BookRix

A good fanfiction, I enjoyed it :)
Anyway, I have an offer related to writing story and I'd like to talk about it.
If you are interested, you can reach me on insta: ods.apa or message me at leonandre880 (at) g m a i l (dot) com
Thanks.

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I love Lord of the Ring, so I'm going to bite. But Marrionottaway's advice sounds very intriguing and would give it the edge it needs if what she claims is so. I say claim because I haven't read it yet, but knowing her, I believe she has more likely hit on the right spot. Have a good day!!!

I slept on what I read and what I wrote in regards to your work. Perhaps the hook that needs to be in place for this tale should start with the sword and Legolas. In the last part of the story you mentioned a sword that was passed on when a king died during a battle. Perhaps you could somehow make that sword the one that fell into Legolas' hands, a sword cursed by sorcery by the enemy to bring down it's enemy - the Elves. It would explain why Legolas struck Aragon down with it without being able to stop himself...a sword that began the insidious weaving of its spell deep in his soul by possession...much as the ring did with the hobbit. The story could then proceed forward with everyone milling around leveling false accusations at Legolas who had no choice but to believe that perhaps he was at fault in ways he himself can no longer comprehend as the spell takes over his life-force completely. It would explain his draining away of personal power, of personal command in all situations Elf. When a story is told, a quest is always at the heart of it...that is the Lord of the Rings. It will give purpose to the story in true Tolkien style. A crime has been committed. IS the crime truly the striking down of Aragon or the stealing away of the soul the Elf hero in Legolas? Would having other secretly corrupted elves help to press that point home while all struggle to make sense of the impossible? No matter how virtuous or pure any race of beings is believed to be there is always room for corruption in the wielding of powers that eventually consumes those who wield it unwisely. That is the lesson to be learned and it seems that is what you are trying to present as the purpose behind your story, as it was in the Lord of the Rings.

I've read what you have written so far and find that the story moved a bit too slowly in terms of settling events surrounding the injuring of Aragon. There was far too much repeated history and conversation which slowed down the pace instead of keeping it up. You need to bring in a bit of back story to clarify what is what at the beginning of the story to avoid confusion. It felt like being dropped into the middle of something without a clear idea of what is going on until the end of the story. I have read the Lord of the Rings as well as seen the most recent movies made. You need to place it somewhere in the context of sense of who is what for what reason and where in that history this tale belongs. It is an interesting beginning of something quite different in terms of focusing on the world of Elf so maybe that is what needs a little plumping out in terms of culture and story line leading up to Legolas' unfortunate circumstance. From what I remembered of the Lord of the Rings, Legolas would not succumb that easily to unjust accusation based on questionable eye witness commentaries. That needs to be addressed given Legolas is a strong character and always has been.