Gordon Tenner closed the computer and tidied his desk before leaving.
Another boring and uneventful day was over.
He left the office building and walked slowly towards the park. He was in no hurry; nobody was waiting for him anyway.

After a short lived marriage and the divorce, his ex-wife moved to Florida taking their baby boy with her.
He was seventeen now and Gordon rarely saw him.
His wife had given up on him, so she said the morning she left. She was tired of his lack of drive. Drive for position, money and yes, lack of drive for sex.
Everything about and around him was grey and she wanted a life. A real life, she said before getting into the taxi and driving away from him.

After his wife left, Gordon left everything as it was. The bedroom, his son’s room, the living room and the tiny kitchen, all was today as it had been since he brought her for the first time after their wedding.
He understood his wife leaving him. He admitted to himself he had no drive, no need for more.
The tiny apartment was enough and the sparse furniture was enough too. He had a job that put food on the table and paid the rent. What else could he want? What was he supposed to look for? He didn’t dream of a mansion with a chauffer driven Cadillac.
Those things were not for the likes of him. He was Gordon Tenner, bookkeeper, born to lower middle class parents. Never had much of anything and never longed for more.
He had one good suit for special occasions and the rest of his wardrobe was a few pants, a few shirts, an overcoat, a raincoat and three sweaters.
Why would he need more? He could only wear one outfit at the time. His ex-wife could not come to terms with it; she thought both of them needed more of everything.
Gordon had two good friends and he didn’t need more. His ex-wife could not understand it, she needed many friends around.
So, one day she gave up on him and left with their son.
Gordon accepted it and went on doing what he was good at: bookkeeping and surviving.

Gordon crossed the street and entered the park.
Everyday after work on his way home he would cross the park, buy some peanuts from the Italian man with the little cart and sit on a bench for while and try to attract the squirrels to come take the peanuts from his hand.


That day, Gordon approached the cart, bought the peanuts and sat down to feed the squirrels.
His eyes fell on a woman sitting on a bench across him. She was feeding the birds from a paper bag in her lap.
Something about her caught Gordon’s attention. He looked at her covertly. She was maybe fifty or fifty five, about his age.
She had a sad but also strange puzzled look about her. She had mousy brown hair cut to shoulder length. She wore a grey dress and flat brown shoes. Gordon couldn’t see much more from where he was sitting.
Suddenly, he felt the need to have a closer look at her. He thought maybe he could move slowly from one bench to another while pretending to feed the squirrels and get closer to her.
Gordon was considering moving to the next bench when the woman stood and started walking away.
Gordon sat back in the same bench and fed the squirrels until all the peanuts were gone. Then, as always, he crossed the park walking slowly until he got to the exit and from there walked the one block to his apartment.

Once he arrived, Gordon took a shower and wearing a bathrobe went to the kitchen to prepare his dinner.
He opened the refrigerator, looked inside and decided on scrambled eggs and toast.
Coffee would complete the dinner.
He put everything into a tray and took it to the living room. As always, he would watch TV while eating his dinner.
When he finished, he took the tray back to the kitchen, washed the dishes and went to get ready for bed.

Wearing an old pair of pajamas, he got into bed and suddenly, the image of the woman in the park popped into his mind. Gordon held the thought and tried to remember how tall she was. He could not. He went to sleep wondering if he would ever see her again.

For three days Gordon went to the park, bought the peanuts from the cart vendor, fed the squirrels and felt disappointed at not seeing her.
On the fourth day, there she was, sitting on a bench, wearing the same grey dress and the same brown flat shoes. She was feeding the birds from a brown paper bag.

Gordon walked slowly to the bench she was sitting on and sat at the opposite end.
He called the squirrels and she fed the birds.
Gordon looked at her and smiled. He greeted her and she responded but without a smile and continued feeding the birds.
None the less Gordon felt comfortable, as if she was keeping him company.
When the breadcrumbs were finished, the woman got up, brushed the last crumbs, took a small brown worn handbag and started walking away.

Gordon wanted her to stay, he wanted to start a conversation but could not think of what sentence to begin with.
By the time he decided on a basic approach, the woman was already walking away.

