Hey friends!
I have just completed my next full length novel titled - Daeva: Black Diamond Chrysalis. It's a young adult fantasy but have given many layers that adult audiences should be thoroughly intrigued.
I am about to enter it into a Aussie competition here and am looking for any last minute feedback I can receive to make it as good as I can. I am very excited about it as I have come up with another supernatural world... mehr anzeigen
Hey friends!
I have just completed my next full length novel titled - Daeva: Black Diamond Chrysalis. It's a young adult fantasy but have given many layers that adult audiences should be thoroughly intrigued.
I am about to enter it into a Aussie competition here and am looking for any last minute feedback I can receive to make it as good as I can. I am very excited about it as I have come up with another supernatural world where this one even ties in with sci-fi but also know there's still many kinks to sort out so any feedback would be appreciated greatly!
Here's the blurb if you're interested:
It's a beautiful world, the colours suddenly become supersaturated, the bodies of those bearing life glisten, rivers dance with each molecule jumping from the water with such excited energy that they appear white and the skies above bestow rivers of wonder akin to the Aurora Borealis.
It's a beautiful world, the light has never been brighter, but so too has the dark never felt so heavy.
Two girls fall amidst a world unseen within their own where daevas, young women wielding incredible power, fight against the shades that spill in from the dark world of Noein. They fight to protect this world, to save the soul energy the hungry shades seek, but since this is a world of colour our two protagonists find that good and evil is similarly no longer retained between the borders of black and white.
Abigail and Bethanie are brought into the war, both ushered into daeva abilities of their own but through it don't know where to turn for support and which side to fight. All they know is that people's souls are at stake and they'll do anything to protect that. Especially the ones they love, for them they would sacrifice their very souls.
It is completed, book one of a two part series but no short read. I am doing some final editing as I am uploading so this so far is still a small taste but the rest will rapidly follow. So, if your interest is piqued then here is the link.
http://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-d-r-bolger-daeva/
Any and all feedback would be most appreciated!! Thanks to any you respond and if you send me links to your books I promise to give you feedback too!
Okay, so I saw your post and checked out your book. You have a brilliant idea, and have started the book amazingly in the first chapter.
However, the transition from chapter 1 to chapter 2 was confusing, there's nothing to hint at how far back into her past you have gone, and by... mehr anzeigen
Okay, so I saw your post and checked out your book. You have a brilliant idea, and have started the book amazingly in the first chapter.
However, the transition from chapter 1 to chapter 2 was confusing, there's nothing to hint at how far back into her past you have gone, and by the time I readjusted myself for the chapter, I had lost interest in what was happening to her. Any emotional attachment I had developed in chapter 1 was lost and very hard to recover.
Everyone, including myself, makes this mistake: too long of an explanation. that's what kept me from getting back into the story in chapter 2.
I'm sorry I had to say that, but as you said best to find out sooner rather than later.
but really, you have a great story here, and I hope my comment doesn't discourage you from writing this book because you definitely have something here. I'm really looking forward to reading the whole thing when it's done (or even just bit by bit as the chapters get posted)
:)