BookRix

not at all affended thanks

This has promise and the writing flows, there are some spelling mistakes and typos, also remember to capitalize names, it is Ally not ally. Close punctuation in speech. You are writing a lot in past tense, it needs to be present tense example-you write,I stepped out just in time to see my brother staring at me with anger in his eyes-stepping out of the changing room I see my brother Peter, he is staring over at me and I could feel the anger in his eyes-do you see the difference. When you do speech, it needs to be in a separate paragraph-I have a figure most girls would die for, a great skin complexion, and hazel eyes with dark brown hair.
"What are you doing here, arn't you supposed to be at school?" he said calmly.
"Yep, arn't you also?"
With practice you will get better, just a little advice here hope you are not offended.

i am now

so when are you writing more?