How to Talk to Anyone (Junior Talker #3)

by DeYtH Banger

Quotes

 "I'm not a comedian. And I'm not sick. The world is sick, and I'm the doctor. I'm a surgeon with a scalpel for false values."

- Lenny Bruce

 

 

 

"You never have a comedian who hasn't got a very deep strain of sadness within him or her. Every great clown has been very near to tragedy."

- Margaret Rutherford

 

 

"To be honest with you, when I got into this I never thought about reviews. I never thought about what people would say about me. I was just a young guy who was excited to become a comedian and an actor and I just wanted to get to do what I got to do."

- Adam Sandler

Content

How to Talk to Anyone (Junior Talker #3)

 

 

• Quotes

 

 

Part 1

 

• Chapter 1 - FVG
• Chapter 2 - FVG (Part 2)
• Chapter 3 - FVG (Part 3)
• Chapter 4 - FVG (Part 4)
• Chapter 5 - Let's Talk
• Chapter 6 - Enough Lies (Experience)
• Chapter 7 - Let's Talk (Part 2)
• Chapter 8 - Tactic
• Chapter 8.1 - Nedy Texting Mistake
• Chapter 8.2. - Tactic (Part 2)
• Chapter 9 - Let's Talk (Part 3)

 

 

Part 2

 

 

• Chapter 10 - Conversation
• Chapter 10.1 - Conversation (Part 2)
• C H A P T E R    _    Z E R O -  Dash (Part 1)
• C H A P T E R    _    Z E R O -  Read
• C H A P T E R    _    Z E R O -  Dash (Part 2)
• C H A P T E R    _    Z E R O -  Dash (Part 3)
• C H A P T E R    _    Z E R O -  Dash (Part 4)
• C H A P T E R    _    Z E R O - Dash (Part 5)
• C H A P T E R    _    Z E R O - Dash (Part 6)
• C H A P T E R    _    Z E R O - Dash (Part 6.1)
• C H A P T E R    _    Z E R O - Dash (Part 7)
• C H A P T E R    _    Z E R O - Read (Part 1)
• Chapter 11 - Cut The BullShit Tail
• Chapter 11.1 - Cut The Bullshit Tail (Part 2)
• C H A P T E R    _    Z E R O - Dash (Part 8)
• Chapter 12 - Roller-Coaster 
• Chapter 13 - Roller-Coaster (Part 2)

Part 1

"But man is not made for defeat. A man can be destroyed but not defeated."

Ernest Hemingway

Chapter 1 - FVG

 4 Easy Ways To Make Your Conversations Stand Out

 

 

 

As you know, there are things you can do in conversations with women that absolutely KILL the attraction she’s feeling for you. Just like the wrong body language can kill attraction, the wrong conversations can do the exact same thing.


Can you guess what the wrong kind of conversation is?


If you guessed a BORING one, then you’re absolutely right.


But what makes a conversation boring?


Ever thought about that?


Some men think it’s the topics you talk about.


Others think it’s a lack of humor.


While certain topics and humor can certainly add to the energy level of a conversation, the real answer is this:

A boring conversation is a conversation that keeps a woman in AUTO-RESPONSE mode.

In other words, it’s standard chit-chat that keeps both of you in a state of POLITE DETACHMENT.


You know what I mean.


Most men will ask the same boring questions that will trigger automatic responses of polite detachment.


Here’s an example.


Him: “So, what do you do for a living?”


Her: “I work in the library.”


Him: “How long have you been working there?”


Her: “Two years.”


Him: “Oh, cool. Do you like it?”


Her: “Yes, sure”.


Him: “Cool. Um…So how did you get into it?”


Her: Tells the same auto-response story that she’s told a gazillion times before to all the other people that asked her that same question.

 

Boring conversations lack novelty

As you can see, this conversation is really lame because there is no element of noveltyin it.


The questions he asks trigger her to give standard answers and stay in polite detachment mode.


Translation: she experienced yet another boring conversation with yet another boring average Joe. And she’ll blame him for it.


But you won’t be making that mistake.


After you read this article, you’ll know how to have exciting and impactful conversations that women get addicted to.


Here are four easy ways to make your conversations stand out like a black stallion in a prairie full of white dwarf donkeys.

 

 

 

 

1. Ask Interesting Questions.

 

 

Interesting questions are questions that force women out of their auto-response mode.


They are questions that create a subtle shift in her perception about you.


When you ask just a few of these questions, she’ll see you in a different way than your competitors.


Interesting questions usually include some level of detail that boring questions don’t.


Let’s look at some examples.


Let’s say she tells you she’s a nurse.


Here’s what you could ask her to get her out of auto-response mode.


• What do you need to excel at what you do?


• Does your job put a smile on your face every day?


• Have you wanted to do that since you were a little girl?


Can you see how these questions are different? They are more detailed and they have a novelty aspect to them. They are out of the ordinary.


Because she’s not used to getting these questions, you won’t trigger any auto-responses.


Instead, you’ll make her THINK. Also, just by asking these simple questions, you’ll immediately shift her perspective about YOU.


She’ll instantly see you as different.

 

Interesting questions are different and with more detail

Now, of course, don’t ask these three questions in a row, because that would be really weird.


Instead, weave them into your conversation.


For example:


Her: “I’m a nurse.”


You: “Nice. So tell me, have you wanted to be a nurse ever since you were a little girl?”


Her: “Yes, believe it or not, I actually did.”


You: “I can already see you running around the house dropping heavy stuff on your parents’ toes just so you could take care of their injuries.” (said teasingly and with a cheeky smile)


Her: “Nooooo… I would never do that. I’m too sweet for that…”


You: “So tell me, I’m wondering, what does it take to be a really good nurse?”


Her: “Well, that’s a good question. I never thought about that, actually… I think you need to be… etc.


Can you see how the conversation got more interesting just by using one or two interesting questions?


Here’s another example. Let’s say you are on a date and she tells you she’s from Italy. Here’s what most men will ask:


• What part of Italy are you from?


• Where in city XYZ do you live?


• Is it warm there?


Can you see again how boring and auto-response-evoking they are?

 

Boring questions trigger auto-response answers

Here’s a better question to ask: “I’ve actually never been to Tuscany. Tell me two interesting things about Tuscany that would make me want to go visit it?”


Can you see the difference again?


Also, there’s an added advantage to this question. By answering it, she’ll give you multiple topics you can talk more about.


She might say that you need to go to Tuscany because of its Renaissance art and for the architecture.


And voila! You now have two more subjects you can talk about. The Renaissance and architecture.


If you happen to know some interesting facts about those topics, now would be a moment to say them.


That way you show her that you are educated and have knowledge, which will trigger more attraction in her.


Yes, you read that right. Knowledge and wisdom are attraction triggers.


Here’s a little exercise for you to help you prepare for your next conversations.


Step 1: Make a list of the kind of questions that you usually ask during conversations. List them all together. It doesn’t matter if they’re interesting or boring. Just list them all on the same paper.


Step 2: Circle the interesting questions and copy them on another piece of paper called “Interesting Questions”.


Step 3: Turn the boring questions into interesting questions and also add them to the “Interesting Questions” list.


After you’ve done this exercise, you’ll have a list of interesting questions to ask.


You’ll also become aware of the boring questions that you usually ask so you can avoid them.


 2. Use Strong Opinions.

 

 

Every introverted man has opinions about things.


The problem is that most introverts are so scared about voicing them in the presence of a woman because they are afraid it might lose them the girl.


This is such a big misconception.


I’ve been coaching introverted men for more than 20 years now. As part of that, I’ve been interviewing many women on this topic.


And here’s what all of them said to me.


No girl ever said, “I didn’t sleep with him because we didn’t agree or we argued about something”.


None. Zero. Nada.


But what they did say was: “I didn’t sleep with him because he was boring.”


Here’s the point. Women love men with strong opinions.


Strong opinions create strong connections.


So instead of keeping your opinion to yourself because you fear losing her, make sure you voice your opinion strongly. It will make your conversations with women more interesting and they’ll love you for it.


Does this mean you need to become that obnoxious guy who gives his opinion about everything all the time?


Of course not. That would be an exaggeration, and women recognize the overcompensating behavior. They’ll label you as insecure.


But now and then in the conversation there will be topics that you have a strong opinion about. When those topics occur, show your opinion STRONGLY.


 3. Use Anecdotes and Stories.

 

Using anecdotes and stories are very powerful ways to make conversations interesting.


Even as children, we love stories. In fact, stories are imbedded in our brain structure.


We’ve been using stories ever since we developed the ability to speak. And we used them to pass on knowledge from generation to generation.


Just the fact that you know how to present an anecdote or tell a story shows you have higher status. And status is a powerful attraction trigger.


Now, don’t worry—you don’t need to become some marvelous story-teller.


You just need to know the basic structure of how to tell a story.


Once you know that, you can tell your anecdotes in that format.


There are eight classic story-telling modelsgoing from the Monomyth (The Hero’s Journey) all the way to the Petal Structure.


But for our purposes here, you just need the simplest three-step structure:


a) A character with a purpose.

 

 

A good story needs a character with a purpose

A good story always has a character in it, and that character has a purpose or a goal.


For example, if you tell a story about your first kiss, the character would be YOU and your purpose would be to get the first kiss.


If you want to make it more compelling, you can also talk about the motivation behind the first kiss.


Maybe you wanted that first kiss because the girl dreamed about a first kiss like in a movie and you always wanted to be a movie star. See how this instantly makes the story more interesting?


b) An obstacle between the character and his purpose.

 

 

Once the character and his purpose are clear and he’s on his quest to fulfill his purpose, you need to think about the obstacles that might get in his way.


In the case of your first kiss, you might want to think more in detail about the obstacles between you and getting your first kiss.

Maybe she had bad breath? Or maybe you popped a boner when you wanted to kiss her?

 

 

You see how this instantly makes the story more dramatic?


c) The resolution.

 

 

Once your audience is captivated by the character, his purpose, and the drama of the obstacle between him and his goal, you need to relieve the tension with the resolution.


There are two questions you want to answer in the resolution.


First, did the character get what he wanted?


Second, regardless if he got what he wanted,how did it change him?


And the second is more important than the first. In other words, how the quest changed the character is more important than if he succeeded or failed in his quest.


In fact, describing a CHANGE is the REASON people tell a story.


Here are two ways to end a story by describing a change:


• “That’s why I never…”


• “That’s why I always…”


In the case of your first kiss story, you could end the story (regardless if you succeeded in getting the first kiss or not) by saying “that’s why I decided to not become an actor after all!”


Do you see how this gives the story a punchy, funny finish?


Remember, your goal was to get your first kiss because that girl dreamed about a first kiss like in a movie and you always wanted to become a movie star.


Then when you wanted to finally kiss her, you got an embarrassing boner that screwed it all up. That’s when you decided never to become a movie star.


See how, in this case, the resolution referred back to a change in what you initially wanted?


Initially, you wanted to become a movie star, but your first kiss experience changed you.


Now, of course this is a very condensed explanation about storytelling, but for now it should be enough to help you on your way.


So here’s an implementation assignment to help you prepare some stories.


Step 1: Look for areas in your life where you changed something. You can do this by finishing the following statements:


• “That was the moment I realized…”


• “I’ll never do that again because…”


Step 2: Structure the journey that led you to that change in the story-telling format.


Ask yourself:


• What was my purpose?


• What was my motivation behind it?


• What obstacles, conflicts, or drama were standing in the way of my goal?


• Did I reach my goal?


• How did it change me?


Everybody has made changes in his life. By talking about those changes in the story-telling structure, you actually make your conversations interesting. So why not use it?


By the way, it’s not lying. You are talking about stuff that actually happened to you.


The only thing you do is you tell it in a compelling way instead of a boring way.


There’s nothing wrong with that.


Also, don’t confuse this with telling DHV stories. DHV (delivering high value) stories are tools that pick-up artists use to tell lies about themselves to make them look cool.


When I’m talking about storytelling, I’m talking about sharing things that really happened to you, and doing it in a format that makes the conversation more interesting.

 

 

 

 

4. Use Current Gossip.

 

As an intelligent introverted man, you might not like this one.


You might not want to talk about Kim Kardashian’s big ass.


You probably prefer reading a good book or understanding more intellectual things than Kim’s big butt.


And I totally get it. I’m the same way.


But bear with me for a moment so I can put things in perspective.


Sometimes in a conversation, there is a lull with a very awkward silence.


In that moment, you need to make a choice.


Do you let the conversation die and risk her associating these awkward feelings with you, or do you use a wildcard that is guaranteed to get you out of this situation?


I’d suggest you use the wildcard.


That wildcard is CURRENT gossip.


Current gossip is something almost all women love.


Don’t make the mistake of thinking that only dumb women love gossip.


That’s false.


Even very intelligent women know about the latest things happening to celebrities like who’s sleeping with who, etc.


In fact, very successful and intelligent women still find the time to be in the know about these things.


So don’t make the mistake of thinking, “If she’s into that, she must be a dumb bimbo.”


She’s not.


So now that I’ve taken away all of the reasons that would prevent you from using this powerful tactic, let’s see how it works.


As I said, the best time to use it is at moments where you feel the conversation is really slipping away in an awkward silence.


By the way, you can use this on dates with women or you can also use it at dinner with a group of friends to inject energy in the conversation.


The way you do it is simple.


You just ask her OPINION on some CURRENT gossip.


When you do, watch what happens. People usually get all pumped up and full of energy and life when they start talking about current gossip.


And, by the way, it doesn’t have to be about Kim’s butt.


It can be about anything.


For example, if “America’s Got Talent” is on, you might ask her who her favorite is.


So here’s your implementation assignment for this.


Set away JUST FIVE MINUTES per day to stay up to date with the latest gossip.


That’s all. Just five minutes per day.


You can use Buzzfeed or Yahoo for this.


 Conclusion.

 

Most men have boring conversations with women. They talk and behave in ways that trigger women’s auto-responses, creating an atmosphere of polite detachment in the process.


The result: she’ll blame the man for the boring conversation. To her, he’ll be just another loser that doesn’t get it. That’s the world your competition lives in.


For you, it will be different. By using the four tips from this article, you’ll be able to give women interesting, exciting and evenaddicting conversations. They will be thinking about you long after you’re gone.


But to be able to use these tactics, you’ll need to be able to hold a conversation for a LONGER time.

Chapter 2 - FVG (Part 2)

 Does Being Similar to You Make Me More Attractive, Darling?

 

 

 

 

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. Erma Bombeck

Concerning the classical question of whether "birds of a feather flock together" or "opposites attract," there is consistent evidence in support of similarity, but very little evidence supporting opposites. However, significant similarity may reduce attraction. To what extent, then, does similarity between lovers enhance or inhibit romance?

 

Similarity in background provides the appropriate circumstances for emotional comparison. Thus, we often envy or are proud of those who were born in the city of our birth, or we typically fall in love with a person who is similar to us or reminds us of someone from our past. Like memory, which improves when we are in circumstances similar to those of the original event, emotions also intensify when we confront circumstances similar to those of highly emotional events; for example, a cemetery, a place where two lovers first met, or the site of a battlefield.

 

Many findings indicate the importance of background similarity for choosing a mate; dissimilarity is often a source of dissatisfaction and conflicts. Background similarity is manifested in many aspects, including education, socioeconomic background, race, religion, cultural background, physical attractiveness, general attitudes concerning issues like desired family size, sex roles, abortion, capital punishment, and so on. Today, education is an important factor in this regard as it both provides occasions to meet other people and it often expresses the status and opportunities of the other person. It was found, for example, that college attendance is a far better predictor of marriage than religion, ethnicity, or even income.

In parental love, too, the perceived similarity is important. Perception that the child is different from the parent often reduces parental love. Likewise, after the death of a child, parental griefintensity is correlated with the child's similarity to the parent. The importance of similarity in parental love is expressed in the fact that when a new baby is born, one of the first questions asked is: Whom does the baby look like? Background similarity, especially genetic similarity, is probably a major factor in explaining why parental love is typically more intense than romantic love, despite the more exclusive nature of romantic love.

 

Proximity in current position is another important factor influencing romantic love. For example, proximity in socioeconomic status contributes to forming romantic bonds. Although initial romantic attraction depends on the partner's desirability, so that the most desirable partners elicit the strongest attraction, people eventually settle in relationships with partners whose attractiveness is about equal to their own. This does not mean that Cinderella's good fortune is not possible, but the likelihood of its happening is not high.

Similarity, however, is a somewhat vague property. Thus, one can find similarities and dissimilarities between any two human beings. Love depends upon many different factors, and it would undoubtedly be oversimplification to explain it by referring merely to similarity. Nevertheless, some measure of similarity is usually helpful in maintaining love relations.

 

Referring to the notion of a comfort zone, we may say that our partner should be within the core of our comfort zone; this requirement, which is fulfilled by the similarity factor, ensures that we will feel comfortable with the partner. However, in order to ensure excitement in the relationship, the partner should be able to expand our comfort zone; this may be fulfilled if the partner is somewhat different from us. Opposites do attract, since they may enlarge our comfort zone, but significant differences can throw us out of our emotional equilibrium into discomfort.

In the case of sexual desire, the relationship is more limited in nature, and the issue of background similarity is of less importance; differences and changes are more significant. The longer the sexual relationship endures, the more important the issue of similarity becomes, as these indicate the couple's compatibility.

 

Romantic partners show strong similarity in age, political, and religious attitudes; moderate similarity in education, general intelligence, and values; and little or no similarity in personalitycharacteristics. For instance, Ryan, a divorcee in her late forties who holds conservative views, said: "I would not be able to marry a man who was a leftist, even if I found him very attractive-although most of the men I have slept with are leftists."

 

While strong attitudinal similarity clearly plays a part in mate selection, it is the similarity of personality related domains that ought to be considered when selecting a mate. Findings provided by Lou and Klohnen suggest a positive correlation between similarity and marital quality via personality-related domains but not via attitude related domains. It seems that, in fact, people are attracted to-and end up marrying partners with-similar attitudes and values, but the partners often differ in personality traits. However, once in a committed relationship, it is primarily the similarity in personality that influences marital happiness. The attitudinal similarity, which is easier to detect, seems to be more important for the initial stages of the relationship, but personality similarity becomes more important as the relationship increases in commitment.

 

We tend to fall in love and stay with people who share with us profound similarities, which can be expressed differently in various stages of the relationship; the presence of such essential similarities need not preclude-and may even encourage-differences related to surface manifestations within the basic similarity. Following Chomsky's distinction between deep structures underlying a linguistic expression and its surface forms, which manifest the same meaning in a different manner. Profound love involves deep common structures and different surface manifestations. Differences attract, but only within a shared general framework which leaves ample space for complementary differences. Nina, a married woman, compares herself to her lover thus: "There are so many deep things I find in him that are like me, and this attracts me so much. And on the surface I find so many exciting things that are new to me, and this attracts me to him so much, too."

 

We may say, then, that people with whom we share a similar background or social framework are those with whom we are most likely not merely to fall in love, but to maintain this love for a longer period of time.

 

 

 

 

Female Turn-Ons

 

 

 

 

Most guys will classify themselves as either a 'boob man' or an 'ass man' (or sometimes both), but what about the ladies? Into what categories do they fall and what are their eyes drawn to first when they meet an attractive guy a.ka. you?

 

Like with most things in life, rather than sticking to two simple body parts, women are a bit more complicated and all over the map when it comes to which male assets they find to be the sexiest.

Yeah, we realize that's not ultra helpful, but here's a pretty good summary of what turns her on the most when she sees you, courtesy of a very informative thread titled 'Women of Reddit, what is the female equivalent of being a "Tit man" or an "Ass man?"'

'Pick Her Up' Arms

Arms. When he looks like he can pick you up at will, and carry you around, or hold you up while he's... nvm. - bombacl0t

Strong Back

I know a lot of "Strong Back" women. - VerliMintzi

I was just scrolling through looking for this. This is my absolute favorite part of a guy...I would hang a mirror above my bed just to watch those back muscles flex while having some sexy backed fella on top of me. - qaboutp

Shoulders & Lines

 

Shoulders. I love broad, muscular shoulders. 

Oooh and the lines from the shoulders to the hips. 'Lawd, I'm at work and I need to stop. - Furry_Bananas

McConaughey Hands

I like hands quite a lot but I doubt that's a universal thing. - onion-guy

All the ladies at work sitting around me are going to see Interstellar because they hope to catch a glimpse of Mathew McConaugheys hands. No joke. - chrono14

 

Happy Trail Peek

For me sneaking a peek at that lil bit of happy trail when their shirt lifts up a little, is like sneaking a peek of girls boobs. Both exhilarating and totally flustering. uuuuffffff - vikavikavika

 

Underrated Badonkadonk

I don't understand why mens asses are so underrated. I could stare at those things all day. -qaboutp

 

The V

Not a girl, but I frequently hear talk of the magical man "V". - Cleverpenguins

 

Rugby Thighs

Thighs or biceps. Rugby is my porn. - mystery_boxx

 

 

 

 

Effective Pickup Lines

 

 

 

Type “pick-up lines for women” into Google and you’ll get a slew of cheesy results. Pick-up lines call to mind a sunglasses-wearing douche saying with a grin: “Hey, sweetheart, did you just fall out of heaven?” (It’s hard to take that guy seriously.) But the truth about pickup lines is this: they are extremely powerful when used effectively. If you can come up with something punchier and more creative than the lazy “Hey, can I buy you a drink?” you’re certain to leave a good impression. (Also, you’ll have a great story to tell your grandkids some day.)

 

At the same time, you shouldn’t be overthinking it! At its heart, a pickup line is just a way to spark an interesting conversation with a woman you’re attracted to! Here, we lay out some tips and pickup lines you can use in different situations when you want to make that cute stranger notice you. Remember, these are dependent on whatever context you might be in.

 

Use Your Environment

 

Ok, so you have zero knowledge of what the redhead in your gourmet cooking class likes. EXCEPT that she…clearly likes to cook! That’s a great place to start from. Make your way over to her station and ask her if she has an extra spatula. Compliment her on how great her chocolate tart turned out. Start a little flirtation over the soup of the day. Whatever you’re feeling, this is a fantastic route to find out if she’s single and (hopefully) get her number eventually.

 

Maybe you’re not at a cooking class. Maybe she’s standing awkwardly in the corner at your best friend’s housewarming party, or waiting in a long line at the DMV with you. Wherever you are, this is an opportunity for you to strike up a conversation about your surroundings.

 

Make an observation about how the man bun seems to be coming back, judging by all the man buns you see at the party. Comment on how badly your team is losing at sports league -- anything about what’s going on around you.

Hey, so I’m looking for the dip for these nachos -- seen a bowl of dip anywhere? John ALWAYS forgets to make enough dip for his parties.

 

That creates an instant camaraderie between the two of you, and before you know it, you’ll be hunting for dip together.

 

Ask a Question

 

Compliments are great. Compliments (of the non-creepy variety) are generally highly appreciated, but as far as pick-up lines go? Compliments aren’t the best pick-up lines, because they aren’t designed to get the other person talking.

Say she’s wearing a great dress. You could go over and compliment her on her great dress, and then she says “Thank you”. Now what? Now you’re both standing there awkwardly, because you’ve run into a conversational dead end. That’s not ideal, and she’s probably wondering when you’re going to walk away. Instead of delivering a forced compliment, consider opening with a friendly question.

Hey, it’s my first time at this trivia night, do you know what time the game starts? Do I have enough time to duck out and grab a beer?’ Keep the question simple. “So, how do you know John? I’m kind of mad he never introduced us.

That is a perfect way to get her talking. “Well, I met John at summer camp way back when...“ and now it’s a real, proper conversation between the two of you, versus a two-second interaction.

 

Don’t Try to Hide What You’re Doing. Own It

 

She knows exactly why you’re approaching her out of everybody in the room. You’re attracted to her! That’s okay. Don’t act as if you’re looking to just make friends with her, or get huffy when she says “I’m not interested.” (“Well, I wasn’t asking you on a date, so…” is the absolute worst response you could give in this situation.)

 

Own what you’re doing, in a chill way. If you’re really confident, you can even make a joke out of it:

Hey, so I was wondering, do you have a couple minutes for me to hit on you? If not, just say the word.

That’s a nice way to break the ice. It also signals to her that you’re a relaxed, humorous guy who won’t be mad about getting rejected -- the Holy Grail, in other words. Even if she says No, you’re going to walk away with grace: a clear winner.

 

Don’t Do Too Much. Let Her Come to You

 

There’s one thing you may have noticed about the absolute best pickup lines: they’re the ones that are creative, that leave a woman intrigued, but that don’t also put too much pressure on her. After all, the goal of an opening line is a conversation, and women are much more likely to talk when they’re feeling relaxed! That means you shouldn’t be cornering her in the kitchen at the neighborhood BBQ and asking her with an intense gaze whether she’s single. That may play off sexy in romcoms, but it can be super creepy in real life.

 

Instead, try something like:

 

Hey, I just noticed two things about you. One, you’re beautiful. Two, you’re not holding a drink. I make a great spicy lemonade, and I’ll be over there by the grill checking my phone. Ya know, in case you get thirsty.

This type of pickup line is ideal because you’re not being pushy. It tells her you’re confident, and that you’re secure enough to leave her alone afterward. Now the ball’s in her court, and you’ve left her tantalized and ready to make the move. When it comes to sexy approaches, remember the golden rule: less is more. Give her space, and you’ll be surprised to find how quickly she comes to you.

Good luck!

 

 

 

 

Chapter 3 - FVG (Part 3)

 A Helpful Guide to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

 

 

 

 

“Comparison is the thief of joy.” —Theodore Roosevelt

 

I’ve struggled with it most of my life. Typically, I blame it on having a twin brother who is five inches taller with much broader shoulders. But if I was being truly honest, more likely, it is simply a character flaw hidden somewhere deep in my heart.

I’ve lived most of my life comparing myself to others. At first, it was school and sports. But as I got older, I began comparing other metrics: job title, income level, house size, and worldly successes.

 

I have discovered there is an infinite number of categories upon which we can compare ourselves and an almost infinite number of people to compare ourselves to. Once we begin down that road, we never find an end.

The tendency to compare ourselves to others is as human as any other emotion. Certainly I’m not alone in my experience. But it is a decision that only steals joy from our lives. And it is a habit with numerous shortcomings:

 

1. Comparisons are always unfair. We typically compare the worst we know of ourselves to the best we presume about others.
2. Comparisons, by definition, require metrics. But only a fool believes every good thing can be counted (or measured).
3. Comparisons rob us of precious time. We each get 86,400 seconds each day. And using even one to compare yourself or your accomplishments to another is one second too many.
4. You are too unique to compare fairly. Your gifts and talents and successes and contributions and value are entirely unique to you and your purpose in this world. They can never be properly compared to anyone else.
5. You have nothing to gain, but much to lose. For example: your pride, your dignity, your drive, and your passion.
6. There is no end to the possible number of comparisons. The habit can never be overcome by attaining success. There will also be something—or someone—else to focus on.
7. Comparison puts focus on the wrong person. You can control one life—yours. But when we constantly compare ourselves to others, we waste precious energy focusing on other peoples’ lives rather than our own.
8. Comparisons often result in resentment. Resentment towards others and towards ourselves.
9. Comparisons deprive us of joy. They add no value, meaning, or fulfillment to our lives. They only distract from it.

Indeed, the negative effects of comparisons are wide and far-reaching. Likely, you have experienced (or are experiencing) many of them first-hand in your life as well.

How then, might we break free from this habit of comparison? Consider, embrace, and proceed forward with the following steps.

 

A Practical Guide to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

 

Take note of the foolish (and harmful) nature of comparison.

Take a good look at the list above. Take notice of comparison’s harmful effects in your life. And find priority to intentionally remove it from the inside-out.

Become intimately aware of your own successes.

Whether you are a writer, musician, doctor, landscaper, mother, or student, you have a unique perspective backed by unique experiences and unique gifts. You have the capacity to love, serve, and contribute. You have everything you need to accomplish good in your little section of the world. With that opportunity squarely in front of you, become intimately aware of your past successes. And find motivation in them to pursue more.

 

Pursue the greater things in life.

 

Some of the greatest treasures in this world are hidden from sight: love, humility, empathy, selflessness, generosity. Among these higher pursuits, there is no measurement. Desire them above everything else and remove yourself entirely from society’s definition of success.

 

Compete less. Appreciate more.

 

There may be times when competition is appropriate, but life is not one of them. We have all been thrown together at this exact moment on this exact planet. And the sooner we stop competing against others to “win,” the faster we can start working together to figure it out. The first and most important step in overcoming the habit of competition is to routinely appreciate and compliment the contribution of others.

Gratitude, gratitude, gratitude.

Gratitude always forces us to recognize the good things we already have in our world.

Remind yourself nobody is perfect.

While focusing on the negatives is rarely as helpful as focusing on the positives, there is important space to be found remembering that nobody is perfect and nobody is living a painless life. Triumph requires an obstacle to be overcome. And everybody is suffering through their own, whether you are close enough to know it or not.

 

Take a walk.

 

Next time you find yourself comparing yourself to others, get up and change your surroundings. Go for a walk—even if only to the other side of the room. Allow the change in your surroundings to prompt change in your thinking.

Find inspiration without comparison.

Comparing our lives with others is foolish. But finding inspiration and learning from others is entirely wise. Work hard to learn the difference.

 

Humbly ask questions of the people you admire or read biographies as inspiration. But if comparison is a consistent tendency in your life, notice which attitudes prompt positive change and which result in negative influence.

If you need to compare, compare with yourself.

 

We ought to strive to be the best possible versions of ourselves—not only for our own selves, but for the benefit and contribution we can offer to others. Work hard to take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Commit to growing a little bit each day. And learn to celebrate the little advancements you are making without comparing them to others.

With so many negative effects inherent in comparison, it is a shame we ever take part in it. But the struggle is real for most of us. Fortunately, it does not need to be. And the freedom found in comparing less is entirely worth the effort.

 

Annoying Things Guys Do

 

 

 

 

Wondering why you aren't getting anywhere with that cute girl at work? Confused because the girl you met on Tinder blew you off after your first date? Was it something you said? She probably won't tell you, because she's polite. Good news — that doesn't mean you're doomed to ignorance forever! There are certain conversational traps that men often fall into, like bad habits. You may not even realize it but if you're doing any of the things on this list, there's an excellent chance she thinks you're annoying:

 

1) Joking When Women Are Being Serious

 

Yeah, yeah, you all heard that women love funny men. That doesn't mean that you'll win her heart by firing off jokes when she's in the middle of a work crisis! Contrary to popular opinion, it probably won't make her feel better. She's trying to talk about something that's important to her and you're seizing the opportunity to make a joke that SNL did five years ago. I hate to break it to you, but it wasn't funny then and it certainly won't strike her as funny when she's upset because she deleted the wrong file on her computer.

 

2) Correcting Us On Points Of Trivia

 

She says in her OkCupid profile that she's watched all twelve of Quentin Tarantino's films. You, being a Tarantino buff, know that the man has directed thirteen films. You’re itching to point this out to her — surely she’ll be grateful for the correction!

No, friend. She will not. Nor will she appreciate you pointing out that her favorite band was formed in 1999 instead of 1998. Here's a simple test: Is the correction Really Important? Is it a life-or-death issue? If it's not, consider letting this one go. Unless she's trying to win Local Trivia Night, chances are she will be unimpressed by your correction.

 

3) Giving Us Tongue-In-Cheek Compliments

 

You know that scene in that romantic movie where the girl comes down the stairs in a breathtaking ball gown and her date says jokingly "Jeez, you could've at least made an effort"? No? That's because that's not the stuff of romance.

I know: complimenting women is scary and for suckers because it makes you seem vulnerable. If you tell her how beautiful she looks, she might think you like her! Here's the thing: you have to put yourself out there sometimes. A sincere, well-timed compliment will stay with her for a long, long time. And you want to be that guy who stays in her head for a long, long time.

 

4) Unsolicited Advice On How To Fix Our Problems

 

Sometimes women talk about their problems without wanting advice on how to solve them. A radical concept! But it is born of a basic human need: the need to vent. When she tells you about the horrible thing Martha said to her at brunch, you don't need to immediately respond with, "Well, why don't you tell Martha to take a hike?" Chances are she already knows what the solution is. Maybe the obvious solution is not feasible, for whatever reason. (Maybe Martha is planning on leaving her money in the will.) Whatever the situation, it can be annoying to be given obvious advice. If she isn't asking you for advice, maybe she doesn't want it.

 

5) Never Asking Us Questions About How We Are

 

If you're texting a girl, be sure to ask her questions. Why? Because if you don't, the conversation will die. It's really as simple as that. How can you play tennis with a partner who doesn't return your ball? Why should she respond to a long text about your day, unless you follow up with "How was your day?" She wants to date a man who's interested in her life. What books she likes. What her favorite flavor of ice cream is. If you're not psychic and you don't ask her questions, how will you ever figure out it's mint chocolate chip?

 

6) Always Talking About What They Find Hot & Not

 

"I don't think it's hot when women —" What’s that? The beginning of a sentence that’s a terrible idea, actually. Women aren't necessarily looking for your opinion on whether you prefer blondes or brunettes, or whether sandals are attractive! Sandals are comfortable — she's not wearing them expressly for the purpose of your boner. Even if you're talking about something you find hot, this line of conversation can backfire. It sounds as if your opinion is the only one that matters, and that's never a good thing.

 

7) Seizing Every Opportunity To Have A Debate

 

No, her Facebook status is not the place for you to begin a 300-comment thread debating her opinion. Debating isn't necessarily fun! It can be exhausting to have everything you say questioned or argued with. If you don't agree with something your date says, you don't have to have a debate about it. Imagine being the guy she tells her friend about the next day: "It was so awful! He spent the whole main course arguing about why Breaking Bad was a better show than The Wire." Pick your battles.

 

8) Expecting Us To Entertain Them

 

Here's a good rule of thumb: Don't just talk to women because you're bored. The "I'm bored. What's up?" text is something every woman has gotten, and it's always annoying. Even worse, it has about as much sex appeal as a wet sock. Now she's thinking of you as a guy who has absolutely nothing fun or creative to say. Yuck. Similarly, you shouldn't be expecting women to be doing the entertaining on dates. Too many guys sit back, fold their arms, and expect the woman to impress them. You're advertising yourself, too! Talk about things that excite you. Talk about why lobsters look like a mistake of nature. This is a two-way street, bucko.

 

9) Quizzing Us When We Say We Like Something

 

"Oh, you drink whiskey? Really? I find that hard to believe… what brand? Don't worry, I won't judge you. Well, only a little bit." It's 2016. Time to learn that women may like lots of the things you like! Including video games, sports, comics, cheap beer, and even that one really manly show you watch where dudes wrestle grizzly bears in the outback. If you guys have stuff in common, that's great! Talk about it. But don't act as if she automatically has something to prove. Playing gatekeeper isn't attractive, and you're wasting valuable time that you could be spending talking about that grizzly bear wrestling show you both like so much.

There you have it — how not to annoy women. And, as any woman will tell you, not being annoying goes a long way to romantic success.

 

 

 

 

Ways To Screw Up A First Kiss

 

 

Copping a feel

 

Unless it has been made quite clear that the first kiss is the beginning of a booty call, you should keep your hands to yourself. Grabbing her ass or squeezing a breast is absolutely unacceptable and one of the fastest ways to screw up a first kiss. If you have to touch her, try cupping her face with your hands or wrapping your arms around her in an intimate (but innocent) hug. Consider any areas more intimate than that to be no-go zones for the time being.

Having bad breathThis one is common sense. If your breath stinks, the first kiss may be your last. Don’t go overboard on the breath fresheners (pulling out the breath spray as you walk her to her door is corny and presumptuous), but do make sure that the smell and taste of your mouth isn’t offensive in any way. Take advantage of the after-dinner mint or pop in a piece of gum (but take it out before the kiss).

Drooling and stubble

 

When you pull away from the first kiss, your date should not have to wipe the saliva (or any other substances) off her face. Keep the drool under control and make sure to wipe your nose beforehand. Also, a woman’s delicate face should not be subjected to the sandpaper texture of your facial hair, so don’t press your face to hers before considering exactly how clean shaven you are. Your 5 o’clock shadow may look sexy, but it might not feel that way to her soft cheeks.
a kiss is just a kissNot all kisses are created equal, but if you follow AM’s advice, you’ll have a better chance of impressing her with the first one so that you can ensure there are many more kisses to follow.

 

 

 

 

Note: This is something like

And

"Fuck my studies"
...

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why Pickup Culture Is Dead

 

 

 

 

 

Back in 2001, a writer named Neil Strauss introduced a controversial book called The Game that detailed the inner workings of the “pickup subculture.” It told the story of fraternity-esque mansions where guys would go to learn the art of hooking up with women.

 

"Negging," magic tricks, peacocking were just a few of the tactics employed to reduce a woman to a level to where she would be primed to pick up and take home. It served as a bible for thousands of guys who always had trouble winning over women.

The manifesto was an impetus that sparked an entire industry around picking up women. A simple YouTube search for “how to pick up women” reveals a slew of different tutorials and “in the field” examples of successful “sets” and “closings.”

Entire businesses were built around it. Bootcamps exist in most every major city where you can fly in for a three- or four-day workshop for hands-on education and experience.

 

Now, to some extent, I find value in this. The culture encouraged shy guys to get out there, to be confident, and to take their love life into their own hands. As an introvert, I can relate to guys that have a hard time getting out there and meeting girls.

But it's something that treats women like a problem you can solve or "hack" rather than real human beings. And on top of that, it also devalues you because it has no authenticity. Tactics like pre-meditated one-liners, peacocking your wardrobe with a giant belt buckle, or slighting women to bring their confidence down a peg or two just isn’t something that is natural or genuine to who you are. At least, I hope it’s not!

 

Women are wise to these tactics now, too. What women want today is a guy who is real.  For the majority of women there’s nothing more attractive than a guy who is confident (but not cocky) with himself. It’s the subtle art of not giving a f*ck about what anyone thinks of you, staying true to yourself, and doing it with a genuinely positive approach to life.

 

This type of authentic confidence should come from a place of personal completeness. People who come by this naturally are good just by themselves. They don’t need anything else to complete them. Some guys seek sex, relationships, fame, and money to fill a void that will make them feel complete. Girls can smell that kind of guy a mile away. What they really respect and go for is a guy who’s true to himself.

So what does all this mean for you when you're out there trying to meet new women, whether it's at a bar or club, or on an online dating site or app? 

 

Rather than roll in with a canned pickup line, try instead just to be your natural self. Say what you feel. Listen genuinely. Do it with a smile. Don’t try to be someone that you’re not. If you’re confident in who you are, that will go the longest way in getting some solid attention from like-minded women

 

So, if you’re coming off of a breakup, looking to get back out there, resist the temptation to succumb to these pickup practices. Focus on getting right with yourself, rebuilding your confidence, and discovering what makes you a unique badass. Then your natural swagger will take over and it will be palpable when you walk in the room. The right girl for you will sense it before even talking to you.

 

 

Stay away from the typical rules of “the game.” It’s a lose-lose proposition these days, and there are much better ways to engage with women.

Chapter 4 - FVG (Part 4)

 P.S.: Probably deep here down... there is something... but what... not sure.

 

 

How To Discuss Having A Threesome

 

 

 

 

It's a phantom thought that has occurred to most people in a long-term relationship: What if we had a threesome? That super sexy scene from that movie I watched last week — could I recreate that with my girlfriend? It's the ultimate fantasy, but it's definitely not an easy thing to bring up with the person you're dating! Here are some tips you can use to ensure that the dreaded Threesome Conversation goes smoothly.

 

1. Don't Bring It Up As A Way To 'Spice Up' The Relationship

 

"So, things have felt a bit dull lately, and I had this idea…" is almost always a terrible opener. It's true that long-term relationships have boring phases, but pointing this out to your partner will only hurt their feelings! Nobody wants to feel that they're a boring or inadequate partner.

 

You: "Don't you think our sex life is getting boring of late? What if we tried having a threesome?

Her: "Are you saying I'm not enough for you? Wow, I can't believe you want to have sex with other women."

This is exactly what you want to avoid: a terrible argument because your girlfriend misunderstood your point. Instead of commenting on the current state of your relationship, try floating the idea in abstract. "What do you think of threesomes?" is a good general question for your girlfriend. Sound her out on the topic before suggesting a threesome as a boring-relationship cure.

 

2. Ask Her What — And Who — She'd Be Comfortable With

 

She thinks it's an interesting idea, great. But it's still a joint venture. Don't dictate the terms of the threesome, or independently plan it. Don't think of it as 'getting my girlfriend's permission to fuck somebody else.'

You: You know that girl Maria who works at my gym? I was thinking — you could ask Maria. She might be down for it.

Her: Do you have a crush on Maria? No way. No way am I OK with that.

 

Listen, this is probably a big deal for your girlfriend. Bringing another person into the intimacy of your bedroom is a big deal, so ask her what kind of threesome she would like to have. (Spoiler alert: It may not look like the PornHub video that you're expecting.)

You: If it did ever happen someday, how would you picture it? What would you like to happen?

Is there something that she's fantasized about in this context? She might want to have a threesome with another woman, or maybe a man. Maybe she would be comfortable with a lesbian in the mix, while you watched. There's a wide range of threesomes that one can have, and you should be prepared to discuss whatever she wants! The golden rule is that both of you should be having fun at all times. Frame it as the two of you having sex with a stranger, not you having sex with two women.

 

3. Don't Discuss It As A Concrete Event

 

You: How about I make a Tinder bio for us and say we're looking for a threesome, maybe next week?

This is bad because a) it's a lot of pressure and b) it makes it seem like this is something you've been trying to sneakily plan on your own for a while. Be casual and chill about it: Don't rush your girlfriend. The more pressure you put on her, the more likely she is to freak out and shut the idea down immediately.

 

Indicate that it's not something that needs to happen — it's just a thought that might be fun to act upon someday, if the circumstances were right. (In fact, it may be more useful as fantasy fodder that gets you both turned on in the present.) Treat it as a distant possibility, not as a scheduled conference call that you have to make right away.

 

4. Be Ready To Deal With Feelings Of Jealousy

 

Threesomes are tricky because they bring up lots of complicated emotions: primarily, jealousy. Your girlfriend's nightmare scenario is that you might ignore her during the threesome, and focus on the other girl. And what if the sex made you realize that you liked the other girl more?

That would be difficult for anybody to handle: Luckily, you can forestall this by assuring her of her importance to you. If she makes comments that seem irrational or hostile to you, don't get angry. Be understanding. Don't brush aside or dismiss her concerns; instead, remind her that she's the priority here:

You: I love you, I love our sex life, and I brought this up purely because it might be fun to do together some day. But of course, only if we're on the same page. You're the most important part of it- I wouldn't want anything if you weren't involved or excited about it.

Once she knows that she's the priority (and not the hot stranger you're planning to bone), she'll likely be much more relaxed and open to the idea.

 

5. Do It For The Right Reasons (And Remember, It Might Not Be As Sexy As It Sounds)

 

In movies and TV, threesomes rarely rock the boat. Couples always seem to be having hot-and-heavy threesomes with a stranger who leaves the next morning.

Unfortunately, threesomes in real life are much more complicated — and can leave you both with a host of new relationship issues. That's why you shouldn't use a threesome as the gateway for you to fuck that cute girl in your building. That kind of move could torpedo your relationship.

The truth about threesomes is this: Ensuring that two separate people get off (without making anyone feel excluded) is a Herculean task. So, don't bring it up if it's only a casual desire in your head — it's much more effort than it looks! It may not be worth relationship friction, in the end.

 

If, on the other hand, you're in a loving, trusting relationship and you want to have a threesome because you want to have a shared erotic experience, you're doing it the right way. Good luck!

If you're looking for a third and would prefer to try dating sites to asking someone you already know, these three sites might be a good fit for your quest:

 

XMatch

 

 

AskMen Recommends: This spot to make a quick connection is ideal especially if you and your partner have particular kinks you're looking to find a match for, as it's got a "kink directory" built in to facilitate finding people who share your specific persuasion of desire. 

Check out XMatch

FriendFinder-X

 

 

AskMen Recommends: Be aware, you need to be a paid member for all communication and much of the best features — adult videos, private model chats, gifting, all come with an additional fee. That being said, if you're looking to find someone down to experiment, FF-x is a good option.The site is fun if you're into cyber sex, you can even use the app to connect wireless sex toys remotely, bringing a whole level to the experience.

Check out FriendFinder-X

AdultFriendFinder

 

 

 

 

 

AskMen Recommends: This site — or, more accurately, network of sites — has been around for many, many years, making it one of the most popular options and featuring  one of the biggest membership databases. It also has advanced over the years, with more search and communication options than most hookup apps. This is a great site for chatting casually online, cyber sex, or arranging an in-person menage à trois.

 

 

How To Find A Third Partner For A Threesome

 

 

 

 

Maybe it’s your 40th birthday or you’ve been with your leading lady for 15 years. Or perhaps you’re both just curious and finally brave enough to give it a go. Whatever the reason for deciding to try to have a threesome, let us be the first to congratulate you on adding this (potentially) very hot experience to your sexual history. Even if it turns out to be a one-time thing, as long as you and your girl are on the same page about what it’ll mean (and what it won’t) for your relationship, it could be the rut-buster that brings some fire and energy back to your sexual routine.
 
But once you decide to go for it, where’s the best place to look to find that infamous third partner that’ll be the kink to your vanilla? (Or vice versa, if that’s your thing.) Selecting the right person to bring not only into your bedroom but your relationship can be a tall order and, well, a really big decision. It’s important that both you and your partner agree on whoever it is that will be touching, kissing and sleeping with both of you, and if you don’t know where to turn, don’t sweat. We talked to sex expert and commentator Coleen Singer on how to go on your threesome hunt:

 

1. Visit A Swingers' Club

 

If you’re still kind-of, sort-of on the fence about having a threesome at a hotel room or at your home, regardless if it’s with a stranger or a pal, a good first step toward multi-partner play is visiting a swingers club. You may be surprised to know that you won’t have to go searching to underground haunts, nudist colonies  or secret, speakeasy-like establishments to find a sex party.

 

As Singer explains, they’re actually easier to find than you think: “In addition to actual sex parties held at private homes, many swingers clubs also have informal social gatherings at local pubs or restaurants for those interested in the lifestyle but who would like to just test out the waters a bit first in a comfortable way,” she explains. It’s important to do your research and not go to a place that doesn’t have great reviews or impeccable rules regarding protection and inNCSA International to get started. This site is best for those couples or individuals who want to fully invest into this community, as its reputation speaks for itself. Once you’re accepted here, you’ll feel more comfortable exploring fantasies and meeting new friends who share your same kinks.

 

2. Look Online

 

While swingers clubs vary in price and can be affordable, an escort service will definitely feel like an investment. If you’re not quite financially able to throw a few cool thousands toward an evening of sex, Singer says to try shopping online — but with a lot of caution.

 

Googling “threesome dating site” will give you a big variety of results, and to make it easier to weed out the duds from the good experiences, Singer has a few tips. “The main thing to remember when it comes to any dating site is the reputation they have for fair and honest billing practices and iron-clad privacy protection (remember AshleyMadison, anyone?),” she warns.

 

With that in mind, here are some of the best hookup sites to look into:

 

XMatch

Best For: Joining The Community

When you’re first getting started, a simple turn on for you might be browsing through this robust database of folks of similar kink and fetish. Images are a bit appeal to this site and there’s also plenty of chatting going on, so you can dip your toes in without suggesting the rest of your body to follow — just yet. This site is also trusted among the swings community and known for its access to quick, fun and easy connections. So when you’re ready to make a move, there will be plenty of choices to get you started.

 

Check out XMatch

FriendFinder-X

Best For: Newbies

Before you raise an eyebrow at the PG-rated name, rest assured that this site is anything but missionary position. In fact that added ‘X’ at the end of the name speaks volumes. This is considered the go-to website for many within the swingers community, mainly because it’s about as open-minded as you can get. Here, you can chat about your fetishes ad nauseam, or actually meet up in real life for a sexual encounter that fulfills your fantasy. This pick is best for those who are a little nervous about exploring their fantasies and want to ease into the experience slowly. You can take your time to meet new folks and enter into the “real word” at your own pace. The choice is yours, the orgasm is up for grabs.

