Chapter One

First day back at school.

I had expected to the summer of junior year to be jam packed with parties, cute date nights with my boyfriend, Dan and an all-round success of a summer. But instead I spent the most part of my summer with my mum, sleeping and eating ice cream You could say this had something to do with being dumped via text message at the beginning of summer break. After 2 years of a loving relationship, he sent me a text saying “I need to fly solo for a while” I was confused about what it meant for a while and when he changed his relationship status to single, it clicked.  I was heartbroken, but Ben and Jerry’s are helping me make a steady recovery. The rest of my summer, my mom did her best to cheer me up, we’d go round to her best friend’s, Mia house and have girly night but I just made me miss Katie. She dragged me along to one of her friends weddings, where I was forced to dance with my old best friend Jamie baker. Which was the most awkward experience of my entire life. Jamie had been a part of my life since we were born, are moms had met at the hospital and have been inseparable ever since.  Instead of been young romantics like are moms tried to push us to be, we remained best friends. But once we turned sophomores and Jamie joined the football team, everything changed, he slowly began to blend in with the popular guys and forgot about us.

Katie and I have been friends since we were six, we met at dance class when we both enjoyed exercising. Since we were from Newberg, Oregon which only has one high school, everyone knew who we were. Katie had the looks to die for; Jet black hair, tanned (well, now a little burnt) big brown eyes and a toned-to-perfection figure. Whereas my appearance was more cute than sexy; I had mousy-blonde hair that came just past my boobs, pale complexion, bigger than average green eyes and a curvy figure. Out of the two of us, Katie got more male attention that stretched beyond friend zone, whereas I was typically left in the friend zone. Especially by Jamie. So as you could have guessed, it was a shock when I had gotten a boyfriend.

Pulling up in the familiar  car park and seeing the excitement of some of my fellow classmates made me want to barf.  After the summer, it’s fair to say I wasn't so thrilled to be back in the Hell hole. As I climbed to of my car, I heard the familiar shriek of my best friend Katie. I looked around to see if I could spot her and to my surprise, there she was, burnt as a crisp. She had spent the entire summer break travelling to some of the hottest places with her parents and you sure could tell. Katie pulled me into a hug.

“You’re looking… Tanned?” I said as I pulled out of her hug.

“I know, it’s hot right? Like I don’t look like a total idiot do I?” She looked at herself in my car window.

“I wouldn’t say you looked like an idiot” She smiled at herself in the mirror. “But Willy Wonka called, he wants you back at the factory.”

“I am not orange!” She playfully hit my arm. We began walking into school and she looped her arm through mine. “I’ve missed you so much Gracie!  We need a big catch up, I saw those pictures of you and Jamie Baker at the wedding!  And when I see Dan I’m going to punch him in the balls, dick.” She talked at such a fast pace, only I could understand.

“Ah Juniors, just two more years and we are out of here, out of this town!” The halls were packed with kids, trying to find their friends. You could smell out a freshman from miles just by the amount of nervous sweat the produce.

“Two more years then UCLA here we come!” Katie and I decided from an early age that we were going to college together and UCLA was a choice we both agreed on. Katie and I both found our lockers which were right next to each other; originally I was next to Kit Hellman (a science genius, who had had a crush on Katie since forever) but Katie being the slut she is showed him her boobs- not bare, she has morals- for the locker.

“Kate, I gotta get to home room so I’ll meet you in the cafeteria at lunch?” We discovered when we got our timetables we barely shared any lessons together, lunch was our most valued time.

“Okay Gracie.” She was barely paying any attention, Jake reeds locker was directly opposite hers; he had been her crush since freshman year, and he was the only boy that hadn’t seem to show interest in her and she hated it.

***

As I walked into homeroom, I heard a familiar comforting voice. Jamie. I hadn’t seen him since the wedding, I was kinda nervous. Jamie caught my eye, so I smiled politely. Then I heard a familiar, terrifying voice of Charlotte Pentington. We’ve hated each other for a long, because she had a crush on Jamie and always felt I was competition. Jamie gestured me to the spare seat next to him. It look as if Charlotte was about to race me to the chair, but she didn’t want to embarrass herself. So she give me the look as she walked by, and I mean if looks could kill, I’d be six feet under.

“Wow, you guys aren’t best friends yet?” Jamie looked at me with a cheeky grin on his face.

“Oh, and I wonder who’s fault that is?” I replied with the same amount of cheekiness.

“Hey, c’mon now, we all know it’s not my fault I’m a babe magnet, the ladies just can’t keep their hands off me; not even you bug.” He leaned in, with a playful look on his face. I could smell his cologne as he got closer. How I’ve missed that smell. I missed him calling me bug; it was kind of a patronizing nickname, but he’s always called me it. I got the nickname because when we were about 6, I had an obsession with ladybugs and for a school play I dressed up as one. All the teachers were calling me bug the whole day and it just stuck with Jamie.

“Oh get over yourself, you haven’t got anything to put my hands on.” I missed our playful conversations. I missed my best friend.

“That is not what you were saying at the wedding, your hands were all over me and you know it!”

“ We were dancing! And I distinctly remember that it was you who had your hands all over me.”

We both laughed at the memories. I don’t think we’ve talked like this in a while, even at the wedding it seemed awkward, like we both wanted to tell each other that we missed one another, but neither of us had the nerve to say. The school bell dragged us from our laughter.

“Catch you later bug.”

“Yeah, see you later J.”

I felt Charlottes locked eyes on my back, like lasers cutting through me. I almost felt flattered that she thought I was competition; I couldn’t see why though, she was beautiful but she had a horrible personality, so she must have been threatened by mine.

***

The lessons were long and boring, and my free period just before dinner gave me extra long to catch up with Katie. Just as I sat down, my chili Doritos in one hand and a bottle of Dr pepper in the other, Katie came bounding up to me.

“You’ll never guess what!” I haven’t seen her this excited since she thought Justin Bieber had followed her on twitter; turns out it was just a fan account. “Guess who’s having a party? Jamie! Apparently his moms going on a spa weekend a-“

“Yeah I know, my mom’s going with her, so I have a weekend of relaxation.” I cut her off because I knew she was going to ask if I would get us invited. But before I could tell her no, Jamie wandered over to the table.

“Hey bug, Kat. Um, yeah so bug, do you have that photo of me and you at the wedding? My mom keeps bugging me about it.” He was nervous; constantly running his hand through his hair.

“Oh yeah, I thought my mom would have sent it to your mom by now?”

“Yeah, I’m shocked too.” He looked awkward.

“I’ll bring my memory stick over in a sec, gotta find it.”

“Yeah okay, I’ll be sitting right over there” He pointed over to the table, full of the most popular boys in school. “Oh and I forgot to tell you, you looked beautiful bug” He walked off with a cheeky smile on his face.

I laughed for a second but noticed Kat’s deranged look she was giving me, like she found out the juiciest gossip of the town.

“Kat, why are you looking at me like that?” I edged away from her, usually when she’s like this she hits me in excitement; so I was preparing for the attack. I must’ve moved too slowly, because I got hit, really hard.

“I thought you said you and Jamie barely spoke at the wedding? Jamie wants you! He wants you so bad!” The excitement in her eyes was so scary, I wanted to take the knife out of her hand. “ Oh hey bug, you’re so beautiful, let me have you. Oh bug I- “ She tried to make her voice go all deep, but she just sounded like she had a really bad cold.

“ Would you stop, Jesus, someone might hear you!” I hit her just as hard as she hit me.

“Ow, Gracie c’mon, he is HOT and he is packing!” She actually whispered this time “ And I am not just talking about his 6 pack, I think you know what I’m talking about.”

“You’re not funny.”

“Gracie c’mon, we both know you like Jamie, and don’t say you don’t because you do. You have since I can remember. No go and woo him with your beautifulness before Charlotte gets him.” Her head nodded in the direction which Charlotte was approaching.

Before I knew it, I was marching over to Jamie’s table to hand him the memory stick. What was I thinking! I kept telling myself  to go and sit back down but my legs just wouldn’t turn around. There I was, stood there like a gormless fish in front of Jamie.

“Hey bug!” He sounded genuinely happy to see me, he pulled the chair up next to him. I looked over at Katie, she was too busy trying to get Jakes attention than give me moral support.

“Um hey, here, this has all the photos from the wedding. Are you going to be home tonight? For the dinner?” My mom and his had planned a dinner to finally reunite me and Jamie. My mom was making a big fuss out of everything, I know she hasn’t seen Jamie’s mom in a while but she shouldn’t be this excited.

“Oh yeah, I have to stay home, but it should be fun, like the good old times.” I could hear the sarcasm in his voice so I gave him a little nudge as I sat down.

“Grace, I heard about you and Dan. I’m sorry he’s an idiot.” Liam was one of the sweetest guys at school, and one of the hottest. He was another one of my childhood first, but we never stayed as close. I tried setting him up with Katie but it turned out they’d already hooked up.

 “Yeah he is, Thanks Liam” I smiled at him sweetly and he nodded.

“Hi Jamie! Are you busy tonight?” Charlotte’s voice give me chills every time she spoke, it’s so annoying, it makes you want to punch her in the nose.

“Err Charlotte hi. Yeah I am, with my good old buddy bug.” He swung his arm around me like he was trying to make her jealous. I gave him the ‘what-the-hell-are-you-doing’ look, but he returned the ‘shut-up-and-smile’ look. I wonder why he was trying to make her jealous, did he know that she liked him? Jamie wouldn’t be that cruel, would he?

“With her?” Again, if looks could kill. She looked like she was literally going to jump across the table and attack me. “Fine, but you’re missing out Jamie.” Her attempts at flirting were dull, she was about as sexy as a donkey. But you got to give the girl points for effort and confidence. Jamie didn’t reply just looked down and smiled.

“I should be getting back to Katie, she gets lost without me, I’ll see you tonight.” I didn’t seem to get a reply from him either. Liam, Toby, Greg and Henry all said bye, but Jamie just smiled and waved me off, just like charlotte. Thoughts just burst into my mind; What if he liked Charlotte and he was just using me to make her jealous?

Wait, why am I thinking like this, it’s not like I like him. Or do I? I mean I have known him all my life and Kat is right he is hot, and he has the most amazing personality; His eyes were big and brown which always showed what he was feeling, he had brown hair that was fairly long, kinda like Harry Style’s. He had an amazing body, and a perfect natural tan, you can tell why all the girls wanted him. I have a lot to think about.

“Gracie! Look what Jake just showed me, quick!”

“Where’s the fire! Jeeze” Katie looked at me with her eyebrow raised, so I sat obediently.

“Look at this list all of the boys made; well not all, but the important ones! And you say you’re not hot. We were tied first!” I look at this list, she wasn’t lying. Had the world gone completely mad! Even Charlotte was 3, behind Catlin; who left school just before junior year.

“Wait, why is Catlin on the list, nobody’s seen her since summer; apparently her parents have sent her to a boarding school because they heard about what she got up to in the pool house at your party!” Let’s just say Catlin had a reputation with the boys and some girls according to rumors. Anyway, Katie’s party got a little heated and Catlin spent the night in the pool house with 5 boys and 1 other girl. Katie hates it whenever someone mentions it.

“Please, can we not talk about that, I am scarred for life after walking in on them.” Her face showed genuine disgust. “ Moving swiftly on, you can no longer say no boys like you because this, this proves that your wrong, and Charlottes going to be pissed, she spent all summer trying to make herself more good looking, but turns out she came of the operating table looking like a duck.” I always knew she was fake. I promised myself that I would not have any drama in junior year, but it’s too late, first Jamie and now this list. Can’t a girl get a brake round here?

Chapter Two

When I arrived home, my day got a whole lot worse. I had forgot all about going to Jamie’s house for dinner. I had to face him again. When I was getting ready, I contemplated asking him whether he was using me to make charlotte jealous, but I didn’t want to sound an obsessive freak. I had made my mind up about one thing though; I did like Jamie, and I’ve liked him for a long time, just never came to terms with it because we were so close. I texted Katie to confess my attraction to Jamie, and the only advice she gave me was ‘don’t fart in front of him’ thanks for the help Katie.

My mom dragged me from my room and into the car. “ I don’t know what you’re looking so glum for, you always used to love seeing Mia, Jamie and Max, mostly Jamie.” She winked and gave me a slight nudge.

“Mom. Please, I do not love Jamie. Just because you had a young love; which, bearing in mind that went downhill when you got pregnant, and  dad rarely comes to see the product of the ‘young love’ that you had. Teenagers are just immature. Do you really want me to end up pregnant and alone at the age of 16? Everyone always said I was just like you.” My mood had taken over, and my mouth just let the words fall out. The journey went surprisingly quickly- too quickly. My mom didn’t answer me for a while, I felt bad because I know my dad’s a sensitive matter to bring up. He left when I was 3 and rarely ever sees me, he remarried and I have a half brother. Whereas my mom dated guys, but never met ‘Mr. Right’. Sometimes I don’t think she’s moved on from my dad. My mom’s voice broke the silence.

“I never said you loved Jamie, stop being a stroppy teenager. And leave me and your  father out of this, we were both young and stupid, but yes let’s hope you’re not like me. Don’t be so grumpy, anyways we are here so put a smile on your face and perk up your attitude missy.”

Oh god, I was stood at his door, I have no idea why I'm panicking I’ve stood at this door a billion times. It seemed like this time was different, like I was meeting him for the first time. Let’s just hope that it’s not awkward. Dan had found out that I was at Jamie’s house and he’d not stopped texting me all night, I don’t understand him. Why can’t he just let me move on. Better yet, why can’t he move on. I pushed Dan to the back of my mind, partly because Mia had answered the door and the pounding of my heart blocked out the noise.

“Hey guys! Come on in, we’re in the dining room, dinners almost ready! Aw Gracie you’re going to send my boys wild, you look so beautiful; just like your mommy!” I’m pretty sure she never came up for air. I followed 5 steps behind my mom and Mia, listening to them talk like they hadn’t seen each other in ages. I stopped walking when I heard Jamie’s voice, I felt like I was about to have a panic attack. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME! ‘Gracie calm down, everything is going to be fine, Jamie is just the same as he was before; except he got extremely hotter and has the body of a god but-‘ I shook the voice from my head, only to find when I stopped Jamie was stood laughing at me.

“Bug, what are you doing?” Creeping towards me like I was a crazy person.

“Um there was a bug fly thing, over there..” I pointed in a random direction, hoping that he wouldn’t notice how shaky my hand was.

“I don’t see any bug apart from you but okay then.” Why did he always have to do this to me, his cheekiness made me go all jelly like. “ No I’m just kidding bug, you look beautiful. Did you dress up just for me?” He gave me a wink. Now I feel stupid, I’m not even dress up! All I chose was my black skirt and a white shirt, I just did my makeup as usual and left me hair all loose. I hope he didn’t notice me going red, but just in case, I hung my head.

“Dinners going to be on the table in five minutes!” Jamie’s older brother Max popped his head around the door. Max was the double of Jamie, but older, and more rugged. He’d just finished high school and this was his last days at home because he was going to college. “Hey Gracie, good to see you.” He was so serious compared to Jamie, but when they were together they get very boisterous. I walked into the dining room, to see the room decorated to the nines, like the queen was coming for tea. I sat next to an empty seat, which was soon filled  by Jamie’s god like body.

