Panties of Fate

John Warner was driving home from work late one night in his car along the motorway. He was looking forward to seeing his wife, but he was very tired and felt as if he was going to drop off to sleep.
Suddenly, there was a puff of red smoke in the passenger seat next to him. Out of the smoke a Genie materialised who turned to him and spoke in a deep tone.
“I will grant you three wishes. All you have to do is tell me and I shall grant them”
John Warner almost crashed his car in shock as he stared at the Genie in disbelief.
“Oh, be careful as you drive, for you may not survive long enough to choose your wishes”
“Could I wish to have sex with three famous pop stars?”
“Yes”
“Cool I will try that when my wife is at work”
“I’m sure you will”
“Could I travel back in time if I wanted?”
“Yes, anything you choose”
“But how would I come back to this time for example”
“You only have to tell me in your wish and it shall be”
“Could I wish for infinite wishes?”
“Anything you desire”
“OK… I wish for infinite wishes”
“Granted”
“Hmmm... OK… I wish for Michelle Pfeiffer’s panties - the ones she’s actually wearing at the moment - to appear on my head”
“Granted” Suddenly a pair of panties appears on John Warner’s head he loses control of his car as his sight is obscured. He pulls the panties off of his head in shock.
“Oh my God, it came true... Oh my god!”
John Warner regains control of his car just before ploughing into the back of a lorry
“OK, I wish I could go back in time and be Jesus for a day, to perform a miracle, and then return back here at this exact same time.”
“Granted” Suddenly everything changed; there was a blinding white light.
When John Warner regained his senses he found himself crucified on a cross the pain was unimaginable but he felt too weak to cry out, all he could do is shut my eyes and hope the pain went away. He could hear the distant crying from the people in the crowd and he passed in and out of consciousness for what seemed like an eternity.
Two hooded men stood within the crowd. They remained in relative calm whilst all around them wailed. One man turned to the other and said;
“Oh lord this miracle is above all other miracles, for you have forged an illusion in your exact likeness upon the cross dying that all will believe. If I was not with you now my lord, I would have believed you had surely died.” The other man made no reply “When shall we reveal this greatest miracle of miracles my Lord?”
“Three days from now.” The other man spoke in a soft voice.

At three o’clock in the afternoon, darkness invaded the sky and a crash of thunder could be heard as John Warner passed away. Later, he was wrapped in a white burial shroud and sealed within a lonely cave.
When the day had come to an end, John Warner’s body suddenly vanished and appeared back in his car. A faint trace of red smoke was still there in the passenger seat as the car hit the central reservation of the motorway, flipping into the air and rolling down the tarmac in a most gruesome crash.
John Warner’s family were called to the morgue the next day to identify his body.
His wife was more concerned by the panties that were found on John warner’s body, along with the 39 whip marks across his back. She assumed the owner of these panties to have had some sick sexual encounter with him that same night.
…John Warner would not be missed.

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 02.10.2011

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