 

Check out FriendFinder-X

AdultFriendFinder

Best For: Couples

Another sexy choice for your threesome partner search is this appropriately named website. Also a trusted destination by the community you’re seeking to join, you can browse through profiles, find folks who have a shared X-rated interest and much more. With an easy-to-navigate platform, you won’t have to waste too much time searching for what you need, but instead, you’ll be able to source and spot those who are looking for what you’re looking for, and get the conversation revved up ASAP. Much like its less-intense pal site above, this website might be better suited for couples. To truly ensure that you both have your needs met, make use of their large database; it will add a new layer of eroticism to your relationship.

 

Check out AdultFriendFinder

 

3. Make It Happen

 

Once you’ve found the site that works best for you and your partner, how do you get started? Here are some basic steps to turn up the heat and find that threesome you’re both dreaming about:

 

Step 1: Set Up a Profile

 

Depending on what you want out of the experience or what you mutually agree upon as a couple, you’ll have to decide if you want to set up a couple profile or an individual one. The perk of an online dating profile made for two is that the threesome partner can easily figure out if they’re attracted to what you mutually offer, without having to be introduced to another half at a later date.

 

Step 2: Pick the Right Photos

 

Into S&M? Or maybe like foot play? How about role play? Whatever your shared kink, make sure your photos illustrate what gets you both turned on and ready to roll around. Though it’s okay to have a few individual shots — especially ones that show off your bodies — it’s also a smart idea to have couple images, so a possible joiner can see how you interact with one another.

 

Step 3: Send a Message

 

Once you both find someone you both find attractive, it’s time to get the conversation moving! Your opening message shouldn’t be too strong or too subtle, but a perfect balance in between. Most online dating experts suggests beginning with a statement - preferably one that’s complimentary or comments on a shared interest — and ending with a question, to provoke sexy banter.

 

 

 

Chapter 5 - Let's Talk

Signs She's Willing To Have A Threesome

 

 

 

A threesome is arguably every man’s ultimate fantasy. But making that fantasy a reality is no easy feat. So how can one determine whether the person they’re in a relationship with would ever be open to one? I personally have know idea. That’s why I’ve reached out to somebody who does know.

 

The person I spoke to was Chris Maxwell Rose, an independent sex educator and one of two founding members of Pleasure Mechanics, a website that serves as a vast electronic library of sexual knowledge, the riches of which are shared through online classes taught by both Rose and her partner. When it comes to threesomes, you could say Rose wrote the book on it. Because, well, she did.

Using the knowledge from her comprehensive guide, How To Have A Threesome, we’ve compiled some key traits to look for in a partner who’s willing to have a threesome — because if she isn’t, results can get ugly. Let’s make this fantasy happen, guys!

 

1. She’s Open To New Erotic Adventures

Before you even consider a threesome, you should probably take some baby steps prior. By doing this, you can better gauge her interest. “Whether it’s bringing new toys into the bedroom or having sex in the great outdoors, try a few adventures that are just for two before considering bringing a third on board,” Rose says.

 

2. She’s Willing To Share Fantasies

“The first step towards having a great threesome is talking about it in explicit detail,” Rose begins. “Flesh out your fantasies together and see where your desires overlap. If she can’t talk in dirty details, she’s not ready for the real thing.”

 

3. She’s Willing To Watch Porn

“Not all women are into porn — but if she’s down with watching porn together once in awhile, it’s a good sign that she’ll be up for a threesome,” Rose point outs. For best results, Rose advises you let your lady be in charge of the pornographic material and have her compile a sexy playlist (“Try feminist porn or amateur porn,” she suggests) and then discuss what you both find hot as you watch. This will frame the fantasy and give you some ideas to play around with.

 

4. She Wants To Take Baby Steps Towards a Threesome

“In our book How To Have A Threesome, we outline several baby steps (as mentioned earlier in this article) towards a full-on threesome so you don’t have to risk it all at once.” So instead of going all-in, Rose suggests you instead experiment with small steps (again, like we’ve mentioned prior; you can watch porn together, share fantasies, whatever it may be) that will help you find your comfort zone together without risking your entire relationship in the process.

 

5. She Loves Sex

“To have a great threesome, you need three people who really love sex,” Rose states. “This doesn’t mean she has to be multi-orgasmic or acrobatic in bed, but an authentic enjoyment of touch, sensuality and arousal will go a long way.”

 

 

6. She Is Sexually Confident

Many women struggle with sexual confidence, and any shame or guilt about sex is going to get in the way of a great threesome, Rose says. What are some traits of these sexually confident women? These women are happy lounging naked, have no problem being seen in the throes of orgasm, and are open to experiment in the bedroom. “These are all great traits for her to have before you invite a third to your party,” she adds.

 

7. She Doesn’t Compete With Other Women

“Our culture encourages intense competition between women — and this pattern can get in the way during threesomes,” Rose declares. To enjoy sharing her man with another guy, a woman needs to love the company of other women, be turned on by other women’s bodies, and not freak out if the other woman’s boobs are bigger or her orgasms are more intense, or whatever else might incite sexual competition. “Of course, the same goes for guys if you are planning a MMF threesome,” she adds.

 

8. She Loves Flirting — And Watching You Flirt

“If she can’t handle watching you flirt with other women, forget about a threesome,” Rose advises. “But if you both get turned on by watching one another turn on the charm, it is a good sign that you’ll get super aroused watching one another during a threesome.”

 

9. She Experiences Compersion, Not Jealousy

“Compersion” is a term coined to describe the opposite of erotic jealousy. Compersion is all about feeling pleasure when your partner receives pleasure from someone else,” Rose mentions. “Does she get excited when you have a great night out with the guys, or does she sulk? Is she happy for you when you spend a day finishing up that project in the garage, or does she make you feel guilty? Check in about how much compersion vs. jealousy she is expressing, in and out of the bedroom.”

 

10. It’s Her Fantasy Too

The ultimate sign that she’ll be up for a threesome? It’s her fantasy as well! “You can look for signs that she’ll be into a threesome, but ultimately you can never convince or coerce her into participating if threesomes don’t authentically turn her on.” The best way to find out if she is into a threesome, you say? Ask her!

 

 

Top 10: First Kiss Tips

 

 

 

Ahh, the first kiss. It’s one of life’s sweetest moments — but if you don’t plan and execute it correctly, it can be an acutely embarrassing experience. Pulling off a great first kiss can be the difference between scoring yourself a second date and being ghosted the next time you send a tentative, “Hey, how’s it going?” text. So how do you make sure you get it right? Here are the top 10 first kiss tips:

 

1. Be Sure Your Date Wants To Kiss You

 

You can’t kiss someone who doesn’t want to kiss you back, so make sure your date has demonstrated a clear interest in you. Use your judgment here: If you’ve been getting along really well, you’re sitting somewhere romantic, she’s touching her hair, giggling at all your jokes and patting you fondly on the arm… well, kiss her. That’s your moment. You could ask directly — “Would it be OK if I kissed you?” — but many women report being turned off by this question, and would prefer you exercised judgment and took control. Read the individual situation and make sure you act respectfully, but forthrightly.

 

2. Make Sure Your Breath Is Fresh

 

Fresh breath is a very basic requirement for any kiss, let alone the first with a new person. You should be exercising good oral hygiene all year round, and not only on the night of your date (that is, brushing your teeth twice a day and flossing daily, just like your dentist told you to.) If you know you have a date lined up and a first kiss might be on the cards, skip the raw onions and cigarettes in the preceding hours. (Maybe skip cigarettes in general? They’re bad for you.)

 

3. Set The Scene

 

You don’t want your first kiss to take place in a noisy, messy setting, and you probably don’t want it to be somewhere too brightly lit or conspicuous, either. Consider whether you will be locking lips in front of an audience and ask yourself, “Is it appropriate to kiss here?” A crowded bar or dance floor is fine, but if you’re in a low-key environment or surrounded by small children, it might not be the best place to suck on each other’s faces. Consider others around you and their reasonable aversion to PDA, plus the comfort level of your date. A low-lit, quiet and romantic setting is your best bet here.

 

4. Smell Good

 

We’ve already covered the topic of fresh breath, but to secure a great first kiss it’s important to consider how the rest of you is smelling, too. You’re going to be in close proximity to another person, so sweatiness or B.O. will be seriously off-putting for your date. On the flip side, smelling like a well-selected cologne or of fresh soap will make your date swoon. Kissing is not just a tactile experience, it’s an olfactory one too; so make sure you have all her senses soaring (in a good way!)

 

5. Position Yourself Strategically

 

Unless you’re sitting close to your date and facing towards her, you’re making the approach unnecessarily hard for yourself. You don’t want to be leaning in from 3 feet away or surprising her with a kiss she isn’t sure is coming, so give her a hint of your intentions by sidling up close and touching her hand or lower back in anticipation — once you’ve received clear signals to proceed, of course.

 

6. Approach Smoothly

 

A clumsy or over-forceful lean in could spoil the kiss before it has even started, so try to make your approach as smooth as possible. In the movie Hitch, Will Smith’s character advocates the 90/10 Rule: you lean in 90% of the way when initiating the first kiss, and wait for her to meet your lips by making up the remaining 10%. In real life, of course, there are no hard and fast rules, but the 90/10 rule is a useful guideline; encouraging you to take charge of the situation while still allowing your date some input and agency.

 

7. Use Your Hands

 

Your hands are an important tool for elevating your first kiss from mediocre to memorable. They shouldn’t be hanging limply while you are kissing: You might cup her face, hold hands or graze her thigh or lower back, depending on the level of intimacy you want to create. Err on the side of tentative touching than full on groping, and give her space to touch you back, too.

 

8. Go Easy On The Tongue

 

Too much tongue is an oft-reported kissing turnoff for women. A great first kiss will involve mostly lip-to-lip contact, and, when you do decide to reveal it, your tongue should be tentatively probing hers rather than swishing around her mouth or repeatedly darting in and out of it. Control your level of saliva, too — there are few things less appealing than someone else’s drool in your mouth.

 

9. Time The Kiss Right

 

“How long should a kiss be?” is like asking, “how long is a piece of string?”, but ideally a first kiss shouldn’t go on and on for eternity. If both of you want to make out for a solid 10 minutes that’s up to you, but generally a relatively short session will be comfortable and appropriate, and build anticipation for a second kiss.

 

10. Consider Your Follow-Up

 

Success! You landed a first kiss. Now what? Don’t just sit there in silence like a shell-shocked teen who can’t believe his luck. The immediate aftermath of a first kiss is potentially awkward territory, and the best thing you can do to diffuse the moment is say something. “I’ve been wanting to do that for ages” is a slightly cliche but flattering line, or you could use the post-kiss lull to land a genuine compliment. Whatever you do, keep the mood alive and avoid crashing into an anticlimax. That’s all you need to do to make sure your first kiss is a great one.

In sum: be respectful, take charge, smell good and go easy on the tongue — oh, and don’t forget to enjoy the moment, too.

 

 

HOW TO ATTRACT WOMEN

 

 

 

 HOW TO ATTRACT WOMEN

 

(The 5 rules)

 

What better way to learn how to attract women than by learning from a woman?

I know I know, most women usually dish out the same old vague and nice but essentially ineffective advice such as:

“Just be yourself”
“Be more confident”
“Make her laugh”

Which in all fairness is pretty lame! And you are probably sick of your female friends giving you weak feedback. Equally, you are also probably tired of hearing the arrogant and ineffective advice from your male friends.

However, have you ever considered what it would be like to get an HONEST female opinion and an HONEST and NO NONSENSE and DIRECT insight into the female mind?

Obtaining such a powerful tool, is something that most male dating coaches and so called pick up artists will struggle to give you.

 

Kezia Noble

(published author of the best selling book ‘The Noble Art Of Seducing Women”

I have taught over 18,000 men HOW TO ATTRACT WOMEN, regardless of their age, social status,income,height, cultural background and initial sticking points.

It has taken much time and much trial error and to find out what the ingredients are to attract women, and of course mastering the art of attracting women requires practice, but here are the 5 MAIN RULES that are vital in your success of attracting women and how to talk to a girl.

Men need to understand and follow these rules in order to attract an abundance of women into their lives.

 

RULE 1

 

Always view a ‘negative’ as a potential ‘positive’

A girls says she has boyfriend. Most guys see this as a block or a sign of rejection, where as a man who is able to attract women, will reply with the responses that I provide him, to turn her statement into an opportunity to win her over. In time, all my students are able to come up with their own BRILLIANT responses that result in turning the whole interaction around into their favour!

 

RULE 2

 

Make a strong IMPACT by pattern breaking.

You need to stand out from all the other men who try to pick her up. She has heard every line in the book! What makes you stand out from all the others? What is your opening line? What is your response to her reaction, and your reaction to her response?
You temporarily become a TV commercial. You have a 1 minute slot, what are you going to do? Are you going to say the same old crap every other guy says to her? Or are you going to make impact?

 

RULE 3

 

Make a CONNECTION

 

This does NOT mean you should agree with her opinions, or points of views, or even have ANYTHING IN COMMON with her!
Connection means challenging her opinions and ideals which will result in conveying the fact that you too share her ‘passion’ in whatever it is you believe in.It also means getting behind the mask she wears ( every girl wears a mask)

A girl is NEVER looking for an agreeable man who nods his head to what ever she says. She is e looking for men who can challenge her and who can MATCH her passion regardless whether his opinions are in line with her or not.

Mr Nice guy always finishes last, because Mr Nice guy is bland, forgettable and replaceable, and is a compulsive head nodder.

 

RULE 4

 

ALWAYS demonstrate high value.

 

Women are looking for a man that is in a higher position than they are mentally and emotionally.

This does not means they are looking for a guy who is richer than they are or who has a good job, or who has a high social status. The truth is, they are looking for a man who is stronger than them in regards to his character and sense of direction, and what he wants out of life!

Weakness is a major TURN OFF for women! Uncertainty and having an apologetic nature will totally RUIN your chances of attracting women.

 

RULE 5

 

Always be closing.

 

Men often end up in the dreaded ‘friend zone’ as a result of a multitude of reasons ( Including the lack of understanding of all the elements mentioned above) But the main reason why guys simply end up as the forever ‘lovable companion’, is because they fFAIL to CLOSE or SEAL the deal with the girl they like. Men get side tracked, they lose their nerve, their miss opportunities, and they

just simply DO NOT know what to do!

The ability to escalate the interaction from something plutonic to something sexual is as skill in itself , and it is something myself and my incredible team of both male and female instructors on the team teach men how to do on our PICK UP COURSES.

 

 

THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER SAY TO A GIRL

 

 

 

What you should not say to a girl

 

1) “I bet you get hit on all the times by guys”

 

NO NO NO! Stop giving her so much validation, regardless of whether she gets hit on all the time or not! If you mention it, you are either immediately playing up to her ego or reminding her of the reality she faces every time she goes out to a club.
You automatically put yourself in a lower position in the interaction and plus you are essentially saying to her “ And so I’m just another one of those guys who will be hitting on you too” You gain nothing from telling her this, and in fact you will make it even harder for yourself if you do.

 

2) “I feel nervous..”

 

Never tell a girl that she’s making you nervous or convey any message that your unsure or anxious when you’re around her. A lot of guys think that this will gain them sympathy and that as a result she will somehow give him a break. Although she can indeed feel sympathy towards you, it will never result in giving you that break. In fact, she will just see you as the sweet nervous guy that gave it a shot. Girls do not sleep with guys out of sympathy! And nerves, as endearing as they might be, are not a turn on.

 

3) “Do you have a boyfriend?”

 

Never ask her this. There are many ways to find out if she is with someone, but an outright question like this will show her what your intention is way too soon, and very often girls will reply yes, even if their ‘boyfriend’ is just someone she is casually dating. As soon as she says ‘yes’, there will be a massive shift in the interaction, and that shift will not be a positive one.

 

4) “I bet you hear this all the time..”

 

Like the first point, it immediately puts you in the same category as the men who HAVE said it to her before. It also unnecessarily feeds her ego. Whatever it is that you want to say to her, say it without a hint of apology or uncertainty, and if you genuinely feel that it does sound like a cliche then try something else that is more unique.

 

 

5) “Can I have your number?”

 

Never say “can I” It sounds like you are asking her permission, instead there are dozens of other ways to get her number without having to use the dreaded ‘Can I..” option.
A command such as “Put your number in my phone..” will be way more effective. Always presume she has agreed without asking.

 

 

 

 

 

 THE ART OF SELF MARKETING

 

 

 

 

The Art Of Self Marketing

 

 

In this article, I want to share a short excerpt from my latest book ‘How To Make Her Want You’ which touches on the value of self marketing.
Self promotion is vital when it comes to achieving success with women, and it is often overlooked by most dating coaches. Most other dating coaches will encourage their students to just be themselves, which is good advice if just being youself has served you well in the past, however, I suspect that’s not the case if someone feels the need to go to a dating coach in the first place.
Now I admit that the phrase ‘self marketing’ does sound a little clinical and even slightly calculated, but in my experience from helping thousands of men over the last 10 years, it’s much better to go in with a self marketing strategy than the alternative which is just a lazy free style approach that depends heavily on luck.

Instead of approaching a woman with the mindset of :
“Well I hope we just kind of click”

Or:
“I hope the conversation flows well so she can get to see my best qualities at some point”

Make the choice to take control of the situation and focus on conveying the very best and most attractive version of your self from the very start.

 

 

 

 

Here is the short excerpt from my book:

 

 

‘You have five minutes to sell your most valuable product’

The reason why women probably keep seeing you as just the Nice Guy (even though you now know that you’re so much more than just that) is because on some level, this is how you have chosen to present yourself. You most likely have chosen a weak marketing campaign to sell your most valuable product. YOU.

 

Take this for example:

I want you to think of your three best attributes. One of those attributes could be your own particular brand of humour or your ability to connect with others, one of them could be your altruistic nature, your informed views on current affairs, your intellect, your playfulness, another one could be your passion for your work, your happy-go-lucky positivity, it could even be your witty cynicisms. Whatever those three attributes are, I want you to ask yourself this one question:

 

“How often do I convey those three attributes within in the first five minutes or ten minutes or even twenty minutes of an interaction?”

 

The answer probably is hardly ever. Which is one of the reasons for why you are failing to make a strong impact. You have chosen to conceal your most valuable assets, maybe with the intention to reveal them at a later stage, like some sort of dramatic plot twist half way into a movie, but in reality if you wait that long, then she will probably mentally block out the possibility of getting to really know you before you even get the opportunity to make that ‘plot twist’, and as a result, the unnecessary delay will make the whole process of building up attraction a lot more difficult to achieve. You can’t afford to wait for the right moment to convey your attributes, or prolong the interaction until you’re comfortable and relaxed enough to finally be your true attractive and authentic self.

There’s no way to sugar-coat this, but you’ve got around 2-15 minutes to shine with a woman, and when I say shine, I don’t mean you should sell yourself like some sort of a stripper desperate to make an extra twenty-bucks on the last hour of her shift. When I use the term shine it means you need to make sure that you are adequately using your ‘time slot’ in order to show her your best attributes, and to connect with her and make impact in a completely NON-NEEDY way, and that’s the hard part that I’m hopefully going to make a lot easier for you to accomplish by the end of this chapter..

 

 

ARE WOMEN ONLY ATTRACTED TO SUCCESSFUL MEN?

 

Because this is not a questions that can be answered with a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no,’ I will answer this question in stages.
Firstly, success in a man is usually considered to be an attractive quality. Success is indicative of self belief, self empowerment and it is associated with someone possessing strength in character, these are the root reason for why success can be a powerful attraction trigger. However, a man can convey these exact same attractive attributes without having a successful career. A man can display confidence, self belief, strength of character and high value without having accolade or prestige.

The ability to attract women without relying on achievements, status and bank statements is essentially what I believe men should be focusing on improving.

It’s a little like a beautiful woman who relies solely on her looks until they eventually fade as opposed to a less physically blessed women who has had to work on her personality throughout her life The latter will be able to attract more men because she has the skills to attract without relying on her diminishing beauty.

A successful or wealthy man can often lazily rely on his prestige and achievements to generate him results, which begs the question; What if he lost that success? What would he have left to rely on? How would he cope going back to ground zero?

A few years ago, an out of work actor enrolled onto my Mastery Program. He turned out to be an actor who used to play a leading role in a hugely popular soap drama in the UK. He hadn’t been on TV for at least a decade, and as a result he had found himself falling into deep slump of depression. He told me how easy it was to attract women when he was on TV, all he had to do was walk into a bar or club and women would throw themselves at him. But as time went on, and his fame withered, so did his success rate with women. He had relied on the accolade and neglected the core skills to attract women.

When the external trappings have disappeared you essentially only have your character, conversation banter, presence, inner confidence and game to fall back on.

So why not focus on both?
Why not take care of your career, your social life and health without neglecting the other key area of your life? Your dating, sex and love life needs just as much attention and investment.

Millions of men are frustrated, and who can blame them? For years society has told them that so long as they got a good job, worked hard and became a financially comfortable, then success with women would follow, only to find out that having these kind of assets have made hardly any difference to their success rate with women.

 

Around 80% of the men who attend my 7-Day Mastery Program are considered ‘successful’ where their careers are concerned, and yet, they still struggled to attract women. Tyler, who is 34, and hugely successful had finally realised that nothing was really working for him. In the induction on day one of his program with us, I asked him how much time and effort in the last 10 years he had put into his work, his social life and going to the gym It turned out that almost 90% of his time was dedicated to making his career go from strength to strength, and the other 10% was spent on looking good (gym) and keeping up to date with his friends. No wonder he was struggling to attract the kind of women he wanted to be with. For too many years, he had blindly followed the popular but ultimately misleading mantra : “First you get the money, then you get the power, then you get the women”

 

 

 DATING AFTER A BREAK UP

 

 

 

(What your friends and other dating coaches won’t tell you)

 

 

Couple sitting face-to-face at restaurant table, smiling

 

Since 2006 I have been helping men increase their success rate with women and generate better and more fulfilling results.
A fair amount of the men who come to me are guys who have either recently got divorced or have come out of a long term relationship. Some have kids, some don’t, some are as young as 25 and some are as old as 64. Although their age, cultural background and career status may differ, they all share these FOUR major issues when they have finally made the decision to take action and renter the dating world.

 

1. The dating scene has changed.

 

The dating scene is always changing, we all know that, but in the last 10 years it has changed on dramatically rapid level. Wether it has become better or worse is a separate matter entirely, the point is this huge change can be very intimidating for someone who has not dated anyone for a long period of time.
However, although there are indeed always changes in the nuances of social dynamics from generation to generation, the rules of attraction remain the same and always will. Which is why on the 7-Day Mastery Programwe show men how to apply those solid rules of attraction that cut through all the bullshit that unfortunately most men spend too much time focusing on.

 

2. Approach anxiety.

 

If you have just come out of a long term relationship, they you probably haven’t approached a woman for a very long time. Approach anxiety can be crippling. It affects people feel about themselves on many levels and can be incredibly frustrating. My blueprint to complete freedom from approach anxiety is something we share on day one of the 7-Day Mastery Program, it’s important that men get handle on this, rather then relying on making approaches via online dating sites and apps.

 

 

3. Lack of confidence.

 

You might feel like a failure because your relationship failed but that kind of negative mindset is what you need to eliminate as possible, because it eventually becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. I always pose the following questions to the men who come to me
“Haven’t you been through enough? What do you achieve by carrying around that mental and emotional baggage? How is it serving you?”
Some of the men have had time to heal and reflect, and have managed to build up a little more confidence in themselves, but until they are actually back in the dating scene getting real tangible results, that confidence they have managed to get back is usually short lived.

 

4. The inability to seduce

 

After a while, you never really had to seduce your partner .You both just kind of ended up having sex in evening. Maybe on her birthdays there was a bit of flirting for old time sakes, but on the whole, the sex just happened. Although the sex might have been OK, that incredible thrill of the seduction process had been missing for a long time, and a consequence, you lost that charm and capability that made her so attracted to you in the first place. Most attraction experts will not go into the detail of seduction and actual sexual escalation. They might give some basic flirting tips, but in my opinion that’s not enough. The attraction triggers, non-verbal and verbal sexual escalation techniques that I share with the men who come to me are what I believe really gets them those results. Let’s face it, the last thing you want is to get into a never ending cycle of friend zones with women that you’re attracted to.
Although me and my team of experienced instructors teach men how to have more impactful conversations with women and make stronger and more exciting connections with them, we feel it is extremely important that the men who come to us know exactly what they have to do next in order to turn those connections into something more than just friendships.

 

TAKING THE FIRST STEP

 

It’s never easy coming out of a longterm relationship, and the temptation to wait for months and even years to heal can actually be dangerous. You can literally find yourself going from one comfort zone to another one. Evenings spent scrolling through online dating profiles and hours upon hours spent on reflecting on the past will only lead you to either bitterness or nostalgic fantasies. Neither of those predicaments will get you results. Neither of them will make you happy.

 

MY ONLY INTENTION IS TO GET YOU RESULTS.

 

I know what I’m saying sounds harsh, and maybe you were hoping for someone to tell you to just keep strong, and maybe attend a speed dating event when you’re finally healed and ready, but hat kind of well meaning but redundant advice is not something you will ever hear me dish out.

 

You need to get move on with your life. You need to stop making the same mistakes whilst expecting a different result. If you’ve tried to do this alone and had no success, then you have essentially two options. You can either stubbornly carry on doing it alone and get no where, or you can do it with us and get real results in just 7 DAYS.

Every single man who has attended the 7-Day Mastery Program has turned his life around and is now in a far better, far more exciting and far more fulfilling chapter in his life.

 

Have a look through some of these video testimonials we have received from past students who took action. Hopefully their personal journeys will give you the motivation to do the same.

Chapter 6 - Enough Lies (Experiences)

 She’s Young, DUMB, and Ready For Your D--k…

 

 

 

 

I admit it…

She wasn’t the smartest girl I’ve ever met.

Ok, that’s putting it mildly.

She was dumb.

Like, really dumb.

I mean, if dumb were dirt – she’d have about 40 acres.

But my God she was HOT,
and that ASS... was unreal.

So what was I to do?

What would YOU have done?

Talk about a moral dilemma!

Well, I’m proud to say that in the end, I did the right thing:
I made sweet love to that perfect body all night long.

Because hey, dumb girls need love too!

And who was I to deprive her of what she really wanted?
(A man twice her age.)

Yes, admittedly, talking to her was a bit like getting
a root canal without novocaine…

But I had a simple solution…

We talked with our bodies.

And in the end, it was wonderful.

Yes, our relationship never evolved into something deeper.
But it was special anyway – based almost entirely on playfulness,
cuddling, and sexual chemistry.

Now here’s the lesson…

A certain percentage of younger women (18-30 years old)
LOVE older guys (40-60 years old)...

And her love for older guys has NOTHING to do
with her intelligence.

I’ve slept with younger women who were brilliant,
and I’ve slept with younger women who…
thought “Old Spice” was for cooking.

The fact is, SOME young women
(regardless of her looks or her intelligence)
are almost exclusively attracted to older guys.

Sometimes much older.

 

 

 

 

 

Never Do This With a Girl You Like...

 

 

Hey,


If you've ever wanted to confess your feelings and tell a girl just how much you like her...


STOP!


Don't do it man.


Telling her how you feel is one of the DUMBEST things you could do.


I know it might sound harsh...


But if you want her to truly want you... think about you sexually... and maybe even fall for you...


Then you have to make her UNCERTAIN about you.


Keep her on her toes, so she never knows for sure whether you like her or not.


My buddy Mike calls this Keeping Her in "The Gap."


He explains it really well in this video...


Click Here To Watch It


According to Mike:


"The Gap is that uncertain grey-area between 'he likes me' and 'he's not interested'."


You always want to keep women in "The Gap."


For example...


Smile and give her a hug... then tell her she's a troublemaker and turn away from her. Show that you like her... but maybe you don't REALLY like her... both at the same time. Trust me, it'll drive her nuts.


Another example...


Text back and forth with her for hours, then STOP... and don't get back to her for a whole day. Her mind will go crazy wondering why she's not hearing back from you.


One more example...


At a bar or party, talk to the girl you like... then talk to her friend. And then talk to another girl, and another... Give every girl an equal amount of attention, so none of them are never sure which one you like the most.


You'll know you're doing it right when they all start fighting for your approval.


The idea is simple.


The longer you can keep a girl in "The Gap," the more she will start to obsess over you in her mind...


She'll be desperately thinking...


"Am I good enough for him?"


"Does he think I'm cute?"


"Does he want me?"


"God, I hope he wants me..."


"What can I do to make sure he wants me?"


Have you ever noticed that when a girl does that to YOU, it makes you want her more?


It drives you crazy when she's sending mixed signals like that... you can't get her off your mind.


So keep her in The Gap, and she will feel the same way about you.

 

 

 

How to (passively) Attract Women with ease (do today)

 

 

 

 

My dude!

This morning I woke up in #BEASTMODE

Got my morning workout in. And even had time to masterminded with the one and only Dean Graziosi before writing this email...

That said, I hope you're having a dapper morning as well!

Because today we're going to cover a SUPER important topic...

RAW Masculine Confidence.

Have you ever heard that to get women, you need to be "confident"?

Have you ever thought advice like "be confident" is worthless because it offers you zero actionable value?

...Yeah, me too.

But here's the truth, confidence IS important. That's why I'm about to reveal the SECRET to having real confidence...


Most people don't actually know what it means to be "confident"...



And a lot of people simply think they are confident when they actually have the LEAST amount of it.



In a nutshell, here is my simple

definition of RAW confidence:



You know WHO you are.

You know WHAT you stand for.

You know WHERE you're going.

And you don't feel the need to prove yourself to anybody.



When you have all of those things in order for yourself, you can confidently say that you are a "confident" individual.



I'll give you a quick example...



Up until recently, I was not very active on Facebook (or any social media)...



Starting last week, I started to contribute some value to Facebook groups that revolve around dating advice.



And I was doing this in my free time, expecting nothing in return...



I would comment on questions that other guys would post in these groups.



...Offering some insight on what I would personally do in their situation, or what I've found to work for my clients. And the responses I got were very interesting...



For the most part, guys would be super THANKFUL for me contributing value.



One guy even took IMMEDIATE action on exactly what I told him to text a girl, and he had a date planned with her for that night.



#F*CKINGDOPE



But there was a few guys who HATED that some "dating coach" was giving them advice...



One guy replied to a comment of mine, and said "I don't need your advice. I'm a master at game. My results speak for themselves."



... Reactive much?



Another guy replied to my comment and called me (and I quote) a "dum cunt"



... couldn't even spell "dumb" right?



When I see men who REACT in negative ways, and try to PROVE themselves, and their worth to the world... I know that is a NON-confident person.



If there is one thing you remember from this email, remember this...



"The loudest guy in the room has

the MOST to prove."



Period.



So back to my definition of #RAW Confidence:



You know WHO you are.

You know WHAT you stand for.

You know WHERE you're going.

And you don't feel the need to prove yourself to anybody.



Here's a personal example...



I recently hit 6500 subscribers on my Youtube channel.



Which is dope.



And we're only getting started. My goal is 1 MILLION.



But what a lot of guys probably don't realize is that it took me making 200+ videos JUST to get that many subscribers...


And for at least the first 60 of those videos, almost NOBODY was watching.



It's what keeps you hustling when the cards are stacked against you...



If I didn't know WHO I was, WHAT I stood for, and WHERE I was going... Then I would have quit making videos a LOOOONG time ago.



But luckily, I kept making videos because I KNEW that my advice had the ability to change lives.



I didn't make them to PROVE myself to anybody else. If anything, I made the videos for ME.



And look at us now... We're growing faster than ever!



That my friend is true, #RAW masculine confidence.



So here's how this applies to you...



The next time a girl looks at you and smiles. How are you going to interpret that?



You can think "this girl is making fun of me" or "this girl is clearly attracted to me."



Whatever you CHOOSE to think will show in your demeanor.



Based on how you interpret the situation, people will see your confidence (or lack of it).



Or what about this situation...



When you have a crucial business deal coming in, and the other person makes an offer that OFFENDS you...



Will you get mad, or reactive?



Or will you politely reject them, and move on with your life BECAUSE you have confidence that your money/success will come regardless of how this deal plays out...?



This actually happened to me recently, too!



This company named Jawzrsize hit me up, and wanted me to make a video promoting their product... (a product that is supposed to make your jaw more chiseled... But as a former Dental student, I'm 99% sure it will injure your jaw before it helps it)



Here's what they said:





...In other words, he wanted me to say that the tips I gave in my video were all SH*T compared to using his product.

Did I respond by getting offended?

Did I become reactive?

Did I sell out for the money?

ABSOLUTELY NOT.

I requested 10x more money to give an HONEST review!



And I made it clear that either way, I'm good. Money or no money.

THAT, my friend, is RAW confidence.

And it's also how you get your way in life, with the least amount of stress possible.

So let me ask you, are you going to start cultivating RAW masculine confidence in your own life??

The choice is completely up to YOU.



Hope that helps.

 

Chapter 7 - Let's Talk (Part 2)

 The TRUTH about never running out of things to say

 

 

 

 

True "Authenticity"

WTF does that even mean -- "authentic"

Have you ever heard B.S. dating and social advice like "just be yourself"?

Or "the nice guy always wins"...

It's the crap that your mother fills you with when you're a young lad just trying to hustle his way through life.

And although, yes, it IS crap...

I want to take a few sex today to tell you about my take on "Just Be Yourself."

It works.

It truly is good advice. It just happens to normally come from someone who doesn't know what the f*ck they're talking about.

Which is why ya boi is about to tell you exactly HOW and WHY to just be yourself, bro.

Now I often get asked things like "What do I say to a girl when I walk up to her and approach her?"

"What should I have said in 'x' situation when I wanted to approach that girl?"

Or "I was talking to this girl, and I said an 'opener' that I learned... But then I ran out of things to say. What should I have done?"

And here's the hard cold TRUTH...

I could never tell you the "right" thing to say.

What you say is almost irrelevant.

In fact it's been scientifically proven that the actual content of your words is only 7% of the impression you're making in that moment.

The other 93% is made up of Body Language, and Vocal Tonality.

Let's do a thought experiment right now...

Imagine this:

Think really hard about the time you first met your best friend.

Like seriously think about it.

Picture it.

What happened?

Where were you at?

How did you meet?

What were you doing?

What did it smell like?

Did you like them at first, or did it take some time?

The TRUTH is...

You are probably really good at remembering what happened and all the other fine details. However...

You probably have no clue the exact words that were exchanged, and what your conversations were about.

You really only remember how those conversations made you feel.

So HERE is the hard cold truth about "what you say" during conversation when you meet a girl...

You will NEVER be laying in bed with some girl you just seduced, and then hear her say... "You know Deyth, your seduction was really good, however your opening line needed some work. Seriously, that sh!t was weak."

She will NEVER say that!

The only thing she is going to remember is HOW she felt about what you were saying to her.

And now that we know this law of attractively conversing, let's get down to what your REAL enemy is here.

Your own worst enemy in banging the women of your choice is:

Are you acting in a way that makes her raise her defenses?

A good friend of mine, Marni The Wing Girl made a great point to me the other day...

She said that women are masters at reading if you are lying or not. They have to be.

Back in the day, when we were all cave people, the men would go out and hunt for dinner, while the women were left behind to protect the cave...

So in order to protect the humble abode, she had decipher if some random stranger passing by the cave was trustworthy or not...

In order to do this women became very good at QUICKLY reading subtle social cues.

She had to decipher if this man was being TRUE to himself (aka trustworthy) or if something fishy was going on here.

That's why if you roll up to a woman and say something that you don't really want to say JUST because some "dating coach" told you it would work, then chances are you're f*cked.

And even if she does give you any attention, you'll still have to spend time/energy making up for your un-authentic "opening line".

It's like starting from behind the finish line.

At the end of the day, this all comes down to that very common buzz word that the dating industry likes to throw around like Molly's at the EDM concert...

CONGRUENCE.

I mean just imagine a curious little child...

They are the most Charismatic people around.

They'll walk up to anybody, touch everything, and say exactly how they feel.

If they're mad, they cry. If they're happy, they smile wide.

They keep it at all times.

And it's no wonder that it's next to impossible to hate a little baby.

Just like it's impossible to hate a puppy.

Here's my advice...

The absolute best thing you can say at any moment is this -- Exactly what you feel like saying.

If you're nervous, say "I'm nervous."

If you're curious, ask her what you're curious about.

If you hate that the world is being controlled like mindless sheep walking off of a cliff all because of this "Pokemon Go" bullsh!t, say it.

If you feel like an icy cold pimp, roll up and just say "Hi".

Chances are if your nonverbals are on point, and you're doing it because it's what you truly feel in that moment, then IT WILL WORK.

This is why if you asked a super self-entertaining/charming dude "what did you say", he'd have trouble remembering so he could tell you.

People have always said this about me my whole life...

"Patrick, you're probably just as surprised at the words that come out of your mouth, as everybody else is."

And yes, it's true.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Can you handle this TENSION? (Q+A)

 

 

 

 

 

 

The subtle art of being in f*c.king CONTROL...

Are you in control my handsome friend?



You see, most people ask me ON THE REGULAR... "Patrick. How do I become magnetic?"



Seems like a simple question right?



"How do I get other people to want to be around me?"



"How do I get women to want to want to be around me?"



"...To make the first move on me?"



"...To be the one doing all the work to pursue me?"



I mean it's all pretty much the same question at the end of the day.



And it's a question that MOST "gurus" have absolutely no clue how to answer correctly.



But I'm about to blow your mind with today's email because I recently got a question that deals completely with this conundrum of being the most MAGNETIC version of yourself.



Here's what was sent...



====-==-============-==

"Hey Patrick ba.dass James,



My questions is not game related.



Here it is...



I've been practicing that piercing eye contact, and girls love it...



But all the people that are supposedly my seniors (teachers etc) get all angry and tell me that I am a shameless arrogant kid for holding eye contact with them.



What do I do?



Peace and thanks in advance."

-Karl D.

===-==--==-====-=======--====-=

Great question Karl.

And I thought it was interesting that you said this "isn't" a game related question because the truth is, it is!

Anything that helps out your social skills. Your charisma. Your EYE CONTACT...

Will also help out your success with women!

So don't get it twisted big guy, this is completely related to your game.

That said, let's crush this question...

Going back to the very beginning of this email...

DO YOU KNOW WHY GREAT EYE CONTACT IS SO MAGNETIC?

The only reason having the ability to hold strong, dominant, and piercing eye contact is so seductive is because it implies that you are IN CONTROL.

You can keep your cool under tension.

And your ability to control yourself under tension allows you to now become the FACILITATOR of tension.

Se.xual tension.

Social tension.

Tension is the key.

Because people who are magnetic simply have 1 super power...

The ability to Create, and Facilitate tension.

Because let's face it... Tension is the force that DRIVES action.

It's a law of the universe.

Why do you eat food?

Because that feeling of TENSION in your stomach told your brain that you were hungry, and that you should eat some food.

Why does the earth move in circles around the sun?

Because there is tension called GRAVITY between the Earth and the Sun that keeps this giant rock we live on from flinging into deep space.

Why does a woman slowly make her way over towards a man that catches her eye?

Because there was something alluring about you that created TENSION and told her to move towards you.

Tension = Attraction = Magnetic Pull

I hope this is making sense to you dude because this is very important.

So back to your question...

I would challenge you to question where the ACTUAL fault lies here...

I would argue that you have great eye contact. Regardless of the situation.

You just need to realize how other certain people handle tension themselves.

As the facilitator of tension, you never want to dish out too much of it.

Just like a drug dealer...

A really good drug dealer will deal only the right amount at a time.

He would never give someone so much drugs that they overdose because then he just lost a customer.

But when he deals just the right amount, everybody keeps coming back for more!

So now that you realize that YOU are the facilitator of tension. I want you to start paying attention to how much of it you give to certain people.

Here's a general rule of thumb about eye contact...

There is only 2 ways that people will handle eye contact.

1. They will take it as a sign of se.xual interest.

In which case, the more fuel you add to the fire, the higher the buying temperature.

And the more likely you'll be doing sideways gymnastics with that person in the near future.

Or...

2. They will take it as a sign of confrontation.

In which case, you stimulate a FIGHT or FLIGHT response.

It looks like this may be the case with your "seniors"

So start paying attention to it.

Now obviously you don't want to lose your good eye contact all together. But you also want to stop offending these people who could benefit you.

So from now on I want you to start holding eye contact only 1 second longer than normal.

Right now it seems like you keep the eye contact, and even when YOU yourself feel the urge to look away, you keep the eye contact anyways.

Women love it. Most people don't.

So to maintain your status in those situations. Just hold it for 1 second after you get the urge to look away, and then you can feel free to look away.

It'll create just the right amount of tension to make people realize that you are a DOMINANT man. Who is IN CONTROL of his own state.

Which is magnetic.

ALSO, side note...

What could also be happening is that you are holding eye contact without saying anything...

When you can tell that the person you're looking at is not able to handle the tension, you can also decrease the tension by either talking, or laughing.

The 3 surefire ways to break tension is by:

1. Talking
2. Laughing, or
3. Looking away.

Period.

So with the girls you're talking to. Feel free to spike as much tension as you want. You'll probably notice that THEY break the tension.

Which is good, because if she breaks the tension with laughter, or chatter, then you can rest assured that her attraction for you is going THRU THE ROOF.

But when you are talking to your "seniors" be more aware of how THEIR state is in the moment, and adjust from there.

Hope that helps.

On that note.

Go out. Dominate your day.

And do something that your mother probably wouldn't approve of... ;-)

Chapter 8 - Tactic

Hey friend,
Welcome to…
Think And Kill Your Approach Anxiety
Inside this resource you’ll learn how to kill your approach anxiety in just 90 days.
Frankly, you’ll learn how to change and achieve anything you want with this exercise.
So what is this magic technique?

We’ll, I might disappoint you because you’ve probably already heard about it.
But most people never use it consistently.
Is it because it sounds too good to be true?

Is it because people are always looking for the shiny and new idea or technique?
Is it because people prefer difficult things?
“Hey, if it’s so damn hard it must work.”

I don’t know the answer. But what I do know is that this simple technique works like a charm.
It’s my favorite inner game technique. I use it to make improvements in all areas of my life.
It’s also the number-one technique I teach my private $10,000-a-month clients.
Almost nobody talks about this technique. At least not anymore.
And the few people who teach it are teaching it the wrong way.
Most people who teach it call it “affirmations.”

In 1960, Dr. Maxwell Maltz wrote a book called “Psycho-Cybernetics”. In this book, he
reveals what he learned through his work with his patients: that positive self-affirmations
change people’s self-image.

This was such a powerful discovery that most of the big-name motivational and self-help
experts like Tony Robbins, Brian Tracy, and Zig Ziglar have based their techniques on Dr.
Maxwell Maltz’s work.

Many of the psychological methods used today to train elite athletes are also based on the
concepts of psycho-cybernetics.
We are talking about one of the most powerful methods out there to increase self-esteem
and become more confident.
In fact, we are talking about one of the most powerful methods out there to change anything
you want to change, and achieve any goal you want to achieve.
Of course, this only works as long as you respect the laws of nature. You can tell yourself
millions of times that you can fly like Superman, but you won’t be able to do that. Ever.
But as long as we’re talking about psychological stuff, you can pretty much change
everything you want to change.

Don’t have enough discipline to go to the gym three times a week? Use affirmations and you
will.
Don’t know how to quit smoking? Use affirmations and you will.
Want to date hot models? Use affirmations and you will.
Anthony Robbins says that for some strange reason, he got everything out of life that he
affirmed to himself.

But here’s the problem with the way most people teach affirmations.
Most teach you to say the affirmations out loud.
Why is that a problem?
For starters, there’s just something that feels weird about talking to yourself out loud. Most
people try it once and give up quickly for this reason.
Because you say it out loud, it’s also NOT user-friendly. What if there are people around?
Therefore, you CAN’T always use affirmations when you want to use them. This lack of
flexibility to use them when you want causes people to stop using them.
Luckily, there is a much better and easier way to use affirmations.
Here at Introverted Badass, we teach “thought loops”.
What are thought loops?
Thought loops are affirmations that you loop in your mind. You don’t speak them out loud.
Why is that important?
First, because it’s discreet. You can use them whenever you want: while you’re driving,
walking, on a bus or on a train. You can even use them while you’re working, and nobody will
ever know about it.
This makes it a lot easier to use them. Therefore, you’ll keep using them consistently.
You have to use affirmations for 90 days straight to make a permanent change.
Can you imagine screaming affirmations out loud multiple times a day for three months?
It’s not always possible due to time constraints or various other situations.
On the other hand, if you use thought loops, you’ll always find a way to schedule it in.
That’s because you can do them while you’re doing something else, and it’s all going on
inside your head.

How do you use thought loops?

Here’s an exercise to turn you into a powerful, confident man who attracts women on
autopilot.

 Choose an affirmation. For example: “I’m a truly self-confident man”.
 Make sure it’s positively formulated.
o Wrong: I’m not timid around women.
o Right: I’m over-confident around women.
 Make sure it’s in the present tense.
o Wrong: I will be a truly self-confident man.
o Right: I’m a truly self-confident man.
 Loop it for five minutes in your head.

 The first 10 times you loop it in your head, do it with emotional intensity. So, you start
the exercise by closing your eyes, and inside your head you say your affirmation 10
times with full emotional intensity. After you’ve said it 10 times, you can open your
eyes and keep looping the same affirmation for five minutes while doing something
else.
I find it helpful to use a timer on my phone to remind me the five minutes are up.
Do this for five minutes in the morning and five minutes in the evening.

Three PROVEN Done-For-You Thought Loops

If you want to become more confident, become more of a challenge, and kill all needy
behavior, then use these three PROVEN thought loops.
Use each one of them twice a day for five minutes each. Do this for 90 days straight, without
skipping a single day.

The Approach Machine

I’m an approach machine. When I see a woman I like, I approach her—no matter when, no
matter where.

The Core Confidence Creator:

I’m a TRULY self-confident man! I exude real, natural core confidence!

The Approach Anxiety Destroyer

I love approaching women. Every time I approach women I feel great, confident, and excited.

WARNING:

The first week or two, doing your thought loops might feel like you’re lying to yourself.
That’s because you don’t believe what you’re saying to yourself yet. The trick is to keep
going no matter how you feel about it.
After two to three weeks it’ll feel normal, and you’ll start to accept your thought loops. And
after 90 days the change will be permanent.
You’ll find this works so well, you’ll want to start working on other areas of your life too.
There you go, my friend! You just learned a powerful exercise that will help you achieve
anything you want in life.
The only question left is… how much do you want out of life?
I want you start imagining the impossible.
Now, take action. Start using your thought loops right here and RIGHT NOW.

Chapter 8.1 - Needy Texting Mistakes Guys Make

  

By Texting & French Seduction Expert - Claudia Cox.

If your texting game is weak, it could be ruining your chances of finding love.


Scratch that - it IS ruining your chances of finding love.


And if you’re saying, “But I’m not interested in love, geez. I just wanna have some fun and get laid,” well, we’ve got news for you: A weak texting game is ruining that too.


Girls don’t want needy men. They want cool, confident cats who are assertive and in control. If she doesn’t text back for a while? No big deal. You’ve got other girls to text.


Today, you’ve got it much easier than guys had it in every decade before the new millennium. Back then, they didn’t have a smartphone.


If they wanted to get to know a girl, they had to cross no-man’s land and actually talk to her in person.


They couldn’t hide behind a text and edit their messages before pressing send. They had to cough and splutter and sweat their way to sealing the deal.


You’ve got your phone. You’ve got it easy. You just need some superior texting skills so that you finesse the opposite text so much that she stops texting other guys and focuses on you and you only.


So we’re going to take a look at the sloppy texting mistakes you need to cut out of your game. These mistakes are what make you look needy, and stop you from getting what you want.


Once you clean up your act, your texting game will look a LOT better.


Because - and this is the truth - women HATE needy guys. They don’t just dislike them - they hate them. For real.


