BookRix

My kind of story. Enjoyed its originality.
Voted. And passed it on.

Well, this was a very well pleasing piece. You had me racing through the pages to find the answers to all the silent questions you posed! Wow. This was well done :)

However, you need to define your paragraphs so that it's painfully obvious when a new paragraph begins. Also, the dialogue needs definition, as it's not as clean as would be desired. And though it's perfectly fine as it is now, if you cleaned it up it would feel 'sterilized' and refreshing to read.

Besides that, I couldn't stop reading! I was bewildered at the child's strange ability and his friend's gruff silence. And though the ending wasn't quite the closure I had desired, it was written exquisitely and was very well done, sir. Very well done.

Awesome job!
Keep writing!

---RbG

Well done, Tony. I really enjoyed your entry.

Great work with this short. I thoroughly enjoyed it!