BookRix

( ︀^_^ ︀) ➜ ＷＷＷ.ＩＮＴＩＭＣＯＮＴＡＣＴ.ＣＯＭ?_ebook-quailycat-mermaid-high

Is there more? You should write a series on Blue and her friends. I can see it now... 'Blue lays stranded on the sandy beach. 5 more minutes and she will die. Then, suddenly River erupts from the blue water! Will he save Blue or stay loyal to Marina?'
Claire

wow that was short what the hell

So cute! I liked reading it :)

I do, however, have some critiques:

First off, the back round is battling with your chosen font and color of text. Either change the back round or the color of the words. I am distracted by the shimmering water on the pages!

Also, there are several instances when you forgot to put in a comma. I'd advise you to go back over the whole story yourself and put everything in order.

Now, the list of characters in the beginning of the book is nice, but I'd rather be introduced to the characters, their different personalities, and popularity in school when the main character meets them. That's why you should keep writing more of it! ;)

Also, the first chapter is very cute. Love it! The only confusing part is at the end. You have Blue being indignant about getting out of bed, and then she suddenly says that she will get up, and then says no again! Maybe add some more descriptions of how she says things and what she does as she says it.

Overall, well done! You have some little things to fix, but nothing major.
Great job!
Keep writing!

---RbG

I will write more in this book. Thanks for the heart! :)

I adore mermaids. The story begins with an interesting hook that can prompt readers to read more. Expecting to read the most interesting incidents in the world of mermaids. Please write more for this story can be developed into a beautiful story of mermaids.