For the next two days Gordon went to the park after work but the woman was nowhere to be seen.
He remembered he had waited for three days before seeing her again after the first time. Apparently she did not walk the same way every day.

On Sundays, Gordon did not go to the park. Weekends it became a noisy place with children running and shouting, mothers calling and dog owners being careful big dogs would not try anything nasty on the small breeds.
That Sunday he decided to go to the park and stroll there for a while. The weather was fine and it would be good to stretch his limbs a bit.
While strolling, he noticed the birds and squirrels had taken to the trees, avoiding the hubbub below. Only the pigeons were taking to the paths in the lookout for a handout from the humans. Pigeons are not afraid of them; they are more trustfully than other birds.

Gordon saw the woman standing in front of the bench where she usually sat. It had been taken by a couple of mothers and a few toddlers.
She was looking around, probably trying to find an empty bench.
He walked to her side, said hello and asked if she would like to walk with him for a while since there were no empty benches where to sit.
She looked at him, not sure of what to say. She just nodded and turned to walk.

After a few minutes of complete silence, Gordon presented himself and explained he came to the park every day after work. This Sunday he had decided on a short walk. She said her name was Mary and she worked as a salesperson in a shoe shop at the Mall on the west side of the park.
Twice a week she went to visit an aunt and she came through the park on her way.
Feeding the birds gave her the necessary strength she knew she would need for the visit with her grumpy old aunt.

They reached the park exit and Gordon asked her if she was coming to feed the birds next day. She said she was and they agreed to meet in the afternoon.


Gordon saw Mary sitting on her preferred bench. This time she was wearing a plain green dress. She had the same shoes and bag. A grey overcoat was by her side.
The little brown paper bag with the crumbs for the birds was on her lap.
Gordon felt attracted to the woman, and was surprised at himself. He was not usually attracted to women, at least not after his wife and even after she left.
But Mary had a something about her that drew him, although he could not explain what the something was.
He wanted some time to talk to her so he brought some cookie and bread crumbs from the house and bought the peanuts from the Italian man with the little cart.
After she finished with her bag, he would offer his and that should give him some extra time with her.

Mary and Gordon fed the birds and the squirrels almost in silence. They barely spoke, but Mary smiled at him when he offered the extra bag of crumbs and Gordon felt warmth inside. It was a new feeling; he did not recognize it but liked it very much.
He told her she had a beautiful smile, her eyes came alive when she smiled. Mary thanked him and turned her head to the cluster of birds at her feet. Gordon thought she blushed but could not be sure.

Their meeting at the park became routine and little by little they struck short conversations. These were mostly about birds and squirrels, shoes and bookkeeping.
Gordon looked forward to the two days a week they met. He knew something was happening inside him but could not name it.
At first, he had been happy to see Mary and felt comfortable just sitting there with her, the birds and the squirrels.
One day he surprised himself by being sorry at not seeing her although he was not expecting to. It was not one of the days she went to visit her aunt.
He felt surprised at the longing he felt, he was sure he had never felt that way before.

Next day he met her and decided to chance his luck. He invited her to dinner.
Mary was feeding the birds and when she heard Gordon’s invitation, her hand stopped in midair with the crumbs still on it. The birds flocked to her open hand and to Gordon it looked like a picture of some statue where birds come to rest. Something out of those travels magazines where you are promised to visit paradise.
It took her a long time to reply, she looked at him several times without a saying a word. The bag of crumbs was almost empty when she looked at him once more and said she accepted the invitation.

During dinner at a small Italian restaurant on the east side of the park, Gordon said he was really glad she had accepted the invitation. He had been almost sure she would decline since it had taken so long for her to reply.
Mary admitted she almost declined the invitation, she was not sure it was right to dinner with somebody she barely knew. He pointed out they had some very important things in common: the birds and the squirrels, the bench at the park, the way they kept company to each other without the need for words and he liked her smile very much.
This time he saw her blushing. She didn’t bend her head down fast enough.

After dinner he walked her to her apartment. It was not far away from his and he told her so. She looked at him and smiling, mentioned that it appeared their world was very small and cozy. The shoe shop was not far from his office, his apartment was not far from hers and the park was in the middle of it all. Even her grumpy old aunt was close. Suddenly, they were laughing and feeling very close to each other.
For both it was a warm feeling creeping up from the inside. A part that they had been sure was not there since it had been asleep for a very long time.

