Solid start; I like how you set up the history of the town and how it lead to his background. As the aristrocrats taking themselves priorty to the townspeople; really helped set up the scene when he mentions his mother's death and his family circumstances. Also the consideration you put into your main chatacter is nicely done- eldest boys are known to be strong, expected to be responsible and prepared all in which you... mehr anzeigen
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The main character is very likeable :) and the book all together is a fun read. I initially didn't think the ravens would be very good as the kinda bad guy role, considering most books like this have monsters, dragons and other scary magic stuff lol but the way you've written it actually gives the ravens quite a scary edge and makes a lot of the book quite atmospheric. I enjoyed and so would like to back the idea of a saga! Lol
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wow! thank you so much for your feedback! thats really insightful! and the ravens are nothing more than tool. I was considering bringing dragons, but then i realised itd be too much like the Inheritance Cycle by Christopher Paolini at the very least i MIGHT bring in a talking... mehr anzeigen
Yea I would stick with the ravens too, they definitely work and I think adding more would take away from the quality of what you've already produced :) (plus a talking cat would maybe be a touch too much like Sabriel) but I'll read more if you write more.
yay! thanks so much for your feedback! maybe ill bring in an old man to help Declan. oh, thats his name, by the way. i put off using it becuase i hadnt decided on a name. besides, with his family gone, what need would there have been fro someone to say 'hey, declan!' you know?
You're welcome :)
Please ignore the publication date. I have o idea how Bookrix figures that date, and I do not know how to change it. Sorry!
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wow! just as helpful and I was hoping for! Thanks so much for reading it! Also, love the details! About the ravens, I was picturing them as normal-sized ravens, but theyre able to transport, or kidnap, people and livestock due to a magic that their creator bestowed them with,... mehr anzeigen
wow! just as helpful and I was hoping for! Thanks so much for reading it! Also, love the details! About the ravens, I was picturing them as normal-sized ravens, but theyre able to transport, or kidnap, people and livestock due to a magic that their creator bestowed them with, which is why the scroll appeared when the raven was killed by Declan. Oh, you dont know his name yet! whoops. Im still working on Chapter One so I havent put it up yet. Thats where we learn his name. Howd you like the lack of a name? I tried reading a book that didnt give names in the first several pages, but I just couldnt handle it. It was in Old English so it was confusing and I just got lost.
I like that you left out the name, because I got to know him for who he is; not as oh this is...introduction. Not only that, but it put me more into the story as if I was the main character, til it mentioned he was a boy of course. Although even then it did not break the... mehr anzeigen
I like that you left out the name, because I got to know him for who he is; not as oh this is...introduction. Not only that, but it put me more into the story as if I was the main character, til it mentioned he was a boy of course. Although even then it did not break the connection with the story. As for the other names they did help keep the events clear, after all with a history background; the reader would expect names of people and places.
And the teleport idea makes good sense, coming up with limits to it might be intresting though; as I would think that he would either have to fight them or find some way to use them to get to his family. After all every ability has an advantage and disadvantage.
Yeah, I'm going to have Declan use that teleportation magic to take im to his family, but not until he's well-trained and prepared. That's most of the journey and I've already started outlining the rest of the book. Glad you like it! and thanks so much again for commenting so... mehr anzeigen
Yeah, I'm going to have Declan use that teleportation magic to take im to his family, but not until he's well-trained and prepared. That's most of the journey and I've already started outlining the rest of the book. Glad you like it! and thanks so much again for commenting so well! It really does make a world of difference.