Party and kept himself in touch with grass-root level workers of the Party. Enamoured with the Sangh ideology he became a fiery orator after the demolition of the ‘Dhancha’ and top brass of the Party were impressed by sense of his commitment…Anand had been standing in the support of the saffron ideology and travelled on foot and bicycle tirelessly, meeting people for gaining support of masses. Besides that, in the last three state level elections he also helped himself got out of his old congress stint and strait jacketed him in to the top leadership of the safron party, especially those close to the R.S.S faction, have tried to put him on the leading national politics…He successfully addressed crowd of east, west, north and south equally well and handled the regional responsibilities as a prolific campaigner. He had proved his ability too many times and on too many fronts.
Although during Emergency days when he was working in the University, he remained a silent spectator of NAP and did not prefer to support it's activities, rather he later joined hands with Mrs Mira Gandhi and worked for her till she was assassinated. During those years Anand had gone very close to her and was fairly branded a man of Gandhi’s coterie. But just after another political murder and a sacrificial death of Mr. Balbir Gandhi the political equation changed fast with the demolition of Baori Maszid and he also shifted his stand.He became liberalist and made his political speech very diplomatically and expressed his views that the demolition was a very natural reaction of an action took place in history, a link in that chain of events, which is creating eternal enmity within communities and unfortunately brought disaster to our country…and for that everybody should regret...but contrary to his philosophy of unity, he made inflammatory public speeches during the communal riots and was also charged under the IPC SECTION 153-A for promoting enmity between different religious groups. He was alleged to lead a mob of thousands of persons in one suburb of Bombay and soon after his speech the mob turned violent and indulged in heavy rioting…but he denied that the charges were a result of political vendetta and since there was no evidence against him he was acquitted.
Anand enjoyed his best time during the Premiership of country’s most powerful lady Mrs Mira Gandhi as he only got into SIB first and then was made special officer of A.T.S. At that time Mrs Mira Gandhi was so deeply loved by people that even after her Emergency black rule and uncounted un- democratic accesses people brought her back to power and the N.A.P government was just forgotten and thrown into oblivion. After her, two-three P.M's of the opposition faction only enjoyed their honeymoon period for a very limited period and their freak governments could’nt run the show properly…their exit were more peaceful than their entry.
Anand faced a bitter time even during the tenure of Mr. Balbir Gandhi when chain of C.B.I enquiries against some falls allegations were conducted and nobody came to help him. .He was alleged and charge-seated of false encounters and murdering a terrorist in the custody by using third degree methods

…He passed through severe enquiries and trials by C.B.I. office when he was in A.T.S.He helped Balbir Gandhi to encounter a rumour floated by Pakistan’s Intelligence Agency that India was planning to attack Pak Occupied Kashmir.For that he toured extensively to Punjab Air Force Mess and convinced the P.M about the rumour. As a matter of fact he became a strong officer at the time of formation of special P.M. Secretariat in South Block…When so many big guns were bundled out without having any word with them, Fortunately all these politically motivated fortunately ended in his favour and acquittal and then suddenly he was called to join Rao Bahadur’s new Ministry. Perhaps he was awarded by Rao ,the portfolio of Home Ministry just to prove his sincerity and long services he had extended to his party and it’s out-fits and organization.
Anand was called to join the Minisry of Mr.Rao Bahadur in the Centre. Actually he had very earlier changed his mind-set after the assassination of Balbir Gandhi and did not like to stay in National Congress Party, but because of his dedicated relations with Ms Mira Gandhi and later with Balbir Gandhi, he was invited to join the new government of Mr. Rao Bahadur Singh as a state-level Home Minister.That opened another new chapter of his life.
But his coming out from ruling Congress government from the post of a Minister and breaking of long ties, few days earlier of demolition of Mosque, was also his correct move, because the new polarization was in his favour and that gave him another opportunity to join as Minister in the new government of N.A.P and other factions. Anand at that time was given a portfolio of Parliamentary Affairs Minister which he very sensitively handled. It was indeed a new political mileage at people’s cost. The nation was facing so many problems like acute inflationary pressure, instability of the government due to nuclear issue, cross border terrorism but his party always hammered on the hidden-agenda of ‘Hindutva’ and Anand advocated this in his firy speeches whenever he got the chance. He travelled a long way before reaching here.He knew that ‘India’s tryst with destiny on the midnight of August 14, 1947, of which the late Jawaher Lal Nehru spoke with deep emotions and feelings had failed…and after that he had seen hopelessness and despair in Indian masses plagued by broken promises of different leaders and parties from time to time…He several times thought that anarchy could be a more viable state of his country today to a Satanic system which had bled the democracy and his great country still needed a big revolutionary break-through.
In reality Anand’s persona was little bit controversial as he had shades of all parties and different ideologies. He descended from R.S.S (caught young) by its political wing the earstwhile Jansangh,was influenced by radical humanism of M.N.Roy,fascinated by life of Gandhi,sometime believed in Maoist idea that the revolution comes from the barrel of gun.Then liked Pablo Picasso,Kafka,Jean Paul Sartre. As a matter of fact art.literature, music was his home, even Para-marxism, Existentialism and post modernism brought in him storm like swiftness but ultimately he believed he reached nowhere, although he was moving. He could not make politics or literature or art his bread and remained ‘physically a misfit, mentally hungry and spiritually a poor fellow’ not fitting in anything…This sort of living have taken a large part of his life ,since the beginning and he had been a sufferer of loneliness. Again and again…Perhaps that might have given him something positive in life…and for that also he is not sure…In political parties he found people raising their hands but not heads.
.That’s the reason Anand was in search of new National ethos and after much political upheavals, he was busy once again with the prospective new saffron People’s Party of India that was in opposition of the ruling government but had good command and supporters in different parties.
The new game of polarization was being played. Party’s senior leaders were discussing certain serious issues related to the coming election of President which was due after a very short time. The top brass of the prospective party was in a mood to support this time some candidate of Anand's calibre. The party showed confidence in spite of clear-cut number game against the candidature. But the party was of the opinion that the candidature of Anand’s calibre would motivate lot many members of all the houses of Parliament to cross-vote in his favour for the post of President.
His party had this hypothesis in mind that the positive aspect of the candidate’s prospective success was not only his seniority but because of cross-voting he had the chance of victory. In addition , since Anand was an ex-congress leader and also on a rational chronology... his party ‘think tanks’ put like that-‘ Our first president was a great politician, second Teacher-Philosopher… the third Educationist… and so called secular leader, fourth… fifth… sixth… and the well known scientist and the missile man ..And the outgoing low profile lady for the name sake only. And now the Rastrabhakta of a very high spirit, the Encounter Specialist, who had been a terror for terrorist...
His party’s and spokes-persons wanted to send the message before the world that the top most agenda of the Presidential post was- ‘Fight against terrorism’, Mr. Anand was the ideal choice for the coming election of president from their side. He was being considered for such a top and respectable position as new president ofI India's Democracy was beyond anybody's imagination. Even for Anand it was a dream.
….. ……. …….. ………
And once more there was tumult in Parliament. There was trust motion against the Congress led alliance. The P.M was scheduled to reply to the debate in an hour before the voting…and suddenly wads of currency notes flashed by Safron M.Ps inside the Loksabha. As alleged, bribes were offered to three M.Ps. For abstaining from voting in the trust motion.The house and nation for the first time after independence, watched such a wretched ‘Nautanki’ in shock…the Speaker left his seat and large number of members from opposition benches trooped towards the empty Speakers chair with mounting slogans.
The house was adjourned.
The names of top brass of the ruling alliance were dragged into malign the ruling party and effect the trust vote…Any how confidence motion initiated by the P.M of the ruling party and Congress continued in the power enjoying support of new group . But soon this’ Palace of playing cards’, the newly built castle in the air, shattered in no time and the country headed for new mandate .Perhaps the scheme of nature and the destiny of nation was going in that direction.


