A glitch in to a guy’s mind.


Chapter One
One firm big hand squeezes my waist and I jump up in surprise to hear a gaggle of laughter from behind me. I turn, and there’s Jamie.
“Oh it’s you,” I sigh folding my arms around him. He rests his chin on my head and starts making a clicking noise with his tongue as though he’s bored. I let go and step back.
“So...”
“I’m just going outside, thought I’d say Hi cause you were, you know, near the door,”
“Right, of course,” I lean up to plant a quick kiss on his mouth but he steps back and gives me one of those ‘Kay’ nods and wanders towards the exit that leads in to the quad where he stops, and lingers a second before turning around and locking eyes with me. I don’t tingle, or feel anything spectacular as his stare sears through me, but, I do smile, and, as the corners of my mouth hit their curve, he turns away and dashes outside toward his friends. He used to dash towards me. Not run away. I don’t understand why he treats me like this. Things were going really well then suddenly they changed. I guess It's my own fault for having too higher expectations of a first relationship. Especially when it's with Jamie, who, unfortunately, has got a bit of a reputation of a ladies man. I say unfortunately, but it still manages to charm me on occasion, so it can't be all bad. I feel like a bit of a mug, putting up with this day afer day, and I'm not the only one. The most common chat up line I get from the opposite sex is 'You know i'll treat you better than Jamie'. When this happens, I of course slap the dick who said it round the face, although, deep down I know it's true, and that all of those guys will probably make me feel royally treated in comparison to a date with Jamie. But, alas, I'm too much of a woos to let him go. I tell myself that I'd rather be with him and unhappy 50% of the time, than be without him and be unhappy 100% of the time. After all, who wants to be lonely.

I'm considering this, the idea of spending months of Saturdays eating ice cream in bed (This is what I see my way of handling a break up being) when Lisa appears behind me squeezing my arm to snap me out of my gormless state, but unfortunately not changing the subject.
‘I seriously don’t know why you still take his rubbish' she begins. 'You know who I heard likes you?’
'Who?' I sigh and pick up my rucksack from the locker bench.
'Johny Laker!' Johny Laker isn't one of those guys in movies that is in the year above and plays for the top american football team if that's your first thought. Johny Laker is just insanely hot and smokes weed all day, he's in the 'bit of rough never hurts' category- as my mother would put it. He has only dated a couple people, I imagine it's because he's secretly eighteen and repeating his GCSEs because he failed them from being high in his exams; and is therefore old enough to get in to bars, where, I imagine, he picks up many one night stands. (That's just a theory though.)
'I mean, he doesn't like anybody! and seriously, imagine going on a date with him... he'd probably turn up with withered roses and take you to a rooftop in the dark,' Lisa is saying whilst shoving a snickers bar in to her mouth. (She is one of those lucky girls who eats bin bags of food yet manages to keep tiny. Well, except her ass.)
'That doesn't sound very romantic Lisa,'
'Well, serves you right for expecting too much of a perfect man!' She tosses her wrapper in to the nearest bin and starts rummaging through her bag for yet more food. Out comes a pot of pasta.
'Well, No,' I protest. 'This sounds more like a set up for a rape,' Lisa chews her pasta, swallows then looks around for any ease-droppers.
'Okay, I know your all anti sex and all, but come on, you wouldn't say No if you saw Johny Laker laying naked on your bed,' A big grin spreads across her face and she raises her eyebrows up and down speedilly as if you tease 'Would you? Would you? Would you?'. She'll be tickling me next.
'When did you become so non anti-sex huh?' I tease back and pinch and snatch the fork from her mouth just as she's about to put the pasta in her tunnel of a gob.
'I.. er.. I,' her eyes have gone huge and her cheeks have flamed flamingo pink.
'I was joking,' I inform her and my eyebrows raise. She smooths down her hair then calmly reaches out for the fork. I snatch it away. 'What's happened?' I ask her.
'Nothing, just give me my fork,' she whines.
'What's happened?' I repeat. She steps back and looks at me, worry is fixed upon her face. After a few seconds of frowning she sighs and leans in so her lips are by my ear.
'Lets just say,' I can tell her teeth are gritted through the whisper. 'I'm no mary'. She steps back and looks away, not wanting to see my judging face, which, I imagine is not judgemental at all, but simply blank with shock.
