BookRix

♥ ︀➪ ＷＷＷ.ＦＡＮＴＡＺＭ.ＯＮＬＩＮＥ?_ebook-layla-stone-tears

Oh, sweetness, what a moving story...of mourning, hope and unconditional love. Your writing is wise beyond your years, still with that wonderful, youthful sense of hope.

A few times, it seemed abrupt to me. Before I really knew who Sam and Alicia were; Alicia was dead and it was three years later. Before I figured out that they were teenagers, I was confused when Sam is thrown in a dumpster. Why? And he misses class. I would love more backstory. Is he in college now? Was he driving at the age of 13 or 14, if he's in high school three years later?

You also change tense -- I do this sometimes too -- a lot. Keep the dialog natural. "It is I" didn't fit the regular speech pattern of the other dialog. "It's me!" works better.

Great beginning, though. I'd love you to do more research on people who have seen spirits of those they love [see the films, "Ghost" and "Truly, Madly, Deeply"]; and give us more backstory and some more "reality" of a ghost visiting. Why are Alicia's clothes wet, shredded? It's too moving a story to make her spooky or scary after death.

All in all, you're on your way to be one of our greatest romantic writers! I hope you pursue some writing in your future, you write beautifully and naturally.

Thank you! I'm glad people enjoy my work.

i was crying! i can kinda relate to sam. u hav just made my day