63/FROG LUSTFUL FOR A LILY PAD ?

Anand was expecting Shaheen on coming Monday but she changed her program and suddenly took the last silver line bus and without intimating Anand reached today by a three-wheeler in the early hours of morning. Almost a week's earlier.
Anand was performing pranayams.He had attended late night ‘Ganesh Chturthi’ functions and was tired. He had rather told her only few days back to postpone her visits for this week since there were hectic political activities in the capital and the present government was counting days. But since the day she was granted Indian Citizenship she was often changing her programs. Suddenly there was a great change in her mind set after that.
He thought her meetings may still raise new problems in his circle although she was no more a Pakistani now and was in regular touch with Anand.
Anand’s General Party members had some reservations and doubts about her old relations with Anand…In the socio-political corridor the burning topic was also a book of poetry published recently by a well-known publisher of Pakistan and the writer of that book was Shaheen. In that book bold references of broken relations of her Pakistani ex-husband, blatant commitments and descriptiptions of exotic destinations of Kolayat …the poems had the touching sensibilities and passionate love expressed for ‘some very important ‘A’…It was released recently, before the decided time… and seemed to be a calculated move to tarnish the image of Anand in his prospective Presidential elections as it had some special mentions of his earlier romance…poems like ‘Love and lust…Taste of cream-role. Desert triangle …Rolling over sand dunes…The death of blue rose…Rostem and Sohrab …You still belong to me…Suhana Safar the last movie’ were all directly related to old pre- marital relations of Anand with Saheen .Four lakhs copies of books were sold in India and abroad as it was little bit uncomfortable for even Anand but fortunately the top Party leaders were knowing the inside positive sides of story of this relation and they had no objection in anything … this closeness was the second phase of intimacy of their life. She was granted her Indian citizenship in India shortly before the Presidential campaign.
Anand in confidence also discussed Shaheen’s matter with his party chiefs since he was feeling very lonely after the death of Bhairvi… no doubt it was a very sensitive personal matter of Anand and party had nothing against this.
It was the jogging time for most of the fashionable and health conscious people living close to Paharganj and Railway hospital. They were also going for jogging to newly developing jogging area in the Connaut Place. Anand sharma never took pains for morning walk, because he used to go to bed late in the night. For around a month the entire family was again in the old city house and renovation work was in progress. The changing political scenario demanded that.
Anand’s Software Engineer son Pranav and Fashion Designer daughter Deeksha were not surprised to see Burqa clad ‘aunt’ Shaheen walking from the front big golden gate of their exalted-house Bhairvi- Villa at 4.30 in the morning. When she passed through the guard post, both of them respectfully bade –‘Good morning aunt’.
‘Good morning both of you, going for a walk? She asked.
‘Yes aunt, coming back soon, will no go far- Deeksha replied.
‘o. k come and join tea.’
‘o .k aunt.’
She was by now became familiar to everyone in the house but made her respectable position in their hearts also.Pranav and Deeksha also knowing her background since the time of her first visit with the Pakistan team when Anand was a senior officer in Anti-Terrorist Squad.They were also aware of the tragic death of Ahsas killed by Anand and the whole story behind that…The unfortunate suicide of their mother Bhairvi in utter suspicion as everything was made clear to them by his bold and transparent father Anand.Even the coming back of Shaheen in his life was not from back door and they as educated young boy and girl understood the entire situation in the right perspective…Rather both of them encouraged Shaheen aunt to come close and help in healing the broken heart of her old love. And great father Anandl.It was an extra-ordinary situation of ‘Paradise lost and Paradise regained.’
They used to go to the same park with their mother Bhairvi (late) who developed asthma during her middle age. At that time he was not a minister but due to his close contacts in the high circle the condition of Park improved a lot. Bhairvi took special interest in horticulture and floriculture and got number of variety of ornamental plants and flowers for the Park.As their house situated just opposite the front gate of park. Before the modernization of Delhi this area was a park and a deserted Bhoot Banglow was purchased by Anand which was being used as the coal depot for Railways.It was very soon renovated once Anand shifted here with Bhairvi and the whole money came from some well wisher whom Anand helped in getting a party ticket for M.P seat for one of the important constituency of Rajasthan.It was a very lucky deal after marrying Bhairvi and by shifting here, Anand elevated his political ladders vary fast. But after her death the public garden and their house looked deserted. The varnish paints of windows, doors, palmate and entire woodwork peeled. The central wrought iron park statue got knocked down and the main gate also was imbalanced and pulled off its hinges. The house became lifeless. The wide straight entrance with trees on both sides and the vast house looked lurched for a long time and Anand also shifted his family to government accommodation in Ramkrisna Puram.
Shaheen’s regular visits from Pakistan and meeting with Anand even after the death of Bhairvi made it clear with everybody that both of them were feeling the heat of emotions. their body language also expressed that affininty.On one side she was at the apex of her fight (Ensui) against her so called present husband Asad on the other side even the God could not divert and changed her heart (Porsui) from her old first love, Anand.She remembered to have read ‘Once Around the Sun’… In every age ‘the good days were a myth’.Anand was also destined to revive his past and to him Rudyard Kipling was showing the way-‘ They shut the road through the woods…years ago,Weather and rains have undone it again,And now you would never know..There was once a road through the roads.’
Perhaps Anand and Shaheen both were in search of their old clothes, forgotten in the wardrobe of their minds…but their minds are like parachutes and they only function when open.
Their parachutes now seemed to have opened at long awaited right time…and today was that special day Today’s meeting was a very special in their life.It was Ramadan’s time and Shaheen’s first ‘Roja Iftar’ party.Talk of the town. Breaking news.The most celebrated new lunerday for ‘momins’ world over.Shaheen was also a great believer of the Almighty and by his blessings she was sustaining her 30 days un-interrupted fast, in the month of Ramadan.It was breaking her last Friday roza at the niche of her old love Anand.There was a massive gathering and fanfare and Bhairvi-Villa wore its old time glory. The venue was the private home of Anand.