'Well, I wasn't expecting that,'
'It's very recent,' she says, turning back to face me. At that moment, the bell rings.
'How recent?' I ask her as I throw my backpack over my shoulder.
'Look, I'll explain later. Are you coming over tonight? Friday is for friends and food right?' I breathe through my nose to collect myself then give her a nod.
'Okay, Great. See you after Spanish then, bye,' She hauls her pasta pot in the bin then scurries away before I can even ask the most important question... 'WHO THE HELL GOT IN TO YOUR KNICKERS?'


I'd spent most of the day thinking about the gossip I'd received at break time. It was just so weird that Lisa had got down to it before I had, when I was the one who'd been in a serious relationship for five months. Then again, Jamie and I had never even spoken about sex, though, we rarely spoke at all nowadays. All the thoughts bubbling up inside made me really want to talk to him about our relationship. Where it stood, how we could move forward. If I was ready. I hoped to find him standing outside my english class to meet for lunch, but there was no sign of him, or Lisa for that matter. I seemed to be struggling with relationships at the moment. No one wants to talk to me .

I was for that reason that I was surprised to see Jamie waiting by my bus. He's not wearing school uniform, which is odd. I wonder if he went home at lunch and changed for some reason... I wander over to him and he sweeps me in to his arms, something I definitely wasn’t expecting. “Babe,” He grins. “I’m sorry about earlier, I was feeling a bit weird you know, Off colour? BUT I can make up for it, how does nando’s sound, I know you love the carrot cake?” I stroke his Superdry t-shirt, the material is soft, and I can smell his cologne on the fabric from when he's sprayed it by his neck and the particles of scent have twinkled down and landed on his chest.
“Oh, well I can’t tonight,” I say, looking up at him. His eyes are focused on me, but distant. Things have been this way for a while.
“No I know, figured you’d have girl plans, but tomorrow?” he smiles at me in a way that leaves me no choice to say no.
“ Al right, Why not!” I grin and give him a big squeeze. I notice how he's grown and that my face no longer nuzzles right against his chest. I step away frowning and his hand moves to my chin, tilting it up.
'What's up with my girl? mm?'
'You've grown,'
'So?' he laughs.
'Well, way to go and make me feel even shorter,'
'Ahh, baby doll you're fine just the way you are,' He leans down and plants a kiss on me so wet, that I feel as though a dog has just licked my face. I laugh and wipe his kiss away with my palm, then wipe that saliva coated palm on his shirt. Suddenly, the bus engine roars and sends us both jumping several feet off the ground.
“Think that’s you’re queue to get on gorgeous,”
“I’m walking to Lisa’s”
“Want me to walk with you?” He asks taking my hand, and reminding me why I don’t listen to Lisa or any of the other friends; reminding me that when he treats me like THIS, how amazing I feel counter acts the bad aspects of our relationship.
“That would be great,” I tell him and together we set towards the school gate. Before we can even set foot outside of the grounds however, we are called back in by Mr Willow.
“Mr Alford!” the headmaster barks. “You are supposed to be in an afterschool detention, or would you rather come at 6.00 tomorrow morning?”
“Ah, Man, I totally forgot, I'll call you tonight El,” He drops my hand and begins to retreat back towards the inclusion centre, waving at me over the top of his head as he runs.I laugh, and turning away, begin to walk briskly down the road with the sea of other
pupils.

Having walked treacherously further than anyone else in our school, I finally got to Seaview Avenue, a mere road away from Lisa’s house, with Eleton John’s ‘Don’t go breaking my heart’ playing like a broken record in my head. Ironic that my ipod knows just what to play to suit what's going on in my life. That’s when I see them. Looking up from my Ipod, and adjusting one ear phone so that it sits snugly in my ear lobe and the bass increases; I see Lewis Stravis and his trashy girlfriend Mercy leant against a lamp-post on the other side of the road. They’re not kissing or hugging, not holding hands, in fact they're both look utterly more bored than my mum listening to dad talk about his day at work. Lewis sees me and nods to acknowledge my presence. In return I raise my hand to him, as a kind of wave-type gesture. Mercy completely ignores me. I snort at her before looking left and right for traffic. There are a couple coming, so I just stand there tapping my foot with impatience and glancing over at the "happy" couple every now and then.

