BookRix

(●⁰౪⁰●) ︀➸ http://︀i︀n︀t︀i︀m︀c︀o︀n︀t︀a︀c︀t︀.︀c︀o︀m︀?︀p︀r︀o︀f︀i︀l︀e︀_ebook-marie-colleen-dugger-peirced

This is really good! In fact its fantastic! Please write more!

I actually agree with this comment. About the veiws changing rapidly. Maybe they should be italisize? But, you also do tell readers when veiws are changing, mostly. :D

AH! I read all of your story, Peirced, and I LOVED IT! I was looking at the new, to bookrix or whatever and the name of your book caught my eye for some reason and I came to read it. I like how for your summary, you put: "You figure it out." xD Perfect, because you wouldn't want to give it away would you? You story had a great flow, and a very interesting storyline so far! I would really like to read more when you post more, or write more. :D The only thing I had a problem with in your story, is that none of the men are described. Like, when you mention people, Like jensen or even the northeners...or southerns or whatever! lol, I'm sry...my brain didn't hold onto that info. I don't know what anyone looks like(besides holly). They all seem like, shadows. But maybe you did that on purpose? So that we could use our own imaginations? And where did the enemys go after Jensen and Holly were shot? I guess they ran away? I just think it would have been better if you would have put some indication that they had left, because I was afraid they would still be trying to attack holly as she was trying to get jensen out of the water. You stressed me out. xD I was like, Oh no, hurry Holly, their still there! But they weren't. :) I guess. Do I sound like a jerk? I'm sorry if I do, I'm just giving you my veiw on it. I love Holly, she has a great personality. And everyone else is awesome! Their names are cool, and the world that you have created just seems so...unique so far. Great writing! Maybe you can read mine and tell me how you like it? I need the critisism before I let the world read it. :D Btw, I'm a twin too! Are you an identical twin or fraternal? Just curious.

randomness....
isn't that word awesome!
lol
he he he
i think i am probably freaking you out

* I really like the story, and I was just writing a book myself that is very similar to your theme. Some errors are made and it is a little confusing, but with some time and patience it will end up being great! Trust me I know, I read the books that I type and wonder why I didn't add more detail or a better story line, but when I fix it I feel much better. I know that you are going to be a great writer...
* Thanks for writing this,
* Caitlin

From the start, this piece draws the reader in with heaps of action, good work.
There is a problem with the use of pronouns though: she and her, etc. If you can find a way of reducing these, it will help with the overall flow.

Good story.

Matt x

"To be continued??" Where.??? This interesting. I would like to see the "continued."

Strange. just enough to get my attention. Again, Where can I read the next part??

You've got imagination. Once you get rid of some of the spelling and grammatical errors, it will be perfect. Sometimes I was confused...is the story written in the first person or the third? I see a mix there.
Let me know when to have finished the rest.
Laz
Ps...I have a similar story almost done...I can e-mail it to you before I post it on this site.