Here are a few needy texting mistakes guys make:

 

 

Asking If Things Are Okay

 

Okay, so she hasn’t replied to your text for a few hours. You say to yourself that she’s probably busy.


But then you remind yourself that she was replying to all your previous texts instantly before vanishing. She literally just puffed into thin air.


In such situations, it’s okay to give her a nudge and ask if things are okay, right?


Sure it is. If this is the first time.


If, however, you’ve already trotted out the “Are you still there? Are you okay?” line once or twice before, it’s time to lock that one up forever.


She’s okay. She’s fine. She’s still there. She just isn’t texting you.


No one can say why. Maybe she’s busy. Maybe a friend popped by and distracted her. And hey, maybe she is texting another guy.


It doesn’t mean anything. She’ll get back to you when she remembers. In the meantime, you just need to play it cool and keep on with whatever else you’ve got going on in your life. Go out. Pop a video game on. Text someone else.


Just don’t ask if she’s still there.


 Teasing Her About Her Vanishing Acts

 

Let’s imagine that she performed her vanishing act once more mid-conversation. It was annoying because you were having a laugh before she absconded without warning.


But you did good by not asking if she was still there and if she was okay. In fact, you did really good. It makes you look cool.


And hey, look - she’s come back!


“How are you?” she asks.


There is still an easy needy texting mistake guys make at this point, and it’s one you need to be very wary of. It’s the “Oh look who’s back!” text.


Maybe you play it cool and wait until you need to end the conversation for some reason or other.


So you ask a question and passive-aggressively say something along the lines of“Please answer this quickly now because I know what you’re like for just disappearing!”


Maybe you put a tongue emoji in the text message to ease the tension, soften the blow and show that you’re just joking.


It won’t work, though. She’s got the picture - you’re needy.


If her random vanishing acts are upsetting you, play it cool. Don’t let it get to you. It’s just the way she is.


 Being Too Abrupt and Adopting a “This Is My Only Chance” Mentality

 

Seducing a girl via text is all about staying cool and being flirty funny.


It’s not about being abrupt and dramatic.


If you’re the kind of guy who asks a girl out in your first text message, you’re going to look super needy.


You might reason that this is the only chance you’ll get to ask her out while you’ve got her attention, but if this is your reasoning then you seriously have a lot to improve on.


Look at this: “Wanna go on a date?”


That’s abrupt.


Instead, make her laugh. “Ready to meet, or are you still Googling me 
?”


Remember: lose the “this is my only chance to ask her out” mentality.


Once you lose that, you begin to grow in confidence. You get her to dance to YOUR tune. You’ll lead and she’ll follow. Because guys, we really do like to follow you…

 

 

Note: Okay... but... still I can't blame somebody for what I have done...

 

 

 

5 Proven Teasing Tricks That Work Like Magic

 

 

I want to tell you a fact about women that most introverted men will go to their graves without ever knowing.


It’s the idea of teasing women.


Teasing women is one of the most powerful things you can do to stand out from your competition.


Most beautiful women are sick and tired of dating needy and overly nice guys that all do the exact same things… accommodating their every whish and whim, hemming and hawing, kissing up, and following them around like lovesick puppies.


That’s precisely where teasing comes into play.

If you tease women correctly, you’ll stand out from all the other guys like a diamond in a coal mine.

But you need to do it right. And in this article, I’ll show you exactly how to do it right. I’ll even give you word-for-word examples that you can start using today – without having to go through years of practice.


But first, let’s talk about the concept of teasing a bit more. The better you understand what teasing is, the better you’ll be able to apply it.

 

 

The Purpose of Teasing

 

 

Teasing has multiple purposes, and I’m going to lay them out for you right here.


In my opinion, the first reason you want to tease women is because it’s fun for you.


Self-amusement is a quality that women love in men. When you come from a place of self-amusement, you’re not doing it to get a reaction out of her.


Women feel that. The more you do it because it amuses you, the better teasing works.


Second, teasing makes your dates more interesting and less boring for both of you.


In any date, there might be times where the conversation becomes just a little boring. Peppering in some teases during the conversation allows you to keep it fun and interesting.


Teasing builds attraction. It shows her you are not intimidated by her looks, and most importantly it implies that you have choice with women. At the very least, it shows you’re not desperate.

 

Teasing builds attraction. It shows her you are not intimidated by her looks, and most importantly it implies that you have choice with women. At the very least, it shows you’re not desperate.

Think about it. Teasing is in essence a way ofbreaking rapport. Would a man that has no other options with women have the guts to break rapport with the only woman he managed to get a date with?


Probably not. So, by teasing her you imply that you have choice with women. That in and of itself creates attraction because of the pre-selection effect.


Pre-selection is one of the most powerful attraction triggers within women. It states that women become attracted to men if they know other women are attracted to those men.


By teasing women, you let them know you are pre-selected. Teasing also helps you build a connection with women.


When you tease a woman from time to time, it will give more power to those moments when you are being sincere and connecting.


For example, if you teased her a few times during the conversation and then later on you say, with a serious face, “Hey, I really appreciate XYZ about what you just said/did, etc.”, it comes across as much more sincere.


 The Difference Between Negging, Cocky-Funny, and Teasing.

 

A few years ago, there was a lot of hype around the concept of negging and being cocky-funny.


Luckily, people quickly found out that it doesn’t work well at all, and the hype died.


But if you’re new to this dating stuff, I’d like to talk about this a bit. Chances are at some point you’ll read about this, and I’d like you to avoid this painful experience.


Negging

 

Negging was invented by pick up artists, and its purpose is to lower women’s self-esteem. With her self-confidence down, PUAs think it’s easier to seduce her. Some famous examples:


“Hey, I just wanted to tell you that I love that top/dress. It’s really cool how it matches/complements the rest of your outfit. In fact… I remember I saw the exact same top/dress in that popular secondhand store downtown. It still looks great, though.”


“I like your nails. Are they real?”


“Ew, you spit on me!” (brush off your face).


As you can see, all these examples aim to lower women’s self-esteem. They are not even funny. They are literally insults.


Do they work?


Yes, SOMETIMES they work. But most of the time you’ll get women looking at you with a strange face. Like, “Okay, man, thanks, now move on, please”.


And if you use this on quality women, it’s a straight-up recipe for DISASTER…and I mean EVERY SINGLE TIME!


That’s because negging only works on psychologically damaged women and women with low self-esteem.


It’s also manipulative, and it implies you have low self-esteem yourself.


Beautiful, high-quality women can see right through this behavior and won’t even give you the time of the day.


Cocky-Funny

 

The essence of being cocky-funny is to make women laugh using a combination of arrogance and humor. Cocky-funny is one step up from negging. It’s less insulting, although some examples border on the limit of being a neg.


Does it work?


Yes, it does work, but IT’S EXTREMELY DIFFICULT to do it right.

 

 

It requires an almost perfect balance between the arrogant part and the funny part.


If the balance tips too much to the arrogance part, you’ll be seen as a jerk and lose her.


If the balance tips slightly too much to the funny part, you’ll be seen as a clown and lose her too.

Cocky-funny requires an almost perfect balance between the arrogant part and the funny part. It's hard to do it right.

Here are some famous examples:


“Serious. Oh, so is this the part where you’re gonna give me your little opinion. Oh, that's so cute. Okay, go ahead.”


"Don't just look at me and keep walking! I'm not just a piece of meat you know! I have feelings too! Stop and talk to me…"


"Look at this! When you woke up this morning, did you ever think you'd be walking beside/ talking to such a HANDSOME man, right here on (X) street? Your day just got a lot better!"


As you can see they are quite arrogant, and your delivery needs to be impeccable to make it work.


Most guys completely mess up the cocky-funny stuff because it’s so difficult to do it right.


If you use it, you’ll get a good reaction about 20% of the time and 80% of the time you’ll look plain stupid.


Also, even if you are good at it, the effects are not so great. There are much better ways to build attraction.


And, again, high-quality women don’t react well to this. They see it as a sign of insecurity.


Teasing

 

Negging aims to lower women’s self-esteem, and cocky-funny uses arrogant humor to make them laugh.


Teases, on the other hand, are more playful and charming in nature.


They are much easier and ten times more effective without any of the downsides of negs and cocky humor.


They are not arrogant and they are not insulting. They’re just FUN, both for you and her.


In teasing, you are going to imply things instead of flat-out saying it. A good thing to imply is that she’s always chasing men.


For example, you might ask her if she’s still friends with her exes. If she says yes, you say“Seriously? Like ALL of them?” Implying that she has 200 exes or so.


Can you see how this is more subtle and playful than negs or cocky-funny?


The best part of it is, WOMEN LOVE IT!


But it’s important that you do it with a playful face.


You know you’re doing it right if…

• She reacts shocked in positive way: “Ohhhh, omg, I can’t believe you just said that”.

• She punches you on the arm

• She teases you back


You know you’re doing it wrong if…

• She becomes more quiet

• She retreats in her cocoon while on the date

• You see on her face she didn’t like it at all


If you ever get a negative reaction from a woman when you tease, just give her a hug and say “Oh, come here, darling. I’m so sorry”.


That should set it straight.


 When to Tease and When Not to Tease

 

In general, you want to have a normal conversation with women where you focus on building a connection.


On top of that, you want to pepper in some teases to make sure the conversation doesn’t become boring and to spike attraction from time to time.


As I said, it’s about peppering it in. The purpose is not to tease all the time, because that wouldn’t work either.


Just rotate the teasing with building a connection and being sincere.


Also, the more beautiful the woman is and the more sassy she is, the better teasing works.


Imagine a beautiful woman that has men eating out of her hand, and think of what behaviors she’s used to from men. She’s used to have men putting her on a pedestal. Teasing works extremely well with these women.


In general, if you are dealing with a very sweet, young, innocent girl, you probably don’t even need to tease her. She might not be ready for that yet.


Okay, so now that you have a better understanding of what teasing is and why you should use it, let’s have a look at some examples.


Here are five proven teasing tricks that work like magic.

 

 

 1) Tease Her for Being From the Country

 

If she tells you that she’s not from a big city, tease her about it.


“Oh, um, okay, so, you’re…from the country. Well, that’s okay. And so, then, you grew up on a farm or something? Let me hear your accent again”. This is said with a playful face.


Even if she’s not from the country, you can always go back far enough in her family and find someone that’s from the country. An aunt or an uncle or a grandmother—there’s usually always some way to go that direction and tease her about it.


 2) Tease her by “Implying” She’s Dumb

 

During your date, you can bring up the topic of movies and ask her what her favorite movie is.


After she tells you her favorite movie, you can then playfully say, “Did you understand it?”Wait for a reaction and then say, “Come on, you can tell me…it’s perfectly fine if you didn’t understand it.”


The sillier the movie, the better it works. Let’s say at some point during your interaction, you’re talking about the movie “Dumb and Dumber”. If you then ask her if she understood it, it’s even more funny.


 3) Tease Her by “Implying” She’s Always Chasing Men

When you are in a venue with her, you could say something like, “So, tell me, how many men do you know here? Let her answer, then say “Come on, you can tell me... How many men have you been on dates with?


If you are walking with her down the street and holding her hand, you could let go of her hand, grab her wrist, and make her wave at a man that just passed by.


You’ll definitely get a punch on the arm for that



If her phone goes off during your date, you could say, “Oh, is that a Tinder notification?”


Again, you do this in a playful manner.


 4) Tease Her by “Implying” She’s Obsessed With Sex

 

 

You can do this in many different ways. Here are a few funny ones.


If you just met her and she shakes your hand, you could pull her hand toward your crotch and say… “Whoa whoa whoa, what are you doing?”


You could also bring her attention to your crotch by holding your smartphone with the lights on next to your crotch. When she looks there, you say, “Did you just look at…?”


When standing somewhere with her, you can also open your zipper and then say something like, “What did you just do? How did you even do that?”


And you do this (say it with me) in a PLAYFUL way.


 5) Tease Her by “Implying” She Doesn’t Have Table Manners

 

If you are at a restaurant with her, you could take some breadcrumbs and put them next to her plate without her noticing it.


Then when the waiter comes to take away the dishes, you point it out and say “Omg, I’m so sorry, sir!”


Or if she makes some noise, apologize to the people next to you.


Of course, do it playfully.


Now, remember, you’re not constantly teasing her. You are balancing it by deeply connecting with her and being a gentleman. For example, you open doors for her, help her put on her coat, etc.


If you mix the teasing with gentlemanly behavior and deeply connecting with her, she’ll become ADDICTED to you. Women love it THAT much.


 ConclusionTeasing is a way to spice up your conversations and spike emotions of attraction in women.


There’s a difference between negging, cocky-funny humor and teasing.


Negging and cocky-funny don’t work on quality women, but teasing does.


There are two important things to do that will make your teases work even better.


First of all, you need to tease in a playful way.


Second, and this is CRUCIAL, you MUST mix it up with sincerity and deeply connecting with her.


If you only tease her, she’ll see you as immature and she’ll lose interest in you.

Chapter 8.2 - Tactic (Part 2)

Hey friend,
Welcome to your bonus: Seven Conversation Hacks To Never Run Out Of Things To Say.
Do you sometimes run out of things to say with women? Do conversations not always come
easily to you? Do you sometimes wonder what to talk about on a date?
If so, then this document has the solution for you.
If you want to learn how to have natural, free-flowing conversations with women, then these
seven hacks will be pure gold for you.

Why is it important to have free-flowing and natural conversations?
Without a conversation, there will be no relationship.

Conversation is the building block that will enable you to spend time with women—time you
can use to get to know her, build attraction, bond with her, and become physically close.
Basically, conversation allows you to keep the dating process going, so you’ll be able to
escalate toward a physically intimate relationship.
Of course there are some exceptions, like in a nightclub, where you can physically escalate
toward a kiss without talking. But even then you’ll need to eventually talk to her to take things
further.

Being a good conversationalist shows you have social skills, which in and of itself is an
attraction trigger. Women want to know they can go places with you if they become your
girlfriend.

And also, women just love a good conversation.
So if you know how to have great conversations:
 you will be able to attract and build relationships with awesome women
 you’ll have more power and control over your love life
 you’ll have more influence over women
 you’ll be more successful in your dating life
If you don’t know how to have great conversations with women, you’ll probably live a lonely
life, you’ll be a victim of the dating scene, and you’ll fail with women.
But cheer up, my friend. With these seven hacks, you’ll know how to talk like a badass!
Without further ado, here are…

Seven Conversation Hacks To Never Run Out Of Things To Say

1. Start off on the right foot.

A great start is half the work.
If you start your date off on the right foot immediately, you’ll set the tone for the rest of
the date. It will loosen both of you up and set the scene.
Here’s a great thing you can say immediately when you meet her on your date: “You
look nice. Did you dress up like this just for me? Aww…you shouldn’t have.” Of
course, you say this with a charming, self-confident smirk on your face.
Why is this a great start? First, it’s cheeky and funny. Second, it immediately sets the
frame that she’s into you. It frames her as the pursuer and you as the selector.
This also positions you outside the friend zone right off the bat.

2. Have a safety net.

When you go on a date with a woman, make sure to have some conversation topics
prepared in advance. The idea is that after you set the playful vibe explained in point
one, you just naturally talk with her and see where the conversation is taking you. The
conversation will be easy and natural because you know you have those back-up
topics ready for use. Therefore, you will be relaxed and comfortable. And when
people are relaxed and comfortable, they don’t have any problems having a
conversation.
However, if you ever feel the conversation is running dry, you just fall into your safety
net. Just go to one of these conversation topics and everything will be fine.
I’d suggest you prepare five conversation topics. Don’t prepare scripts—that won’t be
natural. Just prepare some topics. Also, it helps if for each topic you have three
interesting questions to ask her already in the hopper.
Examples include her best vacation ever, where she grew up, her family, the most
embarrassing moment in her life, her passions, what she wanted to become when
she was a little girl, etc.
Also, make sure to have an interesting answer ready for when she asks you the same
question back.

3. Have a double safety net.

When we run out of things to say, it’s usually because of stress and the fear of
running out of things to say.
Knowing you have a backup plan or a safety net will eliminate that fear. However,
knowing you have a double safety net makes you invincible. Not only will you know
that you won’t run out of things to say, but you’ll have more than that: you’ll have

CERTAINTY.

This certainty will allow you to have those natural, free-flowing conversations.
And if for whatever reason the conversation dries up, you fall into your safety net, and
if that’s not enough you just fall into your second safety net!
I can virtually guarantee you that if you have two safety nets, you’ll probably never
use them because you will be so relaxed and in the moment.
Funny little games are great to use as a second safety net.
Here’s a funny game you can use. It’s called “The Questions Game”.
The rules are: you both take turns asking each other a question. You have to answer
the question. But you can’t ask a question that the other person has already asked.
Just set it up like this: “Hey, I’ve read about this funny little game you can use on a
first date. It’s called ‘The Questions Game’. Wanna try it?”

4. Say “Tell me more.”

A great hack to keep the conversation going is to just say, “Tell me more”.
This is great because it keeps her talking. Also, it’s a little commanding. It’s a bit
dominant, and most women love that in a man. It also shows you are interested in her
and in what she has to say. It does so many good things at the same time and it’s so
easy to use.
Just make sure not to use it too much. Two or three times in an hour is okay.

5. Use the “vacuum technique”.

This is going to be an easy one for introverted men.
After she finishes talking, just be silent.
She’ll probably start talking again.
It’s almost like the silence vacuums the words out of her mouth. 
6. Imagine she’s already your girlfriend.
Let me ask you a question. Do you run out of things to say with people you are
already comfortable with? Like a friend, or maybe an ex-girlfriend? Of course not.
That’s because you are totally relaxed and comfortable with them.
Imagining that she is already your girlfriend will make you feel much more relaxed.
You’ll never run out of things to say. On top of that, you’ll project that vibe that you
are already a couple. This will dramatically increase the chances of her becoming
your girlfriend.

7. Go for a walk first.

Instead of meeting her at the venue, try meeting her outside the venue.
When she arrives, suggest going for a walk first. This will help both of you get
comfortable together. First, the physical act of walking will relieve possible
nervousness for both of you. Second, it gives you time to get comfortable with each
other without awkward silences. When you are walking together, silences don’t feel
awkward because you’re not staring at each other. Instead, you’re looking around at
the environment. Also, when you’re walking together there are plenty of things in the
environment that you can comment on. After 15 minutes of walking together, you will
both be comfortable and you can then go to the venue. The vibe will be more relaxed,
and you won’t have any awkward silences.
Also, remember this:
You prepared for the date.
You started off on the right foot immediately upon meeting her.
You went for a walk together.
You are comfortable together.
You have a double safety net.
You have the “tell me more” technique.
You have the “vacuum technique”.
And she’s already your girlfriend!
Your date will be great!
But if for some reason you still have a difficult moment in the conversation, here’s a bonus
hack to get you out of it. However, you’ll probably never have to use it.
By the way, we like to always over-deliver. So here you go: an unadvertised BONUS hack,
especially for you!

8. The Conversation Recovery Hack

If for some strange reason the conversation doesn’t go well after you used the seven
conversation hacks, then this hack will save your conversation and your date.
It goes like this: you act like the best version of yourself. You do this by asking
yourself: “How would the best version of me act in this situation?” As strange as it
might sound, this will make you act differently and save the conversation and the
date. Just test it out and see for yourself.
There you go! You now know seven conversation hacks plus one bonus hack, so you can
have naturally attractive conversations without acting like an extrovert or using those silly
PUA techniques that don’t even work.
Now, go out and put these eight conversation hacks into action.
Action-takers get results, not knowledge-gatherers.
And to help you take that action, I have a fun implementation assignment for you.

Chapter 9 - Let's Talk (Part 3)

 Note: Say twice:

- You are fucked up!

 

 

8 Ridiculous Things PUA Gurus Say That You Should Never Do

 

 

 

There are many things that pick-up artist (PUA) gurus say that will RUIN your chances with quality women.


One of the reasons that these things ANNOY quality women is because they’re signs of insecurity…


Insecurity DISGUISED as confidence. It’s called Polar Opposing Insecurity Compensation (POIC).


POIC occurs when a person focuses on something he doesn’t want to be, because that behavior makes him feel insecure.


He then becomes the exact opposite of the things that make him feel insecure.


For example, if somebody is very shy and quiet, he might become loud and obnoxious to prove to the world and himself that he isn’t shy. Every time he acts loud and obnoxious, he can say to himself, “At least I wasn’t quiet and shy this evening”.


Women can see right through that behavior. Especially quality women.

 

Women Are Annoyed By Polar Opposite Insecurity Compensation (POIC) Behavior. PUA Is The Hallmark Of POIC!

And as you already know, we attract what we are.


If you do things because of Polar Opposing Insecurity Compensation, you’ll be focusing on (and thus reinforcing) your insecurities instead of healing them.


It’s fake confidence. And you’re FOOLING YOURSELF. Worse, you’ll become more and more insecure without even realizing it.


It will attract women that are on the same level, meaning insecure or low-quality women.


But when a quality woman sees this behavior, she will disqualify you in the blink of an eye.


PUA is the hallmark of Polar Opposite Insecurity Compensation.


In this article, you’ll discover eight POIC things PUA gurus teach that quality women hate.


A beautiful quality woman can like everything about you, but if you do these things (or even one of these things), it will DESTROY your chances of getting her.


As you read these eight POIC behaviors, you’ll notice how they are driven by opposite insecurities.


After you’ve read this, you’ll start to see right through people’s masks and you’ll be able to avoid falling in this trap yourself.

 

 

 

1. DHV Stories (Delivering High Value Stories)

 

 

PUAs Will Advise You To Bragg About Yourself Through Storytelling In The First 15 Minutes Of Meeting A Woman. Don’t Do It. Quality Women Will Make Fun Of You.

DHV Stories are stories you tell about yourself in which you embed cool things about yourself. Mostly, these are lies.


For example: “Last summer I was picking up my model girlfriend and she arrived in a Ferrari. Normally she has an Audi. She finished a photoshoot and she could keep the Ferrari for one day, blah blah blah…”


PUAs will advise you to tell stories like that in the first 15 minutes of meeting a woman so you can make her attracted to you.


Here’s the problem with that. First off, you’re lying. And if you’re a good-hearted introverted man, that’s not you. You’ll be incongruent. You probably wouldn’t even try it, ‘cause it’s not you.


Quality women will see right through it. They will know you are doing POIC. Here’s their perception of guys who do that:


“What a loser. If he feels the need to tell these kinds of stories to people he just met, he’s probably an insecure guy that never had any luck with women”.


She’ll think of you as the polar opposite of how you present yourself.


And even if the story was true, it would still have that effect on her.


She’ll think of you as an insecure bragger.

 

If you brag about yourself the PUA way, women will think of you as a loser.

Also, this is not aligned with who you are. Smart, introverted men don’t volunteer personal stories to everyone they meet. Especially not so fast, and not in that bragging way.


They prefer to reveal themselves later on, when there is more of a connection.


So, if you are an introverted man, here’s what to do instead.


Let her find out over time about your accomplishments in life. It’s better in the beginning to be the quietly confident guy that keeps the conversation focused on her.


After 45 minutes or so, she’ll realize that you know so much about her and she knows nothing about you – but she feels attracted to you. That’s when she will start to ask you questions.


When she does, you can slowly reveal things about yourself, including some real stories that show her you are an attractive man. 


But don’t reveal everything at once. It’s better to let her find out piece by piece over the course of multiple dates.


And when she finds out on her own that you are the CEO of a successful company or that you are talented in some sport, she’ll be even more attracted to you.


That’s because you didn’t brag about it.


If you want, you can even steer the conversation toward these topics by asking her questions, and she’ll naturally ask those questions back to you.


That’s okay.


As long as you do it in a slow way over time, and not in the first 15 minutes of meeting her.


 2. Peacocking

 

 

Here’s what quality women think of peacocking: “What an insecure guy. He has no idea how much he’s making a fool of himself. What a loser.”

PUAs will tell you to wear strange things to stand out and attract attention to yourself, like strange hats, feather boas, or wearing sunglasses during a night out.


Who the heck wears sunglasses at night? Hmm, they must be really cool guys… sorry for my sarcasm, but it makes laugh.


But honestly, above all: YES, it will get you more attention, but it doesn’t build attraction.


Have you ever seen a strangely dressed guy entering a venue and you thought, “What an idiot”, but you couldn’t help but look at him?


Well, that’s exactly what PUA peacocking does. People will start looking at you.


You’ll think you’re getting more attention, but they are making fun of you. You’re the fool of the venue.


Here’s what quality women will think of you:“What an insecure guy. He has no idea how much he’s making a fool of himself. What a loser.”


Why? ‘Cause she’ll see the POIC behavior. She’ll see you as the polar opposite of how you want to present yourself.


Here’s what do instead. Stand out by understanding fashion and correctly accessorizing yourself.


If you do that the right way, you’ll stand out because a really great sense of fashion is not so common. Go find a stylist and let him teach you how to dress.


You’ll stand out in a positive way and get the right kind of attention. Plus, women will be attracted to you instead of making fun of you.


 3. Negging

 

 

The purpose of negging is to make women insecure about themselves. Don’t do it! It’s weak, and plain stupid!

The purpose of negging is to make women insecure about themselves. It’s about lowering their perception of self-value, making you more attractive by comparison.


For example: “You know, I like that outfit you’ve got on… but I don’t know, your shoes don’t really match. You should have gone with tan boots.”


Or, “Your nose is a little red. Are you a bit sick?”


Don’t do it! It’s weak, and plain stupid! Yes, on some girls it might work. But all you’ll attract using this method are psychologically damaged women.


A beautiful, smart, quality woman will see right through the POIC behavior.


Here’s how a quality woman will think: “This guy must have really low self-esteem if he tries to bring women down like this.”


Here’s what to do instead.


Learn naturally attractive behaviors. Use teasing instead. Playfully tease her in a cocky way, but don’t neg her. And even with cocky teasing, I wouldn’t do it on a sweet girl.


I would only do it on a girl with a big ego that’s acting arrogantly.


It’s a myth that you need to be cocky with the most beautiful women to knock them off their pedestal.


I’ve known perfect 10s that were really sweet women. There is no need to tease them in a cocky way.


Only if she’s displaying arrogance or spoiled princess behavior should you use cocky teasing. But never ever use NEGGING.


 4. AMOGing

 

 

AMOGing = Polar Opposing Insecurity Compensation (POIC) In Action

AMOG stands for Alpha Male Other Guy. AMOGing is a verb created by the PUA community that means that you’ll out-alpha another guy. Basically, it means you’ll be ridiculing your male competition.


For example, a PUA is going to talk to a girl who’s with a guy. The PUA will AMOG the guy by saying something like “Hey, nice shirt, bro”in a tone to ridicule the other guy.


Here’s how a quality woman will perceive you: she’ll see you as a guy with low self-esteem.


Here’s what to do instead.


If you were to go talk to a woman who is in the company of another man, just start talking to the man in a friendly way and ask him questions, like…


“How are you doing?”, “Where are you from?”, etc. At a certain moment in the interaction, ask him if she’s his girlfriend. If he says yes, then ask her if it’s true.

If she confirms, leave it there. If she says he’s not her boyfriend, you can just talk to her.


This will show her you are a really confident guy with good, solid self-esteem instead of some scared little boy who uses POIC behavior.


 5. Not Buying Women Drinks

 

Now, this is the most ridiculous thing ever.


But I get where it comes from. It comes from the pickup line, “You are beautiful. Can I buy you a drink?” Now, of course, that’s totally wrong.


And, of course, if you approach a woman and she says, “Why don’t you buy me a drink?”then it’s also wrong to do it.


Because it positions you as the guy who wants to buy her love, or the guy she can make jump through her hoops.


But PUAs take this to the extreme, and it backfires on quality women.


They will be talking to a woman and they will finish their glass, and then order something for themselves without asking if she wants something to drink.


Now, this is plain stupid. And a quality woman will see you as a cheap guy without any class.


If you talk to a woman and you see she’s into you, be a gentleman and buy her a drink. It’s totally fine.


When you take her out on a date, it’s absolutely fine for you to pay for the drinks.


Although I advocate against taking women to dinner on a first date, or even on a second date.


But if you take her to a restaurant on a third date, then it’s absolutely fine to pay for the dinner. Be a man. Take the lead. There’s nothing wrong with that.


 6. The Three-Second Rule

 

 

 

The Three-Second Rule Will Drain Your Energy As An Introvert.

This is also a classic.


Although it can be helpful in some cases, in most cases it has the opposite effect.


The Three-Second Rule states that when you see a woman that you like, you need to approach her within three seconds of seeing her.


If you do this, you won’t give that little voice in your head the time to talk you out of it. And it does have some value.


But in most cases, you’re better off waiting and demonstrating some value in her peripheral field.


Here’s how you do it.


Most guys will stand with their glass close to their chest and look into the venue like predators waiting for prey.


If, instead, you truly interact with your friends and have fun with them, you’ll stand out. She’ll notice you. You’ll be building value in her eyes.


She’ll probably start giving you some approach invitations, like making eye contact with you, smiling, etc.


In most cases, it’s much better to first build value like this and wait a little while before you approach her. You’ll get a higher success rate.


Also, as an introvert, you don’t want to approach every woman you see. It would drain your energy. You’ll want to be a bit more strategic about your approaches.


Don’t always follow the three-second rule. Sometimes it’s good to approach immediately, but sometimes you should be a bit more strategic about it.


Also, if you use the three-second rule, you’ll constantly be approaching women.


High-quality women will notice that, and you’ll be labeled as THAT guy that spam-approaches all women. It’s social suicide. She’ll see you as a loser who’s not used to having women in his life.


Because a man that’s truly successful with women, AKA a man with abundance, wouldn’t feel the need to constantly approach women like this.


 7. Being The Loud Obnoxious Guy

 

 

 

As a smart, introverted man, this is definitely not your style. And you should avoid it like the plague.

Many new-style PUAs adopt the style of being the loud, obnoxious guy.


You’ve probably seen some very popular YouTube videos about some big company using this style. I’m not going to say names here, but chances are you know what company I’m talking about.


And yes, you’ll see them making out with women. But you’ll also note WHAT kind of women they’re making out with… low-quality women. We attract what we are.


As a smart, introverted man, this is definitely not your style. And you should avoid it like the plague.


Plus, here’s how a quality woman judges this POIC behavior: “This must be a very insecure, shy guy on the inside if he has to overcompensate like this”.


 8. The Overly Aggressive, Taking-What’s-Mine Attitude

 

 

 

What quality women think of this: “This guy must be a weak, scared little boy inside if he overcompensates by acting this physically aggressive”.

This is also a style that some PUAs use and promote. And if you’ve been reading about dating advice for just a little bit, than you’ve probably seen this overly aggressive style in action.


It’s all about aggressive physical escalation: See girl. Grab girl. Escalate. Be overly aggressive.


Again, I’m not going to name the company’s name, but one of their instructors, according to Wikipedia, has been formally banned from entering Australia, the United Kingdom, and Singapore because of his overly aggressive and misogynistic behavior toward women.


Does this style work?


Yes, it will work on low-value women that have no self-respect.


However, as a thoughtful introverted man, you prefer high-quality women instead.


Here’s how quality women see this kind of overly aggressive, taking-what’s-mine behavior : “This guy must be a weak, scared little boy inside if he overcompensates by acting this physically aggressive”.


 Conclusion

 

The PUA approach doesn’t work to attract quality women, and it makes your insecurities worse.


That’s because most PUA mindsets and techniques are coming from a Polar Opposing Insecurity Complex (POIC).


POIC occurs when a person focuses on something he doesn’t want to be because that behavior makes him feel insecure.


So he becomes the polar opposite of the behavior that makes him insecure. Sadly, it only makes his inner insecurity worse.


Quality women can see right through this.


Even though they might not know what POIC is, they instinctively and instantly spot this behavior and understand it’s coming from a place of insecurity.


Also, PUA techniques don’t work for smart, introverted men because they go against your deepest nature.


Now that I’ve shared the eight biggest mistakes the PUA community teaches, you need to get an education on what works for smart, introverted men.


You need to learn what attracts high-quality women… and the right things to do get dates with them and take it to the next level.


If you are starting to realize how important it is to get your dating life handled, then you need a WORLD-CLASS education that works for smart, introverted men. 

 

 

 

 

 

WARNING: Are You Killing Your Confidence With THIS Mistaken Mindset?

 

 

 

 

You’ve tried…

You’ve put yourself out there and tried talking to new people.

You’ve smiled, listened, and were interested.

But you’re still not getting the response you want. You’re not quite feeling the connection.

I mean, maybe you do alright talking sometimes, but then someone else enters the conversation and immediately has everyone’s attention. It seems they effortlessly have charm and wit and confidence.

It can make you feel worthless.

You might think, “what’s the point?” Because it seems others are so much more effective than you socially. And that you’ll never compare.

Are you just doing something wrong?

Well, maybe.

But it’s likely not what you think.

There’s a simple fix though if you are, and anyone can do it.

 

Get Realistic About Improving Socially

I find many people have an unrealistic mindset about becoming charming and confident.

They feel it should be easy.

Even instant.

And I don’t know, maybe that’s because of marketing. There’s so many bogus promises of overnight results.

I think another part of it is, being social is such a basic human function. Belonging and being liked is close to food and shelter on our hierarchy of needs.

 

It’s a pretty basic desire.

So it feels like our social ability should come natural and effortlessly.

But that’s not how it works.

 

Social skills are a skill like any other; they take time to develop.

People who are great socially today are only that way because they’ve been practicing their skills all along. Since they were kids even.

So you need to KILL the mindset you should be able to instantly be as charming and outgoing as others. Before it kills your confidence and motivation to improve.

Push Forward Despite Feeling Discouraged

The secret is to keep trying even though it feels you’re failing.

It’s about persistence. And the great thing about that is, anyone can be persistent.

Even you.

But you must to decide to work from where you are.

Those other people who are so great socially, they’ve had completely different life circumstances than you. It’s not realistic to compare yourself to them.

 

Comparing yourself to others like that only discourages you.

Besides, just because someone else may be better than you socially, that doesn’t mean you can’t also do well.

Take McDonald’s for example.

 

They are the most successful burger joint in the U.S. Probably the world right? Does that mean Burger King isn’t killing it financially?

Of course they are.

They’re still making billions of dollars despite not being quote unquote the best.

But let’s take it a step further.

Maybe there’s a mom and pop burger joint in your town and there’s also a McDonalds. Does that mean the mom and pop joint can’t be successful?

No of course not.

People will like the small burger joint because it’s different. It’s cozy. It’s locally owned.

What I’m trying to say is, just because someone else is more successful than you or better socially, that doesn’t mean you can’t also succeed socially.

It doesn’t mean you’re worthless.

That’s bad logic. It doesn’t follow at all.

 

 

People will still like you for who you are even if they also like someone else more outgoing. Because they’re going to like you for completely different reasons than those other people.

 

This is otherwise known as the abundance mentality. There’s plenty of love and acceptance to go around in the world.

Decide To Stick It Out Till You Improve

Besides the skills of others intimidating you, you might just get discouraged in general. Because you’ll feel like you have so far to go and you’ll never get there.

You’ll have this ideal in your head of the social rockstar you want to be, but your abilities won’t match up to that at first.

You just have to remind yourself, you get there bit by bit.

In the beginning, the things you’re working on and maybe not doing so hot at, even those failures serve as stepping stones. You’ll learn from those mistakes in ways you aren’t even aware.

 

And as you keep pushing forward, your level of skill and understanding will keep rising.

Think of it like this.

 

It’s like you’re standing beside a tall building with no windows or doors on the first level.

The only entrance is a door on the second floor. But there’s no stairs. And in fact, there’s a deep hole in the ground right below the door.

There’s nothing around you but a huge pile of rocks.

So what do you do?

 

Well, you start tossing the rocks in the hole.

At first you can’t tell any difference. The rocks disappear into the abyss.

But eventually, the hole fills up and you start seeing the level of rocks rise. Soon, you’re able to climb up the rocks into the door.

In the same way, your efforts to improve your conversation skills are like the rocks. They fill in the hole, the lack of skills and confidence, that have dominated your life to this point.

So at first, it’ll be difficult to see much progress.

 

But as you keep moving forward, your improvement will become more and more noticeable. You’ll gain momentum and your successes will come even faster.

So remember to push through even though you get discouraged.

Everyone experiences this feeling of “I just can’t do it.” No matter what they’re trying to achieve in life.

The people who succeed are the ones who keep going despite their self-doubts.

 

In fact, here’s a relevant quote from Vernon Howard. It’s one of my favorites and it sits on my desk where I can see it every day.

It goes like this:

“Do not be impatient with your seemingly slow progress. Do not try to run faster than you presently can. If you are studying, reflecting and trying, you are making progress whether you are aware of it or not. A traveler walking the road in the darkness of night is still going forward. Someday, some way, everything will break open, like the natural unfolding of a rosebud.”

Don’t give up.

 

If you keep trying, you will eventually improve.

Because the only way to truly fail, is to quit.

 

 

Growing In A Relationship: 12 Things To Do While Dating Someone

 

 

 

I get asked frequently if I subscribe to or prescribe to traditional dating “rules”. You know, things like wait X number of days to call a guy back, don’t sleep with a man before X number of dates, never be the first to say “I love you,” and so on and so on.

Well, the simple answer is no.

Living a life with hard rules doesn’t allow flexibility. You need to know how to use and modify rules based on your personal beliefs and what will directly work for you.

On my own journey and along the journey of my clients and readers, I’ve learned some rules that never seem to fail anyone.

Below are the top things to do while dating someone.

Invest in yourself

Confidence is the key to attract great love into your life and in loving who you are. The more you invest in becoming a beautiful person inside and outside, the more confident you will become.

It’ll encourage you to not settle for anything less than you deserve. It’ll make you realize your real worth.

Always play yourself

If you invest in yourself, you won’t need to transform into another person. By being yourself, you won’t have to second guess if a man likes you for the person you really are or the person you have presented.

Stay present

To keep your sanity and dating future intact, live in the present. Remind yourself that real feelings take time to develop and relationships need room to blossom. Think of early dating as get-to-know-him time and not the time to decide if your date could be your future groom.

 

Trust your instincts

 

 

Living life can put you in all sorts of wonderful situations but it can also present you with some questionable ones, too. If something doesn’t feel right, it isn’t.

Don’t force yourself to learn lessons that don’t need to be learned. Trust your gut.

Open your mind

Don’t be quick to judge and date outside of your comfort zone. There is no wrong place to find Mr. Right and there’s no wrong timing. Don’t let the idea of being married by 30 or dating someone within your line of work or social status stop you from meeting other people.

Be open for business

From having an approachable attitude and demeanor to dressing for dating success, allow yourself to say “yes” to the possibility of love at all times. Be prepared emotionally and physically to take and give applications anytime, anywhere.

 

Leave your house

 

No one ever found their love by staying cooped up in an apartment, reading magazines and eating Chinese takeout 7 days a week. Get out there and connect with the vibrant world. Give in and watch what you will receive in return. You’ll be surprised by the opportunities you’ll find.

Spend time in your treehouse

No matter how much fun you are having dating or how in love you are, you need time to yourself. You need time to reflect, recharge, and reconnect with yourself.

And if you are in a relationship, your man needs the same. Honor your individuality by gifting yourself some time apart.

 

Take the high road

 

Dating offers a myriad of options and choices where we can take the high road or the low road.

For example, what happens when a boyfriend breaks your heart? Do you play the revenge card?

Although it might be momentarily satisfying, in the end, you’ll feel worse for sinking to his level. By taking the high road, you’ll be proud of the woman in the mirror that you rise and shine to everyday.

Grow from your experiences

Every adventure in dating is a moment to learn from, so don’t hinder yourself from growing from your experiences. Don’t waste your time and energy.

Wear color

Despite our natural inclination to go for that black ensemble, men are more attracted to color. Opt for jewel tones which look great on every skin tone, make your eyes pop and send a message that you are fun and confident. These can set you apart from the sea of women donning boring black.

 

Believe in love

 

 

No matter how many unfavorable experiences you have, don’t lose faith in the beauty of love. Remember, those who believe in love are instantly more lovable. This is something you can’t miss in the list of things to do while dating someone.

 

 

 

 How to Use “Emotional Hot Buttons” to Be Interesting And Bond

 

 

 

Do you sometimes struggle to have meaningful conversations?

Like, you get stuck in chit chat mode and just talk those trivial topics to death.

To the point where things start to feel stale…and maybe you’re looking for an exit.

(And you worry they are too.)

Don’t you wish you could make the vibe more exciting? More interesting? So maybe things could move to a deeper level with this person?

Well, a great way amp up interactions and bond with someone new is to introduce emotion into the conversation.

And a slick way to do that is noticing and commenting on “emotional hot buttons.” But you have to be observant to make use of them.

So in today’s article, I’ll give you an example of this technique in action.

Then I’ll explain how you can use it.

 

A Bond Forged in the Men’s Bathroom

You may or may not know I DJ. Mostly weddings with the occasional club thrown in here and there.

Well, at one wedding, I had an “issue” with the brother of the groom.

He kept badgering me to play some hard-core rap music for his brother.

The thing is, the bride’s family was very conservative and asked me to keep it clean. Needless to say, the groom’s brother wasn’t happy.

After the gig was over, I went to the men’s bathroom. And who should be there but the groom’s brother…

“You!”

He said it like I was his life-long nemesis. (Wheaton!!!)

Well, fortunately he understood why I couldn’t play his song requests. So we began talking about where we were from.

When I asked him, this was his response:

“Well, I’m out in Houston because I’ve been working so much there it’s crazy. But I’m really trying to get back here.”

At that point he turned the conversation back to me, but I could tell there was something more there…

There was slight pain in his eyes. He sort of shuffled his feet and diverted eye contact when he had mentioned it.

Plus, there’s just a story in there somewhere isn’t there?

I mean, why was he working so hard?

Why was he really trying to get back here?

 

What had happened?

 

So after talking a bit more, I casually asked:

“You mentioned you’re out in Houston, but you want to be back here. What are you doing in Houston?”

That opened the flood gates.

He began describing how he did construction work and all his business was in Houston. But his wife and young son were in Baton Rouge.

Of course he wanted to be with them, but he needed to pay the bills. Working with his hands was all he knew and he wasn’t sure he could do anything else.

From there we talked about all kinds of things:

• What’s necessary to do in life sometimes
• What’s really important in life
• Even our future dreams and goals

We really connected on some core values, and it all happened in about 15 minutes. (And yes we DID eventually move out of the men’s bathroom…)

 

How To Notice and Use Emotional Hot Buttons

 

Life can be so repetitive and well, boring sometimes.

We get into our daily routines and the only emotion we experience is by watching TV or reading a book.

In addition, because so many people lack strong relationships, they don’t often discuss the emotions dominating their thoughts.

So when you give someone the opportunity to discuss something bothering them or that they’re excited about, you stand out.

You’re linked to the relief and/or joy they feel on releasing that emotion.

Now, it can sometimes be awkward to be “too emotional too soon,” but this is different. It’s different because it’s something they bring up.

The brother of the groom answered my question in the way he did because deep down, he wanted me to dig deeper.

He wanted to talk about it.

He may not have done this consciously, but emotions have a way of slipping out like that.

So how do you know?

How can you notice an emotional hot button when it surfaces and use it to have awesome conversations?

Well, my personality type lends me a gift of empathy. I usually have an intuition of when people are revealing subtle emotional clues.

But if you’re not naturally empathetic, here are some signs that might clue you in on their emotional hot buttons:

 

• There seems to be more of a “story” behind something they say
• They seem more excited or agitated
• They mention the same subject several times
• They have a slight change in tone of voice
• They switch their eye contact to look away from you OR to look right at you
• They start fidgeting by shuffling feet or wringing hands
• They start talking faster OR slower than before
• They start gesturing more with their hands

 

Hot Buttons Are Not Always So Obvious

 

The thing is, you may hear the term “hot buttons” and think the cues would be obvious.

Not necessarily.

It can be hard to spot.

So one way to start practicing your empathy is to observe your current friends and family. You know these people and what they’re passionate about. So bring up their passion and notice the subtle ways their communication changes.

This will help you subconsciously notice “hot button” cues AND give you practice being more empathetic.

Once you notice a possible hot button, you simply probe lightly. Ask them a question about it and see what happens.

In the end, we’re all yearning to feel something…

 

Whether that’s joy or excitement or the relief of knowing someone else understands.

By being more aware of the emotional hot buttons from people you meet, you can be that emotional outlet for them.

And you can bet that will make you stand out and seem more interesting in their eyes.

 

 

7 Ways To Tell That You’ve Gone From Dating To A Relationship

 

 

 

 

Anybody who has dated and experienced being in a relationship will know how complex the process can get. The longer you continue to see each other, the more dynamic the feelings become.

If you are still in the dark, here are 7 of the most obvious ways to tell if you’ve gone from dating to entering a relationship.

 

Nightlife Goes From Club To Couch

 

 

Before, you used to spend most Saturday nights dating people at a bar, cinema, or restaurant. Now that you’re in an actual relationship, it will no longer matter where you are dating. As long as you’re with your loved one, you’ll be happy.

They Don’t Consume Your Every Thought

Once you’ve already gotten over the infatuation stage and realized that you and your partner are in it for the long haul, you’re less likely to think about him all the time. This, however, doesn’t mean that you’re bad. It’s just your brain showing how settled you are.

 

Arguments Aren’t Disastrous

 

 

In the delicate dating stage, one or two arguments can often spell the end of the romance. When you have settled into a real relationship, the bond between you and your partner is already strong enough that you no longer take silly misunderstandings seriously. Instead, you argue a bit, cool off, and the make up again.

 

They See The Real You

 

During the dating stage, people tend to create the ideal versions of themselves. It’s a way to entice a partner. However, once you have found someone special, you begin to let your guards down and show your real self. You wear less makeup and you pay less attention to how you look.

 

The Future Is Talked About

 

Bringing up what you want in the future is probably one of the worst things you can do when you’re casually dating someone. It’s a sure-fire way to scare somebody off. This changes when you are in a relationship. You find freedom and excitement in discussing what might happen in the next few years.

 

You’re Fully Connected

 

The idea of meeting each other’s friends and family is always a bit awkward when you’re still in the early part of dating. By the time you are in a formal relationship, you probably already know each other’s friends’ first names. You might even be sending them Christmas and birthday cards regularly.

 

Jealousy Is A Distant Memory

 

In a relationship, you no longer have to worry about other men or women paying close attention to your partner. Being in a formal relationship gives you more security since there’s less competition. Apart from that, there’s complete trust in one another, too.

The process of dating and entering a relationship isn’t at all bad. In fact, it’s interesting and exciting. Enjoy while you’re at it.

 

 

 

 

Part 2

"There is nothing permanent except change."

Heraclitus

Chapter 10 - Conversation

 How to End a Conversation Positively

 

 

 

 

Remember the last time you were in a conversation that didn’t end well?

Maybe neither of you had anything left to say. Or the conversation dragged too long and you started counting the times she mentioned her cat?

Perhaps it went well, but Jimmy Fallon would be on in half an hour and you didn’t know how to leave without seeming rude?

So, how to end a conversation positively? It seems simple (and it is), but if you do it well, you increase the chance for future meetings and leave the other person feeling listened to.

Also, getting better at ending conversations can help you start them in the first place. 

First, if you find yourself often running out of things to say, be sure to check out my post on how to keep a conversation going.

 

When to End a Conversation

 

Some places in conversation are better for ending chats than others. This is usually during the natural pauses between topics once the conversation has run its course.

With practice, you can tell when the energy of a topic is dying down.

Let’s say you were discussing a movie and you both gave your opinions. There’s the back and forth about the director, special effects, acting and so on.

At some point, the enthusiasm (energy) for the topic dies down and that’s the moment to begin your exit.
 

How to End a Conversation

 

It’s good to start by making a “final” comment on what you were just talking about. It just sums up or caps off the subject.

In the movie example above, perhaps you say:

“That’s interesting! I never noticed that about The Labyrinth before. I’ll have to watch it again now.”