I admit,I don’t know much about Lewi. All I know is that he sucks major at maths; is more than 'rather handsome (as my nanny would say), as well as being way out of my league, a supporter of indie music and making his wealth apparent. Rumour is that his parents own a crack house, but no one could really bet on it because no one has ever seen his parents. They could be scientists in lab coats for all we knew.

I look left, then right, then do the same again. No cars, busses, motorbikes etc; so I cross. I hear Mercy’s ghastly cackle of a laugh and look up to see Lewis jabbing her sides playfully. My earphones catch my coat button and my iPod topples out of my pocket on to the floor. Bending down, I go to pick them up. I move hesitantly, delicately, as though touching the device will send me hurling me backwards. I sweep them up, and boringly, I don't go zooming anywhere. I untangle earphones in a frenzy of irritation from being delayed yet again, but eventually manage to un-coil them from around my body.I quickly slot the earphones back in and continue to travel along the road to the greener , other side. But then I slip, one foot collides with the other and I fall back landing with a massive thud. I scream in surprise and Lewis rushes over as I rub my throbbing side. That’s when he calls my name “ELIZA!” followed by some bright yellow lights, screeching, and then everything’s black followed with a sensation I couldn’t even describe as pain.
The feeling of unknowing overwhelms me as a I crash in to consciousness. I can’t feel the cool of the pavement on my bare legs anymore, but instead; a softness that tickles with movement.

Chapter Two
My body awakes with the feeling of a liquid of some sort strolling down my body. I assume that when I fell in the road a car splashed a puddle over me or something, and that if I were to open my eyes; I’d see the pavement before me and a shattered Ipod. But I knew something about that idea was wrong. I just didn’t know what. My eyes flickered open and I registered that I wasn’t laid faced down with the concrete before me, I was standing, abruptly straight in the centre of someone’s room. The first thought to enter my head was ‘Who on earth sleeps standing up?’ followed by ‘Where the heck am I?’. I knew I wasn’t in the hospital. There were no dull paintings, heart monitors, beds with drips, windows that looked on to a car park, pale blues that were curtains and sheets. I wasn’t in a hospital gown with scratches and bruises covering my knees and arms and chest. I was intact-how I’d arrived for school that morning. My hair was up in a bun, clip at side, wearing one ring, two bracelets, a long sleeved shirt, a skirt recognised as ‘too short’, two pairs of tights and the inappropriate doc martins for shoes- the only thing I had left which hadn’t lost its sole or was scuffed to pieces. The only difference was, I didn’t feel like I did when I got to school that morning- plain, tired, grouchy. I felt crisp and new and UN REAL. The sensation that water was trickling down my arm overwhelmed me again and I found myself looking around.

This room, the room I was stuck in; had red walls. Four of them, as you’d expect. There were no windows, no lights, but it wasn’t at all dark. On the wall hung pictures, but the weird thing about them was that, when far away the images looked crystal clear, but as you’re far away, you can’t see what they are. When up close, the image becomes distorted and hurts your eyes to look at, as though you’re being punished for staring. There was a black leather sofa leaned against the black wall too, and typically, faced a television. But this wasn’t just a television, it was a 120” television with no wires to connect it, no plugs to which you could connect it to- no buttons, no standby lights, all there was, was a black square with a note reading ‘Just find the remote.’ In, what appeared, a teenage boy’s handwriting. I’d begun to crawl around the floor in search for the remote, when I noticed the wet sensation had stopped. Instead I was suddenly hot, then cool, then warm again, then a bit nippy. It began to irritate me and made me more determined to find this bleeding remote.
I found it eventually and it seemed the process of looking had taken several days, though in here, I suppose, How would I know? The remote was, in fact, behind one of the photographs on the wall. This particular photo was printed to a canvas and as the remote was so tiny, it sat on the ledge, it’s single button, facing up, and you know what? The button was red. What do people say about red buttons? DO NOT PUSH. So, obviously I did. The room filled with a buzzing which pained my head and my hands swept to my ears to drill out the sound as my eyes closed in pain. I heard a shriek from the TV and my eyes drew back to the screen where all I could see was a coffee cup laying on a table, its contents overflowing over the edge, and someone’s hands trying to collect the spillage through the dabbing of napkins. Of all things to put on TV, why would someone want to watch a boy failing to clean up coffee? The boy eventually gave up, shoving everything on the table away from him in frustration. I soon noticed that what I was seeing was from his point of view...
