Chapter One: Why Me?

Here we go again, they’re fighting… again. I don’t understand why they stay together if they hate each other so much, I also don’t understand why my dad stays if he hates us so much, he could leave whenever he pleases. He doesn’t understand what he’s doing to us, to me. I hate listening to them fight, I shouldn’t have to deal with this, and it’s wrong for him to stay. If he cared about me at all, he would just leave, just leave my mom and me alone and never come back. But he doesn’t care, he’s made that clear. We mean nothing to him, just a punching bag for when he gets mad, which is starting to be more and more often.

I heard a crash from downstairs, which is nothing new really, but I still got out of bed to see what it was, but that was the wrong move. Once I got down there my dad turned to look at me.

“What the hell do you want?!” He yelled.

“I-I heard something.” ‘Oh god, why did I come down here?’

“I’ll give you something to hear.” He walked over to me and slapped me across the face.

As I turned my head from the impact of the hit, I saw my mother on the floor crying, she had a handprint on her right cheek. That must have been the noise, my mom hitting the wall. He’s always hitting her, and she just lets him do it. “Now go back to your damn room!” He’s been drinking again, I could smell it on his breath.

I looked at the ground before nodding. “Yes father.” I turned and went to my room, closing and locking my door behind me, holding back tears. I hate him, I wish he was dead.

I walked into my bathroom and grabbed a blade, my best and only friend. I placed the blade over the skin of my wrist and then I pushed down, breaking the skin. As I made each cut, I counted the reason for each cut.

 

• I’m worthless.

• I’m a waste of space.

• No one loves me.

• I’m stupid.

 

By the time I was done, the floor was covered in my blood, and my wrist was all cut up, but they would just turn into scars and mean nothing. Just like all the others, just be a memory of what I had to go through.

I got off the floor, saying I’ll clean up the floor in the morning. As soon as I took a step, my vision started blacking out, I’m losing too much blood, great, maybe I can finally just end it. It’ll make life so much easier. I walked over to the sink and grabbed some badges and started cleaning my cuts.

After I was done, I stepped over my blood, too tired to clean it up, and walked into my room, making sure my door was locked. I laid down in bed and closed my eyes, trying to block out the yelling of my father and the crying of my mother, telling him to stop hurting her, wanting to forget this is the life I live. I try to keep my tears to myself, not wanting them to fall, because if I do then he wins, they all win and I don’t want them to see me broken. I have to stay strong and not let them see me weak.

 

~~~

 

The next morning when I went into my bathroom to get ready for school, the first thing I saw was the big puddle of dried up blood on the floor, that’s when everything came back to me from last night. I quickly stepped over the blood and looked in the mirror to see a big handprint on my right cheek.

“Just great, just another thing I need to worry about.” I said to myself, thinking that I’m lucky I woke up earlier than I normally do.

With that, I started working on cleaning the floor. It took about an hour to do, but I finally got it all off. After that, I got dressed in a pair of black skinny jeans, a long-sleeve dark blue shirt, and my black Vans. Then I walked into the bathroom and got to work on my make-up, first my eyes, leaving my cheek for last.

As I was putting my eyeliner on, there was a bang on my door, making me scared it was my dad.

“Kara, baby, opening the fucking door.” My boyfriend, Logan, yelled.

“C-Coming.” With that, I ran over to unlock my door. “W-what are you doing here Logan? I-I thought you were staying home t-today?”

“I got bored, now hurry the fuck up. I want to leave.” He said, walking into my room and laying on my bed.

“O-okay.” I ran to my bathroom, and started putting cover up on my cheek, trying to be fast about it. After I was done, I quickly ran over to Logan. “I-I’m ready.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t want to leave now. I want to fuck you.” He said, pulling me on top of him.

“B-but Logan, I want to go to school.” I tried to get off of him, but he had a hard grip on my waist, not letting me go.

“I don’t care what you want, I want to fuck. Now either you strip and let me fuck you, or we’re over and I’m going to go find myself a new slut.”

I teared up, slowly pulling my shirt off. “C-can we go to school after? Please Logan?”

“I’ll think about it, now strip.” He let go of me, so I could finish undressing.

‘I really hate when he does this.’

 

