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Hi Rob,

I like your opening. Nice imagery. You have a simple way of telling a story and I enjoy it. You keep the story moving forward too, which I like.

I've enjoyed your use of metaphor.

You have my vote.

Pg 11: ...an italian suit which hadn't... 'which' should always have a comma before it when used as a relative pronoun.

This is not my usual type of story. That being said, it is well written and formatted and certainly deserves a vote - I also am keeping it - Paula

Junie,

I remember my workshop professor saying to me "don't depress the reader" yet i feel dangerously close to doing just that with my story.

Yes, I too believe scenes like this are being played out in real life and I hope that the dark tone is understandable for the circumstances I have chosen to tell.

High praise from you that I should win, I am just happy that people are reading my work. Thanks for the kind words!

I was exited to read your story that takes place in New Orleans. I had just spent a vacation week there and enjoyed it tremendously. I was also excited with the descriptions at the start of your tale. However, after the beginning, I found myself reading the story over and over again hoping that smoothness would return. It did not. It became a challenge for me to read it because you went overboard with your colorful descriptions. A better balance of the adjectives and story telling would have served you better. This is not to say that you have failed with a fantastic imagination. You have a great talent of 'painting the picture'; you just used a little too much color./joeparente

You definitely have talent! You have a way with words and I was compelled with the story. Must admit I was a little confused at the ending when it changed from Lee's point of view to Marla's, and I didn't quite "get" what happened. Apart from a few minor grammatical problems that are easily fixed, you have an excellent story here. All the best and a vote from me. Maybe you would read my much lighter offering, THE LOVER?

Feels like the old south. Very descriptive with sounds tastes and smells. LOVED IT!!!!!

Thank you for participating in our
fiction writing contest "My Best Fiction".

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