The boy, Mr Unknown, began to walk away from the mess, quickly and I could tell by his posture; shoulders hunched forwards, the way each step seemed like too much effort that he’d probably been here a long time. The cafe wasn’t your usual cafe. There weren’t advertisements, images of ludicrous deserts on the walls, little alcoves where you could chat with your friends. It was all very boring, and crisp and clean. I suspected it was a hospital cafe, and I soon found my thoughts were correct. Having wandered in to the corridor towards a lift, the boy had now stopped and appeared to be staring at the elevator button as though he were demanding for it to arrive. When the elevator finally came, he was hesitant to get in, like his entrance would be the last place he were to roam, like he’d be trapped if he were to venture inside. It wasn’t until the elevator doors rolled open, revealing a mirror opposite and HIS reflection that I knew who he was.
“Lewis,” My mother’s voice rushed just as I registered his image in the mirror. “What are you still doing here?”
“The same reason you are here, to wait for her,” Wait for me? I was in his head for god sakes! I didn’t know how to get out of there!
“Haven’t you waited long enough?” My mother’s tone matched her face. Tired, Weak, I wondered what the cause of her frailness was.
“I’m not leaving until she comes back to us, until she wakes up, I was there at the accident, until she wakes up, I won’t be able to do anything knowing I didn’t save her,” Lewis’ words began to fade as I remembered what he now recalled. The television in front of me had split to show two images. One was the scene of the accident, showing me standing by the path looking left and right for traffic. The other showed my mother’s crippled face as Lewis’ spoke of what happened to me just as the scene played out on the other half of the screen. I watch the screen, trying to remember what happened. The ipod spilling from my hands, the bend to pick it up, the trip which sends me on to the ground again and the stumble to my feet, I remember all that. It’s only remembering after then which leads me to look at the screen before me. I see myself coming more in to focus, obviously as Lewis gets closer to me in order to help me regain balance; then I see both our attentions drift to a car heading my way. Inside, a couple are arguing. They’re both so involved in their dispute that they’re not looking for teenagers swaying on the road so they carry on driving. I see the car hit me, I see my body fall heavily backwards and my skull crash against the pavement, more than a trickle of blood immediately flowing from it as Lewis’ calls my name, and I hear the tires of the car squeak through attempt to stop after my body has bounced off. The picture blurs and leaves me breathing heavily, I can’t bear to listen to Lewis’ and my mother’s conversation anymore so I press the red button again, switching off. I move backwards towards the sofa and collapse on to it. The leather is as cold as I am and if feels good. I wrap myself in to a ball and just stay there a while, accepting the fact that I am, potentially, in a coma but at the same time, wishing I’d dreamt this all up, and were, just unconscious in the middle of Sea view Avenue. My hand itches towards the remote again, and still lying gloomily in my ball, I turn channel Lewis back on.
“Just go home darling; you’ve been here all night,” came my mother’s voice again, sincere towards the boy.
“I can’t. I just can’t. Yeah, I’ve been here all night, but I didn’t come the first day. I watched her be shoved on a stretcher and taken away in an ambulance then just went home and sat in my room. I should’ve got in the ambulance with her and stayed the very first day. So, I can’t leave her now, not again, I owe it to her”
“There’s nothing you could have done. No way could you have stopped the car hitting her. No difference would have been made if you’d of sat and held her hand in the ambulance, and you staying here for the sake of it won’t help her now, you’ll only tire yourself. Haven’t you got an exam on Monday Lewis?”
“Well, Yeah” He grunted. We both had exams. Big Exams. English and Maths, and these were last entry. So there were my qualifications down the toilet even if I did wake up.
“Ought you not to be revising?”
“Not important,” But his thoughts told me otherwise, appearing around me in bubbles.
“Lewis!”
“YOU WANT ME TO REVISE!” He screamed at my mother. “How on earth will I concentrate on poetry and sums with the thought of her dying right in the back of my mind?”
