BookRix

Maybe you should be more organized with the pharagraphs. And the story is too quick and confusing for me. I'm just saying, no need to feel ofended.

Terrex, your story is off to a good start and I can't wait to get into the entire story, however let's correct some of the punctuations, syntax and grammar to make it even better! For instance, in the first paragraph ~ Macy watched etc. In the Second paragraph, She answered her phone, "I need etc ., ~ at the end of the sentence answered," he said. Also I notice that the title of his position should be capitalized, Detective Mason.

I think it will be great! Thanks for the share. :)

Editing:
thru---through

There is a really long run-on in the second paragraph. I suggest you break up those sentences, to help the story flow.

Caller 2: somebody that needs---somebody who needs

Check your sentences, as you are missing some punctuation in obvious spots.

Maybe use more descriptive language? The English language is so vast, there are plenty of words you could use to add imagery to your tale.

I like how it's going. With a little polishing, this could be great!

I just read Who is Mr. Code.... I must say I have no idea who he is and what is about to happen. If that is the point of your book a big thumbs up and five stars. :)... Happy writing!

I'm looking forward to more. My only advice is to check for grammar and spelling mistakes. Great start!

i saw your plead on editor101 and desider to help. The story intriged me from the 1st sentence. i love the way you word things and the way the whole thing flows. i only finished the 'main charecter ' portion and desised to write what i thought. the only problems i saw where that you had capitilization in random places and needed periods in other. otherwise i loved what i've read so far. i have a suggestion about the last sentence in 'main charecter' just refrase it a little like say: No one knows whether this is good or bad, but he's imposible to chatch. - buggy!

are you gonna develop the character? would be interesting to read how he fits into a storyline. let me know mate

I have finally got a chance to ready your short introduction to this story, and It sounds to me, that Mr. Code is a socio-path, since he doesn't have friends, keeps to himself, and chooses his victims, randomly. Although, either way you go with this story, would make for an interesting and creepy read. :)

I'm with Tanya. How can we answer these questions:Who is Mr. Code? Or rather; what is he? If all we have is two incomplete chapters. Give us more and we could help more. So far, I'm interested.

A little confusing but it does make me want to keep reading