We had spaghetti Bolognese, my favorite. But I felt self-conscious eating it in front of  Jamie. The conversation was pretty much about Max; his college and his future career plan. Me and Jamie just gave each other sly looks and cheeky grins. I was playing with my food when Jamie nudged me, which ended up me having spaghetti all down my shirt.

“Gracie, I can’t take you anywhere!” She wasn’t being serious, the alcohol had taken the serious side of my mother and shoved it out the window.

“You can borrow one of my shirts bug.” He stood up and walked out of the room, so I followed him cautiously up to his room. When we got there, he rummaged through his top draw.  “Here, this one should be small enough.” He handed me a dark blue t-shirt, and nodded towards the en suite bathroom. The bathroom was surprisingly tidy for a boys bathroom, cleaner than mine. As I unbuttoned my shirt I heard the TV turn on in Jamie’s room, so I quickly put on the t-shirt; didn’t want him to think I was snooping in his bathroom. Jamie’s was setting up his x-box, which was the root to Jamie's whole existence, nothing came in-between him and his x-box. I’d tucked Jamie's shirt into my skirt because it was a bit too long, I thought it looked quite good.

“See, I knew it would suite you.” His voice was like a whisper but I managed to catch what he said. I was kinda flattered. “Do you want a game? I mean I’d whoop your ass but I won’t go too hard on you bug, I promise.” Again with the cheekiness, but this time he seemed to be flirting. I tried not to jump to conclusions, but I couldn’t help feeling a little excited.

“Ha, we both know you suck at this game. Bring it on.” I grabbed the controller playfully from his hand, it felt so good to hang out with him again. It felt like my life was normal again. I obviously won Jamie the first few times, I was the best at COD. He  kept trying to throw me off but I was in the zone. Just as I shot him one last time, my phone buzzed next to me. It was from Dan; ‘WILL YOU REPLY! God Gracie, or are you too busy with Jamie? Next time I see him I swear to god he’ll be sorry and so will you.’ I really wanted to ignore him, but this time I couldn’t. Jamie must’ve noticed my sudden mood changed and he snatched the phone from my hands.

“Who the heck does he think he is! Gracie you’re better off without him, I always knew that he was bad for you. You’re not the one to be sorry he should, for letting someone as amazing as you go.” He knelt down in front of me, I didn’t realize I was crying until he wiped a tear from my cheek. He pulled my chin up so I look him in the eye, his eyes were sad, like he felt the exact same emotions as me. Like he cared.

“ I’m such an idiot” I laughed even though I was hurt, I didn’t want to show him that I was weak.

“You are not an idiot bug! Don’t think like that, I don’t care if you cry in front of me, we were best friends. I'm always, always going to be here for you Grace.” How did he know I felt stupid for crying. That was weird. It made me feel a whole lot better to hear those words come out of his mouth, it made me feel special.

“Grace! Jamie, get your butts down here!” Mia called from the hallway.

I wiped the remainder of the tears from my eyes, and headed downstairs. My mom and Mia were sat at the computer looking at the wedding pictures, so I sat next to Max on the sofa. I saw a photo hung on the wall, it was of me and Jamie as kids at my auntie June’s wedding. Then next to it was the one Jamie had asked for, it was almost identical; except the obvious fact that we both had aged. I walked over to take a closer look. “Wow, that’s so weird.” I whispered to myself. Jamie walked over to me and whispered the same thing. I looked at him and gave a slight giggle. If felt so good to be so close to him again, it’s like we’ve never been apart.

“Ah I think it’s about time we head home. Gracie you’re going to have to drive, because I have had one too many.” She waved her finger in my face and laughed. I gave her a grumpy look. “ Oh turn that frown upside down! It’s not like the worlds ending my little cherub.” She pinched my cheeks.

“Please, stop talking. C’mon let’s see if you can make it to the car.” I grabbed her arm and dragged her to car, she stumbled a little but she just leant on my for the support. “ Thanks for having us Mia, the food was great. Bye Max! I’ll see you tomorrow Jamie.” They thanked us for coming and waved us off.

Getting my drunken mother out of the care was the hardest thing ever, she was like a dead weight and she wasn’t even trying to walk. I can’t believe she’s drank this much, its only 9pm! I took my mom straight to bed, I tried to put her gently in bed but the weight was too much for my arms and she just slumped down. This day had been stressful, what I need is a shower and my good friends Ben and Jerry. I had to rush in and out of the shower because Katie said she had important news that was too long to text. When I got in bed I called Katie.

“What’s up Kat?”

“OH MY GOD GRACIE YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE WHAT JUST HAPPENED TO ME!” I literally had to pull the phone away from my ear that’s how loud she was. “So, I was in Chem. and guess who is my partner for the entire semester? Jake Reed! We have a science project together, which means he will be at my house! Dude I can’t even.” She was lost for words, this was a first.

“Aw I’m happy for you Kat!” I tried to sound like I care, but I hadn’t the energy.

“Enough about me, how was your night? Did you and Jamie get it on, is that why you sound exhausted? You naughty devil!” I knew she was teasing but I couldn’t be bothered to say something sarcastic back.

“So funny Kat. But I’m going to get going because I'm tired and I’ve had a hectic day, see’ya later Kat.” I hung up to early so I didn’t hear her reply, but I could tell she was in another world now anyways. She had got a step further to her crush, and mine just friend zoned me for the billionth time.

As soon as I hung up, my phone buzzed. I was going to ignore it but I saw the name on the screen ‘Hey bug, I hope your okay, I did my best to cheer you up. Keep the t-shirt as a memorabilia for when I’m famous;) I’m glad we’re back to normal, I missed my best friend. Anyways night bug. Xxx’ He felt the same as me! He had missed me! My mood just went from zero to a billion within 5 seconds of reading the text. Should I text him back straight away, or leave it a little? No, I don’t want him to think I'm ignoring him but I don’t want him  to think I'm clingy.

 ‘Hey J. Yeah you cheered me up a lot, thank you. You need to ignore Dan too, he’s all mouth and no trousers. Oh how I’ve missed your ego;) Me too, I really did enjoy hanging out with you again. Night Jamie. Xxx’ I closed my eyes and sent the text, my heart pounded right until it said the message as sent. I decided to wait until the morning to read the reply, so I switched my phone of. I went to sleep excited for the day ahead. My life is now back on track, finally!

Chapter 3

I woke up the next morning feeling refreshed and extremely happy. Yesterday wasn’t a very good day, but it ended leaving me with a smile and a clear conscious. I didn’t check my phone straight away, just in case he didn’t he didn’t text back, I didn’t want to be disappointed. I checked on my mom, thankfully she just had a really bad hangover that needed bed rest. Least I wouldn’t have to deal with her 20 questions when I got home from school.

Once I’d finished getting ready for school, I finally plucked up the courage to turn on my phone. I shut my eyes until the noise letting me know my phone was on played. He did text back, it was an hour after I text him, but at least he replied. ‘Sorry if you’re sleeping but when our moms go to the spa weekend, I’m having a party on the Friday, well it’s more like a gathering but yeah, you can bring Katie too! I’d love if you could make it.’ I decided to reply in person, seems more appropriate. I had to pick Katie up today, so I set of early.

“Hey Gracie, thanks for hanging up on me last night.” Wow, someone was grumpy this morning.

“I’m sorry, but I know how to make up for it.” This managed to get her to look at me. “ Guess who got us invited to Jamie’s party Friday night!” I had my ‘don’t-be-mad’ face on, and she couldn’t resist to smile.

“Are you serious! Oh my god, I forgive you for hanging up on me, even though it was a time in history!” She hugged me, and made me swerve the car. “Oh shit sorry, just so happy right now! My life is like Justin Bieber amazing!”

“Well my life's pretty good too, aside from the stalker ex-boyfriend that won’t leave me alone.” I let out a sigh. I’d like to think Dan would find someone else, who would occupy him enough to stay away from me. Maybe I was asking too much, but a girl can wish. As I pulled into the school parking lot, I saw Jamie stood by his car. He must have seen my car approaching because he waved, Katie and I both returned the wave. I stole the parking space next to his. I didn’t realize how close my car door was to Jamie, so when I opened the door, I almost knocked him to the ground.

“Oh shoot, Jamie are you okay? I’m so sorry! I didn’t realize how close you were!” I jumped out the car faster than the roadrunner.

“Ha, yeah bug, sure you didn’t see me. Your just getting me back for making you spill spaghetti down your new shirt!” He rubbed his side with a playful tone to his voice. “No, I’m fine honestly.”

“Now you have a memorabilia of me!” I winked at him, Katie just stood look confused at our conversation.

“Yeah Gracie, Jake’s waiting for me over  there, I’ll catch you later!” Katie had already left before she finished the sentence. I was left to walk alone with Jamie. I decided to break the silence by telling him I would love to come Friday.

“So I got your text, I’d love to come Friday. Should be fun.” I tried not to sound too excited about it, I tried playing it cool.

“Great bug! I’m glad you can make it!”

***

The day seemed to go by so quickly, and it was lunch before I knew it. Oddly, he came and sat with me at lunch, maybe because he felt bad that I was on my own, but hey who’s complaining. Dan was sat on the table opposite, staring at me and Jamie as we talked. He seemed to notice because after a while he put his arm around me and whispered “play along” in my ear, so I did. It wasn’t just Dan we were pissing off, Charlotte was staring at us too.

“You do realize Charlotte’s staring at us too you know?” I said playfully, acting on it because I knew we were being watched.

“Oh I know, it just makes this more fun.” As he turned to look at me and our noses bumped, that must have been it for Dan, because he came stomping over knocking everything in his path. Jamie and I immediately jumped up.

“Dan, dude chill, it’s just a joke!” Jamie tried to settle him but it made him worse because he pushed Jamie.

“WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING WITH HER?” Dan’s fist were clenched tight by his side. I decided to interject before things got ugly.

“Hey would you drop it Dan! You were the one that ended out 2 year relationship, Jamie and I are friends I didn’t act this way when you hooked up with Stacy! I’m nothing to do with you anymore. So piss off and stop making a fool out of yourself. It’s embarrassing.” A small crowd had gathered around me, Jamie and Dan.

“Fuck off Gracie, you wanna know the truth, I cheating on you for the whole second year of our relationship because I couldn’t stand you. The only reason I stayed with you was because you’re hot and it made me more popular. ~Jamie, you’re welcome to the boring bitch.” I was humiliated, everyone was looking at me with pity, even Jamie. I couldn’t cope so I ran to the girls bathroom and locked myself in the cubicle.

“Gracie what happened?” Katie knocked on the cubicle door. “Jamie’s in the principal’s office, they got into a fight..”

 “What?” I opened the cubicle door.

“I walked in the cafeteria and Dan pushed Jamie, then Jamie punched him and they started fighting. Cara told me you were in here, what happened?”

“Dan said that he cheated on me for a whole year with Stacy, I’m so humiliated.” I cried on her shoulder.

“Then he deserved that ass-whooping Jamie gave him, the bastard.” She hugged me. “You know what we need? And shopping spree, it’s the party tomorrow, and we gotta show Jamie what he’s missing! And I’m pretty sure we haven’t been shopping in a while, it is much needed.” Her eyes shone it the mention of going shopping, she loved shopping, especially with me; she once called me her Barbie doll because she could dress me up.

I liked going shopping with her, she always knew what to look for, I was just clueless. I mean, I know what looks cute and stuff, but sometimes I get a little distracted by other things and end up getting bored of shopping. When I go with Katie, she keeps me in line. “ So how about after school? Go straight to the Mall?”

“Um yeah, I’d love to” I think Katie could tell that I wasn't that enthusiastic about it, but she said nothing. “ I need to go and find Jamie.” I ran out of the bathroom, straight to the principal’s office; ignoring everyone’s stares. But he wasn’t there. Out of the window, I saw him walking towards his car, I ran as fast as I could to catch him.

“Jamie, Hey! Wait up!” I started panting as I got to him.

“Gracie I’m sorry about what he said, that was really horrible.”

“Are you okay?” I took hold of his hand in mine, it looked bruised and swollen.

“I just couldn’t stand the things he was saying about you so I hit him. He’s such a jerk for not realizing how perfect you are Gracie. I can’t believe you stayed with him two years.” He squeezed my hand with his.

“ I feel so stupid.” He took my face in his hands.

“No Bug, he should feel stupid. Choosing Stacy over you? There’s no competition with you or any girl at this school, you’re so amazing.” He slowly lowered his face to mine until I lips met and we kissed. In the middle of the school parking lot. I didn’t want it to end but he pulled away. “I’m sorry Bug, I gotta go.”

He got in his car and drove off. He left me stood there, confused.

***

I decided I’d text my mom, I hadn’t checked my phone since this morning, and she might be worried. I had a text message from my mom: ‘Gracie, just letting you know I’m alive, I’m ill but alive LOL. Love mom. X’ I hated it when she said ‘LOL’ she wasn’t even that old she was 33 for god sake, I don’t know why she acts like she’s 50. ‘Hey mom, glad you’re alive and kicking. I’m going to the mall after school, so I’ll see you later. Love G. X’ For some reason I felt a little disappointed. Jamie hadn’t text me.  I know he never said he would, but I guess I just hoped he would.

The rest of the school day went by like a blur. It wasn't like I was excited for shopping, but at least it kept me occupied. When the final school bell rang, it was like a weight being lifted from my shoulders, the amount of people that came up to me asking about Jamie and what happened, or were me and Jamie together. I gave everyone the same simple answers, that way I know they couldn’t twist anything or make things up. This is why I hated high school, it was based on nothing but rumors. It’s like people need them to live, otherwise they can’t function on a daily basis. The amount of rumors that have been spread about me and Katie, some are so ridiculous, once someone spread a rumor that me and Katie were lesbians; I’m pretty sure that it was charlotte spread it. It soon died down when me and Dan got together. I met Katie at my car, oddly she was already there waiting, I checked my watch to see if I was late but I was on time. Katie was early for once. I decided not to tell her about the kiss until I knew what to make of it.

The drive to the mall took fifteen minutes, but it felt endless with Katie’s nonstop talk about Jakes abs. We headed to our favorite shop; Miss Selfridge. It was expensive, but boy was the clothes cute! We both separated and at met back at the changing rooms.  I had picked out Katie’s clothes, and she picked out mine. I know it’s weird but that I way I knew I’d get nice clothes picked out, and for some strange reason I could pick out other peoples clothes but not mine. She handed me 3 dress, 2 crop tops, a pair of shorts and a cute skirt. I handed her two dresses, three tops and a skirt. We chose booths adjacent to each other.

First I tried on a pink crop top that had the words ‘kiss me’ across the top; wasn't my usual taste. I also tried on the shorts, or should I say short shorts, they looked like they had been made for a 7 year old. Katie shouted to see if I was ready, so I walked out of the booth. She was wearing one of the dresses that I thought would suit her, but apparently not it was ‘way too long’. When I walked out she told me to walk back in and take it off, I took that as a misjudgment on Katie’s behalf. She did the same with the other stuff I tried on except for the last dress; it was red, and had a halter-neck  strap. It clung to my body, which I hated, but this time it felt different. I looked at myself before I went out, it actually looked good. My boobs looked great, which was a plus and it came just a little above my knee. When I walked out Katie’s jaw dropped. Usually, I’d tell her to  stop catching flies, but I didn’t mind it this time.

