BookRix

hope you keep reading. Thanks.

Thanks for the feedback. Are there any editing tricks I could steal from you? or what do you think my problems are?

There are a few pesky typos rearing their heads, but don't worry many writers, including myself, get them. Just 'stomp on them'.

Please, remember writing is very subjective & depends on the individuals tastes & morals. So please, feel free to accept or ignore my tips.

I would tighten one or two of your scenes to make them more realistic. For example, the underwear scene pages 4-5. You have painted a picture of your character having high morals & yet she openly adjusts herself in public. Perhaps, you could suggest that she feels uncomfortable when the men wolf-whistle her as she wonders if they can see her panty (bikini) line through her tight pencil skirt.

I would suggest playing more on your characters naivety & likabilty & avoid making her too crass. Unless an encounter/relationship dictates otherwise such as sexual abuse.

I will definitely read more of your work,

Chris

ThankS much! I needed a great take on it. An analytic one. I will sure take your advise. If you come across anything that doesn't sit well with you lemmie know since I am working so hard on it to feel publishing material.

aww, thanks. I am sure it loves you too.

:P i hope so :) may i send a friend request now? 8-) :P