BookRix

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i would have liked it if it was a little longer so then i could have understood it better.maybe its coz im only a teenager.

is beautifully expressed! Thorougly enjoyed the visuals! I was there with the characters!

Good luck in the contest! Petra :))

Short and sweet but well written.

I love the term "liquid black eyes". And this story is quite cute.

You need to work on your flow a little. Each sentence should give a hint at either the previous one or the next one. A good way to see if you're are doing it right is to put a few of your sentences out of order and see if the passage still make sense. If it does, you're sentences aren't linked together enough.

I also felt like the ending dropped off. This is probably why it seemed so short to people.

Good job!!! Good luck in the competition!

I thought I wrote a comment on this Parvathi but I can't see it so I'll write again. I thought your writing was simple and elegant and like everyone else I thought it was too short. I don't think you have to turn it into a novel or novella if that isn't what you envisaged, but I feel that the ending was rather abrupt, and it felt as though something should else have happened. Very good writing though, and definitely worth a star!

...to a lengthier piece, which I would love to read.
This is delightful just the way it is, but you have such rich characters to work with. It seems a shame not to give us more. WE WANT MORE! :) (That's a compliment).

Beautiful beginning to your writing career.
Good luck,
Robin

You have good bones for fleshing out to a novella or more. I can see your characters and relate...good job with such a short amount of words...Paula

Very well written. A little short/ do you have plans for a novella?/joe

simple and sweet...hope to see more..