“Gracie, oh my god you look hot! Now I have to find a dress that’s better, otherwise I'm going to look a tool next to you!” Her eyes dropped to my boobs, and her jaw fell open once again. “Your boobs! Wow! Did you have a visit to the plastic surgeon over the summer?”  She began walking forward, her hands at the ready to test if they were my own.

“ Would you stop!” I pushed her hands away and covered my chest with my arms. “ No, all natural, but anyways this the dress I should get?” I tried my best to avert her eyes that were glued on my chest.

“YES! Of course it’s the dress, Jamie is going to be drooling over you and the fun bags that are placed on your rib cage!” She said with such amazement in her eyes, it was unreal. “ Don't worry about me finding a dress, I have the perfect one at home.”

I didn’t reply, I just walked into the booth and got changed. I had tried so hard not to think about Jamie all day, but since Katie had brought him up, he was all that was on my mind. When I get home, I’m going to text him. Yeah, that's what I'm gunna do. I paid $50 for the dress which I thought was a bargain. I asked Katie if she wanted to come round mine, but she said she said Jake was coming over to work on the science project, I haven’t seen her that excited about science, ever! I didn’t have to give her a ride either because he came to pick her up. I got home to find my mom in the living room with her clothes spread out on the floor and a suitcase and duffel bag beside them, I forgot about her spa weekend, she was leaving in the morning.

“Hey sweetie, have fun? Ooo I see you’ve been spending, c’mon show me what my cash is being spent on!” She waved her hand instructing me to come show her. I got the dress out of the bag and let it fall loose. “Oh wow, that is beautiful honey! What’s the big occasion? You better not be having a party hear missy! I swear to god if I find out you even had more than two people here I will-“

“Mom. Stop, I’m not having a party, don’t worry. Just a friends having a party that's all. Nothing special.” She must have noticed I was nervous about something, I just prayed she didn’t guess that it was Jamie having a party. I’d be the most hated person at my school.

“Oh I get it, there’s a boy your trying to impress?” I looked away,  I knew it. Now I’m going to have to transfer schools! Oh what have I done! “Aw sweetie why didn’t you just say you were going on a date. Jeeze, I’m not going to kill you, I know you’ve been with boys before.” Oh my god, did she really just say that. I could feel my cheeks burning, my mother knew I had sex! Oh no, how am I suppose to cover this one up! I covered my face; my face felt like it was going to explode. “ No don’t be embarrassed! I just want to make sure your going to be safe, don’t want you ending up like me now do we! I’m sorry.” She could barely contain her laughter. My own mother was now laughing at me. Great!

When I was in the safety off my room I decided to text Jamie. ‘Hey J, I was just checking if you were okay? You kinda left in a hurry before I could ask what that was… Text back when you can xx’ I sent it before I could changed my mind. If he text back, it would be perfect, if not well then at least I tried. Maybe I should text him again  and tell him how I feel? No, bad idea, then I have to face him tomorrow at school, and then the party. But I gotta face him sometime, right? I buried my face into my pillow. Why oh why me!

 I felt the buzz of my phone under the pillow. ‘Hey grace, look I some things to think through, see you Friday.’ What was that suppose to mean? I was so confused, it made my head hurt.

Chapter Three

My sleep provided me with an escape for the days in tales. But my alarm clock soon brought me back to reality. The first thing I did was check my phone for any messages. Nope, nothing. Maybe he fell asleep. I had to call Katie, I know I’m only going to be seeing her in an hour but it was important. She answered the second time I called her, she never said hello, just let out a little grunt. “Katie, oh I’m so glad you’re awake. I've done something so stupid. I text Jamie and told him how I felt and he didn't reply! I didn't mean to send it, you know I hate touch screens!” I came up for air. “What am I going to do, I've made a huge mistake.”
“Wait, you did what. Are you crazy! You know you have to face him at school right? And then the party! Maybe you should skip school, that way you don’t see him all day until the party and he may be too drunk to remember.” That definitely woke her up. She did have a point though, I could go and tell my mom I was ill then go to the party.
“Yeah, I’ll see you tonight, I’m feeling a bit nauseous anyways. Let me know if he’s at school!” I got a grunt as a reply too, but I knew she’d text me anyways. I went downstairs to find my mom doing a last minute check on her suitcase. “Mom I don’t feel too good, do you mind calling school and telling them I'm ill? I really just wanna go back to bed, but don’t worry I’m sure I’ll be okay tomorrow.”
“Aw sweetheart, I hope you are okay. You head on back up to bed and I call your school.” She kissed me on the for head and told me she’d see me Monday morning. I couldn't believe how tired I actually felt. I fell straight back to sleep. When I woke up again it was 11 am, wow I must've needed that sleep, I woke up to a text from Katie: ‘No sign of Jamie. I asked Jake it he’d seen him but apparently he said he was having the day off to get ready for tonight. Love Katie! x’ I couldn't be bothered to text back. I’d just see her tonight. I decided to be grumpy for the day, so I sat and watched the saddest films ever made; The notebook, Marley and me and My sister’s keeper. I was also accompanied by Ben and Jerry's cookie dough, my favorite. Half way through crying my eyes out at the last film I got a text from Katie, she was coming here straight after school to get ready, she thought I would need some company after being ignored by Jamie, and because she was worried I might not turn up at her door. Since it was 3:45, I guesses she’d be here soon, so I give the living room a little tidy round. Before I knew it Katie was at my door, her makeup box in on hand, her bag in the other.
“What the hell, you look rough Gracie, have you been crying?” I nodded at her, she sounded truly concerned. “ No no no, you can’t cry over him, he’s not worth it babe!” she stroked my cheek.
“No, I wasn't crying over Jamie! I've been watching my sisters keeper, and it made me cry. You know I can’t watch sad films without crying my eyes out..” Why was I trying to defend Jamie, he had been a jerk by ignoring me. But maybe he didn't get the message, or he was just too busy to reply. I’m just going to forget about it, from now on he can be the one to talk first. He can make the effort.
Getting ready for the party really took my mind off the whole Jamie incident. It’s the first time since summer me and Katie had properly gotten ready together, I missed it. When you get ready for a party on your own, time just seems to drag, and its kinda lonely. Whereas when someone’s there with you, time flies because you’re having fun. We started getting ready at 5pm, and it was now 7pm! Katie made me rush and get my dress on because we were leaving in five minutes. She’d already headed downstairs to call a cab. I took one last look at myself in the mirror, for once I felt beautiful; My hair was wavy like a mermaid, it was in a middle parting and was pinned at the sides. I wore a little more makeup than usual, but it was to complete my whole outfit, not for a boy. I headed downstairs, my heels in one hand and clutch bag in the other. Seeing Katie, it was like looking at a painting, she was so beautiful, and it made me feel like crap stood next to her, but I still felt great. The cab arrived 15minutes late, and Katie gave the driver a bit of attitude, and we only had to pay $5. I rang the doorbell of Jamie's house, wishing so hard in my head that he wouldn't answer the door. It startled me to see it wasn't him stood greeting us, it was Liam. He greeted and complimented Katie, then he looked at me then down at my chest.
“ My eyes are up here Liam.” I pointed towards my eyes, I could tell it made he feel embarrassed and uncomfortable so I gave him a cheeky nudge as I walked in. He ran through to the kitchen so I slowly followed, only to hear this: “Guys, Katie and Grace just got here. You wanna see Gracie, oh god she looks so hot, but don’t look at her chest, she doesn't like that.” I felt flattered at Liam's compliment and I was just about to burst into the kitchen when I heard his voice.
“She’s always been hot, she’s just not vain about it. And I'm not surprised she doesn't like you looking at her chest, she’s not that kind of girl.” Jamie sounded quite annoyed at what Liam said. There was nothing much said so I decided it was time to face Jamie. I put my confident face on and marched on into the kitchen. Despite what Liam and Jamie said, immediately everybody stared at my chest, even Jamie.
“Yeah, everyone I’d like to point out the obvious fact that my eyes are on my face not my chest.” I was starting to regret wearing this dress, I wasn't a person, I was boobs on legs. I heard people mumble sorry, then they all looked away. Jamie was now stood staring right at me, I wanted to look away but I couldn't. ‘ C'mon Gracie you gotta be the bigger person, smile and go over and say hi!’ I did exactly what my head told me to, even though it felt like my heart was beating that hard it was trying to push me back. “Hey Jamie, thanks again for the invite.” He just nodded at me and walked away. Seriously a nod. What a Jerk! I needed a drink. I walked over to were all the alcohol was and I grabbed a bottle of wkd, the blue flavor . I still felt someone staring at me, but it wasn't Jamie. I turned round to find Charlotte’s eyes locked on me. Now, I really wasn't in the mood so I just waved at her, she soon turned away. I decided to go to the living room, where I found Jamie stood on his own. This time I mean it, he has to make the effort first. It was like he’d just read my mind because he was walking right towards me! When he go to me, he leaned down and whispered in my ear to follow him. I stood still for about 5 seconds, then I realized I should follow him, so I did. I followed him to his back yard where he was sitting on the swing set we used to play on as kids. I sat on the swing beside him.
“I got your text.” He saw my getting ready to apologize and he butted straight in. “ Would you stop apologizing for things you haven’t done bug! It’s my fault, I never text you back because I didn't know how to write all my feelings and it didn't feel right to me. So here goes.” He took a deep breath, shut his eyes tight, then looked me straight in the eye. “ Bug. You’re everything to me, and when I said you were perfect I meant it; your beautiful and you have the best personality I've seen on a girl, ever. I walked off the other day because I wanted to tell you that I liked you but I was scared you didn't feel the same. But now I know you do, and you know what? It was the best feeling in the world! I've liked you even before we had sex, that sounds weird, but yeah you know what I mean. Every time I see you bug, I get nervous and when you smile it’s like the whole world stops.” He leaned in closer and put his arm around me and with the other he wiped away an unexpected tear that rolled down my cheek.
“If I knew that you were going to say that, I would've text you earlier. I felt so stupid when you didn't text back, like you didn't like me or you thought I was to clingy and-.” Our foreheads were now touching. He was laughing. “What are you laughing at!”
“You bug, you always put yourself down, and you never stop talking!” He had the biggest grin on his face. I never realized what he was doing until our noses bumped. He was going to kiss me! My heart was racing, like 100 beats per minute! Grace, breath, just breath.
“Gracie! I need you!” Katie called from the other end of the yard. Jamie pulled away, so I gave him a smile that said I was sorry. He just nodded again. I hated the way his mood changed. As I walked towards Katie I turned back to look to see if Jamie was still there, he was, along with Charlotte. What was she up to, she followed us out in the garden before. She must be up to something.
“What is it Kat?” I was quite concerned considering the way she called for me.
“Oh I was just shouting to tell you that I’m not staying at yours now, I’m spending the night at Jakes.” The grin on her face said it all, it made me feel a little sick at the thought of Katie and Jake. But I just told her that it was fine, and she should have a good time. Which I’m sure she would. When I walked back to the yard, I noticed that Jamie and Charlotte had gone. The only other person in the yard was Liam.
“Hey Liam, did you see where Jamie went?” I asked pointing where he was sat before.
“Oh yeah, he went upstairs with Charlotte.” He sounded concerned. My heart sank. Why would he do this to me? “Gracie, are you okay, I saw you two getting pretty close, and then you walk off and Charlotte just jumped on him. He looked pretty cut up about something.”
“I’m just going to go find him and sort it out, cause apparently what he said to me was all lies.” My angry radiated my whole body, and I ran up Jamie's stairs like someone was chasing me with a knife, Liam wasn't too far behind. When I got to Jamie's I hesitated, did I really want to see what was behind the door? No, I needed to see what was going on, and my anger needed to be let off in some way. When I opened the door, I was relieved to see that they were both fully clothed, not so relieved to see Charlotte on top of Jamie. I could hear Liam take a deep breath when he saw too.
“What the hell is going on here?” I have no idea where it came from, I just wanted to hit Charlotte in the face. Charlotte jumped up of Jamie and walked towards me with a smug smile on her face. “ Oh I should have known Charlotte, Jamie was the only one on your list that you haven’t slept with yet, need to keep up a perfect record now, don’t we?” With that, Charlotte palm hit my face, it stung like a bee sting.
“You have no idea how long I wanted to do that! You have been a pain in my ass ever since we stopped talking in sophomore year. You wanna know why we stopped talking? Because your nothing but a jealous little rat.” I could see this was giving her great satisfaction. “No wonder your dad doesn't want to know you, and Jamie doesn't want you, Dan didn't want you; that's why he came running to me all the time. I mean who would want you, look at you, you just a sad loser Grace.” Before I knew it my fist hit her right in the Jaw. It felt so good! I’m guessing by the scream that came from Charlotte, it wasn't so good for her. Then I saw Jamie, he was looking at my with the most sympathetic look in his eyes I've ever seen. I ran out of the room, tears were streaming down my face, Katie tried to grab me but I shook her off. When I got out of the house, I felt another hand n my arm, it was tighter this time, I knew it was Jamie.
“Would you get off me!” I spun round and pushed him away. “ How could you do this to me! Who tells someone that they like them, and then gets in bed with another girl, WHO DOES THAT!” I was so mad at him. It felt like someone had just ripped out my heart and stomped all over it.
“Bug! You don’t understand, she came over to me and told me that you left with Liam! I knew I shouldn't have believed her but I felt so crushed after I told you how I felt, it seemed like you didn't care! Bug I’m so sorry, please listen to me!” He tried grabbing my hands but I pushed him away. I noticed he was crying.
“If I really meant that much to you Jamie, you would never have gone with her, you would have come to find! I’m done trying to get you to notice me, you know I bought this dress to impress you? Yeah turns out I just made a total joke out of myself right, cause you don’t even seem to notice me! You can make the effort with me now, I’m sick of trying. When you've made your mind up please let me know.” It felt good to get that off my chest, I just let me emotions flow right in front of him and I didn't even care. I didn't want to hear what he had to say, I just walked away. I walked until I got home.
When I got home, I just slumped to the floor, my emotions over come me, I couldn't breathe, it was like Charlotte has sucked all the air out of me. I couldn't contain my tears, my chest felt like it was about to cave in. How could he do this? Why would he do this? The voice popped in my head again. ‘Grace, stop. Your stronger than this, get up and get a shower, just forget about tonight. Forget about everyone. Go on, get up.’ The little voice was right, my heart was intent on not letting me get up but I pushed myself up and got into the shower. The hot water hitting me was so relaxing, it was like rain but warm. I did forget about the nights in tales, only for a minute but it felt so great! For some reason, I put on Jamie's t-shirt that he let me borrowed the night of the dinner. It still smelt of him. I pushed away the tear and swallowed the lump in my throat, as much as it hurt, I smiled. When I was drying my hair my phone began to ring, it was Katie.
“Gracie oh, are you okay? I heard what happened, Charlotte’ a little leach and she was jealous . You can’t blame Jamie, he was hurt cause he thought you didn't care. Just after you left he kicked everyone out, he looked like he’d been crying.” I heard a knock at my door, weird, why would Katie call and the knock on my door?
“Look I have to go, but I’m fine. Talk to you later.” I hung up on her again, I couldn't stand to hear her defend him. I ran down the stairs, all I had on was Jamie’s t-shirt and some bed shorts. I opened the door to find Jamie stood there. His eyes were sadder than before, but he gave me a sweet little smile. Despite it all, it still made my heart flutter like I was seeing him for the first time. I tried to block it out, so I slammed his door in his face, but he managed to push back.
“Bug! I’m sorry please let me in. Let explain. Please?” He looked like he was going to cry, he was the first boy I’ve ever seen cry over a girl. So I let him in, I never said a word just moved aside, leaving a little gap for him to see through. He banged him head on the on the door, I couldn't help but laugh at him. “ Aw see I knew you couldn't stay mad at me bug.” He gave me a cheeky wink, so I elbowed him in the ribs. He moved closer so he was looking down on me, he was at least 6’2 and I was only 5’6. He placed both hands gently on my face, I tried to pull back but he wasn't going to let me go. “ You know bug, if you like someone for longer than four months without losing any feeling just gaining more, it means you love that person. And guess what? I've liked you so much longer than 4 months so I guess that means I love you bug.” The oxygen left my body once again, but for good reasons this time. I was speechless, all that came out of my mouth was babble. He laughed and put his finger over my mouth. “ Don’t say anything bug, I know you feel the same its obvious. Nice shirt by the way.” He winked at me. I was about to protest but I felt his lips touch mine gently. I pulled away out of shock, but it felt so nice. I caught his gaze, his eyes had gone from being so said, to glowing within 4 seconds. This time I leaned in for the kiss, not just a peck, a proper kiss. It gave me Goosebumps just being this close to him. I was kissing him! It felt magical, like something had taken over my body. Before I knew it Jamie picked me up and he was carrying me upstairs, to my room. Oh god it was going to happen, again! This time it was different though, it meant something, it was special. I think I was having a panic attack, oh please not now, nothing is going to ruin this. “Do you wanna do this bug?” He asked as he laid me down on my bed, I nodded. He kissed me again, then took off his shirt. His body was like a god! Like it had been chiseled by angels. I tried my best not to stare but it was too perfect not to. He then took my shirt off and leaned down to kiss my neck. I won’t go into detail, but the night was perfect, magical even. I did not expect my night to end like this, but I’m glad it did.

