Ryan:
Write what you know. Read what you know, a perfect match up. I can tell, without a doubt, you knows college life, the beginning of semester, the move in (not just furniture) the frat parties, and your characters getting wasted by the end of the third chapter. Your writing is fluid and easy, catches the scene, and you handle several characters at the same time.
It was easy to keep reading along with your flowing... mehr anzeigen
Ryan:
Write what you know. Read what you know, a perfect match up. I can tell, without a doubt, you knows college life, the beginning of semester, the move in (not just furniture) the frat parties, and your characters getting wasted by the end of the third chapter. Your writing is fluid and easy, catches the scene, and you handle several characters at the same time.
It was easy to keep reading along with your flowing narrative, but then, finally with a ho-hum I suddenly realized –flat line. I was into real life, not the story I think you wanted me to hear. Real life is often flat; fictional stories are not so. The idea of write what you know can be both a blessing and a curse.
Ryan, I noticed you have entered this piece into Romeo and Juliet; Yes, the characters were out to win the gals, but when you had the opportunity to really fire up the emotions and motives of your characters in the early dance scenes, you did not. Not for me anyway. Rather I read (pages 4-5) about how each guy was different in reference to dancing and his list.
I would encourage you to dig deeper into the emotions of your characters as they make connections with one another and this will naturally bring more peaks and valleys to the story. The characters will come alive and draw the reader into the story. Easy to say. Difficult to do. I know. I struggle with this as well.
I skimmed the rest of the piece. The dialogue is good, but attention needs to be given to the paragraphing of it. Too much telling rather than showing especially at end when you tell how each character was taken in direction different than he expected.
Ryan, I enjoyed the story, could relate to it, and more important I really believe you can find a relatively wide readership for his story. Your ease in writing shows through as well as your interest in creating a piece of important life to many.
I look forward to reading more of your work and will encourage others to do so as well. I hope you choose to become an involved member of bookrix. Best of luck and keep writing.
