BookRix

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I read your except and honestly.. I think your book needs a lot of work. I usually use this blog 'Now Novel' to improve my writing and I also read writers digest(another blog). They would definitely help. Please check out those blogs.
~Happy

Well...about your blurb..
I think you should rewrite it(personal opinion) but I don't think you can ask readers if we wonder what happened in the life of a character we don't know. We have to know the character first. Introduce the character.

You don't need to introduce yourself as part of the blurb. The readers want to know about the story. Using punctuation marks would really up your chances of attracting readers. A book without punctuation marks is a big turn off.
A good cover would also help cos lots of people only get to see the cover and the blurb first. If you don't pull them in immediately... You lose them. Hope this was helpful.