Actually it were Anand’s son and daughter who made her dream come true and that too on the auspicious occasion and such a large scale. Only yesterday when she entered this house and waited for Pranav and Deeksha at morning tea-time, she narrated them about her dream which she had seen two nights earlier and remembered each and every part of that as if everything happened before her eyes.Anand also joined the team. It was quite fascinating to all of them…In an old deserted big house and an old well from that well some very old man with long white bearded was pulling out water in a bucket. Moon alighted from sky and lot of unknown faces came out of clouds…In that house many persons were locked as prisoners…They were all hungry and thirsty.Anand and Shaheen also locked in the dark portion and then there was a cry of some lady .The lock was broken by violent people and that lady was attempted to rape…She was a nurse attending to the inmates…Everybody seemed helpless there but then Anand came out breaking the prison. He fought aggressively with the violent mob and rescued that nurse from the clutches of hoolgoonists…gave water to thirsty people and then the whole seen converted into a lush-green garden where the people were flying kites,enjoying feasts and family get-together.
Was that dream related to ‘Ramzan’ somewhere, and my feeling of insecurity-Shaheen wanted to know the interpretation of her dream.
‘And who was the Nurse? Definitely my mother’Pranav became more concerned and serious.
‘And to my little idea, the deserted place is our old ‘Bhirvi-Villa, which is left abondened-Anand also shared the spirit of Shaheen’s dream.
‘But what you feel all about?’ He asked her.
‘I could not sleep in the last two days. It was disturbing to me so I came here. I am sure, the thirsty and hungry people symbolize the strife and struggle of people fighting for justice’Shaheen was emotional.
On hearing that, suddenly, Deeksha jumped to conclusion-‘Can’t we all contribute in making this dream a reality? At least its Ramzan part! Celebration!! We will make fantastic elaborate arrangement in this old house.
For a moment …pin drop silence but then Pranav excitedly cried, waving his body and dancing-It is done…Any objection Shaheen Aunt?
‘It will be an ambition of a frog lustful for a lily pad’- Shahee expressed her inner fear.
‘No Aunt…It will be a Kaba in Kasi’-The inner voice of Pranav made a crystal clear point of new faith in life. They did not ask for the permission of their Papa…He was silent and calm! And by the grace of God ‘Bhairvi-Villa’ became the vanue of fourth friday Iftar Party.The ever first party thrown by Shaeen in India and that too with a mass gathering of prominent politicians,Diplomats,Writers and Artists, Social Workers and no doubt religious leaders of capital.Some close relatives of Anand’s side also attended the party.
The party was a big fun and a socio- religious event in Shaheen’s life. Anand’s home was open to everybody today and Shaheen made an arrangement of traditional lunch of biryani, shami kebab, sheer korma, pure badaam haua and dahi wadas were being cooked by experts.It was a great eating out for lot of muslim friends of Anand at Iftari.Lot of his friends did not take even a drop of water before they opened their fast.It was a family affair for many. They had their prayer before the party. There was a separate arrangement for vegetarians and for that Shaheen gave special instructios to cooks.Deeksha and Pranav received the guests with their Papa Anand.
The first guest appeared on the gate was the great bare foot Artist who was also a very close friend of Shaheen.He came from Santa-cruez Airport directly.That was his first public exposure after he remained in self-styled exile in Dubai.He straight away entered the kitchen and demanded some freash fruit juice. As an old man he was not a rozedar, keeping fast but had lot of ‘historic Iftar’ parties in his mind.He some how known the importance of Shaheen in the changing political scenario and fortunately was in the capital when she wanted to contact him in his Bombay phone.The moment he came out he was surrounded by lot of known and unknown friends but he never broke his silence and remained busy talking about his latest projects with his foreign friends. The party was in boon when the Ex P.M of Anand’s political party entered .She saw him for the first time.She went close to him and touched his feet. Got a warm blessing.The Artist also greeted him. They sat togather.In the running reference Ex P.M was interested to know the background of Shaheen’s relations with him.
‘I met her in hotel Rambagh Palace in Jaipur and had seen few original copies from Shahanama series of Paintings with her’- He told.
‘To aap dono purane papee hain (So both of you are old sinners)-‘Ex P.M made a comment. He was in joking mood.The P.M in making was standing with his stout and alert posture.Both of them were heavy weight champions of Indian politics.The Ex.P.M was Bhism Pitamah.He was in large shape and did not move after he settled. His car drove him upto his couch and all durries and other interfering articles were removed from the passage and then again re-arranged. He left only after 15 minutes and did not take anything but ‘Pindkhajoor’… bessing everybody waving his slow motion hand and the entire drama of his arrival and departure was -enacted smoothly certainly disturbing others a bit.
There were whispers, talks on politics, religion, terrorism, inflation, rapes and murders in posh colonies. Deteriorating law and order in the country, blasts in Jaipur, Ahemadabad, Delhi after Mumbai and Benglore,art literature ,fashion in different groups with lot of ‘mirh-masala’…but all within limits.No distance hearing or learning.The words loosing meaning…pure gossiping. no serious business.Still young looking gorgeous ‘Arabian face’ with beautiful ‘jheel si neelee aankhain’the centre of everyone attraction, Shaheen might needed to accept her hospitality then and there.Because beyond the fancy big gate of Bhairvi –Villa it was she who was greeting and being greeted as a new citizen of India at the grand celebration of Ramzan…and no doubt in his elegant blue long kurta, golden framed catching eyes,Anand was looking beyond everything. He was thinking about the time…it was not changing but moving…not in progressive direction but in a circle…
‘I can probably get you something’-Shaheen in her leisure moment asked him.
‘You have given me your today.’Anand replied.
They looked at each other with a different gaze and smiled.
She had broken her fast taking one khajoor and a glass of neemboo-pani and then joined others. Had also sent food to orphanages; Lepers Homes, the old age homes and the masjid. People from all walks of life made good gathering. Anand’s Hindu; Catholic, Parsi and other ethnic groups created all-togather a different impression of Anand’s emerging new role in Indian politics. No doubt the real force, spirit and imagination behind all that was Shaheen
She remained with the guests, did not enter the house till the last man was served humbly.
. The successful culmination of Iftar Party was a great relief and indemnity to Shaheen after years of callous suffering. The life was never frolicsome to her and she was always in fringe and frippery.
The cloudy days of her life seemed to have ended and coming back of Anand to her life was the real gift of this Ramzan for Shaheen.Rather a miracle.She received Kudos for this act, even from her friends from Pakistan.