Then just follow this 3 step process:

 

1. Give a reason why you have to leave. It really is that simple. Even if the reason isn’t entirely true, it’s fine. It’s all part of the “dance” of conversation and social interaction.

Examples:

“Well, look. I have to run because I’m meeting a friend in a bit…”

“Hey look, I need to get home, it’s getting late and tomorrow I have to…”

“Well I’m gonna go mingle around some so I’ll have to catch you a bit later…”

Or if those seem too abrupt for the situation, begin first by saying:

“Look, I’m so sorry, but I have to go because…”

“Y’know it really has been good talking to you, but…”

IMPORTANT NOTE: If you’re feeling these sound like you’re just trying to “get away,”  then you’re thinking of them in the wrong “tone of voice.” In other words, say these with true sincerity and it won’t seem harsh.

 

2. Be Gracious. After giving a reason for leaving, express you enjoyed the conversation. This helps transition to leaving and ends things on a positive note.

Examples:

“…it was really nice talking to you, though.”

“…it was really nice meeting you.”

“…I’m so glad we got to hang out for a bit.”

 

3. Restate one or two of the main points you talked about. This is the magic of ending a conversation well. Most people don’t do this, but it makes the other person feel you actually listened during your talk. This can make you stand out in their mind.

Examples:

“Have a great time on your vacation; I’d love to see the pictures when you get back.”

“It was good talking with you about Science Fiction novels. Not everyone is into that…”

“Good luck with your new career move. I hope it works out like you want.”

 

Optional: Suggest a future meeting. This is the perfect time to suggest a future meet up if you truly enjoyed talking to the person. But be specific. Don’t just say, “let’s meet up sometime.”

Instead, say something like:

“I really did have fun talking; how about we get together for a coffee next week? I’ll give you a call.”

Of course this means you’ll need their phone number. So if they seem positive to the suggestion of meeting next week, go ahead and ask for it.
 

Knowing How to End a Conversation Positively Can Help You START Conversations

Knowing how to end a conversation positively gives you power. It gives you the power to control WHEN YOU LEAVE.

 

 

I've hosted MANY house parties and tactfully ending conversations is vital. How else can you mingle with ALL your guests?

Personally, that helped when I was working at getting better socially. I knew if I started to feel anxious or like I was running out of stuff to say, I could make up a reason to leave. That way, things ended on a high note instead of awkwardly.

I could regroup then talk to the same person or group later. Just feeling that little bit extra control (in a situation as chaotic as conversation) gave me more courage. It can do the same for you.

 

Take Action

 

When you’re alone, practice going through the different steps of how to end a conversation listed above. It may sound silly, but that’ll help burn it in your head and make the process smooth.

Then, next conversation you’re in, be the one to end the conversation so you can put the new skill into action.

 

 

 

I Have Fictiophilia and I'm Primarily Attracted to Animated Characters

 

 

I had no idea how long this predilection of mine would last or how much friction it would eventually cause between me and the so-called “normal” members of humanity.

 

 

 

Everyone remembers their first-ever crush. It just so happens that mine was fictional — animated to be precise, as was the one after that, and the one after that.

 

Between Seto Kiba, Tao Ren, Gaara, Byakuya Kuchiki, and many others, I’ve had a (some would say shamefully) long list of paramours of the the two-dimensional variety over my more than 20 years of life. When I first started with Speed Racer as a wee toddler, I had no idea how long this new predilection of mine would last or how much friction it would eventually cause between me and the so-called “normal” members of humanity.

 

Fictiophilia is defined by Urban Dictionary (because it’s not an official word or medically recognized philia) as a sexual attraction primarily to fictional characters, be they written or drawn. In the early '00s, anime had just achieved an absolutely staggering popularity in the US, and the internet made it stupid-easy to gorge on all of it to your geeky heart’s content. And from this upwelling of Asian animation bloomed a particularly active sub-culture of young fictiophiles. Safely hidden from parents or judgmental peers, we were free to talk about everything from which characters we’d most want to kiss to which we’d want to take our virginity.

There’s no official reason or universally accepted theory for why this happened. Some people claim that it’s just more try-hard weirdness from Millennials. A small group of concerned/more-than-slightly xenophobic parents insisted that this newfangled Japanimation was warping good American children’s minds. Even today, narratives diverge greatly: fictiophiles are just sad sacks who can’t get dates in real life; it’s a coping mechanism for exploring hidden desires. The harshest critics posit that people in love with cartoons are just too lazy to deal with a real spouse, or worse, want someone with no will of their own.

 

I’m sure there are people who fit all of those explanations to a T — there are millions of lonely and terrible people in the world — but it doesn’t describe even a small fraction of the people I’ve met. Most of us date real people just fine, and rumor has it some are even (gasp!) married.

 

Growing up in a Southern little-big town, my choices for male attention were largely composed of cornfed mini-football players and boys who thought I “talk funny” because I enunciated. I think it was a bit of culture shock to see male characters who could be called pretty (a huge no-no in our culture) and were also intelligent and complex. It didn’t endear parents to our viewing choices, but apparently I wasn’t alone in having that be very endearing to my downstairs place.

 

I don’t think I was even 10 before I discovered my first erotic fanfiction; by the time I was 13, I had a massive folder some 30 titles strong, and was working on another one for erotic fan comics. I’d become an expert at sniffing out fan communities where the main focus was on exactly how each cast member’s orgasm face would look like. I would take it to school to read during recess, where eventually a circle of other horny weebs bloomed. We traded printed copies of our favorites like they were X-rated baseball cards. I recall one event when one of my guy friends borrowed my porn folder for the weekend, came back Monday morning, and announced to the group he was now gay.

 

Teachers never noticed or bothered us because, honestly, would you expect an illicit anime erotica club at your local middle school? Especially one composed of all “the good kids”? But if they did, they couldn’t have taken it much worse than my own family.

I was already the weird kid growing up: Black goth, metalhead, who much preferred reading to being social with other kids. It took a long time for my parents to figure out that they could now add “spends an inordinate amount of time trolling for cartoon porn” to the list. They knew I was a total weeaboo and certainly weren’t happy about it, but they had no idea about the fictiophilia until I was in middle school. After that, it unfortunately became open season on all of my hobbies. Enough was enough — I was going to become normal or else.

I was no longer allowed to take comic books home from the library; my computer time was monitored. Things got to the point where I was barred from watching certain channels after school in order to keep me from watching anime at home. One day, I woke up and my erotica folder was missing. When confronted, my mother informed me that it was in the dumpster and she would be happy to get the belt if I had anything more to say about it. After certain members of extended family found out, I routinely found myself literally cornered and interrogated/mocked for my hobbies as they listed all the reasons I was wrong for having them. (Why yes, they were emotionally abusive even before this. Why do you ask?)

 

As an adult, I’m now able to understand some of my mother’s behavior as thinking she was doing what’s best. Her methods were abusive and messed me up emotionally for years to come, but I know she was genuinely concerned that I’d end up a failure if she didn’t put a stop to me being so darn different. She was a woman who firmly believed that only bad things happen to those who stick out from the herd.

 

I’m glad to say that, regardless of her reasons, she failed. The porn folder was eventually restored to twice its original size, and I found ever more comics and anime to read from both sides of the Pacific. Fast-forward through high school and adulthood, and I’m not so into specific cartoon characters as I used to be. It still happens from time to time, but my main interests are now flesh-and-blood young men. But I’m far from “cured”.

 

As it turned out, a surprising number of my favorite new webcomic artists also dabble in erotica. It was even more surprising when reading just a few of these did more for my masturbation habits than over a year’s worth of watching live porn while trying to ignore how unattractive the actors were. I still go to Hiveworks and Slipshine for my porn needs over RedTube or XHamster. And, in a world of waifus, body pillows, otome games, hentai, and literal songs dedicated to all of the above, I think it’s safe to say that I’m still not alone.

 

 

 

How To Talk So People Listen To You

 

 

 

 

Do you often feel ignored when you say something?

Maybe you speak up in a group but no one pays attention. Then someone interrupts over you and instantly has the spotlight.

Or it seems everyone is always speaking over each other; their ideas get noticed but when you try…nothing.

Plenty of my readers have mentioned this problem. And in the TED talk titled “How to Speak So People Want to Listen,” Julian Treasure gives great tips to stop being ignored. Julian is an expert on sound and speech so he’s someone to listen to in this area.

 

I’ve included the talk below and summarized his main points. But I’ve also included insights of my own on ways to be heard and respected in more casual settings.

 

 

4 Top Tips to Get People Listening To You

So I agree with everything Julian Treasure said in his talk and I’ve included his main points below.

But from my experience, here are a few pointers on being heard and respected more relevant to everyday casual chat.

 

1. Increase Your Eye Contact

 

Good eye contact engages others. Think about that tingle you feel when you make eye contact with someone. Others feel that too. That’s human connection. You’re sensing the presence of another human being. When you don’t make regular eye contact, others don’t feel that “tingle” from you. In my experience, this is a major reason people get ignored.

 

2. Raise Your Level of Confidence

 

If you feel deep down what you have to say isn’t interesting or important, that will change how you interact with others. It affects your voice tone and volume. Your face gives off “micro-expressions” you can’t control, but others subconsciously notice. All in all, this causes people to discount what you say as unimportant. In other words, when YOU believe you’ll say boring stuff, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy. If you want help on becoming more confident, sign up for my newsletter here.

 

3. Improve Your Voice Tone And Volume

 

Your vocal qualities are greatly influenced by your confidence and level of shyness. But you can work to improve them individually. So a lot of what Treasure said in his talk is useful for that. I’ve found having more volume and a slower pace (but not drawl-ish) are the most important qualities to focus on first. Because others often stereotype speaking quietly and quickly as low-value cues.

 

4. Be Mindful The Expectation Of Others

 

If you’ve long been the quiet person in a certain group, it’s likely they’ve gotten into a habit of ignoring you. So even if you start being more assertive, they might still pay you little attention. If this is the case, I often advise people to try branching out into other groups and being assertive there. The new group often responds better from the start. Then, the confidence this builds often work wonders when you come back to that original group later.

Julian Treasure’s Main Points To Speak And Be Heard

So Treasure focuses more on speaking for special occasions like a job interview or a wedding speech. But his ideas can still help us in any social situation.

Here are some of his main points from the talk.

 

7 Deadly Sins Of Speaking

 

1. Gossip – Speaking ill of someone who’s not present. People disregard gossipers because they worry later, they’ll be gossiping about them.
2. Judging – It’s hard to listen to someone if you know you’re being judged and found wanting.
3. Negativity – We all have our bad days but no one will keep listening to constant cynicism.
4. Complaining – This is another form of negativity and again, constantly complaining just pushes others away.
5. Excuses – People don’t respect those who won’t take responsibility for their own lives.
6. Exaggeration – Too many tall tales can cause others to roll their eyes and tune you out.
7. Dogmatism – When someone insists their ideas are the only way things can be, that kills debate AND the patience of others.

 

4 Cornerstones of Powerful Speech

 

Use the acronym HAIL:

• H for Honesty – Not necessarily absolute honesty as in “You look horrible today dear.” But honesty tempered by love (below).
• A for Authenticity – “Standing in your own truth.”
• I for Integrity – Be your word. Do what you say and live up to your own ideals.
• L for Love – Not romantic love, but simply wishing people well.

 

Spice Up Your Vocals

 

It’s not just what you say but how you say it.

• Register – People associate vocal depth with power and authority. Try speaking “from your chest.”
• Timber – The way your voice “feels.” Warm like hot chocolate is good.
• Prosody – Don’t be monotone. Have some variation in your tone of voice.
• Pace – Not too fast and not too slow. But DO change pace at times.
• Silence – There’s nothing wrong with a bit of silence. Pepper it in to keep people engaged.
• Pitch – Put emphasis on important words and points.
• Volume – You need to be loud enough but also try being quiet to bring people in.

All great points but as I mentioned above, one of the best ways to stop being ignored is to build genuine confidence. Because it prompts others to respect you even if you aren’t super successful, attractive or charming

 

 

 

5 Rough Ways We Refer to Sex, with Kinder, Gentler, Sometimes Ridiculous Replacement Options

 

 

 

 

 

Note: And the stories goes like
...

She knew what next was going to happen...
...

I was predictable... so it didn't went as far as I saw it... 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You'll never look at a ball of yarn the same way again.

 

 

If there are two things in this world that I love and cherish, they’re sex and language. For whatever reason, so many of the little phrases we use to describe sex are overly aggressive and violent in nature. OK, the reason is probably patriarchal in nature if we do all the math on that and show our work. And as consenting adult humans with partners who are also consenting and adult humans, you may very well enjoy sex of the overly aggressive and even violent variety, which is your prerogative.

But do we have to call it one of the same names we’ve heard forever? Even if you’re not bothered by an etymological history of violence, how about some variety? I’m not interested in policing your particular sexytimes — I want you to have a ball! Or balls, even. Baller status, if you will.

I’m just tired of hearing the same old ways in which we’ve conversationally conflated sex and violence being dropped into so many conversations all willy-nilly. There are hundreds upon hundreds of euphemisms for sex, dating back many centuries, and yet the main ones that have survived and thrive in common contemporary parlance are violent in nature.

They also perpetuate a narrow and archaic view of sex as always being intercourse between a man and a woman. Fam, I know there are many ways in which we can do the deed, and that people exist on a wide spectrum of sexuality and gender. And that is glorious. This list is not about purity or chastity, but rather having a good time and being able to describe it without including an implicit threat.

 

1. Bang

 

The use of the word bang in a vulgar sexual manner is so popular that it’s been added as a line item in Merriam-Webster’s dictionary definition. Some would argue that vigorous sexual intercourse that involves a penis or is otherwise penetrative by a device could aptly be described as “banging,” and — ahem — might even produce that sound. Onomatopoeia aside, it’s just overused, juvenile, and played out.

 

“Shag” as a way to reference sex dates back to the 1700s, although specific etymological origin is unknown. The word has always been way more popular in Britain than in the U.S., but it’s been a favorite of mine since way before the second Austin Powers movie used it in its title. Maybe it’s the Anglophile in me, but I adore the straightforward cuteness of saying, “Fancy a shag?” or “I could go for a shag.” Bonus points for prefacing your shag with a hearty snog.

 

 

2. Screw/Nail

 

Hardware store proprietors and construction enthusiasts probably don’t even use these words with as much frequency as an enthusiastic frat boy using limited vocabulary to describe a sexual conquest. Interestingly enough, though I’ve combined them here, screw and nail are not as identical in meaning as they are in overuse and unnecessary Tool Time with Tim Taylor imagery.

 

A cunning linguist at the English Language & Usage Stack Exchange notes that, "Interestingly, both ‘nail’ and ‘screw’ can refer to sexual intercourse — but with the very fundamental difference (borne over from the basic meanings of the word) that screwing someone just refers, in a roundabout way, to the general ‘in-out’ motions performed during sex, while nailing someone indicates that there is a nailer and a nailee: one party is ‘using’ the nail, and the other party is implicitly likened to a wall that the nail goes into. In other words, it is quite common for a guy to brag to his friends that he ‘nailed’ a girl; but not very common for a girl to say that she ‘nailed’ a guy.”

Toppling sexist metaphor use one ridiculous suggestion at a time, allow me to suggest...

Alternative: Wind up my little ball of yarn

 

 

This plucky little phrase was actually a popular way to talk about the sex in England and Scotland in the 19th century. It even has its own traditional folk song, in which the narrator is out for a stroll when a “maiden fair” makes the titular offer, which, of course, sounds delightful.

Chapter 10.1 - Conversation (Part 2)

Reader Question Answered: How to Talk to Strangers Confidently Without Practicing

 

 

 

 

1. How do you talk to someone you don’t know?
2. How do you build your confidence, other than practicing talking (because sometimes you don’t have time, or you’ve tried and failed enough)

 

These are two questions I get asked often. So I’ve included my response below in the hopes it might help you too.

 

My Response

Hey XXXX,

So a couple of big questions here. I’ll do my best to give you some good suggestions here in this short email.

The short answer to your first question is really confidence. Once you are more confident in yourself and your social abilities, you can more easily go up and talk to people you don’t know.

There’s always this debate of “what do I say?” when talking to a stranger. But really, if you have more confidence, you can say almost anything and it will work.

 

 

• Because the other person will sense the confidence in your voice.
• They’ll sense it in your body language.
• They’ll sense it radiating from you in ways you can’t fake.

 

This will put them at ease a bit and they’ll be more accepting which will make it easier to engage them. Now you can fake some of this a little. You can focus on better eye contact and posture, etc. But ultimately, you really need to be confident.

 

How to Build Confidence

 

The ONLY way I’ve found to truly build confidence is by DOING the thing you lack confidence in. So yes that means, if you lack confidence talking to people, you HAVE to talk to more people to gain confidence.

I know that sounds like a catch 22, but there is a way to do it.

It’s nothing revolutionary.

 

You do it by taking baby steps. This also addresses your concerns of not having time and failing.

There are likely people around you on a daily basis you can practice on who also don’t intimidate you too much. For example, you can practice basic conversation skills on your:

 

• coworkers
• family
• current friends
• the checkout clerk at the coffee shop
• etc

 

The point is, you practice basic skills in settings where you are already around people. This way, you aren’t spending any more time on it than you normally would throughout your day. Also, since you’re around these people (mentioned above) on a more normal basis, you’re likely going to be less intimidated.

There will be less worry about failing.

 

By doing things this way, when you DO see a stranger you’d like to talk to, you’ll have more practice under your belt. You’ll be just that much LESS intimidated because of all the social “weight-lifting” you’ve been doing elsewhere. So you’ll be more likely to try talking to that person than otherwise.

And of course, that serves as practice too, right?

The Smart Way to Practice

When I wanted to get better at all this, I did just what I described above. I started practicing basic conversation skills with my current friends, family, coworkers, etc.

Seeing how (consciously) good I could be in conversation in those settings gave me a confidence boost. I also began to see how bad many other people’s conversation skills are. That boosted my confidence more.

Then I moved up to talking to more and more intimidating strangers. Sure, I sucked at times and felt a bit embarrassed. But I was ABLE to step out and try because of the practice I had done before which built up my confidence.

What shocked me in those situations was that sometimes when talking to a stranger, I’d do AMAZING! It’s like I just knew what to say and how to say it. It wasn’t stuff I’d rehearsed saying in advance or anything…it just flowed out of me.

What I’ve discovered is, when you start to build your confidence, you worry less in social situations. When you worry less, your brain is more free to spontaneously come up with stuff to say in conversations. So really, building confidence through experience is the KEY.

 

So that’s a bit of a long winded answer. If you’d like to hear more on this concept, I actually wrote a post on Pick the Brain titled: Are You Messing Up the Simple X+Y=Z Formula For Building Confidence?

Hope this helps!

 

Sincerely,

 

Dean

 

What Are Your Questions

 

So I hope that response also helps you. If you have questions or want even more advice on building confidence, overcoming shyness, and improving conversation skills, you can sign up for my free newsletter by clicking here.

You can also leave questions and comments below.

 

 

 

The 1 Night That Makes Talking to Strangers in Bars 13 x Easier

 

 

 

Through talking to many shy and socially insecure people, there’s a cruel irony I’ve discovered.

Many crave the ability to talk to the “cool” people in places like bars, clubs or on the street. But unfortunately, talking to those people in those places feels impossible.

“Popular people” are generally more “picky” and dismissive in those types of “cold” social settings. And the fact rejection seems more likely to you makes these the hardest places to engage strangers if you aren’t already confident and skilled socially.

Well, if you’ve read any of my articles before, you know I advocate practicing your conversation skills repeatedly. This grows your skills AND confidence so you gradually expand your comfort zone.

 

But how can you practice in places like bars when it’s so hard to even start talking to people there?

Well, what if it could be easy, even for just one night out of the year? What if there was a way for even insecure people to easily start conversations in these intimidating yet alluring places?

 

Make Conversation Practice Easy by Going Out on Halloween

 

In my experience, Halloween is one of the best nights of the year for a socially insecure person to socialize in a bar. Yes I’ll admit, saying it’s 13 times easier is just in the spirit of the season. But I DO know from experience starting conversation is exponentially easier on Halloween.

Because on Halloween, talking to people you don’t know in places like bars and clubs is expected. In other words, you have the perfect conversation starter built into the event.

 

 “Aw, that costume is awesome!”

OR

“Whoa…ok. I give up. What IS your costume?”

Some variation on the above two lines is the conversation starter everyone engages in all night long. Not only is it expected, people WANT you to comment on their costume.

It also works great when you recognize what someone’s costume is and compliment them on it. This works even better if they’re an obscure character, like say Starswirl the Bearded ;)

 

That’s High-5 worthy right there!

 

Why Halloween Makes Starting Conversations Easier

Basically, Halloween makes the normal “cold” social setting of bars and clubs more “warm.” It gives everyone there something in common to talk about. Plus, because of the nature of the holiday, most people are in a playful, positive, and open mood.

This makes the starting a conversation part of things less anxiety provoking.

After you make a comment on their costume, continuing the conversation is also easier.

• Maybe you talk about fond memories you have related to their costume/character
• Maybe you ask why they chose the costume, then talk about your costume a bit
• Maybe you discuss other costumes you’ve each seen people wearing that night

 

Throughout all of this chatting, it’s likely free information about them will come out. You can use this to continue the conversation in a different direction. Just remember, the above examples are only to show you that simple topics CAN work.

But my advice is to stray away from rehearsing what you will say or creating pre-planned material.

Remember, you’re working at moving through a conversation in the moment, NOT at performing a script you planned in advance. In most cases, pre-planning what you’re going to say only makes you MORE nervous and you end up sounding awkward.

 

 

3 Tips to Talk to MORE People with LESS Anxiety This Halloween1. Practice at YOUR Skill Level

 

If you try to push too far past your current comfort zone, you’ll make yourself overly anxious. All that does is cause you to freeze up and not talk to new people. Instead, take baby steps. That’s the key to stop being shy.

So if you normally have trouble starting conversations with strangers, make JUST THAT your goal. Start say, 5 conversations during the night. Just comment on people’s costumes in a positive manner and get their response. That’s it. If you’ve done that, consider the night a success.

 

On the other hand, if starting a conversation like this isn’t that big a deal for you, aim a bit highter. See if you can keep the conversation going for a few minutes after you start.

The point is to push yourself out of your comfort zone, but not too far. That way you’ll still see success without feeling overwhelmed.

 

2. Wear an Awesome Costume

 

The benefit of wearing a good costume is others will stop YOU to talk about it. This gives you more “stranger practice” without having to approach as many people.

Now you can either buy a good costume OR put time and effort into making a clever one. The second is my favorite way to go. You don’t have to spend a lot of money on it either. You can often use stuff you have laying around the house.

 

 

“That’s a fact jack!”

For example, one of my recent Halloween costumes was a “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Nose.” Since it was funny and clever, I had people coming up to me all night asking about it.

 

So if you’re extra creative, make your costume unique or even obscure. For those who “get it,” you’ll create a strong connection. For those who don’t, they’re more likely to stop you and ask because they want to know what the hell you are.

 

3. Wear a Mask

 

Philip Zimbardo, a famous shyness researcher, describes how his younger brother overcame shyness with a paper bag. By wearing the bag over his head to elementary school, the boy gradually became more and more outgoing. The anonymity of the paper bag made him bold enough to act in ways he normally wouldn’t. Eventually he was able to be outgoing without hiding behind the bag.

You can use the same concept on Halloween with a mask. It can be a small Zorro type mask or a full face mask. Go to the Halloween store and test which makes you feel more liberated.

 

The point is, spending Halloween behind a mask is an opportunity to jump past your normal limitations. Even if it only helps you be bold and confident for one night, you’ll see what it feels like. You’ll see what’s possible.

Have an Intention to Practice, NOT to “Be Liked”

 

The most important tip to remember is this: The night IS NOT about trying to get people to like you or making friends. If those things happen then fine. That’s just icing on the cake. But again, it’s not what you’re trying to achieve. Because having that mindset will make you more anxious and needy.

 

No, your goal is just to practice being more social by commenting on costumes and perhaps seeing how long you can keep the interaction going. That’s it, that’s all.

 

Don’t get me wrong…your anxiety will still be there. But the barriers to connecting in the bar setting will be much lower than normal. It’s just too good a practice opportunity to miss.

 

 

What A Man TRULY Sees When You're Completely Naked

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Not at all what we expected!

 

Women in a state of undress tend to think about their "wobbly bits" as Bridget Jones once called them back in the day. This probably includes one or more of the "trouble area trifecta" spots: stomach, thighs or butt.

Men, on the other hand, skip the wobbles and let their gazes go almost immediately to their favorite parts, whether a woman's clothed or well ... naked. 

 

Truth Merchants' "Ask A Guy" contributor, "Preston Swagger", gives us the down low on what men really think when they see you naked and interestingly enough, where he looks first tells you a lot about his favorite body parts:

Ladies if you want an idea of what the guy who’s checking you out is into — follow his eyes.

• If we size you up from toe to head we’re mostly likely a feet, legs, or ass man.
• If we go from head to toe we’re probably more into eyes, lips/smile, breasts.

Not saying that the total package isn’t important — because of course it is — but our eyes float to what we like best, first. 

 

The mental picture we take of you naked is stored in the long term memory bank and can be called upon for daydreams for up to years afterward. In fact, the only thing stored in this area of our brain is mental pictures of you naked and mental pictures of us while doing the hibbity-dibbity.

 

There’s no room in this area of the brain for anything else like your flaws or imperfections. 

 

So we see you, no matter where or when we see you, and we think you look fine as hell! 

But here's the best part... 

We begin to talk a little. THEN you ... say IT. IT is something that is exactly what that particular guy wanted to hear:

Yeah, I love to cook
I LOVE watching football
I’ve been called a nympho, but I don’t think it’s true.
I used to be a gymnast

 

Well hello there…

 

Remember that movie - There’s Something About Mary — where Matt Dillon sets Cameron Diaz up with perfection? He opens his car door and the blueprints come out and she’s like, “oh you’re an architect”...and then he asks for quarter because all he has are Nepalize coins and she’s like, “oh you’ve been to Nepal?”.

 

Everybody hopes to find their dream guy or perfect girl. In reality we know there is no such thing. But there’s a brief time when you might just be perfect.

 

And whether or not you're perfect for him has nothing to do with what you look like without your clothes on. We love you naked no matter what.  

Whether he's a toe-to-head or head-to-toe kind of guy, what's certain is that he's taking mental snapshots to revisit at a later date, he think's you're beautiful, but the best part? It's what comes out of your mouth that makes him fall in love. Sound familiar, ladies? Yeah. Exactly.  

 

 

 

 

 

What A Sexual Assault Survivor Thinks About Women’s ‘Rape’ Fantasies

 

 

 

We can talk about both, but there's a time and place.

 

You could hear a pin drop in the room. With all eyes on me, the intensity of the moment could be cut with a knife.

I had been invited by a state university to be a keynote speaker about sex trafficking from the perspective of a survivor of family trafficking.

Most people there had never met an actual sexual assault survivor — at least, not that they were aware of. I could tell from the hushed tones that they were curious about many things having to do with the overriding topic of rape.

I was called to the podium to give my story.

For twenty minutes, no one said a word as they listened. My hands trembled and my voice quaked, but with resolve to shed light on a problem facing more than 20.9 million human trafficking victims in the world — 79 percent for whom the trafficking is sexual in nature — I continued on and shared my painful story.

This wasn't my first time opening up about the sexual abuse I've endured, but I was still new to the experience of discussing it in public.

The first time I had spoken out publicly was shortly after I realized I was more than a childhood sexual abuse survivor.

 

 

​

I had interviewed a sex trafficking survivor leaderfor a radio show several months before, and as she shared her story, memories I had as a child that once confused me started to make sense. With her help, I realized what I experienced was not only sexual abuse but a form of human trafficking.

She and other survivors had begun sharing their stories in public in order to bring greater awareness of the issue. I started sharing mine, too. Sharing her story brought her national attention. Sharing mine brought me a unique awareness of human nature — that the moment people hear someone start talking about something they've never experienced, especially if it involves sex, curiosity follows. 

I'm well aware that it's human nature to be curious, especially about taboo sex.

 

But I didn't expect to trigger sexual arousal in others when talking about my experience.

 

And I was well aware I could become exploited in some new way, so I knew better than to share precise details of what had happened. I had observed how other sexual abuse survivors were asked questions that felt violating during interviews, leaving them triggered for weeks. I had also witnessed opportunists try to make money by pushing survivors to share their stories rather than asking them to help in other ways for the sake of the cause.

I wanted to promote awareness. I wanted people to know this DID happen, so that others, specifically victims still in silence, could be helped. Maybe there was another survivor in the audience, who, like me, didn't understand the confusion of their memories, and then suddenly realized my story was their story, too.

It's not uncommon for sex trafficking survivors and sexual abuse survivors to go without telling a single soul until one day find themselves in a situation in which they can open up free from judgment to another person who has experienced the same pain.

A key reason I tell others my story is that some survivors get stuck in their own doubts about their personal experience. It's too frightening for them to believe, and too real for them to accept. For those who have never experienced any form of sexual abuse, it is crucial to understand that when you hear survivors share their story, you help by making their experiences tangible. 

 

But I didn't expect the questions I was asked after I shared my story — by women.

 

Questions like:

• "What were you wearing?"
• "How many times a day did it happen?"
• "What positions did you use?"
• "Did you ever like it?"

 

Of course, these questions revealed more about the people asking them than about the serious problem I came to discuss.

I learned that many women fantasize about being raped, but they don't know how to talk about these fantasies in healthy ways because they are told their fantasies are "wrong." So when they meet someone who has experienced the closest thing they've heard to their own secret fantasy, they are wildly curious.

We all have fantasies. Some women fantasize about a big house or a making it to the top of a career. Other women fantasize about having a giant walk-in closet with unlimited shoe space or being the first woman to walk on Mars.

Fantasies are pulled from the things around us and driven by what we need to feel and fulfill inside of us. As a woman, I understand wanting to feel like a man desires me so much that he is consumed by his love, and I believe that this desire is at the core of most rape fantasies, and why women may want to role play it with their lover.

But there's a right time, place, and person to ask questions what it's like to experience that. 

 

Being raped and having a rape fantasy are not the same thing.

 

Your kinky sex life is safe — it's something that brings you and your man together. A little role play adds spice to the bedroom, no question.

There's nothing wrong with being as kinky as you or as you are not as long as consenting adults are involved.

You've always wanted to have your lover so consumed by his passion for you, that he can't control himself. Without asking your permission — since you have expressly told him this is your fantasy and given him permission to initiate it at will — he grabs you, pulls you close, and you ALLOW him to overpower you with his manhood. You want it. You need it.

I get it.

And there's a difference.

Role play fulfills your sexual wants and desires, which are totally normal and completely OK.The problem is that when you don't know how to discuss this fantasy safely with others, you may explore your fantasy outside of the bedroom in an unhealthy way.

 

When you try to explore it in uninvited conversation with rape survivors, you complicate the entire discussion of rape, the objectification of women, and rape culture.

 

 

​

Not knowing how to talk about sexual fantasies in a healthy way can inadvertently undermine the deep need we all have to feel safe — and to be believed when rape does happen. 

Sexual fantasies are normal. If they weren't, there'd be no 50 Shades of Grey phenomenon to support the theory that many women are interested in power-exchange role play. 

 

We need a safe space in our society for open, non-judgmental dialogue about the sexual power play between equal, consenting adults.

 

Perhaps there should be a new word for the type of forceful play that men and women want in the bedroom other than "rape." More constructive sexual conversations would help both men and women release their fears of being judged for wanting — and LOVING — kinky, healthy, safe, sane and consensual sex.  

But please, don't ask me or any other rape survivor questions about our real life pain when what you are looking for are ideas about making it "real" in the privacy of your own bedroom. 

C H A P T E R _ Z E R O - Dash (Part 1)

 How To Successfully Approach A Beautiful Woman

 

 

 

Building up the confidence to talk to a beautiful stranger at the bar is something that’s oft-discussed and analyzed. There are a million manuals, books, articles and YouTube channels on how to do it. The thing that’s wrong with all of them? They make it too hard. Seriously. Getting phone numbers from beautiful women is not the same as Sudoku: don’t make an elaborate game of it! Here, we discuss some ways to go about approaching women that are simple and effective -- but they’ll transform the way you think of the process.

 

Be Chill

 

Here’s the thing. Approaching strangers is the least chill thing in the entire universe, because you’re interrupting someone as they go about their day! Without warning!

It’s understandable that you’re nervous about it, and it’s natural to want to compensate for that nervousness. But resist the urge to approach with some corny gimmick, as if you’re a salesman going door-to-door with his product. Women can sense bullshit from a mile away, so it’s not necessary to dream up complicated pick-up lines. Plus, anything of the kind will stress her out. Stressing women out is definitely not good game.

Before you approach her, ask yourself ‘How would I want to be approached by a stranger?’ Relax! Be normal. Pretend that you’re talking to an old acquaintance you haven’t seen in a while. Ask her if she recommends the wine she’s drinking. Ask her opinion on that hat the bartender is wearing, instead of hitting on her with aggressive compliments. This will create a natural rapport and make the conversation that much smoother and more pleasant.

 

Approach Women Who Have Time To Talk To You

 

Good timing is key to flirtation, so observe what she’s doing before you go leaping across the room to talk to her. Is she furiously texting someone? Is she walking to the bathroom hurriedly? Does she seem busy or harried? Is she having a profound conversation with somebody at the bar? In all these situations, you shouldn’t approach a stranger. Even if she’s smitten by you, she won’t be able to talk while her boss is emailing her about a work crisis. Only approach women who seem relaxed and at their leisure -- they’re the ones who’ll actually want to talk to you.

 

Keep It Low Stakes

 

It might seem like this is it. You’ve spotted a girl who’s a dead ringer for Jennifer Lawrence and you’re convinced this is your one shot at true love. But remember, that’s not the case! There will always be another day, another gorgeous woman across the room, another shot at true love. So don’t approach women as if it’s an all-or-nothing game. Remember, women are always evaluating the likelihood of a threat from strange men, so any intense come-ons are more creepy than they are flattering.

Don’t ask for her phone number right away -- women aren’t comfortable giving that much information to a stranger. Start small: ask her politely if you can buy her a drink and add, “If not, no worries.” Adding a disclaimer to what you’re saying lets her know that you’re not a serial-killer (always a good thing!). You might want to give her your phone number, instead of taking hers.

Another power move is the walk-away. You can tell her “Hey, you seem really cool. If you’d like a drink later, I’ll be by the bar” and walk off. This is perfect, because it leaves the ball in her court. Now she’s free to come find you, and you have established that you’re not going to be pushy or creepy about it at all. The less pushy you appear, the better she’ll feel about texting you later to hang out.

 

Come To Terms With Getting Rejected

 

Repeat this to yourself before you go over! Repeat it until you’ve internalized it. Rejection is like bread-and-butter. It’s not about you, it’s just that she’s not feeling it that particular day. You can’t succeed every time. Failing is good practice (even Steph Curry misses some shots!). So if she says No, don’t stress it. Don’t overthink it, and definitely don’t ask her why or push her to change her mind. That’s a surefire way to creep out a woman.

It’s important to keep in mind that women don’t always reject men directly. They may feel too uncomfortable to rap out a hard No the second you go over. But that doesn’t mean you should keep talking obliviously -- why would you want to talk to somebody you have to hold hostage? Be sensitive to any signal that she’s not interested. Read her nonverbal cues and body language -- is she crossing her arms or tapping her feet in impatience? If she’s replying with one-word answers, or is distracted and looking elsewhere, this is your cue to excuse yourself nicely and go get a drink.

If she says No outright, smile and say “Well, it was worth a shot. Have a great day!” That way she’ll be flattered, and leave with a positive opinion of the interaction. After all, making someone’s day is a pretty decent alternative to getting their number.

 

Respect Her Time

 

Okay, she’s actually interested -- that’s great! You’re hitting it off, and she’s enthusiastic, chatty and animated. But hold on: that doesn’t mean you should push it. She may not want to spend the entire night talking to you -- which is why you should be mindful of her circumstances.

For instance, if she’s with her friends on girls’ night, don’t monopolize her entire night. There will be plenty of chances to talk later. Give her your phone number and let her know you’d love to continue this. Respecting their time and space is the only real way to succeed with women. Good luck!

 

 

 

 

Note: Yeah it's juicy... but it is natural...!?

 

 

 

 

Are rape fantasies natural? If so, how many women are having them... and why?

 

In a culture where polyamory is part of the national vocabulary, sex parties are no longer shocking, and Rihanna is singing about S&M on the radio airwaves, it would seem that kink has finally gone mainstream.

Still, there are some things that are still taboo—at least until you peek into women's panties.

Psychological Science published the results of a study that explored men's and women's sexual response to various stimuli. By the conclusion of the study, it was determined that men's genital arousal occurred in response to a very limited number of sexual stimuli while, in contrast, women's genital arousal occurred in response to a much wider range of sexual stimuli, including imagery involving violence and non-consensual sex.

In other words, female subjects were turned on—at least in their nether regions—by depictions of rape. (Men, on the flipside, responded almost exclusively to the consensual scenarios.)

The word rape is garnering a lot of attention lately. More people are discussing what exactly constitutes a rape and more women are coming forward to share their (horrifying) stories of abuse. So while there can obviously be a huge disconnect between how horny a woman feels and how wet her naughty bits become, the results of this study nevertheless beg the question:

 

Are rape fantasies natural? If so, how many women are having them... and why?

 

According to YourTango Expert, sexologist and relationship coach Veronica Monet, rape fantasies are more common than you think… depending upon how you define rape.

"Some of the things we consider rape today were considered normal a couple hundred years ago," says Monet, making mention of hair-pulling cavemen and moving on to the bodice-ripping rape scenes romanticized in romance novels and movies today. "Some of this has been in the culture for a long time, and women have sort of absorbed that. Now, it's a common fantasy to want to be pushed up against the wall, and have a kiss forced upon you."

Moushumi Ghose, YourTango Expert, sex educator, and a licensed marriage and family therapist, agrees. "By nature," she says, "women seek to be protected and cared for and, in a sense, a rape fantasy is a desire not just to be dominated but also to be able to completely surrender."

But, Monet asks, where does one draw the line between a sexually aggressive male who knows exactly when and where a woman wants to be taken, and a male who perpetrates rape?

Monet herself has a unique perspective on the rape fantasy. She was raped twice and, later in life, engaged in rape fantasies with her husband. It may seem odd, but Monet is particularly eloquent when it comes to the stark differences between rape fantasy and an actual rape. 

When speaking about her own rape, the difference is clear.

"There’s nothing sexy about it," she says. As for the fantasies, "When you're engaging in a fantasy, you're running the entire show. You are 100 percent in control of every minute detail. It was very hot and exciting for me. My husband tied me to a chair, ripped my clothes off, forced me to suck his cock and fingered me. I had a huge orgasm."

Ghose adds, "Rape fantasies are not about violence. They are about relinquishing control, and being able to completely surrender."

 

So how does one approach a partner when they have a particularly unusual fantasy?

 

"If it's pushing their icky button," says Monet, "it would be really great for them to enlarge their vision of what's normal and what's OK. Help them do research online about your particular fetish or interest, so that they can see how common it is. This normalizes and humanizes it."

After that, if your partner is willing to explore this fantasy with you, what's most important is planning—in detail—every aspect of your fantasy as it will play out in the bedroom. Decide upon a safe word, such as "yellow" for "slow down" or "red" for "stop."

 

Make sure—especially if you're a survivor of rape or abuse—that no aspect of this fantasy will be triggering for you.

 

"The receiver needs to indicate what is OK and what is not OK," says Ghose. "Above all, communication is key. Telling your partner what you like, and what makes you comfortable and uncomfortable, can make a rape fantasy enjoyable and worthwhile."

But what about those who insist that fantasies about non-consensual sex indicate an implicit approval of rape? 

"That view is absolutely incorrect," says Ghose. "Rape fantasies do not condone or allow violence. It has more to do with surrender, the ability to let oneself go completely in a safe and comfortable space. Arousal and climax are a delicate balance of anxiety and relaxation. Being preoccupied and fearful for your life does not stimulate anyone."

"It's certainly not true to me amongst the people I know," adds Monet. "I admire how expertly they (the S&M community) do boundaries. Draw up contracts and negotiate every detail of the relationship. They understand the difference between consensual and non-consensual."

At the conclusion of our chat, Monet lays it out simple: "Rape is doing something against somebody's will. One is consensual and one is not. The end."

 

 

Should You Take Her Back If She Dumped You?

 

 

 

The Dating Nerd is a shadowy figure whose whereabouts and identifying details remain unknown. What we do know is that he is really, really good at dating. He’s been on more dates than you can shake a lengthy bar tab at, and he’s here to help the average guy step his dating game up a notch — or several.

 

The Question

Hi Dating Nerd,

I just got out of a year-long relationship. Or so I thought. My girlfriend dumped me a few weeks ago and broke my heart. Then she texted me late one night that she was thinking about things and starting to think she had made the wrong move. I got the sense that she was probably drunk, so I ignored it. But the next morning she followed up and for the next few days kept texting me, begging me to meet up and talk things over. I shouldn't be considering this, right? It's insane. But I can't stop thinking about it.

- On the Fence

 

The Answer

Hi Fence-Boy,

 

Oh boy. You’re really in deep, aren’t you? Reader, I say this because nobody escapes the tremendous embarrassment of getting back together with someone who dumped you. The indignity is enormous. Your mother will be concerned. Your co-workers, who watched you become progressively more unkempt as your awful relationship progressed, will look at you funny. Your buddies, after having endured many beery rants about how your ex didn’t appreciate how manly your manliness is, will give you truly Biblical amounts of crap for this. Even your dentist, if you tell your dentist, will pity you. Do you really want someone poking around in your mouth with a tiny steel hook, saying consoling things about your romantic life?

 

But you’re considering it anyway. You wrote the Dating Nerd. So you’re in love. Or, at least, you were in serious lust — the kind where every sober instinct in your body is instantly shattered by the very specific flutter of a very specific set of eyelashes. You don’t care about being mistreated — not enough that you know, without a doubt, that you shouldn’t go back to your ex who mistreated you. You apparently don’t care about those long nights where you hoped your roommates couldn’t hear you cry, because, of course, you never cry, ever, do you?

 

I’m sorry. That’s rough. Nevertheless. Don’t do it. Do not take her back. Listen: I know that love is invaluable. We do all sorts of unwise things for love. We date people with drug addictions. We adopt shelter dogs who tried to eat their last owner. We do karaoke. If you really need this woman so bad that you’re willing to be a total dumb-ass so you can have her in your life again, well, there’s nothing I can tell you. What I can tell you is that you’d be a total dumb-ass for doing so.

 

I mean, what’s the best-case scenario here? The best-case scenario is that she really, truly changed her mind about you. When you were together, she was heartened by what a good boyfriend you were, or just how handsome you are, you handsome rogue, you — but she was also pulling out her (presumably pretty and nice-smelling) hair all the time because of all the ways you pissed her off. She didn’t like the fact that you didn’t trim your pubes. She was embarrassed by your Instagram filter choices.

 

But now she misses you. She realizes she took you for granted — that every person has profoundly annoying qualities, but that not everyone is as profoundly great a boyfriend as you were. Now, all day, every day, a little heart-shaped (or dick-shaped) thought bubble that you inhabit floats above her head. She really, truly wants you back.

 

Sounds nice, right? Wrong. This is terrible. This is a bad sign. Because she should’ve realized you were great before she broke up with you!

Think about it. She knew that dumping you would hurt you. She knew how you’d feel humiliated. She knew about how silly your constant Tweets about your relationship would seem after she nonchalantly broke your heart. And none of that made her stop and think, y’know, maybe I should stay with this attractive, caring person who is very good at sex, despite the terrifying fact that they aren’t literally perfect. Nope.

 

 

This says that she’s not a reliable person. She doesn’t yet know what every mature human being should: that really important decisions — like ones concerning you — should be based on long-term thinking, rather than short-term emotions. If you resume a relationship with somebody like this, how long can you expect it to last? Maybe she’ll break up with you again because she’s having a spell of indigestion. Maybe she’ll break up with you because she’s distracted by her hot new personal trainer. Whatever. You can’t be sure that she’ll remember how valuable you are. It’s vanishingly unlikely that, in the short time since your breakup, she’s become the kind of self-assured, steady-handed person who won’t screw you around again.

 

And, remember, that’s the best-case scenario. The worst-case scenario is that she just straight-up doesn’t care about you that much at all, and that she never really did. In this scenario, as lovely as you were, you didn’t leave a lasting impression — you essentially served as entertainment, not a three-dimensional human being she felt any responsibility for. So she broke up with you because she was bored, and, now, she’s bored again, after fooling around with 1-10 other guys, backpacking through Argentina, studying astrophysics, or whatever the hell she thought would be exciting. Now, you’re appealing again just because you haven’t been around for awhile.

 

There are people like this, of every gender — intense, charming, immensely self-involved people who care way more about their amusement than the people who amuse them. Dating someone like this is totally forgivable, because crazy, boundary-breaking people have a special kind of charisma — volatile people are exciting. But they also provide a special kind of pain. Get out as soon as you can.

And, finally, it’s not even particularly important whether your ex is a careless person, or a cruel person, or some wonderful salad of carelessness and cruelty. What’s important is that if you get back together with your ex, you show them that they can get whatever they want. They can destroy the relationship, and they can depend on you to put it back together again. They can scream at you, tell their friends you’re an asshole, tell your friends you’re an asshole, and you’re right back at it two weeks later, buying them extremely expensive eggs at their favourite fancy brunch spot.

 

This is always bad — it’s bad for you, and it’s bad for them. People do change, but they tend to change slowly. Generally, you mature at the exact rate that life requires you to. If you tell your ex she can’t have you, you’re delivering another, very important message as well — don’t screw around with people’s hearts. You’re also telling her (and telling yourself) that you have enough self-respect that you won’t put up with someone screwing around with yours.

 

 

 

C H A P T E R _ Z E R O - Read

So here is few erotic comics who you can go and read

Most girls enjoy reading fan erotic comics... but to get into the mind of a girl... you need first to go over the material which they squidish their minds...

 

• ALICE NO TAKARABAKO - MIZURYUU KEI/CHINJU NO YAOTOME

 

Note: This shit is stranger than fiction

 

 

• A SUNDAY SCHOOLING

C H A P T E R _ Z E R O - Dash (Part 2)

 

Note: This is symbol of art... you either get it or not

 

 

 

 Strip Club Science: Stripper Jedi

 

 

 

 

Unlike most newbie dancers, I did not improve for a freakishly long time.

 

 

 

 

THE SLIPPERY SLOPE TO STRIPPING

 

Like more bad things than I’d care to admit, it all started with the Internet. Specifically: Craigslist.

My dad -- appropriately a software developer with a Southern Christian upbringing -- had a theory that the Internet was actually the Beast in Revelations . Beyond his vague crackpot theories regarding evil, he also had some solid parental advice that most upright citizens would probably agree with: “Nothing good ever happens past 2 AM.”

If I ever have children, I will probably warn them that nothing good ever happens when you turn to the Internet in moments of desperation.

It’s easy to knock conservative figurehead types, but maybe those guys are somewhat enlightened when it comes to erecting barriers between yourself and all the Shit You Definitely Won’t Do. Whether it comes from a legitimate place of moral strength or a fear of shady shit surfacing, the fabled slippery slope is very real my friends, and I’m here to tell my version of this universal tale.

I almost walked out within 10 seconds of walking in.

During our first meeting at the club, the owner fed a very shiny, terrified, trembling version of me beer after beer until I finally agreed to an audition. I got up there with a hula hoop, did the routine that I had been getting paid to perform at raves in front of a room of confused dudes, and was instructed to come back the following Tuesday for my first shift. I was in.

At this point, I just thought I was doing the same thing that I had been doing for the last year in the same clothes that I would have worn to a public beach but for way more money. I would come to learn that this job is a total deathtrap for voyeurs, chronically curious girls, and writer types.

I should have been wary; anything that is that hard and simultaneously that easy is bound to be devastatingly addictive.

 

INITIATION

 

“So, what do you wanna go by?” the manager asked me on my first night.

