BookRix

I like the concepts you're working with here, and that you have the imagination to visualize a war on a transcendent level. This is well-written. Good job.

Plot-wise, this is original and quite unique, although somewhat difficult to follow at times. It probably needs re-reading a couple of times to really get your message.

Construction-wise, too many semi-colons where commas would have done just as well. Always follow dialogue with a comma rather than a period. No stand alone "He saids" please. Thoughts are more easily recognized if put in italics, but that is just my own preference.

I liked this and the fact that it IS different makes me want to read more of your work. Well done.

Well written and well crafted fantasy

Big fantasy in a small story.

You have a good story going on. However, I'd suggest making the thoughts in italics rather than in quotes, so it's not confusing to the reader.