64/BEING A SHOULDER TO CRY ON
ID Mubarik….!It was a chivalrous day of her life as she was actualed by no unworthy motives.But still she badly needed a soulder to cry on.Anand had woncerful traits and abilities of a mentor.He helped her out and out.Shaheen was not that girl of school time who boldly responded to the call of her lover and wrote three words’ I Love You’ on the same paper which was blank and thrown for her by Anand ,She was not that young college girl who gave everything to her lover,breaking all barriers of caste and religion and became the virgin mother. At time she had the adventure to fly in high skies like…courage of …. To swim acrss the high and low strams and tides.But all through years, the ship she saled did not reach to any destination. Her ship of life could not find its own native land and her journeys remined scary-sally rides….
She was fortunate enough,even at the time of her twilight, she met the mentor….as if from her remotest past, when her boat of life was drowning, some unimaginable hand pulled her boat on the shore.It was not a hand of compassion but of grace .not a hand of indulgence but love…her lost love….not a myth but reality.That refreshind and helping hand saved her from huge fall-out of her life.That hand forestalled the loss of self-esteem that plagued her past life.She revived a wellspring of strength in herself.
Far down the Yamuna river, till the end of south of Delhi the entire area was washed by the stong winds of showers that was not stopping since the last night of Ramzan. The old and the new city stood on the edge of the flooding water which was not showing any sign of receding due to non-stop rains.The life was paralysed and it was now evening when moon seemed hanging between light and darkness.
Then suddenly the rain stopped, clouds disappeared and at this juncture when it was neither night nor evening, ‘Anna- Godhauli bela ‘two chariots were coming from different directions, one from east another from the west. One man and another woman were occupying their respective chariots…They were running in full speed in the opposite direction as if they wanted to meet as soon as possible….
At the same time Maheshwar was returning from Lanka to his own abode on Kailash, with his cosorteum Uma in his arms.As they were going from the sky, Uma out of curiosity asked lord Shiv-My dear lord, can you look little below and tell me, in the play of light and darkness why these two chariots are running so fast and who are these two mortal being?
Maheshwar knowing the truth, said to his beloved: if you really want to see the truth and enjoy it, let us go down.
And in the fraction of a second one of the chariots lost his horse and the other having his chariot burnt through the out break of fire when the chariot reached the nearby deserted temple where they were putting up for the night….then there was an interesting turning point: The irony of fate had thrown them togather by some bang,these dwellers of two different territories, religion and culture, covered by dust and mist of years of wars ,hatred and separation,brought them at this point.The horses that were left harnessed to the remaining chariot and the both persons persued their journey together to their mutual advantage
Parallely the traffic of Delhi was also held up, many cars and auto rickshaw sub-merged and red alert was declared in that low-lying area.Water had also entered in Bhairvi –Villa and for safty meausures Anand shifted his children to the Rampuram government accommodation.He was with Shaheen in Rajasthan House…This place always gave him a feeling as if he is in his home.
They had also decided to meet at Gupha Mandir in the evening.
Both of them had to reach old ‘Gupha Mandir’ temple of south Delhi Kalkaji Aarea where Anand’s children Pranav and Deeksha were anxiously waiting for them.The water logging and heavy rainfall created problems for both the parties to meet at the temple at the scheduled time. Any way they joined.
It was a special day for all of them.
The count down begain.Shaheen was in bright blue ghaghara and Loogadi and beautifully embroidered Dupatta.Anand was in normal khadi-silk Kurta and Payjama.Pranav and Deeksha were happy.Ring of pleasure broke in everybody’s mind when they entered in the Gupha Mandir and in the very simple way Shaheen first garlanded Anand ….in the dead silence there was absolutely nothing heard but the faint clash of her golden ankles she moved round slowly with little hesitating feet…that tread as it were on evrybody’s heart…mood half of shyness half compounded of proud…an atmosphere of paradoxical fascination…formed of the rival fragranceces of sandal and calotropis…translated into language of soul and then he garlanded her...Then he put …..sindoor…….Mangalsutra…..with a little pout she put it around her neck…for a momemt they both gazed each other in silence before the deity of Gupha Mandir. Shaheen felt from the feathoms of her heart of the mercy almighty showered on her and made Anand the medium…No Maulvi.no kaji, no pandit….No mantras or havan only two hearts witnessed all this.
The kind flower….the ‘Purush’ bloomed in the heavenly breeze and pleasingly offered it’s syrup for the bee (Prakriti). The moon krept rolling in slow motion up and up the sky and little by little the deep dark shadows stole out stelthily
‘ O my lord,please tell me what all this is going on.If I am not wrong , I am feeling a sort of similarity in the chariot fellows and the other married in the temple without any orthodoxy.’
‘Dear Uma, you are absolutely correct.’They look and also act differently as they are covered by my Maya.’ Maheshwar told her…and then continued, in ‘Laukik Nyaya’this sort of happenings is covered under ‘Nastaswadagdharathh nyaya.’and after a brief smile,the lord of the cosmos told his beloved-‘ Let us bless this couple for their happy prospective married life…the deserted soul Shaheen is none else but your own image and Anand your own lord shiva in making’
Doubtlessly both of them were blessed…
As they (Shiv and Shiva ) passed, there fell a ‘Bandhook’flower from her plait of hairs….this flower led at Shaheen’s feet….as a suppliant for her protection to save innocence, keeping evils from their life.


