I read your post on one of the groups so I'm here :)
Note: I'm not an expert on this and this is my first time writing a review here so please feel free to disregard anything I say :)
Story-wise, I really enjoyed the read. The ending was great and that scene where Daniel got home to find his wife hung had a good tension build up.
But I do have some suggestions:
Page 5
I get what you mean about the first two sentences, but I... mehr anzeigen
I read your post on one of the groups so I'm here :)
Note: I'm not an expert on this and this is my first time writing a review here so please feel free to disregard anything I say :)
Story-wise, I really enjoyed the read. The ending was great and that scene where Daniel got home to find his wife hung had a good tension build up.
But I do have some suggestions:
Page 5
I get what you mean about the first two sentences, but I suggest trying to tweak them a bit.
...no human being would leave its(his) bed...
...a lost soul found(would find) its way onto(through or to)...
You've been repeating the word 'streets' a couple of times. I suggest rephrasing some parts.
'loud noise caused by a car' - you could try rephrasing this to something like: loud screeching of tires
...head-lights(headlights)... - though you could change this sentence to: The glaring headlights shone through the darkness, making shadows flee.
*I suppose I shouldn't go into details for the other chapters, but you can message me if you want me to :) Just watch the commas, some typos and I think you could do with rewording some sentences.
Page 23
I think you missed out something on the second sentence of the last paragraph.
Page 29
Confused. Wasn't Hannah talking to Daniel here? It suddenly became Adam.
*Sorry if it's long, but I hope I was able to help :)