Chapter Four

I forced my eyes open the next morning, I hoped it wasn't a dream. I prayed even. My eyes wouldn't fully open, so I used my hands to see if anyone was there. I felt nothing at first, my heart sank a little. Then I felt something warm touch my arm, my eyes had fully open now, and I saw him looking at me, smiling. He was so perfect, it almost took my breath away. The way he looked at me made me feel like I was the only person in the world that mattered. Made me feel special. His eyes glistened brighter than I've ever seen them go, for the first time in a while he looked happy.
“Good morning bug, you look like you slept well.” He winked at me, as a huge smile spread across his face.
“No I didn't, had some great lump hogging the bed all night.” I returned the wink. I could tell by the smile on his face he knew I was lying. My sleep was amazing, cuddling Jamie made me feel safe and secure; I could feel his muscles in his arms tense every time I moved. It was weird being with Jamie like this because we've never been this close; well except for the first time, but we never cuddle, straight after we were playing COD. I laughed at the memory. “ You remember the first time we did it? You were so nervous, straight after you were like ‘ So, you wanna play COD?’ I could hear your voice shaking. Aw you were so cute, what happened?” He gave me a cheeky nudge.
“I got experience Bug, that's what happened. I was only nervous because I’d liked you for so long and I didn't think you liked it, you don’t know what it’s like, you’re not a boy! But when I was with other girls, I wasn't as bothered because I didn't care, can’t believe I’m gonna say this, but I wanted to get better, to impress you.” He went shy all of a sudden and tried covering his face when he saw me laughing.
“Oh no, I wasn't laughing at you.” I tried to pull his hands from his face, but he was so strong. I decided to switch tactics and just tickle him, that soon did the trick. “ I wasn't laughing at you, I was just laughing at the fact you were trying to impress me. Sex doesn't matter to me, I mean it was amazing don’t get me wrong, but I could live without it. You can’t use me as an excuse for you to be a slut either.” I gave him my cheekiest smile just so he’d no I was messing with him.
“And you think I need it too live? Thanks bug. And I am not a slut, just very popular.” His face looked pretty hurt by what I said, it made me feel bad. He noticed that the smile had gone from my face. He grabbed my chin gently and pulled my head up so my nose was touching his. He kissed me, it was better than the first time. He was so gentle with every touch, you wouldn't have thought he was a football player! I could feel him smile as we kissed, it was the best feeling to know that he thought it was just as good as I did. “I know it’s too soon but, I love you bug, I really do.”
I hesitated before I replied “ I-I love you too” I hope it sounded real, because I meant it. I smile of relief spread across his face, made my heart flutter. “ I hate to ruin the moment, but I have to ask. Um, did you like Charlotte? Crazy I know but when she was around it was like you were trying to make her jealous. I- I don’t know, just me being stupid I guess.” I tried to turn away, but he held on tight.
“I was trying to make her jealous.” Wow. I wish I never asked. My chest felt like it was caving again, but I tried not to show it hurt. “But not in the way you think. It was horrible of me I know, I just know how she treated you and I knew she liked me and the only way I could hurt her was to make her jealous. It makes me sound like a horrible person I know, and I'm not like that but she was hurting you and that's one thing I can’t stand.” He genuinely looked hurt by what he had done. But all I thought was happy thoughts of seeing Charlotte with a fat lip.
“Oh I understand now. I just thought like, I don’t know, forget I said anything. Nothing’s going to ruin this, not last night or anything that's in the future.” I climbed on top of him. “ I have you, and you’re not going anywhere Mr! You’re stuck for life baba.” I winked at him, and leaned in for a kissed and bit his nose. “ That is what you get for going with her, be warned there’s worse were that came from!” We play fought for a while, I won obviously. The rest of the day we spent in bed watching films, and eating junk food, it was bliss. He even got me dinner in bed(we ordered pizza and he went and got it from the delivery man and brought it upstairs, the thought that counts right?) He ate most of it because I was full on cookies. He stayed the night again, this time no sex. It was even better without it, just talking to each other, having each other’s constant attention, knowing that he was listening to my every word. Cuddling his muscular body unimaginably made me fall to sleep as soon as I closed my eyes, he was like my own personal radiator/ comfy pillow. I felt protected in his arms, he made me forget all my problems, they didn't matter when I was with him. It was the best sleep I've ever had, the worst part was waking up to no one there. I found a note next to were Jamie’s body: ‘Hey beautiful, sorry I couldn't be there when you woke up, you just looked so peaceful and cute. Max called me and the house is a mess, my mom gets home, and I will be dead if she sees the place like that. But I will see you Monday, my gorgeous GIRLFRIEND! I love you xxx!

’ I checked the time, it was 11 am! Jeeze, I must have been tired, but I felt refreshed. The note started my day perfectly, nothing would ruin my mood. I checked my phone, 3 miss calls from my mom and 1 from Katie. I decided to call my mom.
“Oh it’s alive! Why the heck haven’t you been answering your phone Missy? I'm just letting you know, we’re on our way home, and will be home within the next hour.” My mom said very slowly, like I had a problem or something.
“Okay mom, I understand. You don’t have to talk to me like I'm slow, I’ve been sleeping not having a lobotomy.” I spoke loud and clear, just so she understand, got to have gotten my slowness from someone.
“Gracie what is wrong with you lately? You’ve been so moody and your attitude stinks, you either perk up your attitude or I will call your father and you can stay with him! He can deal with you, I am sick of it Gracie! Sick of it! One stupid night and I have to live with the mistake. You are ungrateful Gracie. Just like him!” I could hear Mia in the background say something like ‘ It’s not her fault Sara, don’t take it out on her.’
“What are you talking about, I haven’t seen dad in like a year and you expect me to go and stay with him because you’re sick of my attitude? Maybe you should have used protection and you wouldn’t have the burden of me. I don’t see why it bothers you so much because your never here! You’re either at work, out looking for ‘Mr right’ or hung over in bed. I’d rather be like my dad than you, you’re so selfish! No wonder I spent so much time with Mia, you couldn’t be bothered to look after your own daughter.” She always had to do this ruin my mood! I heard my mom crying, then Mia’s voice broke the silence. Hearing my mom cry made me sad but this time, I had had enough.
“Gracie sweetie, you can come stay with us for the night, you can share a room with Jamie or something, your mom’s had a few problems this weekend, and she didn’t mean anything she said. She just needs a break, so get your stuff ready and head over to mine, I’ll let Jamie know so don’t worry about that okay?” She sounded kinda worried, which made me kinda worry about what had gone on. But I just pushed it to the back of my mind for a later date. I got my beg ready, packing my cutest pj’s because I was sharing a room with Jamie. Then it hit me, would we have to tell his mom? I wasn't ready for that, it’d only been 2 days! I need to stop over thinking things, it makes my brain hurt. I got my bag ready and myself ready and headed out the door, I didn’t bother tiding up, after what she said I thought I’d act on my ungratefulness.
The walk to Jamie's was long and peaceful, it gave me chance to clear my head. What my mom said really hurt me, I finally knew what I meant to her, I was just the product of a stupid mistake she clearly regrets. And she resents me for it. The walk had taken half an hour and by the time I got to the house I was so tired and I had a migraine. Max saw me approach the drive way because he was packing his stuff into his friends car. He was leaving for college tonight.
“Hey Gracie, how are you? Nice right hook by the way, never thought you had it in you.” He raised his hand for a high five, so I hit his hand. “ Oh yeah, this is Joe, Joe, Gracie, Gracie, Joe.” Joe held his hand out to shake mine so I shook it and smiled politely, it felt like such a formal meeting.
“Hi, Joe right?” He let out a laugh, I must say, it was a beautiful laugh. He was more tanned than Max; which made him look like a milk bottle. His hair was blonde and he had green eyes, he wasn't a bad looking kid.
“Nice to meet you Gracie” He smiled at me, still laughing at what I said. I wasn't that funny was I? Before I knew it Jamie came bouncing out the door.
“Bug! Your here!” He ran over, and kissed me, right in front of Max. When he pulled away, I was kinda shocked and embarrassed I didn’t know where to look. Max looked kinda pissed off, his face had tensed up, like us kissing had annoyed him. Weird. “C’mon, we have to cook dinner, and I hear your a great cook.” I could tell he was being sarcastic, because the last time I cooked dinner, I set the house on fire. “We have the fire brigade on speed dial.” He winked at me so I hit him playfully on the arm.
“My cooking is not that bad, it was my mom’s fault for not telling me how long it was suppose to be on the stove for.” I attempted to defend myself even though I knew it was pointless. Jamie just laughed and lead me into the house, I felt Max’s eyes watch us as we walked in. He was acting so strange. We were having spaghetti again, this time I was determined not to get food all down me. Just as we were plating up the dinner, Mia walked through the door look stressed. I thought the whole point of a spa weekend was to de-stress. She must have seen my concerned look and smiled instantly.
“Hey guys, it smells great!” she shouted of Max and Joe, if Max was still acting weird, this was going to be awkward. I passed everyone their plates, and sat down next to Jamie. “So, since when have you two been an item, and why I have I only just found out?” I could tell she was joking, she didn’t mind stuff like this, she was laid back and she trusted me, which is more than I can say about my own mother.
“Since Friday.” Jamie replied with a grin on his face and a mouth full of food.
“Jamie! Don’t talk with your mouth full. But I’m happy for you guy’s, and I forgot to tell you, me and you have to go out for a while, visit your grandma. Max went yesterday, so it’s your turn today. Gracie you won’t mind staying here with Max and Joe would you?”
“No of course not.” I smiled then glanced at Max, he was just glaring at his plate. I got up and I was about to grab everyone’s plate, but Mia stopped me.
“Hunny, you don’t have to do that. I’ll do it when I get back.” She patted my hand and smiled.
“Oh well I just figured that cause I'm staying tonight, I ought to do something.” I looked down.
“No you are our guest, and besides Jamie will do it while we have a little chat.” She winked at me, and when Jamie tried to protest, she put her hand over his mouth and made him nod. “Get your coat on Mr, if you wanna be there and back.” Jamie left the room in a huff and got his jacket, his mom was waiting in the car, so I walked with him to the door.
“Don't worry, I’ll hurry up with my grandma, no doubt I’ll be texting you all time.” He smiled and leaned into kiss me. He had to lean too far down, so I thought I’d meet him halfway and stood on my tiptoes. The kiss must’ve lasted long because Mia was beeping her horn. Jamie pulled away, he looked embarrassed, and I gave a little laugh. “See you soon bug.” I waved them off.
When I walked into the living room, Max was on his own; Joe had gone to bed after dinner, because they were leaving early next morning. I sat beside Max on the sofa, but a minute later he got up to leave. “What is your problem? Hey, don’t walk away from me! Max!”
“Are you stupid Gracie! I-I- like you okay!” I was stunned, I just stood there with my mouth wide open. He was getting redder and redder. “ I guess I’m too late though right? Even though Jamie treated you like crap for how many years, when you blatantly showed him you liked him. I mean I know I’m going to college, and your with my brother now but I’ve always wanted to tell you how amazing and beautiful you are Gracie.” He stepped closer to me until he was stood right over me. Why is he doing this, is it some kind of test? “I could treat you right, I could love you ten times more than he can. I know he’s my brother but I know what he’s like, how he uses girls.” He grabbed my face, I tried to pull away but before I knew it his lips touched mine. He wasn't gentle like Jamie, he pushed his mouth on to mine so hard I couldn’t breathe. I pushed him away with all my energy.
“What the hell Max! I am with your younger brother, and I love him so much. You can’t let that happen again. I’m sorry that you have those feelings, but it’s not my problem. You’re going to college, and you’re going to find someone so perfect for you. I’m not that person Max.
“I’m sorry, I- um I didn’t think.” He ran his hand through his hair. Max did look a lot like Jamie; they had the same style hair, but Max’s was more rugged. He had a stubbly beard, and big brown eyes that did exactly what Jamie's did, I could tell he was sorry. “Ha, I doubt I’ll find anyone, you set the bar quite high and there’s not many girls like you now. I’m just going to go to bed, off to college in the morning so you’ll never have to face me again.” He kissed me on the forehead, this I wasn't bothered about because he was saying goodbye. His eyes filled up with water, oddly so did mine. “I’m going to miss seeing you Gracie.” As he walked out of the room I told him I’d miss him too, I meant it. As soon as he left I got a text from Jamie; ‘Hey, just letting you know where on the way home! My mom needs to talk to you don’t forget so don’t be falling asleep! I know what you’re like! I love you xx’ I didn’t bother texting back because I knew he would be home in about 15minutes. Against what Mia said, I did the dishes, I felt rude not to have done them. Just as I was putting the last dish away, I heard the door go.
“Hey Gracie, I thought I told you Jamie was going to do them! But thank you anyways.” She smiled sweetly. “Come sit.” She point to the space next to her so I sat without a word. “It’s about your mom, over the weekend she’s been talking with your dad. He wants to see you more. Your mom got a court order the day he left stating that he could only see you on her terms, that's why you haven’t seen him. And he wants to see you more because, um I don’t know how to say this, I really shouldn’t be the one telling you but your dad thought it’d be best coming from someone else.” Oh my god, he wants full custody, I'm going to have to move! My heart was pounding and all these thoughts came bursting into my head. Mia’s voice brought me back to reality. “Grace, your dad. He’s um, he’s dying.” My whole body went numb, Mia’s voice grew harder to hear. I was going to throw up. I got up and ran to the bathroom. This wasn't happening, I mean I know I don’t see my dad a lot, but he was my dad and I loved him. When we did see each other we had a great time. I always missed him, and now I know why he was never there because she wouldn't let him. All this time she drilled it into my head that he didn’t want me, but he’s been fight for me forever. And now it’s too late. Before I left the bathroom, I tried to compose myself, I wiped away the tears and used some of the mouth wash that was on the side and walked out of the bathroom.
“Are you okay Gracie? Go on up to bed, Jamie's upstairs already, and we’ll talk about arranging things in the morning okay?” She gave me a big hug and a sympathetic smile.
“Yeah I’m okay, just a little shocked, but night Mia, thanks for everything.” I waved at her as I walked up the stairs to Jamie’s room. The last time I had seen his room was when I caught him and Charlotte, that made me feel sick again. I knocked before I walked in, I have no idea why, nothing I haven’t seen before. His room looked like his moms, it was so tidy. Wow. I shut the door behind me as he came from the bathroom. “I’m just going to put my pj’s on okay?” walked into the bathroom, pulled out my pj’s and put them on. I looked in the mirror, I looked a mess. But for once I didn’t care. When I walked back into Jamie's room, he was laid on his bed and gestured from me to join him. He had a sad look on his face, so I guessed he knew about my dad. I climbed over him and pushed him further up the bed, he knows that I always sleep near the wall. I tried to put on a brave face and laugh but when I tried, it just crumbled, the wall I’d tried to put up so I wouldn't have to share how I was feeling soon cam falling down on top of me. Jamie grabbed me and hugged me tightly, I almost couldn’t breathe, and it didn’t help that I was crying.
“You wanna talk about it?” He said before kissing my forehead.
“There’s not much to say except that my dad’s dying and I haven’t seen him in a year. I thought he gave up on me so I gave up on him, and now it’s too late. Don't say it’s not because it is. I’m a stranger to him all because of Sara, because she resented him for taking away her life and leaving her with a mistake. She hates him because he moved on, and she’s never gotten over him. I don’t want to end up like her, bitter and resentful.” I would never have imagined telling anyone that, let alone Jamie. He listened, he never protested, he hugged me when he felt I needed one and he kept his full attention on me. It felt nice to have someone to listen. I eventually fell asleep in his arms, I felt bad because the whole night was about me.