65/CALL FROM HIS GURU
Perhaps the nature was playing its game effortlessly…with carefreeness, harmony binding the forces of love. There was a call from Tihar Jail... The voice was not only familiar to Anand… but again, with a spell-bound thrilling experience, he heard the voice- ‘Dear Anand God bless you. I am your Guru’.The present govt. has fallen ...The saffron People’s Party and National Alliance Party and its factions will again take over as the new government and will take oath shortly ... Later the search for the post of President will also be over as you will be the ultimate choice for that coveted position. ‘You are blessed by goddess Raj Rajeswari Tripura Sundari…Now you are free from the clutches of Maya.Your ignorance and illusions are dispelled at the moment.You are chosen for the big role…That will be the end of the hidden eclipse in your life.
‘Anand, you are going to be the new President of the biggest democracy of world.The highest pinnacle of fame and glory. There will be your close friend Divine in the fray for a short time…She will withdraw her candidature in your favor.’
The ring of telephone faded away.... but within seconds there was light in the room. That was no ordinary light... There was someone …Oh....the same person Mr.Dave. He was Gurudev , standing before his eyes .......in a halo ......of deep saffron color ....It was a wonderful form he had never seen before...Anand rejoiced again and again… the halo faded away .......The voice still remained with these wards : God bless you ! Anand opened his eyes, wide open. The guard came rushing from the main gate. A bunch of news papers in his hands......He was in full excitement...
"Sir, today’s news.......old govt. gone...The induction of new People’s Party and National Alliance Party government and election of the President in prospect..
The head lines carried news items.
NEW PEOPLE’S PARTY TO FORM GOVERNMENT.ANAND OUR NEW PRESIDENT….!
DIVINE FERNANDES WITHDRAWS HER NOMINATION
.AFTER MISSILE MAN NOW ENCOUTER SPECIALIST…
TERROR FOR TERRORIST…COUNTDOWN AGAINST TERRORIST BEGINS …
‘After the People’s Party and factions take over as the new government, search for new President also begun… the prospective candidate will be Mr. Anand Sharma -the Encounter- Specialist.’ The News papers headlines were full of praise for him.
"Shaheen your Pagaphero" (step into house) is a good omen.Anand was murmuring these words within his lips. His lips were in sensation. His voice was not heard. His eyes were still blinking in the memory of Bhairvi. His...his lost love! Few drops of tears fell from Anand's warm eyes.
Anand and Shaheen were silent for some time. Then all of a sudden Anand thought of Barod. The place of Miracle, where Vani Pandit Mr. Goverdhan Sharma predicted about fast changes in his life...He will be attaining the highest position ... of his country.....at that time, Anand could not understand the reality behind the voice of Vani Pandit ..He also thought at that time, that the highest position of the country was the post of President. But he did not feel it better to ask further questions ...It was his second visit to Barod...and now the things were becoming clear... There was a wireless message from, Vani Pandit from Barod. ‘I am Anand sir, Ex HomeMinister.’ Anand told Vani Pandit
‘I am congratulating you…Anand Saheb,
‘Thank you, Panditji .....The time is still ahead.....!
‘That is for you and others.....Everything is already settled in the ethereal world..... V.P. explained.
‘Any service for me..... Sir’, Anand asked very politely.
‘You'll meet your Guru again in Agra on the bank of Yamuna River. Start today with Shaheen. ... She will play important role in your life now... but time is very short.... you have to meet your Guru now.... don't delay. God bless you Anand…And the wireless communication stopped. There was no disturbance, no interruption.... Everything was crystal clear.......! Another Miracle in his life...... Vani Pandit knew everything about his past, present & future life.......But before Anand could think of any thing else..... Shaheen came in the wireless room... She was looking excited.
‘Anand’ my uncle from Jaipur has come.....he is waiting for me in the guest house with his wife and kids. I couldn’t tell you, we had a program of going to Agra to see Taj...... only this morning.I called them here-.She told
‘Seeing Taj?’ Anand was astonished!
‘Yes, Taj, what happened, Are you also interested to come?’ Shaheen asked.’ I don’t think you can make it in your hectic political activities.’
‘Yes, we both are going..... I have to meet my Guru there.’
‘You’re Guru at Taj?
’‘Yes, at the bank of Yamuna river ....Anand told very firmly. He was really under some special spiritual powers. Everything would be so easy, he never thought of it
In Agra they all met at Taj…as if the heaven had desceded on Earth. On the most serene full blue moon night of ‘Sharad Poonam ‘ Anand, Mr. A.N. Dave, Jailor Tihar, Shaheen with her relatives from Jaipur and three more persons. Sonal with Nandu Maharaj (Sonal was improving now, although their Agra visit was not showing this) and last but not least… Divine. She was here with Afro-Asian Speakers delegation but met Anand, just incidentally!
