Hi
I'm having trouble with this block of dialogue. Is it clear on every line who is speaking? I don't want to use he said, she said etc for every line of speech, so I have used the character's action in some of the lines.
LittleScribbler
"I wonder where all the good/smart writers have gone?" Billie grumbled glancing at Edgar, hidden behind his paper at the other end of the breakfast table.”
"Eh, what?" he said, peering over the... mehr anzeigen
Hi
I'm having trouble with this block of dialogue. Is it clear on every line who is speaking? I don't want to use he said, she said etc for every line of speech, so I have used the character's action in some of the lines.
LittleScribbler
"I wonder where all the good/smart writers have gone?" Billie grumbled glancing at Edgar, hidden behind his paper at the other end of the breakfast table.”
"Eh, what?" he said, peering over the top of the page.
“ I said, where have all the good writers gone? Don't you listen?"
“ Eh, yes, of course."
“ What are you reading?"
Edgar chuckled as he muttered, "The comic strip”.
Billie snorted. Where had those days gone when they used to share everything, she wondered. What happened? When did the problem start? "We used to talk."
Edgar slapped his paper onto the table and spilt his coffee. “Blast!” His face reddened with his growing anger, as he brushed his sleeve across the table. "Well what do you want to talk about then?" He fixed Billie with that familiar cold, sharp look that always seemed to penetrate into Billie's soul.
"It’s just something at work you can’t do anything about. We've got three days before we go to print and there's only one story adequate for this month’s issue.
Edgar raised his bushy eyebrows; a look of puzzlement filled his eyes. "So, use it. What's the problem? You said it was adequate."
“ It's brilliant, but ..." Billie began as she turned to glance at the clock. "Oh, is that the time already?" She pushed back her chair, grabbed her bag and headed for the door.
One grey lock of hair fell hooked over the top of the paper.
"Don’t you have any lectures this morning?
"Not until this afternoon."
“You should have that unruly mop of curls trimmed; it should have been done six months ago,” and as an afterthought, she added, and make certain you clean up that mess before you go,” she called over her shoulder and closed the door behind her.
Hi Asmaugm
What a great subject you have chosen; bullying and racism are huge problems still. Perhaps you could search the internet for stories about how victims in your character's situation dealt with her bullies. I'm sorry I can't help any further, but I wish you success.
LittleScribbler