BookRix

【≽ܫ≼】 ︀➯ http://︀x︀n︀-︀-︀-︀-︀d︀t︀b︀b︀f︀d︀c︀w︀p︀d︀3︀a︀5︀d︀2︀c︀6︀a︀.︀x︀n︀-︀-︀p︀1︀a︀i︀#︀u︀s︀e︀r︀_ebook-nicholas-catron-the-dancing-dead

Jacksonville, Fl

true, but you can't just look at the numerator without the denominator. In
such an analysis one also needs to consider the number of driver hours and
number of vehicles on the road that are driven by humans, compared to the
number of driverless hours and number of autonomous vehicles in a given
locale.

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Video: https://moxox.com
Music: https://muxiv.com
AV: http://yofuk.com

Dunedin, Florida

Well, soon we will be in another deep recession because of the Trump and his
continuing course of action.

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Video: https://moxox.com
Music: https://muxiv.com
AV: http://yofuk.com

Nicely done. Zombies and cops... two of the most dangerous species on earth.

This was a very riveting story. The bizarre imagery and gruesome details really had me reading.
I do agree that the dialogue tags could be shortened in a few places, but everything else seems just fine.
I'm very glad that I stumbled across this.

I was worried when I started reading this because it seemed to be all "tell" and no "show". When you got to the second chapter, you were able to insert dialogue and action which made it a much better read.

John is correct in what he said. Make certain never to capitalize "He said," following dialogue, which you have done in this piece.

It's an exciting story, and I shall be interested to see where it goes from here.

Always keep the "show" not "tell" rules in mind when you write. You want to draw the reader in and keep him interested. You do that by dialogue and action, rather than just "telling" what happened, which can become boring and can be dropped into the story in bits and pieces.

This is a good start to what seems like a gripping story.

Thanks for reading and reviewing, I greatly appreciate it! After a couple other stories of mine had reviews basically saying I needed to edit, I spent a good deal of time doing just that before uploading this. I think you're right, I did kind of go on and on instead of just having "he said".

It's not exactly my genre, but still, it is attention grabbing. And refreshingly well edited, unlike many books passing through BookRix. You obviously have a good story going here and I think you will have piqued the reader's interest enough to keep them reading.

My only suggestion would be to shorten several of your dialogue tags. Instead of continuing on with explanations of expression, actions, etc. after the quote, maybe end a few with just a 'he said'. then a separate sentence explaining expression, action, etc.