Their meeting at Taj was a miracle.How something absolutely imposible had happened.As if what Anand had seen was a dream, and not a reality…but he also knew it was a reality. Was it not MAYA? First time in his life he practically realized what MAYA could be then he laughed at himself. Can MAYA be realized….? Only Satya (truth is to be ralised.)
When he looked at Gurudev for answer, he was smiling. Perhaps he was the creator of this event He made things happen. Otherwise, how that all could happen?At one stroke Simultaneously. Every thing in relativity as if presented to him in a salver. He thought about Shaeen, few days’ back she was in Pakasthan today with him. How fast time changed after she met him.After a long gap suddenly after the oath taking ceromany in Home Minitry, when he returned from the Rashtrapati Bhawan
Guredev had already predicted about that meeting well in advance. It came to Anand's mind as flash then his thought vanished. The thought replaced another thought; he never thought about Sonal. Only few minutes back they all had a group photograph by poloroid camera. Another thought struck his mind. The camera beloged to Ahasas it was his last memory. As if Ahasas was present with them in the form of a non living entity: The poloroid camera with instant results. Then with NM the most difficult situation in his life he had to face it too. Every thing well documented before his eyes no slip ways, no excuse, no questions, and no doubt.but absolute. When Anand’s Gurudev blessed Shaheen as the ‘first lady of India’, everybody was surprised as his Gupha Mandir affair was not made public yet. She touched Gurudev feet.As if everything was pre-destined..... They had a good group photograph.Taj Mahel in the background. And in that photograph one person was missing...She was Bhairvi.
Anand did not reveal anything to Shaeen about Sonal. But her sudden presence and critical health condition made him deeply disturbed.The pathetic part of Sonal’s life was her gross loss of memory. She even could not recognize him and only stared at him. As a silent observer.But N.M told him, she was improving after treatment. They were in Agra for further consultation with another Doctor of Psychiatry.They were coming from Menhdipur Balaji after some occult treatment.All these information were new for Anand.All this made him worried.
‘Anand, you look very much worried about Sonal, but my son everything is pre-destined.The trouble is not yet over… Gurudev thought about the worst part of this relation .Again it was a part of destiny which was to take shape just after few minutes.Gurudev was standing close to Shaheen and Anand was very emotional…He was thinking about Gurudev’s words…’The trouble is not yet over’.. what all that meant ?...Sonal and N.M had to meet the doctor.Anand called on the driver of his car and instructed him to escort Sonal and N.M to whatever place they wanted to visit in Agra and after that attend to them at hotel Taj in evening.
Gurudev left all four of them to face the devil still alive on earth.
The evil was to be confronted as a personal reality. In the biblical context-‘Enemy of the faith, foe to the human race, producer of death,destroyer of justice,root of evil,kindler of vices,seducer of men…was again still going to play the heinous role .The evil had no boundaries.It was a devils day for….
And the moment Sonal, her husband settled in Anand’s car and the driver inserted the key to start the car there was a big explosion in the car and within fraction of second the body of Sonal, her husband and driver drenched in pool of blood and died on the spot…just at the exit point near the proposed Taj-corrider, where the car was parked. A nearby autoriksha was used for this high intensity bomb blast…Actually the motif behind this blast was to kill Anand whose car was identified by the terrorist…but he was lucky enough to have been saved by this blast and unfortunately nature played another game and made Sonal ,her husband and the driver the victim of death
Anand courageously rushed to the spot which was covered by thick clouds of dust, smoke, debris and shattered glass panes it was a ghasty sight.He felt for a moment as if his spine is forcefully removed fron his body.It was a total black-out and vacuum in his nerves.
Actually the motif behind the blast was to kill him who was in the hit list of terrorists but the last minute change of his program took life of three other innocent persons.Anand’s handing over the key to driver for taking his guests to different locations fell on them as death penalty.,leaving a tragedy in its trail.
‘Anand, I knew this ought to happen, that’s why you gave the key of your car to driver. Your sins had ripened.It was a forest. Not a tree. You are at the end of darker desires.This retreat from negative past and the spiritual warfare is started in your life. Major ‘Tamas’ part of your life is ending.Now you have to enter another phase of life. Be prepared for that.Goddess will bless you…’Again the voice…Only voice.
Whose voice was this? There was nobody here but some ray of light was coming from the cloud and the dust…..
He left the spot, no less than the hell, dispelling the darkness.Shaheen joined him.
After the clouds and dust and blood, politicians mouthing their absurd jargons, media-crows joined one more super of Satan…The blood rituals.