~~~

 

After the whole thing with Logan, he finally let me go to school, but when we got there, he wouldn’t let me go to class.

“Logan, what are you doing?” I asked, scared that he wasn’t done with me yet.

“Out back, I want to smoke with the guys.” He said, pulling me closer to where his friends stood.

“W-why can’t I go to c-class? You k-know I don’t smoke.”

“I don’t give a fuck what you do or don’t do, you’re staying with me. After we’re done here, we’re leaving, I want to go out and get you something sexy for the party tonight.”

“P-party? I don’t want to go.”

“I don’t care, you’re coming. Now shut the hell up. Hey guys, got anything good today?” Logan asked, smiling at his friends. I love it when he smiles, he looks so handsome and young, sadly he doesn’t smile much around me. But that’s my fault, all I do is make him mad, it’s not fair to him.

“Yeah, Brock got some good weed.” Rocky said. You can tell that they were already high by the way their eyes are bloodshot.

“What the hell is the slut doing here, I thought we were going to have some guy time.” James said, glaring at me. I moved closer to Logan, hiding behind him slightly. I really didn’t like his friends, they scare me, but I don’t tell him that, it would only make him mad and leave me.

“Chill dude, she’s here cause I’m taking her shopping after I’m done smoking. I need to get this thing something hot for the party tonight.” He said taking the joint from James.

I just stood there as they went from joint to joint. It was starting to scare me, because Logan wanted to leave when he was done, but he was too high to walk straight. I don’t want to get in a car with him like this, I don’t want to die like that.

As soon as they were done smoking, Logan grabbed my hand and started pulling me towards the parking lot so we could leave.

“No, Logan I don’t want to.” I cried, getting really scared, since he couldn’t walk straight.

“Shut up, bitch. You have nothing sexy to wear and I’m getting you something, be lucky I’m not making you go naked.” He said, tightening his grip on my wrist, making me flinch. I shouldn’t have cut last night, this hurts more than normal.

“Ow, Logan you’re hurting me, let go!” I was in tears now. “Please, Logan I’m sorry.”

He whipped around and smacked me hard in the face, making me cry harder. “Shut the fuck up! And stop your damn crying you stupid fucking slut.”

Just then some guy walked over. “I think the lady said to let go.”

“Why don’t you mind you’re own fucking business.” Logan said, pulling me towards his car. “Let's go, I’m sick of this place.”

“L-Logan, you can’t drive, you’re too high. Please just let me go to class. I’ll still go to the party with you, I just want to get to class, please Logan.”

“Didn’t I tell you to shut up?!” He yelled at me, he pulled his hand back to hit me again.

I was waiting for the hit, but it never came, and the grip on my wrist was gone too. I slowly opened my eyes, to see Logan on the ground, holding his nose, and the new guy standing over him, glaring. “You never, and I mean never lay a hand on a lady in a harmful way, do you understand me?” The new guy said calmly at Logan, before turning to me. “Are you okay? He didn’t hurt you too bad did he?”

He softly grabbed my face to look at the handprint on my now swollen cheek. I nodded slowly, looking at him. “I-I’m fine. You didn’t have to hurt him you know.” I said, looking at Logan. I started walking over to him and helped him up. “I’m sorry Logan, I’ll be good and get in the car. Just don’t be mad at me, please.”

“Why are you being nice to this guy? He was just hurting you.” The guy said.

“Cause I’m her fucking boyfriend, you jackass!” He wrapped his arm around my waist. “Let's go, before I knock this freak out.” He said, pulling me towards the car again.

“As if you could.”

