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Woodstock, NY

Six million, no less, who would have thought?

It is a toxic mix that can't be fixed. Right now, Americans have no shared
values other than self-interest, football, and guns. Germans are wise to
observe how recklessly we are faltering in every regard.

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Hi,

Love the front cover. I think it is great that you've stuck to this task and planned out 90 pages. Well done. I've popped a couple of queries and comments in for page 5 & 6.

Pg 5: Should 'This just in' be 'This 'is' just in'?

Your first scene is funny. People will see this as pretty slapstick. I hope that's your intention.

Pg 5: Should 'I've come to clam your souls' be 'I've come to 'claim' your souls'?

In the second parenthesis where you say 'The newscaster's head explodes', do you mean the evil one?

Man 1's comments on page 6 are not plausible, they appear contrived, I don't think a man would turn to his wife and say 'did you see that woman disappear and that man's head explode', I think it is more likely, they'd turn to each other in amazement/shock and say some kind of expletive. OMG! or 'Did you see that?' or in the non-believing mans view, 'What a joke.'

Goodluck in the contest.

Bek :)

You have a very vivid imagination. Although I am not quite done with your story I can see why you have rated this x. I have done some acting and I can see your construction in building this screenplay. The author, as you have done, has to play all parts and direct the movements that take place on the boards. Further direction of these movements could be more explicit in order to eliminate confusion to the final director./joeparente

i didn't put a description for the demons because i wanted anyone to be able to picture what their own demon would look like and i think that's what makes them truly terrifying. And i hate to admit that the beginning did turn out humorous even though that wasn't my intention. But it was just hard to come up with a dramatic opening since i wanted it to be set in a news cast room. And thank you for the compliment.

Thank you for participating in our
fiction writing contest "My Best Fiction".

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