BookRix

it's a good piece

B ︀е ︀s ︀t ︀❤️ ︀P ︀о ︀r ︀n ︀★ ︀S ︀t ︀а ︀r ︀s, ︀open ︀link ︀↪ http://︀ᴺ︀ᵃ︀k︀ᵉ︀ᵈ︀%2D︀ᵍ︀ⁱ︀ᴿ︀l︀s︀%2e︀o︀ⁿ︀ˡ︀ᴵ︀ⁿ︀ᵉ/c%2ftrack%2fl%2f︀bookrix︀%2f︀_ebook-nicholas-catron-be-careful-what-you-wish-for

The story drew me in mediately, and kept my attention to the last.

Personally I really like your style of writing.

I feel sorry for Merick, but I understand how he came to be in the situation he found himself to be in.

Very well written.

Maybe I should have gone through this story a bit better before posting....oh well.

Interesting story. It reminded me of a Stephen King short I once read in "Everything's Eventual" I believe. Some grammatical issues and I didn't quite get the ending, but that's just me. Overall, a good read.

My same comments apply here as in your other story. You use semi colons incorrectly. They should only be used for separate thoughts or phrases within a sentence. Dialogue should be followed by a comma, not a period.

As far as your plot is concerned, I am probably at fault here. I did not really understand what was going on. When you use the name "Merick" I thought of the Elephant Man, and could not get that out of my head. I am a little obtuse at times but on the other hand, if I did not truly "get" what what was happening, perhaps others might not either.

The first sentence of the second to last paragraph makes no sense...as if you had left out a word or two. I would suggest you re-read your work and fix all the minor grammatical errors to make it more polished and flow better.

First off I have to say i love reading short stories , it always leaves the imagination to run wild and you definitely had that effect. However, a pet peeve i have and I have it because i do this all the time is simple words like got, something, thing etc. You used a couple of those. It might be better to substitute them for less common words. I hope i make sense. I'm not an expert at writing, but I know that would be an issue for some readers. Other then that I enjoyed the read