Oh! I wish you'd written more! You should write more! Sounds SO interesting!
I have a few critiques, however:
You should separate the paragraphs more so that they are defined and I suggest you make the paragraphs shorter(as in every four or five sentences) so that it's easier to follow the story. Also, put the dialogue into a new line every time the speaker changes. It gets confusing at times.
And at the beginning of the story,... mehr anzeigen
Oh! I wish you'd written more! You should write more! Sounds SO interesting!
I have a few critiques, however:
You should separate the paragraphs more so that they are defined and I suggest you make the paragraphs shorter(as in every four or five sentences) so that it's easier to follow the story. Also, put the dialogue into a new line every time the speaker changes. It gets confusing at times.
And at the beginning of the story, I though(for only a moment) that Captain Andre was a woman! Maybe it's because you said "She couldn't help smile herself." right after you said that Captain Andre grinned.
Again, since there was basically only one paragraph that I noticed in the whole book, that took the fun away from reading it.
Just fix the spacing and it is perfecto!
Great job! Tell me when you write more, please! :)
LOVED it!
---RbG
