You´re not beautiful enough!

"You're not beautiful enough!", she yells at me. My name is Madison and I am 8 years old. I get forced to do beauty pageants. And if I'm not good enough, she yells at me and tells me that I'm ugly. "You have to do pageants! Do it for your mommy!", she tells me. I have to wear a lot of make up, dresses I really don't like and sometimes I also get a fake tan. I have to practise a lot. My mom wants me to win. Everytime. It doesn't matter what I want. I feel like a doll. I would like to tell you about one pageant, that would change my life.


"Madison, I found a new pageant you have to join!", my mom tells me. Another pageant?!? I've just done one today! I look at my mom and she smiles. "Madison, you are so beautiful. I'm sure you will win it!" "But mom... I've just done a pageant today. And next week there is going to be another. Can I just take a break from it?" "No, you can't Madison! I never got to do pageants and you don't want to destroy your moms dreams, right?" I feel how tears come up to my eyes, but I don't want to show them. "What do you want to do for the talent round, honey?" "I don't know." "Then you are going to dance." Super, a thing more that I don't like to do! All I want is to play with my best friend Alexis. She is the only one who knows about my real life and maybe the only friend I have. Alexis knows when I have problems- even if I haven't told her.




It is time for practising my dancing routine. My mom drove me to a professional dance studio, where I'm going to get my very own coach.
"Smile, Madison!", I hear from my mom the whole time during the dance routine. But I really can't smile. My mom looks angry at me and I know the meaning of it. Smile or I'm going to slap you. I try to smile, but when I look at myself in the mirror, it looks not real. I hope that my dancing class will be over as soon as possible. I don't want to see myself with a fake smile.
After I finally got home, my mom looked with me for a dress that I would wear at the talent round. She found a dress that she really liked, but I hated it. Mom ordered it and shook me:"If you are not going to wear this dress, I'm going to give you to a children's home! And if you wear it, you will win and get a lot of money!" And I'll have to wear a lot of make up. Make up is not my thing. I always wipe over my face and my whole make up is blurred. My mom gets angry and slaps me a thousend times. "Now I have to make you beautiful again! Do you know how ugly you are without make up?"

Now it's time for the pageant. I'm ready to go on stage and walk like a super model. I have to pose and smile. I have to wave to the judges. My mom wants me to win and she told me to do anything to win this pageant. If I win, I will get a lot of money and a beautiful tiara. I give my best to win. Because I'm scared to get hit. I don't want to win, I don't want to do this. I just want to be together with Alexis.

In a few minutes I have to perform my dancing routine. While my mom is getting me dressed, I'm whining really loud. "I don't want to do this anymore!" "Stop whining, you're not a baby!", she screams at me. "Stop forcing me!", I say to my mom and run away as fast as possible. I noticed that a man was chasing me. "Hello Madison. Whats wrong?" "My mom is forcing me to do pageants... And she is hitting me if I tell her that I don't want to do pageants!" "Madison, I know what your problem is. I helped a lot of little girls to get away from their mom. What I mean is: Do you really like to live with your mom?" "Not really... She forced me a lot! I feel like a doll, I can never decide on my own and I'm not allowed to play with my best friend Alexis." The man was going to say something, but in this moment my mom came into the room:"Madison, you're ugly child!" She is comming near. Then she hits me on my cheek. I almost fell down. I begin to cry very hard. "It's your turn now! What was that for an idea to run away? You don't deserve it to be beautiful! You are ugly!" "Stop that. NOW!", the man yells at my mom. "You force your daughter and you tell her that she is ugly? What is that for a mom? Madison is not a doll!" My mom was speechless, but after a moment she said:"Madison is my daughter and why do you know her name?" "I saw you yelling at Madison before the pageant begun. You told her that she is not beautiful enough without make up and expensive dresses. I will take Madison now and give her a new home. With a better mother, where she can just be a child!" The man speaks now to me:"Madison, do you want to get a new family?" "Just when I can see Alexis more then before!", I wisper in his ear. Then he wispers back:"You will, Madison. I promise. And my name is John. I will help you, I'm from the child protection agency."

A little later, Alexis mom adopted me. How cool is that?


I would like to thank Madison, to allow me to share her story online. And also a huge thank you to John, who realized that Madison was not feeling good with pageants. Thank you for helping my best friend! Last but not least: Thank you, mom! Thank you for adopting Madison. Without you I would not know how Madison could survive like this.

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 01.07.2010

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Widmung:
This book is dedicated to my today's sister Madison, who got forced to do child beauty pageants.