Chapter Five

Jamie woke me up at 7 am the next morning, I totally forgot about school. I could just see how my day was going to pan out; everybody would be talking about me and Jamie, the ‘fight’ between me and Charlotte and I would have to face my mom and dad, together in the same room. I decided I was going to focus on school, everything else could wait. Mia had told me at breakfast that my mom and dad would be waiting at home for me after school to talk about things. More like yell. Jamie offered to come round and I took the offer, I needed some moral support and I didn't want to tell Katie, she seemed too occupied by Jake. I considered playing hide and seek under Jamie’s bed just so I wouldn't have to face the day, but he caught me just as I was about to walk up the stairs. I didn't say much when I was slumped in his truck. But he tried to make conversation anyways.
“Well, today should be fun, facing Charlotte, and her messed up face.” He gave me a sly smile. “I’m sure everyone knows about it, it was the fight of the year. I say fight, I mean Charlotte hitting you, you hitting her back, she runs of crying.” He laughed faintly to himself.
“If it happens again, this time it won’t be an accident. I’m really not in the mood for her shit today.” He sighed and said no more, he was the only person that knew what was going on with me. I didn't have to hide my feelings from him, but I did from everyone else. When we parked at school, I grabbed Jamie's arm just before he opened the car door. “Thank you Jamie. I’m sorry I’m being a bitch, I just don’t feel myself today, I don’t mean to take anything out on you. I love you J.” I turned to get out of the car before I started crying, I been doing that a lot recently.
“Don’t worry about it bug, I know what you’re going through. I love you too. You ready for the stares and the ‘Oh my god when did that happen’” He put on a squeaky voice and imitated people at school. I laughed and climbed out of his truck. Jamie walked round the front of his truck and gave me a big hug, then grabbed my hand, with the biggest smile on his face. We walked into school, and immediately everyone’s eyes were on us, evidently Jamie seemed to love it; of course he would, he loved attention. I felt self-conscious so I edged a little behind Jamie so half of me was hidden. When we walked into home room, everyone stopped their conversations. I’m sure I heard someone say ‘ What is she doing, is she stupid? He’s got her wrapped round his little finger.’ Ouch, talk about burn. As we sat down, I also heard someone compliment my fighting skills, which put a smile on my face. “I cannot wait to see Charlotte. I wanna see your handy work bug.” It was like he read my mind. And it was if Charlotte had heard her cue and in walked the devil.
“Speak of the devil, and it shall appear.” I said under my breath, just loud enough so Jamie could hear. He let out a snort of laughter. Charlotte's eyes locked and glared at the both of us. Her lip was still fat and her effort to disguise it was poor. She had bruising on one side of her chin, and her bottom lip was fat and purple. I don’t know where it came from but a burst of laughter escaped my mouth. This did not impress Charlotte, but it did the other people in the class. I’m pretty sure Miss Magee let out a tiny giggle. Charlotte was about to storm out but Miss Magee stopped her.
“Charlotte Pentington, sit down.” Nobody was scared off Miss Magee, she couldn't hurt a fly but when she yelled, she yelled. No one wanted to get on the wrong side of her, even Charlotte wouldn't do that. Unwilling Charlotte went to her seat, her minions followed slowly behind her. When she sat down, Jamie raised his hand, so I slapped it. He swung his arm around me, and planted a kiss right on my cheek, we were the nosiest in the class but it was only home room so who cares. When the bell rang, me and Jamie walked out the classroom, this time his arm was wrapped tightly around me waste. I loved the way he grabbed me in a full room, made me feel like he was proud to have me there. He wasn't in any of my lessons on Monday, so they all dragged. My day was draining and nothing exciting happened at all. Until lunch. I was walking to meet Jamie, when Charlotte stood in my path.
“You think you’re so perfect, walking around like you own the place, shoving yours and Jamie’s ‘relationship’ in my face. Did you forget that he was with me that night? But you always have to go and ruin things don’t you.” She stepped right up to my face, so I stepped back. I noticed a small crowd gather. “You think you’re so big because you hit me, it was a lucky shot by the way. Well guess what, it’s about to come back and bite you in the ass.” She raised her hand to hit me, I was surprised at how quick I reacted; I grabbed her wrist and stepped closer to her.
“I do not think I'm perfect. The only reason Jamie went with you was because you manipulated him. You’re just a jealous bitch that needs to get over herself. And it wasn't a lucky shot, stop trying to compensate for me hitting you. This, whatever is going on between us is over. I don’t even want to argue with you anymore, this doesn't mean I want us to be friends. This means you don’t even exist to me at all, get over yourself and move on.” She was about to protest but I shoved her arm back towards her side. “ It’s over Charlotte.” I turned and pushed my way through the crowd, that had seemingly got bigger. For some reason, this time I didn't want to hit her, I was happy that I just walked away. Proud even. I heard Jamie's voice calling me, so I stopped and sat on one of the empty tables in the cafeteria.
“What just happened? You didn't hit Charlotte again did you? Cause if I missed it I will be pissed.” He laughed and sat down, he’d bought me chili Doritos and a Dr Pepper. “ Here I got you these because I know there your favorite; I know you can’t eat me during school hours, so I’m your desert for later.” He wink at me and leaned in for a cheeky kiss. I leaned in and stole it.
“Mm I’m looked forward to this desert.” I bit my lip and winked at him to tease him. He scowled cheekily at me. “ With me and Charlotte, I was just telling her that she no longer exists to me and that she needs to get over herself blah blah blah.”
“Aw that's my little Viking! Remind me, never get on your bad side.” He squeezed my arms and pulling faces as he did. We were interrupted by Miss Magee.
“Gracie dear, your Dad’s here to pick you up. We've notified you teachers, so that's all dealt with. You better hurry, he’s been waiting 10 minutes already!” She even spoke quickly. As much as I didn't want to do this, I had to say goodbye to Jamie, I know it was only for an hour but it was hard. I kissed him 5 times before I managed to pull myself away because I knew I had to face my dad sooner or later. When I walked to the front of the school, I saw my dad leaning against his white land rover. I hesitated before walking over, I needed time to think what I was going to say; what would you say if you hadn't seen your dad in a year and you just found out he had cancer and he was dying? Difficult huh?. I saw his wife in the driver’s seat of the car, this was going to get more awkward. I wonder if my brother was in the car, I couldn't see that far. My dad had seen me stood there like a stalker just watching them. I edged my way towards him. As I got closer, I saw how ill he actually was, he’d lost a lot of weight; I know it’s been a year but my dad was actually handsome, he was only 32. He didn't actually look like he had long left. It didn't seem fair that he was so young and he was dying. When I had been with my dad he understood me more than my mom, I like being around him. For a year I thought he never wanted to see me but it was my mom stopping him, she was jealous of our relationship; even though we were really close. I couldn't contain my tears, they just flooded out of my eyes. I didn't want him to leave me again. My dad hugged me tightly. I wasn't the same as before, his arms had lost all of their muscle, I felt like I was the one squashing him for once. I didn't feel protected when he hugged me anymore.
“My little girl. I've missed you so much. I’m sorry I didn't try hard enough for you. I’m sorry I haven’t been there for you.” He kissed my forehead then cupped my face in his hands. “But I’m here now and I’m not going anywhere for a while.” He smiled then opened the door of the car, Michelle and Louie greeted me, and I returned the hellos. My dad understood why I wasn't talking, so he didn't try and make conversation. I had noticed Michelle’s belly, at first I thought she was fat but turns out she’s pregnant and it’s a girl; another thing my mom was keeping from me. My little brother Louie was sat beside me, he was 13 and he was the reason my dad left my mom and me. I guess I should be hurt, but my dad tried for me, he just couldn't stay with my mom to do so. Louie and I were very close considering we didn't see each other very often; he was my little brother and I would always look out for him. The journey to my house was awkward and silent, no one said a word and the only sound there was, was from Louie’s Nintendo. When we eventually got to my house, my dad kissed Michelle and Louie bye, and told them he’d see them later for dinner. Apparently so was I. I jumped out of the huge car and waited for my dad, didn't want to face this on my own.
“You ready for this dad?” I gave him a sly smile. We both knew what was going to be waiting behind that door. When I opened it I was surprised to see my mom stood there with the most friendliest smile I've seen on her face.
“Hey guys. Kane how are you?” There was something not right about this situation. What was my mother up too. “Gracie sweetie, take your dad through to the living room and I’ll be in with drinks.”
“Oh mom cut the crap. Stop acting all gracious, we wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you and your stupid games.” It got me so angry when she did this and pretended like nothing was wrong, when t was and it was all her fault.
“Gracie Sophia Taylor that is no way to speak to your mother.” My grandma came round the corner. She hated being called grandma because she was so ‘young’. She did have my mom when she was 16 too, it must run in the family or it’s just a curse. Hopefully, I was going to break free of the curse. My birthday was a month away and I was turning 17. “Now I know she’s no saint, and this is mainly her fault but she is your mother and you treat her with respect. You got that?” What would she know, she obviously screw up my mom so she was like this and the exact same thing was going to happen to me. I sat down on the sofa and my dad sat next to me. My grandma sat opposite and my mom next to her.
“Wow, I forgot how much you look each other.” My mom said with astonishment on her face.
“Oh now I know why you resent me so much, because I remind you of dad and what you lost, right?” I replied sarcastically. My mom’s face dropped. A stabbing pain hit my stomach, I felt bad for how I treated her. “I- I’m sorry mom. I didn't mean that.” I put my face down in shame. “Can I ask though? Why did you keep my dad away for a year? I needed him, I needed you both. And you kept him away from me. You even knew he had cancer but you never told me, that's the worst thing you could ever do and I will never forgive you for that.” I was crying uncontrollably and my dad had his arm around me. My mom was crying too.
“Grace I don’t resent you! I’m sorry I kept things from you and I never would expect you to forgive me because I wouldn't forgive me either. What I did was out of spite towards your dad, and I was jealous. When your dad came round or called you always got so excited to see him, I felt like you forgot about me. So I stopped him from seeing you and told you that he didn't want to see you. I’m so sorry. To the both of you.” My mom cried in to her hands. I just looked at my dad, looking for guidance but he just stared at the floor. Then he raised his head and looked directly at my mom with pain in his eyes.
“ What you did was more than spiteful. Your 32 years old, neither of us is 16 again. You need to start making adult decisions and put what we had behind you. If Gracie wants she can come see me on weekends and some day’s if she wants too.” He looked at me with eagerness in his eyes.
“Um yeah, I’d love to. Get to spend time with you, Michelle and Louie.” I smiled at him sweetly. My mom was just watching us, with hurt in her eyes.
“So that's sorted then. Is Jamie coming round?” My mom asked.
“Jamie Baker? Wow I didn't know you too were still so close.” I felt my face redden with embarrassment.
“Um yeah, but he’s my boyfriend now.” I turned away so I didn't have to look at my dad in the face. He was still very protective over me, this dinner was going to be awkward.
“ Oh well, I’d love to see him. I might just wait until he gets here.” His fist clenched when I told him he was already on the way. I went upstairs to get changed. I heard the front door go and my dad greeting Jamie, then Jamie walking up the stairs.
“ Dude, your dad has got one strong handshake!” He said staring at his hand, inspecting it to see if anything was badly damaged. “ I think he dislocated my pinkie.” He pulled a sad puppy dog face and held his little finger out for me to kiss it. I yanked his finger then kissed it better. “Mm, my lips are hurting too, I think you should kiss those better?” He looked at me cheekily and puckered up his lips. I covered his mouth with my hand and kissed my hand.
“You Mr can stay here and wait for that kiss while I go say bye to my dad. Unless I’ll get him to come up here?” I could see he was scared of my dad, so I teased him about it. He sat patiently on my bed and told me to hurry up. “ I’ll see you on the weekend dad!” I was genuinely excited to spend the weekend with him. I kissed him on the cheek and hugged him goodbye. I stood at the door and waved him, Michelle and Louie off.
“Gracie, I’m going out with Mia and I'm getting ready there.. I’m guessing Jamie’s staying the night. I won’t be home too late. Your Grandma’s dropping me off and then she’s going home so say bye.” I turned round to my Grandma and kissed her good bye and she told me she’d be back soon. Then my mom cupped my face in her hands and kissed me on the nose. “Baby, I’m sorry. I’ll see you tomorrow. No hankie pankie!” Then she left. I wasn't going to promise her anything. What she didn't know wouldn't hurt her. When I got back to my room, Jamie was sat in the same place. I walked over and stood in front of him, he put his hands on my thighs. I kissed his nose. “ My dad said bye.” I winked at him and pulled my tongue out.
“Great turn off Gracie. But can we not talk about your parents right now, especially your dad because I do not want to even imagine the pain he would put me through if he knew about this!” He leaned backwards and pulled me down with him. I tickled him for 5 minutes, he hated it but his laugh was amazing. The rolled over so he was lied on top of me. He put all of his weight on me, I couldn't breathe. He laughed at me trying to squirm away, he grabbed my chin and kissed me. I smiled which made him kiss my teeth. “ I love it when you smile. It’s perfect, just like you.” He kissed me again, then moved down to my neck and the rest of my body. It sent tingles all over. I must have fell asleep straight after because I woke up at 3:am to my mom walking in, on her own surprisingly. I went to get a glass of water, Jamie was sleeping like a baby. I took a few pictures of him and planned to upload them in the morning when Facebook would be more full of people later on. When I was walking past my mom’s room, her light was still on.
“Gracie, come in here a sec!” She whispered loudly, I could be bothered with her drunken antics but this time I was going to have to control myself. She wasn't drunk this time, she was stone cold sober.
“Mom, are you okay?” I walked towards her dresser slowly.
“I’m great! I didn't drink tonight, and I decided to come home. Well someone gave me a lift. Grace, I've met someone, but I'm trying not to get too excited yet because only time will tell, but he’s lovely and gorgeous! We’re going on a date on Thursday... Tomorrow! Shoot I have nothing ready!” I was happy for her, I’d never seen this excited since Tom; Tom was my mom’s last serious relationship, they were together 2 years and were going to get married until she caught him in bed with his assistant. She was heartbroken and that's how the habit of men and alcohol came into the equation. I just prayed this was it for her, that she finally got a brake because I shouldn't have to go through seeing her like that. I was 10 the last time and no 10 year old she see their mom like that. But I knew if my mom and dad had stayed together, it would've been like living in the world war 3.
“ That's great mom, I hope it works out for you I really do.” I smiled at her and kissed her head then returned to bed. My sleep wasn't was terrible; I dreamt about my dad, losing him. I woke up in tears, I must've woke Jamie up because he was cuddling me and whispering in my ear that everything’s okay, that he’ll always be here. I had this feeling he knew what I dreamt about. Jamie had a text from his mom that morning. He had to go to New York for 2 months! That was a long time for anything but apparently his dad wants him to be there because his grandma’s really ill. What was I going to do without him here, I have no one who knows what I'm going through and I really didn't want to tell Katie right now. It felt like I hadn't seen her in forever but I just didn't want to talk to anyone.
“When do you leave?” I choked out, I wanted to cry and not stop for hours. He came over and hugged me tightly, my feet were no longer touching the floor.
“Today, my mom’s going to talk to the school and I’m going to have to do lessons online and my dad’s going to get me a tutor. Bug I’m really sorry I hate to leave you for this long. But I have to, as much as it kills me. I’m going to make sure we talk everyday and Skype!” He was crying more than I was.
I hated seeing him sad. We kissed until his mom called to tell him she was outside. I walked him to the door and kissed and hugged him as much as I could. I didn't want to let him go, but I had too. As I watched him drive away, it felt like he was never coming back. Like a part of me had been ripped out and gone to New York.