Gradually they began to see each other almost every day. Either in the park or for a late evening stroll through the neighborhood, or dinner. Sometimes, Gordon walked to the mall and stood looking at Mary through the window of the shoe shop. She would acknowledge him with a smile and then back she went to her customers.

It was on a very cold evening when they finished dinner and he was walking her home. A gust of wind caused Mary to lose her footing and Gordon held her. He was embracing her and could feel her trembling in his arms. Both stood still, barely breathing, looking at each other, unable to decide what to do next. Mary felt her head spinning, Gordon felt a rush of blood to his temples. Both were feeling they wanted to stay like that for always. He wanted the world to stay still forever in the same position and the same time, never to let go of her.


Mary was surprised and all of a sudden an unknown feeling welled up in her and tears came to her eyes.
She had never had a real boyfriend, boys shunned away from her. She had never been pretty or witty or smart. Boys asked other girls on dates, not her. Her mother died when she was seventeen and she left school to go to work and help her father financially. Her mother had always managed what little money he brought to the household and she always had a dress to sew or a sweater to knit to supplement the income.
When her mother passed away, Mary took care of the house and also helped with the income. Her father simply could not do more than the six hours work as a cutter at the leather factory.
In any case, there wasn’t much of a life for her waiting outside her house or the shoe shop where she started working.
Gordon’s dinner invitation was the first one she received from a man who was not a family member, in fact, Gordon had been her first date and she was fifty six by now.

The weather changed for the worse and it started raining. Still holding her close and determined not to let go, Gordon said his apartment was closer than hers and they could stay there until the rain stopped. She nodded her head and the two started running for the entrance to the apartment block.

Sometimes things happen when you really, but really are not expecting them to. Gordon took her overcoat and hanged it where it would receive the warmth of the stove so it would dry. He told her to make herself comfortable and he was bringing hot tea.
They were sitting side by side, one hand holding the mugs and one hand holding the others.
That is when the lights went out not only on the city but on Gordon and Mary too.
Next morning they were still holding each other tightly. Gordon woke up first and looked at Mary still asleep. He turned to her slowly and just laid there looking at her sleeping, feeling so good inside him he could have shouted it to the whole world.

Mary woke up with a start, she sat in bed and looked at Gordon who was holding her and smiling at her. She remembered and laid her head on his shoulder hugged him tightly and decided that was the best place on earth to be forever.

Without having said it, they both decided they were taking the day off and stay together at Gordon’s apartment. This was a first for both of them – not showing for work. She cooked breakfast and they ate at the tiny kitchen table, holding hands and parting to pick up the fork, kissing over the mugs, sipping and smiling at each other.
They sat on the carpet in front of the stove, hugging, talking and it was almost afternoon when they remembered lunch. This took the form of a pizza ordered from the pizza parlor across the street.
Night came and Mary remembered there was a real world outside. A world she had to return to whether she liked it or not.
Gordon did not want her to go but understood she had to. They would meet after work and stay together. He made her promise she would wait for him to pick her up at the shoe shop and walk with her to wherever she wanted to go.

That day at the office, his colleagues asked him what had changed, what had happened, he looked different, he was wearing an unknown smile and he had even joked with one of the clerks.
Every time someone asked the question, Gordon in turn asked if they had heard about something called puppy love. The answer was always yes and it was for young people, young pups.
Gordon would then smile and answer that middle aged and even old people could also feel like young pups, even in the autumn of their lives.

It was almost closing time and Gordon could hardly wait to see Mary again. He closed the computer, tidied his desk and went out the building.
He was in front of the Mall, waiting for the green light in order to cross the street
when he saw the ambulance parked, the siren still sounding and two paramedics carrying a stretcher.
He could not see clearly from across the street, but then the light changed and he went towards the Mall’s entrance.
Then he saw the whole picture. The stretcher was carrying his Mary. A drunken driver had run her over while crossing the street. She had died instantly.


Gordon Tenner closed the computer and tidied his desk before leaving.
Another boring and uneventful day was over.
He left the office building and walked slowly towards the park. He was in no hurry; nobody was waiting for him anyway.

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 04.03.2009

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