BookRix

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Nice start i think you should do some paragraphs because i found it a little hard reading it because it was all together if you get what i mean.

And go into more detail in what's happening i know from experience when you want to write everything down so you just write everything but like that your wasting your talent. If you explain and put more detail or emotions of the characters, surroundings and etc it engages the readers more.

This was supposed to be a small comment sorry xD

But i like it so far keep me updated ^.^