“What the hell did you just say?” Logan said, turning around to glare at him. He was getting mad, and he’s scary when he’s mad.

“Logan, come on, forget about him. We need to get me something for the party, remember?” I said, pulling on his hand, hoping to get him away from the guy. It didn’t work.

 

~Josh’s POV~

 

This guy was starting to piss me off. You never treat a lady that way, ever. And yet, she's just letting him, I can't do much if she's letting it happen, but I can't let him do that, it's wrong. I looked at the girl.

"Why are you letting him do this? You deserve better, no girl deserves to be hit like he does to you." I say softly.

"Because I..." She looks down, so I know that what she's about to say is a lie. "Because I love him. Come on Logan, I want to go." She says, grabbing his hand, gently pulling him towards his car.

"This isn't the end new boy, nobody messes with me. Watch your back." He said before wrapping an arm around the girl I had yet to get a name of.

But before they got too far, she looked back and smiled softly, mouthing the words 'thank you.' So I at least know that she cared that I tried to help, but I'm not done, he's not going to get away with this.

But right now all I can think is why her?

 

~Kara's POV~

 

'Why me?'

 

Chapter Two: You Start With Hi

 

~Kara's POV~

 

Logan has finally calm down, it took a lot. When he gets mad he likes to have sex, but he wouldn't have sex in his car, so he just roughly made out with me, so rough that he split my lip open, but no big deal, as long as he's happy, I like it when he’s happy.

I can't help but keep thinking about that kid. He was so kind, the way he stood up for me without even knowing me. But it doesn't matter, I'm with Logan and I'm never going to see that kid again. I just wished that I could find a guy like that, but only good things happen to good people, and I’m not one of those people.

I have been waiting for Logan to find something he is willingly to have people see me in around him, and so far nothing. I didn't realize I was that ugly, but I guess I am. I don't understand why he's with me, I'm ugly and fat, he could have any girl he wanted, but he's with me. I should ask him at some point, but not now, he's in a good mood now and I don't want to ruin that. I should just be happy that he’s with me, he’s willing to be with me when no one else does, I should be thankful.

Just than he walked up to me and threw a bunch of clothes at me.

"Go try those on now, I'm getting bored, and if none of those turn me on then that's it, you're not coming with me, now go." He said, sitting down in the waiting area.

I nodded and rushed into the changing room, setting down the clothes and looking at myself in the mirror. All I see is a broken girl. A girl with long dark hair that covers up her face, hiding herself from the world. A girl with a broken smile, a broken life. A girl who has nothing to offer. Pushing my hair back, I look into those broken brown eyes, and I see nothing, there’s nothing there. It’s said that the eyes are the window to the soul, but looking into these eyes, I see nothing that could give anything any, not happiness or sorrow, not sadness or hurt, just… nothing.

I turn away from the mirror, no longer wishing to see that girl. I grab the first thing in the pile and hold out a black dress, that's really short and would not be appropriate for school in anyway. It's a midnight black color and skin tight, showing everything. After I fight into the dress I call out to Logan.

"I-I can't go out in this." I say, looking down at the dress.

"What one?"

"The b-black dress."

"I liked that one, let me see it." He walks into the changing room and looks at the dress. "I like it, I'm getting it for you. Now take it off so I can pay for it." He started to walk out, but I grabbed his hand, stopping him.

"Logan? Do you love me?" I asked, biting my lip. I had to know, I had to know if he really wanted to be with me, or if he was just doing this no one else would and felt sorry for me.

"What kind of question is that? Get dressed and let's leave." He pulled his hand away and walked out, leaving me alone.

I took off the dress and walked over to Logan with my head down, handing him the dress. I followed him to check out so that he could buy the dress.

After he paid, he walked out of the store and back out to the parking lot, and as I try to keep up with him, I tripped. But before I can hit the ground, I feel arms around me and I think it's Logan, but when I look up, I don't see Logan, I see the guy from earlier today. He helps me stand up straight and I'm about to thank him, but then Logan yells at me, telling me to get my fat ass over to him. I look down and rush over to Logan before he get too mad.

