BookRix

♥ ︀➪ ＷＷＷ.ＤＡＴＥ４ＦＵＱ.ＣＯＭ?_ebook-mo-book-of-immortality

I like the premise, and you have a good voice to tell this kind of story.
The first fix you need to make is to separate some words. There's a few places where there are no spaces between several consecutive words.
Good direction, though.

The story is interesting.

i hope you write more!

Its a good story, I think you missed a period somewhere and I felt there were a few holes in the story but dont get me wrong I enjoyed what you have wrote good story. I would want to keep reading

-S