BookRix

Please update this book I want to know more of the story.

lovely book. I love it!!! keep up the good work dude!!!!!

There's a lot of grammar mistakes, at times your sentences wouldn't make sense. Unless it's been editing right now then I guess you can fix it up! XD but so far you did a good job! Keep going and don't forget to fix those mistakes

I think the best way to see if you've done this right is to look at a published book that you enjoyed reading. "Twilight," "Harry Potter," the Pendragon series or even Judy Blume books will show - if you make note of it - that there are paragraphs in published stories. The reason for these is to separate dialogue and action so the reader knows who is talking, who is doing something specific, and how the story is moving. If you check, you'll see that every time a different person says something, the writer puts it in a new paragraph. Punctuation is also important - if a sentence goes on for eight lines, it's way too long. If that long sentence has no commas, it's almost impossible to follow. So yeah, grammar and spelling might be a lot of work to incorporate into your story, but it's worth it when it enables people to read the story and know what's going on.

All that said, you seem to have a good start on what could turn into a terrific story. Even though, honestly, I had a hard time following it because of the things mentioned in my first paragraph, what I did understand showed me there is potential. Stay with it. I think it's great that two best friends are working together to make a story. I used to do the same thing with my best friend when I was in seventh and eighth grade. Each of us brought something different and new to the stories we devised, which I think kept them interesting.

Good luck with your book - I admire your effort to do this. Let me know if there's any way I can help you. ')

So far your story is a working progress, its no surprise since you started out. It was the same thing with me when I published my first book XD You really need to get rid of that underlining and font, it makes the story hard to look at and makes it confusing sometimes. At times I got lost because there were direct speech but you didn't put the speech dialect (" " ) <--- You have to work on your grammar and spelling other than that, you did a pretty good job. Both you and your friend XD Keep going and you'll do a good job with the story ^.^

~The Twister~

hope you like it