“Uhhmm, uhhhrr,” I stuttered. I thought of who I wanted to be, what kind of girl I would transform into after I walked through the door. Chloe Sevigny in "Party Monster" came to mind. Yes! Pigtails, lollipop in mouth, sexy but innocent vibes. What was her name again? Gitzy? Glitzy?

“Glitzy!” I announced, proudly. Manager looked at me like I had grown a penis on my forehead.

“Most girls pick, y’know,” He paused, searching for a way to state the obvious. “Normal girl names. Candy, Jenny, Lily, Mercedes.” I zoned out, trying to comprehend the difference. None of those names sounded very normal to me.

A week later, the manager held an intervention. A cluster of concerned strippers brainstormed a new identity for me. These fairy godmother-like figures christened me with yet another a cheesy name ending in the letter "y," and instantly my job became five times easier.

 

 

 

STRIPPER JEDI

 

Unlike most newbie dancers, I did not improve for a freakishly long time.

About a month into my fledgling stripper career, the same owner that hired me paid me a visit to see how I was doing. After my atrocious set he took me aside, poured me my usual (vodka and Redbull -- the official sponsor of 21-year-old girls across the nation) and, in a measured tone, shared with me the universal secrets to success as a stripper.

A Very Serious look came over me and I listened intently while scanning the stage. As I watched the hyperconfident 30-year-old with a bad C-section scar and Tigger tramp-stamp tattoo magically extract dollar bills from the ether -- I had to ask myself: Why are they throwing money at this ho instead of my nouveau jail-bait ass?

 

“It’s all mind control,” he said. “It’s got nothing to do with how good you look or dance. Just own it and look them in the eye.”

Petrifying shyness and a lifelong mildly Aspergic symptom of not being able to maintain eye contact canceled out any kind of points my lack of stretch marks had scored. I wondered if I should just quit now, but given my dire situation even $100 a night of predominantly sympathy tips was life changing. The owner sensed my hopelessness.

 

“Hey,” he said, cueing the bartender to refill my glass, “You’re a smart girl, you can do this. Once you master the mind control, you can do anything, inside or outside the club.”

 

“Maybe this is exactly what I need,” I thought to myself as I retreated to the sanctuary of the dressing room. I remembered all the things that I had missed out on in life simply because I was too afraid to ask or too afraid to stick up for myself.

My caste status in high school (lunchtime darkroom-dweller) had stuck with me internally, and despite developing into a conventionally attractive girl, it was evident in how I carried myself that confidence was still in short supply.

Of course, it was fun to fantasize about making a grand a night and embodying the languid sex appeal that the pros had, but at this time my main focus was squarely on making it through my shift and avoiding eviction.

 

 

ZEN AND THE ART OF GETTING YOUR TITS OUT

 

Even anxiety-ridden perfectionists such as myself power through given enough time. It’s kind of like Bikram yoga -- you submit yourself to the same ritual torture over and over and learn how to tune out the mental drama in between.

For this reason, the stage can actually become a vacuous yet comforting addictive pursuit in and of itself. There is no future, no past, no thoughts. Funny how all that Eckhart Tolle shit your mom made you read starts to work when it’s all just booty flex left, right, left, right, 1, 2, 3, 4, left, right, right, right.

As Brandi -- the 60-something woman selling bikinis 20 years after quitting -- often said to the disaffected cluster of strippers before leaving for the night: “Ladies, your job is to be an actress. Never forget that.”

While at first I thought she was referring to the cartoonish “O” faces that the veterans had perfected, the message runs much deeper: Our very job description is to be entertainers.

 

LOGIC

 

Logic: It’s gone! You will routinely be around men that leave logic in their BMW convertible or Suite 242 at the Hyatt. Your own behavior and desires make less and less sense to even yourself.

When there are people to hustle, you’ll feel tired and want to hide in the back until the next stage set, and when it’s dead, you’ll whine about the lack of suckers to hustle.

You could drive yourself crazy (and broke) being confused by an obsessive need to deconstruct the mechanics of the club vs. the fact that the whole thing is an absurd illusion where evolution and de-evolution coexist in mathematical defiance.

It was becoming clear to me that beyond the money, the attention, and the cliché daddy issues that lurk beneath the surface of the collective stripper consciousness, I was becoming addicted to the WEIRDNESS. You learn new shit all the time, even if it’s as stupid as the fact that the old type of implants glow in the dark or the chirpy top-earner Barbie with the perfect husband, perfect kid, and perfect tits allegedly stabbed her perfect pet terrier because “she didn’t want it anymore.”

In this way, stripping is not unlike the Internet -- instant gratification amongst a deluge of information that you had no idea that you even wanted.

 

 

 

The 4 Types Of Male Texters Who Will Break Your Heart

 

 

 

Avoid them like the PLAGUE.

 

Texting has become a popular way to communicate among singles. People like it because it's a quick means of communicating details, and men usually prefer texting because it's easy to stay in touch without much effort.

Texting is also a fun way to banter without picking up the phone. That's the upside. The downside is when women mistake a man's frequent texting for real interest in them. Or, when he doesn't text back at all when he's shown signs that he likes you.

Sadly, many men are keen on how to be a heartbreaker and end up leading women on. But you don't have to be one of these women.

 

 

Here are 4 types of texters to watch out for and avoid like the plague. Because we guarantee you will run into them.

 

1. The Womanizing Texter

 

 

He's not ready to be exclusive, but seeks female attention. For this guy, texting is the perfect way to keep you — a woman — at arm's length. In this case, texting is his low commitment way to stay in touch.

In fact, a man can actually be texting several women on a regular basis. It helps him feel more desirable and like a hot commodity. Texting provides a great ego boost as the arrival tone alerts everyone in hearing distance of his popularity.

 

2. The Cheating Texter

 

 

He seems to be romantically interested in you, even though he's in a relationship. Many experts refer to such relationships as emotional cheating: when a man who has a wife or live-in girlfriend creates an emotionally close bond with another woman via texting.

This way, he isn't physically cheating, just flirting with other women. Obviously, you wouldn't want a man who knows your man engaging other women this way, because he clearly knows how to be a heartbreaker.

 

 

3. The Needy Texter

 

This guy might text you all day. He wants your attention and needs your help. He'll either appeal to your nurturing side or just text little things all day to stay in touch. At first it might be fun, but it can wear you down and become pretty darn annoying, especially when you'd prefer a face-to-face date. Eventually, you'll wait for the day when he doesn't text back.

 

4. The Controlling Texter​

 

 

He shows a lot of interest, wanting to know what you are up to and where you are going. Initially, you might feel flattered, but his demanding texts can get old, annoying and even worrisome. The controlling guy might have time to date you, but he uses texting to keep a tight rein on you.

 

For the man who texts frequently but makes no time to see you, you should take this as a sign that something is not right. Some men satisfy their need for emotional support via text without having to actually date you.

Since most women are kind and naturally want to help, you are happy to lend an ear and feel communicating this way means something. You may feel flattered by how much he stays in touch or think it demonstrates his interest in you.

Unfortunately, it usually means nothing. In effect, you are giving away your kindness, empathy and heart for little in exchange. And you feel frustrated, wondering, "Why doesn't he ask me out?"

 

Your time is valuable and your support is a privilege. Don't give your support away to a man who doesn't make time to see you, regardless of his reasons. Avoid getting wrapped up in these uncommitted relationships.

If you want to get the message across that you don't have time for all this texting, there's no need to be direct. Simply stop answering the texts. You can answer every third text or take a few hours before you respond. He'll catch on quickly if you don't play the game with him.

 

 

 

7 Mind Games He Plays & How to Deal

 

 

We all know the guy (or guys) who plays uncool, perplexing and completely ridiculous mind games that leave you wondering, “WTF?!” While it’s generally best to stay away from these mystifying men, sometimes it can be worth sticking it out with a confused cutie who may just need a little direction. But when should you stick around, and when should you run out the door? Here are seven mind games guys play and how to deal.

 

 

1. The “Ghost Texting” Game

 

What he does

 

You had a fantastic time on your date—and he did, too. At least, that’s what you thought until he suddenly dropped off the face of the planet. You haven’t heard back from him in a week. What’s going on?

What you should do

“You may never know for sure what's up with him,” says Marla Martenson, a matchmaker, author and motivational speaker. “It could be that he is seeing multiple girls, or he is just not that into you. But whatever it is, that's not your problem. Get out there and date like a guy.”

If he still hasn’t responded to your texts after a week, stop dwelling on that dude and move on. A guy who leaves you on the line just isn’t worth it. After all, you want a man who won’t disappear sporadically (and that’s really not too much to ask).

 

 

 

2. The “Roller Coaster” Game

 

What he does

 

On your dinner date, you were both laughing at each other’s jokes. And that sweet nighttime stroll you went on afterward? It was so romantic; he held your hand and gave you a kiss. But the next day, he seemed kind of weird and distant. What’s with the mood swings?

What you should do

“It sounds like he's probably unsure of his feelings, or the feelings he experienced the night before may be something so new to him that it may be making him feel a little scared,” says Suzanne Oshima, a matchmaker and dating coach at Single in Stilettos.

Whether he’s feeling shaky about his emotions or your awesomeness intimidates him, one thing is certain—you won’t know for sure until you talk to him (and not over text!). In person, gently ask him what’s up with his behavior: “Hey, Mark, you’ve been acting a little distant lately. Is there something going on?” He may open up and have an amazing heart-to-heart with you. But if he still gives you the cold shoulder, it’s best to see what else is out there.

 

 

3. The “We’ll Never Be Official” Game

 

What he does

 

You’ve been seeing this dude for three months, and every time you bring up the completely un-crazy notion of a relationship, he totally shuts down.

 

What you should do

 

“If every time you bring up the 'girlfriend' concept he shuts down, the worst thing you can do is to put more pressure on him,” Oshima says. “It's important to find out the reason why he's averse to the idea of a girlfriend.”

It’s likely that this guy is flat-out terrified of commitment or has been hurt in the past. Threatening him with an ultimatum isn’t a good idea; give him time to see how wonderful you are! However, Oshima also recommends keeping your options open—give him competition. That guy may never open up to the idea of a relationship, and you don’t want to end up heartbroken.

 

4. The “Secret Girlfriend” Game

 

What he does

 

He’s the sweetest guy ever when it’s just the two of you. But that’s the problem—it’s always just you two! You’re getting the sense that he’s hiding you from his friends. Why would he do that?

 

What you should do

 

“If you've been dating for a while, then that's a big, red flag when a guy never wants you to meet his friends or family,” Oshima says. “If you're an important part of [this] man's life, he will want you to meet his friends, so he can show you off to them."

Next time he mentions his posse, ask to meet them! Or tell him you want tag along to a party he’s going to. If he says okay, great! But if he finds a way to get around your requests, let him go. You’re fabulous, and your guy should want to show you off, not keep you a secret.

 

 

5. The “Spontaneous Jerk” Game

 

What he does

 

You think the world of him. He’s gentle and kind, and he treats you like the princess you are. But when you’re hanging out with him in a group setting, he suddenly enters douche mode and you’re left feeling confused and disgusted. Does his evil twin take over every time you guys hang out with friends? Which is the real him?

 

What you should do

 

“This guy is very insecure and feels the need to show off in front of his friends,” Oshima says. “He may be the type of person who feels like the bigger man by putting other people down in front of others.”

If your man feels the need to make awful jokes and mean comments in order to fit in with his friends, this is never okay! Talk to him about his behavior: “Tyler, I think you’re awesome. But when we hang out with other people, you don’t seem to be yourself. I wish everyone could see the sweet guy that I see.”

Give him time to fix his behavior after you’ve talked. If he does it again, Oshima says to “get up and walk out.” If he never comes around, cut ties with this guy. You want somebody who’s secure enough to be nice all the time.

 

 

6. The “Never Texts First” Game

 

What he does

 

He seems like a perfect fit for you: You both have a ton of fun hanging out together, and he seems totally interested. Except for one minor little detail that you can’t stop stressing about—he never texts you first.

 

What you should do

 

“Don't chase,” says Tyler Young, dating coach and owner of Attractology. “It's hard sometimes, especially when you like someone and feel a connection.  However, it is vital to allow the man to pursue you.  Men are wired to hunt.”

Young recommends not being available 24/7, so stop texting him first! If he starts initiating the convos, awesome—you’ll know he is interested. But if that dude doesn’t make any moves, then hey, there are plenty of other fish in the sea—fish who are entirely willing to say hi first.

 

 

7. The “Super Flirt” Game

 

What he does

 

He’s a great guy, and you two just click. You always have a ball together! Unless (and this is a big “unless”) there are other ladies around. Suddenly, he enters mega-flirt mode.

 

What you should do

 

Chatting it up with other women while you’re around him is totally rude, but there’s the possibility that he doesn’t even see it as flirting. Confront him about his behavior. Let him know that it’s not cool to flirt in front of you— and be sure to use the word “flirt” so that he knows how you view it. Get straight to the point: “I don’t like when you flirt with other girls in front of me. It hurts my feelings.” If he’s the good guy you thought he was, he’ll stop his offensive actions ASAP.

 

 

Collegiettes, the most important thing to remember is to never play his game, no matter what it consists of. “There's really only one way to deal with mind games from a guy: don’t play into them,” says online dating expert Gina Stewart. “You need to be brave.  Call him out on BS behavior. Don't just ignore it, even if you are strong enough to walk away.” 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What To Do (And NOT Do) When The Guy You Like Doesn't Text You Back

 

 

 

He disappears for days, then blows up your phone. What should you text back?!

 

You and this guy have been texting for a month. You are completely smitten, and find yourself daydreaming about him instead of working.

When his messages pop up on your phone, you get a huge smile on your face, dying to see what he has to say.

Maybe you've gone on a couple fun dates, but nothing too serious has been discussed between the two of you.

He’s very funny, and enjoys joking with you until your stomach aches from laughter, and you both also have a love for Mexican food on the weekends.

 

 

 

By Thursday, your spicy cravings are really starting to kick-in. Did someone say mango margaritas? So you text him to see what he's up to.

But this Friday he doesn’t make plans with you to hit up your favorite taco joint.

 

You wonder about what he's up to and why he isn’t making plans ... but you keep it chill and don’t say anything.

 

After all you have your own life! Right?!

 

Finally, he mentions something about hanging with his boys and he would try to meet up over the weekend, but doesn’t confirm any plans.

 

Monday morning rolls around and you still haven’t heard from him.

 

Then at ten in the morning, you receive a text message saying, ”Morning. How was your weekend?”

You want to respond, but at the same time you’re annoyed and completely flustered because he was MIA all weekend.

So you debate, do you bring up that he ignored you all weekend? Or do you play it cool like you don’t care?

This happens to our friends and clients ALL the time, so we've come up with a set of five CRUCIAL rules to help you play it cool, but also find out what's up. Here's how to text a guy when you need him to take you seriously. 

 

1. Make him wait a bit!

 

You probably want to respond to his message right away, but WAIT!

You haven’t heard from him all weekend, so he doesn’t deserve your immediate attention. Stop and think about what you want to really say versus what you should say.

Impulsive messaging tends to come out like fast food, as opposed to replying with a well marinated, savory thought that will keep him coming back for more.

It’s your job to set the tone of the relationship if you want to keep the connection sizzling. Establishing boundaries in the beginning stages creates a recipe for him to follow for future interactions.

 

Remember — you show others how you want and deserve to be treated by how you communicate.

 

When you haven’t heard from him all weekend, wait a good amount of time before you respond to his Monday morning text.

A sufficient time would be 1-3 hours, because you need to show him you have your own life too. Responding to him when you are free from your work duties or hobbies shows you aren’t available at his beckon call.

 

You’re not his ego-feeder.

 

 

2. Keep calm and cool. 

 

Don’t respond to a text message when you are angry, upset or completely distraught over his behavior.

Aggressive, fiery text messages often lead to a zero response rate.

 

They are overwhelming for men to read, and may lead to him grabbing the fire extinguisher. This is can damage the connection instantly, cutting off all communication.

 

You will want to make sure you are calm and cool like a mango margarita before responding.

It’s not that you can’t be yourself, but you don't want to explode without knowing how come he was MIA all weekend! It’s good to ask indirect questions and not assume his whereabouts, such as “Did you do anything fun this weekend?”.

If you find yourself wanting to unleash, establish a calming plan of action. Going to the gym, getting a massage or listening to good tunes are great options for releasing tension.

 

This is when self-care is your key ingredient to keeping the connection burning.

To be happy with dating, you first must be happy with yourself.

 

3. Own who you are.

 

 

Don’t begin with asking questions or making statements that come off needy or lack confidence.

 

Do NOT text: 

 

“Where were you?”
“How come you didn’t text me all weekend?”

“So, sad we missed our burrito night!”
“I miss your face!”
“Did you take another girl to our restaurant?”

This is the opposite of confidence. And I’m sure this the opposite response you were hoping for.

 

Instead, reply confidently to his Monday morning text message like, 

 

“Weekend was great! Yours?”

 

You want to respond to his message with the same length of message he sends you. Nothing too short or nothing too long.

Be concise and nice, and keep it at 10 words or less.

Sending a positive reply shows you have your own thing going on and are optimistic about life. Thus, showing his lack of communication didn't impact your weekend plans or mood.

 

You've got a life, girl!

 

Since you did not hear from him all weekend, you don’t need to give him all the details about your weekend, either.

He missed out by not messaging you, so you don’t owe him play by play unless he inquires more.

Leaving a little mystery makes him want you, as a man likes to be intrigued.

 

 

4. Don’t play his game.

 

You don’t want to ignore him till the next day.

Two wrongs don’t make a right. This creates an impasse in your connection, creating friction as opposed to drawing him in. Your goal is to reconnect on a positive note to great a good vibe between the two of you.

 

Save face, and respond with grace.

 

Sending one word replies, like “Okay,” tend to come off as being passive-aggressive, this doesn't give room for a positive interaction to flourish.

It shows you are actually mad or feeling rejected, even though you don’t want him to know.

Your choice of words impact the outcome of what comes next.

 

5. Skip making plans. 

 

If he's not asking to make plans, you will want to pull back.

 

A man needs to feel space in order for him to ask for new plans. If you put pressure on him, he may push back as he will feel like you’re closing in on his manhood.

 

It may be a week or two before he asks you for another burrito date. So keep calm and carry on.

When it comes to dating, it’s important to keep your options open until you have a commitmentfrom a man; don’t wait around until he asks for another date.

 

Being passionate and secure with your lifestyle gives you a place of confidence and charisma, which is what attracts a man to your feminine energy.

 

At the end of the day, don’t place your happiness in the hands of technology. Live fully for you!

 

 

12 Things Passive-Aggressive People ALWAYS Do — But Don't Realize

 

 

 

The results: Being left angry and alone.

 

How do you know if you're passive-aggressive?

 

Well, do people think you're difficult to be around? Do they not trust you or respect you they way you wish they would? Truth is, you may be exhibiting passive-aggressive behaviors that totally confuse people — and turn them off to you.

In order to make these unseemly behavioral traits abundantly clear to you, I'm offering you a very straightforward list of passive-aggressive examples. You may find this harsh, but I hope you find it helpful.

 

Generally, you're behaving in a passive-aggressive manner when you:

 

1. You don't speak your truth openly, kindly and honestly when asked for your opinion or when asked to do something for someone.

 

How this shows up in communication is being "assertively unassertive." You say "Yes" (assertive) when you really mean "No way" (unassertive). Then, you let your behavior say "No way" for you. People become confused and mistrusting of you.

 

2. You appear sweet, compliant and agreeable, but are really resentful, angry, petty and enviousunderneath. 

 

You're living with pairs of opposites within, and that's making those around you crazy.  

 

3. You're afraid of being alone and equally afraid of being dependent. 

 

This is the case of "I hate you. Don't leave me." You fear direct communication because you fear rejection. You then often push away the people you care about because you don't want to seem in need of support. All the while, you are afraid of being alone and want to control those around you so they won't leave you. Very confusing!

 

4. You complain frequently that you're treated unfairly.

 

Rather than taking responsibility for stepping up and speaking your truth, you set yourself up as the (innocent) victim. You say others are hard on you, unfair, unreasonable and excessively demanding.

 

5. You procrastinate frequently, especially on things you do for others. 

 

One way of controlling others is to make them wait. You have lots of excuses why you haven't been able to get things done. You even blame others for why that is so. It's amazingly unreasonable, but you do it even though it destroys relationship, damages careers, loses friendships and jobs. And you tell others how justified you are in being angry because, once again, others treated you unfairly.

 

6. You're unwilling to give a straight answer. 

 

Another way of controlling others is to send mixed messages, ones that leave the other person completely unclear about your thoughts, plans or intentions. Then, you make them feel wrong when you tell them that what they took from your communication was not what you meant. Silly them!

 

7. You sulk, withdraw and pout. 

 

You complain that others are unreasonable and lacking in empathy when they expect you to live up to your promises, obligations, or duties. Passive-aggressive women favor the silent treatment as an expression of their contempt. Passive-aggressive men prefer the deep sigh and shake of the head, while walking away. Both expressions say “You poor confused person. You’re not worth talking to,” when the real reason for their behavior is that they have not, can not or will not take responsibility for their own behavior.

 

8. You cover up your feeling of inadequacy with superiority, disdain or hostile passivity. 

 

Whether you set yourself up to be a self-sabotaging failure — "Why do you have such unrealistic expectations of me?" or a tyrant or goddess incapable of anything less than perfection, "To whom do you think you are speaking, peon?" you're shaking in your boots from fear of competition and being found out as less than perfect. (P.S. You likely picked this one up in childhood!)

 

9. You are often late and/or forgetful. 

 

One way of driving people away is to be thoughtless, inconsiderate and infuriating. And, then, to put the cherry on top, you suggest that it's unrealistic to expect you to arrive on time, or, in your words, "think of everything." Being chronically late is disrespectful of others. Supposedly forgetting to do what you've agreed to do is simply demonstrating your lack of trustworthiness. Who wants to be around that for long?

 

10. You drag your feet to frustrate others.

 

Again, a control move somewhat like procrastinating, but the difference is you begin and appear as though you are doing what you said you would do. But, you always have an excuse why you cannot continue or complete the task. You won't even say when it will be — or even might be — done.

 

11. You make up stories, excuses and lies.

 

You're the master of avoidance of the straight answer. You'll go to great lengths to tell a story, withhold information or even withhold love and affirmation in your primary relationships. It seems that if you let folks think you like them too much, that would be giving them power. You'd rather be in control by creating a story that seems plausible, gets them off your back, and makes reality look better from your viewpoint.

 

12. You constantly protect yourself so no one will know how afraid you are of being inadequate, imperfect, left, dependent or simply human.

 

Seriously take a while to ponder your own behavior, and if any of these traits describe you as you usually are, take notice. This may help you may finally understand why you are having difficulties with personal and work relationships. 

The good news is that people are not passive-aggressive by nature. And these behavior patterns can change with some insights, skills and relationship advice.

 

So, if you've realized a few uncomfortable things about yourself in the list above, what now? 

Get some relationship help!. We all come by our passive-aggressive "stuff" honestly. There's no blame here. If you read the list and saw yourself, you have two choices: recognize what's not working for you and change it, or continue to blow it off as other people's problems. Choose the first so you can feel more accepted, loved, wanted, appreciated and respected immediately. You cannot do it any younger!

 

 

Why Am I So Afraid of Being Alone?

 

 

 

Learning to be alone with oneself is surely an art. We are socially and culturally encouraged to be "with"... not alone. Having many friends, being social, connecting with community, and being part of the village are common promotions. Splendid advice, but what about that special, sacred, unfettered time you need to just be with you? Why is that such a scary landscape? In psychotherapy, therapists hear the words repeated, "I don't want to be alone, I am afraid."

 

"We are meant to be in relationships with other people, but, just as surely, we are meant to partake of aloneness. To deny this part of our existence is a little like trying to walk the earth on one foot instead of two." Florence Falk

So how can aloneness be a rare gift and a cushy benefit to you? It can be your time to reflect on you and embrace self-understanding, self-expression, and personal growth. 

In such a fast paced society we're on the go! There's never enough time to get things done and someone always needs something from you. How rare it is when you actually have that time for you. Some have the time, but run from it by numbing it with drugs or alcohol, watching television, reading fiction, watching movies, shopping till dropping, staying on phones, computers, ipads and the like.

 

But, what if you used your time creatively to find and fuel the real you? What are your interests, passions, talents, wishes, desires, dreams and feelings? What if you made those things very, very important and listened to the deep inner being of you? The amazing you that was created for your own unique and special path, wants to talk to you. There is much to harvest in our own resources contained within. If only we listen.

 

Adult children of narcissistic parents often struggle with aloneness caused by mistrust of others. If you grew up with parents who continually betrayed your trust, a part of your healing is learning to trust yourself so you can trust others again. A significant part of the recovery model is to learn to be alone to work grief and acceptance and to rely on your own internal parent who will always be there for you. Growing a strong sense of self requires that time alone. It does not have to be a fearful time. It may be short spurts or longer extensions depending on the seasons of your life. Sometimes it takes practice and structuring this special interlude to overcome the fear.

 

People often worry about what others will think. Pouring from our pitchers of self-doubt we ask worrisome questions. If I am alone for a while, will I be viewed as a loner? If I don't date, will people think I am weird or anti-social? If I take time out from my family to work on me, will I be viewed as selfish or uncaring? Is there some stigma about being alone that keeps you from doing it? Thinking about the messages you give yourself while you are alone is a worthwhile project. Are you calling yourself a loser or are you telling yourself this is a special gift of lovefor you? How we view it, is what makes us feel good or bad about ourselves.

 

Because we live in a social society many can relate to the stigma of aloneness. Introverts struggle with their need for time alone to accomplish inner reflection as they sort and integrate new information and experience. Artists, writers, creators, are those who need time by themselves to find inspiration. What if your passion is piano or something similar that requires time alone to practice, create, express? I know people who just want to sit with their animals or ride their horses in complete solitude. Some love to hike... alone. The journey back to self in these quiet times can be our best therapy.

There's heightened focus today on relationships: how to have healthy ones, how to date, celebrity break-ups and hookups, contentious divorces and parenting conflicts.

 

There's massive professional advice flowing on how to do it all better. Does relationship with self therefore get the short shrift? There is a flaw if intimate connection with self does not get the same richness or urgent attention. The inner portrait of each person and their own creative spark and aliveness is often found in solitude. It can then can be energetically focused outward in important and loving relationships. It may even clear your thoughts about what is healthy for you. "Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet confinement of your aloneness to learn that anything or anyone that does not bring you alive is too small for you." David Whyte

 

 

 

 

 

So the legs are dirty... you can't see it... it's too expensive to them you to see it... it's cheap for them to

use photoshop and to clean all the dirty heaven. 

Nobody is really  saying that feet are clean

...

 

 

 

C H A P T E R _ Z E R O - Dash (Part 3)

Yes, The Silent Treatment Is Emotional Abuse — And YOU Can Stop It

 

 

 

Does your partner shut you out completely when angry?

 

Research indicates that children would rather you yell at them than ignore them. When prisoners are punished, guards isolate them, because being isolated is one of the harshest punishments there is — other than physical abuse.

Likewise, the silent treatment is a form of punishment, a way of attempting to control your partner or others into doing what you want them to do. It's a withdrawal of approval, and can generate much fear in people who are vulnerable to this.

You're giving people the silent treatment when you shut down to them, closing your heart and refusing to interact with them or acknowledge their presence. You act as if they're invisible, not responding to them at all or giving them a very minimal and withheld response.

Your hope in treating them this way is that they will get the message that they have displeased you. They have done something wrong in your eyes and deserve punishment, deserve to have your "love" taken away.

Of course, what you are taking away is not loveat all, since love is unconditional. What you are taking away is your approval, and for approval-dependent people, it is a powerful form of control.

 

While it may seem to work for the moment, there are huge negative consequences following the silent treatment.

 

While your partner may scurry around in an attempt to please you and get you to reconnect with him or her, the fact that you have so deeply disconnected creates feelings of heartache in your partner that may eventually lead to the end of the relationship. What seems to work for the moment may lead to exactly what you don’t want in the long run.

What goes on inside you when your partner shuts down to you?

Do you tell yourself you must have done something wrong? Do you feel a sense of loneliness and heartache that feels unbearable? Do you feel alone and abandoned inside? Do you feel anxious and scared?

 

If you feel any of these, it is really because you are abandoning yourself and making your partner responsible for you. It is you doing this that is allowing the silent treatment to work to control you.

 

If you were taking loving care of yourself and taking 100 percent responsibility for your own feelings, here is what would be going on inside:

You would be telling yourself: "My partner is choosing to punish me rather than take responsibility for his or her feelings. Whatever I may or may not have done that he or she doesn't like, I am not responsible for how he or she is dealing with it, and I have no control over him or her".

You would be bringing love inside, letting yourself know that you are a good person and deserving of love.

You would get out of range of your partner's energy — take a walk, read a book, call a friend or something else to make yourself happy.

You would keep your own heart open and not harbor any anger or judgment toward your partner, so that when your partner decides to open again, there is no residue for you. You would not punish your partner for trying to punish you. You would just make sure that their punishment doesn't work for them.

You would embrace your loneliness and heartache with deep compassion for yourself, sitting with these feelings for a few minutes, and then releasing them to Spirit.

 

Eventually, when you are truly taking loving care of yourself, others will stop using the silent treatment since it will no longer work for them.

 

 

 

Note: UGHAAA

 

 

 

7 Easy-To-Fix Texting Mistakes WAY Too Many Women Make

 

 

 

Bonus: How to keep the conversation going (and get a date!).

 

Do you struggle with how to start conversations on dating apps or online dating?

 

This isn’t brain surgery, yet so many singles find it hard to create a fun exchange.

 

No matter what your age is,  texting can be a fun introduction to someone new — if you know how to do it.

One of my clients always started texting by asking about a man’s job, how his week was going, or where he grew up.

These uninspired openers didn’t do much to get the conversation going. These types of questions are not engaging, won’t get a man’s attention and often result in one-word answers.

If you want more men to respond, be attracted, and to inspire your conversation to go beyond a few texts to actually get a date, you need to spice up your game.

 

 

If you find your texts leave you with sporadic texting that trails off, no dates and terribly frustrated, you're probably making some serious texting mistakes. 

 

Here are some of the most common texting mistakes women make (and how to do better next time!):

1. You attempt to "qualify" a man via text.

 

The point of texting is to create a fun exchange that makes the man want to meet you.

That will NEVER happen if you try to vet him through your initial texts.

Don’t ask him where he went to school, what kind of job he has or where he lives. That’s not entertaining.

Stop investigating, and instead have a little fun. Be curious about him and find out how he spends his free time.

When you keep it light and fun, you’ll entice a man to want to know more about you, talk on the phone and then meet.

 

2. You text brief or one-word answers back to him or ask him questions that are too simple.

 

If you want to get a conversation going, you need to engage the other person.

Your short greetings or responses won’t cut it.

Take the question, “How’s your week going?” for example. What can he say but “good”? That kind of inquiry doesn’t lead anywhere.

It also helps to finish your response to him by asking another question.

Make it easy for the guy to keep chatting, because he might not know what to text either.

 

 

3. You lead with generic greetings.

 

 

Don’t start a texting chain with “What’s up?” You end up sounding unimaginative and just like everybody else.

Push yourself to come up with something different or interesting.

With online dating, you can ask a question from something in his profile.

 

On the apps, be sure to look at all the photos for each guy — there maybe one showing an activity or a funny face he made that you can ask about.

 

4. Your questions are totally uninspired. 

 

If you want to have fun exchanges, don’t talk about work. You can ask, but don’t start there or linger long.

Get to more fun topics like what’s his favorite food or pizza, or what is he watching on TV.

What does he like to read? What’s his favorite movie or the last movie he saw? What kind of music does he listen to? Ask about his hobbies or how he spends his free time.

These are texts that can start a conversation!

 

5. You don't let your sense of humor shine. 

 

 

Please lighten up and stop being so serious.

Even though everyone might not be funny, a good sense of humor goes a long way with texting. If you can be clever or quick-witted, use that to your advantage.

When you are entertaining, he’ll naturally want to know more about you.

 

6. You ask awkward questions that prompt awkward answers (or none at all).

 

Do not ask him about his weekend plans.

If he's got plans with other women, either he’ll be vague or things could become really awkward.

Neither of you is interested in hearing him explain what he’s doing on dates with other women.

 

7. You use the same opening line on every single man. 

 

There is no “one size fits all” texting solution.

Be creative, and whenever possible tailor your message to something specific about the man who caught your attention.

This is how you’ll stand out from other women he may be texting, or has been texting in the past. 

Here are some tips for good texting:

• Try a compliment. You can mention eyes, biceps or clothing to stay in the safe zone. A little flattery is fun and flirty.
   
• Comment or ask a question about a photo showing an activity. That’s a great way to get a conversation going, because you’ll be asking about something he enjoys.
   
• If he is a Baby Boomer, you can always fall back on classic choices. For example “Coke or Pepsi?” “Beatles or Rolling Stones?” “Deep dish or NY style pizza?” “Mountains or Ocean?”
   
• Teasing is an old high school flirting trick that works at any age. You can always respond with something like, “Aw, I bet you say that to all the women.” Or “Stop making me think about you, I’m busy.” Use emoticons when teasing like a wink so he knows you’re kidding.
   
• Keep it short for the best chance of getting a response.

 

 

Stop texting when the man makes no effort!

 

Last but not least, if you’re texting with a guy who responds with one-word answers and never asks any questions, recognize that’s a sign.

He’s letting you know he’s not into you or he’s lazy. Either way, why keep texting him?

Many of my clients want to know how to keep the texting going, but I don’t advise that.

The only reason you’re texting is because you hope to meet him and go on a date.

 

After a few exchanges, drop a guy who doesn’t make any effort.

 

After seven days, if he hasn't asked to meet, you can ask him. If he puts you off or makes excuses, block him and move on if you are serious about finding love.

 

Why waste time texting a man who isn’t hot to meet you? Getting to the face-to-face date is what you are after — and what you deserve!

 

 

If He Blocked You On Facebook, Block Him From Your Life

 

 

 

It's so hard to let go, but you have no other choice.

The following letter was sent in by a reader despairing over her recent breakup:

 

I want to know if it's time to move on and/or how to prevent myself from "stalking" someone on social media ...

About 2 months ago I had an argument with my boyfriend about him deleting me from some of his social media and always being negative toward me. I decided to tell him I think it's best we go our own ways for a while, and he just answered, "OK, if you say so." When I tried texting him the next day there was no reply.

 

Then I received a message a week later from a girl asking me questions about whether or not I was still in a relationship with him. It was so strange and made me feel really nervous. I asked why she wanted to know, and she said he'd been trying to talk to another girl she knows.

 

I called him right away and asked what was going on. He admitted he'd always wanted to talk to this new girl, and that the feelings he'd felt for me were dead. He got angry with me and wanted me to reply back to the girl, but I wouldn't do it. As soon he left he blocked me from everything, and I haven't talked to him since.

The next week he was seen driving a new girl around in his truck and my friends asked him about it, but he denied she was his girlfriend. 

 

He hasn't posted any pictures with a new girl, but do you think they are talking?

I haven't seen anything and he has me blocked from everything and won't communicate with me. Do you think he's really moved on and they're just keeping their relationship private?

 

The sad thing about me is that I know all the mistakes he made in the way he treated me, but I can't forget him. What hurt me the most is that he promised to never leave me no matter what, and that he would love me no matter what, and then for him to just leave and talk to someone new ...

— V

 

Dear V,

 

When your ex promised to never leave you and to love you no matter what, he may have meant it in that moment. But people and relationshipschange. Those words were said when he was a different person, under different circumstances.     

After a breakup, it’s understandable for you to be consumed by what’s going on with him and this new girl. But none of that matters, because focusing on things that are out of your control takes your attention away from what really matters ...     

 

A guy who really cares about you doesn’t treat you poorly.  

 

He isn’t negative towards you, won’t let you go so easily, doesn’t go after another girl so soon, and doesn’t tell you his feelings for you are dead.

 

As Maya Angelou said, “When people show you who they are, believe them.”  

 

His words, actions, and behaviors are showing you he has moved on.   

So yes, it’s time for you to move on — but not only because he’s moved on. You should move on so you don’t continue to devalue yourself, and in the process, lose your self-worth. You’ll want to cut all ties to him, especially on social media, so you’re not tempted to look at what he’s doing. You should know you deserve to be with a high-quality guy — one who treats you well, thinks highly of you, and is respectful towards you.    

 

Before getting back out there and finding someone else again, take some time for yourself. Don’t make the mistake like so many do to spite their ex by getting into a rebound relationship or having casual sex to feel better about themselves. Nothing great comes from a rebound, and that feel good moment only lasts for a short time before the emptiness sets in.  

Instead, prepare yourself for amazing love by letting go of the negative energy from this breakup and resolving baggage from past relationships.  

 

To know what your baggage is, look at unhealthy habits and patterns that repeat themselves in your interactions with guys and in your relationships. For instance, if guys you’ve been with tend to treat you poorly, what is it that you’re doing or how are you being that attracts them to you? Based on the answers, do the inner work to change that.     

  

Also, take good care of yourself by doing things that soothe your soul. Spend time with people who care for you. Be in places that uplift you. Try new activities and things you’ve been wanting to do.

 

Find your happiness within. In doing so, you’ll be cultivating conditions that will inspire better men to show up.  

If you find yourself thinking about your ex and feeling sad, it’s okay. It’s understandable to feel the way you do since there were good moments you shared. If you’re wishing you could be back together, chances are you’re basing that on only the good times you had. In those instances, gently nudge your attention back to the present and you’ll notice that things are actually okay. The more time you spend in the present moment, the more your sad feelings will dissipate.

 

If you start thinking, “If only I had done more ____________ or been more ______________," be kind to yourself.  

 

You would never purposely choose to do things in a worse way. You’ve been doing the best you can, based on where you’re at, what you’re meant to learn, and the growth you’re meant to experience. What he did isn’t a reflection of who you are. It’s a reflection of who he is and the path he’s meant to take.

 

It’s true that time heals and helps you see the reality of your situation. By letting go, you give yourself the space for clarity, which helps you see things for what they are — not what you want them to be.  

 

Have the courage and strength to move on.  

 

This breakup is happening for your greater good. When you stay open to the lessons that come from this breakup, you learn and grow into your best self. This breakup has revealed the love you had is no longer meant to be.

 

The best thing you can do to honor what you once had is to let go with grace instead of trying to hold onto something that's no longer meant to be.

And in doing so, a space will open up for the love that's meant to be to come your way.  

— Janet

 

 

The Silent Treatment NEVER Works. 6 BETTER Ways To Communicate

 

 

 

Your silence says more than you realize. And everything it says is hurtful.

Does your partner just stop talking to you when you have a dispute, or when you do something he or she isn't happy about. How is that working out for your relationship?

 

When your partner gives you "the silent treatment" to show disapproval, they're broadcasting so much more about themselves. Why?

• She wants to demonstrate power in the relationship (It doesn't!)
• He thinks you'll give in without him having to do or say anything (Not likely!)
• She's willing to punish both of you by withholding love and/or intimacy (Ouch!)
• He lacks the skills to communicate, and won't risk trying (Buck up!)
• She remembers a previous argument that didn't go so well (So what?)
• He's afraid he'll lose the argument if he opens his mouth (Get better skills!)

And you have a part in all that, too. Apparently, you two didn't learn to communicate well yet, especially when things don't go well. Always look at your part first when troubles arise; don't resort to blaming as your default.

A man in my anger management class asked me, "How long does ‘the silent treatment' usually last?"

Interesting question, as I just taught how the cold shoulder is one step toward escalating anger and violence, and he really sat up and took notice.

 

I asked him, "So how long does your wife go without speaking to you?"

"Six weeks."

"Oh, that's the more than the cold shoulder AND the silent treatment. That's being frozen out completely."

He needed to know that this was probably because she did not know how to speak about difficult things. She may feel afraid to bring things up because it previously didn't go well with him. Or, she learned to bottle things up when she was still at home with her family, and now doesn't trust that things with him will turn out any differently.

I suggested that she probably wanted to talk with him, but needed to feel very safe doing it. She probably longs for real partnership, and feels very cheated that she can't safely share her feelings with him. That would be a good thing to talk about very soon.

Was that their issue? Did he want to listen? Was he able to really listen? Or, was he afraid of hearing that he was failing in some areas and that possibility scares him?

 

It's common for folks to get scared, and then get very defensive. That often even escalates into anger.

It's very touchy. People can react in out-of-proportion ways when they feel that someone is attacking their self-worth, but it's likely that's not what's going on at all.

 

One couple I worked with finally admitted—not easily—that no matter how gently the husband tried to bring up things they really needed to talk about, the wife shut him down and made him wrong. She could not tolerate the idea that there was anything wrong with her, her approach, or her style.

It scared her to her core to think she was still thought of as not good enough. She lived with that her whole life. So, when her husband wanted to resolve things, she took it as a personal blow and reacted with verbal violence. She shut down so she didn't have to risk.

Her husband decided to suffer in silence. Finally, he could not. It wasn't until it was clear she was losing him that she was willing to work towards real communication. That took work, but we made it.

 

6 Things To Do Rather Than Clam Up

 

1. Calm down before speaking about the issue.
2. Ask for time to talk about what you are feeling, without interruption or debate.
3. Be willing to listen to your partner, without judgment or defensiveness.
4. Take responsibility for your feelings and refrain from blaming your partner for them.
5. Ask for what you want from your partner.
6. Be willing to hear "yes" or "no." There are no "have to's" in relationships.

That sounds peaceful, right? It sounds grown-up, and that's exactly right.

Real grown-ups have conversations that solve problems; kids fight and take their toys and go home. The silent treatment is the adult version.

 

Grown-ups talk things through, learn about each other, and make mutual, positive decisions about their relationship. That takes skills. The good news is that those skills are learnable.

 

 

 

 

4 Reasons Smart Women Date More Than One Guy At A Time

 

 

Never put all your eggs in one basket.

 

Why do women feel they should date only one man at a time? Instead, they should try their hand at dating multiple people at once.

I was never very good at playing the field. When a man showed a genuine interest in me, I would stop dating other men for one big reason: I lacked the confidence to juggle several men at once because I doubted my self-worth.

 

 

I was never comfortable playing the field by dating two guys at a time — I felt sneaky and unethical. I didn’t know how to deal with two men texting and calling me and how to handle their sexual advances. I was afraid if a guy found out that I was dating someone else, he would drop me.

 

 

When I was smitten with a new man (fantasizing that he liked me as much as I liked him), I immediately declined date invitations from other men. That rarely worked out for me; he would sense my relationship agenda and he would stop calling me.

If I casually (accidently) slept with a man, I felt morally obligated to cut myself off from other guys. I threw all my eggs into his basket and we dated until he disappeared into the night.

 

Putting all your focus on dating one man limits your opportunities to meet your ideal life’s partner.

 

Dating one man at a time is a mistake on several levels. You invest your time, energy and emotions in a man and then weeks or months later you decide he’s the wrong man. You become intimately involved with a so-so man, you put another notch on your bedpost and he dumps you. OUCH! You forfeit opportunities to date a variety of men, one who could have been your perfect match.

As long as you are respectful to the feelings of the men you date (you’re not a “player” or a “sleepover”) and you are truly looking for the qualities in a man that will lead to a meaningful, committed relationship, not only is it okay to date several guys at one, it’s the path to finding true love.

 

Here are 4 vital reasons all smart women should date multiple men at once:

 

1. It allows you to compare and contrast the attributes and compatibility in numerous men.

 

Some women instinctively know the traits and qualities they truly value in a life partner. Others learn through trial and error and heartbreak. Evaluating men with your intellect, and not your emotions, can fast track you to the right man.

 

 

2. It boosts your self-confidence and improves your dating skills.

 

Having the amorous attention from two (or more) men has a way of making a woman feel desired and empowered, increasing your confidence and self-assurance. Dating is like interviewing for a job; with each interview (date) you hone your communication skills, you become more at ease with the interview (dating) process, and you learn to more accurately assess the potential of a job position (man). 

 

3. It helps you to reserve emotional and intimate involvement with the wrong man.

 

If you fall in love quickly and then romanticize and obsess about the outcome of a possible relationship, you need a reality check. Keeping a diary while dating two men can help you curb your infatuation and sentimental longings. Record both men’s desirable traits, as well as their objectionable behavior and then heed the facts.

A guy may be handsome, successful and intriguing, but he lacks the qualities necessary to maintain a long-term relationship.

 

4. It sends a man the subliminal message: he'll have to work to win your heart.

 

 

Men are not stupid; they can sense when you are dating another man. The fact that you are dating someone else tells him that you are worth pursuing. If he really likes you, his competitive nature will kick in and he will want to have you all to himself. However, if you flaunt that you are dating other men, you play hard to get, or he is casually dating you, he may decide it takes too much effort to pursue you.

 

Now, send yourself an note: A man is NOT your boyfriend until he tells you that you're the woman of his dreams, he wants you to meet his mom, he's closing his online dating account and he wants you to do the same, and he asks you if you prefer yellow gold or white gold jewelry.

 

 

25 Things You MUST Know Before Dating (As Told By A Wise Mom)

 

 

 

Mother knows best ... even if you don't listen the first time.

 

As mother's it's our job to protect our dear daughter as long as possible, from scraped knees to broken hearts. But, every now and then we can spare you the pain (or try damn hard to) with a warning or a bit of motherly advice.

Most things you'll have to discover for yourself (especially concerning men), but it's our hope that if we arm you with the knowledge then you'll only have to endure each love lesson once before seeing that mom really does know best and you really do deserve the best — thus, decreasing your odds of heartbreak in the long run, as it's usually not 100 percent avoidable. 

So, in honor of mothers and mother figures around the world, here are 25 golden nuggets of motherly advice about your love/dating life:

 

 

1. Never Learn To Clean A Fish ... Or Else ...

 

Never learn to clean a fish or you'll be doing it for the rest of your life. Slow down your walk, because if he doesn't open the door for you the first time, he probably never will

 

2. Don't Put All Your Eggs In One Basket

Or all your dates in one basket, until you're talking about the honeymoon in Jamaica.

 

3. Pretty Is As Pretty Does

If you're feeling like the wicked witch on the inside, your date will see it on the outside ... no matter how beautiful you are. 

 

 

4. You Can Be Anything You Desire ...

... unless, of course, you want to be inauthentic. Inauthentic is the worst thing you can be when you're single (or a human).

 

5. Learn Something New ... Everyday

Read an article about the way men think here. It will do you worlds of good. 

 

6. You Don't Have To Have The Last Word

Or the last text. If he doesn't ask you a direct question, you don't need a response to a response. Please ladies, leave a little mystery.

 

7. You Can Be Pretty And Smart

Kudos to this one. You can be pretty, but don't let the smarts with your date become a competition.

 

8. Never Write Down Anything You Don't Want Someone To Read

I actually encourage this kind of writing, but if you really don't want anyone else to read it, keep it hidden, or get out the Zippo.

 

9. Turn Off the Lights

Light a candle. Not only will you save on your electricity bill, but the shadows will do you both wonders.

 

10. A Bit of Booze Will Make You Feel Better

A bit of booze might take the edge off, but a lot of booze will make the toilet your new best friend.

 

 

11. Find Humor in Everything

If you trip on your way into the coffee shop, bring attention to it and have a good laugh about it.

 

12. When You're In A Relationship Keep Your Friends

You don't want a man to become your whole world, just a nice, tasty piece of it.

 

13. Never Go Out in Dirty Underwear.

Need I say more? Just don't.

 

14. Be yourself

This is the most important piece of advice when you are single and dating. If you can't be yourself, then who can you be?

 

15. Don't Believe Everything You Hear

If he tells you he's slept with every other woman on the first date, don't believe him.

 

16. Small Minds Talk About Small Things

"OMG! Can you believe that Sally slept with Jamel after the first date?" Stay away from this kind of topic.

 

17. Follow Your Heart

If you trust your heart instead of your brain you will be more emotionally available and vulnerable. This is a great path to follow. The path of love is much more fun than the path of ego.

