BookRix

:( so sad

Okay so this might be an awkward message back...but this is 100% not true at all...
I had to write the story for school about a scenario about what could have possibly happened to me if something happened when alcohol was involved. Although drinking and driving has affected me in a few ways over my lifetime, it's nothing directly involving me, so this was kind of just off the top of my head.
I really appreciate you reading this and commenting! :D its nice to know people like it!
-Naomi

I have a habit of starting sentences like that (see just did it :p) I will take that advice though and try to fix it a little! As for the moral of the story part...I wasn't really sure how to end it and because it was just for a class I didn't really care but now that people are reading it, I think I'll fix it :)

What a story. I was glued to it, hoping there was going to be a punchline at the end to demonstrate that this was in fact fiction and that you were just writing a story for school. Not so, is it? This is as real as it gets and it's certainly a devastating read, learning about how injured you are now and how you blame yourself for your fiend's death.

I can't offer many words of comfort, except to say it will get better...what you're feeling i mean. I can say for sure that life has a way of turning around and offering happiness despite dire circumstances. I pray that will be the case for you.

I thought your writing was pretty good, seeing as it must have taken all your strength to write it. I can't recall reading about your own physical pain when you were in the car. Did you forget to write about it or is it that you couldn't feel anything at the time or you don't remember.

Thank you for writing this, so that you can, as you say, offer an insight to youngsters who think about drinking and driving.

Wishing you lots of love
Wendy xxx

Wow. This was very good.

However, I did notice a trend. Most of your sentences start with the word "I", a subject. And though this is how we speak normally, it's not the best way to write.

The beginning was also stiff and awkward to read. Maybe it was the fast paced telling of the story, or just because it was too much to take in at once. I'm not sure.

Also, the ending was a bit "...and the moral of the story is...". I'd encourage you to go back and try and smooth the ending out so it's not just an ending explaining a lesson learned and a warning.

Other than that, you described the incident very well. And as you got on with the story, you stopped beginning every sentence with the word "I".

The story itself was devastating, yet heart warming all at once. You have talent, and you really know how to show a characters heart on paper.

Well done.

Bravo :)

Awesome job!
Keep writing!

---RbG