well its been a while now since nick died. i have been so depressed and i couldnt even bring myself to do anything. i couldnt even get out of bed in the morning. it was that bad. i wouldnt eat for days in a row and i got down to 107 pounds. he was my all. he was the older mentor that i always looked up to. he lived in LA with me before i moved out to iowa and he helped me live in the streets and how to stay alive and safe while still livin to the fullest. when he left me i didnt know what to do and it hurts even thinking of him. at his funeral, i couldnt even make it five minutes. i broke down and i couldnt take it. he had the funeral that i know he would have wanted. i showed up in his favorite color... yellow... and all the other people came in black. he always told me that funerals scared him. that the people that came there were scary and looked like the world was gonna end. well, that was the day my world ended. durring that time, i lost my boyfriend. he broke up with me because i was a bitch and i just hated life. but now todd is back and we are dating again and i am trying to find the bastards that shot my cousin. i only think its right to put them in jail. i know them, but its a gang thing, and once i spill ,i have to make sure things are okay for his family. its hard because everyone likes to retaliate. i just wish that i could make them feel the pain that not only i went through, but nick. he was 19 years old and did not deserve that. why would someone do that to him!? i hate them. i was actually thinking of ending things for myself and my life. i then realized that yeah, hes gone, but that doesnt mean that i have to get rid of myself because it hurt so bad. it got to the point that i could not sleep because i had terrible nighmares and i would wake up screaming. the part that kills me the most is that his parents didnt even bother to go to his funeral. they were "ashamed" wtf!? he did nothing. and even if he did, thats thier son. thats harsh. but thats life. the ghetto life.

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Tag der Veröffentlichung: 28.07.2012

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