BookRix

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This is a fine excerpt and would make a great first page teaser at the beginning of the novel. I really want to see you continue with your stories. It feels like you have a better handle on this than you did in Knight. Both have excellent potential though and should have more, more, more! :) RMH

This is really well-written. Way to go! I could easily "see" the characters and the scene in my mind's eye...

This is really well-written. Way to go! I could easily "see" the characters and the scene in my mind's eye...

first I love your cover !, your plot grabs the reader and keeps it. More please you can take this very far :) Great read.

Love it :) Please continue writing!

Fantastically interesting and, with only a few minor touch-ups (better suggested by more grammatical experts) a really fine bit of writing.

I can see how this could easily spawn the rest of the story - both before and after this incident.

Well done. Please continue.