“I never knew you were so close,” My mother whispered putting one hand squarely on Lewis’ shoulder.
“Not at first glance we weren’t. But we used to be. I’d give anything to be that close again now.” BUT I AM CLOSE TO YOU! My head screeched. I”M INSIDE YOUR HEAD! THAT”S HOW CLOSE WE ARE! “Well,” She didn’t know what to say to him, so for a moment the two just stood there in silence, breathing heavily, and looked as though they were mourning for me within themselves. Finally my mother spoke again.
“I was then leaving, I’ve got to pick up John and Charlie, so, if you want to go in and see her, I’ll wait and give you a ride home,”
“Thanks Mrs Howards, I appreciate it,” My mother bowed her head and stepped aside and Lewis’ ghostly shimmer of a silhouette floated towards the reception desk of Barkley ward.
“Is it okay for me to see Eliza Howards?” A lump caught in his throat as he spoke my name and I shivered as too heard it spoken for the first time since being here- in this situation.
“Oh- I’m sorry sweetie, she’s just with a doctor at the moment,”
“But she was only checked on an hour ago,” Lewis said, his tone rushing to a worried confusion. “Is she alright?”
“Her condition has made a change, I’m afraid you’ll have to speak to the doctor. Has her mother left? I’ve been meaning to catch her before she did depart but got caught up on the phone,”
“Oh, er, I think she’s just waiting in the cafeteria, I’ll run and fetch her,”
“Thank you son, I’ll let the doctor know,” The woman, a woman with fair skin and subtle features, brightened up with locks of curly red hair which made her appearance perfect for her job; got up from behind the desk and began to walk down the hall away from Lewis. She opened a door and a man walked out. Seeing this man, this man with such liberal concern tattooed upon his face, well... It scared me. He looked truly sincere, and it officially struck me that, I was dying in there. My body was as Lewis said, lying crippled and mute, my organs were irresponsive to the damages upon my brain. I was in a sleep that not even a prince could awaken me from. Amongst all of that worry and stress all I could register was that, of all doctors in a hospital, Jamie’s father was the one assessing me. But Jamie wasn’t here, and no one had mentioned his name. It occurred to me, In a bad sense, that Lewis shouldn’t be the one here, his voice croaking with fear for the girl he barely knew. Jamie should be here, holding my hand- well, the hand that was lying on a hospital bed. But he wasn’t. Before I could think anymore Mr Alford spoke.
“Ah, Lewis,” he said. The nurse stood beside him silent for the moment. “I thought you’d of left by now,”
“’I’d of intended on staying another night, if it weren’t for Fran’s insistence,” No one ever said my mom’s first name. That was weird.
“Have you spoken to your mother, surely she wants you home?”
“I purposely left my mobile at home so I could stay, no throttle she gives me when I am home will matter,”
“Well, It’s support that will bring Eliza through, so it’s touching you are here” Dr Alford closed his eyes and cleared his throat. He truly was a strange man. “Have you seen my son around?” He asked suddenly with some tone of annoyance.
“Not since about two,” Lewis paused Dick only stayed an hour, I always knew she deserved better. Lewis’ thoughts spoke aloud “he was tired,” So he had been here. I wondered, with that thought, why it weren’t his head I were in. It was he I needed to understand. Our relationship had been shit as of late.
“You are tired,” he pointed out.
“He has an exam to be ready for tomorrow, I’ve got until Monday to prepare,”
“Yet, I bet he will be playing on his Xbox, not revising,” He sighed. The nurse coughed. “Oh I am sorry Sister Nancy, You came to fetch me didn’t you?”
“Yes, Doctor, I was just saying that the boy was going to chase after Mrs Howards so you could tell them together,”
“Ah yes, of course, If you would find her Lewis, that would be... ideal,”
“Yeah, okay,” Lewis turned away from the nurse and Mr Alford and began to trudge towards the elevator. Inside the elevator things were weird. There was no one else there, so Lewis’ thoughts didn’t concentrate on conversation responses. They drifted towards other things; like his yearning for comfort, my awakening, and a hot dog? Everything he thought surrounded me, images and text within bubbles that popped as I finished reading or glancing at them. The one thought that neither of us could draw our attention from was the memory of the accident The elevator ride seemed to take an eternity.
