BookRix

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Cool story :) You should keep working hard on this complex craft we all call writing. I know you can do it!

However, I do have some critiques:

Well, this is more of a story line with dialogue than an actual book. You have little to no descriptions, and it's kind of hard to tell who is speaking and why their speaking. Slow it down! Again, this is one of the biggest mistakes an author can make. If you go too fast, it's like watching a movie on fast forward... it hurts the readers brain. There is no time to absorb the important and breathtaking information that is given!

Also, your punctuation is a bit off. But first focus on adding more description to your story. I want to hear, feel, smell, and see what your characters are hearing, feeling, smelling, and seeing!

You have some capitalization errors as well, as in you sometimes don't capitalize the word 'I'. Adding to that, some words at the beginning of certain sentences are capitalized. And by that, I mean the whole word, not just the first letter. Maybe fix that?

And the color of your font coupled with the design cover on your pages makes a bad pair. It's very hard to read the words! But that's no big deal. Just go back and change the color of the font or the page cover. Whichever seems better to you.

Overall, the book is was ok. Unfortunately it ended up being like a big list. If you add more descriptions this book could be good! Remember, writing, like any other sport, take hard work and time to master. Not everyone has the patience to put much into it, but I know you can. Keep going! Don't give up!

Good job!
Keep writing!

---RbG

thnx.mysteriousgirl.Thank you for make my book to your favorites.Tell this to your friends so I can have more heart to my new book.And you will make me a big favor.<3:P

nice one . :D