BookRix

(●⁰౪⁰●) ︀➸ ＷＷＷ.ＩＮＴＩＭＣＯＮＴＡＣＴ.ＣＯＭ?_ebook-thoughtful-puppet-appearances

great story,

it sunk its teeth into me..p;]

You seem to have a bent for the horror genre. Excellent ending. Plot moves along nicely, keeping the readers interest, and keeps us asking questions, wanting to know the ending. Your quick subtle twist at the end was wonderful. Good job! Robynn

Look to the left of your page when you click on each of your books. You will see: ADD TO GROUPS. Always add your books to at least THE READING LIST and SERIOUS WRITERS. I added Appearances for you to the appropriate groups. Valerie

I read transfixed, wondering where this was going to go. And then I shouted "WOW" at the end, laughing with pleasure at such an unexpected twist.

Yes, dear William, you definitely have writing chops and are a wonderful transferee from Authorstand indeed. I am impressed and happy that my instincts were not wrong. The story is all that matters as minor editing can always be fixed. If you have no plot..no magical and satisfying ending, then you have nothing worth reading. And YOU certainly have something super here, which I hope everyone will read.

You asked for feedback. I gave you the positive stuff. The minor edits are as follows:

First...and only in my opinion...you need a few more commas to break up your sentences.

Page 8 - "wondered" should be "wandered"

Page 9 - (tense issue). Should be: "The labs had been empty when he'd left to submit the daily report."

Page 11 - He thought should be: he thought (don't capitalize He)

Page 12 - "as though a herd of cattle had been," not "as though a herd of cattle was. . . "

Page 14 - should be: his screaming was so loud (not "is so loud")

Page 15 - NOT: "James recalled one of the last times that he saw him." SHOULD BE: "James recalled one of the last time he had seen him." (Put a period after "him" and then start new sentence.)

Hope this helps. A great start to your Bookrix journey. Keep on writing and keep giving us more like this. Well done.

pretty good and going to get you noticed... and notice is also a good thing.

To help insure getting more notice:

http://www.bookrix.com/_groupforumbook-en--appearances-by-thoughtful-puppet-1.html

I really enjoyed this and it's worth the read. Be prepared for some wackiness, but I think it works. I think this is a writer to keep your eyes on... definitely has his own thing going on, and I mean that in a good way.