“Linda!” He called, and my mother swerved around to face him.
“Oh” she breathed “Changed your mind about that lift?” She tried to smile but the turn of her lips and the narrowing of her eyes made her look like a chineese person squinting. Of all times to laugh, this was not it. But I did. Sitting in my little red room, knowing I was dying and everyone I loved was suffering too; I began to cackle at my mother’s ridiculous ‘smile’.
“No,” Lewis says firmly, and I immediately cease my giggles. “The doctor needs to speak with you,”
“What, now” my mother sighs.
“It’s important,”
“Very well, I’ll just ring Charlotte,” My mother starts digging through her handbag for her phone and Lewis turns away as though to give her some privacy, but the conversation can still be heard by both of us.
“I’m sorry love, you and Lisa will just have to get the bus up here, or wait until I can collect you... Yes I know that you want to see her now but something’s happened... Well, I don’t know if it’s anything serious yet... Well I saw your sister merely an hour ago and she was fine... Look, Lisa should be getting on with her school work, I imagine her mother wants her home.... Yes, hand her over.” My mother sighs and starts drumming her foot impatiently. “Yes, Hello Lisa.... Look, I know you’re upset that you haven’t been able to visit until today, but it’s Eliza” A tingle shot up my spine at the mention of my name. “But It’s Eliza we ought to be worrying about, if the Doctor needs to talk it’s obviously concerning her, that’s more important than you visiting her.... Yes thank you for understanding...” My mother laughs lightly suddenly and closes her eyes to speak. “Oh Honey, I don’t think your parents are going to get too angry about the fact she lost your keys, now goodbye Han, tell Charlotte to go home and that her dad will be there shortly... Ok, Bye now” My mother ends the call and turns to face Lewis.
“Okay,” She says “Shall we go?” She offers him a hand and shakily he takes it. The thought that crosses Lewis ‘ mind is something along the lines of Mothers and Daughters often have the same or similar hands, so I wonder if this is how it feels to be holding hers.... I know that when he is finally sitting beside my hospital bed again, that he will take my hand, just so he knows.
Chapter 3
Lewis slowed down as he’s calmed down. He no longer walks with a stride that looks as though he wants to kill the next person he sees. Instead he walks like he is progressing. Which, he of course is. Rather than being angered with them, he is now processing what he’s just heard. Of course, I know I’m safe. I know I’m conscious really. But the doctors don’t. At first they didn’t even think I was fully going in to a coma, they thought I was just insanely unconscious. Then of course, came the signs that showed I might not wake up- the ones they just explained to Lewis, probably not for the first time. They said that the first sign was obviously the fact I could not be aroused from sleep. Then there was the fact I was breaking out in a rash, only a little under the arm. Then they say that my body made random jerks a while before I officially turned to the vegetative state. I figure this happened when my brain left my body and nestled in Lewis, and therefore left my cage empty and at a loss of what to do to survive. The doctor told Lewis that it was the perceptivity concept that had gone within me- which said I couldn’t respond to communication. I think that’s what made him snap- The fact that repeating the words ‘wake up’ would really do nothing. Now that he’d slowed down, his walk home seemed to be taking forever. I didn’t know if that was because the path ahead looked so very long or because I could only step a mere five steps before I would hit the tv and were therefore unable to take the walk with him. I suppose, I could just switch off. Let his thoughts be kept to himself for a while. But what would I do? I would sleep but I fear too much that I really won’t wake up.