Chapter Six

I got ready for school miserably and my mom noticed my sadness and said I could have the day off and stay with her. I looked forward to it, we hadn't spent time together in ages. I slung on some baggy shorts and one of Jamie's t-shirts and walked down to the kitchen. My mom had gotten all the cooking utensils out that are needed for making cupcakes. I know that it doesn't replace Jamie, but food would never leave me and it was my only comfort right now. We were baking chocolate chip cupcakes, they were my favorite. Me and my mom ended up getting into a flour fight, it was everywhere! I literally laid rolled on the floor and laughed uncontrollably, my mom laid next to me on the floor. I loved having a youngish mom, she could understand me more because she was my age not so long ago. I took a few pictures with my mom because she had flour all over her face and it was a memory that will haunt her later to come when I'm showing this new guy.
“Ah I can’t remember the time we've laughed like this with each other! I missed it.” She tilted her head and kissed me on the cheek. “ Oh shoot is that the time! I need to shower, and you missus can help me get ready!” She jumped up quicker than anything I’ve ever seen!
“ Well I’m going to get a shower too and ask Katie to come round if that's okay?” I hadn’t thought about Katie in a while, and I didn't want to be lonely. I guess I’d have to tell her sooner or later.
“Yeah sure, that's fine sweetie!” She shouted from her room. I texted Katie and asked her to come and she replied instantly ‘ Gracie, I haven’t seen you in like forever! Of course I’ll come round, miss my best friend! X’ I was surprisingly excited to see her. I got a quick shower to wash the remainder of the flour off me and to get a little relaxed. I sent Katie an extra text telling her she could stay over but I never got a reply. She turned Up at my door with a gigantic holdall.
“Hey! Excuse the big bag, but I wanted to come prepared; cookies, ice cream and our favourite movies, you know the usual!” She said as she squeezed through the door. My mom called us both upstairs, Katie slung her bag- sorry I mean suitcase in my room and met me in my mom’s room. She had 3 dresses laid on her bed and she was laid on the floor banging her head dramatically. She looked like me when I was having one of my dilemmas.
“I can’t choose!” she mumbled into the floor.
“Oh mom stop being so dramatic, c'mon me and Katie will help you!” I walked over to my mom and helped her up, but she just slumped on her bed instead. “He’s going to be picking you up in an hour and a half, now get perky or you are not going out.” I felt like I was watching my teenage daughter going out with a boy she likes, I wasn't this bad was I? I picked up the gorgeous red dress that was laid on the bed, it was the nicest one out of all of them. “Now, put this on!”
When my mom emerged from the closet, she literally took my breath away. She look stunning. She was skinny and the dress clung to her body perfectly, her hair was in loose curls that hung just past her shoulders. Her eyes were bright, they looked full of life like never before. I've never seen her so happy since Tom was around.
“So, how do I look?” My mom looked like she was about to burst with excitement. Me and Katie just stood there, speechless. Both of us tried to talk but nothing ever came out. “The fact that your speechless is a good thing, right?” Katie and I nodded in unison, still unable to talk. My mom laughed then turn to the mirror again, the door bell broke our silence. Katie and I raced down the stairs, my mom tried stopping us but we were going to be the first to see my mom’s mystery guy. Before I opened the door, Katie and I jumped up and down giggling.
“Okay, compose yourself Katie.” We both took a deep breath, I heard my mom sigh from the stairs. I edged the door open, Katie was forcing it open even more. We both giggled which made the freakishly tall man spin around, he had a huge bunch of red roses in front of his face. He lowered them and we saw the mystery guys face. He was ‘strawberry blonde’ as my mother would say, but I say ginger. His jaw looked strong and muscular just like Jamie’s, it made me miss him. The un named man stood in my doorway had big green eyes and the longest eyelashes I have ever seen on a guy. His lips were plump, which oddly made me want to grab him and kiss him. He was hot, no doubt about it and I could tell by the way Katie was looking at him, she thought the exact same as me. His soft voice broke my thoughts.
“Hey girls, one of you must be Grace but I'm not going to guess because I don’t want to get hurt.” He laughed and nodded at us both.
“I'm Grace!” I stepped forward raising my hand, like I was stepping forward for a scouts award. Way to go Grace, great first impression!
“I thought so, you look just like your mom.” He looked shocked at the similarity, personally I didn't see it. Katie barged in front of me with her hand held out.
‘Hi, I’m Katie, Sara’s unwanted daughter” he shook her hand and smiled warily. ‘Oh don’t worry, I’m Gracie’s best friend, and Sara’s like my second mom.’
‘Ah I see, nice to meet you Katie.’ She giggled and blushed like a little girl. I grabbed her arm and pulled her next to me, she gave me an awful look.
“Hey John! You ready to go? Sorry about the girls, there um- there a little embarrassing.” My mum began walking out the door before she finished talking and John followed. She scowled at me and Katie playfully. We just looked at each other and laughed. We made our way to the living room, which we had previously made our own by bringing my quilt down and all the snacks over the floor. Katie slumped on the floor by the fire and I laid beside her.
“So Gracie, tomorrow fancy coming to the mall and then staying at mine? After school of course.” she asked with a face full of popcorn.
“I can’t! I’m sorry, I’m going to my dad’s till Monday.” I felt bad because we hadn't hung out in a while. All of a sudden she spat out the popcorn that was in her mouth. In my face.
“Wait your dads? What! I’m so confused dude.” She wiped the popcorn from my hair. “Oops, sorry about that!”
“I haven’t had chance to tell you this yet. But um my dad, he’s um- um he’s dying.“ I focused on the TV. I will not cry.
“Gracie are you serious! Oh my god!” She grabbed my head and pulled me close to her for a hug. “You should have come to me sooner, I would have been here for you, you know that right! Aw Gracie I’m sorry.” She sounded like she was going to cry for me, but for once I wasn't going to cry. I didn't feel like I had to.
“Sorry I didn't tell you, I was kinda in shock for a couple days, but at least I get to spend time with him, Louie and of course Michelle, who by the way is pregnant with my new baby sister and is about to pop anytime soon!” I was finally going to have a baby sister. I was praying that Michelle would go into labor the weekend I was there because then I would have to wait to meet her.
“Aw, that's adorable! I wanna meet her when she’s her too!” She sounded enthusiastic. Katie had also gotten along with my dad because she was always here when we were younger. On the subject of pregnancy, we decided to watch Juno. It was one of mine and my mom’s favorite films, she says that it ‘resembled’ what she went through minus the adoption part. As we were watching it, I realized Jamie hadn't text me in a while. I decided I should text him; ‘Hey Jamie, hope you got there safe! Missing you already baby! I love you J xxx’ I slid my phone away from me so I wouldn't be frantically sat staring at it until he replies- If he replies. We watched the end of Juno, and decided to talk about what would happen if either of us got pregnant, I wonder how that came about.
“Dude, if I ever got pregnant I don’t think I’d live to see another day, wait actually I think they’d make me go through the pain of labor and then they’d kill me. And screw up the baby, and repeat the same procedure.” She grabbed a cushion and shoved it under her top to make it look like a perfect baby bump. “ Yeah, I don’t think I’d look right if I had a bun in the oven, I’d hate to get fat!”
“I don’t know what I’d do if I got pregnant, my mom wouldn't be pleased but she wouldn't be able to say anything because it would make her a hypocrite. I don’t think abortion is right. You know on ‘My sisters keeper’ at the beginning? When she says that she was a little piece of blue sky? That's exactly what I think, why would you abort something like that?” Katie was looking at me like I was a mad person, for 2 reasons; one was because I've seen My sisters keeper too many times, and two because she’s probably worried that I'm going to end up with 10 kids.
“What about when people are in like bad situations?” She sounded angry by what I said.
“No of course in bad situations I guess it’s useful, but I wouldn't say it was good personally, I wouldn't do it.” I tried to defend myself, which I kinda did, it also calmed her down. All of a sudden Katie shoved the cushion up my top , smoothing round the edges. It almost looked like a real bump. There was a photo on the mantelpiece of my mom pregnant. I looked back at the mirror, then to the photo. It was like spot the difference, it scared the crap out of me. I immediately removed the cushion from my t-shirt. I felt sick at the thought of me being like that, I mean I wouldn't hate it but it scared me. “Can we please change the subject?” It annoyed me a little that it scared me. I never thought about getting pregnant before, it only put pressure on things that didn't need to have pressure on them.
“Do you think Jamie would still be a slut if you weren't with him?” What. Did she really just ask me that?! I have no idea why I'm getting annoyed because he was a slut before I was with him, and he probably would still be one if I weren't with him.
“Um yeah I guess, but I'm with him so he’s not.” I snapped back.
“ Okay, jeeze I was just asking, I mean all the girls he had before and the girls that were lining up for him. I’m not saying anything bad, I just worry cause what if you guy’s ever, god forbid, split up, he’ll just flaunt all these girls in your face.” She sounded concerned and I understood where she was coming from and as much as I didn't want to think about us not being together, she was right.
“ I suppose your right.” I mumbled, I didn't like giving people the satisfactions that they were right.
“Of course I'm right, I'm a fricking genius.” She was sat upside on the sofa, her legs were hanging over the back and her head was hanging over the front. It looked fun, so I joined her. The rest of the night was spent telling each other we hadn't had chance to tell them, like the argument with Charlotte; she was too busy sucking face with Jake. And she told me how her and Jake's relationship is getting more serious, I felt like she was about to tell me they were running away together and starting a new life in Alabama. She wouldn't last five minutes without her mom and dad, the relied on them for everything; They gave her everything she ever wanted and they loved her unconditionally, they would never let her go. Then we watched a few more movies; Nemo, My sisters keeper(of course), dirty dancing and I am number 4.
It was 11 pm before we decided to go to bed, we had school in the morning after all. After all these years of being in high school and the school system in general, I begun to hate it. Don't get me wrong the education was great, it was the people in my school. For most of the arrogant popular kids and jocks; like Charlotte and Max , they don’t realize that high school is going to be the best times of their lives. Once you leave, society doesn't care about how popular you were in high school, how many boys or girls you've slept with, or how many bears you can chug in a minute. When you leave, it’s the time were you grow up and forget about what you were and start thinking about what you’re going to be. But as far as I can tell, that's going to be hard from the majority of students.
I had the worst night sleep ever, I felt nauseated all night, I had a horrible taste in my mouth and to top it off Katie snores like a pig. I also heard my mom stumble in at god knows what time, laughing her head off. The next morning I woke up with the worst head ached ever, I could barely walk straight because I was so dizzy. My mom had baked my favorite pancakes, but the sight and smell of them made me want to hurl.
“Mom, I think I'm coming down with something.” I sat sluggishly on the chair next to where she was. She looked at me with concern and interest. She also looked very annoyed all of a sudden, but must have noticed that I recognized this because she put her sad face on.
“Aw sweetie, go on back to bed and I call the school. You look green and clammy.” Katie looked at me with a worried look in her eye. I just nodded to my mom and dragged myself up the stairs. My mom was going to drop Katie off at school, so that was one less worry. As soon as my head hit the pillow I was out of it. My dream was so weird and it scared the life out of me.
I was in the hospital, it was one of those dreams were you think it’s real. All I could here was little screams and cries of freshly born babies, and mothers screaming in pain. All of a sudden Katie walked in the stall I was in dress in a nurses outfit, what the hell was going on. Her smile was unnatural, it was too big for her face and she had too many teeth in her mouth. Someone touched my hand, it was Jamie. He had a huge smile too and blue tears in his eyes, then I heard it; the cry of a new born baby. It was coming from the bundle of blankets Katie was holding in her arms. She handed me the bundle and left the room, I looked inside the blanket and my face on a baby’s body appeared.