 

18. Make the Best of It

A smelly or boring date is another chance for you to get clear on what you don't want.

 

19. It's Better To Be Alone Than To Wish You Were Alone

There's no need to settle for a guy who is a great kisser but is lazy and wants you to be his mommy.

 

20. Keep It Simple

This means hair, make-up, and your brain. Don't over-analyze every little detail of your date. 

 

21. It's Easier To Catch A Bear With Honey Rather Than Vinegar

You don't need to be too sweet — like Stevia. As sweet as honey will do just fine.

 

 

22. Babies Will Be Babies, Just Take It One Minute At A Time

Or boys will be boys. Whatever your current situation looks like: just stay in the present moment.

 

23. If It's Not Important, Don't Say It

When you talk less, it means so much more when you do say something.

 

 

24. Don't Be So Dramatic

Keep the why-didn't-you-call-me-back-sooner-it's-been-27-whole-minutes on your television and out of your life.

 

25.Never Lose Your Self-Respect

If he texts you at 3 a.m. to "hang out," that is a set up for you to earn the booty-call title.

 

 

 

7 Things Nobody Tells You About Playing The Field (But You NEED To Know)

 

 

 

You don't have to choose just one guy.

Some women meet lots of men online and have a chance to play the field.

This makes looking for love exciting, as you get to pick and choose from a variety of guys to find the right one.

Yet, this can come with its own set of problems if you don’t know how to handle the social opportunity online dating can bring.

My dating coaching client, Ellie, had a parade of men who responded to her online profile. Some weeks she’d have coffee or a drink with as many as five new guys.

She managed to fit all these meetings into her calendar, but you can imagine how the amount of attention was overwhelming at times.

Ellie was doing something right because she also had a lot of second and third date requests.

But juggling her suitors became a concern.

So she called me for my expert advice on how to deal with the flood of romantic options.

I’m a huge fan of playing the field when you begin dating. There are seven vital reasons why this is a sound strategy for finding love.

Here are 7 rules to follow — and the one BIG mistake to avoid — when playing the field:

 

1. Meet more guys than you think you need to. 

 

 

There’s no second date guarantee in dating. Regardless of how much fun you both had the first time you meet, you never know who will ask for a second date.

Women are constantly surprised and devastated by this frustrating fact. Rather than waiting around for a man to call and ask, it’s best to see all the prospects who appeal and fit your criteria (as much as you can tell before the first meeting).

That’s why it’s good to "hedge your bets” — because you need to meet lots of men to find a good match.

 

2. Be willing to learn something from every single date. 

 

When you date multiple men, there are serious benefits.

• You learn how to start conversations and keep them going.
• You boost your confidence as you gain experience.
• You learn how to interact with men the way that works best for you and them.
• You figure out how to leave a date early when things aren’t working.

Think of how much more savvy you’d be if you had 20 dates in a short period vs. spreading them out over months.

That’s what I discovered when I was dating after 40. Sometimes I juggled three or four guys because they appealed to me and asked me out.

Most were one date wonders so it never became a problem. (Except for the time I was dating three guys named John ... but that’s a story for another time.)

 

3. Flirt, flirt, and flirt some more.

 

 

In business, when you’re on a roll landing new clients, it tends to attract even more clients.

The same thing can be said for dating multiple men.

One client of mine who used this strategy successfully created her desired deal flow by being friendly and flirty at airline clubs and charity events.

She had an absolute blast meeting amazing men before she chose the one she wanted to get serious with.

 

4. Avoid settling too soon.

 

Some clients insist they’ll only date one person at a time, see how things go and move on if things don’t work out.

This sounds logical, but here’s the rub — you can easily get prematurely attached to the wrong guy, because you don’t know about your options.

The last thing you want to do is shut down the flow of interested men.

That’s like telling the Universe, “I don’t need these choices”.

I advise not limiting your options so fast. If a man you find interesting wants to meet, even though you’ve had two dates with another — say yes and go!

 

5. Remain objective.

 

When you date only one guy, he’ll be your focal point, because there aren’t others to soak up all that attention.

Dating more than one guy at a time keeps you from fixating and allows you to remain objective.

The point of dating is to get to know people, so you can choose your best match based on something more objective than just the fact that you've grown attached to him.

Playing the field does just that.

 

6. Follow the "3-Date Rule".

 

I recommend my clients go on three dates with any man who is in the “ball park” of what they want.

If you go on a first date with a guy and you’re not sure about him — that’s a good reason to see him again.

Sometimes a man can be nervous and not at his best on the first couple of dates, then shines on date three when given the chance.

That was true with my husband. Date one was fun, unlike date two which was a dud.

I could have easily kicked him to the curb but decided to give him another shot. Date three was magical!

I found out months later he wasn’t feeling well, felt too shy to say anything and didn’t want to cancel. I would have missed out if I didn’t follow the 3-Date Rule.

It takes time to get to know people and discover who could be a good match. Give men a chance by going on a few dates with each one before you start cutting them loose.

 

7. Prioritize your dates.

 

I helped my client Ellie create a plan to handle her bounty of men by creating create a plan to handle her bounty of men by prioritizing dates that were most likely to lead to a lasting relationship, which was her goal.

The first priority went to second and third dates, so she could continue getting to know men she’d already met.

That helped her weed out guys who weren’t a good match. Naturally, some disappeared as well.

 

Just remember, if you’re too hard to schedule, he might move on.

 

You need to be available with time in your calendar for dates. If you put a man off for a week or two, he’s likely to move on.

A man’s interest in you has a shelf life like food from the grocery store.

 

There are plenty of other women, so if you’re difficult to schedule, he has other interesting women to choose from.

If Ellie had too many second and third dates in a week, she held off meeting additional new men.

Once space opened up, then she’d say yes to first dates again.

 

Prioritizing simplified dating for Ellie and she’s still happily meeting men before narrowing her options and choosing the right man for her.

Now that you are aware of all the benefits to playing the field I hope you’ll give it a try.

C H A P T E R _ Z E R O - Dash (Part 4)

 10 Ways To Know For Sure You're In Love With A Good Man

 

 

What makes men so great?

 

By Krista Hammerbacher Haapala

 

What are the qualities of a good man? Is it someone who brings you flowers for no reason, kisses you goodbye in the morning, or makes you breakfast in bed? Strong relationships are much more than doing nice things for each other, and when you have a good man in your life, you can tell the difference.

If your boyfriend or husband has these qualities, you've snagged yourself a good guy.

 

1. He owns his power.

 

 

A quality man stands strong in his choices. He balances his time with a clear connection to his priorities. He chooses to be exceptionally committed in each of his roles whether partner, father, professional, or others. He accepts responsibility for his actions and never blames or shirks his duties.

 

 

2. He uses direct, honest communication.

 

 

A respectful man will trust you with the truth. You know where you stand. He doesn’t lie or manipulate the facts. He is confident in his ability to communicate emotion in a productive way. He seeks solutions to issues without any passive-aggressiveness or power struggle. He maintains a demeanor of patience and compassion knowing that is the strongest stance.  

 

 

3. He makes you feel secure in his presence.

 

 

A man who views you as an equal wants you to feel safe. He goes out of his way to see that your needs are met. He never intimidates or bullies, and would never resort to name-calling or talking about you with anyone else. Those behaviors are foreign to him. He respects your needs and does not judge. He wants you to feel his love.

 

 

4. He is chivalrous out of caring, not obligation.

 

A secure man wants to pamper you out of love, not because people think he should. He trusts your ability to take care of yourself, but is fulfilled when he can do things to take care of you. He gives gifts and attention mindfully, not just when it is called for or when it suits him. He is uninterested in how things look to others, but focuses on how your relationship feels to you.  

 

 

5. He accepts, but does not expect, your caregiving.

 

A solid man is deeply grateful for everything you do for him. He expects nothing, but accepts your caregiving for the act of love that it is. He views you as a partner, not a housemate or a mother or his personal assistant. He asks for what he needs trusting you will ask the same of him. He is quite able to take care of himself, yet gracefully welcomes the support you choose to provide. 

 

 

6. He works hard and plays hard.

 

 

A mindful man knows his boundaries and maintains his wellness. He gives his best to work and family and knows when to play. He treats his body in a balanced way. Resentment has no place in his life because he makes the space for what he knows he needs for holistic health. He exudes positive energy and values fun.  

 

 

7. He overestimates your abilities.

 

 

A confident man is not threatened by your abilities nor does he diminish your strengths. In fact, he sees your capability through an optimistic lens. Never comparing or judging, he upholds the vision of your potential even when you are discouraged or depleted. He delights in and celebrates your success.  

 

8. He asks permission.

 

A considerate man does not tell, he asks. Respectful of your opinion, he assesses your thoughts and takes your emotions seriously. He is decisive, but not unilaterally. He attempts to maintain focus on your common goals and vision. His permission-seeking honors the equality of agency in your relationship.  

 

9. He listens.

 

An attentive man leaves plenty of space for you to share. He genuinely enjoys actively listening to your perspective and thoughtfully responds. He is constantly curious and passionate about learning how you are evolving. While he looks forward to contributing to your conversations, he takes his time to hear you out. His listening is easeful and caring out of love, not duty.  

 

10. He loves boldly.

 

A loving man embraces vulnerability. He touches generously to feed your spirit. He makes eye contact. He shares his emotions regularly in word and deed. With peace and stability, he gives you his heart over and over. He is steadfast in his love and trusts in your love’s return.  

 

 

 

 

Building Trust in Your Relationship the Right Way

 

 

 

“Without communication, there is no relationship; without respect, there is no love; without trust, there is no reason to continue!” – Anonymous Trust. Why do they call it the key to your partner’s heart and soul? Why is it that when someone cheats, lies or hides something, the only thing that’s damaged between the two is trust? Above all, why is it the rock-solid foundation of love and relation between two people? Trust is a vault that saves all the good things we have in our relationship. It is the faith that you have in your partner that they will remain loyal to you. And without it, there is no true relationship but a shaky wood bridge that can break anytime. But why isn’t it always there? Why do we have to build it from scratch? Trust cannot be demanded and it cannot be bought. You need to build it gradually and slowly. That’s the only way you can create a lasting relationship.

 

How do you work on trust in a relationship?

 

Nobel Laureate Ernest Hemingway once said, “The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.” How long it can take to trust someone is a question that doesn’t really have a definite answer. Why? Because we are all so different. We all have unique perspectives on life and relationship. Particularly in an age when people are living longer and experiencing changes over their lifespan, building trust has become all too different and dynamic. How long it takes to build trust depends upon how honest you are in a relationship and how effective you are in channeling your feelings into someone’s heart. It will also depend on how reliable and committed you are as well as how quick you are in admitting and rectifying your mistakes.

 

Trust is not gifted

 

Buying an expensive gift won’t earn you someone’s trust. Trust is not gifted; it is earned. The best way to earn it is when your actions are in harmony with your words. When you make a commitment, whether big or small, have the intention and authority of following through. Trust can be established quicker if you are impeccable with your words in all that you do. You cannot see into another person. You can only offer who you are authentically and the other person will be able to relate to you through what he believes. If you are in a volatile relationship, then pay extra attention to your relationship dynamics. Your perspective might be different from your partner when you are trying to build a relationship. In those murky times, consistency is the key to build a lasting trust. Remember, sometimes one letdown can be enough to reverse all your efforts. Like other things in a relationship, there are no rules to follow before someone trusts you. Earning trust is a long, slow process of good decisions and actions every day. There are no shortcuts. If anyone is looking for a quick fix, then they are not living in the real world.

 

Can we rebuild trust?

 

They say that trust is the easiest thing in the world to lose and the hardest thing in the world to get back. Living in a world where technology has taken over our lives, building trust can be tricky. Our experiences are changing drastically and we are becoming more vulnerable. The glam of social media and dating apps may sometimes lure anyone to infidelity. But the day you are caught, your whole trust comes crashing down.

 

 

 

Rebuilding a trust after a breach could be a daunting task. But if you are willing to rectify your mistake and if the person means a lot to you then you have to work hard to build the trust back. Take note that the process takes time and it won’t happen in an instant. You have to rebuild and repair it. Establish the root cause and do some introspection to find out why the infidelity happened. Communicate this to your partner and try your best to ease the paranoia in your relationship. It’s a long healing process but if you care about the person, going through the process won’t be that hard.

 

 

 

How to consolidate trust in a relationship?

 

 

Those of you who are in a relationship can find inspirations in couples who have been together for a long time. Following are some tips that can help you.

 

• Focus on how you can take care of one another rather than keeping score of what the other is not doing in a relationship.
• Embrace the differences in your relationship. Acknowledging and appreciating will build respect and confidence.
• Reciprocate. Even if it takes you some time to trust the other person, reciprocate with trust and love.
• Learn to work through the issues and don’t hold a grudge.
• Stay intimate physically, mentally, and emotionally with your partner.

 

In Conclusion

 

There isn’t one right way to build trust in a relationship. Sometimes, you may have to recalibrate your relationship. Remember this: Successful couples aren’t ones who have no issue in their relationships; they are actually not oblivious to those issues. They recognize the differences, embrace them, and commit to working things through.

 

Note: And after all people got confused and what I know... it's still not enough... I have plenty of more material to go over... now the state in which I am... it's okay... but I need more field... work...

...

 

 

When to Say Fuck It and STAY in Relationship

 

 

 

 

In Mark Manson’s article entitled “Fuck Yes or Fuck No,” he asks the crucial question about being in relationship. If a person really just isn’t that into you, then why waste your time? This critical advice has hopefully saved a lot of heartache for those who have held on to relationship hope past the expiration date.

 

Recently, however, a different slice of the same pie was delivered to a friend. Beth had been casually dating Greg when he had a complete meltdown – something about her roommate. Riddled with anxiety, he completely broke down, and the two had a brief conversation about what was going on. My husband talked to her the next day, and the two agreed that the relationship seemed like more trouble than it was worth. After all, it was early days yet. Wasn’t this supposed to be the easy times? Beth decided that it was too much for her and broke it off. She decided she wasn’t so into Greg that she wanted to invest any time in the relationship. She was a definite Fuck No.

 

My opinion about the matter differed. I saw total value in staying in the relationship long enough to talk about what had happened, using this as a practice run. Let me explain. Beth and Greg had little invested in the relationship as it was so new. Because of this, I felt it could be helpful for Beth to gain some relationship experience (she was very inexperienced) by having a more difficult conversation with Greg.

 

She could have listened to his fears and revealed some of her own. She could have told him about her turn-off. She could have had a potentially crunchy conversation in a very low-stakes relationship.

This would mean practicing her communication and transparency skills, so when she was in a high-stakes relationship, she’d have more skills. It means that if it didn’t go well and the relationship ended, then she wouldn’t be crushed. Hopefully she’d reflect, learn, and move on. And if it did go well, then she might see if the relationship was truly workable, and perhaps it might evolve into a high-stakes relationship.

 

 

First things first, what is the difference between a low-stakes relationship and a high-stakes relationship? A low-stakes relationship – unlike a casual relationship – still has a level of commitment. It might mean seeing the person every two weeks, once a month, or once a year. It means you value the relationship: it’s not disposable or expendable or fast food. You nourish it even if you think it might only last a short time.

A high-stakes relationship has a higher level of commitment. Think: life partner, long term, family relationships. These ones have weight, (sometimes baggage), and are deep on our hearts. These are the ones that often need the most work. This is where low-stakes healthy relationships can help. (Note: It’s always worthwhile checking in about whether or not you’re in a healthy or toxic relationship. Toxic relationships clearly aren’t worth your time or energy!)

 

In staying in such a low stakes relationship, it’s not about whether the relationship is right or wrong for you, it’s whether both of you can actually learn something from being in the relationship. Now, if there’s not enough connection from the get-go, then by all mean, don’t stay in.

 

If, as Mark Manson says, the person just isn’t that into you, then leave. But if you seem to share values and enjoy one another’s company, then why let one upset upheave the whole thing? What can you learn by staying in? Lots, I’d say, but only if you really want to do the work.

 

You might ask yourself, Do I have a lot of healthy relationship experience? Have I learned how to communicate in relationship? Do I know what it’s like to be transparent about my needs? Have I learned how to apologize when my words and actions have had a negative impact (seen or unforeseen)? How can this current low-stakes relationship teach both of us these skills?

 

And if your answer is Yes, I can learn more… Yes, I want to be able to weather the storms of an intimate relationship – maybe not with this person for long-term, but for right now – then do it. Step into the storm. See what you can learn about connecting with this person. See how you can stretch and grow. See what it means to be messy, human, and compassionate. See what happens when you say Fuck it. It’s not why stay, it’s why not stay.

 

 

5 Ways To Make A Good Impression In Less Than 30 Seconds 

 

 

 

You must have heard a lot of people say, “the first impression is the last impression’. Frankly, that can be quite true. The first few moments you spend with a person is crucial since it will determine the direction of your conversation and even your relationship.

Whether you are set for an interview or dealing with an important client, you need to make a good impression for the first thirty seconds you have. The impression you create should be a fine blend of your personality, body language, and communication skills.

When you are able to mix up all these three elements in the right proportion and present them before other people, you’ll be able to give your presence more impact.

On average, a person can hold another’s attention for the first 8-10 seconds after engaging conversation. After, that person’s attention starts to get diverted to other things in his surroundings. If you want to impress others with your personality, try to capture their attention within that time frame.

 

Here are five ways to help you make a good impression in less than thirty seconds.

 

Use open body language

 

Before you try to talk freely to a person, you need to open up your body. Your body language and movements are essential when making a good impression.

Prior to the conversation, you should take a deep breath, boost up your confidence and square your shoulders. It will make you appear stronger.

 

A relaxed and confident person is able to communicate freely with others. If you are too tense, you will not be able to achieve the desired impact.

 

Make eye contact

 

 

People like talking to other fellow people, not inanimate objects. Making eye contact is essential in establishing the initial connection you need to have an influence on the other’s perception.

 

You may find it awkward to keep looking into the eyes of the other person, but it gives your presence more impact. It enables you to communicate non-verbally, which is one of the best ways to establish a connection.

People who avoid making eye contact are often the people who don’t have enough confidence. Therefore, if you want to make a strong first appearance, make visual contact.

 

Share things that you may have in common

 

When talking to a person for the first time, trying to make a connection can be difficult. One good way to start is to find things you both share.

If you are introduced by a friend or someone you know to another person, you can start off the conversation by talking about that person who introduced you. You can also talk about common interests such as business or profession.

 

Smile

A friendly smile can win the hearts of others when you talk to them. It makes the discussion friendlier, infusing the willingness to go ahead with the discussion.

 

Keep a friendly and genuine smile on your face when you talk. It will give you the impression of someone who is easy to approach and amicable. It delivers a sense of warmth to the people you are talking to.

Introverts are often associated with people who find it difficult to smile. These people are not as outgoing as others and may find it hard to create a positive impression.  Whatever the topic of discussion, make sure you start off in a light-hearted manner.

 

Allow others to speak

 

When you have thirty seconds, it’s easy to feel pressured about speaking the entire time. After all,  need to create an impression, right?

Well, that’s not always the case. It’s still best if you can provide the other person an equal opportunity to talk. Communication is not a single-way process so you and your partner should have an equal chance of sharing and listening.

Although you need to start the conversation, make sure to just speak for a while and allow the other person to speak after. When he’s talking, listen and respond with appropriate body languages so you can make a good impression.

You should blink, nod and smile at the right moments. These actions can make the other person feel that you are acknowledging what he is saying. This helps you develop a relationship based on mutual respect.

 

 

Along with these, you can also ask questions. This is a sign of your interest and engagement. Even if you do not agree with what the other person is saying, you need to respond strategically. 

Hopefully, these tips will be beneficial to you the next time you need to make a quick good impression.

 

 

How To Keep A Conversation Going With 8 Different Topics

 

 

 

Have you ever found it difficult to find a topic to talk about when you meet someone new at a social gathering? Do you find it burdensome to keep the conversation going?

If your answer to these questions is a strong “yes”, then it’s probably high time you reconsider your communication skills. If you don’t know how to keep a conversation going, it can hurt your confidence and discourage you from initiating interaction with other people.

To get you on the right track, here are some of the things you can say to keep a conversation going.

 

1. Their Reason For Coming To The Venue

 

This is one of the easiest topics that can keep a conversation going. Almost everyone has a reason for going to the places that they do. It can be for entertainment, shopping or some other purpose that isn’t immediately apparent.

It’s also an open-ended question which means you’ll get more than the usual “Yes” or “No” answer. You can use the other person’s response to push your conversation further.

 

 

 2. Current Events/News

 

Don’t pick anything negative or controversial to start off with as it can either kill a conversation or create a wrong impression on your part. Start with something a lot of people can relate to, such as a local parade, a recent theater showing or a movie that just came out recently. You can easily tie some of these events to hobbies someone may be interested in.

 

3. Something You Notice At The Venue

 

Have you ever been to a venue where something about the place just stands out? It can be the actual place, ambiance or some of the venue’s decorations.

 

Using these things as topics can help you connect with people with the same interests and opinions. For example, if you point out how the decorations don’t match the atmosphere, you might hear people say that they noticed them too and how odd they are.

Once people are able to feel that you connect with them in terms of interests, they can be more confident and comfortable to share their thoughts and ideas.

 

 

4. Something That Just Happened

 

If you’re unsure about how to start a conversation, you can take advantage of the things that happen out of the blue. It can be about spilled drinks, broken glasses or anything that can catch another person’s interest.

One key thing to remember when it comes to using this topic as a conversation starter is to avoid dwelling on unfortunate events. Although it can help you connect with other people, talking about someone tripping in the hallway can leave you looking like the bad guy.

 

5. Food or Drink Recommendations

 

 

If it’s your first time to a place, it’s a good idea to ask people around about what food or drink they like ordering from the venue. Aside from giving you a good idea about the place, you can also take it as an opportunity to connect with new people.

You might even be surprised to hear lots of food and drink recommendations from these people.

 

6. Participating In An Activity

 

If the gathering you are at has some activities, you can try participating. Most activities in gatherings and events are usually held as an icebreaker for the guests.

They can be as simple as playing a short game, acting, or singing. The idea isn’t to push yourself to your physical or mental limits, but to get involved and get the atmosphere going. You can almost always talk about the activities with the people involved afterwards.

 

7. Showing Off Your Hobby

 

For some people, showing is better than telling. Talking about the activities you enjoy is nice, but if you can show people your hobby, you’ll be able to keep the conversation more alive.

It doesn’t have to be a flashy performance. It can be as simple as showing some of your artwork, manuscripts or pictures of dishes you’ve recently cooked.

People can easily get bored if you keep on narrating the things you’re good at. Although showing off is nice, you should still keep it to a minimum. You wouldn’t want to look like your bragging your skills.

 

8. Using Humor To Start A Conversation

 

 

Humor is a good way to engage people. When people laugh, it means that they are listening to you and they’re having a good time.

You don’t have to be too creative or a comedian to crack a little joke. In fact,  you can simply start off by sharing a funny story or making a witty inquiry that’s relevant to the current topic. You don’t necessarily have to make people continuously laugh. However, once you’re able to start with a humorous tone, it’s relatively easy to switch topics.

 

Conclusion

 

Keeping a conversation going is as hard as starting one. No matter how much effort you put into it, it’s still inevitable for some people to lose interest in what you’re talking about.

Despite this, it’s important that you keep it real as possible. People can easily know if you’re faking interest or forcing yourself into the conversation. Instead of building a connection, you’d be pushing people away from you.

Don’t Say “You Don’t Know What To Talk About” anymore. The next time you’re talking to someone, try one of these topics. Aside from giving you more ideas to talk about, they can also help boost your confidence.

 

 

How to Keep a Conversation Going

 

 

 

It happens to the best of us: we’re talking to someone we’ve just met, and the conversation is stalling. We don’t know where to take it, how to keep it going and the silence is making us feel awkward. Although in the grand scheme of things, these moments are meaningless, they can be quite a burden for you when they happen.

I think the biggest problem here is not that awkward feeling though, but the fact that not knowing good ways to keep a conversation going can make you lose the opportunity to get to know an otherwise great person.

It is common for conversations with new people to have bumps at the beginning. Get them over those bumps successfully, and you could find yourself building a beautiful relationship.

 

Here are the best 5 ways I know to do this:

 

Find what to say in your favorite topics

 

We all have things we are passionate about: activities, hobbies, projects, goals, ideas or jobs. Take some time to make a short but relevant list with the things you are most passionate about, and would make easy conversational topics for you. Read that list a couple of times and get to know it well. Then, when you find yourself in a stalling conversation, think about the list and find a way to maneuver the conversation to one of the topics on it.

 

Ask open ended questions

 

One way to keep a conversation going is to get the other person talking. And the best way to do this is by addressing her open ended questions. These are questions which require more than simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answers, and offer the possibility of much richer answers. Question like ‘What do you think of this event?’ instead of ‘Do you like this event?’ These kinds of questions encourage people to talk and they can be a life saver in stalling conversations.

 

Blurt

 

Often, we find it hard to keep a conversation going not because we can’t think of anything to say, but because we fear the other person won’t enjoy that particular subject, fact or opinion we have in mind. However, most of time, this fear is not anchored in reality. This is where blurting comes in. Blurting is a conversational technique which means saying whatever you’re thinking about in that moment, instead of censoring yourself. Give it a try, and you’ll discover that people are not that harsh and they can enjoy a lot of things in a conversation.

 

Let the other person end the silence

 

Most people are uncomfortable with silences in a conversation. When one occurs, they immediately try to fill it by finding something to say. You can use this to keep a conversation going. When for example, you’ve just met a person at a party, you’re talking and the conversation is stalling, do not leave that person and go find the peanuts or something like that. Instead, hang in there and let the silence work for you. Most of the time, the other person will eventually pick up the conversation and end the silence.

 

Practice, practice, practice

 

I know many people which had huge problems with keeping conversations going and now, they can do this even with the most shy or uncooperative person. How did they manage to get to this point? They’ve practiced. They consciously pushed themselves out of their comfort zones, to meet new people, to socialize and to apply techniques like the other 4 mentioned above. Do the same, and you’ll see the same kind of results with your conversational skills.

 

Finally, remember that you don’t have to keep a conversation going no matter what. If you see the person you’re talking to is simply refusing to participate in the conversation and be sociable, you can end the conversation politely and go talk to someone else. However, I believe you have the responsibility to at least try and make a conversation work. And if you do this well, you will be significantly more able to make great friends and influence people.

 

 

• How To Have Cyber Sex

(I was going to talking about cyber sex... but... let's face it... you don't want to have sex with monitor or with a computer... do ya?

...

So let's go for real results.)

 

 

6 Signs You Don't Realize You're Actually In The Right Relationship

 

 

 

Sometimes it's not a matter of finding the right relationship, but realizing when you have it.

The story we're sold about love usually doesn't go past the exposition. The part people write about and talk about and make films about is the seeking, finding, losing and finding again.

We talk about heartbreak and loss, and how we grapple with ourselves and our partners, but we don't talk about the mundane, the ordinary, the everyday lives we ultimately settle back into once the firework show has ended. 

 

Because we're conditioned to think that the chase and the thrill and the acquisition of love is love itself, we're hooked on ideas more than we are open to connection. We can more easily identify what doesn't work about a relationship before we can take solace in what does.

 

 

We aren't willing to do the work. Work isn't romantic. Work isn't fun. The story about love that we're sold is one in which it makes everything happy and light and easy. Even if we think we're wise enough to see beyond it, most people subconsciously succumb in one way or another. Maybe it isn't about being able to determine whether or not someone is the "right fit" for us, but being able to determine how far we're willing to push ourselves to really see.

 

Oftentimes, the relationships we're inaren't wrong, they're just not what we imagined they'd be. At some point or another, most people need a gentle wake-up call — a little reminder that love is what we foster, not what we find. Here are all the signs that maybe you're already in the right relationship. It's just a matter of seeing it through. 

 

1. You feel at peace. 

 

In any other situation, this would put you at ease. But lately, it's left you questioning whether or not that romantic spark still exists. The truth is that the kind of love that lasts, the kind on which you build a respectful, intimate, real relationship, makes you feel at peace. It's more comfort than it is panic and thrill. There's a difference between settling into comfort and settling for less than a love that makes you feel like your best, most grounded self. 

 

2. You know how to resolve your old relationship patterns.

 

When you arrive at the point that you're able to recognize a pattern emerging, you're also at the point where you're ready to let it go. Often in the best relationships, these issues stand front-and-center. It's never a matter of whether or not you experience them, but whether or not you resolve them.  

 

 

 

3. You realize that nobody is responsible for your happiness but you. 

 

When most people give up on love, it's because they've reached the point at which the other person doesn't make them happy. The harsh reality is that nobody else can make you happy — not consistently, anyway. Regardless, that's never something you should rely on.

Unhappy periods will come and go, but your bond has to be stronger. The key to that is fueling your own gas tank; as anyone in a long-term relationship can tell you, it's unrealistic attachment and expectation that sinks the ship faster than anything else. 

 

4. You have an unprecedented level of acceptance for one another. 

 

This is often an overlooked quality for a relationship, but it's an important one. The right relationship is the one in which you have a mutual acceptance and respect for one another. In other words, you're not trying to change each other. You don't tease each other for the little things. You see who the person is in their entirety, not just the parts you'd prefer. 

 

 

5. You want the same things in the long-term.

There are so many crucial practicalities when it comes to choosing a life partner who's suited for you, though none of them seem very romantic on the surface. One of the most important is whether or not you want the same things in the big picture: kids or dogs or both? Suburbs or city? If any one person has to compromise a fundamental part of the life they want to live for the sake of the relationship, it likely won't work out. 

 

6. You both want to make it work. 

 

All relationships have issues. Making it through them is usually only a matter of whether or not both parties have a deep, innate desire to do so. There's a lot of work, compromise and sacrifice that goes into fostering a healthy, loving bond, and if you aren't willing to give it all you have, you probably won't make it through the trials that you will inevitably face. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

C H A P T E R _ Z E R O - Dash (Part 5)

Red Flags: When To Start Giving Up On Relationships

 

 

 

Falling in love with someone can be a wonderful experience. As you learn about one another, you begin to see new ways of learning and experiencing life. There is little that disrupts the flow of a newly budding relationship and it is easy to become swept away by the attraction.

However, once you have settled into your role as a partner, the attraction and adoration may no longer enough. You will face the challenge of working out problems. Unfortunately, some couples never recover from the hardships of learning how to compromise and growing together.

So, how do you know when it’s time to start giving up on relationships?

 

There isn’t enough quality time

 

You or your partner is seeking pleasure and satisfaction outside of the relationship.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with a couple having different interests. In fact, two people in a healthy relationship should have experiences that they enjoy independently as well as together.  The struggle comes when one or both of the partners begin to seek enjoyment outside of the relationship at all times.

While this may seem like an insignificant problem, the lack of quality time spent together can compromise the health of the relationship in the long run.

Be sure to balance the time you spend doing what you love and the time you spend with your partner. If you find yourself relieved when you are not around your partner, it may be time to reconsider the future of the relationship.

 

The relationship is experiencing unfaithfulness

 

 

Unfaithfulness is like a wound that is unable to properly heal. There may be forgiveness and closure, but the harm the action caused will never fully disappear. All that may be left is a scar and there will always be evidence of the hurt.

Infidelity is commonly referred to as “cheating” and typically includes any sexual relationship outside of two exclusive partners. Cheating or infidelity, however, can also present as emotional or visual. If you find yourself looking at others for visual pleasure or you experience an emotional connection with another person that should only exist within your relationship, you may need to take the time to reflect on your relationship.

 

You become uncomfortable as a couple in social settings

If one or both of you are visibly uncomfortable when you are in public together, something is probably wrong.

This does not necessarily mean the end of the relationship. It may simply mean that there is a problem that needs to be addressed.

But, if one of you is intentionally avoiding the other when you’re with friends and family, the problem may have deeper roots. It may be the right time to talk it out with your partner and reevaluate things.

 

There are red flags of abuse

 

If you are harming your partner intentionally, either by words or by actions, then the health of your relationship is already diminishing. If your partner is doing things with the intent to harm you, it is time to walk away. No loving or healthy relationship comes with the intention to harm.

There may be times when a person does something that hurts the one he loves the most, but if this hurt has progressed to intentional, hurtful behavior, it is better to just walk away. Talk to local resources offering help for dating or domestic abuse. The trained individuals in these institutions may be able to provide you with a clearer answer about the abuse you are experiencing.

You and your partner are traveling in very different directions

 

 

Lastly, no matter how much time has passed since you decided to become an exclusive couple, life can still lead you to two separate directions. Differences in passions, desires and hopes for the future often spell the end of a relationship.

Healthy couples either work through these differences or mutually decide to end their partnership. Other couples have difficulty with this process and the ending of the relationship can be quite ugly. But, regardless of how messy it may look, it is important to know who you are and what you want. Your joy in life, no matter what you are doing, is what you pass on to the people around you and to your children.

 

Is staying with this person going to uplift you and encourage you to continue seeking joy? Or is staying with this person going to bring you down and discourage you from going after what you desire out of life?

 

Remember, it is never too late to walk away. Some of the best and healthiest relationships involve people who never give up and continue to grow with one another. If only one person is choosing to grow, change and move forward, is the relationship going in the right direction?

 

 

Note: YOu are socially fucked up... if you don't know how to move your next chess pieces... there are ways..... and people should know it...

...

 

Closing CONVO

 

 

 

Leave The Past Behind: 6 Ways To Learn The Art Of Un-Loving

 

 

 

Learning how to fall out of love isn’t easy.

You simply can’t stop thinking about them. They don’t return your texts, never call back, and don’t want to see you anymore- yet you keep on loving them.

 

People stick to bad relationships for many reasons and the most powerful one is being ‘in love’. While the feeling is positive, it can bring a lot of negative effects, especially if the feeling isn’t mutual anymore.

Relationships can become difficult and sacrifices may be necessary. This, however, doesn’t mean that you have to give up respect in your relationship. If this is exactly your case, it’s probably the right time to start learning how to fall out of love.

Here are 6 ways to help you learn the art of un-loving.

 

1. Give yourself time

 

Falling out of love takes more time than falling in love. That’s why you can count on time to help you deal with your problem. It’s true that time does heal. It can influence that part of your brain that keeps on loving the person.

By giving yourself time, it doesn’t mean that you’ll just wait for all your emotions to go away. While you are healing, find out a new hobby you can try. Exercise and hang out with your friends or just do activities that make you feel good. You’ll feel calmer and more relaxed.

 

2. Stop replaying memories

 

When you’re thinking about the good times you’ve spent with the person you’re trying to un-love, you’re only hurting yourself. You need to get out of your head and stop replaying these memories.

You can’t expect yourself to detach from your past relationship if the memories are still alive in your brain. If you keep on doing that, you’ll also start to imagine the good times you could have together in the future. And that’s not a way to move on.

 

3. Remove all reminders from eyesight

 

 

 

If you have anything that belongs to your ex-partner, it’s best if you can let it go. If you don’t, you’ll inevitably get stuck in the harmful memory loop.

Ask the person to pick up his things or just throw away any pictures or photos you have of him.

Sometimes, it’s also a good idea to delete all chats and messages. The content of your previous conversations might haunt you, or worse, give you hope that he might actually love you back someday.

 

 

4. Avoid repeating your ideas about love

 

There are some things about love you’re probably wishing to be true. In reality, however, these thoughts are just your own projections and expectations.

If you keep on thinking about your past relationship and partner and how things can still work out, you’re just placing yourself in a very difficult situation. You’ll become the creator of your own misery.

As much as possible, try to control and get rid of those self-defeating thoughts. Thinking of them can only give you false hopes.

 

5. Don’t find excuses to see them

 

Being in love with someone means that you’re probably hopeful they might return your feelings. That’s why you might think that it’s a good idea to see them and make them change their mind.

The truth is that you can only change your own mind. You have no control over the feelings of other people.

If you find yourself thinking about your ex, you should avoid the places where you know they hang out. You’ll never move on if you keep replaying “What if?” scenarios in your head.

 

6. Forget about ‘The One’

 

 

 

Finally, you should simply get rid of the myth that there is only one person who is perfect for you. The truth is that there are a lot of people you can still meet if you just go out of your circle.

Relationships can be tough, especially if your feelings get the best of you. Despite this, you need to keep in mind that learning to love also involves learning how to let go.

While you’re losing precious time chasing after someone who isn’t a good match for you, you’re probably missing out on an opportunity for a better relationship and partner.

 

 

 

Note: And humans are so vulnerable...

 

 

What To Do After A Break Up: A Handbook For Every Newly Single Guy

 

 

 

Although men are perceived as strong individuals, a breakup can still wreck you from the inside. It can turn your world upside down.

And if you are finding it hard to deal with one, read on as I have been through the same set of whirling emotions over the past few months.

Last year, in December, I had a fallout with my girlfriend. A three-year relationship went down, almost abruptly. The reason was quite simple.

The long-distance ‘thing’ was feeling like a stretch to her as she needed someone close by, both emotionally and physically. Although I used to come down to her part of the country once every three months, it still wasn’t enough for her.

 

 

 

I don’t blame her and I don’t judge her for leaving me suddenly. In a way, breaking up was way better than her cheating on me with somebody else. I had a steady job so couldn’t relocate. She lost interest and could no longer stay. It was that simple.

I am not exaggerating, but losing her felt like losing a family member. While three years might not sound like a lot, these were my formative years. The break up came with a myriad of lessons and they pushed me to think all over again.

I missed being answerable to someone. For months, there was a void which I couldn’t fill. I still remember that I slept hungry for a few days, hardly changed my clothes and even started growing a lot of facial hair. I lost interest. I lacked the zeal. I missed her unimaginably.

It has been more than three months and things do look different now. It would be wrong to mention that I don’t miss her anymore. I still do. However, I have made peace with her absence and, undoubtedly, it has made me a stronger person. The last few months were brutal and unkind but I was able to pull myself together again.

In my quest for emotional redemption, I came across a few life hacks which would be useful to a newly single guy. Here’s what to do after a break up:

 

Invest in Friendships

 

There are times when we neglect friendships when we are in an intense, romantic relationship. Regardless of your commitment level, only a friend can help you get over a breakup. Making new friends is also a great trait as it helps give some positive vibes after a draining break up.

A buddy can allow you to vent out your feelings and thoughts without being judgmental. He can listen for as long as you talk. He can give you the time and attention you need while you’re healing.

Keep in mind, however, that you also need to hear the other individual out. You need to invest time, emotions and feelings into a friendship to show that you also value the other person.

Make New Memories

Although she was located in a different state for her work, we hailed from the same hometown. While she had it easy in terms of existing memories, moving around the city was almost brutal for me. There wasn’t a place where we didn’t kiss, click photographs or had a lunch date at.

Therefore, after the breakup, it was literally impossible for me to step out of the house. I am sure many have had this gut-wrenching experience but changing cities or compromising on social life isn’t the answer. It took me a month before I could go out with someone to places that relate to my past relationship.

 

Take Time

 

 

Here is the most important bit that needs to be addressed. Even the strongest of men have a mushy heart that is entitled to moments of despair. It is completely normal to cry your heart out, watch movies, keep hearing sad songs on a loop, scream or stay in bed for days.

You should never try to bury the emotions while keeping a straight face. Trust me: these emotions keep on accumulating with time and they usually burst out at a really inconvenient time.

For me, it took two months to get over the agony of that heartbreaking fall-out.

Accept grief with open arms. You just lost a very significant person who was a lover, confidant, and friend to you. Lament over it for as long as it takes.

 

Indulge in a Hobby

 

Looking for a new hobby can help you fill up your spare time. Look for something constructive and allow yourself to enjoy and grow.

I love writing and started off with a blog. I joined a gym and started training rigorously for a bodybuilding competition.

As much as smoking and drinking may lure you, never fall into the trap. These things can numb the ache temporarily but they wouldn’t be beneficial in the long run. There are a lot of things you can do than to indulge in negative and destructive habits.

 

Give Yourself Occasional Pep Talks

 

There were times when I failed at work but my girlfriend would always be by my side to motivate and encourage me. Things have changed now since she’s no longer here to celebrate, push and motivate me.

A break up doesn’t have to mean you can’t celebrate and feel encouraged anymore. Be there for yourself. Give yourself the same encouragement and support you were getting from another person.

In essence, start believing and loving yourself. It might sound or look embarrassing at times but the pep talk you have with yourself has no alternative.

 

Believe in Personal Touches

 

I was a pretty detached guy, especially in terms of physical interactions. Barring my ex-girlfriend, I hardly ever hugged someone. However, since the breakup, I have turned into a pretty different individual— craving physical touches every now and then.

It is normal to ask for a hug and there is nothing strange about that. Research suggests that humans long for physical touches and prolonged periods of physical seclusion can lower down their confidence and affect their mood negatively. Therefore, if you feel the need to hug someone, get it done.

 

Sadly, a break up doesn’t come with a rulebook. However, it is important to lead a good life. It is important to be social and talk to individuals. If your heart is in the right place— finding love again won’t be hard.

One tip, though. Never try to cover one wound by welcoming another. It doesn’t matter if you are in or not in love with someone else. The idea here is to love yourself unconditionally. The breakup made me fall in love with my whole being and it’s something you should work on, too.

 

 

 

C H A P T E R _ Z E R O - Dash (Part 6)

So here is the problem... we create false alarm in our brains... we create wrong mindsets and we believe in lies.

 

 

...

People said that:

 

- It's not moral to talk in the bus

- It's not moral to shout in the crowd

- It's not awesome to be № 1 in the group

- the list goes on and on ... so does and life

 

...

We always:

 

- Excuse ourselfs of not doing stuff... we always promise that we are going to do plenty of stuff after few minutes

but the time passes and what it reveals it's that The Dark Knight is not ready for this night.

 

- We promise for later and later is never.

 

- We always have a reason of not doing it.

 

 

 

Excuses:

 

- When I Was young this guy ruined my life

- I can't do it... because I need to go

- I can't do it... because I am tired

- I can't do it... because it's not moral

- I can't do it... because it sounds insane

- I can't do it... because it's not my style

- I can't do it... because it's not a good idea

- I can't do it... because there are too much people

- I can't do it... because people hate me

 

....

Always there is a set of beliefs which are lies and believes which are set from others... and what in the end happens is that we look like this guy

 

 

 

Note: The whole thing is stiff... last words of this guy will be probably what he wanted to do.. but he never did it... I bet in that... so wake up... and stop being an asshole.

C H A P T E R _ Z E R O - Dash (Part 6.1)

 If are honest... this whole level

C H A P T E R    _    Z E R O - Dash, Read and so on and so on... is the ground floor of what you need to know before you act on it...

 

...

So first people always:

 

 

1) The first discussion didn't went all... so the next few are going to go the same way

2) We see ourselfs as less value person

3) We set beliefs which are wrong

4) We put it for later (Remember set of "Later" is more likely a set of 'Never"
5) We don't live the life which we want

6) We always... do things which will make others to accept us...

 

...

What we need to do... is to be ourselfs... live our lifes and keep improvement...

 

...

Not SMOKING
NOT DRINKING
NOT COFFEE
AND OTHER BULLSHIT

 

 

which fucks with our lifes

C H A P T E R _ Z E R O - Dash (Part 7)

 Note: Just let it go...

That's the whole secret

 

 

 

5 Universal Truths to Tell Yourself After a Horrific Break-up

 

 

 

 

 

 

Break-ups can be rough. In fact, some scientific studies suggest they cause actual pain to the human body.

A 2014 experiment suggested that thinking of our exes triggers activity in the same area of our brain that registers physical pain. Other symptoms reportedly include disturbed sleep and irrational heartbeats.

It may take ages to get over, but a broken heart is still far from a chronic condition. Here are five universal truths to help remind us there’s life after a failed relationship.

 

1.”This too shall pass.”

 

When you’re in love, it’s almost as if time stands still. Your head spins in a haze of delirium. It’s impossible to imagine a future without this fantastic feeling.

Yet, in reality, the world keeps spinning. The sun continues to rise and set. Emotions evolve. Relationships change. Each beautiful moment eventually passes.

Now you’re in a state of heartbreak, and it’s easy to forget that these painful moments too shall pass.

All emotions eventually fade. Time really does heal all wounds. Look back at the last lover you lost and how silly that sadness all seems now.

Even during your darkest days, happiness remains on the horizon.

 

2. “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”

 

Bodybuilding is essentially about putting your muscles through so much strain that they break down. As they regenerate, they grow back strong enough to handle the pain next time. Well, the heart is a muscle too – and it does exactly the same.

To become strong enough for an unbreakable relationship, you need to have been through some emotional trauma. You need to have had your heart broken. Each time it happens, you have the opportunity to dust yourself down, learn where you went wrong and become a better man. Make sure you do so.

This process is essential to becoming the man who can withstand the stresses of raising a family. How else are you meant to be able to maintain a healthy marriage while up all hours changing nappies? How can you become the father that supports his spouse and children in sickness and health?

You might feel weak at the knees now, but this break-up will ultimately make you stronger.

 

3. “It’s not over til’ the fat lady sings.”

 

The final whistle might have blown on your relationship, but there’s plenty of time left in your love-life. All the best adventures have an unexpected plot twist before the good guy gets the girl. And those who do take a break-up as an opportunity to become a better man tend to end up with a better girlfriend anyway.

Accept that your ex wasn’t meant to be the girl you get at the end credits.

 

4. “We don’t value what comes easy.”

 

Break-ups are the roughest reminder that true love doesn’t come easy.

The dating world can be fun, but it’s full of disappointment. Men are expected to make the first move and this can be difficult to deal with, especially if you’re too shy to even say ‘hi’ to a girl you like. Then you have to navigate the text-message tennis, take them on dates, meet the parents etc.

It’s a treacherous road to true love, but the truth is we should be grateful the path is so tough.

The fact that love is so hard to find is why it gives us the butterflies. We should be thankful that we found something that can make us so upset in the first place. It’s these highs and lows in life that makes feel us alive.

Anything worth doing is a little difficult. Finding love shouldn’t be as easy as finding a snack in the fridge. It’s a thrill ride not a pecan pie…and you’ve just found out the rollercoaster isn’t over.

You might have to get hurt ten times before you find the one perfect partner that transforms your life forever, but once you find them, it won’t be the one person that makes it feel so special. That person is just the final piece of the puzzle. Without those previous pieces, you wouldn’t know the puzzle was complete, so enjoy the challenge.

 

5. “All good things come to an end.”

 

Even the most eye-catching flowers eventually wilt and die, but that doesn’t make them any less beautiful in the time they were alive.

Sadly, most relationships end on a sour note too, but again this doesn’t make the happy times any less special.

Every Oscar-winning film has an ending. So does every Shakespeare play, 80s power ballad and best-selling book. Celebrate what you created, then accept that it came to an end as well.

Now, you can look forward to the next chapter of your romance tale.

 

 

 

5 Ways To Keep a Conversation From Coming To a Dead-end Standstill

 

 

 

You’re nodding along as the other person talks to you about something. She might be an acquaintance you bumped into, or someone you’ve met for the first time. And as the other person finishes talking, she waits for you to say something. Then, it happens.

The deadly, awkward silence.

 

It reminds us that we’re not very comfortable with the other person we’re chatting to (at least not yet), and can sometimes leave us with a dreadful feeling that we’re not as socially smooth as we ought to be.

All is not lost, though.

 

There’s this woman I know. Whenever she laughs, it seems to light up the room. Everyone flocks around and listens to her whenever she has something to say.

 

With such superpowers, it seems someone like that would be intimidating to speak with one-on-one. It’s actually the opposite: she makes you feel like you’re the only person in the world, and the two of you are best friends.

Now, it might seem like this is something that someone is just naturally good at. But I believe that with some practice, we can all get better at conversations.

 

Why It’s Important To Keep Conversations Going

 

If you sometimes feel uncomfortable speaking with strangers or
acquaintances, it can feel easier to just say, “Gotta go!” and scurry off. But there are a number of reasons why keeping a conversation going can benefit you.

• Learn something new. Speaking with someone we’re unfamiliar with can bring fresh insights. When people share their stories and experiences, it can make us think about our own lives and actions. By keeping the conversation going, you can dig deeper and create a more insightful discussion.