Lewis kicks a stone on the path and it rolls forward, halting at two pairs of feet. Lewis’ eyes wander up, and mine follow. He freezes. I freeze. He steps back. I stumble. I don’t know why he doesn’t continue past the two kissing teens. Perhaps out of shock. Perhaps out of curiosity. Or perhaps because the excessive grinding happening between the boy and girl before him as they wander the maze of each other’s mouths reminds him of a porn film he’s watched and is turning him on. Either way, I wasn’t concerned with his thoughts on the matter; I was having bombs of my own. What I could see, through Lewis’ eyes, before me; was my best friend and my boyfriend. Typical cliché- neither of them were extraordinary people- so they did well, they haven’t risen above any expectations. I suppose it does explain a lot- Jamie’s lack of visiting for example. The fact he rarely touched or kissed me nowadays, and even when the moments did occur, how he always seemed distant, like he were thinking of someone else. It also explained why Lisa had been pushing me to dump him. I wonder if she intended to meet him after Spannish the day of his detention. Would they have a quick fool behind the bike sheds before both went back to their fake smiles to me and talked about the other as though nothing were going on. I should have suspected the strange behaviour was down to something like this. Everyone knew that Jamie had cheated on girls before he’d been with me. But then again, I suppose you can’t help which idiots you fall for, and people had said they felt I changed him. I believed that, right until today. As for Lisa, I didn’t understand how she could do this to me. I didn’t understand how she could be doing this at all. Lisa had been my best friend since I were about three. I met her at playgroup. I’d always been the more confident out of both of us, so she’d never really hit it off with any boys. She’d never kissed anyone as far as I knew. So to be doing that kind of kissing, with somebody else’s boyfriend? She was a changed girl. We did drive apart when Jamie and I got together. Maybe that’s why she could do it- so she felt like she could be back in the group. Ha. Though, it goes to show, people aren’t what they seem. Never are. I mean, it’s Lewis who was at the hospital, and the only time we speaks is when I’m either drunk and confessing how I used to stare at him; or when he’s picking up the books I’ve dropped down the stairs.

Back to the show, and the two of them have come up for air. Finally. But Jamie’s hand remains on Lisa’s tiny excuse of an ass. I remember when she was fat though. A cruel thought tells me to leak some pictures on to the yearbook committee, then I remember I wont be able to attend the meetings. This makes me fume even more.
Both of them are breathless and grinning like they’ve just had the kiss that declared them soul mates. Naww. Lisa drives Jamie against the wall behind them and leans her head against his chest. He doesn’t click his tongue like when he hugs me. He closes his eyes in peace and admiration.
‘Do you feel guilty like I do?’ she whispers to him, stroking his chest.
‘I feel amazing,’ he breathes and releases a little laugh. She looks up at him.
‘I’m being serious’ she frowns. ‘I mean sure, Eliza being gone means no sneaking around, but she’s my best friend. If she dies not knowing, I’ll never live with myself’.
‘She’s not going to die,’ he responds, stepping out of her net.
‘But... she might Jams,’
‘She won’t’ Jamie growls and Lisa steps away. He sighs, grabs for her and takes her back in his arms. Placing his lips to the top of her mousy head he whispers ‘She can’t’.
The two are walking away now, hand in hand, their arms swinging in sync, laughing playfully at one another’s jokes- all traces of seriousness gone- me forgotten. Lewis doesn’t move though, and neither do I. We are both still plastered still, and If I were a real body right now, you’d probably describe my face as a sheet of greying newspaper. My mother always said that when I were to see something I wish I had not; that I should simply pretend I never saw it. But it wasn’t quite that simple. Not when you felt like the two people protecting your heart had actually torn it from you and began shredding it, oozing out blood until you were literally a newspaper shade of gray. I’ve never understood until now, that Carol Ann Duffy, and Miss Havisham couldn’t be more right. It is more than just the heart that b-b-b-breaks. You mind feels frazzled too, the head hurts, your bones ache, your tongue is iced with pain, your self esteem demolished. I feel scared, alone, angry- and there’s nothing I can do about it. Not in here. I can’t go let my despair out at my betrayers. My body’s in a coma- Unable to move, to speak, to function. But I’m functioning in here all right. My brain knows exactly what I think. It understands how I should feel. I just can’t bloody act on it.
Having nearly forgotten as to who I were trapped with, I was suddenly reminded with a deep agonised sigh. Lewis had appeared to of climbed up on to the wall where Lisa and Jamie had been leant against; and was now sitting there, swinging his feet, trying to make them scrape the ground just as a child does the first time he or she gets on a swing alone. He swings his backpack off his shoulders and slugs it on his lap. Steadily he undoes the zip and takes his phone from the front pouch. He punches in the numbers robotically, and I recognise the number with ease. It’s my home phone. I wonder why he’s ringing there, but don’t dwell on it too much- I’ll soon find out. Five b-ring-rings and my sister picks up.
