Great job with descriptive language; made it easy to visualize the two characters and what they were going through.
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You took something so simple and made it sound so beautiful and intriguing. This story would makes a person think back to a time in their life when they shared that feeling with someone. I especially enjoyed the fact that you were able to be so descriptive without using any explicit or negative language.
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There is an irresistible quality to this story, and the writing that makes it up. At times it's nearly brilliant, "After a moment of hesitation, his hand reached her face, caressing her cheek and the outline of her lips with gentle fingertips. He lingered there for a minute,..." That's not flowery or over-the-top, but VERY descriptive, and very moving.
In the last sentence of the opening paragraph, however, I think "luscious... mehr anzeigen
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I had no idea how old you were when I read this story and give you a heart. What lay inside such a young person's mind (imagination)it's bewildering. And although age means nothing when it comes to telling a remarkable story, this was still surprising. The story was sad, yes, but it was beautifully told, from the spirit of a sage writer. The only thing would be knowledge, the reader ponders why he died, where she ran off too,... mehr anzeigen
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Wow.. That was great....like I don't have words to even tell how great that was.....I can only say 'wow'
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Wow.. That was great....like I don't have words to even tell how great that was.....I can only say 'wow'
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It was so touching the way she comforted him to the end, and then just turned and walked away in her own pain.
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That is a question which I realize I didn't answer in the story haha. I left a whole bunch of those open to interpretation. It could have been her or someone different. However, I had the idea when I wrote it that it was not her. Her emotions were too heartfelt to belong to a killer.
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