BookRix

Oddly, the first time I read this I did not read the last page. I am glad I reread it.
I delight in your work.

A delight to read. I too admired 'Walter'.

beautiful story i really enjoyed that you are a great artist

Thank You for sharing.

Hi Leslie,

Very interesting story. I like your take on things, maybe they're not so evil after all.

Some of the dialogue tags aren't necessary. E.g.: "Perhaps I'll do something terrible to you for defying me," Charon bullied. By reading this sentence I get a sense already that Charon is threatening and behaving in a bullying manner. This makes your dialogue tag reduntant. You can show the reader 'who' is doing the talking by putting an action in like you did with "You'd be surprised by what more I can do," Charon bared his long, white teeth in an angry grimace (although you are telling us with the angry grimace part and can probably leave that off). Or if you know the reader should know who is talking, then put no tag or action.

Definitely one of my favorites Leslie (already have it saved).

Will be back to read more of your stuff soon...looks like you've been busy!
Good luck in the contest!

Robin

great rendering - fantastic ending! voted and kept Paula

LOL---Very good comment.

. . . a long, overly drawn out joke but its none the worse for it. I wondered if the Health & Safety boys were about to demand hard hats for all on-site/riverside workers. So that's where Walter went.

This is my second read of your book. I must admit that i didn't read it close enough the first time. I did this time and found it extremely well written. You have a talent for writing such an unusual story. I have voted a star for you as well as the one that counts./joeparente