“What the fuck was that about?” He asked when I got over there, gripping my arm.

“I-it was nothing Logan, I just tripped and he was helping me up, that's it, I'm sorry.” I say quietly, looking down.

“Whatever, just get in the damn car, now.” He said, opening my door. With my head down, I got in, not wanting to upset him anymore than I already have today.

 

~~~

When we got back to my house, no one was home thankfully. Logan was roughly pulling me up to my room, throwing the bag with my dress at me.

“Get dressed, it's going to take awhile to get you to look good enough to be seen with me at the party so you have to start early. Now change.” Logan said, laying down on my bed.

“Okay.” I turned to go to the bathroom, but Logan's voice stopped me.

“Where the fuck are you going? I told you to get dressed, not walk away. Now change.”

“I-I was going to go change in the bathroom.” I said looking down. “Sorry.” And with that I started to get undress. I hated stripping in front of people, but Logan always had me do it. I hated my body so much, it was awful, I was so fat, but it doesn't matter, I have to do what I'm told. If I don’t than I’ll get yelled at and get punished, I hate it when he does that, I hate doing wrong with Logan. He’s so nice to me, and all I do is get in trouble and make him mad.

So I stood there in my bra and underwear, about to grab the dress when Logan jumped off the bed and pinning me to the wall. “L-Logan, what are you doing?” I asked, panicking.

“I'm horny, so we're going to fuck then you'll get ready.” He said, kissing up my neck.

“B-but we just had s-sex this morning, you've never wanted i-it twice in one day.”

“Yeah, well I'm horny as fuck. So either let me fuck you or I'm leaving and finding some hot chick to bang.”

I looked down, I didn't want him to leave me, but I didn't want to have sex. In the end he won, he always wins.

 

~~~

 

After I had gotten ready, we headed out to the party, but I really didn't want to go, I knew something bad was going to happen there, something bad always happens when he makes me go to parties with him. But I never say anything, I mean, what can I say? I'm just some girl he keeps around for a good time, and by that I mean sex.

I think I finally realized that he doesn't love me, he’s always flirting with other girls, like right now. He’s grinding up against some blonde girl. But I won't say anything, I'm lucky I have him, no one else would want to be with me.

I walked away, not being able to watch him grind against someone else anymore. I walked into the kitchen, looking in the fridge, hoping to find something other than alcohol. Not finding anything though, I walked out of the kitchen, and rushing out the back screen door, not wanting to be inside anymore.

The heat and loud music was starting to get to me.  My head was pounding, I don't understand how everyone can listen to that music, it’s so loud.

As I was walking around, I felt a tap on my shoulder. Scared that it was someone who was going to hurt me, I jumped back, looking at the person in a panick. But once I turned around I saw that it was just that guy again.

I just stared at him, not knowing what to say. Logan can't see him with me, he'll get mad.

He smiled at me. “What, cat got your tongue?” He chuckled softly. “Here, let me help you. You start with hi.”

Chapter Three: Leave Me Alone

 

~Josh~

 

This party is so boring, and it's just my first one here. I don't understand how a party can be so boring as this one is. I’ve been to better one’s where I use to live, in Texas, now they knew how to party.

I was walking around, sipping on my beer, wishing to just get drunk off my ass already. Then maybe, just maybe I'll be able to forget about that girl. I still don't know her name, I've seen her twice today, and have yet to be able to really talk to her. As long as he is around her, we’ll never be able to talk.

I still can't believe the way he was treating her, and she wasn't doing anything about it, just taking it. It's wrong, no girl should have to be treated like that. If she was my girl, I would never treat her like shit, like she's less than me, because she’s not, we’re equals.