• You might make a friend. Every friendship needs to start off somewhere. Think about your closest friends. They probably didn’t start off being close friends with you, but over time, you both made an effort to get to know each other better and create a sense of comfort around one another.

• Bring new opportunities into your life. It’s true: the more we put ourselves out there, the more the universe throws back at us. In order to get more experiences and opportunities though, this means taking ourselves out of our comfort zone. You never know what someone can bring into your life: advice, opportunities or new connections. At the very least, keeping the conversation going makes for good practice.

 

Here are 5 ways you can keep a conversation going the next time you feel like running away:1. Pluck up details and expand on them

One of the best ways you can make a conversation transition seamlessly from one topic to another is to subtly shift the conversation so that the topic is still relevant, but fresh.

 

For example, if the two of you are talking about your living arrangements and the other person complains about their cat leaving fur on the carpet, you can then move towards talking about cats and pets in general. This can include talking about your own pets, or asking the other person on what it’s like for them to have a pet at home.

Even if the other individual speaks endlessly on one topic but just briefly mentions something else, you can use this to shift to a different topic. Doing so brings about more conversation in an unsurprising manner because the other person mentioned it first.

 

2. Ask about them

 

To each person, they are the center of their own universe. Every day, they focus on their hopes, dreams and fears. If you can tap into these and get the other person expressing how they feel towards you, it’ll not only keep the conversation going, but allow them to feel a deep sense of connection with you.

Shortly after graduating from university, someone I met asked me asked me what my plans were for the future. When I replied where I was working, he didn’t just stop there. He proceeded to ask about what I hoped to do someday and empathized by sharing his own experiences. It felt like he was genuinely interested in knowing more, yet understanding at the same time.

Asking something personal doesn’t have to invade on someone’s privacy. Leave the question open-ended so the person can respond with as much information as they like. For example, “What are you hoping to do after you finish your degree?” is better than, “Are you going to work in a law firm afterwards?” The first question leaves it up to the other person to decide how to respond, while the second one isn’t much of a conversation starter (and could be seen as judgmental if said in the wrong tone).

 

3. Make observations about your surroundings

 

You might have just introduced yourselves to one another with a series of quick pleasantries; now the conversation is coming to a lull. What should you do now?

Why, make an observation about something nearby of course! One time, a stranger said “hello” to me, at which point I introduced myself as well. Looking around, I noticed that it was pouring rain outside and made a comment about the poor weather. We then used this as a jumping point to talk about what we did earlier in the day because it was raining.

You can make a comment about the weather, the food, or compliment something the other person is wearing. The conversation doesn’t have to simply be about that one thing, but can be used as a springboard for related topics.

 

4. Bring in a third party

 

Introducing a third person into the mix is one of my favorite things to do to keep a conversation going. Let’s face it: sometimes it can be tiring to keep on a conversation. Bringing in another person can mean introducing two new people to each other, and allowing other people to talk while you contribute once in awhile.

And if the two of them really hit it off, it makes for an easy escape if you want to go do something else.

5 Share, then ask for feedback

Talking about yourself requires a delicate balance. The other person likely will want to know something about you, but you don’t want to bore the other person by making the entire conversation about yourself.

What you can do, then, is to share your own experiences, and at the end, ask the other person what their opinions are. If the other person asks you if you’re traveling anywhere soon, you can briefly tell them your plans, and then ask them if they have any recommendations for your trip.

 

Try one of these methods

 

The next time you meet someone, try doing one of these things to keep the conversation going and see what happens. Chatting with someone new can be nerve-wracking, but you never know the stories and experiences that will come out of it.

What’s one of the most interesting conversations you’ve had with someone?
Share your stories below.

 

 

This 3-Minute Exercise Will Help You Deal With Stressful Situations At Work Like A Boss

 

 

 

You've got 3 minutes, right?

 

When things go south at work, sulking about it, avoiding the situation or adding to the office drama will only give you a bad reputation. That's why it's important that you learn how to deal with workplace stresses and awkward situations professionally.

If you want to build your conflict resolution skills and learn how to take negative feedback more positively, this 3-minute exercise can help. ​

 

Here's how this 3-minute exercise can help you deal with stressful situations at work like a pro:

 

1. Start small.

 

The reason this exercise lasts only three minutes is because starting small offers you the best path to success. So pick one thing you want to focus on and do that for up to three minutes — no more.

Here's an example: Let's say you want to talk to your boss about why she feels upset with your performance. Too soon. This conversation is too important to dive into without a little practice and prep work.

So instead, start small and find a colleague who makes you feel stupid or who you find challenging to work with. Next, take three minutes and write down what you would like to say to them, if you could say whatever you want.

That's it. You're done for the day.

 

2. Keep training.

 

The next day during your three minute exercise, keep refining your words. Take up to the allotted three minutes, and write out even a better way to say what you want to say.

That's it. You're done. 

 

3. Take a step.

 

When you're ready — whether it's only been two days since you started this exercise or a full week — plan to have a short meeting with your annoying co-worker and use this as a practice run for talking to your boss. Say what you think is your best sentence or two.

Remember: Keep it under three minutes.

 

4. Ask for feedback.

 

Let your coworker know you are open to hearing his or her feedback, and take it in without judgment. This is when you are about to learn the power of self-discipline.

The only response that works after receiving feedback is "thank you." Don't defend, explain, or justify. Just say "thank you".

 

5. Take another step.

 

Find another stressful work situation, and keep practicing. Write out your thoughts until you get them right. Then say it directly to your coworker, and get their feedback. 

Keep repeating this process until you feel ready to talk with your boss. You will notice the difference. Your ability to listen, accept feedback, and ask for help will have heightened after a few practice rounds. And as a result, your response to this difficult conversation with your boss will be strong, mature and positive.

And the best part is it only takes three minutes!

 

 

C H A P T E R _ Z E R O - Read (Part 1)

Note: Let's clean up the whole shit

...

1) What one girl wants is a good story line
... so it needs to start somewhere
2) The monsters which you see... are not really mosters... but guys who are unique and penetrate pussies daily.

 

 

 

• FAITHFUCK SEXDRIVER
• ALL OUR SECRETS 17
• FANSADOX_COLLECTION_401_-_DARK_FURY_-_CAGRI-1
• FANSADOX_COLLECTION_-_402_-_FEATHER_-_FEMALE_GENERAL_1-1

 

 

 

Chapter 11 - Cut the Bullshit Tail

New RULE BIATCHES!

 

 

 

Feeling Disrespected? Know When To Walk Away … Literally

 

 

 

True friends respect your boundaries.

 

It can hurt when someone doesn't like you. Logically, you know you can’t please everyone — although you’ve probably tried and failed like the rest of us. If so, welcome to the party!

Personal boundaries based on your values are the best way to determine who you want in your life and who you don’t. If honesty, integrity, and common courtesy are important to you, people with those qualities are a good fit.

 

Pay attention to who you allow into your world. Your life is precious, and being mistreated hurts.

 

When you have supportive people with the same values close to you, it’s a lot easier to let the others go when you realize they are just not a good fit.

If you keep them, they will cause you to doubt yourself as in wondering what’s wrong with you or what you did. You might wonder why you don’t feel happy or good around them, or why they seem to purposely disagree with you or dislike you.

The truth is, for whatever reason, you two are not a good fit. Period.

 

Remember that YOU have to exhibit the same values you want in other people. Otherwise, you will be on different frequencies (like radio stations) and energetically, you won’t ever meet them.

 

 

Or, they will inspire the worst in you, which will feel out of alignment with who you truly are. So, if you need to do some personal work of your own, do it now.

You may not know someone isn’t aligned with your values right away, so it might come as a surprise down the road. They will undoubtedly show their true colors when they can’t keep up the act anymore. This is an indication they were not living the same values as the people they wanted as friends.

 

Rest assured, these people are just a test. Enforce the boundaries you set by carrying out your pre-determined plan to keep yourself on the right track. In other words, figure out what you will say or do when someone crosses the line (your personal boundary) and DO IT. Immediately.

This implementation part is a biggie for women because we’re taught to get along and to not make waves.

 

 

Sorry, but that gets us stuck in all kinds of detrimental messes. The concept is good, but what our moms didn’t realize is that it doesn’t create a confident, happy, and emotionally healthy woman. Instead, we end up putting ourselves too far down on our priorities list trying to be nice. That leaves us at a deficit, without self-confidence and self-respect, when it’s time to care for people who deserve us.

Let me give you an uncomfortable real-life example of something that happened to me.

 

A good friend and I were going to an event and she invited someone else to join us. My gut feeling was to not go because I’d never gotten a good feeling from the other person. She seemed defensive and unhappy when I’d been around her several times previously. I felt like I was walking on eggshells.

 

I decided to go anyway, thinking it would be different. But it was worse. Eye-opening, but worse.

The three of us were just sitting down to lunch when she lashed out at me as I shared something I’d seen on TV. She spoke very condescendingly, laughed at me, made jokes at my expense, and shook her head in what appeared to be disdain and disgust.

I asked her if she had just said what she said, in order to allow her to explain in case I misunderstood. She just stared as she hid behind sunglasses. She sat stone-faced and silent when I apologized if I had offended her in any way.

Her behavior seemed more like someone in a relationship with a long history of negative experiences, rather than an acquaintance who had happily accepted my invitations for fun activities.

 

 

My friend spoke up and said to just “let it go, and move on,” feeling caught in the middle. While I understand it was uncomfortable, and that ending it quickly would be great, my self-respect doesn't allow me to “let it go” when someone treats me poorly.

 

So, I excused myself, got up from the lunch table, and left.

 

I stuck to my pre-determined plan of action for when someone trampled my boundaries. Had I stayed, in addition to having a miserable time, I would have clearly stated that it was okay to treat me that way.

And that’s what most women do. Because the alternative is uncomfortable for everyone involved. The choice is this: Preserve your self-esteem, have true friends, and get hurt now and then; or cower and cater to a bully, which gives them the power-fix they’re looking for by being mean.

 

Keep in mind personal boundaries and gut feelings are personal. No one else has to agree, approve, or feel the same feelings.

 

 

In fact, you and a friend could meet the same person on the same day in the same situation and feel completely opposite about her. Or she may feel comfortable around your friend and not like you.

Maybe you remind her of someone she knows and doesn’t like or of a person who hurt her. Or you might be a perfect example of something she wishes she was or has. Who’s to know?

 

My point is, not everyone is a good fit for you, so be discerning about who you let into your heart. Some people puff it up with more love and others will try to break you to feel better about themselves.

 

However, if you don’t put yourself out there with healthy boundaries you enforce with integrity, you won’t find the good friends you deserve.

And you won’t get to be a good friend to someone who deserves YOU.

 

 

The Most Powerful Girl-Gettin' Technique of All Time

 

by Allen Thompson

 

I'm browsing through a Pier 1 Imports store, checking out the many cool and unique items.

I'm feeling good — very good, in fact. It's hot, the sun is shining, and there's some hip reggae on the sound system. (Nothing like the combination of heat, sun, and reggae to bring out my not-so-deeply-hidden parrothead side.)

I'm bouncing through the store, a big smile on my face, practically dancing through the isles, and finding all kinds of interesting stuff for the "bachelor pad."

 

I look up, and what do I spy, but a major cutie (a store employee) in the tightest, most form-fittingest jeans I've ever seen. She's been watching me it appears, checking me out. As I catch her eye, she startles, and immediately looks the other way, getting back to her work — putting things on shelves and such.

I smile to myself.

 

Then I just laugh.

 

I knew this one was going to be easy. My "work" was already done.

She hadn't just noticed me, she had seen me HAPPY. She had witnessed me bouncing around with a big smile on my face, dancing through the isles, feeling great, almost like a kid in a candy store. I knew, assuming she wasn't married, the outcome of our imminent interaction was pretty much assured.

I continued my browsing, and about 3 minutes later she comes over to see if I need any help. Conversation, flirting, and laughter ensued, numbers were exchanged, and we both went on our merry little ways... just a little bit happier than we were before.

It really doesn't get any easier.

It really doesn't have to be all that hard.

At this site we talk about a lot of cool and unusual ways of attracting and intriguing women. And these are cool, interesting, and great to read, no doubt about it.

But we often ignore and overlook some of the most basic "techniques." And that, unfortunately, includes the most basic, most important, most powerful, and EASIEST WAY to capture a woman's heart, mind, and imagination — and that's simply the power of happiness.

 

 

Happiness attracts!

 

Happiness will get you women!

And nothing is easier or more powerful!

NO, not even the "confidence" that we so frequently discuss.

A happy man with low confidence will have little trouble with women, while an unhappy man with high confidence may find himself struggling. Of course, that being said, happiness and confidence almost always go together. Happy guys are generally pretty confident guys, and confident guys are generally pretty happy guys.

There's not a perfect correlation, but they're related enough that it's reasonable to assume that if we can increase our level of happiness, then we'd most likely also increase our level of confidence. And vice versa.

So rather than focus so much on building confidence, which most guys seem to have quite a problem achieving, maybe a better strategy might be to focus on building happiness.

You have to remember that most people in this world are not all that happy. Most are just getting by, often bored, frequently depressed, rarely excited. So when they meet someone who is happy and who seems to be happy most of the time, they're intrigued, fascinated, and drawn to that person.

They want to try to get some of that happiness for themselves!

 

And this is especially true for women.

 

Remember, women are highly emotional critters. They don't think logically like you and me. They like, want, NEED to feel things. So if you can capture a woman's emotions, make her think that you bring, spread, and exude "happiness" wherever you go, she'll do just about anything to get you, and just about anything to keep you.

So YOU, my future Dons, are going to be Mr. Happiness, Mr. Positivity, Mr. I'm Doing Great! You are going to be her happiness drug, her "fix." And friends, when you are not around, she's going to have FREAKIN WITHDRAWAL PAINS!

You are NOT going to be like everyone else... one of the many, lonely, pathetic individuals looking for happiness, excitement, and personal fulfillment in OTHERS. You are not going to be that unhappy, bored, lethargic individual desperately searching for your "soul mate" to make your life wonderful and complete...

 

...like 98% of the people in this world!!

 

You are going to be the one doing the attracting, not the one doing the chasing. Attracting because you have, or seem to have, what women, and everyone else, wants. You are going to be what they are looking for. You are going to be a Don Juan.

I can hear some of you: "I understand what you're saying, and you're right. But I'm not really all that happy. I'm lonely. My life is dull. I'm tired of watching television. I'm tired of staying home all the time. But I know if I had that one special girl in my life, to do things with, then I'd be happy. Heck, that's why I came to this site."

 

 

And you're right. You probably would be happier if you had a special girl in your life, especially one that really rocks your world. Girls is good stuff to have around, no doubt about it.

And, by the way, that's one of the reasons for the "feast or famine" dating phenomenon that most every guy is familiar with.

It seems that when it comes to attracting and dating women, you're either surrounded by women who are all shamelessly throwing themselves at you... or you're surrounded by women who are all doing their best to completely ignore you (and doing a great job at it). There doesn't really seem to be much of a middle ground.

 

You either have more women than you can handle, or you have no women that you can handle.

Of course one of the primary reasons for this is the "happiness" factor. When you're seeing that special girl that really gets your griddle sizzlin, you're happy, much happier than your usual self... and other girls notice, other girls are intrigued, other girls want to find out more, and other girls want to try to get a little bit of that happiness for themselves.

At this point, it's easy. You don't even really have to try. You're on the verge of Don Juanism... at least temporarily.

On the other hand, when you're lonely, depressed, bored, desperate... you "show it" — with your body language, your facial expressions, the tone in your voice, etc. — and girls want nothing to do with you. They've got enough unhappiness and misery of their own. They don't need to be worrying about you as well.

So yes I can understand you wanting to find someone special in order to be happy. That is what most guys (and girls) do. Unfortunately, this is putting the Don Juan Cart Before the Horse so to speak.

 

If you're looking for someone else to make you happy, to give your life meaning, to make you "complete", then you're doing things, as the French would say, bass ackwards. Yes, you're doing things like 98% of the people in the world, but it's still wrong.

So wrong.

Just wrong.

(For more detailed information on getting girls the easy way — by attracting them to you, rather than chasing and pursuing and stumbling and bumbling — download my FREE 45 page ebook The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating.)

Don Juans don't pursue women in a desperate, pathetic attempt at happiness, or to complete themselves, or any of the other hogwash that Hollywood likes to dish out. Don Juans make themselves happy, deliriously happy, FIRST. And then "pick and choose" amongst all the incredible women who are now interested, attracted, and intrigued. This is the goal.

 

This is the Holy Grail of dating.

 

 

 

The goal is not simply to pursue so many women that eventually you wind up catching one or two. Well, maybe at first, but not ultimately.

The goal is to develop that "aura" that attracts, intrigues, fascinates... and gets them pursuing you. (Note: You may still have to make most of the "moves." But the women will do their best to make it extremely easy for you.)

Okay, if we can accept the fact that happiness attracts women like nothing else, let's talk just briefly about HOW TO GET HAPPY.

In the future we'll talk more extensively about ways to temporarily "fake" happiness, especially when you're not really feeling all that great. But let us here, first of all, talk about some ways to actually make ourselves a little happier, really.

I'm not going to try to distill the wisdom of the ages into just a few paragraphs. Heck, there are probably hundreds of books at your local bookstore dealing with this very subject. But I would like to give you an easy exercise that just might get you jump-started in the right direction.

 

First, remember that happiness and unhappiness work a little something like this:

We are happy when we're thinking good things and unhappy when thinking bad things. In other words, our thoughts, or what we CHOOSE to think about, determine whether we are happy or not. (Nothing really mind-boggling here, folks.)

If we're thinking about ourselves in a negative way (what we lack, our particular faults, things we don't like about ourselves) and/or comparing ourselves to others who are seemingly more blessed than us (guys who are rich, famous, handsome, surrounded by women), then we're not going to be very happy... and others will notice.

However, if we're thinking about ourselves in a positive way (what we have, all our good points, about things that we really like about ourselves) and/or comparing ourselves to others who seem to be less fortunate than us, then we're going to be much happier... and people will notice.

In other words, happiness is not something that "happens" to you; it's not something that's objectively determined and out of your control. Happiness is determined entirely by what you think, and what you think is up to you.

You can be destitute, alone, living in a cardboard box, and still be deliriously happy if you choose to be. (Maybe focusing your mental energy on your good health and feeling bad for the fellow living in the box next to you who can hardly walk.)

You can also be the richest, best-looking, most famous and well-liked guy in the world, and still be miserable, if you choose to focus on "bad" things. (Maybe the love of your life divorced you two years ago, your nephew died recently, you don't think you have any "real" friends, or whatever.)

Again, this is not mind-boggling stuff here. I hope you all realize this already.

 

 

So what we need to do in order to make ourselves happier, and start attracting the chickies, is to train ourselves in the HABIT of happiness thinking. Happiness is a habit of thought — it's a learned, conditioned behavior.

Most people, unfortunately, have developed the habit of unhappiness thinking. Always obsessing over what they don't have, what they hate about themselves, constantly comparing themselves to others who are better off, etc.

In order to become Don Juans, we need to retrain our minds. We need to train our minds to habitually think happy thoughts rather than unhappy ones.

The following is very simple, very commonsensical, but will definitely work, if you give it a try.

Take out a piece of paper and begin writing down happiness thoughts — things which when you read or think about them trigger states of happiness, or confidence, or pleasure in your mind.

For example, write down all the things you like about yourself, all the things you've accomplished, all the things that make you a great human being to be around. Include things such as:

• personality characteristics (your great sense of humor)
• physical characteristics (your killer hair)
• accomplishments (your MS in electrical engineering)
• specific memories that put a smile on your face and make you feel good
• possessions (maybe a great car that any woman would be lucky to even sit in)
• friends, family, associates
• etc.

Anything and everything you can think of. Anything that makes you realize that you're not a loser, that you're actually a heck of a guy, and any woman would be LUCKY to have a shot at you.

Write down as many things as you can think of now — you may need several sheets of paper — then put the paper on your dresser or on your kitchen table or someplace conspicuous and continually add to it over the next couple weeks, every time you think of something new.

Heck, write down that smiling little girl that you saw on the news the other day, the one who's 6 years old and already has had 15 operations because of a birth defect. How could anyone watch or think about something like that and not feel extremely fortunate that they themselves were born healthy and normal.

Once you have all your lists, you need to start training your mind to focus more on the great things about you and your life, rather than focusing on the things you don't like.

To break the bad habit of negative, unhappiness thinking, we need to repeatedly, over a period of time, maybe a few weeks, force ourselves to think about, remember, and focus on things that generate a positive, confident, and happy emotional state.

We're not going to get rid of our negative thoughts by not thinking about our faults and failures. (In order to consciously not think about something, you have to think about it.) We're going to get rid of our negative thoughts by replacing them with positive ones.

Once we have our sheets of paper, all we have to do is schedule time to review.

Spend 5 or 10 minutes before going to sleep reviewing your lists. Spend another 5 or 10 minutes in the morning doing the same. 5 minutes during lunch. Another 5 in the afternoon.

Don't make this hard. Don't make it a chore. It should actually be fun and something that you look forward to. (Who doesn't like to feel good?)

Spend a few weeks doing this, a few weeks reviewing your lists and retraining your mind. It WILL work. Your thinking will change. Your manner will change. Your walk will change. Your body language will change. Your confidence will change. You will become happier.

And the women will notice!

 

 

The 7 Signs a Woman Wants to Be Approached

by Ron Louis & David Copeland

 

 

Question:

 

How do I find out if a woman is receptive to being approached by me?

 

Answer:

 

We never suggest pushing a woman, trying to "talk her into liking you," or becoming submissive and acting like a supplicant "so she'll like you."

We are against giving her things you don't want to give her, or doing things for her that you don't want to do, in order to "get her to like you," too.

 

 

However...

You probably are often in situations where you don't know if a woman is receptive or not.

Perhaps it's in a bookstore, as you watch a desirable woman browse the books. Or perhaps it's at a coffee shop, wondering if a woman might like you as you watch her working on her laptop computer.

One of the big traps men fall into is they don't find out if a woman is receptive or not. If she's not, then fine, you can move on. But you have to find out.

 

How to do that?

 

1. Saying "hi" right away.

 

If you said "hi" to that woman at the coffee shop when you first saw her, and she didn't say "hi" back, you'd have a good idea that she's not very receptive to your approaching her. If she did say "hi" back, then you both have a little invested in the relationship, and it will be easier to talk with her more later.

 

2. Assessing her "vibe."

 

With some women, you really might get the sense that there is a wall around them and that they are really in their own world.

In that situation, the average guy will make this mistake - he'll assume that if he was better with women, he'd be able to break down that wall, talk to that woman, and get her into bed in 20 minutes or less.

Then the average guy will feel bad about himself. Has that ever happened to you?

 

 

 

The truth is, some women are highly unreceptive, and it doesn't have anything to do with you, and there's nothing you are going to be able to do about it. Stop idealizing her as "the perfect woman, who got away" and stop beating yourself up about it.

 

3. Check out her level of eye contact.

 

If you are around anyone, you are likely to make accidental eye contact - unless that person is making an effort to make sure that eye contact does not occur. If you can't catch her eye, it doesn't mean that the game is over, but it might mean that she's less open to you than you might like.

 

4. Being a source of certainty that the interaction is going okay.

 

Remember, most of the time, a woman is looking to you to gauge whether or not she should be tense in an interaction. If you seem relaxed, she'll be much more likely to relax, too.

On the other hand, if you are tense, she'll be tense, too.

Don't wait for her to relax first - have the faith that the interaction is okay, even before there's any proof of it.

Providing that certainty is _much_ more important than having the "perfect line." You can bumble all over the place, but if you are a source of certainty, then you will have a much better chance with her.

 

5. See how she responds to comments.

 

You can find out if a woman is receptive by making some little comment, and seeing how she responds to it.

 

 

 

For instance - If you are using your laptop computer outside at a coffee shop, and it is too bright to see the screen so you came back inside, you might say something like, "Wow, it's nice out, but too bright to see the screen" as you pass by her.

See how she responds - if she grunts or says nothing, she's probably feeling unapproachable. If she gives you an entire sentence, you are on your way!

 

6. Try a simple conversation-starter.

 

Get this - It IS permissible to start a conversation with a very tepid, non-romantic question.

You don't have to be romantic right off the bat - just try a little test to find out if she's interested in talking with you.

Look for something in the environment you can comment on, or something about her person that you can ask a question about. Then make your comment or ask your question.

It's perfectly fine to start a conversation with, "Excuse me, I notice you have an Apple laptop. How do you like it?" You just need to get something started. It can get romantic later.

It's also excellent to ask, "What's the story behind that?" about some article on her person. For instance, you might say, "Excuse me, I couldn't help noticing your unusual necklace. I can't recall ever seeing one like that before. If you wouldn't mind me asking, what's the story behind that?"

These are good ways to open conversations with any woman, and will help you see how receptive she is.

 

 

 

7. Don't beat yourself up for "missed" opportunities.

 

We've said it before, and we'll say it again: It does you no good to beat yourself up for not talking to every woman who crosses your path.

Sometimes you'll "miss" opportunities with women. Don't beat yourself up about it. Beating yourself up about missing opportunities with women only makes things worse.

We believe that this is true: "Missing" opportunities - and not beating yourself up about them - is part of learning to actually take opportunities.

The sequence looks like this: 1) You believe there are no opportunities. Eventually, that leads to 2) You see opportunities, but don't take them, which leads to 3) seeing opportunities and taking them. Let yourself feel good about even _seeing_ the opportunity to approach a woman. That will help you take the opportunity in the future.

More women than you think want you to approach them. Use these tips to find out which ones, and take action!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 11.1 - Cut the Bullshit Tail (Part 2)

The Kiss of Death

 

by Allen Thompson

 

You've met the most incredible girl...

You don't really know her, but you're pretty sure she's a Goddess... sent straight from Heaven... in jeans.

You exchanged glances in Chemistry, had a few brief conversations after class, and even bumped into her at the mall. (Talk about fate!)

You KNOW you want her. There's no doubt about it. The question now becomes, "Does she want you?"

 

 

 

She smiles at you... but is it a friendly or a flirtatious smile?

You saw her leave with another guy after class... was he her boyfriend?

She flirted with you last week, even touched your shoulder... then completely ignored you the other day.

 

Does she like you?

 

How can you tell? You really need to know this before you begin the "pursuit" don't you?

Perhaps the most common question posed on the SoSuave Discussion Forumconcerns "reading women" and trying to figure out whether they like you or not. The poster usually describes his situation, what he did, what she did, and then asks, "Does this mean she likes me?" Or, "Does this mean she doesn't like me?"

Definitely a popular question. Definitely a question in need of an answer.

Okay, here's the best answer you're probably ever going to get and what you need to remember... always...

Obsessing about a particular girl, and whether or not she likes you, is the KISS OF DEATH with women!

If you're worrying about whether a girl likes you or not, chances are she doesn't - or rather, SHE WON'T. She won't because your "worry" and your "obsession" with what she thinks of you will actually push her away.

Let me try to explain.

When you let yourself fall into the "obsession" trap, you begin to analyze everything your dream girl does, every word she says, every move she makes... and try to relate them all to you!

She smiled at you - she didn't smile at you. She emailed you - she didn't email you. She returned your call - she didn't return your call. Confusion, frustration, and anxiety result.

 

 

 

This obsession with her behaviors and their meanings will paralyze you, confuse you, and suck every ounce of confidence you have from your body. You will become a Blithering Blob of Insecurity. And women, in general, are not attracted to Blithering Blobs of Insecurity.

So are you wrong to be confused by women?

NO! Absolutely NO!

 

Women ARE confusing. Always have been and always will be. That's just the way they are.

 

Especially when it comes to romance, women seem totally inconsistent in their behaviors.

One minute you're convinced you're the man of her dreams, and the next she seems to be unaware of your existence. One minute she's flirting, and smiling, and rubbing up against you, and the next minute she's gone, left without even saying "bye." You SHOULD be frustrated and confused!

Now, no one knows exactly why women give off such mixed signals and deliberately, it seems, attempt to confuse us. Some suspect it's those magazines they read. Others think it has to do with the secret bathroom conferences they hold. Still others propose that their illogical behaviors are due to the wacky hormones they have surging throughout their bodies. The cause is relatively unimportant. You just have to accept it, and plot your strategy to deal with it.

So, given the inconsistencies of female romantic behavior, attempting to "read" women and figure out what they're thinking, is, at best, an incredibly frustrating experience. So don't do it. Don't even attempt it.

Just say NO to "reading" women!

Okay... well... if you don't really try to "read" women to determine whether they like you or not, then what do you do? What's your strategy? After all, they may be confusing, illogical, and somewhat annoying, but you still wanna get you one.

Simple...

 

If you're attracted to a girl, then just ASSUME she's attracted to you too. And ACT ACCORDINGLY!

 

Assume that she likes you and would like to get to know you better. Assume that she's physically attracted to you. Assume that YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES to attract such a lady, no matter how incredible she seems.

Assume the positive... always the positive. Assuming the negative will kill any chances you might have with her. (Pessimists, my friend, are not "chick magnets.")

Now there are many exciting benefits of adopting this attitude of assuming that women you like also like you... and treating them accordingly.

 

 

For one, if you refuse to obsess about all the little "signs" she's giving you, whether they be good signs or bad signs, you will feel more relaxed, calm, and confident. You won't be "up" one minute because she smiled at you, and "down" the next because she also smiled at some other guy.

 

Attempting to "read" her will only lead to confusion, frustration, and anxiety. And this will make you more tense when she's around, and thus, less likely to be the charming, charismatic Don Juan that you'd like to be.

 

And you also won't be wasting your time trying to figure out what she's thinking... trying to figure out what every little move means... and where you stand. You'll be able to devote your "mental time" to something more useful and productive.

Secondly, if you just assume that she likes you, then you will actually increase the probability that she eventually WILL like you. This is known as a self-fulfilling prophecy, and is a well-documented phenomenon in psychological research.

Basically what this means is that if you have a "she likes me" attitude, then you'll project positive, optimistic behaviors and thoughts. She'll pick up on these and ... like you.

 

If, on the other hand, you have a "she doesn't like me" attitude, you'll project negative, pessimistic behaviors and thoughts. She'll, likewise, pick up on these and ... not like you.

 

And if you have a "does she like me" attitude, then you'll project tense, anxiety-ridden behaviors and thoughts that will decrease the probability of her liking you... or she may even find being around you to be an "uncomfortable" experience. (Isn't it easier to relax around people who are relaxed themselves?)

And third, the attitude of just assuming that she likes you, rather than worrying about whether she does or not, allows you to maintain control of the situation... and yourself.

 

If you are obsessing about the "signs" and allow the "signs" to control your behaviors, thoughts, and emotions, then you have basically given her complete control of the situation. And complete control over you!

If she's "good" to you, you're happy. If she's "bad" to you, you're sad. If she wants to encourage you, she can throw out a few positive signals. If she wants to discourage you, she can throw out a few negative signals. Your happiness is basically under her control... whether she knows it or not.

 

Not the position that a "Don Juan" likes to be in. Not the position that you want to be in.

However, if you just assume that she likes you and treat her accordingly, and refuse to be controlled by all the little signs (especially the bad ones), you take charge of the situation. You have decided that you like her. And you have decided that she likes you... or will like you when she gets to know you better. And you act accordingly.

You exude confidence. You're relaxed. And you project that "aura" that every budding Don Juan searches for. (The poor girl won't stand a chance up against that aura!)

Okay, so you agree that obsessing about a particular girl and whether or not she likes you is not in your best interest. It will turn you into a Blithering Blob of Insecurity, decrease the probability that she will like you, and give her complete control over your happiness.

So what do you do when those thoughts start to take over your mind? I mean, after all, she is a Goddess, right?

Here's one simple little mental trick that might help you...

Whenever the obsessive "does she like me" thoughts start to take over your mind, even if they're the "good" ones, mentally grab them with your hands, throw them down on the floor, and step on them. Then remind yourself that obsessing about her is not in your best interest, that it will suck away your confidence, and actually decrease the probability that you'll eventually get her.

At this point you want to take a deep breath... smile... laugh... and think to yourself...

"I should send that Allen guy a few bucks."

 

 

 

C H A P T E R _ Z E R O - Dash (Part 8)

 The moment when information or details are out of your control, this is the moment in which you pray to god to get something so to continue the whole thing... but in the end no prayer can help you!

 

 

Become Confident Around Women in 4 Simple Steps

by Jason Rogers

 

 

 

 

I mean, that’s what you want... isn’t it?

You want to feel calm, confident, and composed around women. You know that if you could consistently feel this way around the most attractive women, that your dating life would skyrocket.

Luckily, there’s a way.

What follows is the step-by-step sequence I lead my clients through who desire confidence around attractive women. Follow these four steps and you too will experience a whole new level of confidence around women.

Best of all? These 4-steps consistently deliver guys who follow them real results in under 30 days. With that said, why delay? Let’s dive into this bad boy, shall we?

 

Step One: Approach One Attractive Woman Tomorrow

 

That’s it.

Just meet one attractive woman you didn’t know during your day or evening, tomorrow.

This can be a woman from a different department at work. It can be a cutie who’s in line next to you in the grocery store. Chat up a cutie in the bar after work. Or, approach that foxy brunette sitting there on the park bench.

The specifics here don’t matter. All that matters is you approach one attractive woman tomorrow. Be resourceful and get the job done.

As for what to say? You can bookmark this guide if you’re looking for tons of flirting examples. But don’t overcomplicate things. Simply introducing yourself and starting a chat with a cutie is the only goal.

 

Step Two: Learn One Lesson from Your Interaction

 

The “result” of your interaction does not matter. It doesn’t matter worth a shit. The goal isn’t to “woo” this one woman. The goal is to become permanently confident around attractive women for a lifetime.

Therefore, as soon as you finish your conversation, your mission is simple: learn one lesson from your interaction. Here’s what you wanna do...

Ask yourself the following question the instant you leave the conversation.

“What’s the number one thing I can learn from that interaction that will help me get a better result next time?”

By immediately asking yourself this question, two things happen.

First, you’ll be surprised what sage like advice your brain gives you. Especially since you read new content like this, your brain has lots of dating wisdom stored. Now? You’re going to give yourself realtime feedback.

Secondly, by asking yourself this question the second after your conversation finishes, you’re training yourself to let go of the outcome — whether it’s a good one or a bad one. This detachment from the validation (or lack thereof) from a sexy woman is paramount.

By not focusing on what she said or how she responded, you’re training yourself tosurge with confidence no matter what happens when you’re around attractive women.

Religiously practicing step two after your approaches is how you can become that “no fucks given” kinda guy that women crave.

 

Step Three: Validate Yourself with Well Earned, Positive Self Talk

 

You did it, my man. You approached a foxy chica. Then? You learned a personalized nugget of wisdom that’ll make you more smooth around the next attractive woman you talk to.

Honestly, getting to step three isn’t easy for most guys.

As a result, and in order to ensure you stay healthfully detached of the opinion of the sexy woman you just approached, now it’s time to pat yourself on the back.

Yes, you can literally, physically, pat yourself on the back. But what’s more important is the inner-self validation. Make sure you tell yourself something positive.

For example, you may say to yourself, “Nice job bro. That took courage. Way to take action.” This is the type of “patting on the back” I’m referring to.

Again, validating yourself after each interaction with positive self talk is crucial to both your confidence and for cultivating a positive outlook regardless of outcome.

Equally, patting yourself on the back with positive self talk (and perhaps a literal pat on the back too) fuels you with the motivation you’re going to want in order to tackle step four...

 

Step Four: Repeat Steps 1, 2, and 3 Each Day for the Next Month

 

Rome wasn’t built in a day. You can’t expect to transform your confidence around women by simply talking to an attractive woman one time!

That said, by following the aforementioned step-by-step sequence with discipline over the next 30 days, you’ll be amazed at how much progress you can make!

By committing to this process for the next month, what you’ll notice is your confidence compounds on itself.

You’ll learn more about women, yourself, sexuality, and social dynamics by taking action on this process for 30 straight days, than you ever could from reading blogs and watching videos alone.

The truth is that real knowledge comes from real world experience. Likewise, as long as you steadfastly commit to steps 2 and 3 each day you approach, there’s no need to fear whether or not you get results. This isn’t about “getting her number” or adding a “notch” to your bedpost.

Think of this 30 day challenge as a training regimen. Because in truth, this 30 day challenge is a regimen — that’ll ensure you’re able to get real dating results for a lifetime.

So let go of the need for her validation! Say screw it to your fears! And follow these four steps. You can do this!

 

 

 

 

The Top 10 Attraction Secrets Women Know That Men Don't

 

by Joseph Matthews

 

 

 

Let's face it - women know much more about how to attract someone than men do.

Hey, it's not our fault. Women have YEARS of practice at getting people to notice them! They have lots of experience with getting guys to like them. In other words: They've gone through the training!

If you've ever seen a guy get so bent out of shape over a girl he liked, then you'll know exactly what I mean when I say...

WOMEN KNOW THE SECRETS OF ATTRACTION!

 

 

But the funny thing about attraction is that it cuts both ways. Men can actually learn these secrets too and get great results with them.

So what are they?

 

SECRET 1:  Know What You Want

 

Too many guys suffer from the problem of having to "take what they can get." Women tend to get a lot of suitors coming their way, so they can be a little bit more picky.

When you know what you're looking for in a partner, you're not only screening potential candidates, but you're making a very powerful statement as well.

You're showing that you're not desperate. That you are the one with the power because you are doing the judging. And when you're the one with the power, you're the one who must be pursued.

 

SECRET 2:  Be The Prize

 

Being the one pursued means that you have a certain amount of value to others. They want you, for some reason, and it's now their job to try and get you.

In order for this to happen, you must place a certain value on yourself. You must feel like you are worthy to be pursued by others, and you must communicate this fact with your actions and attitude.

Girls get lots of guys trying to impress them. But it's the rare guy they want to impress who winds up with them.

 

SECRET 3:  Dress To Impress

 

Women place a lot of importance on how they look. It's for this reason that many of them get the male attention they do.

Women understand that what you wear helps to get others to notice you. In fact, because women are so in-tune with fashion, they really tend to notice how a guy dresses.

A man who understands how to cultivate his own appearance and look good will get a lot of attention from women, not just because he looks nice, but because he's communicating he understands how important appearance is to them.

 

SECRET 4:  Smell Fantastic

 

All too often, men ignore the sense of smell. They don't bother to put on cologne or after-shave. But women know that if you're going to attract someone, you need to appeal to all the senses.

 

 

 

Think about the perfumes women wear that drive you wild and you'll know just how important smelling good can be.

Wearing a good cologne around a woman can do wonders to make her aroused in your presence.

 

SECRET 5:  Be Interesting

 

Despite all the physical traits involved in attraction, having nothing but good looks can wear thin quickly. This is why it's important to be interesting.

Being interesting equates to having something to talk about that the person you are trying to attract can relate to.

Being up to date on current events, pop culture, music, gossip, and any number of things can help a woman feel interested in spending time with you.

But in addition to knowing what to talk about, you also have to be able to LISTEN and let the other person relate to you. After all, nothing is more interesting than someone who is interested in you.

 

SECRET 6:  Do What's Unexpected

 

Doing what is not expected of you can create an air of excitement and uncertainty around you. It keeps people on their feet and attentive when around you.

Of course, you shouldn't be comical when doing the unexpected, such as suddenly shouting out a curse word or something ridiculous like that.

Instead, you have to play against expectations. For instance, instead of complimenting a girl on her looks, compliment her on her intelligence. She probably does not get a lot of compliments like that, and it will make you stand out.

Taking her out on a creative date, instead of your typical dinner-and-a-movie is unexpected as well.

When you do what's not expected of you, you keep excitement alive.

 

SECRET 7:  Be Hot And Cold

 

Emotions are what must be stimulated to make attraction work. Without emotion, attraction is impossible.

But too much of one emotion is just as bad as a lack of emotion. Feeling good all the time or feeling bad all the time causes us to stray from the person we are with.

When you alternate between hot and cold emotions, you create an emotional roller coaster that keeps things interesting and your partner interested.

 

 

 

 

Women do this all the time. They will act very interested and attracted to you, and make you feel good. Then, they'll act like you're not there and ignore you, and make you feel bad.

This constant alternation of good and bad feelings keeps their partner invested in them. And men can do this too.

 

SECRET 8:  Play Hard To Get

 

No one ever appreciates that which comes easily to them. Women know this better than anyone. If they are "too easy," chances are the guy will leave them after they've had their conquest.

The idea of playing hard to get makes the pursuer emotionally invest themselves in the outcome of their hunt.

By making a woman work for your affections, you are getting her to commit to wanting to be with you.

 

SECRET 9:  Be Adventurous

 

Being adventurous is different from doing what's unexpected. Adventure is about pushing boundaries and doing things that are new and outside your typical comfort zone.

Adventurous women intrigue men. They make them feel alive, and those good feelings become associated with the girl.

But it works both ways. An adventurous man will easily sweep a girl off her feet. He will make her feel alive, and open up how she experiences the world around her.

 

SECRET 10:  Use Your Sexuality

 

Women know that being sexual and using their sexuality is a powerful tool in attracting men. But men typically have no idea how to be sexual.

Men equate sexuality with women, because that's how they understand sex. But men can be sexy too, and being so will get women to become attracted just as easily as men are.

The difference here is that in order for a man to be sexy, he must ACT manly. He must show the best characteristics of what it is to be a man for the woman to get turned on.

Using your sexuality as a man means being strong, being brave, being aggressive, and allowing your masculine energy to radiate from you.

 

 

 

The more you are able to use your sexuality, the more women will respond to you.

How do I know this? Simple:

 

WOMEN TELL ME THIS ALL THE TIME.

 

In my interview series The Secret Files, I sit down with real women and pick their brains about love, dating, sex, and pretty much anything else I can think of.

And wouldn't you know it? Most of the time women are more than happy to share their secrets with me!

It's like getting sneaky "insider information" whenever I want.

And here's the good news... I am opening up my Secret Files series for YOU, so now you can learn all the powerful attraction lessons women have to share.

After all - women KNOW about attraction. Way more than men do, at least.

And in the Secret Files, women are happy to SPILL THE BEANS about everything a guy needs to do to get women into them.

Seriously, this is like getting a first-class sexual education from women who KNOW everything there is to know about how to get them turned on.

Talk soon,

Joseph Matthews

 

 

 

3 Reasons Your Anxiety Gets Triggered Randomly —​ Even When Things Are Fine

 

 

 

 

Anxiety can pop up out of nowhere.

 

You may have asked yourself, "Why do I have anxiety, and what causes it?"

Feeling anxious is normal in challenging situations. Whether it’s on the job, at home, or driving in traffic, life presents you with daily trials. Anxiety has no respect for geography, it can find you anywhere.

Most likely, you’ve faced anxiety before now, but it may not have been too difficult to get over. A stressful day at work is an example of a challenging situation. It can make your mind flustered, blood pressure increase, and stomach turn. When the day is over, the symptoms pass.

What happens, though, when anxiety hits you for no apparent reason? 

 

 

There were no obvious triggers like work stress or domestic pressures. This feeling dropped in on you out of the blue and there are a few muffled indicators that can fly under the radar.

 

Here are 3 possible reasons why anxiety rears its ugly head, even when life is good and you're feeling great:

 

1. Your self-care routine is the culprit.

 

Often, the moments and days after experiencing anxiety are life-changing. You’ve probably experienced this phenomenon after a stressful time in your life.

If you're burning the candle at both ends, not getting enough exercise and not eating right, anxiety can pop up. Many people revamp their self-care routine for the better. Making a change to a healthier diet and getting more exercise can help keep anxiety at bay. Monitoring the stressful situations in your life also helps.

 

A deficiency of B12 and magnesium can contribute to increased anxiety. Sugars that break down quickly in the body also welcome anxiety. Dehydration can make any symptoms feel much worse as well.

Take note of what you’re putting in your body and change your diet accordingly. Physical activity can ward off anxiety symptoms for hours. In addition, the effects of an exercise routine can be long-lasting.

These are positive changes that exemplify excellent self-awareness. As life goes on, your hypervigilance may grow lax. Most of the time this doesn’t pose a problem. There are times, however, when anxiety seizes this opportunity to sneak into your mind and body with no warning.

Battling anxiety starts long before any symptoms can be felt. Taking preventative measures, in terms of self-care, is like staying a step ahead of this angst.

 

 

2. You have an unknown trigger.

 

By now you’ve become aware of what triggers anxiety in your own life. Triggers can run the gamut from meeting new people to driving on the freeway. Each person is different. Thus, each person has a unique set of mental reactions to situations.

As life changes, you also change. What was a trigger yesterday, may not be one today. Triggers can change within a matter of days, weeks, or months. There is no shortage of stressors in this fast-paced world and new triggers are formed every day.

The way to combat an unexpected trigger is to practice mindfulness or self-awareness. The better you know yourself, the fewer mental surprises you will experience. 

 

3. Your stress levels have increased.

 

Much like a frog in increasingly hot water, stress has a way of creeping back into your life. As time goes on, you become accustomed to your level of stress. Little by little more finds its way into your life.

It’s a brick-by-brick effect. By the time you realize what has happened, anxiety has silently built a wall between you and tranquility.

Again, mindfulness and self-awareness can help prevent this situation. Keep a mental check on the level of stress in your life.

Battling anxiety can seem like an uphill climb, especially when it visits unexpectedly. A professional can help you strategize a plan to keep a step ahead of anxiety.

 

 

 

 

 

Is My Stress Level Too High?

 

 

 

Mental and Emotional Signs

 

Stress can also affect how you think and feel, making it tough to get through your normal responsibilities and make rational decisions. In some cases, this kind of stress can impact behavior in other ways, and some people turn to drugs, alcohol, tobacco, or other harmful substances to cope with their feelings.

Excessive stress may also affect your appetite, causing you to eat more or less than usual, and it may affect or eliminate your motivation to exercise and stay fit. Additionally, the feelings you get when you’re stressed may make you feel like withdrawing from friends and family and isolating yourself.

Some of the psychological and emotional signs that you’re stressed out include:

• Depression or anxiety
• Anger, irritability, or restlessness
• Feeling overwhelmed, unmotivated, or unfocused
• Trouble sleeping or sleeping too much
• Racing thoughts or constant worry
• Problems with your memory or concentration
• Making bad decisions

When to Get Help

If you’re struggling with stress and don’t know how to cope, you may want to seek help from a specialist. Your primary care doctor can be a good starting point. She can help you figure out if the signs and symptoms you’re experiencing are from a medical issue or an anxiety disorder.

She can also refer you to a mental health expert and provide you with additional resources and tools.

Some of the signs it’s time to get help:

• Your work or school performance is suffering
• You’re using alcohol, drugs, or tobacco to deal with your stress
• Your eating or sleeping habits change significantly
• You’re behaving in ways that are dangerous to yourself, including self-mutilation
• You have irrational fears and anxiety
• You have trouble getting through your daily responsibilities
• You’re withdrawing from friends and family
• You think about suicide or hurting other people

 

 

P.S. - Deep down we suffer... from too much info... or do we?

 

 

 

 

How To Explain Anxiety To People Who Always Ask What You Could Possibly Have To Worry About

 

 

 

Shall I count the ways?

 

Yesterday I was visiting a couple of friends in my hometown and a guy I hadn't seen in around 20 years was there. We were discussing different types of anxiety remedies and this guy gave me a somewhat baffled look and said, “What on Earth do you have to be anxious about?”

I know he meant well and I’m not writing this to call him to task.

 

The truth is, I get this question a lot.

 

In my experience, people ask this question as though my anxiety is something I chose and something I can control. Believe me, I understand why people might question my constant stream of anxious thoughts. I’m white (read: privileged), relatively young, intelligent, own my own home, have a decent career in the software industry and am not completely disgusting to look at, so I can see why, from the outside, it probably looks like I have my life together and enough advantages that I should have nothing to worry about.

Here's the thing...

Having my life together is actually a coping mechanism I've adopted in order to manage my anxiety.

What is anxiety exactly?