I woke up screaming, wow that was creepy. The talk of pregnancy really did freak me out. I totally forgot about Jamie, then my dream reminded me. I checked my phone, and a new message arrived just as I did so. ‘Hey bug, sorry I haven’t text, I was getting my room sorted and stuff. I wanna come home! I miss you so much I can’t wait for this 2 months to be over and I can cuddle my baby! My signals crap down here so sorry if I reply slow! I love you!xxx’ I instantly felt better, knowing he was okay and safe put my mind at ease.
My stomach was grumbling, I threw myself out of bed and managed to roll down the stairs. I wasn't going to throw up but my stomach made me feel like I was. It was horrible, but I was hungry. When I got in the kitchen, the smell of pancakes made me feel worse. That's a no to pancakes then. I grabbed a banana and managed to keep it down. When I’d finished, I grabbed a blanket and laid on the sofa. My mom left a note saying she was at woke and would be home by 4 pm. I hope I'm well enough to go tonight. I did feel better than I did this morning, I thought I’d have another sleep. Hopefully no scary dream.
I didn't have any dream, it was like I was floating through the sky. It was so relaxing and it made me feel so refreshed. Up until someone woke me. It felt like I hit the sofa with a thud, but I hadn't moved an inch.
“Gracie sweetie, I didn't mean to startle you. You feeling any better? I can call your dad if you’re not?” She was sat right in my face and stroking my face.
“No no, I feel better, just let me wake up first and I’ll get my stuff ready. I really could do with some food though.” I sat up wafting her hands away. I was still half asleep when she walked away to answer the phone. I heard her trying to whisper but she sucked at it. I caught on it was my grandma and the only other thing I heard was, ‘Good idea mom, if she’s like me it will make her throw up. That's how you know about me anyways. I can’t believe it.” That was one weird conversation. I heard my mom hand up then run into the kitchen.
“Gracie, dinner!” I was upstairs getting my bag ready when she shouted of me. I walked into the dining room and sat on the nearest chair, it made a farting noise when I sat. My mom walked into the room with a covered over dish. I was so hungry I could eat a horse. My mom sat next to me, her eyes were wide and creepy. She lifted the lid off the food. I nearly threw up all over the table, it was smoked mackerel, one of my favourite things. But right now, it made me feel worse than this morning, I ran into the small bathroom. I only just made it to the toilet. It was the first time I was actually sick today. I was glad when I’d stopped throwing up because I felt so much better, like there was nothing wrong with me. Sitting round the toilet brought something back to me, it was a memory of my mom telling me her gory pregnancy stories; She had once told me that my grandma had know she was pregnant when she served fish one night for dinner and my mom was fine all day, until she saw that,. She was throwing up for hours. My grandma had known by this because that's how her mom knew she was pregnant, it was kinda like a thing that was passed down through the ages. Then it hit me. Oh my god no. Jesus no. This can’t be happening. I had missed my period this month, but they had always been off schedule. It had been a month since me and Jamie had first had sex (After the party with the Charlotte incident) it went fast, I know. My mom must know, what was I going to do! I can’t be pregnant!
“Gracie your dads here!” She knocked on the door. I did not want to leave the bathroom. But I left my bag by the door so I could make a dash for it without seeing my mom. I opened the door slowly to check my surroundings. No one was around, I ran to the hall and stopped abruptly. My mom and dad were stood in the hallway. She’s told him, I'm dead. I'm dead.
“Hey Grace, you feeling okay?” My dad asked, with a huge smile on his face.
“Yeah so much better thanks!” I replied politely, I looked at my mom and she looked like she was about to burst into tears. I felt exactly how she looked. I looked her with a sorry smile on my face, but she just looked away. “I’ll see you Monday mom.” I kissed her on the cheek. My dad lead the way to the car. And I got in the passenger side.
“We have to go straight to the hospital, I hope you don’t mind. I sound bad for leaving Michelle on her own during labor, but she wanted you at the birth.” He looked at me with a big smile on his face, it made me want to cry more. I was going to miss him when he was gone. He looked better recently, it gave me hope he was going to get better miraculously but I knew his illness was terminal and it was only the medication making him look better.
“She’s gone into labor! Wow, should I really be there, I was sick and I could infect things or something?” Even though I knew it wasn't an illness, I thought I’d better ask.
“ she went into labor around 7 this morning, we were trying to get in touch but your mom said you were ill. Oh no its fine, just make sure you use loads of disinfectant hand was and it’ll be fine.” He patted my hand. “ So have you thought of any names for her?” I looked at him in a shocked way. “Oh yeah, me and Michelle have decided, well Michelle did, you’re going to name her. Your also going to be her god mother, I know your already her big sister but we thought you deserved to be something more.” He didn't look at me this time because he was too busy parking the car.
“Seriously? I’m going to be the god mother! Um I guess I should say thanks!” I hugged my dad tightly and kissed his cheek, he laughed and got out the car. He could walk so much better now he was on new medication. I followed him through the maternity ward, it brought back memories of my awful nightmare. We got to one of the private rooms, she must be in the last stages. I can’t believe I was about to watch my sister being born with the situation I'm in. I felt so awkward.
Michelle was in the middle of a contraction when we walked into the room. My dad hobble as fast as he could to her aid. When it was over Michelle looked at me and urged me over to her.
“Did your dad tell you about the baby?” I nodded at her. “ You mean everything to this family Gracie. Have you thought of a name yet?” she panted out through breaths.
“Um I think I'm going to meet her first, decide what names suit’s her. But I’ll make it a good one.” These hormones were getting to me, I wanted to cry my eyes out.
The midwife came into the room and did a check on her, which was really gross. If I was pregnant, I would have to go through all of this. I didn't catch what was said but it looked like she was ready to push. I’d only been there 2 hours but I guess she has been in labour a long time. All these people flooded into the room to deliver this tiny baby. There were doctors and midwifes everywhere, my dad was stood at the bed in-between her head and where the baby was coming from, I decided to stay beside her head. She grabbed my hand and squeezed it super tight, and I swear I felt my bones move. After a few screams from Michelle, words of encouragement from the midwife and my dad jumping up and down with excitement- I was pretty sure that was good for him right now, but hey he was happy. Then all of a sudden, through all the noise a little scream filled the room. It was the cutest most annoying scream I've heard in my life. It reminded me of when I first met Louie, I know I was 3 but weirdly I remember it; I was sat with my dad when Michelle brought him through, they let me hold him with help and he cried for hours. I remember hiding under the dining table until he shut up.
I kissed Michelle on the forehead and said congratulations. I've never seen a bigger smile come from someone that has just gone through that pain. I went and sat in the corner chair and waited until everyone had finished cleaning the baby. When everyone left the room, it was just me, my dad, Michelle and the new baby. They were cooing over her, I sat and watched. I tried to imagine me being in that situation, and I could see it. I didn't want to but I could. I walked over to them. They both looked up from the baby at me smiling. Michelle lifted the baby up for me to grab her. She weighed the same as a bag of flour, she was so tiny. Her eyes were big and dark; they don’t usually get color in them until later on. Her eyelashes were long and thick, matching the thickness of the curls on her head. She had the same hair as Michelle because her hair was dark and curly. The baby was making like gargling noise. I must have looked concerned because my dad touched my shoulder and said it was normal. She was gorgeous. I could help but cry happy tears. A flash startled me, my dad was getting snap happy with the camera. I probably looked a mess on the photos but I didn't care, I was holding my baby sister.
I tried thinking of names I knew that would suite her but none of them seemed right; Ruby, Lilly, Harper, Beth, Ria I tried to think of beautiful names but nothing seemed to fit her. After a while, I was stuck between Tia, Sophia or Harper .
“Um which do you prefer, Sophia, Tia or Harper?” I asked Michelle and my dad, still not taking my eyes of the baby.
“I like Harper and Sophia. What about you?” Michelle asked my dad. My dad looked confused.
“I like them both. I don’t know, you guy’s choose. I don’t want to get the blame for this if it’s bad.” My dad walked back to his chair with his hands up.
“What about Sophia Harper Taylor?” I asked, saying out loud sounded so much better than in my head.
“Oh I love it! She looks like a Sophia too! It’s perfect Grace. The lady will be round soon for the birth certificate thing.” She looked like she was about to fall asleep, so I walked away with Sophia. She hadn't cried once while I was holding her. When I sat in the chair at the other side of the room, I noticed my dad staring at me.
“What?” I laughed at him, he had the sweetest smile on his face.
“I wish I could be around to see you have your kids Gracie, you’d make the perfect mother. That little girl is going to have the best big sister ever. I feel bad not being able to see either of you grow up, and Louie. I’m going to miss you guys so much.” He began to cry, so did I.
“Dad, don’t think like that! It’s not your fault.” I choked out I tried not to cry because it was shaking the baby and she’s just gone to sleep.
“I know, I just wish it weren't true.” He wiped his eyes and looked back at his paper. The room door opened, I was expecting to see the nurse but it was Louie and his Grandma.
“Aw where is she? The beautiful new edition! Have you thought a name yet? Oh hi Gracie dear.” She came over and stroked Sophia’s face. I replied to the hello. Louie sat next to Michelle, who didn't even get five minutes sleep but still manages to look beautiful.
“Um yeah, Grace picked her name; Sophia Harper Taylor, isn't it beautiful?” Michelle said, even happiness oozed out of her voice.
“Oh yes I love it! Aw well done Gracie!” She kissed my forehead and I gave her a polite smile. I stood up and put Sophia in the little cot beside Michelle’s bed. Sophia was still sound asleep. My dad also stood up and got his coat on.
“ C'mon Grace, we better head home, Mia are you bringing Louie back to yours?” He turned to Michelle’s mom.
“Yes, It’ll be late when were done here.” She replied without even looking at him. He just raised his eyebrows at me. He walked over and kissed Michelle and told her he’d see her tomorrow when he comes to pick them up. He kissed Louie and Sophia and headed for the door. I kissed everyone good bye and walked towards my dad. I was late and outside was pitch black, we could barely find the car. When we eventually found it, I offered to drive because my dad looked exhausted, he didn't object. The car was freezing, I didn't know how to switch the heating, my dad saw me struggling and pushed on quick button and the heating was on full. The drive from the hospital lasted 15 minutes.
My dad had fallen to sleep and I woke him, he seemed kinda startled. When we got in the house my dad showed me to my room, then went straight to bed. I was worried about him, today’s events had really took its toll on him. My room had been decorated nicer than mine back at my house, one wall was wallpapered with a flowery pattern, the rest was pink. I liked it. I thought I’d let everyone know I had a new baby sister. I uploaded two pictures onto Facebook, one was of me and Sophia and one was on her own. My phone wouldn't stop buzzing because of the notifications I was getting. I never noticed my mom had text me, my heart raced when I read it; ‘ Gracie sweetie, come home Sunday. We need to figure this situation out. No matter what I am there for you, don’t be scared baby. I know you’ll make the right decision. I love you.’ Well at least she wasn't mad, but I don’t get it. We don’t know for definite that I am pregnant.

Chapter Seven

My dad woke me the next morning to tell me that he was going to pick up Michelle and Sophia from the hospital. I fell straight back to sleep- I was doing a lot of sleeping lately. I was woken an hour after with the screaming of a baby. I pulled my cute, baggy jeans and my Kings of Leon t-shirt from my bag and my red vans. I through them on in a huff and shoved my clothes in the bag. I ran down the stairs eagerly ready to give my baby sis a cuddle, when my dad’s and Michelle’s faces shocked me. Within a day those smiles had been wiped away and replaced with exhausted faces.
“Gracie, I think it’s best if you went hope this weekend just so we can get little Sophia settled. Is that okay?” I looked over at Michelle, who was struggling to get her settled.
“Yeah that's fine, my mom wanted me to go home early tomorrow anyways. Next weekend?” I asked, I tried not to sound too cheeky but I wanted to stay again.
“Of course you can come next weekend sweetie!” Michelle called from the living room. I ran upstairs, grabbed my bag then ran back down. I kissed Michelle and Sophia goodbye and walked to the car where my dad was waiting. He’d already got it started. I text my mom to tell her I was on my way. Jamie still hasn’t text again. Damn it! I shouldn’t have thought of him, now all these things popped into my head; how would I tell him? Would he stand by me?. I had a lot to think about if this was true.
The journey was surprisingly quick and my dad seemed in a rush so I didn’t keep him, I just said I’d call him later. I walked through the door and my mom called me through to the kitchen. I walked in and there was about 20 pregnancy test boxes, 3 huge bottles of different juice. Her face looked excited and nervous.
“Let’s get peeing!” I couldn’t help but laugh at her. 18 of the pregnancy test were the cheap Wal-Mart ones, the other 3 were proper expensive ones. We decided to do the cheap ones first. It had taken the full day to complete all of the test, not much was said between the two of us. By the end all of the test’s had a little pink plus sign on them, and the expensive test told me how far a long I was- 4 weeks and 3 days. None of the tests were negative. It was official, I had a bun in the oven. I had no idea what I was going to do, right now I wanted to curl up in a ball and die.
My mom still said nothing, she just stared at each test over and over again. I was about to say something when she quickly grabbed the phone.
“Hello I would like to make an appointment.” My heart began to pound, was she booking me in for an abortion? “I’d like to book an appointment for my daughter. Yeah, her date of birth is 5th of April 1995. She is a month we think. You can fit us in tomorrow? Perfect, thank you!” I wanted to scream at her. How dare she decide what I was going to do with this. I was just about to give her a piece of my mind, before I could say anything she sat next to me and grabbed my hand. “I just booked you in for your first scan; they never usually get people in that quick, but they had a cancellation. Now I know you might not want to keep this baby but I am here for you no matter what.” She cried as she said this. I felt so bad.
“ I’m going to keep it.” The words just escaped my mouth. I did want to keep the baby.
“What are you going to tell Jamie?” My mom didn’t object to my decision, she didn’t even question it.
“I’m not, I think I’ll wait till he’s back from New York. Can you not tell Mia either?” I had no idea what I was going to do. What I did know was that I was all peed out and needed yet more sleep. Surprisingly, my thoughts didn’t keep me up, they sent me straight to sleep; All today’s events had been too much and I had thought about everything too much, it made my brain hurt. My sleep had given me an idea of what I was going to do about Jamie. Just had to decide whether it would work.
My mom woke me at 9 am Sunday morning, her face looked how I felt. Her eyes were red raw, her skin was so pale if it wasn't for her dark eyebrows and hair she would have blended into the wall. She said nothing during breakfast, just gave me a banana and a vitamin tablet. I never got chance to ask her about her date with John. I’d save that one for the car. When I’d finished my banana I went to get dress. I tried and made myself look older, but I kinda guessed the ultra sound technician may already know my age. I grabbed my skinny jeans, my pale blue converse and my baggy red baseball t-shirt. Not exactly matching, but I wasn't expecting to bump into anyone. I threw my hair up into messy ponytail. Just as I was finishing off my makeup my mom came into my room and sat on my bed.
“Are you sure you want this Gracie? I mean, you won’t have to go through the struggles me and your father went through cause I will support you financially and emotionally. I’ll be there for you baby. But You gotta know, it’s hard. You thought looking after that electronic baby was hard, this is ten times worse. My dad didn’t support me, my mom had to sneak to see me but I know your dad will be there for you. I promise, I'm not going anywhere.” My mom never looked away from me once, her green eyes were locked on mine. I knew she meant every word, she’s never broke a promise to me.
“I’m sure, I thought about it last night. I couldn’t bring myself to get rid of it, it’s a life. I’m sure I’ll do my best. I know you’ll stay by me, after everything I’ve done, any other mom would have ran a mile. I love you mom.” I didn’t realise I was crying until she came over and wiped my tears.
“I love you too baby. I will always be here. Now c’mon, lets got se this little zygote. Wait, or is it a foetus now? I don’t know!” She walked out my room laughing. Well at least she’s not angry! We made our way to my mom’s car; a red Vauxhall Astra. We weren’t that rich, but we weren’t poor either. My mom had a good job and was second from top in the corporate industry. Now was the time to bring up the date.
“So, how was the date?” I asked my mom with a teasing tone to my voice, it always made her embarrassed. A smile instantly spread across her face.
“It was great! He’s amazing. He’s coming over for dinner tonight. Good thing this is in the morning huh?” She was focusing on the road. I don’t think this situation is bothering her that much, I think it’s the whole idea that she’s going to be a grandma at 32. There wasn't much left to say, the journey continued in silence right up until the waiting room of the hospital.
The lady at the reception looked me and my mom up and down, like she was something special. The waiting area wasn't as full as I’d imagined. There was two heavily pregnant women and a girl that looked around the same age as me trying to calm this tiny baby down. That’ll be you soon. The evil voice at the back of my head always did this to me! Always had to but a downer on things. My name was finally called, a big woman came to get me. She was kinda scary so I let my mom lead the way. It wasn't until we got into the room I realised she wasn't scary, the smile that spread across her face was so warming.
“So Gracie! Where going to ask a few questions then were going to look at your baby okay?” I nodded to show I understood and was happy with everything. “ So when was your last menstrual period?”
Wow, I could tell this was going to be one embarrassing day. “Um I think it was the 6th of September” I could feel my face getting redder and redder. This stuff always bothered me I don’t know why, I would always avoid conversations like this.
“Okay, so that would mean you are a month and a few weeks.” She walked over to a chart on the and run her finger along it making little humming noise. “ That means, if your pregnancy is healthy and carried out full term, you are due on the 13th of June. Next year obviously!” She let out a laughter, my mom and I forced one out too.
“Okay then, let’s take a look and listen to you baby!” Her enthusiasm creeped me out but she was harmless. I laid down on the bed and lifted my t-shirt. She tucked a paper towel under the lining of my jeans and squirted cold, green goo on my belly. “Right, well there’s your baby!” She turned the screen towards me, and then I saw it. My baby.
“Oh wow that's so amazing. Could I have one? I mean a picture?” It was so amazing to see it, its little heart beating. It was a real human being, it might not have looked like one right now but it will. I made that tiny thing. Wow.
“Yes of course sweetie! You get a couple free anyways!” She was jabbing at a few buttons, then left the room and came back with 2 photos. “Okay so we shall arrange the next appointment, which will be in a few weeks to get your eight week scan. Good luck Gracie and I shall see you soon!” She left the room, and we followed. I must’ve walked into about 10 things because I was staring at the photo. It was the shape of a prawn, and probably super tiny inside my belly. When I looked at it, my heart raced in speed. My thought instantly went to Jamie.
My mom still had said a word to me, she sure is supportive huh! While she was busy preparing the food and the house, I thought it was time to give Katie a call. I’d rather tell her over the phone that way, she can’t hit me.
“Well hello there Gracie, you feeling any better?” She didn’t even give me chance to answer. “Oh my god, I saw your baby sister! She’s so fudging adorable!”
“Katie, could you just stop talking a minute, I'm trying to figure out how to tell you something really important!” Sometimes, she did just need to be told when to stop the talking and listen. I heard her sigh, which was a signal for me to continue. “ I’m pregnant Kat.”
Silence.
More awkward silence.
“ Wha-Ar- You serious?! Like knocked up kinda pregnant? Like your step mom pregnant? Well was.” She talked so confusingly sometimes, it made my head hurt.
“What other kind of pregnant can you get? Yes I’m serious.” Like I’d joke about this, did she not see how I reacted the other day?
“Oh. OH. Gracie! Did you not use protection? Did you not learn anything from sex Ed! I expected better from you!” I stayed silent until I knew she’d calmed down. “ On a higher note, can I be Godmother? And like the best auntie, only auntie it will ever know?” I knew that was coming.
“Of course you can, got no one else have I! I could ask Charlotte though..” I loved messing with her, she can get annoyed so easily. It’s hilarious!
“You better not ask her! Anyway, I gotta go Jakes waiting for me! Don't worry I won’t tell anyone! Catch you later momma bear!” Then she hung up, and the room was silent. I heard the door bell ring, muffles of people talking and then my mom called up the stairs. John was here.
For the first time today I heard my mom speak, she spoke all the way through dinner and desert. Now I wish she’d shut up. The dinner was awkward, me and John barley spoke. That's probably because I didn’t know what to say to him, he was different to everyone else my mom’s dated. He seemed more intense. Everything my mom said, he never took his eyes off of her. He even laughed at her jokes, and trust me they weren’t funny. When I took the plates into the kitchen, my mom cam bounding in.
“So, what do’ya think? Isn’t he great!” Her face was lit up like a Christmas tree.
“Yeah, he’s definitely a keeper!” Hopefully she didn’t catch on to the sarcasm in my voice.
“Oh he really is Gracie! Listen um, could we not bring up the pregnancy just yet, don’t wanna scare him away.” Was she being serious. I cannot believe her!
“What? So now the only time you talk to me about the baby is when you don’t want your ‘boyfriend’ to find out?” She went to say something but I just can’t put up with her shit anymore. “No, listen to me. You always have to try and make situations like these about you! It’s not like your carrying the baby. Your more concerned about being a grandmother at 32!” Just as those words came out of my mouth, John walked through the door.