66 / VIRTUAL REALITY

The sudden and vindictive attack designed by terrorists to kill Anand triggered Sonal an innocent but halarious lady. It was very unfortunate on the part of Anand.The call of death had come and gone so quickly, he did not know much more than he knew efore. Anand knew the value and pride of the loser.The good and bad timings of their companionship and fellow-travelling but he witnessed the end of this relationship like a cold observer, as his Guru was before this event.Still after the happening, the bout of the unpleasant act and pangs his lost luv made him perturbed beyond imagination.The volaticity and tenderness of this friendship with Sonal made Anand emotionally heart and out of bounds.
For one moment Anand failed to navigate his ship of life and felt as if it was sinking on the fag end of sea.His destiny was taking him towarsd lands of deads...Bhaivari already commited suicide and another hailstorm of his beloved Sonal made him loopy.He could not be mere onlooker to what was happening around.He was seized by an onrush of nerves.His past present and future screen of life and melting time became a virtual reality show...But in his memories Sonal became a relic.


68/ NO MIRACLE!

And just after next few day of the blood- ritual and induction of his party’s government in the centre, Anand became the President of The biggest democracy of the world! He took oath from the old President in Parliament, drove straight to Raisina Hills by open car and there after was escorted to Rashtrapati Bhawan by traditonal two-horse driven carriage in a grand procession where guard of honor by all the three forces was given to the new President of the nation.
In a very short time Anand, now President of India formally married burqua woman Shaheen. The marriage was simple.It brought new cheers in their life.Shaheen was far too fortunate to have become the first lady of the nation.
There was a little change in the set-up of their bedroom in Rashtrapati-Bhavan.On it’s white wall a big-size Photograph of Ahsas was put. Just opposite to this wall was hanging one rare copy of ‘Rostem and Sohrab’; from Shahnama paintings depicting the scene from the Persian epic of tenth centuary,Rostem taking life of his own longlost son Sohrab in the battle field.The entire series was presented to Anand by his wife Shaheen . .
Anand and Shaheen both sat before the photo for some time and paid homage to their Pak Terrorist son whom Anand killed in the encounter.Both were in their restrained sense keeping themselves under ful control…their consciousness fixed in some supreme being…As if it was a cosmic journey and they were travelers…transient as autumn clouds…their state of being was no more than a flash…still it was worthwhile.
The life and time of Shaheen and Anand transformed completely as if both of them were purified of sinful actions, as if they took new birth on the pious, heavenly planet of Indra.Shaheen, ignorant and careless of all that was occuring in the ugly world which she already left and thrown away like a blade of grass, and utterly forgotten.She was now feeling herself like a blotless moon , attained emancipation in her true husband Anand.And for his part Anand having lit upon the very wife of his previous birth,his soul mate. She was incredibly compatible.Perhaps both of them rediscovered a yearning for a deep love that is compassionate, kind, forgiving and tolerant.
There was oneness in both of them.It was like two birds, as mentioned in the Mundaka Upanishad, perched on the self same tree, intimate friends, the ego and the self dwell in the same body. The former eating the sweet and the sour fruits of the tree of life, while the later looks on in detachment….in Anand’s life sex and love could mean these two different birds, Both had abandoned their different religions and just surrendered to one supreme being fearlessly and without hesitation and worries, like son and daughter in the lap of mother.
In that ecstacy of re-union after crossing over seas of separation, surmounting all the peril of irrational society,Anand told Shaheen-'' Dear Shaheen,I want to share one thing with you and I am hopeful you will approave of it ?''
''What is that Anand which seeks my approaval-'' Shaheen asked him.''You are the supremo of our democracy now, she smiled.
'' And you are the first lady of this nation.''
'' My dear Anand, then please tell me what approaval you want from me? The first lady asked politely.
'' I want to erect a temple in Ayodhya.'' Anand expressed silently.
'' Again a temple...You mean Ram Mandir? She asked seriously.
'' No dear a human temple, free from all the bias of caste colour or religions, in the memory of Ahsas (then laughingly) as a symbol to end the discord.That discord is growing like a kalkoot poison in the veins of every citizen of this country.
'' Oh that's a great idea.'' I am jelous of you Anand ''. Shaheen was excited.
''So you distrust me without its evidence?'' Anand asked her with a smile.
'' I trust you absolutely.' You are a noble soul.'' Although you must know good queen never trust anyone at all...MAUVAISE ESPECE DE FEMME!
'' But I also know you are beneath my every emotion.'' Anand assured himself.
It was dawn after the full moon. Both of them looked down from the balcony of Rashtrapati Bhawan.Anand’s son and daughter from Bhairvi enjoyed gardening with the old gardener of Mughal Garden.
They suggested a new name to the latest variety of blue rose and the name ‘Bhairvi’ was sent for approval (nomenclature) of International Rose Society
There were also some changes, worth mentioninsg ,outside the Rashtrapati Bhawan…Divine left politics after winning case against rapist Robin and she became a disciple of Gurudev…She left for Himalayas to live in some remote Ashram for her spiritual upliftment. Chisti and Umesh Panjabi of Ajmer Sex-racket were sent for life imprisonment in Tihar Jail and Neena was offered a good job in Police. Besides that everything was normal. As President of his country Anand met no miracle. …………END OF THE NOVEL

THE END 0F THE NOVEL –ALL THE BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTERS OF MARA/no of pages/270-/ A Novel IN TRILOGY THE FIRST PART IS ''ALL THE.....'' by Ashok Aatreya /Email,ashok aatreya@rediff mail.com----Permanent postaladdress/D-38- DEV NAGAR TONK ROAD JAIPUR/ PHONE OI41- 2707555. MOBILE -9828402226.


