BookRix

I actually relly like it so far I hope you add more. As soon as I started reading it it got interesting. Continue it and it will be awesome..okaaayy? Im gonna add this to my favorites now..

It's s very fast pace story.
But I like it. You should keep it going!
Only one negative thing hit me : the dialogue is a bit hard to read since the lines are all mushed together. And there are just a few capitalization errors.
I'm just hoping the story does not go over-board romantic.
But please keep writing :)

---RbG
By the way, if you'd like, could you read my book A World Invisible To The Wise and give me some feedback? I'd appreciate it if you did :)

Good start, although it does sound a bit twilight. You could try to change it a bit here and there to give it your own style. Grammar is good and would like to see where you're going with it.