Chapter Eight

The night before had been awful, my mom had left and gone to stay at Johns. They both needed to sort things out; aka have makeup sex. Just before they left I heard John say something like “Why should I date someone who has a kid, having a kid? How messed up is that!” My mom must have said something very appealing because they both left together. I woke up to an empty house, the silence was almost peaceful. Jamie finally text me back, but I wasn't as excited as I thought I would be. ‘Hey bug, I’m soo sorry I haven’t been able to get to talk to you!:( But guess who’s home?! We got back last night, but I figured you’d be in bed. Turns out my grandma got better and we didn't have to stay! I’m so excited to see you! I love you!’ My stomach got the worst butterflies, I was hoping I’d see him later on, not now! This turned my plan upside down, it was risky enough as it is.
Today was going to be warm, so I put on my cute, pink, pastel dress and some sandals. I was running late, so I shoved my books in my bag, grabbed some cash and ran out to my baby blue beetle; when I got this, I was the happiest person in the world, I didn't think I was getting anything! School wasn't that far away, in fact I could walk but I’m too lazy for that. As soon as I got into school I was going to find Charlotte (Yeah, I know but you’ll find out more later).
I always park in the same place, it was always free for some strange reason. I sat in my car for 5 minutes, rehearsing in my head what I was going to say to Charlotte. I saw her walking alone in to school, I jumped out of my car and ran towards her. She was stood by the vending machines, there was people everywhere. When I approached her, she looked away. I just rolled my eyes.
“Hey. I need to talk to you, I need you to do me a favor.” I can’t believe I was asking her for a favor, but desperate times call for desperate measures.
“And why would I do that?” she didn't even look at me.
“Because I helped you when you went through it, I think you owe me one.” She turned and looked at me with shock on her face. Charlotte had been pregnant sophomore year. I had gone with her to have an abortion because she couldn't bear to tell anyone. That was the reason she hated me, Katie had found out but Charlotte thought I was going to tell everyone. She lived in fear ever since. “ I don’t want you to come with me to have an abortion, I’m keeping my baby.” Pain stuck across her face.
“Then why are you asking me for my help?” She choked out, I felt awful because of everything she went through.
“I need you to get Jamie. I need to know he’s got someone to take care of him, this will kill him. I don’t want to do that, so you have to help me. I don’t want to ruin his life, you’re better for him than me. When I break up with him I need you to be there straight after, I know what he’s like. Please.” I can’t believe I was asking her, but I needed to for Jamie’s sake.
“Gracie, this won’t work. He’s head over heels for you. But okay, I’ll do it.” She seemed to be hiding back some happiness from this.
“Well at the end of school, I’ll get him to come to the bleachers and then I’ll end it. You have to be there Charlotte.” She nodded and I walked to my class; which Jamie was in.
“Baby! Hey!” He ran over and squeezed me. We were both stood at the entrance to the class, blocking everyone else. I pushed him backwards and he pulled me closer, kissing me on the lips. I wish this all wasn't happening, his kisses were the best.
“Listen Jamie, will you meet me at the bleachers after school?” His face was still all smiley, I bet he thought he was going to get some under the bleachers.
“Ooo, yes anything for my baby!” He planted a big kiss on my forehead and pulled me into the class room. Charlotte was in this lesson too, she sat right behind me. I gave her a slight nod and she returned it politely. Jamie had a puzzled look on his face.
“Since when were you two on a nodding basis?” He asked leaning towards my desk.
“What’s the point in arguing, soon school will be over and I’ll never have to see her again, I can be friendly till then.” I felt sick all of a sudden, my morning sickness usually kicked in around 9:00 am. I raised my hand quickly, hoping to catch my literature teacher, Mr. Ivan’s eye.
“Yes, Grace. What is it?” He peeked over his glasses at me.
“Can I use the bathroom, I feel like I’m going to vomit.” I didn't mean to tell the room that, but ah well. Jamie was looking at me with a sad expression in his eyes, I just tapped his hand reassuringly. Once I left the classroom, I ran to the toilets. Thankfully the toilets where empty, I could puke in piece. When I finished upchucking, Charlotte was stood waiting for me.
“Gracie, I can’t let you do this, how do you know that he won’t stand by you?” Her face was stern and serious, I've never seen her like this before.
“He will stand by me, I just don’t want him to.” I looked at her through the mirror, she looked baffled and shook her head at me to carry on. “I don’t want him to hate me or the baby for taking his life away. One of us needs to have a future.”
“Who’s saying you won’t have a future?” Her eyes were locked on my reflection in the mirror.
“What teenage girl do you know that has a child, and still has the future she wanted?”
“You can’t let the baby stop you from having a future, because guess what, you’ll end up having a little resentment for that child. When it grows up and has their future of their own, you’ll end up being jealous. And trust me that creates a lot of hate. More than you ever wanted.” Maybe she was right. But I was bothered about me, I was bothered about Jamie.
“I can live with not having the future I want, but I don’t think Jamie could. That’s why I gotta protect him.” It was the worst excuse ever.
“This is going to crush him.” She came and stood right behind me, I looked up in the mirror, I could tell this was actually bothering her. “You’re gonna have to deal with a lot of hurt people Gracie. Think about when the kids older and wants to know why their dad wasn't there. You can tell them Jamie wanted nothing to do with them, because it was you that stopped him. That baby will end up hating the only parent they've ever known.”
“ I've made up my mind, please can you just be there at the bleachers.” I didn't look at her again, I didn't want her to see that she actually got to me, and she was making a lot of sense.
Weird, first period was over and Jamie was waiting outside the toilets for me.
“Hey baby, are you okay?” He cupped my face in his hands and kissed the tip of my nose. I love it when he does that.
“Um yeah, I guess I just had a bad breakfast, I don’t know.” I pulled a sad face at him, and he did one back. He picked my off my feet and hugged me tightly. “Whoa don’t hug my too tight, might throw up again! All over your new shirt!”
“Oh yeah, right. Sorry!” He put me down gently. “I have soccer practice, and you have a class so I’m gonna love you and leave you bug.” He planted a big kiss right on my lips, then kissed my full face playfully, I giggled and pushed him away. As I walked away it hit me, by 4 pm this would all be over, Jamie wouldn't be mine anymore. I need to stop thinking of the negative, it’ll all work out in the long run.
When I walked into biology, I had totally forgot that we were doing about pregnancy and reproduction, great. Katie walked into the classroom, I had totally forgot about her. I hadn't seen her since I told her I was pregnant. She sat next to me, and laughed when she saw what we were going to be doing in lesson.
“Kat, can you come over after school? I’m gonna need your sense of humor to cheer me up!” She gave me a slight look to tell me to explain. “I’ll tell you later.”
“Sure thing Gracie. Hey, I get to spend time with you and the bun.” She winked at me. “ It’s important that it knows the voice of the most important people!”
“Well it’s certainly going to know yours isn't it.” I gave her a cheeky smile.
“Hells yeah, I’m going to be fun aunt Kate!” Thank god she was a good whisperer, didn't want no one finding out about this for a long time.
The teacher babbled on for what felt like hours about all the stuff I already researched. Every now and again when the teacher said something gross I could see Katie glance at me with a smile on her face, she was the least discrete person ever. Even though this pregnancy may not be the best thing in the world, but what’s done is done. People talk about how bad being pregnant is, but if I’m being honest I can’t wait, yeah I’m not looking forward to people staring and talking about me, and I know it won’t be plain sailing but I’ll have to deal with it.
Oddly I didn't see Jamie for the rest of the day, I sat and ate lunch being the third wheel with Katie and Jake, they were constantly sucking each other’s face. Before I knew it, it was 4. I’d been running over all the things I was going to say to Jamie all day, and when I got to the bleachers my mind went blank. I looked around, and just like she promised, Charlotte was there. I could feel my heart beat faster as Jamie approached, my palms were sweaty and I felt nauseous.
“Hey baby!” He leaned in for a kiss, but I turn my face so he kissed my cheek. He pulled away with a confused, hurt look on his face. This was killing me. I hadn't even began talking before the tears fell out of my eyes. “Gracie, what’s wrong?”
“Stop, please. Jamie, I’m sorry but I can’t do this anymore.” I couldn't look at him, I couldn't bear to look him in the in and lie.
“Can’t do what?” His voice was doing that breaking thing when you cry.
“Us, I don’t want to do this anymore. You deserve to be happy, so find someone that makes you happy. Please, don’t try and change my mind because we are over. Bye Jamie.” I turned and walked away from the only person that makes me happy. I didn't even have the decency to look him in the face.
I couldn't face Katie, so when I got to my car I text her and told her not to come round. Didn't want to face anybody, because by tomorrow morning, the world would know that there was no more me and Jamie. When I got through my front door, all the tears I’d tried keeping in on the way home. To my surprise, as I broke down my mom emerged from the kitchen. I ran to her, tears down my face. And she welcomed me with open arms.
“How about we go in the living room, sit on the couch, get a couple of blankets and some ice cream and watch a film?” She whispered into my ear.
“Sounds great mom.” I pulled out of the hug and smiled at her. I got the blackest and a movie and waited for my mom to come and join me.
“So, before I start this movie, care to tell me why you were crying?” I knew something like this was coming, and she was my mom I had to tell her.
“Me and Jamie broke up.”
“What! Is it because your pregnant? I have the right mind to call Mia!” She fumbled around the couch for her cell.
“No! Mom, I ended it. He doesn't know that I’m pregnant.” I saw her look at me with an angry expression on her face. Before she could say anything, I cut in. “ I did this for him, I don’t want to hate him for having a future, while I’ll be home taking care of a baby and I don’t want him to hate me for keeping the baby. Don’t tell me it’s a stupid reason because it’s good enough for me, okay?” I choked back the tears once again.
“Have you spoken to him?”
“No, not since I ended it. I don’t want to tell him I’m pregnant just yet. I've been meaning to ask you something. I googled special places expectant teenage moms can go to continue through school and I was wondering if I could go?”
My mom was hesitant to answer, but I could see her considering it. “I guess so, um I’ll sort it. And I’m guessing you could have the day off tomorrow. We’re going to look at this place before you go. On one condition, as soon as this baby is here, you are going back to that school.” She’d always loved my school, partly because she went there. Movie night was canceled because my mom had a lot of phone calls to make. Then it hit me, how was I going to tell me dad?

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Tag der Veröffentlichung: 01.12.2012

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