BookRix

Hey Crosswaysnet, for the contest don't the judges have access to the full book?
I will consider your advice. Thanks for reading.

Thanks Wendy. I apreciate your comment and advice.Criticism is good since I get to know my strenghts and my weakness. This story is not part of a bigger book and when you read the complete story you will see why it is a fairy tale.What is a reasonable price for this in your opinion? I will take your advice with me.

Good afternoon RBG, thanks for taking time to read and comment on my work. This book is finished. What you are reading right now is the sample. I did mention who Kenneth is in the story. I appreciate your advice very much and will deffinitely take it to heart.

First of all, why is the book for sale for $3.99? It's not finished!

Also, I can't quite make out who Kenneth is. Is he a god? Is he a personification of weather? I want answers, as all readers do. So you might want to go back and make sure what you've written is pretty clear. It's a bit messy on those pages.

Besides that, this was pretty cool. I liked the tone of the piece, as it was playful yet a tad mature. I think you've got got potential, but you've still got some smoothing out to do. So just work at it. Because like any sport, writing takes time and hard work to master.

But I think it'd do you well to finish this story, especially if you're going to sell it or enter it into a contest.

Just some personal advice,

---RbG

It's in the flash fiction contest, but it's not flash if it's part of a bigger book. It's literally a chapter and that's not flash. Sorry!

The other criticism is the price you're selling this story for. It's excessive, but i suppose that's up to you.

So, anyway as first chapters go, (if this is what it is), this is okay. It didn't blow me away, but I only read the sample, so perhaps the good part comes later.

With regards to your overall technique you should consider eliminating some of your over the top descriptive passages. I find less is more and too much makes the writing seem jarred.

Sorry if this comes across as negative. I'll try and find time to read something else of yours soon.

Good luck in the contest.

Best wishes
Wendy

you'll want to drop the price to 'free.' otherwise you're not going to get many reads from your peers!