But of course she’s not mine, and I have little say in the matter. Yet at the same time, she deserves better than that asshole. Maybe if I could talk to her without that guy, Logan, around, I could try to get her to understand that she shouldn't stay with him, but he always seems to be around. I started walking to the back door, I needed some air.  

When I got outside there was no one from what I could see out here, but then I looked off to the side and saw her, the girl that’s been on my mind all day. Looking around once more to see if Logan was around, I couldn’t see him. This was my one chance to talk to her without him.

She was wearing a black skin tight dress, I could see all of her curves. She was such a beautiful girl. I walked over to her and softly placed my hand on her shoulder, causing her to jump and spin around to look at me.

She was just staring at me, shocked, and maybe a little scared. I couldn’t understand why she would be scared.

‘Why isn’t she talking to me,’ I wondered.

I started first, smiling, “What, cat got your tongue?” I softly chuckled. “Here, let me help. You start with hi.”

She just stood there, looking at me, confused at what I had said, like she hadn't heard me. I was about to repeat myself when her eyes got wide and she looked around like she was scared of something. “You can't be talking to me. Logan will be so mad if he sees you with me.”

I looked around, not seeing Logan anywhere. “I don't see him, so I'm sure it's safe to talk.”  I looked back at her, only to see her still looking around. “Hey, it’s okay, the last time I saw him, he was inside rubbing up against some girl.” The look on her face just dropped.

“Oh.” Was all she said. I felt bad, but by the look of it, it’s not the first time its happened.

“Hey do you want a drink? I can get you one.” I asked, trying to get her mind off of that guy. She just shook her head.

“No thanks, I don't drink.” She looked away, back towards the house, sighing. “But Logan does, he loves to drink, he does often.”

I felt sorry for her, she shouldn't have to deal with that, with him. But there's nothing I can do about that, but to help her get her mind off of that guy, help her have some fun.

“How about we go somewhere where we can get something good to drink?” She looked a little nervous. “We won’t be long, there’s a store just around the corner. No one will even know we’re gone.” I said, hoping to help her mind ease off a little.

She looked down. “I can't leave the house without Logan. He'll get mad at me if I left.”

“We won’t be long, I promise. If you want I can go by myself and get you something.”

She bit her lip, slowly nodding her head. “Okay.”

I softly smiled at her. “Great, what would you like? My treat, I can get you anything you want.”

“Um…. Just w-water would do.” She looked down, a little unsure of herself.

“Come on, there’s gotta be something you want to drink beside water. I mean it, I’ll get you anything, it’s really no problem.”

“O-okay…  How about a C-Coke?” She slowly looked up at me, still unsure.

“Sure, one Coke coming up.” I smiled at her and just as I was about to leave, I heard someone yelling.

“Where the fuck have you been?! I’ve been looking for you, you dumb slut!” I turned around and saw it was that low life, Logan.

“I-I’m sorry Logan, I just c-came outside to-” She started, but Logan had cut her off.

“To what? Fuck this guy?” He pointed to me, before looking over and saw who I was. “You! Didn’t I tell you to stay the fuck away from my girlfriend? Are you asking for a fight?!”

I just laughed at that, as if he could beat me up. The guy was too drunk to stand up straight, let alone throw a punch. “Just try and hit me. I bet you can’t.”

“Logan, please don’t, l-let’s just and enjoy the party. That’s why we’re here, right?”

Logan turned back to her, and smirked, looking back at me. “Sure thing babe, I’m too good to waste my time on something like him. I’m here for a good fucking time.” He wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her back in.

“Wait, you don’t have to go in with him. You’re too good to be treated like this, you deserve better than this.” She turned to look at me, shaking her head.

“No I don’t, I deserve this. This is what I want. I want to be with Logan, he’s the right person for me. Please, just stay away from him, and me.” That look in her eyes told me everything, she’s broken and needs help, but she won’t let me help her.