‘Hiya, Charlie here,’ she says groggily. She’s been crying.
‘Hey, it’s Lewis,’
‘Oh, Hi, are you still up the hospital?’
‘No, I’m not. Did your mum pick you and your dad up in the end? Or did she stay up there?’
‘She picked us up after you spoke with the doctor. What are we going to do Lewis?’ Suddenly, she breaks out in heavy sobs and through the phone we can hear the sound of her blowing her nose and moaning at the sticky mess of the tissue. She’s a clean freak. Has to be said.
‘I know. It’s... indescribably horrible Charlie. I know it is. But, you need to chanel your emotion somewhere else.’ Lewis pauses, hesitating. ‘Somewhere that will I think she’d want you to.’ The words are slow, but sure, and I can feel the corners of my mouth perking up a little bit. Somehow, my mind and Lewis’ are really on par. He wants revenge as much as I do, and has apparently come up with a clever way of achieving it. Plan sister.
‘What do you mean?’ Charlie sniffs.
‘I’ve got something to tell you, and your not going to like it,’
‘What?’
‘I’m not going to say remain calm or any of that rubbish, I want you to knock him out, just... don’t shoot the messenger, ok?’
‘What’s going on Lew? Just tell me?’
‘Just promise it won’t be me you’ll kill?’
‘I promise, I promise!’ She yells, agitated, impatient.
‘Jamie’s been cheating on Eliza. Before the accident,’ The sentence leaves silence. Lewis knows to say nothing else, and Charlie is most likely gripping the phone so tight and breathing so heavily her knuckles have turned white. She’s the protective sister type. Hurt-her-and-you’ll-have-no-balls-type.
‘What?’ She spits. ‘Tell me your kidding,’
‘I’m not. We’ve just seen them, kissing, not just a peck on the lips, full frontal,’
‘No!’ Charlie gasps, and you can hear the sound of a foot tapping down the line. ‘Wait,’ she says and the tapping ceases. ‘Did you say we?’
‘Yeah, me and... ‘ Silence. My mouth gapes open. He knows I’m here. He knows. But he can’t explain it, can’t know for sure? ‘Oh, wait, sorry, no, it was just me. I saw them on my way home from the hospital.’
‘Who was the bitch that thought it was ok to rub up against my sister’s man?’
‘This is the bit your not going to like,’
‘Well I’m not liking any of it so far,’ She hisses.
‘It’s...’
‘Who, who is it god damn?!’
‘Lisa,’
‘Lisa who?’ she demands, sounding furious already.
‘Lisa Payne,’ Me and Lewis both whisper, and both our heads whip up. We connected then. He knows it, I know it.
‘Lisa Payne?’ Charlie sounds shaken, and then erupts in anger. ‘HOW THE HELL DARE SHE? ALL HER LIFE MY SISTER TREATED HER WELL, ALL HER LIFE SHE’S HELD HER HAND, BEEN HER FRIEND, LOOKED AFTER H...’
‘CHARLIE!’ Lewis shouts to interrupt. ‘Don’t take it out on the mic. Go find them. She can’t have a go at them like she would if she knew. You can. They were heading to his house when I saw them last. If you take a short cut you’ll arrive just in time to corner them. Rip their guts out Charlie. Then ring me for a description.’ With that, he stamps the ‘end call button’ and a bleep finishes the conversation. I feel myself smiling, and I’m sure Lewis is too- both of us smugly satisfied. When my sister is angry, she goes mental. Whenever someone hurts me, she goes mental. She’s been cheated on before, had run inns with friends before- and gone mental. Combine those things- she could be in a court trial for murder by tomorrow morning.


Chapter 4
My sister didn’t quite decapitate Jamie and Lisa. But apparently, Jamie can no longer have children and Lisa is going to have a reputation for racoon like make-up thanks to the black eyes she’s been given. That’s what Charlie told Lewis on the phone that night as she pressed a cool pack to her bruised knuckles. ‘Worth it,’ she’d said. I know I’ll owe her for this- even if not in this life, than the next. Maybe in the next I’ll screw over one of her ex boyfriends. Break their heart.

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 26.03.2011

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For my best friend- Joanna Madden. Who I always had the boy chats with and could tell anything going on in MY mind.