Preface

----------------------------ABOUT THE NOVEL-(ABDOM)----------------------------------------

A novel focussing a free-floating, adolescent and young passionate lover Anand, a brilliant crecketor, seduce his childhood Moslem friend Shaheen who becomes pregnant from him.Their inter-religion background in the orthdox society, become a threat to the society and they separate under abnormal circumstances.
Later Shaheen comes in touch with a progressive looking Moslem young intellectual of Pakistan, who accepts her even in her state of pregnancy. Actually he is deeply impressed by her unparrelel beauty.
Anand confronts another gorgeous married lady Sonal and develops carnal relations but has to leave his city because of pressures and comes to Bombay.He complets his diploma from J.J.School of Arts…broadens his contacts as a creative artist and Art-critic. He comes back to his state and joins as Art teacher in the tribal area of Uaipur, where his Maternal Uncle had fought a struggle against Britishers… There he meets another nurse Bhairvi from Bhopal and ultimately marries her. In the same city of Nababs where he goes for his marriage negotiations with the parents of Bhairvi, he is lustfully involved with another glam friend of Bhairvi, Divine, who again steals his heart. Like this Anand encounters four ‘beautiful daughters of Mara’ (With special referenceto the life of Gautam Buddha) in his life and is connected to this material world to different karmic-phases by his modus- operendi.
As Anand comes from a feudal family, completely transformed by the new changes in values and life styles , he willingly or unwillingly accept life as it is and very rarely opposes any anti-force accept in one or two occasions and enjoys thoroughly the free streams of life…Coming from a small city of Bikampur as a Cricketor and hobby-shooter. He seeks different jobs as Teacher, Journalist, Social Worker as any ordinary citizen of this country could attain, but his life takes a sharp turn when he fortunately meets Ms Mira Gandhi ,the legendry Prime Minister of India on a pavement of Ravindra Bhavan during post emergency days and after this meeting he comes close to herin the changing scenario also enters politics, becomes Central- Minister and ultimately occupies the most coveted supreme post of President of India.During the developmental Encounter Secialist in Anti-Terrorist Squad…Anand does not see back after this . In phase of the theme the novel passes through varied realistic events and surrealistic sequences. Even in creating fantasies mixed with ideas and thoughts, synergiging parralel inbuild transitory stories and characters to boost the underlying currents, the novel brings forth the most vital central character of the Jailor (Guru) of Tihar who only appears in the beginning and end of the novel but even his ‘absentia’ controls and regulate the streams of the novel. Anand’s kows about his previous births and his destiny is also guided and decided by some mystical forces which he experiences from time to time.In novel’s natural flow Anand-also meets Vani- Pandit .not an ordinary astrologer or forecaster but a living miracal on earth. He also predicts certain strange events about his life.At the time of his induction in Home- Ministry Anand again meets Shaheen his old love and they share the emotional feelings of killing of their terrorist son in the encounter.The killer is nobody but the officer of Anti- Terrorist Squad Anand .Sonal and Divine are his passionate lovers born of Anand’s-unlimited desires and longings with whom he is bound to carnal and fruitive acivities. Bhairvi becomes his life partener but she commits suicide because of her baseless desperate doubts that his husband Anand still continuing his relations with his first- love Shaheen who returns from Pakistan.The subsequent loss and retribution gives Anand an intense emotional set back On the other hand Sonal is admitted in mental hospital after An and leaves her due to changed circumstances…still Anand meets her docter and helps in the treatment. Divine being a close friend of his ex-wife still remain in touch with Anand .She also knows about his Guru and after serving as a social worker comes to politics.She also become the contestant of Presidential post against Anand but lator withdrws her nomination and finally finds great satisfaction and is blessed by divine opulence of Guru ,gets new direction and enlightenment in life .On this juncture Shaheen gets citizenship of India , weds Anand and becomes the first lady of nation .---As President of the biggest democracy of world Anand meets no miracle-/
THE END OF THE NOVEL/


As if the entire city became a huge cloud of vibrant colours, splashes of water ....She shrank from the glance that he cast upon, exactly as if he had struck her in the face with his clenched hand. And she suddenly turned pale, as if the very floor she stood was leaving its space .All atonce she fell forward, and remained, crouching with her face upon her hands, like famine incarnation of Rati...But before her eye's there was a solid man,in the line of homo sapion standing erects strongly over the mythological lord turn to
ashes .
Those days reminded him of the most henious crime the entire humanity and global community evert thought of, In the late evening the engine steamed off, Sneezing soft and hard puffs emitting deep brown and black thick rings of smoke mixed hard-cock dust and minute particles dancing sparks in zigzag directions sometimes diverting routs due to pressure of polluted air forcefully attacking directly deep in the eye's of travelers sitting close to half open and half closed wooden windows of almost broken panes in the compartments also partly piercing the blue sky taking a horse-shoe turn over it's rolling wheels changing meter-gauge with one or two odd jumps left-right jerks and typical metal sound in slow and ultimately fast motion finally settling men women children their bags and baggage in the third class passenger boggy the train left the age old Bikampur station. ''My dear mother, I want the moon-toy'.' An innocent, child like demand was made by no ordinary kid but by a future lord of this Universe, the incarnation of Vishnu. As a matter of fact the entire universe was actually a toy to him...all the heavenly bodies like Sun, Moon and the rest of cosmos were not separate parts but embodied in his existence...but since this miraculous child had to perform a stage -show in the cradle of a new civilization, he made his foster mother Yasoda happy in his all time curious activities. The innocent mother under the guise of Maya..(in state of to-be-or not to-be ) in all such occasions realized and enjoyed the 'false' glory of life the fascinating charm and pleasure of being a mother of such a wonderful child. Perhaps she was given the compensating reward for upbringing of the lord Krishna...as a worldly person, fully engased in the transcendental loving service of supreme-god...In another word in this gratification or fruitive activity she was being elevated to the top rung of yoga ladder as part of her selfless gain...as the outcome of her award of some good acts of her past birth...Queen Kausalya ,the mother of lord Ram was another example of linking with the supreme in the age of''Dwaaper'.'..As very well illustrated in the Dhyan-Yog of Bhagawat -Gita,..''aruruksor muner yogam karma karnamuchute,yogarudhasya tasyaiva saah karanmuchyte''By his divine grace A.C. Bhativedanta Swami Prabhupad,the world's foremost Vedic scholar, has conveyd profound message of Gita as it is..''.The pupose of linking oneself with the supreme is called yoga. It may be compared to a ladder for attaining the topmost spiritual realization. This ladder begins from the lowest material condition of the living entrity and rises upto the perfect self-realization in pure spiritual life................material activity.''
In the above context I have very humbly expressed that Yasoda being a mortal mother was certainly did not attain that supreme position of a karmayogi and hence was spell-


Anand was still in his tears.

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 17.03.2010

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