The Raven

Von:
User: melmmhs94
The Raven

An evil enchantress rules the land, using her henchmen, the ravens, to gather the workforce she need. But, she may have just bit off more than she can chew with the newest additions to her number of prisoners. A brother travels the land, intent on destroying her and restoring peace to the land. Will he succeed, or will he also be captured, and doom the world to her evil?

Beiträge und Kommentare
Wichtiger Beitrag
Elaya Ice

Solid start; I like how you set up the history of the town and how it lead to his background. As the aristrocrats taking themselves priorty to the townspeople; really helped set up the scene when he mentions his mother's death and his family circumstances. Also the consideration you put into your main chatacter is nicely done- eldest boys are known to be strong, expected to be responsible and prepared all in which you... mehr anzeigen

5 Kommentare
melmmhs94

wow! just as helpful and I was hoping for! Thanks so much for reading it! Also, love the details! About the ravens, I was picturing them as normal-sized ravens, but theyre able to transport, or kidnap, people and livestock due to a magic that their creator bestowed them with,... mehr anzeigen

Elaya Ice

I like that you left out the name, because I got to know him for who he is; not as oh this is...introduction. Not only that, but it put me more into the story as if I was the main character, til it mentioned he was a boy of course. Although even then it did not break the... mehr anzeigen

melmmhs94

Yeah, I'm going to have Declan use that teleportation magic to take im to his family, but not until he's well-trained and prepared. That's most of the journey and I've already started outlining the rest of the book. Glad you like it! and thanks so much again for commenting so... mehr anzeigen

Dieser Kommentar wurde gelöscht.
Dieser Kommentar wurde gelöscht.
Wichtiger Beitrag
kylerjames

The main character is very likeable :) and the book all together is a fun read. I initially didn't think the ravens would be very good as the kinda bad guy role, considering most books like this have monsters, dragons and other scary magic stuff lol but the way you've written it actually gives the ravens quite a scary edge and makes a lot of the book quite atmospheric. I enjoyed and so would like to back the idea of a saga! Lol

4 Kommentare
melmmhs94

wow! thank you so much for your feedback! thats really insightful! and the ravens are nothing more than tool. I was considering bringing dragons, but then i realised itd be too much like the Inheritance Cycle by Christopher Paolini at the very least i MIGHT bring in a talking... mehr anzeigen

kylerjames

Yea I would stick with the ravens too, they definitely work and I think adding more would take away from the quality of what you've already produced :) (plus a talking cat would maybe be a touch too much like Sabriel) but I'll read more if you write more.

melmmhs94

yay! thanks so much for your feedback! maybe ill bring in an old man to help Declan. oh, thats his name, by the way. i put off using it becuase i hadnt decided on a name. besides, with his family gone, what need would there have been fro someone to say 'hey, declan!' you know?

kylerjames

You're welcome :)

Wichtiger Beitrag
melmmhs94

Please ignore the publication date. I have o idea how Bookrix figures that date, and I do not know how to change it. Sorry!

2 Kommentare
lazarus67

Great beginning to what can become a great story (possibly a saga).

melmmhs94

Thats not a bad idea!! A saga....itd be tricky, but...we'll see how it goes.

Um eine optimale Funktionsweise zu gewährleisten, verwendet unsere Website Cookies. Durch die Nutzung der Website stimmst Du der Verwendung von Cookies zu. Mehr Infos
OK
Top of page
Kein Miniaturbild Entfernen Bitte wähle einen Grund aus Bitte gib die Stelle im Buch an. de de_DE