BookRix

dont worry its not harsh at all im not done with the book. i will work on it thank you for your comment.

I like it!!

Anya that wan'st Nice omg your supposed to be nicer at least explian to her a little nicer I'm just saying that was harsh. O-O

okay, i just want to let you know right now that i am pretty thorough when it comes to constructive criticism. I noticed a lot of things. 1.) no qoutes when the characters speak. 2.) virtually no emotion or plot. 3.) i know this is harsh, but i found it rather boring. and its much too short. try going into detail with the movement, the passing of time, the actions. also, try describing the scenery with adjectives. it helps a lot. and for goodness sake! GRAMMAR AND PUNCTUATION!!!!!
the development of the character's personalities was non-existent. and nine months does not pass in the blink of an eye! it should take many chapters to cover that long of a period. and explain the character's past before the murder. like, say something like how Johnathon used to take her for long strolls through the forest and over the hills and presented her with the most beautiful flowers and said that not even those flowers could hold a candle to her beauty.

if you fix these pointers, then let me know and i'll read it again and help you along. On author helping another to tap into their potential. and you do have it. you figured out the setting and the past and some events. you just need to work on your writing skills and learn some adjectives and you're writing will be good. if you ever have any trouble, feel free to contact me. i also recommend you read my book 'Dragon Girl' for examples. happy writing!!

im still writing more dont worry

Are you going to write more?! You have to write more!! If you don't write more I'm going to cry, I have to know what happens!! >:P

Nice