BookRix

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Comments, reviews, & suggestions as I read ... :

- " I gasped, blood flew out, covering the ground with red." In my opinion I think this sentence would sound more fluent if you changed it to " I gasped, as I saw my own blood flowing out of my wound, and covering the ground in a layer of red." Just a suggestion to make it a bit more fluent and intriguing.

- "....beatting" should be "beating"

- I think it's awesome how you began your book with a conflict and basically began your book on a cliffhanger for us readers.

- "... angerly" should be angrily.

- " I stood up, balancing myself by holding the rock and some trees." I think this sentence might sound better if you just tweaked it a little and turned it into " I stood up, balancing myself on anything within arms reach." OR " I stood up, latching onto anything and everything that was in my surrounding."

- "Run, or try to run..." Haha this doesn't make sense. Maybe you meant like " Run away, or try to run...etc"

- "...fell into a patch of grass.." "Into" should be "Onto"

- Overall this was pretty awesome, nice job, and defo continue. :)

I just recommend you go back and read your work like every awesome writer does. Usually when we go back we find stuff that we might have liked before but ..well everybody changes their mind and I'm sure you will too.

By the way I think the cover is rockin' ..yes don't you love my corny word xP

~ Jillian who is not beautiful haha.

whatever

I actually wrote the begining weeks before in my laptop, then in A.R the day before you saw it I copied the begining down and left it because I was unsure what to do from there. Then the next day you saw it and told me to write more. So I didn't lie.

i told you to write it in social studies y you given false information

Hey guys, here's Breaking All My Vows, the story of an abused princess, an evil boy named Aden, and a smexy prince named Kain. I started writing this during my Accelerated Reader time, which is basically time in school were you read. I was bored and I pulled out my notebook and started to write, so here it is! Hope you guys enjoy it! :)

(P.S. the title might change! I'm still deciding on what to call it!)

<3 Sakurahime1234 <3