BookRix

I am slowly but surely getting to all the books i have been asked to read.
Your story is different then most. You have made your thoughts into a series of short essays.
they are thought provoking and interesting. you should write more on this subject. /joeparente

Good but it could be even better.

Hi Tina,

Your first drabble seemed poetic and in a way, stream of conciousness. Because of it's poetic feel, using repetition, I wondered if it would work better with more 'literary' language. What's you've used is basic and accessible language.

With number two, where you write: ... the adrenaline takes over me. I'd get rid of the 'me'. This second story is more prose style, but still stream of consciousness.

Number three: You have a mistake here with 'when I whilst I'. There are tense issues with this line: My body is tense when I steered my board ...' Here you've chosen present tense for the piece, so 'steered' should be 'steer'. 'Surfers' in the last line, takes an appostrophe.

Q: Is the Surfer's Paradise in the drabble, the one in Australia?

Good luck with your writing,

Bek :)

Welcome! I admire any new writer willing to get out there and share their work.
I find your writing to have a raw voice, but good. You are right to the point. You could flesh it out more with descriptions, the smells, sights, sounds that you are experiencing as you search for excitement giving your reader a chance to share the experience. On your last story, Surfing, take out "I whilst" it doesn't fit. Keep on writing and sharing! Robynn

Indeed wen we do such things though the fear creeps upon u saying nt to do. Once we do cursing the fear. It'll be a great exp. I see dt u enjoy doing these things. Well written.gud debute

I agree with Ms. Paula, good debut. I liked how you effectively described the feeling for those two sports.

Thanks for the read :)

behind the actions...good debut