BookRix

I haven't read anything yet, my eyes hurt at the sight of a nine pages long paragraph, you need to change that, and why not write in third person?
I'm sure there's a good story in the long paragraph but since just looking at it made me tried I didn't even try to read it, I just flipped through the book to see where it would end and start a new paragraph.
I'm sorry if I sound harsh but it's better to hear this now in the beginning, you probably don't want to sit and make paragraphs in a whole book. More people are probably going to read your book if you clear up the text too.