 

According to the American Psychiatric Association (APA):

 

“Generalized anxiety disorder involves persistent and excessive worry that interferes with daily activities. This ongoing worry and tension may be accompanied by physical symptoms, such as restlessness, feeling on edge or easily fatigued, difficulty concentrating, muscle tension or problems sleeping. Often the worries focus on everyday things such as job responsibilities, family health or minor matters such as chores, car repairs, or appointments.”

 

There are many potential causes of anxiety disorders, most of which are not entirely understood yet by the medical community at large.

The Mayo Clinic identifies some of the known risk factors for developing an anxiety disorder as follows:

 

 

• Trauma. Children who endured abuse or trauma or witnessed traumatic events are at higher risk of developing an anxiety disorder at some point in life. Adults who experience a traumatic event also can develop anxiety disorders.
• Stress due to an illness. Having a health condition or serious illness can cause significant worry about issues such as your treatment and your future.
• Stress build-up. A big event or a buildup of smaller stressful life situations may trigger excessive anxiety — for example, a death in the family, work stress or ongoing worry about finances.
• Personality. People with certain personality types are more prone to anxiety disorders than others are.
• Other mental health disorders. People with other mental health disorders, such as depression, often also have an anxiety disorder.
• Having blood relatives with an anxiety disorder. Anxiety disorders can run in families.
• Drugs or alcohol. Drug or alcohol use or abuse or withdrawal can cause or worsen anxiety.

 

In "The Role of Childhood Trauma in the Neurobiology of Mood and Anxiety Disorders: Preclinical and Clinical Studies," Charles Nemeroff and Christine Heim explain, “Compelling evidence from a variety of studies suggests that early life stress constitutes a major risk factor for the development and persistence of mental disorders.”

There are many things we could define as “traumatic” and this varies greatly among individuals. Some examples of events that could have the potential to be traumatic in childhood are abuse, bullying, neglect, religious beliefs, and social influences.

 

While someone may look put together from the outside, they may be experiencing an inner dialogue shaped by past traumas that created the negative self-image with which they now identify.

 

So, for example, you may look at someone and think, “he/she really looks great!"

But that person’s inner dialogue could still be repeating something they were told in the 9thgrade such as, “You're a poor, fat, ugly, and worthless pig with no value."

That is to say that the person you perceive someone to be may not be the same person they believe they are themselves, and it can take years of therapy, medications, and re-processing of old thought patterns to move past some of these traumas.

 

Of course, anxiety does have its advantages (if you want to call them that).

 

Recently one of my close friends and I were discussing how the two of us seem to be doing well in life compared to several of the people we hung out with when we were younger. Some of them have faced and/or are still facing addiction, extreme poverty, and other life complications while we are both educated non-addicts who pay our bills on time and remain gainfully employed.

Generally, things are pretty damn good for both of us — if you don’t count the constant nagging worry and negative self-talk running on a constant loop in our through our anxiety-addled brains.

The positive byproduct we realized we both experience is the drive to do whatever we can at all times in order to improve our situations. Having our lives together is something we each feel we can take direct control over, whereas everything happening outside of ourselves feels so dangerously out of our control. 

 

Being in a constant state of anticipating the worst is certainly no picnic.

 

My anxiety consistently reminds me of all of my weaknesses, faults, and flaws (real or perceived) to the point that ever finding a sense of contentment seems impossible. To my, having my shit together seems more like a farce than a fact, and I worry that at any minute someone will reveal the truth of who I really am.

And while I know that the thoughts racing through my heads aren't at all rational, they still infiltrate my sense of identity and make managing life a real struggle.

 

So, what do I have to be anxious about?

Everything. Literally everything.

 

I’m anxious about the way I look.

 

I know that logically, I am average looking and not the monstrous beast my inner-child would have me believe. Yet that fat, awkward girl in the back of my head still reminds me that the mean kids in school told me I was “fat and disgusting,” and that therefore I must somehow still be “fat and disgusting."

I’m anxious that people won’t like me.

Deep down I don’t give a crap about whether or not people like me, yet I still feel a nagging sense of worry in regard to social situations.

I’m even anxious when people do like me.

I worry that maybe I somehow misled them into believing I’m someone I’m not.

I’m anxious that I’m going to lose my job.

I know that I’m seriously good at my job and that I’m well-liked at my place of employment, however, I am always on pins and needles wondering when I’m going to be revealed as the fraud I truly am and get canned.

 

I'm anxious that I'm not a "good enough" mother.

I worry constantly that my child is going to grow up completely screwed up and anxious because I am a crappy mother. Deep down I know that’s not true and that I’m doing the best I can as a single parent, but I still worry about it.

I even get anxious because I am anxious.

 

 

 

And don’t even get me started on my anxiety around dating.

I know I am a good catch. I can literally list off all of the reasons why I am a great catch. That being said, I'm genuinely surprised when anyone shows an ounce of romantic interest in me. My first reaction is almost always, “What is wrong with them, that they like me?” or “How did I unintentionally misrepresent myself in order to make them like me?"

My first thought is never that they might simply like me because of the many reasons I could list to explain why I’m a good catch.

This is, of course, assuming I even realize it when someone is interested in me in that way. I generally assume someone just wants to be my friend unless they directly state otherwise. Subtle hints are always lost on me.

I've been in several situations where I was crushing on a guy, only to have him eventually get pissed off at me and ask why I never gave him a chance, after which I'm like, "Ummm... Because you never told me you wanted one?"

Just tell me if you want to date me! It's not that difficult! 

(Says the person who rarely has the courage to do the so herself.)

If you suffer from anxiety like me, here are my thoughts regarding how you can respond when people ask you the same question.

1. Be conscious of the fact that people who don't have extreme bouts of anxiety don't understand what it's like.

They may think they do, but they just don't. Being anxious during a job interview or when speaking in front of people is in no way comparable to living with a true anxiety disorder.

 

2. View it as a teaching opportunity.

 

I'm not even remotely private about my experiences with anxiety. They're just not something I feel a need to hide or be ashamed of, so for me, it's simply a chance to explain what it is I go through every day by offering a general summary of what it feels like to live in a state of frequent rumination and the thought-processes that invade my brain all too often.

 

3. Have a standardized, go-to summary for those times when erring on the side of brevity seems best.

 

Detailed explanations make some people feel uncomfortable, so they're not the right option for every person or in every situation.

In my own most recent encounter with this question, I simply answered, "Sometimes I get overly paranoid about people and situations."

That's obviously an extreme oversimplification, but I didn't have the time or opportunity to go into details and I didn't feel it was appropriate or necessary to discuss my inner turmoil with a casual acquaintance.

 

4. Identify some great resources you can refer people to.

 

Remember that if discussing your anxiety puts you in danger of exacerbating your symptoms, there's no need for you to go into a thorough explanation even with a close friend or family member. If you don't feel comfortable answering such personal questions, you can direct people to particular sites you believe do a solid job representing your take on the matter, or suggest they do a thorough search for themselves on the matter. You might even find it beneficial be prepared with some specific articles you've checked out and bookmarked in advance that resonate with your experience.

 

I know I don’t speak for everyone with anxiety. This is just my experience.

But I hope that by sharing it, I may help someone gain some insight and understanding into why anxious people are the way that we are.

 

 

 

Carrie Budd is a single mother with a passion for helping others, as well as the gifts of a sharp mind and raw sense of humor. Carrie discovered her knack for giving relationship advice while driving for Uber in a college-town, of all things, and she finds great joy in empowering women to find the strength to forge ahead when all hope seems lost.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 12 - Roller-Coaster

 Love and the Emotional Roller-Coaster

 

 

 

 

We all go through millions of emotions in our relationship, and those emotions create brainchemicals that change the way we feel. Sometimes we are in a positive frame of mind (hopefully most of the time), and other times we can be neutral or even having negative feelings about our partners and ourselves.

Being able to trust your lover with your feelings is part of having a great relationship. When you share something personal—perhaps that you are anxious about something at work—and your partner is supportive, it builds trust. It also gives you more strength to deal with whatever your issue is.

However, if your partner puts you down or is unsupportive, it can make you choose to be less communicative about sharing what you are feeling, both now and in the future. This is an unhealthy dynamic in any relationship and needs to be addressed to prevent damage or conflict.

 

When conflicts do occur, look at how you are speaking to one another. Certain words can act as triggers for conflict, so both of you need to be careful to avoid saying things that may be offensive or may cause either of you to react negatively or to shut down. If you know that certain words or phrases upset your partner and will trigger a conflict, avoid saying them and learn to speak from your heart, not from a place of anger.

 

If you become upset or angry, it can make things very difficult, and it’s also hard to trust someone who is mad at you. If emotional upset happens on a regular basis, your relationship will be unable to grow, and it will slowly degrade if you don’t find a way to be nice to each other again. That can be as simple as making the commitment that you are going to be kinder to the person you are sharing your life with. If you express your commitment out loud, I promise it will make a difference—and please look in each other’s eyes and feel your connection when you do.

One way to fulfill this new commitment is to make sure that you treat your partner better than you treat everyone else in your life, including other family members. This is not to say that you mistreat other people, but you need to make sure that your mate feels special from time to time. That’s really all it takes, and by doing this, your love will grow a little bit every day. It’s a great habit to develop together and will only make you feel closer.

Another tool for creating more closeness is to acknowledge when your partner does something that you find nice, attractive, or special. Validating your partner will strengthen your bond and make you feel closer to each other. We can’t relate in a vacuum, and if you want to create the happiness you both deserve, both of you need to show how much you care. Give it a try and let your positive emotions be your guide.

 

 

 

 

Myths and Facts About Depression

 

 

 

Myth: Hard Work Beats Depression

Depression affects nearly one in six people at some point in their lives, so folk remedies and half-truths about this common illness abound. One such idea: throw yourself into work and you'll feel better. For a mild case of the blues, this may indeed help, but depression is a different animal. Overworking can actually be a sign of clinical depression, especially in men.

 

 

 

Myth: It's Not a Real Illness

Depression is a serious medical condition -- and the top cause of disability in American adults. But it's still confused with ordinary sadness. Biological evidence of the illness comes from studies of genetics, hormones, nerve cell receptors, and brain functioning. Nerve circuits in brain areas that regulate mood appear to function abnormally in depression.

 

Fact: Men Fly Under the Radar

A depressed man, his loved ones, and even his doctor may not recognize depression. That's because men are less likely than women to talk about their feelings -- and some depressed men don't appear sad or down. Instead, men may be irritable, angry, or restless. They may even lash out at others. Some men try to cope with depression through reckless behavior, drinking, or drugs.

 

Myth: Depression Is Just Self-Pity

Our culture admires will power and mental toughness and is quick to label anyone who falls back as a whiner. But people who have clinical depression are not lazy or simply feeling sorry for themselves. Nor can they "will" depression to go away. Depression is a medical illness -- a health problem related to changes in the brain. Like other illnesses, it usually improves with appropriate treatment.

 

Fact: Anyone Can Get Depressed

Poet or linebacker, shy or outgoing, anyone from any ethnic background can develop depression. The illness is twice as common in women as in men, but it may be that women are more likely to seek help. It's often first noticed in the late teens or 20s, but an episode can develop at any age. Tough personal experiences can sometimes trigger depression in people who are at risk for the illness. Or it may develop out of the blue.

 

 

 

Fact: It Can Sneak Up Slowly

Depression can creep up gradually, which makes it harder to identify than a sudden illness. A bad day turns into a rut and you start skipping work, school, or social occasions. One type, called dysthymia, can last for years as a chronic, low-level illness – a malaise that silently undermines your career and relationships. Or depression can become a severe, disabling condition. With treatment, many feel substantial relief in 4-6 weeks.

 

 

Myth: Help Means Drugs for Life

Despite the buzz about a "Prozac Nation," medication is only one of the tools used to lift depression. Asking for help doesn't necessarily mean your doctor will advise medications, although medicines can often be very helpful for significant forms of depression. Studies suggest, though, that "talk" therapy works as well as drugs for mild to moderate depression. Even if you do use antidepressants, it probably won’t be for life. Your doctor will help you determine the right time to stop your medication

 

 

 

Myth: Depressed People Cry a Lot

Not always. Some people don't cry or even act terribly sad when they're depressed. Instead they are emotionally "blank" and may feel worthless or useless. Even without dramatic symptoms, untreated depression prevents people from living life to its fullest -- and takes a toll on families.

 

 

Fact: Family History Is Not Destiny

If depression appears in your family tree, you're more likely to get it too. But chances are you won't. People with a family history can watch for early symptoms of depression and take positive action promptly -- whether that means reducing stress, getting more exercise, counseling, or other professional treatment.

 

 

 

 

Myth: Depression Is Part of Aging

Most people navigate the challenges of aging without becoming depressed. But when it does occur, it may be overlooked. Older people may hide their sadness or have different, vague symptoms: food just doesn't taste good anymore, aches and pains worsen, or sleep patterns change. Medical problems can trigger depression in seniors -- and depression can slow recovery from a heart attack or surgery.

 

 

 

Fact: Depression Imitates Dementia

In seniors, depression can be the root cause of memory problems, confusion, and in some cases, delusions. Caregivers and doctors may mistake these problems for signs of dementia, or an age-related decline in memory. Getting treatment lifts the cloud for the majority of older people with depression. Psychotherapy can also be a useful part of treatment for older adults with depression who may be coping with loss, medical illnesses, or other life changes.

 

 

Myth: Talking Makes Things Worse

People were once advised not to "dwell on" problems by talking about them. Today, there's evidence that guided discussions with a professional can make things much better. Different types of psychotherapy help treat depression by addressing negative thought patterns, unconscious feelings, or relationship troubles. The first step is to talk to a mental health professional.

 

 

 

Fact: Positive Thinking May Help

The old advice to "accentuate the positive" has advanced into a practice that can ease depression. It’s called cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). People learn new ways of thinking and behaving. Distorted negative self-talk and behavior is identified and replaced with more accurate and balanced ways of thinking about yourself and the world. Used alone or with medication, CBT works for many people.

 

 

 

Myth: Teens Are Unhappy by Nature

Although many teens are moody, argumentative, and intrigued by "the dark side," prolongued sadness or irritability is not normal for teens. When unhappiness lasts more than two weeks, it may be a sign of depression -- which develops in about one in 11 teens. Other signs a teen may need help include: being constantly sad or irritable even with friends, taking no pleasure in favorite activities, or a sudden drop in grades.

 

 

Fact: Exercise Is Good Medicine

Very good studies now show that regular, moderately intense exercise can improve symptoms of depression and work as well as some medicines for people with mild to moderate depression. Exercising with a group or a good friend adds social support, another mood booster.

 

 

 

Myth: Depression Is Tough to Treat

The reality is most people who take action to lift their depression do get better. In a large study by the National Institute of Mental Health, 70% of people became symptom-free through medications -- though not always with the first medicine. Studies show that the best treatment is often a combination of medication and talk therapy.

 

 

Fact: It's Not Always Depression

Some life events cause sadness or disappointment, but do not become clinical depression. Grief is normal after a death, divorce, loss of a job, or diagnosis with a serious health problem. One clue of a need for treatment: the sadness is constant every day, most of the day. When people are weathering difficult times appropriately, they can usually be distracted or cheered up for short periods of time.

 

 

 

 

Fact: Hope for Better Days Is Real

In the depths of depression, people may think there's no hope for a better life. This hopelessness is part of the illness, not a reality. With treatment, positive thinking gradually replaces negative thoughts. Sleep and appetite improve as the depressed mood lifts. And people who've seen a counselor for talk therapy are equipped with better coping skills to deal with the stresses in life that can get you down.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Note: This happens from thoughts... they are playing a game
...

And I got it...

...

Got to a point which I thought I have already left...

 

 

 

 

 

 

What Are Anxiety Disorders?

 

 

 

Anxiety is a normal reaction to stress and can be beneficial in some situations. It can alert us to dangers and help us prepare and pay attention. Anxiety disorders differ from normal feelings of nervousness or anxiousness, and involve excessive fear or anxiety. Anxiety disorders are the most common of mental disorders and affect nearly 30 percent of adults at some point in their lives. . But anxiety disorders are treatable and a number of effective treatments are available. Treatment helps most people lead normal productive lives.

 

 

 

Anxiety refers to anticipation of a future concern and is more associated with muscle tension and avoidance behavior.

Fear is an emotional response to an immediate threat and is more associated with a fight or flight reaction – either staying to fight or leaving to escape danger.

Anxiety disorders can cause people into try to avoid situations that trigger or worsen their symptoms. Job performance, school work and personal relationships can be affected.

In general, for a person to be diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, the fear or anxiety must:

• Be out of proportion to the situation or age inappropriate
• Hinder your ability to function normally

There are several types of anxiety disorders, including generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, specific phobias, agoraphobia, social anxiety disorder and separation anxiety disorder.

 

 

Types of Anxiety Disorders

 

Generalized Anxiety Disorder

 

Generalized anxiety disorder involves persistent and excessive worry that interferes with daily activities. This ongoing worry and tension may be accompanied by physical symptoms, such as restlessness, feeling on edge or easily fatigued, difficulty concentrating, muscle tension or problems sleeping. Often the worries focus on everyday things such as job responsibilities, family health or minor matters such as chores, car repairs, or appointments.

 

Panic Disorder

 

The core symptom of panic disorder is recurrent panic attacks, an overwhelming combination of physical and psychological distress. During an attack several of these symptoms occur in combination:

• Palpitations, pounding heart or rapid heart rate
• Sweating
• Trembling or shaking
• Feeling of shortness of breath or smothering sensations
• Chest pain
• Feeling dizzy, light-headed or faint
• Feeling of choking
• Numbness or tingling
• Chills or hot flashes
• Nausea or abdominal pains
• Feeling detached
• Fear of losing control
• Fear of dying

Because symptoms are so severe, many people who experience a panic attack may believe they are having a heart attack or other life-threatening illness and may go to a hospital ER. Panic attacks may be expected, such as a response to a feared object, or unexpected, apparently occurring for no reason. The mean age for onset of panic disorder is 22-23. Panic attacks may occur with other mental disorders such as depression or PTSD.

Phobias, Specific Phobia

A specific phobia is excessive and persistent fear of a specific object, situation or activity that is generally not harmful. Patients know their fear is excessive, but they can’t overcome it. These fears cause such distress that some people go to extreme lengths to avoid what they fear. Examples are fear of flying or fear of spiders.

 

Agoraphobia

 

Agoraphobia is the fear of being in situations where escape may be difficult or embarrassing, or help might not be available in the event of panic symptoms. The fear is out of proportion to the actual situation and lasts generally six months or more and causes problems in functioning. A person with agoraphobia experiences this fear in two or more of the following situations:

• Using public transportation
• Being in open spaces
• Being in enclosed places
• Standing in line or being in a crowd
• Being outside the home alone

The individual actively avoids the situation, requires a companion or endures with intense fear or anxiety. Untreated agoraphobia can become so serious that a person may be unable to leave the house. A person can only be diagnosed with agoraphobia if the fear is intensely upsetting, or if it significantly interferes with normal daily activities.

 

Social Anxiety Disorder (previously called social phobia)

 

A person with social anxiety disorder has significant anxiety and discomfort about being embarrassed, humiliated, rejected or looked down on in social interactions. People with this disorder will try to avoid the situation or endure it with great anxiety. Common examples are extreme fear of public speaking, meeting new people or eating/drinking in public. The fear or anxiety causes problems with daily functioning and lasts at least six months.

 

Separation Anxiety Disorder

 

A person with separation anxiety disorder is excessively fearful or anxious about separation from those with whom he or she is attached. The feeling is beyond what is appropriate for the person’s age, persists (at least four weeks in children and six months in adults) and causes problems functioning. A person with separation anxiety disorder may be persistently worried about losing the person closest to him or her, may be reluctant or refuse to go out or sleep away from home or without that person, or may experience nightmares about separation. Physical symptoms of distress often develop in childhood, but symptoms can carry though adulthood.

 

Risk Factors

 

The causes of anxiety disorders are currently unknown but likely involve a combination of factors including genetic, environmental, psychological and developmental. Anxiety disorders can run in families, suggesting that a combination of genes and environmental stresses can produce the disorders.

 

Diagnosis and Treatment

 

The first step is to see your doctor to make sure there is no physical problem causing the symptoms. If an anxiety disorder is diagnosed, a mental health professional can work with you on the best treatment. Unfortunately, many people with anxiety disorders don’t seek help. They don’t realize that they have an illness that has effective treatments.

Although each anxiety disorder has unique characteristics, most respond well to two types of treatment: psychotherapy, or “talk therapy,” and medications. These treatments can be given alone or in combination. Cognitive behavior therapy (CBT), a type of talk therapy, can help a person learn a different way of thinking, reacting and behaving to help feel less anxious. Medications will not cure anxiety disorders, but can give significant relief from symptoms. The most commonly used medications are anti-anxiety medications (generally prescribed only for a short period of time) and antidepressants. Beta-blockers, used for heart conditions, are sometimes used to control physical symptoms of anxiety.

 

Self-Help, Coping, and Managing

 

There are a number of things people do to help cope with symptoms of anxiety disorders and make treatment more effective. Stress management techniques and meditation can be helpful. Support groups (in-person or online) can provide an opportunity to share experiences and coping strategies. Learning more about the specifics of a disorder and helping family and friends to understand better can also be helpful. Avoid caffeine, which can worsen symptoms, and check with your doctor about any medications.

 

 

 

 

30 Reasons People With Anxiety Can't Fall Asleep At Night

 

 

 

 

When you're anxious, even bed is a battlefield.

According to my mom, I've been cursed with anxiety since I was an infant. I cried and fussed and fretted in a way that surpassed colic.

"You were the only stressed out newborn I have ever seen," my mom pleasantly likes to add.

 

 

That didn't change as I grew up...

 

At least, not until I was somewhere around 12-years-old, discovered the self-soothing wonders of Chapstick, and turned the skin around my lips into an unusually bright red, raw, and terrifying version of real-life clown paint — only I wasn't smiling. I was panicking, and everyone could tell.

I wasn't diagnosed as, like, medically anxious AF until I was a teenager. And even then, having a diagnosis assigned to my racing thoughts and constant nerves didn't soothe me as much as make me feel like a certified, creepy weirdo.

 

Thankfully, at that point, I no longer had clown lips, so at least it was easier for me to blend in with the "normals"... at least, to a certain extent. 

But it wasn't until I was a full-fledged adult and I started talking about my worries in earnest that I realized just how NOT weird a thing it is to have an anxiety disorder of any kind. In fact, the more I shared my experiences, the more I heard people say to me in response, "ME TOO, GIRL! ME TOO!" 

 

When you have anxiety, falling asleep is one of the toughest activities out there.

 

You know you need to sleep. You know it will do your body and the mind inside of that body a world of good. But you just can't shut it down.

Your mind is trapped in a spin cycle of hellish regrets, embarrassing memories, and existential dread.

 

 

 

 

It's like you showed up to a rave and had a really bad reaction to the drugs, so while everyone else is rocking out hardcore 1990s style, you remain stuck in one place, sitting like a statue and questioning every single life choice you've ever made. Like, ever.

There aren't enough days in a year to list all of the things that have ever kept my anxious mind awake at night, but I can absolutely share just a few. If you're at all like me (or if you're close to someone who is), I'm sure at least one or two of the items on these items will inspire you to give me a mental high-five from one anxious person to another.

 

Without further ado, please enjoy these 30 things that trigger my anxiety so hard that I cannot fall asleep at night: 

 

1. Remembering that time I said "Hell" when didn't realize my 6th-grade science teacher was standing right behind me. 

2. How I once said, "You, too!" to a movie theater employee after they ripped my ticket and told me to enjoy the show. 

3. That time I was alone in an elevator that smelled like farts and then someone else got on and I blushed because I knew they thought it was I who dealt it. 

4. When the dean of my grad school went in for a hug at graduation... just as I was putting out my hand. 

5. The inevitability of death. 

 

6. How my mom once found a vibrator in my dresser and called me to ask if I had "any questions."

 

7. When my roommate walked in on me masturbating to "adult cinema."

8. That time I was temping and I forgot what my boss looked like and I asked him if he'd seen himself when his car arrived to pick him up. (Oh, God.) 

9. I went to the doctor convinced I was having a heart attack and it turned out it was just a panic attack so she patted my arm in the MOST condescending way of all time.

 

10. When I gave my dad the finger behind his back... and my mom totally saw it. 

 

11. When I got caught doing a thick Italian accent for my landlord — by an actual Italian. 

12. How I said "Hi" just a beat too late to my boss when we passed in the hallway this morning.

13. That time I used a public bathroom and issued a massive fart that surprised everyone, including myself, and how I waited in the stall for a full twenty minutes before emerging, so deep was my shame. 

14. Worrying about how I'm going to afford the bite guard that I'm supposed to buy to stop me from grinding my teeth.

15. The obvious fact that grinding your teeth will lead to premature death. 

 

 

 

 

16. My deep need to listen to my boyfriend's heart when he's sleep, just to make sure he isn't dead. 

17. That bad dream I keep having that I can't finish a project at work. 

18. Donald Trump. 

19. South Korea.

 

20. The fact that my parents are one day going to die and OH MY GOD I CAN'T EVEN TYPE ANYTHING ELSE ABOUT THAT!

21. My plans for a rigorous new exercise regime that I will (never) begin the next day in order to control my anxiety.

22. Worrying that my last tweet was offensive. 

 

23. That time I was introduced to a colleague's group of friends and said, "What a great little group," before realizing one of those friends was an actual little person.

24. Trying to decide whether or not I should move. 

25. My need to probe my body for cancerous lumps on a regular basis. 

26. Writing my Oscar acceptance speech wherein I perfectly verbally eviscerate all of my enemies.

 

27. The lingering concern over whether or not I remembered to bolt the door. 

28. The near-constant fear that my cat is no longer in the house or is somehow in the midst of eating a hastily discarded packet of silica. 

29. My incessant attempts to interpreting what eight million different things my boss could have meant when she replied to my email with, "OK." 

30. The dreaded (and entirely realistic) possibility that I will never, ever actually fall asleep again. 

 

 

Note: Is it even possible
...

I mean the 30 Reason!?

...

Sounds foolish... just a little bit

 

 

 

 

Hi Deyth,

Mindset:

The first and most important mindset is that women like older
men.

Over the past 200-plus years, the United States government has
been taking statistics for the age of couples getting married.
Every year, there is a slightly wider gap between the ages of
women and men who marry each other. That's right; women have
ALWAYS gone for older men.

There are evolutionary reasons for this.

Women are programmed to seek security and safety, which provide
the best means to raise a child, and it's a safe bet that an
older man will have increased world knowledge, and other
important assets including personal skills and greater life
experience.

Society seems to force the view that it's older men who are
chasing younger women, and that may be true to some extent,
in more cases it's the women who are looking to date older men.

The second part of the proper mindset is knowing that if you
dedicate yourself to pickup and really get into it, within
two years you will be having more fun with women, and enjoying
more sex than most guys get in their entire lifetime.

The average guy only has sex with 4-7 women in his entire
lifetime, although that's certainly not the story that the
media seems to push onto guys.

That means you can be a virgin at 50, and as long as you're
able to fight through your internal barriers, change your
beliefs and ideas, and take action, within a few years (or
even months) you can have a lifetime worth of fun.

The key idea is to get started straight away, and lose the
EXCUSES.

Treat the next few months as practice, and tell yourself
that it will be a fun learning experience. Don't ever think
that it's "too late," or that you've struggled with women
for too long for you to make a dramatic change.

If you have the mindset that you still have plenty of time
left--and the truth is, you do--you are likely to take action
and feel less guilty and filled with regret (big energy
killers).

You'll be more relaxed, and you're more likely to STAY
motivated.

On the other hand, if you feel anxious and urgent because you
"need to make up for lost time," women are going to smell
that desperation like cheap cologne.

Real Techniques:

1. Convey Youth

How you convey your age is more important than the number of
years you've been on this planet.

By this, I mean be happy, have a youthful smile, and enjoy
life.

And certainly look at your jeans. (Yes, I'm serious!)

In fact, go and look at some new jeans this week. I always
see older guys wearing totally unfashionable jeans, and it's
one of the most obvious indicators that they have an old,
out-of-touch mentality.

Also take a cold, hard look at your hairstyle and wardrobe,
and look to update them a bit.

If you are happy, carefree, and loving life--and your
wardrobe and personal style convey a youthful, fashionable
edge--this is bound to make younger women notice.

2. Be Fun

I often coach older guys who are a bit too serious.

Picture four young women out on Friday night, having a good
time, relaxing after a big week at work. They just want to
kick back and have fun with a few drinks.

If a guy starts talking with them about serious topics that
lower their energy level, it's just not going to fly.

Women generally like older guys because they provide much
more interesting conversation, and because they're not
predictable and one-dimensional like younger guys often are.

The typical 25-year-old woman is more emotionally mature
than the guys her age, and for this reason, she often finds
herself more intrigued by older men.

But there is a time and a place for being serious.

Imagine what it feels like when you go from working hard at
your job for months on end, and then taking a holiday and
kicking back on a beach.

This is the laidback, carefree type of energy you want to
bring to your interactions with younger women.

If you are having trouble lightening up and chilling out
when you get involved in conversations with women, take a
closer look at your reality and your lifestyle.

If your reality and lifestyle are completely filled with
work and seriousness, then it can be pretty difficult to
instantly switch into "fun" mode when you're out meeting
women.

"Serious" guys tend to watch serious movies and television
shows (including a lot of TV news and politics, which can
be quite depressing), and listen to music that isn't in
tune with the tastes of the younger generation.

I suggest you switch up the types of shows, movies and
music that you normally feel comfortable with.

Try some TV shows like "Scrubs," "Curb Your Enthusiasm,"
and "The Office," which aren't particularly deep or
meaningful but are laugh-out-loud funny.

Buy some magazines that are playful and fun.

Listen to some music that is new and maybe a little trashy.

This also gives you fun conversational topics to talk to
women about. That hot 25-year-old babe at the bar might
know a surprising amount about politics, but that doesn't
mean she wants to talk about it when she's unwinding with
a few drinks.

Save the deeper discussions for once you're dating her.

Her first impression of you should be fun, playful and
youthful.

Some guys need to make a concerted effort to add some
light stuff into their reality, so that being playful
and relaxed around women isn't such a challenge.

When you talk to your friends, make an effort to not dwell
on the serious stuff, and get in the habit of just being
able to talk about stuff that is not that important and
does not matter in the big picture of things.

3. Go Out

As guys get older, their social circles tend to shrink.
Your friends get married, have kids, and are immersed in
their own lives.

Or maybe you've moved recently and haven't developed much
of a social scene in your new city. Perhaps you just don't
go out much anymore, because you feel a little too "old"
to be hanging around at the bars and clubs like you used to.

This may seem obvious, but you must get out of the house
and make an effort to socialize.

Maybe combine your socializing with an interest or hobby.

Personal development groups always seem to be filled with
attrac.tive women.

If you've always been shy, then it's time to shake that
off and become more social. Make it one of your goals to
make at least two people feel good about themselves, every
week.

This will lead to a multitude of friends, and people
liking you.

Break any patterns of judging people, or staying in your
shell, and make an effort to say hello and make friendships.

You'd be surprised how easy it is to do once you get started.

Specific Age-Related Issues:

Do you lie about your age, or tell the truth?

It's best to tell the truth, but in my opinion, you don't
have to tell her your age straight away.

Women may want all the information on you immediately, but
you don't have a responsibility to tell her everything
upfront and in the first few minutes, or even hours.

Use intrigue, and reveal things about yourself over time.

If every time she hangs out with you, you reveal some new
talent or hobby of yours, she'll be endlessly curious
and interested in knowing more about you.

This is much more effective than reeling off your list of
accomplishments and interests in the first thirty minutes
you spend talking to her.

Women will often use standard job interview-type questions
when they first meet a man--such as your age, your job,
where you live, etc.

It's better to bypass this "Q&A" and engage women on a fun,
more creative level. Stimulate that side of her, and
don't cater to her analytical and probing side--where
she's asking the questions, you're trying to come up with
the "right" answers, and she's running it all through her
mental computer and figuring out whether you're the type
of guy she should be interested in.

Now if you're reading this right now and you
would like to learn more 'secrets' on how to get a younger
woman to come home with you AND come inside with you after
a date, how to get her "turned on", and how to smoothly take
things to a "physical level" in a way that she'll enjoy.

 

 

 

 

 

P.S. - Here is the truth... there isn't a good or bad thought... it's just a idea of it... in reality it doesn't exist ... this whole thing is very well explained from Noah Elkrief. As for second

We all play a game (I have been around plenty of material starting from articles up to books and even videos and audiobooks... and let's sum it... audiobooks and audio material (Under audio material... I mean courses...)
...

All of them say that Male figure needs to start play a game... start doing that and that... there some rules... Like not obsessing... getting more girls around which is going to improve confidece... looking busy and the list goes on.

...

The same is for girls or ladies... said.. now I am following a channel... A youtube one...

 

 

 

 

P.S. - Which telling women how they should behave... what should they do... how they should own it and in the end... who is really the pro and who is just the bot in this whole game?
...

Come on we can't all be pro?
...

or here it's all about how good do you play this game...

..

If she says something like

She: "I can't today... why you didn't say it... bit early?"
Or
She: "I won't come... thanks for invitation..."
...

Does this mean you are a good player or not...

...

This questions are damn good... I will continue go over the material and keep you in touch for more...

Chapter 13 - Roller-Coaster (Part 2)

 Note: When you talk to someone... you either create a value or you either create a damage... to get into this shit... you need to understand both POV's.

 

 

Hey friend,

Welcome to the Ultimate Eye Contact Exercise.
If you want to learn how to have natural, attractive, and high-status eye contact, then this

exercise is probably the most important exercise you can find on this subject.
We call it the Ultimate Eye Contact Exercise.
But before we go into the exercise…
Why is eye contact so important?
The eyes are the windows to the soul, and they never lie. Women will trust your eyes even
more than your body language. They will look in your eyes to see if you are the real deal.
So if you don’t know how to keep eye contact in a high-status way, then she won’t trust you

and you’ll lose her. If you can’t keep eye contact the proper way, it doesn’t matter how good
your dating skills are, or how many tricks or techniques you use—they simply won’t work.

But if you do know how to keep deep, relaxed, confident eye contact, then she’ll trust you
and you will have won half the battle.
Also, it has been scientifically proven that looking a woman in the eyes builds both attraction
and a connection at the same time. Therefore, it’s the easiest, fastest, most efficient, most
guaranteed way to build attraction and connection with women.
Knowing how to keep good eye contact is also a sign of high status, and women are very
attracted to high-status men.
This exercise will help you with more than getting women. Knowing how to have high-status
eye contact will also help you in business and other areas of your life.
In short, if you know how to maintain good eye contact, you’ll be able to attract amazing
women into your life, you’ll have more power and control, and you’ll be more successful.
If you don’t know how to maintain good eye contact, you’ll push women (and people in
general) away, you’ll have less influence, and you’ll experience more failures in life.
What keeps men from having good eye contact?
There are basically two reasons why we are not good at eye contact.
The first reason is that eye contact can create tension, and if we don’t know how to handle
that tension we’ll try to break it by breaking eye contact.
The second reason is attention. We sometimes break eye contact because we can’t keep our
attention focused on one thing. In this case, a person’s eyes.
The exercise you are about to learn is probably the most powerful eye contact exercise you’ll
ever find.
It solves both the tension and the attention problem.
Here’s how it works.
The Ultimate Eye Contact Exercise
Every morning you need to do the following exercise five times for 60 seconds each time:
 Turn on your TV (or your laptop, if you don’t have a TV).
 Turn the sound “off”.
 Put an object on top of your TV. A small object is fine. For example, you could use
the remote control. But anything will do.
 Stand or sit in front of your TV, and pick a spot on that object that’s on top of your TV.
 Now focus on that spot and really zoom in on that spot for 60 seconds.
 After those 60 seconds, distract yourself by doing something else and then do the
exercise again for 60 seconds. Do this five times every morning.
Here’s what you can expect when you do this exercise
When you do this, you’ll probably get distracted. When that happens, don’t get upset about it.
It’s normal. It’s difficult to stay focused for 60 seconds. Just catch yourself when your
attention drifts away, and refocus on the object.
You’ll also feel tension in your body. Keep the tension inside and dominate it. You can also
breathe and make the energy move through your body to release the tension.
After you get really good at this exercise, you can then do the same exercise but turn on the
volume on the TV.
If you do this exercise three times in the morning every day for three weeks, you won’t have
any problems maintaining eye contact anymore.
You will be able to keep eye contact like a real Introverted Badass.
Here’s to your success!
We believe in you.
Your friend,
Nick Neeson

 

 

 

Note: And now going over my email and wondering what I have got out there and so far I what i got... is buy products... by-products.

 

 

 

How to approach hot women in the street...

 

 

DeYtH direct approaches involve stopping a woman in the street and going in with high energy, high confidence.

You do this to let her know that you like the way she looks and you want to find out if her personality matches. This is a balls out approach that requires serious commitment and rhinoceros thick skin.

There is nothing you can do that will allow you to learn, develop and get better at this shit than direct cold approach.

Back when I first started in Game I would approach 20 women a day and get 20 straight rejections in a row.

I would fall into bed a destroy tiny mouse of a man and get up in the morning and go do it all over again.

Man, my soul is scarred to the core by the torture I put myself through.

But unless it hurts you are not developing.

Remember, your comfort zone is a beautiful place but NOTHING grows there!

The Hard Truths of Approach
So here are some hard truths about making direct cold approaches: they are formidable and terrifying.

Particularly if you’re attempting to hook up with a girl that evening.

When you approach women. You are essentially approaching a total stranger and trying to persuade them that they should be interested in pursuing a relationship with you in a matter of hours.

Sounds impossible right?

It’s not and as with everything else in life, it’s 80% about your level of confidence.

Indirect approaches still involves talking to strangers. But you open with an innocent conversation and slowly let her know you are interested.

The temptation for all guys new to game is to go straight to indirect.

Because it is a lot less scary.

But I strongly advise that you do not take the path of least resistance. I am only good at indirect approaches today because for years I put my sack in the firing line and invited women to stab them with blunt instruments.

Please don’t think I have gone prisoner level kink on you, I am speaking completely metaphorically!

Warm approaches, on the other hand, involve meeting women you at least have some connection to, which can speed up building rapport and lessen the chances of getting turned down or rejected right from the get-go.

They’re demonstrably easier, but the downside is you are not in control of when these easy opportunities turn up in your life.

So you could reasonably ask: why even do cold approaches at all?
Well to start with: you’re not always going to have a social circle at the ready. If you’ve just moved to a new town, you’re not necessarily going to have that network of friends and friends-of-friends to introduce you to the girls they know.

In addition, your social circle may not be all that sizable or well connected. Not everybody’s group of friends is going to be filled by super friendly extroverts who know dozens of people for you to get to know.

If you are over the age of 30 you may find that your network of friends all seem to be in long-term relationships.

You don’t want to end up with there average looking single friend. Just because they feel sorry for you both.

This situation is a compromise that fails for everyone involved.

There will be lots of times when you will stumble across some hot stranger with no link to your real life.

The girl who sits across from you in your Conversational French lesson.

Or maybe the stunning woman with the amazing eyes you see weekly at the Mall. Or the adorable bookworm scanning the Personal Development section of Barnes And Noble.

Do you have the confidence to approach anywhere?
Having the ability, skill and confidence to go up and strike up a conversation. This means fewer missed opportunities to meet the girl of your dreams.

Additionally, cold approaches have to do with more than just getting dates or trying to get more sex.

Being able to build relationships with complete strangers is a critical component of ‘Game’ in general.

When you become a master of cold approaching you will find you can also nail job interviews with ease.

Your unusually high self-confidence and self-esteem will ooze through every answer you offer to their questions.

If you become skilled at building relationships with people you’ve never met before.

Envision how much easier it’s going to be to charm the pants off the hot new girl at work!

 

 

 

Simple Ways To Overcome The Fear Of Talking To Women

 

 

 

Fear Of Talking To Women?

 

In all areas of life you get back what you give out. This rule is no truer than when you are approaching a woman you are attracted to. If you approach in a nervous and timid way you are going to get the same level of indifference back. Maybe she will fob you off with the old ‘I have a boyfriend’ response or perhaps she won’t even waste her time by stopping and entertaining your limp approach.

Conversely, if you talk to a girl from a position of high energy / high self-confidence you get a good proportion of that enthusiasm returned to you by the girl. So with that truth in mind how do we get ourselves into the right frame to be successful in our approaches?

I am afraid the answer is messy, gruesome and as a consequence innocent little goats must die, well not quite. I don’t care who the PUA is or how experienced at ‘game’ he claims to be. When any guy goes out approaching girls the first couple of attempts are going to blow chunks. He will say something lame, come across creepy, stumble over his words and generally be a bit of a choad about the whole thing.

The secret to success is to understand this is a natural and unavoidable part of the process. So much so that it is commonly referred to as ‘sacrificing the goats’. During bootcamp, we start each day by deliberately going through this process. I will give you the same two or three routines that I give to my students – you can pick one or use a combination of them to sacrifice your goats before you get your game face on.

 

Reject me bitch

 

Your goal here is to get rejected as spectacularly as possible. This requires you to jump in at the deep end but nothing works quite so well to blow the cobwebs out of your ‘game’. We all worry that we are going to say something stupid or stumble over our words and so with this exercise you are going to remove all doubt about that eventuality. We decide in advance that we are going to say something stupid so there is no point worrying about it happening.

Ross Jefferies (the father of Speed Seduction) even suggests saying things as nonsensical as ‘Hey, what’s your favorite flavor of bowling ball’?

 

On bootcamp occasionally guys will still come back with a number – despite how lame they were trying to be. A phone number is not success in this exercise, come back with her number and I will frown at you and send you right back out there for another go. You must keep doing this until you have three rejections in the bag.

 

The Smiler Challenge

 

Your objective here is to have three interactions with people (male or female) and make them smile. You can compliment them on the way they are dressed or even how they have their hair – the only rules are you must have a genuine conversation with them that lasts at least sixty seconds. This is an amazing exercise because your whole objective is to make people feel a little better than before you met them. In accordance with the rule of getting back what you give this has the corresponding effect of filling your head with feel-good dopamine.

Here are a few examples of ‘Smiler’ approaches that I have done that still stick in my mind.

1. In Hull, England I was in a shopping mall and I saw an old war veteran sitting on a bench. He was smartly dressed in an elegant suit with all his medals proudly pinned to his chest. His shoes were as polished as his army boots were during World War II. I sat down and spent twenty minutes listening to his heroics in the war – it was a genuine pleasure to speak to him and I could tell he was over the moon for the opportunity to tell his stories.
2. Another one I remember was in a deli on Wall Street, New York. A larger than life African, an American woman was ordering a sandwich from the counter and she had the most beautiful voice I have ever heard come out of another human being. It was like listening to warm chocolate – simply beautiful. I ordered my own sandwich and then chased after her to tell her that I was in love with her voice. There is no doubt about it, I made her day – which in turn made my day!

 

I don’t care you are just a goat

 

Pretty simple – you make three approaches in rapid succession and you accept from the outset that they are going to be terrible. Your goal here is not getting a number, not getting a positive response but rather getting to number three. The title of this exercise is purely based on what I say to myself every time I do this in the field.

As I am walking away from a girl – regardless of what happened I am thinking ‘I don’t care you are just goat number 2 – now, where is goat number 3’?

This process of warming up may seem a little silly but just as a champion athlete would never dream of competing without stretching and preparing his body for the race.

Similarly, we must warm up our brains, mouths, and posture before going after the prize. Giving yourself permission to fail takes the pressure off and allows you to ease into the correct mindset rather than always be jumping into a freezing cold pool and swimming for your life.

 

 

How to Build Your Confidence and Win at Your Date

 

 

 

 

Are you hesitant to approach women and talk to them out because you just don’t how to?

Is self-esteem your number one problem when it comes to dating?

You’re not alone.

In fact, so many men that don’t know how to be confident around girls struggle with low self-esteem and shyness. As a result, they won’t even start a conversation from fear of rejection.

 

The Truth Is…

 

That it doesn’t have to be this way. You can build your self-confidence and be relaxed in the company of any woman if you embrace a few simple changes.

For example, some of the most confident guys out there can easily charm any woman just because they’ve learned how to effectively communicate with them.

So if you want to master communication, you need to socialize with all kinds of people – not just women – as much as possible. But at the same time, try to be a good listener.

 

Keep reading to discover the best ways to overcome your shyness and boost your self-esteem around women.

 

The Best Tips on How to Be Confident Around Girls

Start by Taking One Step At A Time

 

The first step to learning how to be confident around girls is to take it one step at a time.

Don’t expect things to change overnight. Remember, self-esteem is a result of dedicated inner work and practice.

So if you’re not ready to approach the girl you’re interested in, start chatting up with interesting people around the bar. This way, you’ll break the ice. Then, when you feel ready, you can start talking to her.

As for the pickup lines, be original and avoid the cheesy, textbook ones.

For example, give the girl an honest compliment or ask her how her day was. Anything that’ll show her you’re genuinely interested in what she has to say is a bonus.

Also, bear in mind that self-confidence can only be faked to a certain point. There’s a difference between healthy self-esteem and having an inflated sense of self-worth.

 

Be a Good Listener

 

If you’ve made it past the initial sentence, you should get the conversation flowing further.

Women love to talk, but you should know how to listen. For example, don’t interrupt her, don’t look away or stare at your phone. Also, try to follow-up with questions related to the conversation.

When you talk about yourself, don’t drag your story to eternity. Women don’t like the humble-brag types of men.

 

Don’t Be Hard on Yourself

 

In the dating game, both men and women are prone to rejection. And this is completely normal in social interactions of all kinds.

However, men with low self-esteem have a tendency to take rejection personally. This can stop them from trying again.

If you get rejected by a girl you like, don’t let this discourage you. In fact, you should realize that each rejection leads you to a potentially great girl.

 

Work on Your Body Language

 

Besides your verbal language, you should also pay attention to your body language. Non-verbal communication can say a lot about you, even if you’re not actively trying to.

So stand in front of the mirror and take a look at your posture. If you’re slouchy and don’t make eye contact, your body sends the message that you don’t want to be bothered. And if you’re trying to learn how to be confident around girls, you need to be open.

The way you sit when you talk to a girl can speak volumes about how relaxed you are. So if your body is away from her, it’ll give her the impression that you’re not interested.

Crossing your arms or keeping them in your pockets can give the impression of shyness.

Also, what you do with your hands and how you react to conversations are other big cues. Nail-biting, fidgeting, constantly touching your hair or face are big no-nos if you want to show confidence.

 

Be More Assertive

 

Women are attracted to assertive men.

But if you’re shy, you can practice this by ordering a drink for the girl, or lead the conversation.

Another example is suggesting going to a different place or asking her for a second date. Even having a strong opinion on a certain topic and elaborating it counts as assertiveness.

Being more open and outgoing comes with time and practice, so have patience with yourself and keep trying.

 

Try To Be Yourself

 

This goes without saying, but being someone you’re not won’t do you any favors. Being confident in who you really are as a person means you’re comfortable with your virtues and flaws.

And the women who are ready to get to know you better will gladly do so.

Of course, this doesn’t mean you should tell her your entire life story on the first date. Uncover details about yourself little by little. However, don’t let it be the only topic of conversation.

Women appreciate authentic men who are comfortable in their own skin.

 

Dress to Impress

 

Sure, this is a cliche, but looking put together and being well-groomed can boost your self-confidence significantly.

This is because the right clothes can actually make you feel better about yourself. And more importantly, women are attracted to well-dressed men.

But this doesn’t mean you should wear things that make you feel uncomfortable. Find your most basic sense of style and work around that. Dress for the occasion and always wear clean, ironed clothes.

Get regular haircuts, keep your beard neat and maintain a high level of personal hygiene.

 

Bottom Line

 

The process of learning how to be confident around girls has its own challenges, but it’s also a rewarding experience.

You’ll learn new things about yourself, but also about other people, especially women.

You’ll see they’re not some mystical creatures playing hard to get (though there are those too). And that the most important card up your sleeve is the desire to talk to a woman, have fun with her and not overthink things.

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 21.06.2018

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