They walked away, going back into the house. I can’t believe she just with him willingly… again! What the hell does she see in him? There’s nothing good there, he’s a good for nothing, low life, dumbass, who has no life outside of drugs. It’s sad really, but the really sad thing, is that she’s staying with him.

I just don’t understand it. How can her parents be okay with her being with him, unless he acts different around them than he does with her. She probably likes going to her house with him, he must be nicer than.

With a sigh, I looked out at the sky, just thinking. But no matter what, I couldn’t get her off my mind, but I have to, I can’t be with her, she only wants him, no one else, which I think is stupid, but it’s her choice I guess. I turned and went back inside to get another drink, if I’m going to try to get her off my mind, I need more beer, and maybe something a little bit stronger than that, but I’ll stick to beer for now.

 

~~~

 

I’ve been here for like an hour, and I’ve had about six beers… and nothing, I still can’t her off my mind. I’ve seen her a couple of times, and have to hold myself back from walking up and talking to her again. I just can’t help myself.

Everytime we see each other, she softly smiles, then looks away, so I know she doesn’t hate me, she just want me and her boyfriend getting into a fight. I can understand that, really I can, I’ve just been waiting for him to leave her side again so I can talk to her. But he won’t leave, he just keeps his arm around her, keeping her close.

You can tell she’s not having a good time, that she’s hating it here, but she won’t tell him, won’t tell him she wants to leave. Now that I’m thinking about it, she probably never wanted to come in the first place, but he made her. That’s just wrong, if she didn’t want to come, then he shouldn’t have made her.

I’m still bored out of my mind, I’ve yet to make any friends here yet, so I no one to hang out with, I have nothing to do. I’m not going to just walk up to a bunch of people and just start chatting it up with them, or go join some random game. I don’t want to make friends at a party, those are the kind of friends I don’t need, they’ll just be the ones who want to go get drunk with and that’s it. If I wanted a drinking buddy, than I’ll just go to my dad’s house.

As I was walking back to the kitchen to get another beer, I saw her from the corner of my eye, and when I turn to look at her, I notice that Logan isn’t around more, so this is my chance to talk to her again.

Walking over to her, I gently smile at her. “Hey there.”

She jumps slightly, looking at me. “What are you doing? Logan can’t see you, he’s finally in a good mood again, you have to go.” She started pushing me slightly, making me chuckle.

“At least tell me your name, I still don’t know it.”

“If I tell you my name, will you go?” She looked up at me, unsure of what I’m doing.

I shrug. “Maybe, maybe not. What’s the big deal anyways, I just want to chat, that’s it. It’s not like I’m making a move, or trying to tell you to leave that ass, which I think you should, but it’s not my place. We’re just friends.” I said, looking her straight in the eyes.

She lightly blushed. “My name is Kara, and Logan doesn’t like me talking to other guys, he doesn’t want them getting inside my head.”

“I’m not trying to get inside your head, I just want to be friends, Logan doesn’t have to know, okay? That is, if you want to be friends.” I said, looking at her cute little blush.

She looked around, biting her lip. “I’m sorry, I really do want to be friends, but I can’t do that to Logan, it’s wrong. I love him and I can’t just go behind his back and hurt him like that.”

“What, like he’s hurting you? He’s cheating on you, and right in front of your eyes, he shouldn’t be dancing with other girls, only you. The way he’s treating you is wrong. Why can’t you see that?” I tried to get her to understand.

Kara shook her head. “Logan loves me, he just doesn’t know how to show it. I know he loves me, he’s the only one that does. And the only one who ever will.” She looked away.

“How do you know that, you won’t let anyone else in.”

She glared up at me. “You don’t know me, and you won’t I love him and he loves me, end of story.” She turned to walk away, but I grabbed her hand.

“Wait, Kara.”

She yanked her hand out of my. “Don’t touch me, I’m done talking to you, I’m going to go find my boyfriend. Leave me alone.”

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Tag der Veröffentlichung: 13.07.2016

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